The Tenacious Mama: Confessions of An Adoptive Mother

Confession: Lane is exposed to vapes, cigarettes, and weed on a daily basis at school.  My current expectation (after Lane has been struggling with all of these substances throughout this school year) is this: you might take hits off of friends during the school day, but you will not have it on your person or in our home.  If I find it, the established consequences will be enforced.Included in this episode:*a funny Christmas story*Lane's first time smoking weed and his dabbling in it continues*why I do not allow Lane to have cigarettes, vape pens, or weed in my home*the dangers of teens smoking weedTeens and WeedAmerican Addiction CentersTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: My son first tried vaping in 4th grade with a friend at school. In 5th grade, I caught him smoking a cigarette he’d found on the street in our garage. He’s vaped off and on ever since, and now at 16, he’s addicted to nicotine and has no interest in quitting. I’ve had all the talks, tried consequences, bribery—even bought him Nicorette gum to help him quit. And honestly? I’m exhausted, and it’s starting to feel futile.  I refuse to give up.  Included in this episode:*the details of Lane's first cigarette*Lane vaping on school grounds in middle school*the history of e-cigs in the Netflix series Big Vape The Rise and Fall of Juul*sobering statistics of teens and vaping*the pervasiveness of vaping in schools, according to educators*Lane's current nicotine fix is cigarettes*growing up with a father who smoked and how I encouraged him to quit when I was in high school*why I won't give up this fight!Big Vape on NetflixSurgeon General Information Page Youth Vaping Resource Guide2016 Surgeon General’s Report on Youth and VapingIt’s Everywhere articleTrying to help your teen quit?  Check out these resources:The Real CostTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: The last two weeks have been a fabulous reminder that I can only do so much to set my son up for success, that he’s also got to put some effort in, and most of it is out of my control.  Radical acceptance, baby!Included in this episode:*updates on Lane's lifeguarding written test*updates on diving on a high school team*Lane is starting to see himself in new ways*finding ways to focus on what I can control and letting go of the rest!She's Working On It! podcastTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I sometimes catch myself falling into the bad habit of letting the weekly issues with Lane prevent me from seeing the bigger picture with him.  Can’t see the forest for the trees, type of thing.  However, when I create space to reflect and celebrate his wins, it keeps it in better perspective. Spoiler alert for this episode: things are going REALLY well for Lane. Included in this episode:*some of the reasons I slipped into a depressive episode last fall*brief overview with my (failed) experiences with TMS, Sprovato, and Lithium*celebrations of Lane!  Things that are currently going well*my new strategies picked up from the Mel Robbins podcast episode with time management expert Laura VanderkamMel Robbins with Laura Vanderkam on Better Time ManagementTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I am currently climbing out of an almost three month-long deep depression that really threw me for a loop. As the clouds are finally beginning to part, and I’m feeling more myself, I’m ready to get back into creating content for this podcast and I’d like to share what depression looks like for me.  Included in this episode:*why my two month hiatus from this podcast dragged on into 6 months*why I've had to start talking to my son about my depression*my analogy of living life while underwater*how depression showed up for me this time (lack of interest, difficulty completing daily tasks, procrastination linked to mindless activities, irritability, and self-isolation)*the lies depression told me: you are a burden and no one cares about you*what I was still able to accomplished while in a deep depression*some of my cognitively distorted thoughts during that time*why I'm hiring someone to clean my house- PRONTO!SHOWNOTES: 5 Lies Depression Tells YouTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: It is sometimes hard for me to allow Lane to express himself through his appearance, whether it’s coloring his hair, wearing goofy earrings, or sagging his pants.  However, I realize if I stifle this important teen outlet of creativity, the risk of rebelling increases exponentially.  I have no research or data to back this up.  It’s just my opinion. Included in this episode:*summer activities for a 15 year old*executive functioning skills class for teens*his first day camp experience at 2 and 1/2 and what I realized*Lane's questionable attire on day one of this week's day camp*I love boobies! belt*his love for wearing fancy clothes when he was little*our car's google tells us a joke and sings to us every day*Tesla's on the road- blegh!SHOW NOTES:Keep A Breast FoundationExample of a rockabilly kids’ shirtExample of a guayaberaTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I secretly judge parents and caregivers who do not expect their child or teen to help out around the house with regular chores.  I don’t know how many of them are out there, but I certainly know a few personally.  I don’t typically judge others, however, I’m gonna get on my soapbox about this one.Also included in this episode:*my shift in perspective from the dreaded teen years to parenting a teen is fun!