The Shadows We Cast

In this episode, Jenn St John sits down with psychotherapist and trauma expert Jenifer Freedy for a deeply grounding conversation about nervous systems, survival patterns, and what it really means to regulate.Together, they explore how chronic stress, trauma, and emotionally unsafe environments shape the way we move through the world long after the original danger has passed. Jenifer shares powerful insights into the nervous system — including the now widely recognized “fight, flight, freeze” responses — and explains why so many of us live stuck in states of hypervigilance, shutdown, over-functioning, or emotional exhaustion without fully understanding why.Jenn and Jenifer also talk candidly about parenting, grief, high-functioning survival, and the ways unresolved wounds can quietly surface in relationships and everyday moments. Throughout the conversation, Jenifer offers compassionate, practical tools for slowing down, reconnecting with the body, and learning how to return to ourselves with less shame and more awareness.This episode is a reminder that regulation isn’t about perfection or staying calm all the time. It’s about understanding that our nervous systems learned to protect us — and that healing begins when we stop seeing those responses as failures, and start seeing them with compassion.Topics discussed include:• Nervous system regulation• Trauma and chronic stress• Fight, flight, freeze, and shutdown responses• Parenting and generational patterns• Somatic therapy and polyvagal theory• Emotional safety and self-awareness• High-functioning survival patterns• Grief, healing, and repairAbout Jenifer Freedy:Jenifer Freedy is a psychotherapist and trauma expert with more than 25 years of experience working in the fields of trauma, grief, and loss. Her work integrates somatic therapy, parts work, and polyvagal (nervous system) principles to help clients better understand the connection between the body, trauma, and healing. She also provides professional trainings and supervision, and her upcoming book, Reclaiming What Was Lost, focused on healing from childhood sexual abuse, will be released in Fall 2026 through New Harbinger Publishing.Connect with Jenifer:Website: www.jeniferfreedy.comInstagram: @jeniferfreedy_psychotherapistLinkedIn: Jenifer FreedyIf this episode resonated with you, please consider following, sharing, or leaving a review. These conversations help remind people they are not alone.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this episode, I sit down with Caitlin Morrison, Executive Director of the Matthew Perry House, to talk about the experience of loving someone through the illness of addiction — and what it means to carry that experience forward after loss.There’s a version of this story we don’t talk about very often.The one where someone you love spends years struggling, finally finds their way to recovery… and then is gone.Together, we explore what families often carry behind the scenes: the early signs that something isn’t quite right, the cycles of hope and disappointment, and the emotional weight of trying to support someone you can’t “fix.”This conversation also moves beyond the personal into something deeply hopeful — the work Caitlin is leading through the Matthew Perry House, a first-of-its-kind transitional housing initiative in Ottawa focused on long-term, community-based recovery. Grounded in the understanding of addiction as a medical illness, this model addresses a critical gap in care: what happens after treatment ends.This is a conversation about love, grief, understanding — and legacy.In this episode, we talk about:What families often notice before they have language for addictionThe cycles of hope, relapse, and emotional impact on loved onesThe limits of control — and what “support” can really look likeReframing addiction as an illness, not a failureRecovery, and the part we don’t often talk aboutThe vision behind the Matthew Perry House and long-term recovery supportAbout Caitlin:Caitlin Morrison is the Executive Director of the Matthew Perry House, carrying forward her brother Matthew Perry’s legacy by advocating for long-term recovery support. With a deep commitment to breaking down stigma and improving access to resources, Caitlin has played a pivotal role in the development of the Matthew Perry House Ottawa, a first-of-its-kind transitional housing initiative.Learn more:🌐 https://matthewperryhouse.ca📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/matthewperryhouse🎧 Follow, share, and help these conversations reach more people.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down with Tychon Carter for a conversation about identity, self-trust, and what it really means to come back to yourself.Tychon shares his experience of growing up feeling misunderstood — navigating early messages around masculinity, emotional expression, and what it meant to be “right” or “wrong.”We talk about the identity shift that comes in early adulthood, especially when something that once defined you suddenly falls away — and the quiet, often confusing experience of feeling misaligned, even when everything looks “good” on the outside.Tychon reflects on how his time on Big Brother Canada became an unexpected turning point — not because of the game itself, but because of what happens when the noise disappears and you’re left with your own instincts.Throughout this conversation, we explore vulnerability, emotional literacy, and the process of rebuilding self-trust — including the powerful work of forgiving the version of yourself who had to survive.We also talk about the small, practical ways we can begin to reconnect with ourselves — from noticing what we feel, to creating routines that support both our mental and physical well-being.This is a conversation about embodiment — about learning to listen, to trust, and to return to who we are beneath everything we’ve been taught to be.ABOUT TYCHON CARTERTychon Newman-Carter is a Canadian speaker, mental health advocate, and community builder, widely known as the first Black winner of Big Brother Canada and a contestant on The Amazing Race Canada.Beyond television, Tychon has built a platform centered around emotional awareness, personal growth, and self-trust. Through his work, he shares openly about his own experiences navigating identity, masculinity, and mental health — using storytelling, humor, and lived experience to make these conversations more accessible.His work also explores intergenerational trauma and anti-Black racism within African-Canadian communities, while emphasizing the importance of mindfulness, meaningful relationships, and purposeful routines as foundations for resilience and well-being.Connect with TychonWebsite: https://www.tychoncarter.com/Instagram: https://instagram.com/tychonxcarterTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tychoncarterYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tychonxcarterHost/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

