S5E1: Keats, Treats, and Season Five Deets

Welcome, blue-balls-to-the-wallers, to the SEASON FIVE PREMIERE that nobody saw coming. That's right, despite all odds and massive popular resistance, Blue Balls is back for another barely-professional flirtation with serious soccer journalism in the guise of dick jokes. Jake and Trey kick the season off, as they always do, with a hard-hitting round of OVER/UNDER. Follow along with your own over/under stats sheet this season and tweet us your results at the end to win absolutely nothing. PLUS: in-depth analysis of the bearish predictions market for NYCFC's fifth season on the field, a breakdown of offseason action and acquisitions, and some senseless starting eleven chatter. Your blue ballers for life will be with you every step of the way this Season Five - starting NOW. Don't stand up too fast: you've got Blue Balls.