*Lane's spot on application of a classic quote from the movie Elf*Lane's household chores over the years*allowance for chores?*how I have motivated him through the years to help out around the house*why chores are a good thing for kids and teens and why I'm secretly judging those who have no expectation for their children*two things I said (and sang) to put a stop to whining, complaining, and begging when he was youngerSHOWNOTES:Chores and ChildrenLove and LogicBrainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J SiegelTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I recently learned in a family therapy session that one cannot be angry and twerk at the same time. Fun fact! Also included in this episode:*more valuable content from Daniel Siegel's book Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain*the handy model of the brain*why the ages of 12-24 are the most dangerous of our lives*the importance of keeping open lines of communication with your teen and how to work toward it*how Siegel recommends healing from a disorganized attachment model*why Lane and I love the movie Instant Family*another funny Lane storySHOW NOTES: Dr. Dan Siegel’s Hand Model of the BrainDan Siegel - "Flipping Your Lid:" A Scientific ExplanationInstant Family TrailerTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I have started referring to myself as Lane’s bumpers on a bowling lane.  I can guide and provide for him, keeping him out of the gutters in adolescence, while at the same time understanding he has free will.  I need to trust in his ability to make good choices in the teen years.  Lane needs to trust that I will be there for him, even when he doesn’t.Also included in this episode:*the sad reality of school lockdown drills*school tours and how Lane chose his new school for 10th grade*more about Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J. Siegel*the importance of keeping the lines of communication open between you and your teen*examples of showing no emotional reaction when my then-stepsons and Lane shared surprising things*why I try to ask, "Do you want to be heard, hugged, or helped?" when Lane discloses things*how I worked with Lane to understand why he was ditching school in 8th grade and what finally cured him of the bad habitSHOW NOTES:Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J SiegelTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I used to think that the teenage years were something I had to suffer through before Lane grew up to be an adult.  But I just found a book that changed all that.  I now understand the massive changes the teen brain is undergoing and I look forward to helping Lane harness the power of his powerful new brain so he can thrive in his adolescence.Included in this episode:*my Mother's Day surprise!*Overview of the book Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J Siegel*two common symptoms questionnaires administered for mental health services*funny Lane stories involving our favorite movie Nacho LibreSHOW NOTES:Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel J SiegelTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I have to let go of what I thought high school would be like for Lane and accept the fact that he needs more specialized and individualized attention that simply is not available in a traditional high school.  Luckily, there are lots of options out there for kids like mine.  The trick is figuring out which one will be the best for Lane.SHOWNOTES:What We Carry: A Memoir By Maya Shanbhag LangThe Sixteenth of June By Maya Shanbhag LangTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: My best friend of over 30 years ghosted me two years ago.  Believe it or not, she shut me out of her life not once, not twice, but a total of three times over the course of our friendship.Also included:*how and when we met*how we stayed close, despite the 1000s of miles between us*our roadtrip to attend the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta*a helpful article that helped me understand*details about the first two times she dumped me*my reflection on why I kept letting her back in, but this time I won'tSHOW NOTES:My BFF Ghosted Me When I Needed Her Most By Aileen WeintraubTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I am constantly reminded that the more I learn, the less I know.  This week that lesson came in the form of videos on vestibular and proprioceptive systems.   What I learned in these videos was super informative and I wish I had learned about it when Lane was young.  I also reflect on the the joys and frustrations of my motherhood journey.  Included in this episode:*a sweet read aloud from Lane's adoption day*Lane reading books to our dog*what about the 99 out of 100 kids without a mother like me?*videos on vestibular and proprioceptive systems*what I wish more teachers knew about kids who need to move in order to pay attention and learnSHOW NOTES:I Love You So… By Marianne RichmondBrain Highways: The Vestibular SystemBrain Highways: The Proprioceptive SystemDear Teacher: Heartfelt Advice For Teachers From StudentsTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: Before I was introduced to TBRI, I once had an epic meltdown, which included throwing all of my shoes on the floor of my bedroom in a rage.  I threw every single pair of my shoes as hard as I could onto the hardwood floor while screaming at the top of my lungs.  