Amanda Patrick joins me for a conversation about inheritance—what we’re given, what we absorb, and what we eventually have to decide to do with it.In this episode, Inheritance, Amanda shares the story of her childhood—marked by poverty, neglect, and profound loss—and the long, complex path of what it means to carry that forward into adulthood.At just 13 years old, Amanda experienced a tragic event that would shape the course of her life. What followed were years of survival—leaving home at 15, navigating instability, masking pain, and building a life from the ground up without support. But as Amanda shares, survival is only one part of the story.This conversation explores what we inherit—not just from our families, but from the environments we grow up in. The patterns we learn. The coping mechanisms that once kept us safe. And the difficult, often painful work of deciding what we keep… and what we lay down.We talk about:Growing up in neglect and the loneliness that lingers long afterTrauma, coping, and the masks we learn to wearAddiction, sobriety, and the turning point into motherhoodThe power of long-term therapy and self-awarenessEstrangement, boundaries, and the grief that comes with choosing distanceAnd how healing can evolve into serviceToday, Amanda is the co-founder of LADR Consulting, a speaker, and the founder of Gift-a-Family—an initiative that has raised over $200,000 to support children who might otherwise be overlooked during the holidays.Her story is not linear. It’s not simple. But it is deeply human.And at its core, it’s about this:We don’t get to choose what we inherit.But we do get to choose what we do with it.GUEST INFORMATIONAmanda Patrick is a business strategist and co-founder of LADR Virtual Assistants, where she helps entrepreneurs streamline operations and build scalable systems. She is also a speaker and philanthropist, and the founder of Gift-a-Family, a community initiative that has raised over $200,000 to support hundreds of children. Through her “Drop the Mask” presentations, Amanda works with youth to build confidence, resilience, and self-trust. She’s also a proud mom and pickleball enthusiast.Connect with Amanda:Instagram: @amandalelepatrickInstagram: @ladrcoachingInstagram: @gift_a_familyWebsite: https://www.ladrconsulting.com/CONTENT NOTEThis episode includes discussions of childhood trauma, neglect, addiction, and suicidal ideation. Please take care while listening and choose a time and space that feels supportive.SUPPORT RESOURCESIf this episode brought something up for you, you don’t have to sit with it alone.Canada: Call or text 988Simcoe County Crisis Line: 1-888-893-8333U.S.: Call or text 988Australia: Lifeline 13 11 14Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down with Christina Orfanakos, MSW, RSW—Registered Social Worker and founder of Grace North Therapy—for a conversation about attachment, survival patterns, and what it really means to begin feeling safe again.Some patterns don’t start with us.They start in the environments we learned to survive in.We talk about the ways early experiences—especially those shaped by silence, unpredictability, or emotional disconnection—can shape how we move through the world as adults.How hyper-independence, people-pleasing, over-functioning, and even success can all be rooted in adaptations we learned long before we had language for them.And how those same patterns that once protected us…can quietly keep us stuck.Christina brings both professional insight and deep compassion to this conversation, grounded in her work with women and mothers navigating overwhelm, burnout, and disconnection. Her approach is rooted in attachment theory and the belief that meaningful change happens when we feel seen, understood, and supported.We also explore:how attachment patterns are formed—and how they show up in adulthoodthe difference between empathy and caretakingwhy awareness is the first step, but not the only onehow to begin reconnecting with your body and nervous systemand what it looks like to gently shift patterns that no longer serve youThis is a conversation about understanding—not fixing.About compassion—for the parts of you that learned to survive.And about the possibility of something different.About Christina:Christina Orfanakos is a Registered Social Worker and the founder of Grace North Therapy. She works with women and mothers navigating overwhelm, burnout, and disconnection, with a focus on attachment, emotional regulation, and reconnecting to self.Connect with Christina:Instagram: @gracenorththerapyWebsite: gracenorththerapy.comLinkedIn: Christina Orfanakos, MSW, RSWHost/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

