Episodes
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#272 - Species
This week we get into 1995’s Species! Or, as we called it when we were children: Tits: The Movie. One of the first boobs I’ve ever seen was in Species. But upon rewatching, I can’t say I remembered Jeff Bezos having such a prominent role in this film. You’re terrible at holding alien sex babies...
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#271 - Food Fight!
This week, we kick off SEASON 29 with 2012’s Food Fight, which started its lengthy and troubled production in the early 2000s, when nobody batted an eyelash over the fact that Hilary Duff has more upskirt shots and gooner faces than we can reasonably articulate. Also Charlie Sheen is her lover....
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SHUT IT DOWN! IT'S TIME TO TALK ABOUT BAR RESCUE (Relaxed Fit)
This week we’re taking a break between seasons in order to recalibrate our machines. That’s right, we’re SHUTTING IT DOWN! Bar Rescue style. Rob’s in Florida, shouting from his Ford Escape and Chris is practicing his butt funnel maneuvers as the two Taffer Blast ™ their way through one of the...
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#270 - The Mask
Hey, Pachuco! We’re closing out season 28 with 1994’s The Mask. It holds up, just don’t watch the Jamie Kennedy one, which we covered ages ago as a regular episode. Now, like Napoleon, we’ll divide and conquer! SOMEBODY STOP US!!! Empathetic everyman from Edge City empowered and ensconced with...
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#269 - The Cowboy Way
This week, we get into 1994’s The Cowboy way, where the toughest guy they could find for the antagonist was Dylan McDermott. Don’t worry, though, because one of the good True Detectives and Jack Bauer are on the case, and they’re … kinda pissed? Let’s round ‘em up! Perturbed Pepper, portrayed by...
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#268 - Tammy and the T-Rex
This week, we take a bite out of 1994’s Tammy and the T-Rex, Paul Walker’s finest hour. This one’s confusing, but never not amusing. So grab your buddies balls with a firm grip, and let’s get right to it! REEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Rambunctious Rex gets randy with really ‘rousing Richards, rightfully…
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#267 - The Hot Chick
This week, we get into 2002’s The Hot Chick, starring Rob Schneider. He’s afraid to pee his pretty pink little panties, but don’t worry, he’ll lead you to believe that they’re his girlfriend’s panties, because everybody pees in their girlfriend’s panties. We hear you can put your weed in there…
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#266 - Demolition Man
This week, we revisit 1993’s Demolition Man, a movie that we did years ago, and are revisiting again for some reason. We’ve both seen this movie a hundred times, and will probably watch it a hundred more times, and the jury’s still out on whether this one is “bad” or not. Misunderstood satire?...
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#265 - Alienator
Blow it out your ass, goofball, because we’re getting into 1990’s Alienator! It’s Fred Olen Ray, so you get what you get, and don’t get upset! Let’s gooooo! Penal planet prisoner pounces on parole, perturbing preternatural Predator ‘personator, who pounces on party pack, petty police, and…
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#264 - Gleaming the Cube
This week we get into 1989’s Gleaming the Cube. Christian Slater. Tony Hawk. Rodney Mullen pulling stunt duty. Pizza hut. Murder. Skating. Espionage? What the fuck is a cube gleam? There’s so much to talk about, so let’s get right on to it, shall we? Rambunctious rapscallions ripping the road…
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#263 - Gas Pump Girls
This week, we’ve got our engines revving for 1979’s Gas Pump Girls. It’s not what it sounds like. It’s actually about a bunch of girls who work at a gas station. Make sure you bust out your Titscope™ for this one, because there’s like 17 boobs in this movie that are prime oggle fodder. We’re...
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#262 - The Core
This week we get into 2003’s The Core, which is basically a too-little-too-late Armageddon but instead of blowing up a giant asteroid to save Earth, they must blow up … Earth, to save Earth? The kid from Road Trip loves Xena and Hot Pockets, and knows how to get you free long distance calls for...