Not my finest moment, but I did apologize to Lane about it afterwards and we had a powerful heart-to-heart.Included in this episode:*why I believe anyone who works with vulnerable youth or in marginalized communities would benefit from TBRI training*what I learned from the very first TBRI podcast about the brain, making a mental model shift from willful disobedience to fear-based behaviors, the biological effects of trauma on a person later in life, and a powerful parent story*the TBRI mantra*the story of my epic meltdown when Lane was in 8th grade*how my current self feels empathy and compassion for my previous self when reflecting on the embarrassing incident*trauma-informed classroom strategies and supports- also good for all kids!SHOWNOTES:A Front Porch Conversation with Daren Jones and Troy McPeak on the TBRI PodcastA Front Porch Conversation with Daren Jones and Troy McPeak Part 2Trauma, The Brain, and TBRI (podcast episode 1)Relationship of Childhood Abuse and Household Dysfunction to Many Of the Leading Causes of Deaths in AdultsAbout the CDC-Kaiser ACES StudyCreating Trauma-Informed Classrooms articleKaryn Purvis Institute of Child Development websiteTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I wish I had found TBRI Trust Based Relational Interventions when Lane was in Kindergarten instead of 8th grade.  In my humble opinion, it is THE SINGLE MOST POWERFUL intervention program foster and adoptive families need to be trained in. Included in this episode:*more on my high-functioning depression*powerful activities from my IOP two years ago*being authentic and vulnerable with friends and family*grieving the motherhood I thought I would have*how I found TBRI*our positive experience with our in-home TBRI practitioner*an overview of the TBRI principles and strategies *a few nuggets from my notes from a parent TBRI training*two TBRI podcast episodes I found particularly helpful*the IDEAL acronym to remind caregivers how to address behaviorsKaryn Purvis Institute of Child LearningThe TBRI PodcastTBRI Podcast Episode: TBRI Responsive Strategies Pt 1 9/4/24TBRI Podcast Episode: TBRI Responsive Strategies Pt 2 (Teens) 9/11/24Parenting From the Inside Out by Daniel J Siegel, and Mary HartzellTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: Reliving Lane’s Kindergarten year has been much more difficult than I imagined it would be.  Luckily, it didn’t seem to have any lasting impact on Lane.  In fact, he doesn’t remember any of it! Included in this episode:*another funny story from my childhood*blog entry written on 8/23/15: Lane is making great gains*disastrous meeting with his Kinder teacher at the end of the school year*hired a SpEd advocate to get Lane qualified for an IEP*last blog entry I ever wrote on 1/5/16: Taking better care of myself in 2016Talk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: Rereading my blog entries about Lane’s adoption day makes me a bit sad.  I was so optimistic and naive.  I never would have imagined ending up where we are now.  I share two blog entries written right before and immediately after Lane's adoption day in addition to more horror stories of Lane's Kindergarten teacher.  Included in this episode:*blog entry written on 7/11/12: Tomorrow we stand before a judge*mandated reporter<his Kinder teacher failed to follow protocol*the spring parent/teacher conference*equity= providing each child what s/he needs to succeed*Lane's loss of recess privileges for 2 weeks and its impact on his behavior in the afternoons*blog entry written on 7/21/12: Final adoption decreeTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I used to be proud of my career in elementary education…until I had a child who didn’t fit the mold and only then realized how the kids on the ends of the bell curve were not thriving.  And in many cases, kids like mine are made to feel like a bad kid or stupid because they do not get the attention and supports they need to experience success.  I take a trip down memory lane, detailing how Kindergarten was the start of my son's difficulties in the school setting.  To be continued in the next episode.  I also share a few more of our family pranks and the power of acts of kindness, which includes the fun acronym BABILOO!Included in this episode:*my best prank caught on video!*ADHD support group for parents*Lane's Kindergarten parent orientation night*assessment<placed with one of two teachers*first parent/teacher conference*called out in a school wide assembly*Lane dancing with his "girlfriend" at the Halloween party*Lane's MANY Halloween costumesTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I used to be my own worst enemy with negative self-talk that I wasn’t even aware I was engaging in.  Now that I know, I’m working to becoming my own best friend with self-compassion, self-love, and positive self-talk.  I'll share how gratitude is my superpower (when I practice it consistently), my new favorite gratitude journal, and a trick to turn your inner critic into your compassionate witness.  Included in this episode:*Ray of F'ing Sunshine post-it notes*gratitude is a super power*the 6 Minute Diary*time capsule: a letter to my future self to be read in one year*self-talk: a bully? or your best friend?