All Episodes

E259: Sex and Intimacy After Kids: What Actually Works (From Parents Who've Figured It Out)

E258: Weed, Alcohol, and Sex: What's Actually Happening to Your Body and Desire

E257: Am I The Asshole? Oversharing, Snoring, and Body Shaming

E256: Doggy Style: Tips, Tricks, and Techniques for Maximum Pleasure

E255: The Sexiest Thing You're Not Doing in Bed…Mutual Masturbation

E254: Couples Coaching: Why Resentment Is Killing Your Sex Life

E253: Ask A Sex Therapist: dry spells, sex pillows, and morning sex

E252: Don’t Give Your Kids “The Talk” (do this instead)

E251: What’s Your Desire Type? Our NEW Framework for Understanding What You and Your Partner Really Want

E250: What Do Men Really Think About…? Part 4 (Heated Rivalry, mental load + areolas)

E249: Help! I can’t orgasm with my partner. What do I do?

E248: How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner (Without Making It Weird)

E247: Our Recent Foreplay Discoveries (and how to explore more)

E246: How To Stay Connected When The World Feels Like It’s Burning

E245: What It’s Really Like to Start TRT: Xander’s Testosterone Journey

E244: How To Schedule Sex (our hot take)

E243: Your Biggest Marriage Regrets (And How To Prevent Them)

E242: Penis Performance Problems: What’s Really Going On (And What To Do About It)

E241: Sex Fails: Car Hookups, Clap Lights, and Cowgirl Concussions

E240: The Body Confidence Episode - How To Feel Good In Your Skin During Sex

E239: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt. 3)

E238: Ask a Sex Therapist: Cycle Libido, Rough Sex & How to Sync Up Your O’s

E237: The Real Reason You’re Not Having More Sex

E236: Sex with Other People…Around: Our Holiday Do’s and Don’ts

E235: How Your Phone Is Secretly Sabotaging Your Connection (and what to do about it)

E234: Tie Breakers: Passwords, Period Sex, and Passenger Princesses (We’re Settling It Once and for All)

E233: Our Most Viral Tips (That Actually Changed People’s Sex Lives)

E232: Trick or Treat: The Bedroom Edition

E231: When Life Gets Heavy (A Personal Update)

E230 How to Actually Enjoy Oral Sex (Without Overthinking It)

E229: Ask A Sex Therapist: Swallowing, Fetishes, + Exes

E228: Breaking Down A Real-Life Text Fight (pt 2.)

E227: Initiation: What You’re Getting Wrong And How To Get It Right

E226: Foreplay Frustrations: How to Get More (and Better) Foreplay

E225: The Truth About Sex and Aging: Menopause, Erectile Dysfunction, and Libido

E224: The Beginner’s Guide to Sex Toys & Tools

E223: Sex After Baby: Postpartum Sex, Intimacy & Desire

E222: The AI Girlfriend: How to Protect Your Relationship from Artificial Intimacy

E221: How to Explore Your Kinks Without Shame (Cuckolding, Pegging, Breeding, and more)

E220: A Partner’s Guide To The Female Orgasm

E219: The Truth About Female Orgasm: Your Q’s Answered!

E218 Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It pt. 2

E217: Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It

E216: The Truth About Being Passive In Bed: And How To Take Control

E215: Mismatched Sex Drive Types: The #1 Reason Couples Struggle With Desire

E214: The Truth About Being Touch-Starved (Even In A Happy Relationship)

E213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!)

E212: Why You Flinch When Your Partner Touches You (And How To Fix It) "The Bristle Reaction”

E211: Ask A Sex Therapist: Penis Pumps, Pegging, + Postpartum Sex

E210: How To Know When Enough Is Enough

E209: Mental Load: The #1 Desire Killer

E208: Stuck In A Relationship Rut? Here’s Your 4-Week Fix

E207 The Foreplay Episode: The 5 Things We’re All Getting Wrong

E206: Butt Stuff 101: Everything You’re Too Afraid To Ask

E205: Couples Coaching Session: How To Ask For More Even If You Don’t Know What You Want

E204: Confessions Of An Overactive Bladder

E203: Is This Cheating? Part 2

E202: Am I being defensive, or am I defending myself?

E201: Couples Coaching Session: They Love Each Other… So Why Does Their Sex Life Feel Stuck?

E200: 200 Episodes Later: Let’s Get Personal! (Ask Us Anything)

E199: Am I The Asshole? Masturbation, Snooping, and Jealousy

E198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex (Initiation Fixes You Need to Know)

E197: Ask A Sex Therapist - Resentment, Sexual Frustration, And The Death Grip

E196: 90 Prompts to Transform Your Sex Life (We Answer Some Live!)

