Robert C Slayton - Grief to Joy and Inspiration

.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Written 4/30/2026I’m a little over a week into my eight week recovery from bunion surgery and a hammer toe repair (complete with a pin sticking out of the tip of my second toe). I have been avoiding it for 5 years, but when my bones started grinding every time I walked, it was time to bite the bullet.The doctor says it could take 3 to 5 months, but I’m giving it 2 months. At the 2 month mark I hope to be dancing West Coast Swing (very smooth dance) and riding my motorcycle. I also am excited about getting back to running which I imagine may take closer to 3 months to accomplish.The foot is bound and I can only put weight on my heel. They will rebandage the foot at the 2 week mark and that will be the first time I truly see what they did.I’ve always been “the man in the arena” fully participating in life. This surgery has taken me out of this for a short period of time. Furthermore, I had to rely on someone else (GF) to help me through this initial phase. I couldn’t have done the first day myself without risk. I’m very thankful I had such a wonderful, loving person looking after me.I don’t like to rely totally on another. It’s not my modus operandi. I’m a guy, guy’s are supposed to be self reliant. Our worth is measured by what we provide, not who we are (which really sucks, but I don’t make the rules). It’s taught me to allow people to help me and that it’s okay to rely on other people. A shout out to my ex who is keeping my dog an extra week while I heal through this (we share her every other week).I had a really humbling experience shopping at Walmart yesterday. I needed groceries and thought I’d try walking around. I got 50 steps into the store and realized it wasn’t going to happen, so had to grab a motorized cart. I felt embarrassed by my need for the cart.I swallowed my pride and rode around. There was no way around it and after a little while I forgot about how I looked and just shopped with my GF putting things into the cart.As we age, we end up needing more and more help. This is okay as it gives others the opportunity to feel good by serving you. If taken the right way, it keeps you humble and kind.That said, please pray for my swift recovery.Thanks,Robert This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Written 4/3/2026.Let’s get something straight.Ethics training for insurance agents didn’t happen because the industry suddenly cared more about doing the right thing.It happened because the system kept producing the wrong results.What actually went wrongFor years, regulators saw the same patterns:* Agents overstating what policies covered* Replacing policies just to generate new commissions* Products so complex that the average person couldn’t realistically understand themSo the response became… ethics training.But that assumes the problem was a lack of understanding.It wasn’t.The real problemThe system pays for behavior.And people follow the money.If you pay someone more to sell something new than to maintain what’s already in place, what do you expect to happen?The system wasn’t broken.It was working exactly as designed.Then we made it worseInsurance products didn’t get simpler—they got more complicated.Variable life.Annuities with caps, triggers, and riders.At some point, this stopped being about “explaining things better.”The complexity itself created space for manipulation.Why ethics training existsAfter lawsuits, media attention, and regulatory pressure, something had to be done.So ethics training became mandatory.Not to make agents ethical.To create accountability.It does three things:* Defines a minimum standard of behavior* Gives regulators something to enforce* Protects carriers and states legallyIf something goes wrong, the answer is simple:“You were trained. You knew better.”What it actually accomplishesLet’s be honest.Ethics training does not eliminate bad behavior.It filters out the most obvious violations.That’s it.Because the underlying system hasn’t changed:* Commissions still drive decisions* Products are more complex than ever* Consumers are still at a disadvantageSo what would actually fix it?You have to change the incentives.Not the training.If doing the right thing is harder, slower, or less profitable… most people won’t do it consistently.A real-world exampleWhen I help someone with individual health insurance outside of open enrollment, I might get paid $20 per month.Many of these policies only last a few months.That means I might earn $60 total.For one to two hours of work.That doesn’t work economically.And when the math doesn’t work, behavior changes.The Medicare problem (and unintended consequences)Agents generally can’t charge fees for Medicare advice.Sounds consumer-friendly.Until you look closer.If someone needs help choosing a Part D drug plan, the compensation is often minimal—sometimes nothing.So what happens?Most agents don’t offer that service.Not because they don’t care.Because they can’t afford to.And now seniors are left making complex decisions on their own—often choosing the wrong plan.In trying to protect consumers from fees, the system actually reduced access to good advice.What needs to changeIf agents could charge transparent fees:The question shifts from👉 “What pays me?”to👉 “What’s best for this person?”That’s a meaningful change.But here’s the catchConsumers have to value expertise.You can’t demand unbiased advice while insisting it should be free.Because it’s not free.You’re just paying for it in ways you don’t see—and often in ways that don’t align with your best interest.Bottom lineEthics training isn’t the solution.It’s a patch.Until incentives change, the outcomes won’t. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Written 2/21/2026Day two dawned with less on our plate. He had the obligatory stop at Waffle House for breakfast. Why? Because who doesn’t want to hang out with a bunch of questionable people and have the waitress call us “darlin.” We struck up a conversation with a truck driver about Rock City. We planned on stopping there before ending up in Chattanooga. He gave us tips and advice and then we were off.We started driving towards Rock City Tennessee when GF thought to herself whether she should check to see whether the main attraction was open.It wasn’t.So we rerouted directly to Chattanooga. We didn’t have a hotel booked and on our journey, we dropped by a rest area where GF’s family used to stop on their way to Florida. It was her dad’s favorite place, surrounded by a lake. During that discussion, she mentioned that her dad always talked about the choo choo hotel in Chattanooga. It was a place where if you book far enough in advance, you could stay in an actual train car for the night. As an aside, her dad wasn’t doing well health-wise. He was 80 and a lifelong smoker who had contracted pneumonia along with a couple other conditions.He had never stayed at the hotel, so we decided to book a room there. We weren’t able to get a train car, but the hotel is classically beautiful inside and the room gave off the feel of an old time train car.As we were celebrating our anniversary, they gave us a bottle of wine.We settled in and relaxed before going out. There was a place that had line dancing which we were going to check out after dinner.Dinner was at Elsie’s Daughter, the restaurant on the campus. It was a lovely place that had heaters to keep it warm (as it was still colder here than in Chicago).I sat down and promptly broke the bench. In all fairness, it was just a metal bench that one sets out in the garden and the nut holding the bolt that secured the back was missing. We laughed and I replaced the bench with a chair so we could sit next to one another.Dinner was delicious. We ordered and shared everything. She had an espresso martini while I had a diet soda (yes, I’m such an exciting guy).From there we got ready to dance at Westbound Honky Tonk bar. They had line dancing lessons from 6 pm to 8 pm and we danced then and until the college crowd came and took over the bar. The instructors were really nice and helpful and the drinks were relatively cheap.We wandered down the strip and stopped in at STIR. A more metropolitan feel where we sat at the bar and had a drink. The bartenders and other people were really nice to chat with.After a nice stroll, we went back to our hotel and crashed for the night. In the morning, we ate at the Frothy Monkey. With a name like that, how could you NOT eat there. It was in the old train station with a soaring ceiling and exposed architecture. Very pretty. They had a multicolored flag to welcome people of all orientations. The food was delicious and servers were great.Then it was off to Savannah.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Written 2/23/2026.This is how I’d create the most awesome bookstore ever!First, you have no advertisement, no street-side signs indicating there is a book store. Like a secret speakeasy, someone had to tell you where it is. As you step up to the non-descript door, you have to give the secret knock. Only then can you step inside the foyer and find the next clue on how to open the door to the book store (maybe a statue where you have to pull the arm down or an idol which you have to remove and replace with another idol). This part changes monthly based upon the book of the month. Once inside, it opens up to a maze of aisles filled with old and new books. There is a colored stripe on the floor that guides people to the checkout desk and separate door people exit from. Nobody who comes in the front door leaves from the front door. There is a sign with clues as to where to go to find the genre of books you are looking for. The clues are based upon the genre. For kids books, the clues are easy and obvious so that young children can figure out and find their way as simple as color coding and having colors along the aisles to guide them to that section.If a person is looking for mysteries, then they need to solve a simple mystery to figure out where that section is.Romance, maybe write a love note on an iPad that will then give you directions.Fantasy may be pointing a wand at a target.You get the idea.Next is as you get closer to the section, the books/corridor change to reflect the genre of books you are coming up to. You could stack books to resemble an arrow. Then when you arrive at the section, if it’s romance, you’ll have romance adornments (hearts, male mannequin with flowing hair and amazing chest embracing a beautiful woman). Think silk, could be leather ropes and handcuffs, make it fun and almost tasteful.Fantasy may have armor, wands, cloaks, maybe a tree nymph. Little houses/scenes.Mysteries may have guns/daggers, cloaks, fingerprints left over some cases that have been “shattered” and there is a crime scene.Rotate images as often as you can, preferably monthly to keep people guessing.Why does this work?Readers love to see their interior worlds of their mind come to life in the real world. We get a dopamine hit when we feel we are special and find new things to discover.A book store nobody can find except you.A maze of books allowing you to wander and discover new reads.Thanks for reading Robert’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Readers don’t like being spoon fed, so give them little challenges along the way that they need to figure out to find what they are looking for.If you want to double down, you have the exit lead into a cozy coffee shop lined with used books where people can grab a drink and pastry and sit down and either read the books they bought or pull one off the shelf and read it.Note that the exit from the book store has to lead into the hallway of the coffee shop so that it’s not obvious where people are coming from (maybe the exit leads to the corridor where the restrooms are located). This exit is one way, nobody can get into the book store from that direction. They may only leave.I’d probably own both the book store and coffee shop as they go well together. If you skip the stealth getting into and out of the shop, you can have a regular shop/coffee shop all in one space.Let me know how you’d design your perfect book store. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Written 2/9/2026It’s been awhile since I’ve written. Frankly, I’ve been on the road and distracted by several major projects happening simultaneously. If all go through as expected, it will dramatically change my personal and professional landscape.Let’s get into this.Every year I attend the YOU Powered Symposium. The premier conference in my industry. Emma Fox is creator and organizer. An amazing, powerful, thought leader in our industry. She created this conference to disrupt other conferences in the field of benefits. She’s a friend, colleague, and plays to the top of her game and our field.It was being held in Savanna Georgia at the beautiful Westin Savannah Harbor Golf Resort and Spa starting Sunday February 1st in the evening. I decided to see if my girlfriend (yes, my future forever person) wanted to come along for the ride. We’d make a weekend of it.When I first mentioned this (about a month into our relationship), she thought I was crazy. Then after dating another month, she decided to say yes. We set it up to leave Friday morning early and make our first stop of the night Louisville.We decided to book a distillery tour and Woodford Reserve had spaces open, so it was set for 1:30 pm Friday. It asked whether we were celebrating anything and of course I checked the “yes” box. Then it asked what we were celebrating…As we weren’t really celebrating anything I asked for suggestions. GF suggested our anniversary. It was kind of true as our 4 month anniversary would be on February 5th, so I said “anniversary.”We left before 5:30 am on a dark and cold morning and had good roads except for a 45 minute backup due to a fatal car crash. Due to the backup, we weren’t able to grab lunch beforehand, but we did make the tour. When the lady checking us in noticed we had a celebration listed, she asked what we were celebrating (I was required to put it into the notes). I replied “anniversary!” and then she handed me a card. The card was signed by all of the workers there who managed the tours and included a card for free engraving on any bottle we purchased.Cool.The tour was great and we got to taste both whiskeys and bourbons. We chose a whiskey and had our names and 2026 engraved on the bottle. A really nice souvenir.We were hungry, so stopped by The Stave. A local restaurant. Due to the whether that had occurred the prior weekend, this was the first day they were open that week. To tell the truth, the road to the distillery off the main road was a little dicey. Luckily I had a big AWD Pilot which I was very thankful for.I got a fried bologna sandwich since the last time I had one was when I was a kid (and used to fry up the bologna myself). I kid you not, the slice was over an inch thick. Holy Mother of God. Really?Due to timing, we couldn’t make Buffalo Trace Distillery, so headed into Louisville. GF and I dance, so we found that there was a line dance/country swing dance at the Hotel Louisville. I looked at the pictures online and then called about booking a hotel as it looked like the rate was cheaper by booking directly.I asked to book a room for the next night and the lady refused, saying that I can just come in and get the room. No reservation needed as they have never not had a room available. We show up and it looks like a homeless shelter. Old bedding strewn about and a security guard at the door asking what my business was. I inquired about a room and then left.“I have good news and bad news.”Okay, she replied.“They don’t have any rooms. That’s both the bad news and good news.”So we sat in the parking lot and booked a Holiday Inn Express 4/10s of a mile away and drove over.The general manager checked us in and here was the conversation.“Your parking space is around the back, I gave you the handicapped spot.”“But I’m not handicapped.”“It’s okay. It’s closest to the door to get into the hotel out back.”“It’s perfectly safe and secure. We have a security guard who patrols the parking lot every hour at night. That said, please take ALL of your belongings out of your vehicle.”My thought: perfectly safe and secure, take all of my belongings into the hotel. WTF.I mentioned we were celebrating our anniversary and he upgraded us to their top floor room with two walls of windows. It was a great space, even it their top floor was just the 4th floor. I asked about the breakfast in the morning and he replied that they hadn’t gotten their shipment of food in for the day, so wasn’t sure what they’d have other than they’d have something.Sigh…We drove around back to park in front of a homeless guy smoking a used cigarette in front of the door to the hotel. He tried to waive us off parking in the handicapped space until I put the paper showing that this was my spot in on the dashboard. He left shortly thereafter and we unloaded EVERYTHING and went up to our room. It had been a long day and we still wanted to attend the dance that night, so we took a brief nap. Then I went downstairs to the restaurant to grab something to eat for us.I walked through the door to an empty restaurant and no one behind the counter. I rang the bell and a person came. I asked about food and he said, “I can make you chicken. That’s all I have. We have no lettuce, burgers, or anything else.”So upstairs I went figuring we’d grab fast food (worst case) as there was a McDonald’s close by.The dance was at the Hotel Louisville (the same place we didn’t stay). We parked and walked in. Years ago, this was a grand hotel with beautiful woodwork and layout. Today it was a tired reflection of the grandness of what it used to be. We said high to the first security guard and got directions.Then the second security guard walked us to the room.It was a nice space with a large wooden dancefloor… and six other people.It turned out that the dance had been cancelled due to weather (it was colder in Louisville than in Chicago), but 6 people went rogue and decided to dance. Everyone was very nice and Jim took us under his wing to tell us all the great things about dancing in Louisville. The dance usually hosted between 60 and 90 people. I’m just glad there were people dancing. We got to line dance, swing dance, and two step, practicing our skills all along the way. They called it at 9 pm, so we started heading back to our hotel.GF wanted milk for her coffee, so we dropped by McDonalds as they were close and open and we knew they had milk. I pulled up to the drive through and here’s the conversation.“I’d like milk.”“What?”“Milk, a carton of milk.”“Wait, what did you want?”“Milk, the milk that comes with a kid’s meal.”“Oh, chocolate milk.”“No, white milk please.”