Season 2 opens with a powerful conversation about connection, regulation, and breaking cycles.In this episode of The Shadows We Cast, Jennifer St. John sits down with clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and renowned speaker Dr. Jody Carrington. Known for her bold, honest, and deeply human approach to mental health, Dr. Jody’s work focuses on one essential truth: we are wired for connection — and healing happens in relationships.Together, Jennifer and Jody explore emotional regulation, empathy, and the long ripple effects of growing up in environments shaped by mental illness and addiction. Through Jennifer’s lived experience and Dr. Jody’s clinical insight, this conversation unpacks how trauma shapes our nervous systems, why empathy requires context, and how safe relationships can help us break intergenerational cycles.In this episode we explore:emotional regulation and the “flipped lid” stateintergenerational trauma and cycle breakingthe power of empathy and the phrase “tell me more”addiction, connection, and healingsimple ways to regulate your nervous system in everyday lifeAbout Dr. Jody CarringtonDr. Jody Carrington is a clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of Carrington & Company. She speaks on hundreds of stages globally each year and hosts the popular podcast UNLONELY, where she continues her mission of helping people find their way back to authentic human connection.Learn more about Dr. Jody:Website: https://www.drjodycarrington.comYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/drjodycarringtonLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-jody-carrington/This episode includes discussion of addiction, mental illness, trauma, and suicidal ideation.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

Some endings arrive slowly. Ours did not.In this final episode of Season 1, my sisters and I share the most personal part of our story—the goodbye. After years of surviving our mom’s untreated mental illness and addiction, and then finding our way back to her during her recovery, we were finally in a good place. A healthy place. A place where laughter came easy and trust was being rebuilt. And then, in 2017, we lost her.Diagnosed with terminal lung cancer just two months before she passed, our mom’s final chapter was fast, devastating, and unexpectedly filled with grace. Two weeks after her diagnosis, our beloved Aunt Terry was diagnosed with the same illness. And within ten months, our dad passed away too, leaving us grappling with wave after wave of loss.This episode is about those final months with our mom. The hospital visits and hospice care. The late-night humor that kept us going when there were no more answers left to find. The tension between wanting to save her and learning, finally, how to just be with her. It’s about what it means to love someone fiercely—even when that love was hard-won and complicated.And it’s also about the legacy she left behind. About the strength we found in each other, and how grief shaped us into something softer, stronger, and more honest.All season long, we’ve been pulling back the curtain on what it means to grow up in the shadow of mental illness and addiction—and how, even in the aftermath, healing is possible. This final chapter closes that story for now, but it also opens the door to what comes next.Thank you for walking with us through the messy middle of our lives. Thank you for holding space for these conversations. And thank you for reminding us that even in the hardest endings, love remains.Original aired on July 8th, 2025Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