E195: Giddyup, Cowgirl! Tips, Tricks, & Techniques For Maximum Pleasure

E194: What Your Partner Wishes You’d Stop Doing In The Bedroom Part 2

E193: The Things We Can’t Say In The Comments

E192: “Is This Normal?” Part 4 — Low Desire Husband, Never Had A Fight, & Baby Talk

E191: Breaking Free From Purity Culture And Religious Shame

E190: Am I Being Reasonable Or Ridiculous?

E189: Can We Have A Fresh Start? Or Is It Too Late?

E188: Is Your Ultimatum Going To Work?

Episode 187: Am I The Asshole? The Holiday Edition Part 2

Episode 186: Period Sex, Internal Vs External Processors, & Queer In A Straight Relationship

Episode 185: How To Navigate Porn In Your Relationship

Episode 184: How To Get More Physical Intimacy From Your Partner

Episode 183: How To Get More Emotional Intimacy From Your Partner

Episode 182: “Help! I’m Not Into My Partner’s Fantasy!”

Episode 181: A Brutally Honest Relationship Check-In

Episode 180: Smash Or Pass: We Try The Weirdest Women’s Magazines Sex Tips

Episode 179: All Your Female Orgasm Questions: Answered!

Episode 178: Tie-Breakers: We Solve Your Relationship Standoffs

Episode 177: Why You Should Try Mutual Masturbation And How To Do It

Episode 176: Is This Cheating?

Episode 175: “Should I Put Up With This In The Bedroom?”

Episode 174: Ask Us Anything: Addressing All Of Your Assumptions

Episode 173: I’m Attracted To Someone Else, What Do I Do?

Episode 172: Bring Sex Toys Into Your Bedroom (Without Making It Weird)

Episode 171: Your Funniest Stories About Getting “The Talk”

Episode 170: What Do Women Really Think About ___? Part 2

Episode 169: Is This Your Shit Or Mine? Part 2

Episode 168: Long Distance? How To Keep The Spark Alive

Episode 167: Should We Open Our Relationship?

Episode 166: How To Create More Privacy For Sex

Episode 165: How To Actually Be Vulnerable With Your Partner

Episode 164: Why You Need To Flirt In Your Relationship And How To Do It

Episode 163: Should We Have A Threesome?

Episode 162: “Is This Normal?” Part 3 — More Questions You Never Dared To Ask Out Loud

Episode 161: We’re In Couples Therapy - Ask Us Anything!

Episode 160: These 4 Communication Mistakes Cause Breakups

Episode 159: “Why Do Guys Do This?” - Xander Explains Male Behavior Part 2

Episode 158: Maybe It’s Not Low Libido…

Episode 157: Come on a Double Date with Us! (“Know Ya Boo” Part 2)

Episode 156: What To Do When It’s Been A While… (The Dry Spell Episode)

Episode 155: Am I The Asshole? In-Laws Edition

Episode 154: How To Stop Feeling Resentment In Your Relationship

Episode 153: The Secret Foreplay Technique You Don’t Even Know About

Episode 152: Breaking Down A Text Fight

Episode 151: How To Get Your Partner To Open Up About Sex (Even If They’re Resistant)

Episode 150: Smash Or Pass? We Try The Wildest Sex Tips You’ve Ever Heard (Volume 3)

Episode 149: Partner Having Penis Performance Problems? Here’s What To Do - And What Not To Do

Episode 148: “Help Me See Where My Partner Is Coming From!” (Advice Episode)

Episode 147: Your Sexual Fantasies Revealed

Episode 146: Are You Nagging? Or Is Your Partner Being Childish?

Episode 145: What Your Partner Secretly Wishes You’d Stop Doing In The Bedroom

Episode 144: We’re In Couples Therapy

Episode 143: The Body Confidence Episode - How To Feel Good In Your Skin During Sex

Episode 142: Are You Lazy In Bed? Here’s What Your Partner Says…

Episode 141: How To Get Your Partner To Be More Romantic

Episode 140: What Your Sex Personality Type Says About You In The Bedroom

Episode 139: Xander’s Vasectomy Part 2: Answering Your Questions About Pain, Performance, And Masculinity

Episode 138: Your Funniest Foreplay Fails

Episode 137: Xander Got A Vasectomy!

Episode 136: The Top 10 Pillow Talks Podcast Moments of 2023

Episode 135: Am I The Asshole? The Holiday Edition

Episode 134: Everything You’re Getting Wrong About Intercourse (And How To Get It Right)

Episode 133: Dead Bedrooms Part 2: We Coach Another Couple Through Resuscitating Their Sex Life

Episode 132: Why We Started Making Out Every Night

Episode 131: How Honest Is Too Honest?