“Okay, that will be $2.”I pull around and hand the cashier a $5 bill. Then wait. We see the cash drawer open (it’s 5 feet off the floor, the cashier has to stand on her tippy toes to see into the drawer). After a couple of minutes, she said that they didn’t have enough change, so gave us back a dollar bill, dollar coin, and 85 cents with apologies.That was funny…We made it back to the hotel and went to the bar where Adrian was serving. What a hilarious guy. Very opinionated about what was going on at the hotel. Adrian was going to Chicago to work as a bartender there. He was going to stay with a friend until he got a job.We chatted with him and others at the bar and finally headed upstairs.That was the end of our first day on the road.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.This is a story about firsts, fear, and what happens when there’s no way around the storm.I tried to out-plan it.I rerouted. Delayed. Adjusted.I did everything I could to avoid the thing I was afraid of.And then… there was no avoiding it.This is a story about what happens when your backup plans run out —and why sometimes the only way forwardis straight through.#TheMoth #StorySlam #Firsts #FacingFear #PersonalStory #LiveStorytelling #DoTheThing #GrowthThroughDiscomfort #TrueStory #Storytelling #Thepeopletree This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Written 1/6/2026.Over the summer, I traveled around Lake Michigan on my motorcycle. In doing so, there were many firsts. I’m going to be talking about these a week from Thursday at thepeopletree.org. They host a monthly storytelling gathering at Empire in Naperville. ThePeopleTree is Naperville’s version of The Moth StorySlam (see themoth.org). People tell true stories about their lives.January’s theme is “firsts.” This can be interpreted any way the storyteller desires. For me, it will be about my ride around the lake.I told a story a couple years ago, so I’m back at it again.I wrote the story, read it out loud and it is 15 minutes long. Note that the story needs to be between 6 and 8 minutes long, so there will be major slashing of the story. I will focus on one recurring theme and cut out everything that doesn’t correspond to it.If you’d like to come, simply visit the website and grab a ticket (they are $20). You can come have dinner and the show starts at 7 pm.Here’s a teaser of the story:This is a story about firsts, fear, and what happens when there’s no way around the storm.I tried to out-plan it.I rerouted. Delayed. Adjusted.I did everything I could to avoid the thing I was afraid of.And then… there was no avoiding it.This is a story about what happens when your backup plans run out —and why sometimes the only way forwardis straight through.🎤 Sharing this live January 15th.🌧️ Firsts have a way of finding us.#TheMoth #StorySlam #Firsts #FacingFear #PersonalStory #LiveStorytelling #DoTheThing #GrowthThroughDiscomfort #TrueStory #Storytelling #thePeopleTreeFor reference, if you want a full overview of my trip, my first post is linked below. It’s a travel log vs what I’ll be talking about on the 15th.Robert This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Written 12/30/2025I have been absent from regular posts for the past two months. I’m in the insurance business focused on health insurance for companies, individuals, and Medicare people. Seventy percent of business is renewed/started between October and December which leads to zero time to do what I love, which is to write.You will see more regular posts come the new year. I’ll also talk more about the books that I am writing.So, here’s the update. I’ve started becoming a regular at the H.I.I.T. class on Thursdays. I find it’s a great supplement to my regular workouts and hits muscle groups that I don’t normally work. I did find a yoga class Saturday morning which I went to. I like Yoga because it helps prevent injuries in my normal workout routine. My regular yoga class hasn’t met in several weeks.Finally, my girlfriend and I will be celebrating New Years together at a line dancing bar in Sycamore. It’s her regular place and she invited me along several weeks ago and I’ve been attending regularly. Her friends and everyone else have been really nice. As I’m a noob at line dancing, I’ll see someone notice me and start helping me by pointing which direction I need to go and sometimes even calling out the next step.The other thing I like about the bar is that they also do couples dances. Stationary Bachata, country swing, shadow, two step, double two and more. It’s a lot of fun.The top bright spot for 2025 is meeting a person whom I deeply connect with. We are early into our relationship (under 3 months), so nothing is set in stone. We love being together and start to miss each other as soon as we say goodbye.2026 should bring some major changes in my life (not just in the dating scene). Tomorrow, I plan on setting up my 2026 goals and plans of action. It’s gonna be a trip.What’s the number one bright spot you had in 2025?Thanks for reading Robert’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Written 12/12/2025.Every Thursday I go to yoga at 7:45 pm. It’s the only time that works for my schedule. Yoga helps stretch me and keeps me from injuring myself during my regular workouts. So, I was surprised when I showed up for yoga only to find out that it had been replaced with a high intensity training class.To be fair, I never check the LA Fitness app on my phone to see whether my class was still on or changed. The only time I open up the app is when I use it to get into the gym. Even then, I hit exit on all of the changes that show up. So, this was kind of my fault.John, the instructor, had taught the prior class and was asked to teach his class in the yoga slot. As I was already there and had missed my usual Wednesday workout, I decided to join him in my crocs.He used an 80s remix of music all at a driving beat of 140 bpm. Imagine your favorite 80s songs all at a very fast pace. That’s what we had. John synchronized our movements to the music and worked clusters of muscles to make sure we didn’t work the same muscle twice in a row. He’s a master of this, teaching between 14 to 21 classes a week and personally consuming 5000 calories a day to keep up with his workouts. His normal classes average 60 people.Tonight, there was only one other person in the class, so we basically had