*the ABCs of self-love*Lane wants to have kids so he can be the dad he never hadSHOW NOTES:Ray of F*cking Sunshine Sticky NotesThe 6 Minute Diaryfutureme.orgMel Robbins on the Jefferson Fisher podcastThe ABCs of Self Love: A Simple Guide to Loving  Yourself, Reclaiming Your Worth, and Changing Your Life By Meldoy GodfredTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I swear a lot.  Well, maybe not a lot, but I definitely swear.  Some believe that it’s healthy for you to get it out, but, like all things, only in moderation.  Also included: stories from my childhood, more about the How We Feel app, the 5 lies depression tells you, and funny stories about swearing! Oh, and how the Let Them Theory is helping me reclaim my peace.Included in this episode:*a funny story from my childhood*How We Feel app helps me check in with my feelings several times a day*the 4 quadrants of emotions and a few of my favorites from each*reports and tools on the app*the 5 lies depression tells you*my first curse word as a toddler and my mother's response*my favorite gifts from friends include swear wordsSHOW NOTES:How We Feel5 Lies Depression Tells You By Emma McAdamParents Under Pressure: Struggling to Raise Children in an Unequal America By Karen ZilbersteinThe Let Them Theory on Mel Robbins PodcastThe Let Them Theory book by Mel RobbinsMel Robbins with Oprah podcastTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I didn’t learn how to process my emotions until my mental health crisis when Lane was in 7th grade. To those of you who are emotionally healthy, that may sound crazy.  But it’s true.  I share how music therapy helped me process emotions, as well as a helpful analogy to understand why processing your feelings is so important.  You'll also hear about Lane's first concert experiences and extracurricular activities.   Included in this episode:*my mental health crisis and how music helped me*Lane dancing to banda music at a party*music is a constant in our lives*Lane's first concert: Kids Bop at Red Rocks Amphitheater*NF concert in 8th grade*NF's song Happy really hit when I was at my lowest*Therapy in a Nutshell: fish processing plant analogy*Lane's extracurricular activities through the years: capoeira, gymnastics, soccer, baseball, flag football, football, drumming SHOW NOTES:Hope music video- NFHappy music video- NFTherapy In A Nutshell- Emma McAdam LMFTHow We Feel appTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I suffer from depression: major depressive disorder.  But because I am high-functioning and an extrovert, very few people in my life know this about me- even many close friends and family members.   I reflect on why my depression seems to hide in plain sight as well as explain some of my most troublesome symptoms of depression.  I also share more fun stories of Lane dancing through the years!Included in this episode:*Lane's first dance class and his hip-hop outfit and routine at the recital*my diagnosis: major depressive disorder*Dr Judith Joseph: high functioning depression*my depression is not visible to most, but shows up in low energy and procrastination*meds, therapy, reducing alcohol consumption, exercise, self-help books*Dr Judith Joseph: the 5 Vs: validation, venting, values, vitals, and vision*Lane dancing at a wedding in Vermont*School of Breaking*Lane's constant need for motion SHOW NOTES: Mel Robbins and Dr. Judith JosephThe Let Them Theory by Mel RobbinsHigh Functioning:  Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy by Dr. Judith JosephTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: Despite my extensive background working with children as an educator, I was woefully underprepared to parent a child with developmental trauma.   Also included are stories of Lane's dancing abilities and how they showed themselves at a very young age!Included in this episode:*Lane's dancing at a wedding*the terms "wounded children" and "kids from hard places"*developmental trauma*Lane's layers of trauma*the juxtaposition of working in a trauma responsive school district and parenting Lane*the window of tolerance is much smaller for folks with a trauma background*Lane dancing the Whip It Nae Nae at the airport!SHOWNOTES:Developmental Trauma Upclose from beaconhouse.org.ukTBRIDancing with a porcupine: parenting wounded children without losing yourself by Jennie Lynn OwensUnderstanding Your Window of Tolerance from mi-psych.comUnderstanding the Window of Tolerance And How It Affects You from mindmypeelings.comUnderstanding the Window of Tolerance And How Trauma Throws You Off Balance from restoredhopecounsellingservices.comTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: In those early years, I often looked at other families and thought, “It must be nice to have a kid who…” (dot, dot, dot, fill in the blank).  I still catch myself doing it sometimes, even now.  But comparison is the thief of joy.  I’m learning to let that shit go!I share how comparisons with other families caused me suffering,  as well as the ways I learned to combat that with strategies to keep me grounded in joy and gratitude.  Additionally, an excerpt from another Sarah Naish book helped me to empathize with my son during difficult times.  Included in this episode:*blog entry written on 5/18/15: I regret not putting my son on medication*examples of thoughts of, "Must be nice to have a kid who..."*Welcome to Holland poem*how I combat feelings of envy: gratitude journal, focus on strengths, breaks from social media, knowledge is power*what helped me be empathetic with Lane*"penguins don't fly" analogy from Sarah NaishMy audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!SHOWNOTESThe Quick Guide to Therapeutic Parenting A Visual Introduction by Sarah NaishThe A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I can’t imagine what it would have been like to parent my son without the help of medication to manage his symptoms of ADHD and ODD.  