Episode 130: The Bristle Reaction, Icky Initiation, And Bad Assumptions: 5 Surprising Lessons From Your Feedback About Our Book

Episode 129: Do You Have Silent Sex? Here’s Why That’s A Problem

Episode 128: Sneaky Ways To Get Your Partner More Involved In Your Relationship

Episode 127: Ask Us Anything: Spilling Our Business Secrets

Episode 126: Queefing, And Farting, And Squirting, Oh My! Bodily Functions In The Bedroom

Episode 125: Am I The Asshole?

Episode 124: Is Your Sex Life Too Boring?

Episode 123: A Parent’s Guide To Making Time For Sex And Intimacy

Episode 122: “Don’t Touch Me Like That”: Confronting Unwanted Touch In Your Relationship

Episode 121: When She Wants It More: Navigating Mismatched Libidos When The Woman Has A Higher Drive

Episode 120: “Why Do Guys Do This?” - Xander Explains Male Behavior

Episode 119: Jealousy In Relationships: Why Do We Get Jealous, And What Do We Do About It?

Episode 118: The Foreplay Episode: The 5 Things We’re All Getting Wrong

Episode 117: So You Think You Know Us? Answering Your Assumptions!

Episode 116: What Do I Do When My Partner Is Always On Their Phone?

Episode 115: Grief And Sex: Loving Each Other Through A Loss

Episode 114: Can We Come Back From This? Part 2: Even More Relationship Make Or Break Moments

Episode 113: Bump And Grind: Sex During Pregnancy

Episode 112: Creating A Shortcut To Intimacy With Compliments

Episode 111: What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Talk About Sex

Episode 110: Unzipped And Unfiltered: Your Funniest Sex Fails

Episode 109: This ONE Thing Is Secretly Affecting Your ENTIRE Relationship

Episode 108: “Help! I’ve Been Faking Orgasms So Long I Don’t Know How To Stop!”

Episode 107: Ask Each Other Anything: Celebrating Our Queer Community With A Q&A

Episode 106: Exposing Our Biggest Relationship Frustrations With Enneagram Expert Tracy O’Malley

Episode 105: “Is This Normal?” 2.0 — More Questions You Never Dared To Ask Out Loud

Episode 104: An Exclusive Sneak Peek: Chapter One Of Sex Talks

Episode 103: What Do Women Really Think About…? (Masturbation, Butt Stuff, Penis Size, And More!)

Episode 102: Smash Or Pass? We Try The Wildest Sex Tips You’ve Ever Heard (Intercourse Edition)

Episode 101: Is Gaming Hurting Your Relationship? Part 1 Of The “I Love You But I Don’t Like You” Series

Episode 100: Our 100th Episode Extravaganza: The Ultimate Round of “Know Ya Boo”

Episode 99: The Bristle Reaction: What It Is, How It Happens, And What You Can Do To Fix It

Episode 98: Dead Bedrooms: We Coach One Couple Through Resuscitating Their Sex Life

Episode 97: Smash Or Pass? We Try The Wildest Sex Tips You’ve Ever Heard (Foreplay Edition)

Episode 96: Things That Go Bump (Or Bang) In the Night

Episode 95: Mental Load Part 2: Conversations About Perfectionism, Gender Roles, And Finding Balance With Your Partner

Episode 94: The “Start Here” Episode - Allow Us To Reintroduce Ourselves

Episode 93: Would You Rather?

Episode 92: The Brutally Honest Truth About Our New York Times Best Selling Book

Episode 91: “Is This Normal?” 15 Questions You Never Dared To Ask Out Loud

Episode 90: Why Missionary Is (Secretly) Our Favorite Position

Episode 89: How To Get The Intimacy You’ve Always Craved

Episode 88: How To Decide If You Should Have Kids Or Not. And Are We Still Child Free By Choice?

Episode 87: Sex Talks: Sharing All The Secrets Behind Writing Our First Book

Episode 86: Ask Us Anything Part 4: This Time It’s Personal

Episode 85: Make 2023 The Year You Finally Feel Sexy

Episode 84: Top 10 Podcast Moments of 2022

Episode 83: How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument

Episode 82: The 15 Lessons That Keep Us Saying “I Do” After 15 Years

Episode 81: Ho Ho Help! How To Survive Holiday Stress

Episode 80: Be A Man And Talk About Your Feelings

Episode 79: Sex Confessions: The Good, The Bad, And The WTF

Episode 78: Initiation: What You And Your Partner Are Doing Wrong - And How To Get It Right

Episode 77: Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Orgasms

Episode 76: How Much Do You Really Want It? The Sex Drive Episode

Episode 75: Am I Being Unreasonable?

Episode 74: Are We…Growing Apart?

Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner?