the place to ourselves. John asked us to get light, medium, and heavy weights plus a band that would eventually go around our knees.The good news was that I didn’t need to do another workout this week as he hit every part of the body and did it long enough for me to bring my muscles to failure. When I look back at what happened, it really is a metaphor for life. You come with an expectation and when reality hits you in the face, you are left with a choice. Either go home or roll with the change. I’m the kind of guy that likes to roll with the change. It makes life much more interesting. Last year it landed me accidentally being entered into an ugly sweater contest.The worst case is that I get a fun story out of it. Usually, I learn how to deal with uncertainty and being uncomfortable. This helps me in the rest of my life.I’d love to hear from you about how you decided to go along with some change and how it turned out.Let me know.As always, I love you,RobertRobert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Written 12/6/2025.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.I’ve basically been between the bed and toilet this past week. I thought it was the stomach flu that never got better. It was frustrating and came at the worst time of the year. I looked up what to do, tried to eat the BRAT diet, etc.There was only one small problem. It wasn’t the flu. My nutritionist had put me on several supplements to enhance my already good health. The first couple days it was fine, then my stomach started to feel wonky.Of course, I continued to supplement through my “cold” and finally had a revelation yesterday. It was the supplements that were causing me to be violently ill (yes, as in vomiting, sitting on the toilet, etc). I lost over 12 pounds, mostly in water weight.Last night I was so dehydrated, that my legs continually cramped up. The problem was that I couldn’t hold anything down yet, so had to wait until early morning to start drinking water again.I feel like such an idiot that I didn’t figure this out sooner. This, during my busiest time of the year (yes, I have an appointment on a Sunday due to deadlines). The kicker is that my body was telling me the supplements were bad. That gut feeling when I went to take them, but I was unconscious to this feeling.Well, no more. I actually muscle tested everything I did today to ask my body whether it was okay or not. My method is I stand up straight, then say something truthful, like “my name is Robert Slayton.” Whichever way I lean is yes. The opposite way is no. First question this morning was, “can I start drinking water?”Yes.“Can I drink red Gatorade?”No.“Can I eat anything?”No.Later I asked about eating apple sauce. The answer was yes.I asked about chicken soup I had made earlier. Yes.In the future, I’m going to work on listening to my body and if I am not sure about something or a food, I will ask.Try it yourself and let me know how it works for you.As always, blessings during this holiday season.RobertRobert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Be humble, for the worst thing in the world is of the same stuff as you. Be confident, for the stars are of the same stuff as you.”-Nikolai VelimirovicThe way I kind of think about it is that there are evil people and there are good people.They’re arrogant people. They’re humble people. We’re all made of the same stuff.The question is, how do you transform the same stuff into being that humble, amazing person you are?Let me know.I really want to hear from you.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.”-Doris Mortman.This is from the book Even Eagle’s Need a Push by David McNally.Think about it. Peace with who you are.Have you made peace with who you are?Do you value what you have?Let me know.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.”-D. Elton TruebloodAs I get older and older, my reputation is more important than my financial state because that’s passed down to my children.What are the seeds that you plant today that you know you probably never see the fruition of, but is really important?It could be playing with your grandkids or kids, could be something else.What do you do to plant those seeds in the future?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Written 11/19/2025.Holy crap on a cracker. A lot has been going on which I haven’t been telling you about. Part of the reason is that it is my busiest time of year for what I do for a living. I handle almost 200 employer groups and hundreds of individuals on Medicare and Individual health insurance.First, I may have found my forever person. I’m so very excited about this. We talk for hours, laugh frequently and often and even when we’ve been together for multiple days, it doesn’t seem like enough time. This has been recent, but sometimes when you find the right person, things just fall into place quickly. I won’t say any more, but I’m very happy.Second, I’m co-authoring a book which we’ve targeted to release the first week of December. It started with a conversation with my close friend Melissa, which was recorded, and she turned it into a book. It will crack open the myth that everyone is happy during the holidays. Personally, the holidays are incredibly stressful. It has been lonely in the past and can be a total s**t-show when family is involved. If you can relate, then this book is for you.This book explains the conspiracy of being happy and carefree during the holidays and gives practical advice and stories on how to go from stress to happiness.The coolest part? WE ARE GIVING THE BOOK AWAY!!! “Perma-free” for the electronic edition. It’s our gift to you and the world.Please pray that we get this done in a timely fashion and it is well received. Other changes are also in the works, but those can’t be disclosed yet as nothing set in stone.Let me know what’s one thing that you do to manage holiday stress. You never know, it may end up in the book.Blessings to you all.RobertRobert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Final R of November, the final piece.It’s Relax and let go.There are some things we can’t change, right?The presidential election happened (this post is from 2024).You can’t change it.So instead of holding on to it, holding on to that resentment if your candidate wasn’t chosen, relax, and let