This week on The Shadows We Cast, my sisters, Kate and Teresa, and I return for Part 3 of our story — the chapter where things began to change. After years of boundaries, heartbreak, and distance, our mom started to seek real, consistent help. It wasn’t a sudden transformation. It was slow, uneven, and at times, fragile. But it was the beginning of something new.In this conversation, we talk about the earliest signs of her recovery and what it looked like to slowly let her back in — not just into our lives, but into our trust. We share moments that felt healing, moments that tested us, and how her role as a grandmother became the unlikely bridge back to connection.There’s grief here — for what never was — but also so much beauty in what we found when we stopped trying to hold everything together and started meeting her where she was. We weren’t trying to fix her — we were simply hoping she’d choose help. And when she finally did, something in all of us shifted, too.Originally aired on July 1st, 2025Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this final chapter of our second sister series, my sisters Kate, Teresa, and I reflect on the slow, complicated shift—the one that happened in our mother’s final years, and the one we had to make in ourselves to survive and heal.We talk about what it was like to be adults with a mother still deep in the storm of untreated mental illness and addiction, and how we eventually found our way to firmer ground. We explore the boundaries we had to set, the pain of waiting for change, and the quiet hope that crept in when she finally began to seek help. She didn’t become someone new—but she did begin to come home to herself.This episode is about recognizing the moments when something begins to shift—internally and externally. It’s about separating a person from their illness. About forgiving without an apology. And about choosing to heal, even when the past still echoes.If you’ve ever loved someone who struggled, or if you’ve felt stuck in a story that wasn’t changing, this conversation is for you.Originally aired on June 3rd, 2025.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this powerful follow-up to last week’s episode, we continue our sister series exploring early adulthood after growing up with a parent facing untreated mental illness and addiction. This chapter focuses on the emotional impact of setting boundaries with our mother—while becoming parents ourselves.I’m joined by my sisters, Kate and Teresa, as we share personal stories of trauma, family estrangement, childhood emotional neglect, and the moment each of us realized we couldn’t protect our mother and protect our children at the same time. We talk about the ripple effects of living with someone who struggled with mental illness, substance use, and unresolved trauma—and how we each made the painful but necessary choice to break the cycle.We also explore how those early experiences shaped our mental health journeys and led us into careers in social work, child protection, and community-based care. This conversation touches on trauma-informed parenting, mother-daughter boundaries, family systems, and healing from generational dysfunction.It’s an honest, emotional, and ultimately empowering episode about reclaiming agency, redefining family, and choosing something healthier—one decision at a time.Originally aired on May 27th, 2025. Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

This is the first of a three-part series exploring the messy, complicated years of early adulthood—when my sisters, Kate and Teresa, and I began to navigate the emotional weight of our mom’s mental illness and addiction in a new way.We weren’t estranged yet. But the tether was fraying.In this episode, we reflect on the years after leaving home—when we were starting careers, becoming parents, and building lives of our own. We were still trying to stay close to our mom through letters, phone calls, and hope. But we were also beginning to feel the cost of that closeness: the resentment, the confusion, and the exhaustion of trying to stay connected to someone whose pain kept spilling over.We talk about what it meant to set boundaries before we really knew how, how our relationships were impacted, and how we slowly came to realize that love alone wasn’t enough to hold it all together.This conversation is raw and real—and a reminder that sometimes the hardest part of growing up is learning how to stop breaking yourself to keep someone else whole.Originally released:  May 20 2025Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

Ever wonder what it’s like to grow up desperate to escape, but terrified to leave the ones you love behind?In this episode, we talk about those late-teen years—when our mom’s drinking and untreated mental illness had taken over, and we were all just trying to find a way out. Joined once again by my sisters Kate and Teresa, we revisit the breaking point that changed everything.This episode dives into the emotional cost of a childhood shaped by instability, addiction, and undiagnosed mental illness. We reflect on the toll it took on our sense of identity, our relationships, and our ability to feel safe in the world. While the journey into early adulthood is explored more fully in the next series, this conversation begins to unpack the long shadow of survival mode—and what it took to make it out.ORIGINALLY RELEASED: April 22, 2025Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