I explain that although I am no expert and I believe this is a decision not to be taken lightly, medication certainly helped Lane.  I don't judge families who don't medicate their child; I ask that you not judge those of us who do.  In this episode:*medications help me with my depression*my stop-gap meds for anxiety last spring*Lane's teacher's description of him once he was on ADHD meds*years later started meds for mood swings due to ODD*unsolicited opinions of others*parenting strategies, in addition to medicationMy audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!SHOWNOTESUnderstanding Oppositional DisorderADHD vs. ODD: Similarities and DifferencesThree Most Common Mental Health Illnesses in Adopted ChildrenThe A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: When Lane was little, not having a daddy was much harder on him than being adopted was.  As a single adoptive mama, this was not something I was prepared for.  I also provide an update on my parents as they start to rebuild their lives in their temporary housing after losing everything in the Palisades fire of January 7, 2025.  Included in this. episode:*update on my parents' living situation *my first visit to LA since the fire: set up a kitchen and made living room more homey*treasures found in the rubble of what used to be their home*what my parents took when they left their home that day (sadly no photo albums)*blog entry from 2/9/12: Me daddy?*why he started saying, "I don't have a daddy!"*blog entry from 8/11/13: Mama, why you pick me?*not having a daddy was harder on Lane than being adopted*blog entry from 4/3/13: My daddy's in jail!My audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!SHOWNOTES:The Palisades FireThe Primal Wound on WikipediaThe Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted ChildMore on the Primal WoundReckoning With the Primal WoundThe A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting StratTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Due to the recent and very sudden loss of my family's home of almost 40 years in the Pacific Palisades fire, instead of a confession, I will be reflecting on the memories that made their house a treasured home.   If you know others who have been impacted by the fires, feel free to share this episode with them.  Their grief and sorrow must be as raw and incomprehensible and my family's. Included in this episode:*the day of the fire: my brother's efforts to save the house*the shock of finding out our home had been destroyed* my memories from 16 years old to present*we still have the memories in our hearts, even without the physical structure*how special the 4th of July was in Pacific Palisades*my family in temporary housingFeeling helpless and wanting to help victims of fires in Los Angeles?  Click here for ideas and resources.  The Palisades FireTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I wanted to adopt a child who looked like he or she could have been my biological child.  In this episode, I also share my preferences for a child when going through the matching process, my blog from the day I brought him home, our Gotcha Day traditions, and an update on my relationship with his first mom.  Included in this episosde:*Lane's sense of humor: ADHD joke*asked for specifics when going through the process to being matched with a child (typically developing, either sex, one year old or younger, of mixed race so it would not be obvious to the world s/he was adopted)*matched with a blond haired, blue eyed baby*we read books and talked openly about his adoption from the time he was little*Gotcha Day celebrations*blog entry written on 11/19/10: He has made your dreams come true simply because he is your son*update on birth mom: taking it slowlyMy audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!SHOW NOTES:Transracial adoption challengesOff and Running Movie TrailerNicole Opper and Avery Klein-Cloud Off and RunningTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: Last week I made contact with Lane’s birth mother for the first time.  I had no idea what to expect, but after meeting with her, I am cautiously optimistic that when he meets her and builds a relationship with her, it will be helpful for Lane’s healing.  I also share why this seemed like the right time to locate her, his nervousness/ambivalence about it, her response when I knocked on her door, how Lane reacted to the news, and my hopes for his future with her. Included in this episode:*I always told Lane we could to to find his biological mother when he turned 18*he recently expressed interest in finding her, then seemed ambivalent *I knocked on her door and introduced myself*Lane's DNA test*disorganized attachment is like being allergic to love*communicating with birth mother via marco polo messaging app*she made him a loving message, but not showing it to him yet*I told Lane about the meeting and showed him photos My audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!SHOWNOTES:God Found Us You By Lisa Tawn BergrenI Wished for You: An Adoption Story By Marianne RichmondShazam movie trailerSong written and performed by my dear friend Jasmijn WhiteTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I became a mother for selfish reasons, not necessarily that I wanted to give a child a better life.  