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#261 - On the Line
This week, we cover Mel Gibson’s On the Line, one of the movies that’s designed to piss you off. If you want to get got by the most insane plot you can think of, then all you have to do is watch this one. Oh boy … say what you want about Mel Gibson; that son of a bitch knows story structure. Here...
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#260 - Rob's Computer Crashed, So We're Just Talking Smack
Read the title! Chris and Rob talk shit. It's fun. www.theworstmovieevermade.com
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#259 - Meet the Parents
It’s good movie week, and after suffering through Little Fockers, we figured we’d revisit the OG, which we both remember fondly: 2000’s Meet the Parents. It’s the perfect comedy of errors that you, as a teenager, could watch with your girlfriend in the company of your boomer parents. It’s a…
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#258 - Cosmic Sin
This week, we get into Cosmic Sin; a film starring Bruce Willis that makes us feel really, really bad. He was sick when they worked on this, and we’re sick for trying to critique it. Funny enough, Bruce Willis is the best part of this film, which is a really nice way of saying that Frank Grillo...
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#257 - Blank Check
This week, we’re unpacking the insanity that is Blank Check, a movie that’s somehow even weirder than its reputation suggests. Yes, we’ll get to the grown woman kissing an 11-year-old boy, because that’s every bit as baffling as you’ve heard. But that’s honestly the least surprising thing about a...
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#256 - Little Fockers
This week, we’re all about unpacking 2010’s Little Fockers! The first one was good. The second one was just as good. The third one? Does anybody even remember watching this one? Well, those who did watch it HATE IT, and for good reason. This movie cost $100 million to make, and it’s 97 minutes...
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#255 - Dragonball Evolution
This week, we get into 2009’s Dragonball Evolution. I don’t watch any anime, and don’t even know what a Dragon Ball is. This movie is trash though. I know nothing about the lore, and was deeply upset. I could only imagine what it must have felt like to be that invested in a franchise, only for…
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#254 - Future Force
Ohhhh boy, Rob won the poll last week, which can only mean one thing: FUTURE FORCE, MOTHERFUCKER! This is a movie about David Carradine wearing a Nintendo Power Glove and being a fascist, while Bargain-Bin Snake Plissken runs amok in the background. I honestly don’t know who we’re supposed to…
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#253 - The Postman
This week, we will hopefully not spend three hours of our lives talking about the three hour movie we just watched: 1993’s The Postman. Starting to realize that Kevin Costner has his own Steven Seagal style-hero’s arc with big-budget blockbusters nobody asked for where he’s such a hero’s hero…
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#252 - Splice
This week, we get into 2009’s Splice, a film about fucking your genetically-modified flipper baby. Adrien Brody is at his most emo, and his bitch wife ruins science because she has mommy issues. What a mess! A sexxxxxy mess! Let’s go! Sneaky scientist’s unsanctioned ‘speriment spawns sentient,...
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#251 - The Mummy Returns
This week, we return with The Mummy Returns! Chris hates it. Rob kind of loves its PS2 looking ass graphics. We’ve only done “bad” Brendan Fraser films at this point. Maybe we’ll end the season on a positive note with Airheads or something. Who knows? It don’t matter. None of this matters.…
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#250 - Attack Force
This week, we kick off SEASON 27 with our favorite sentient gasbag, Steven Seagal. Attack Force came out at the height of his direct-to-video downfall, and boy does this one stink! Who would have thought that the guy who brought us On Deadly Ground could fall so far from grace. Wshhhshhshhhshh!!!...
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#249 - The Warriors
"WARRIORSSSS! COME OUT TO PLAYEEYYYEHHHH!" Good movie week, we really need it after this dungpile of a season! Wailing whippersnappers, The Warriors, wreck, rampage, and wander, worse for wear, waiting for war! Crime messiah killed by pariah! Vibe check 5000! DJ’s “Feed me, Seymour” mouth!”...