Survival: Sisterhood, Poverty, and the Moments That Shaped UsIn this second episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down again with my sisters, Kate and Teresa, to pick up where we left off—navigating the turbulence of growing up with a mother struggling with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness.This chapter explores what survival really looked like for us: wearing the same pair of pants to school, learning to stretch a dollar, and facing down emotional chaos masked behind closed doors. We talk about poverty—not just as a lack of money, but as a feeling that seeps into your self-worth—and how those early years shaped our work ethic, independence, and empathy in ways we couldn’t understand at the time.We reflect on the adults who tried to help, the ones who looked away, and the small kindnesses that made a difference. Through journal entries, raw memories, and hard truths, we revisit the instability of our Arizona and Missouri years—moments marked by addiction, unsafe environments, and emotional whiplash.This isn’t just a story of pain. It’s a story of resilience, of love between sisters, and of the moments that cracked something open in us—and, ultimately, helped us find our way home.If you’ve ever wondered how people survive chaos—or how they begin to rebuild—this conversation invites you in.This episode was originally released on April 12th, 2025. Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this deeply personal first episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down with my two sisters, Kate and Teresa, for a raw, revealing conversation about our early years—growing up with a mother whose mental illness shaped every corner of our childhood. We talk about what poverty looked and felt like, how instability became our norm, and the adults who tried—sometimes successfully, sometimes not—to keep us safe.This isn’t just a story of hardship. It’s a story of sisterhood: how we held each other up, how we made it out, and how we’re still making sense of it all. From small-town Canada to the deserts of Arizona, from hiding emotions at our school desks to navigating unsafe home environments, this episode travels the geography of our early lives with honesty, humour, and a lot of heart.We speak openly about the things that were hard to name back then—parentification, addiction, emotional neglect—and the fierce love and resilience that got us through. Whether you’ve lived something similar or are just trying to better understand the shadows that follow us from childhood, this conversation invites you in.This episode was originally released on April 5th, 2024.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

Some endings arrive slowly. Ours did not.In this final episode of Season 1, my sisters and I share the most personal part of our story—the goodbye. After years of surviving our mom’s untreated mental illness and addiction, and then finding our way back to her during her recovery, we were finally in a good place. A healthy place. A place where laughter came easy and trust was being rebuilt. And then, in 2017, we lost her.Diagnosed with terminal lung cancer just two months before she passed, our mom’s final chapter was fast, devastating, and unexpectedly filled with grace. Two weeks after her diagnosis, our beloved Aunt Terry was diagnosed with the same illness. And within ten months, our dad passed away too, leaving us grappling with wave after wave of loss.This episode is about those final months with our mom. The hospital visits and hospice care. The late-night humor that kept us going when there were no more answers left to find. The tension between wanting to save her and learning, finally, how to just be with her. It’s about what it means to love someone fiercely—even when that love was hard-won and complicated.And it’s also about the legacy she left behind. About the strength we found in each other, and how grief shaped us into something softer, stronger, and more honest.All season long, we’ve been pulling back the curtain on what it means to grow up in the shadow of mental illness and addiction—and how, even in the aftermath, healing is possible. This final chapter closes that story for now, but it also opens the door to what comes next.Thank you for walking with us through the messy middle of our lives. Thank you for holding space for these conversations. And thank you for reminding us that even in the hardest endings, love remains.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

This week on The Shadows We Cast, my sisters, Kate and Teresa, and I return for Part 3 of our story — the chapter where things began to change. After years of boundaries, heartbreak, and distance, our mom started to seek real, consistent help. It wasn’t a sudden transformation. It was slow, uneven, and at times, fragile. But it was the beginning of something new.In this conversation, we talk about the earliest signs of her recovery and what it looked like to slowly let her back in — not just into our lives, but into our trust. We share moments that felt healing, moments that tested us, and how her role as a grandmother became the unlikely bridge back to connection.There’s grief here — for what never was — but also so much beauty in what we found when we stopped trying to hold everything together and started meeting her where she was. We weren’t trying to fix her — we were simply hoping she’d choose help. And when she finally did, something in all of us shifted, too.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