When Lane was little, people would often say, "He's so lucky to have you!" and my response was, "No, I'm the lucky one.  He made me a mama."  I also share all of the experiences that prepared me for motherhood, a blog entry from my baby shower 14 years ago, and a list of all the precious moments that I hope will flash through my mind when my life flashes before my eyes.  Included in this episode:*what prepared me for motherhood: babysitting, mentoring, Big Brothers Big Sisters, being a step-parent, *what led me to the foster-to-adopt journey to motherhood*blog about my baby shower written on 11/15/10: Now is right on time*I started with such optimism and gratitude<suffered trauma due to his explosive temper in middle school*an extensive list of beautiful memories shared togetherMy audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!Message me!  [email protected] Talk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession: I started telling my son, “It’s not your fault you have all these cards stacked against you.  However, it is your responsibility to figure it out and be a good person.”  I will detail the many layers of Lane's trauma that have hindered his ability to form secure attachments with others and have shaped who he is today.  I also share stories highlighting his sense of humor when he was little and a blog entry about his first visit to my home when we were transitioning him from his first foster family to mine.Included in this episode:*Lane's sense of humor<Nacho Libre*Hollywood's portrayal of adoption as s win-win and love conquers all*Lane's layer of trauma that have negatively impacted him*hair-trigger temper when he was little<out of control rage in middle school*Reactive Attachment Disorder?*disorganized attachment*"throwing shade" on compliments helps Lane accept positives*funny blog entry from 11/4/10 Important lessonsMy audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!SHOW NOTES:Understanding Epigenetics articleAdoption Trauma- Part 1: What is adoption trauma? ArticleAttachment Styles articleAttachment Theory on Brittanica.comA few podcasts where you can find episodes on attachment theories and styles:Therapist Uncensored The Inner Child PodcastTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

Confession:  When Lane was in middle school and exhibiting extreme behaviors almost daily, I told friends, “The next person who says, 'there is a special place for you in heaven,’ I might punch ‘em in the throat.”  I will explain why platitudes like this one often filled me with rage and what friends and family members can say instead.   I share a few entries from the blog I wrote during the matching process with my son in October 2010.  Additionally, I give a summary of an important book that I wish I had paid more attention to when I first read it. Included in this episode:*why I hated platitudes *my first blog entry written on 10/24/10 about the process of getting approved to foster*my second blog entry written on 10/27/10 describing the baby with whom I was matched*"let go of the rock"*an adopted friend shared the book The Primal Wound*short documentary Reckoning of the Primal Wound*moving to a new neighborhood after 7th grade didn't help*brutal daily grind and his increasingly more out of control behaviors led to another mental health crisis<anxietyMy audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!SHOW NOTES:Have questions or want to suggest content you'd like to hear more about?  Contact me at: [email protected] Primal Wound on WikipediaThe Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted ChildMore on the Primal WoundReckoning With the Primal WoundTalk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...

In this first episode, I share an overview of my parenting journey as an adoptive mother thus far.  Additionally, I go into detail about my first confession:  I used to say that I should write a book about my parenting journey.  I joked that the title would be, “Raising You Is Killing Me”.  It was funny.  Until I truly started to imagine taking my leave of this world.  **It is crucial to note that I did NOT say this to my son, but to my close circle of trusted friends.Included in this episode: * brief overview of foster>adopt journey*initial concerning behaviors*brief overview of the middle school years*lists of books on my nightstand*my mental health crisis*why I chose the podcast titleMy audacious intent for this podcast is to be a beacon of hope for parents and guardians like me, who are raising wounded children and doing their best to stay afloat.  I have found my way from surviving to thriving and you can, too!Talk to me! Click here to provide feedbackThanks for listening, Beloveds.  Please take care of yourselves; if you don’t do it, who will?   Keep advocating for your child.  And, most importantly, stay tenacious!PODCAST RECOMMENDATION:The TBRI PodcastQUICK VIDEOS TO WATCH:Karyn Purvis Institute of Child DevelopmentBOOK RECOMMENDATION:The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting Strategies and Solutions by Sarah NaishResources on suicide prevention:Contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline if you are experiencing mental health-related distress or are worried about a loved one who may need crisis support.- Call or text 988- Chat at 988lifeline.org Connect with a trained crisis counselor...