go.It’s going to help you in your mental health, allow you to live your life.There’s a lot of stuff that’s going to happen between now and the end of the year with Thanksgiving and Christmas.There will be a lot of stuff said in the news and social media.You just have to relax and let go.Fourth quarter is the busiest time of year for me, I can either be stressed and tensioned about it, or I can just relax into my work.The same goes for shopping and doing the present buying thing.In Summary, remember November as an anagram for men’s mental health month which is: Notice small things.Offer kindness,Value quiet time,Enjoy each day,Make time to rest,Breathe deeply,Embrace change, and Relax and let go.Take care, my friends.Thanks for reading Robert’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Okay, we’re up to E. Almost finished with November to embrace change.This is a really challenging one for a lot of people because we’re so stressed thatchange is fearful, right?But if you realize that change happens all the time, and that you’re really good at embracing change even if you don’t think you are. Sometimes I rail about it. I might swear a lot but ultimately, I just accept it andmove on.It’s happened all the time in my business right when the affordable careact came and dramatically changed the landscape I had to dramatically change mycompany and everything that we did about it and so we all have a skill of managing change.So sometimes if you can just embrace the change of what’s happening, you’ll feel better about it.But you will also have clearer thinking about how to manage that change.Because you’re really good at managing change.You just don’t realize it.Think about all the times when a monkey wrench was thrown into your life and you’ve been able to get out of it.You’re good at change.If you embrace it, you reduce the stress, then you see how best to manage that change in your life.So good luck.God bless.I love you.Thanks for reading Robert’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.We’re on the B of November, which is Breathe deeply.If you ever look at my Substack where I post nightly (through 2024), honestly, like a nightly blog of the crap in my head spews out on the page, I’ve had three or four posts talking about breath.Breath is incredibly important.When you get stressed, you breathe shallowly, so how do you stop doing that?If you can change that and breathe a little bit more deeply, you will feel less stressed.You’ll have a clearer head. It clears out some of the stress chemicals too. I’m going to make a couple suggestions.Suggestion number one is you could do a four or five count breathing in.One, two, three, four, five.And then out, same amount.One, two, three, four, five. Then start the process over.If that is difficult, start with shorter inhalations/exhalations.If you want extreme stress relief, you breathe in for a count and then you double it on the out.If you breathe in for four, you breathe out for eight.This helps you to sleep too.You breathe in for four.One, two, three, four.Breathe out for eight.One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.Breathing is incredibly important.If you ever find yourself taking shallow breaths, you can do the deep breaths.You’re not going to believe me, but yawning is amazing it will clear your head before you go into a stressful meeting. Do a big manual yawn. It’s going to help, and it actually brings in oxygen and energizes you.If you feel you are breathing shallowly, yawn, do some of the breathing exercises and it’s going to help you through this month. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Okay, we’re on M of November, N-O-V-E-M, which is Make time to rest.You need to take time to actually get to sleep and have, your eight hours or however many you personally need to sleep and feel refreshed.You also need to make time to rest.I’m a big fan of naps, and maybe you are too.If at all possible, grab a 10- or 15-minute nap.It helps reset me so that I can think more clearly about the rest of my day.And if you’re at work, it’s kind of hard to do.Sometimes I used to drive to a forest preserve, put the back of my seat down and just lie there for about 10 or 15 minutes.Make time to rest, okay?Thanks for reading Robert’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.” - Mark Twain.Love Mark Twain. I’m currently listening to Huckleberry Finn.If you look at what he did when he was a child, Tom Sawyer and everything, those are based on his life. What are the adventures that you’ve had in your life that people will be sorry to see you go because you’ve done some amazing things?If you haven’t done those amazing things, I want you to take the next week and do something amazing.It’s so much fun.I mean, I had a bad September 2023 which led me to Iceland in April 2024.How the heck does that happen?Follow the adventure.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Thanks for reading Robert’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.You need to be thankful, in my opinion.You can be thankful that you have food to eat, that you have a roof over your head, that you have people you can talk to.You can be thankful that you have cats.You can be thankful you have dogs.But enjoy each day.For me, when it’s really stressful, I sit back and I ease myself into the day and I just work at it and enjoy the little moments as much as possible.By the end of the day, I feel better. I feel a bit more energized. And maybe I’ll go for a walk.Maybe I’ll go for a workout. That helps too.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.” - Gaius Planus. Born 61 to 112 AD.How many times have you gone after something and finally achieved it only to see that it’s just kind of normal.Let me know in the comments.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.There is the hustle and bustle of every day.Fourth quarter is my busiest time of year. I work late in the evening. That’s the way it is, but I need that quiet time.I have a room in my house with no clocks or TV.It does have a fireplace, which is amazing.I sit there and it’s quiet and I might read a book or do something like that.Find some quiet time, even if it’s going out into the woods and just being by yourself.It’s going to be rejuvenating.And taking walks is amazing for mental health.So please, if you’re ever super stressed, go for a walk, preferably in the woods or somewhere nice and natural.Thanks for reading Robert’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something. You’ve understood your whole life, but in a new way.”