What if becoming a mother wasn’t just a life event — but a radical transformation of self?This week on The Shadows We Cast, Jenn sits down with Jessie Harrold — doula, coach, author, and founder of Imaginalia — to explore the complex and rarely named process of matrescence. Like adolescence, matrescence is a profound identity shift that touches every layer of our being: emotional, physical, spiritual, and cultural. And yet… we’re barely talking about it.Together, they unpack:·       What matrescence actually is — and why we all need language for it·       Why radical change often begins with grief·       How to “mythologize” your story rather than pathologize your pain·       What Jessie calls the “gooey middle” — the messy, necessary in-between of identity transformation·       Why small practices, like Jessie’s “Five Things” check-in, can become lifelines through transitionThis episode touches on the thresholds we all cross: motherhood, menopause, grief, healing, and the quiet reckoning of asking, Who am I now? Whether you’re navigating change yourself or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers insight, compassion, and the reminder: you’re not broken. You’re becoming.Learn more about Jessie and her work at www.jessieharrold.com, and follow her on Instagram @jessie.es.harrold.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

CONTENT WARNING: This episode includes candid discussion of depression, burnout, and suicidal ideation. Please listen with care and prioritize your well-being.What does it mean to truly feel alive after you’ve nearly lost yourself? This week, I’m joined by Rachel Molenda — DJ, entrepreneur, and founder of Reunion, a women’s dance party movement rooted in joy, community, and remembering who you are.But before Rachel was creating space for others to heal and dance, she was navigating a deep, disorienting depression that brought her to the brink. In this conversation, she speaks honestly about what it was like to be in that place — when even getting through the day felt impossible — and how music, movement, and community slowly helped her find her way back to herself.We talk about:What it feels like when your light starts to go outThe role of dance and movement in emotional regulationThe pressure to “heal” before feeling joy again — and why that’s backwardsThe link between nervous system health and our capacity to experience joyHow creativity, connection, and radical honesty became Rachel’s way throughRachel's courage in sharing her story is a powerful reminder that joy and sorrow aren’t opposites — they’re companions. That remembering who you are sometimes begins when everything else has fallen away. And that healing doesn’t always happen in stillness — sometimes it happens in motion.Learn more about Rachel and her work:Follow @rachelmmolenda on InstagramJoin the @thereuniondanceparty movementVisit her website at rachelmmolenda.comHost/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

What if the way you love, fight, avoid, or people-please wasn’t a personality flaw—but a survival blueprint?In this episode, I sit down with trauma-informed therapist Laura Fess, founder of VOX Mental Health, for a powerful conversation about what really happens to our nervous system when we grow up in survival mode—and how those early patterns shape our adult relationships, attachment styles, and mental health.We explore:• How survival mode wires the brain for hypervigilance• What anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment really look like in adulthood• The neuroscience behind healing, storytelling, and post-traumatic growth• Why unlearning old patterns isn’t failure—it’s neuroplasticity• The quiet, resilient power of hope—and how to let it driveI also share a journal entry from when I was 15, written during a pivotal turning point in my family’s story. It’s conflicted and searching, filled with the kind of quiet hope that surfaces when you're desperate for change but not sure it will come.It’s vulnerable, reflective, and the perfect opening to this layered conversation about pain, healing, and how we can slowly carve new paths—machete in hand—toward something different.If your story includes trauma, survival mode, or the long journey of trying to feel safe again, this one is for you.🔗 Connect with VOX Mental Health:• Instagram• LinkedIn• FacebookHost/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this final chapter of our second sister series, my sisters Kate, Teresa, and I reflect on the slow, complicated shift—the one that happened in our mother’s final years, and the one we had to make in ourselves to survive and heal.We talk about what it was like to be adults with a mother still deep in the storm of untreated mental illness and addiction, and how we eventually found our way to firmer ground. We explore the boundaries we had to set, the pain of waiting for change, and the quiet hope that crept in when she finally began to seek help. She didn’t become someone new—but she did begin to come home to herself.This episode is about recognizing the moments when something begins to shift—internally and externally. It’s about separating a person from their illness. About forgiving without an apology. And about choosing to heal, even when the past still echoes.If you’ve ever loved someone who struggled, or if you’ve felt stuck in a story that wasn’t changing, this conversation is for you.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this powerful follow-up to last week’s episode, we continue our sister series exploring early adulthood after growing up with a parent facing untreated mental illness and addiction. This chapter focuses on the emotional impact of setting boundaries with our mother—while becoming parents ourselves.I’m joined by my sisters, Kate and Teresa, as we share personal stories of trauma, family estrangement, childhood emotional neglect, and the moment each of us realized we couldn’t protect our mother and protect our children at the same time. We talk about the ripple effects of living with someone who struggled with mental illness, substance use, and unresolved trauma—and how we each made the painful but necessary choice to break the cycle.We also explore how those early experiences shaped our mental health journeys and led us into careers in social work, child protection, and community-based care. This conversation touches on trauma-informed parenting, mother-daughter boundaries, family systems, and healing from generational dysfunction.It’s an honest, emotional, and ultimately empowering episode about reclaiming agency, redefining family, and choosing something healthier—one decision at a time.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