Episode 72: The Lowdown On Painful Sex

Episode 71: Ask Us Anything Part 3: Extra Spicy Edition

Episode 70: How To Keep Stress Low And Pleasure High When You’re Trying To Conceive

Episode 69: What Do Men REALLY Think About… Part Two! (Lingerie, Boobs, Money, Queefing, and More!)

Episode 68: The Ultimate Butt Stuff Episode

Episode 67: Hot Takes: How We REALLY Feel About Your Most Requested Topics

Episode 66: The True Story Of How We Built A Sex Therapy Business

Episode 65: How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step Process

Episode 64: Are You Roommates or Romantic Partners?

Episode 63: Does Your Partner Care Enough About YOUR Pleasure?

Episode 62: The Truth About Money and Relationships

Episode 61: Putting The O Back In Mom: Reigniting Your Sex Life After Kids

Episode 60: Help! My Partner Hates Self-Improvement!

Episode 59: Roleplaying 101: Ditch The Awkwardness And Find Your Confidence

Episode 58: The Sex Act You Should Be Doing - But Probably Aren’t

Episode 57: Is This Your Shit Or Mine?

Episode 56: What Do Men REALLY Think About… ? (Vulvas, Emotional Intimacy, And More!)

Episode 55: The 69 Episode

Episode 54: Ask Us Anything Part 2: MORE Of Your Burning Questions, Answered

Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners

Episode 52: How To Get Your Man To Take Control In The Bedroom

Episode 51: The Art of Flirting (In a Long Term Relationship)

Episode 50: I Don’t Know How To Say This, But...

Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It)

Episode 48: How To Get Out Of (And Prevent) Dry Spells

Episode 47: What Penis Performance Problems REALLY Mean

Episode 46: The Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Taking Care Of Themselves

Episode 45: Busting – And Confirming! – The Wildest Sex Myths

Episode 44: How To Get Your Partner To Open Up

Episode 43: How To STOP Getting Distracted During Sex!

Episode 42: Are You Sexually Compatible?

Episode 41: The Ask Us Anything Episode: All Your Burning Questions, Answered!

Episode 40: When Your Partner Wants Sex But You Don’t

Episode 39: If You Had To Ask, Does It Even Count?

Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First?

Episode 37: The Truth About Why We’re Child-Free

Episode 36: Can We Come Back From This?

Episode 35: Fine, I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Danger of Weaponized Incompetence

Episode 34: I Want You To Want Me

Episode 33: The Episode We Almost Didn’t Release

Episode 32: 5 Ways To Make 2022 Your Most Intimate AND Nasty Year Ever

Episode 31: Should We Open Our Relationship?

Episode 30: Sex With Other People...Around

Episode 29: Anxious? Avoidant? What Your Attachment Style Says About You (And Your Relationship)

Episode 28: So Your Partner Told You Their Fantasy... And You're Not Into It

Episode 27: Your In-Law Holiday Survival Guide

Episode 26: Are You Good In Bed?

Episode 25: Are You Too Needy?

Episode 23: Butt Stuff!

Episode 22: How To Not Pass Sexual Shame On To Your Kids

Episode 21: Cowgirls And Doggies And [Redacted], Oh My! Your Guide To Trying New Sex Positions

Episode 20: Should We Break Up?

Episode 19: How To Have Amazing Sex With A Brand New Partner

Episode 18: How To Get That New Relationship Energy Back

Episode 17: How To Allow Yourself To Receive In The Bedroom

Episode 16: No, Your Partner Didn't Make You Feel That Way - Your Feelings Are Your Responsibility

Episode 15: The Secret To Feeling More Pleasure In The Bedroom

Episode 14: How To Navigate Different Political, Social, And Religious Beliefs In Dating And Relationships

Episode 13: How To Handle Rejection When Your Partner Says No To Sex

Episode 12: How To Let Your Partner Love Your Body - Even If You Don't

Episode 11: How Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles Into A Sex Therapy Business!

Episode 10: Communication Breakdowns: We Coach Real Couples Through Their Worst Fights So You Can Get Better At Yours

Episode 9: How Often Is Everyone REALLY Having Sex? And What's Healthy For Your Relationship?

Episode 8: Has Purity Culture Harmed Your Sex Life? How To Overcome Religious Shame

Episode 7: What Makes a Great Kiss? And What to Do if You Don’t Like the Way Your Partner Kisses

Episode 6: This Is Why Your partner Won't Work On Your Relationship With You - And How To Finally Get Them To!

Episode 5: How to “Let Go” During Sex

Episode 4: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship

Episode 3: Should Sex Happen Naturally?

Episode 2: Can You Actually Solve Problems In Your Relationship?

Episode 1: The Secret To Hot Sex? Talking About It!

Welcome to the Pillow Talks Podcast with Vanessa + Xander