- Doris Lessing.How many times have you really understood something and then suddenly gotten a deeper insight?If you think about it, if you are religious and let’s say read the Bible or the Koran, there are a lot of times when you actually learn new things when you’ve read it again and again and again.Have you had that happen?Let me know.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.O of November is to Offer kindness.I had an experience of this on Friday.I went out dancing.I learned country two-step.And then there’s an open dance afterwards where they do a bunch of different styles.Some I know.Most I don’t.And there was this person there.And...You know, we danced and we laughed, and we tried the two-step and we tried other dance moves.And she was just so kind and I don’t want to say loving but loving towards me.And then I noticed that she was sitting with everybody.We have an older gentleman who is bent over and can barely dance.And she would dance with them.Then she asked what their name is and who they are.And her kindness just really came out.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“A man is hardly blind if his eyes have no sight. Blind is he who does not want to see. To such an ignorant troglodyte, life itself is a grave, if you ask me.”Vahaspzade Bhatiyar, who’s an Azerbaijan poet.And the poem is Two Blind Men.What are your thoughts on that?I kind of agree with him.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Originally aired November 2024Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Let’s talk about N of November, and that’s Notice small things.What that means is if you’re stressed, if you’re going out, notice the little things.Notice the sunlight hitting on me, right?Hitting the right side of my head, maybe left if it’s mirrored.And how great it is to have the sun.Could be a little thing, could be something in your house, could be that, you know what?The dishes are done, right?Or something’s folded, the laundry’s folded.Just little simple things.You notice the small things and enjoy the small things.The beauty in life.Maybe it’s just the wind sighing through the branches of the trees.Notice small things and it will help you get out of your head and more into the good stuff.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“If we did all the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves.” - Thomas A. EdisonI take issue with this. I think we try to do too much and we need to do less but higher quality things.Instead of focusing on 20 different things, we should focus on one or two or three, no more than three priorities, and really focus on accomplishing those.And if you have three things that you need to do, you finish one, then you move to the second, you finish the second, you move to the third.That’s my opinion.Do you agree with me?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Overview of the next set of videos.Each of the following videos will focus on a letter from November and it’s meaning.N - Notice small thingsO - Offer kindnessV - Value quiet timeE - Enjoy each dayM - Make time to restB - Breathe deeplyE - Embrace changeR - Relax and let go.From IG @jasonmensmentalhealth This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.”- D. Elton TruebloodAs I get older and older, my reputation is more important than my financial state. my reputation, because that’s passed down to my children.What are the seeds that you plant today that you know you probably never see the fruition of, but is really important? Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Be humble, for the worst thing in the world is of the same stuff as you; be confident, for the stars are of the same stuff as you.”A quote by Nikolai VelimirovicThis is an interesting one.The way I think about it is, there are evil people and there are good people.They’re arrogant people.They’re humble people.We’re all made of the same stuff.The question is, how do you transform the same stuff into being that humble, amazing person you are?Let me know.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“The way you spend your time is the result of the way you see your time and the way you see your priorities.”-Stephen Covey.Priorities are really important. That’s why Stephen Covey always said at the beginning of the week, you put in your calendar your agenda, the pieces that really get you to where you want to be spiritually, physically, financially, and business related.Those are your priorities.They’re sacred time blocks.What do you do to block out those sacred times to make sure that your priorities are being met?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“There is no man living who cannot do more than he or she thinks they can.”-Henry Ford.We usually overestimate what we can do in the short term and underestimate what wecan do in the long term.What have you done that are the small, consistent actions every day that have yielded amazing results?Let me know in the comments.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Not the cry, but the flight of the wild duck leads the flock to fly and follow.”It’s not just the words; it’s the actions that really help people to move forward.Do you agree or do you think the words are first and people start following second?What are your thoughts?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Be slow to judge and quick to understand.”-Stephen Covey.We don’t know what reality is when we talk to another person. We really don’t know their thoughts because we’re not inside their head.I 100% agree.How about you?What do you do to be slow at a judgment and quick to understand?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Written 10/28/2025.As we say in the dancing world, I was totally “swung over” from this past weekend. I attended the annual Swing City Chicago event at the Hyatt Regency Schaumburg. Dance events are unlike any other events I’ve been to as they actually SCHEDULE things to start at MIDNIGHT.