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#248 - War of the Worlds (2025)
War of the worlds! Not the H.G. Wells novel! Not the Spielberg one! Nope. ICE CUBE, MOTHERFUCKER! This was a gnarly experience. We complained about it so much that our episode is longer than the actual movie. Chew on that, Jeff Bezos, you bald-headed fuck! “Ohhhhh my godddddd.” -Ice Cube…
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#247 - Invasion U.S.A
This week, we bust our Chuck cherries on air with 1985’s Invasion U.S.A. Terrorists don’t get killed by Chuck Norris. They kill themselves when they know that Chuck Norris is coming for them! Russians are the big bad, just like in real life today! USA! USA! USA! Naughty, nut-knocking nemesis...
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#246 - Showdown in Little Tokyo
This week, we unpack Showdown in Little Tokyo; Brandon Lee’s other perfect masterpiece. Is this truly a bad movie, or was it simply way before its time? Come join us and find out whether this one is passable, or one of the worst movies ever made! Hyeuhhh! Crow cop and Chris Kenner kick yakuza...
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#245 - Eye See You / D-Tox
This week, we’re getting into 2002’s D-Tox, or as you may also know it, Eye See You. It’s a Stallone slasher! Yes, your eyes are not deceiving you. Adriannnnn!!! Sad Sly sucking spirits, sent to s’perimental safehouse seeking salvation, s’periencing slasher stuff, and ‘scapin unscathed!…
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#244 - Split Second
This week, we’re going to get into 1992’s Split Second. We feel like this movie has to follow its own set of rules. Is it low-budget? You betcha. Does it have more cheese than an unwashed belly-button? Absolutely. Is it great? Hell fucking yes! This movie has a lot of problems, but it’s from a...
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#243 - From Paris with Love
Don’t be fooled this week because it’s actually a bad movie week. According to Rotten Tomatoes anyway. This week, we’re going to talk about From Paris with Love, which has a punishing 37% approval rating on the review aggregator. Here’s the thing though: The critics don’t know dick about shit!…
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#242 - BloodRayne
This week we got into BloodRayne. It’s a movie set in 18th century Romania but has Panera Bread signage on its storefronts. Best to just strap in for this one! Vampire vixen vows to avenge voraciously, vicariously vamping with vulva velocity, and then a bunch of stuff happens after it’s narrated...
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#241 - TC 2000
This week, we talk about TC… TC… shit what is it called? TC 2000! Sorry, I was drawing a Blanks. A Billy Blanks! No, wait. That doesn’t work either. Anyhow, it’s a B-movie from 1993 that kinda sorta rips off RoboCop, but has a villain named Niki Picasso. This one’s a real dumper. Billy, Bobbi…
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#240 - Pass Thru
This week, we become full-fledged Breeniacs with Neil Breen's 2016 triumph, Pass Thru. Ominous red dots! Beans littering the landscape! Sleeping on garbage piles! Plot pounders! Let’s goooooo! Breen begets bloated and bizarre blueprint buffooning the bedlam of bribery, bureaucracy and…
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#239 - Bowfinger
This week is a good movie week, so we’re going to spend some time with 1999’s Bowfinger. They got Jamie Kennedy for this one (that’s a deep pull, hit up our back catalog). Also, Bob is back after his wiener transplant, so please be gentle, as he’s been through a lot. Here we go!!! Bobby bowfinger...
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#238 - The Glass House
This week, we cast our stones at 2001’s The Glass House, a movie about a family with the last name Glass, who literally live inside of a glass house. SYMBOLISM!!! WOW! In this psychological mystery thriller, there is no mystery and there are no thrills. The only thrill I got was when I...
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#237 - Bee Movie
This week we get into 2007’s Bee Movie, because it’s time to bee like that. Get it? Bee? Hahahahahahahah! Good one! Well, we guess seeing is BEE-lieving! This is basically the whole episode. Bee puns. It’s really bad, but our show is really good. If you’re already here, you know this though.…
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#236 - Jiu Jitsu
This week we get into Jiu Jitsu, a Nicolas Cage movie about what would happen if a movie studio spent $25 million on what they thought was a captivating cross between Predator and Power Rangers, with just a sprinkle of Mortal Kombat, all combined to rake in less than $100k at the box office.…
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#235 - Hulk (2003)
This week, Chris and Rob engorge themselves with rage as they unpack 2003’s Hulk. That’s right, long before the MCU, we had to watch this pile of MC-Poo. Iron Man was only a glimmer in Jon Favreau’s eye, and he hadn’t yet mustered the courage to bust a nut on Kathleen Kennedy’s impatiently...