This is the first of a three-part series exploring the messy, complicated years of early adulthood—when my sisters, Kate and Teresa, and I began to navigate the emotional weight of our mom’s mental illness and addiction in a new way.We weren’t estranged yet. But the tether was fraying.In this episode, we reflect on the years after leaving home—when we were starting careers, becoming parents, and building lives of our own. We were still trying to stay close to our mom through letters, phone calls, and hope. But we were also beginning to feel the cost of that closeness: the resentment, the confusion, and the exhaustion of trying to stay connected to someone whose pain kept spilling over.We talk about what it meant to set boundaries before we really knew how, how our relationships were impacted, and how we slowly came to realize that love alone wasn’t enough to hold it all together.This conversation is raw and real—and a reminder that sometimes the hardest part of growing up is learning how to stop breaking yourself to keep someone else whole.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

Unmasking Mental Health: Real Support, Real Change with CMHA’s Liz GrummettIn this special Mental Health Week episode, Jenn sits down with Liz Grummett of CMHA Simcoe County to explore what it really means to unmask mental health. With over 20 years of experience in outreach, crisis response, and education, Liz shares how connection, compassion, and accessibility are transforming lives—from youth to seniors, farmers to families, and everyone in between.Together, they talk about:How stigma creates invisible weight—and how to lighten the loadThe impact of peer support and lived experienceGroundbreaking programs for families, caregivers, and rural communitiesWhy “meeting people where they are” can be a lifelineLiz’s personal tools for creating calm mental health, including breathwork and sensory groundingThis episode also features a moving journal entry from Jenn’s mother—reminding us how the masks we wear to protect ourselves can also disconnect us.Whether you're a caregiver, a person in recovery, or someone simply trying to feel a little less alone, this is a powerful listen about showing up, speaking out, and making mental health support more human.Visit cmhastarttalking.ca to learn more about CMHA Simcoe’s programs and services.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this moving and deeply honest conversation, Sophie Grégoire Trudeau joins Jenn to talk about what it means to heal—individually, in our relationships, and across generations. With wisdom, warmth, and vulnerability, Sophie reflects on her own mental health journey, from childhood trauma to eating disorders, motherhood, and having her voice through it all.They explore the ripple effect of inherited trauma, the critical role of self-compassion, and how building emotional resilience begins with honest conversations. Sophie shares the tools she returns to—like morning body tapping, breathwork, and grounding practices in nature—and speaks candidly about the messiness of healing, the power of female connection, and the importance of being seen and heard.This episode is a heartfelt reminder that growth can come through pain, that we’re never alone in our struggles, and that when we speak our truth, we give others permission to do the same.To learn more about Sophie’s work, visit sophiegregoiretrudeau.comBuy her book Closer Together: Knowing Ourselves, Loving Each Other here: linkin.bio/sophiegregoiretrudeauSign up for her newsletter and stay connected: sophiegregoiretrudeau.com/#stay_connectedHost/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In this powerful and emotional episode, maternal mental health advocate Candice Thomas shares her raw journey through postpartum depression, suicidal ideation, and ultimately—hope. After nearly losing herself in the early days of motherhood, a simple act of kindness changed everything and set her on a path to create real, lasting change.Candice opens up about the barriers mothers face when seeking mental health support, the life-saving importance of being seen, and how her experiences led her to found Barrie’s Flora’s Walk and expand Evergreen Wellness Studio to better serve women in her community.We talk about the urgent need for systemic change in maternal mental health care, the ripple effects of trauma—and healing—and why advocacy, action, and community are the keys to moving the needle forward.This conversation is a reminder that no one should have to navigate the darkness alone, and that one voice, one question, one act of compassion can save a life.If this episode resonates with you or brings something difficult to the surface, please don’t sit with it alone. If you're in Canada, you can call or text 988 for free, confidential mental health support, 24/7.Connect with Candice and support Flora’s Walk across Canada:Flora’s Walk National Info: Flora’s Story - Canadian Perinatal Mental Health CollaborativeEvergreen Wellness Studio: evergreenwellnessstudio.comHost/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