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#234 - Over The Top
This week, we’re doing a little redux in the form of 1987’s Over The Top. The reason we’re doing this episode a second time is because it’s a double elimination. That’s right, you have to do it twice for it to count. Stallone’s got the balls, and his son’s got a big ass pussy that needs to be...
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#233 - Champagne and Bullets
This week, we bring in the new year with 1993’s Champagne and Bullets. A movie that shows its namesake with the sheer amount of champagne and bullets it presents to you, the viewer. This is classic Worst Movie Ever Made territory… think The Room, Miami Connection, Samurai Cop, Birdemic, and Neil...
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#232 - Home Sweet Home Alone
This week, we get into Home Sweet Home Alone… SIXTH HOME ALONE MOVIE!!! Yes, there’s six of them. This one stars Fat Harry Potter, and a bunch of reliably adequate comedians who make sucking on a tailpipe seem like the best way to celebrate Christmas becuase they're working with the worst...
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#231 - Santa with Muscles
This week we get into the holiday spirit by watching Santa With Muscles. It’s about Santa. With Muscles! Anything outside of that, we’re not so sure. This is our third movie on the pod to feature Hulk Hogan, but the first one that doesn't show him ripping a car door straight off its hinges. Maybe...
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#230 - Pregnant by the Pastor
This week, we get into Pregnant by the Pastor: The Aftermath, and we’re not sure if it’s a sequel or the first installment because even Tubi doesn’t know. We don’t even know what this movie is about, who it’s for, or what its many layers of dense symbolism even mean. Oh boy, here we go ...…
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#229 - Primal Fear
This week, we get into 1996’s Primal Fear, Edward Norton’s debut role, and Richard Gere’s best performance. It’s like that 2010 movie, Stone, but without the cornrows. We’re celebrating a good movie week before we get lost in the sauce again, so let’s take a deep breath, and talk about one of the...
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#228 - The Surfer
This week, we get into Nicolas Cage’s The Surfer. Shoutout to Jeff for emailing us the suggestion. We all love Nicolas Cage more than life itself, so it’s only fitting we revisit the legend after doing Prisoners of the Ghostland two weeks ago. CAGE FOR DAYYYYS! Little production note for y’all…
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#227 - Norbit
Heyyyyy, no video feed this week guys. We had an unspeakable amount of behind-the-scenes issues that were unfortunately not able to be rectified. Thanks Norbit ... you broke us. We may never recover. Here we go! Unfunny, fake, flabby female flogs, flips, and feuds with four-eyed fellow and his...
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#226 - Prisoners of the Ghostland
This week, you better hold onto your TESTICLLLEEEEEES because we’re getting into 2021’s Prisoners of the Ghost Land, starring our one true God, Nicolas Cage. What’s the movie about, you ask? Your guess is as good as ours, but it’s like if Mad Max was Snake Plissken, but also Nicolas Cage in a...
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#225 - Alligator
This week, we get into 1980’s Alligator; a movie that is way better than we thought it would be, but feel compelled to roast anyway given the nature of this podcast. You should watch it. It’s on Tubi for free. It’s great. Sometimes it’s not. But it mostly is. Aight, let’s go. Gator guts guys who...
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#224 - Half Past Dead
This week, we get into Half Past Dead, or as we like to call it: Halfway to straight-to-DVD for the remainder of Steven Seagal’s career! Alcatraz! Ja Rule! Gold Heists! Cars! Guns! Russians! OH MY GOD WE’RE ALREADY YELLING SO WE MIGHT AS WELL GET INTO IT! Here we go, cuh. Squishy Steven is stuck…
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