In the final chapter of this three-part sister series, we look back at the breaking point that changed everything.Joined once again by my sisters Kate and Teresa, we reflect on our final years living under the same roof with our mom—years marked by addiction, instability, and the slow unraveling of the only structure we knew. From her escalating substance use to a devastating car accident that nearly took her life, we talk about the moment we thought things might finally change… and what happened when they didn’t.This episode dives into the emotional cost of a childhood shaped by instability, addiction, and undiagnosed mental illness. We reflect on the toll it took on our sense of identity, our relationships, and our ability to feel safe in the world. While the journey into early adulthood is explored more fully in the next series, this conversation begins to unpack the long shadow of survival mode—and what it took to make it out.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

Survival: Sisterhood, Poverty, and the Moments That Shaped UsIn this second episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down again with my sisters, Kate and Teresa, to pick up where we left off—navigating the turbulence of growing up with a mother struggling with undiagnosed and untreated mental illness.This chapter explores what survival really looked like for us: wearing the same pair of pants to school, learning to stretch a dollar, and facing down emotional chaos masked behind closed doors. We talk about poverty—not just as a lack of money, but as a feeling that seeps into your self-worth—and how those early years shaped our work ethic, independence, and empathy in ways we couldn’t understand at the time.We reflect on the adults who tried to help, the ones who looked away, and the small kindnesses that made a difference. Through journal entries, raw memories, and hard truths, we revisit the instability of our Arizona and Missouri years—moments marked by addiction, unsafe environments, and emotional whiplash.This isn’t just a story of pain. It’s a story of resilience, of love between sisters, and of the moments that cracked something open in us—and, ultimately, helped us find our way home.If you’ve ever wondered how people survive chaos—or how they begin to rebuild—this conversation invites you in.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

A Sister Conversation About Childhood, Coping, and ConnectionIn this deeply personal second episode of The Shadows We Cast, I sit down with my two sisters, Kate and Teresa, for a raw, revealing conversation about our early years—growing up with a mother whose mental illness shaped every corner of our childhood. We talk about what poverty looked and felt like, how instability became our norm, and the adults who tried—sometimes successfully, sometimes not—to keep us safe.This isn’t just a story of hardship. It’s a story of sisterhood: how we held each other up, how we made it out, and how we’re still making sense of it all. From small-town Canada to the deserts of Arizona, from hiding emotions at our school desks to navigating unsafe home environments, this episode travels the geography of our early lives with honesty, humour, and a lot of heart.We speak openly about the things that were hard to name back then—parentification, addiction, emotional neglect—and the fierce love and resilience that got us through. Whether you’ve lived something similar or are just trying to better understand the shadows that follow us from childhood, this conversation invites you in.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.

Podcast Trailer: The Shadows We CastWelcome to The Shadows We Cast—a podcast about the legacies we inherit, the stories we carry, and the light we create in the process.Hosted by mental health advocate, writer, and speaker Jenn St. John, this series opens the door to raw and real conversations about living through, loving through, and learning from mental health challenges.In this short preview, Jenn shares what listeners can expect each week: deeply personal stories, journal readings, candid interviews with guests ranging from family members to public figures, and a commitment to unmasking mental health—one brave conversation at a time.If you've ever felt like you were navigating the dark without a map, this podcast is here to say: you're not alone. Let’s talk about the shadows—and the adaptability that rises from them.New episodes drop every Tuesday.Host/Producer/Writer/Director: Jenn St JohnEditor: Andrew SchillerWebsite: www.jennstjohn.caFollow along:Instagram: @jenn_stjohnLinkedIn: Jenn St JohnIf this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.Subscribe, leave a review, or just send a little love—your support helps these conversations reach the people who need them most.