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.As a guy in my 50s, this is not an easy thing for me to participate in. I like to be snug in my bed around 10 pm, thank you.Picture 900 people from around the world who LOVE to dance. A culture where you can ask anyone to dance and they will. An excitement that between competitions, they play 15 minutes of music and hundreds of people rush out onto the floor to dance.Pretty F-king amazing.The event also includes hours of instruction. What I love about this is that these instructors come from across the globe and teach things that local instructors don’t. Like the finer points about styling or the right-side pass (also known as the underarm pass).Thanks for reading Robert’s Substack! This post is public so feel free to share it.Here’s one example. When I first started, I was taught the three basic moves. The sugar push, the left-side pass, and the right-side pass. We are taught to use our bodies to initiate the move (we don’t pull our follower with our arm, but our body moves backwards). What I learned is that to do the best right-side pass, you do NOT pull backwards but just lift your arm up. This creates tension and forward momentum and positions the follower exactly where they should be on each count. How cool is that!By the way, I did participate in the Novice competition. Most newer and more experienced dancers fall into this category, so we had over 130 participants. I didn’t win. I was one of the lowest placed. I’m not upset at this as this is exactly my second competition at this event. I did it to test myself and get uncomfortableThen came the midnight dancing. I stayed Friday and Saturday night at the hotel so that I could dance into the morning and collapse into a bed versus driving home. I made it to 1:45 am the first night and just 1:15 am the second night. It was still a lot of fun.I did have friends up to my room for margaritas and a fireball chaser before dancing Friday night. We got to learn more about each other than the brief times we see each other at West Coast Wednesdays.If you have ever thought about dancing, look up West Coast Swing in your area. It’s usually cheaper than ballroom and the people are fun.I am so glad I found it for myself. This is my happy place.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.”-James DeanHow appropriate. I’ve been saying this a lot lately. It’s not the years of your life, but the life in your years. Eat healthy, exercise, live as fully as you can in the moment because you don’t know when your number is up.I firmly believe when your number’s up, it’s up and you’re gone.Whether you’re 20, 30, 50, 80, or 90.My objective is to live as fully as I can as healthy as I can.That’s what I’m looking for.How about you?What are your thoughts?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“While the right to talk may be the beginning of freedom, the necessity of listening is what makes the right important.” - Walter LippmannIf you just talk and you don’t listen, you don’t learn anything.You don’t expand your consciousness.You don’t really form a cohesive gel with somebody else.So, what do you do to make sure that you listen at least as much, if not twice as much, as you talk so that you reserve that freedom of speech?Let me know.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back. - Thomas Sowell.Politeness and consideration.Boy, wouldn’t that be a wonderful world if we actually got that?Think about it.Do we do that on social media? Do the trolls get you down?Let me know your thoughts.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

With clothes, the new are best.With friends, the old are best.Not sure where this came from, but I love the sentiment.Old friends are like that comfortable little piece where they know you,you know them, and they really love and support you.What are your thoughts?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; Perfection is God’s business. - Lorne A Adrain I know more people who have never published books, who’ve never written articles, who’ve never gone for the business of their dreams because they feel they need to be perfect at it.It’s the worst thing in the world.It doesn’t work.What are your thoughts on perfection versus excellence?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Excellence is doing the work,continuing to strive to be better versus perfection,which thinks you need to be everything.What are your thoughts? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“The moment of victory is much too short to live for that and nothing else.”-Martina Navratilova, a famous tennis player.We strive for this one piece that we achieve.Once we achieve it, if that’s all we were striving for, we feel empty and unfulfilled.It’s everything else that helps give us meaning and focus.Have you ever had that feeling where you’ve achieved the ultimate only to say, “well, is that it?”Or are you one of those people that revels in maybe the training and getting there and enjoys everything else surrounding the victory?Let me know your thoughts.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. If not, then make me a saxophone.”Politically incorrect daily calendar from 1998.As I play the saxophone, I played in the Michigan marching band, marched in the Rose Bowl and Fiesta Bowl.I absolutely agree with that quote.How about you?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.” - Lin YutangI just had a conversation with a friend about this. She’s taking care of her mom and she’s taking care of her brother.She has no time for herself. Because she’s always wrapped up in everything else.She finally took a day to herself and went invisible.Every single one of us needs to have time to do absolutely nothing of value or worth.It could be sitting and binge watching all three seasons of Ted Lasso.Or something similar.It could be just sitting there watching the sun rise and sun set.What do you love to do that doesn’t necessarily do anything other than make you feel great and at peace? Please, go do that thing.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Hating people is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat.”Henry Emerson FosdickDo you foster hatred for somebody else?Hatred burns you up inside and does nothing to them.Think about it.That’s why forgiveness is so important.Forgiveness is not for anybody else.It’s only for you.It doesn’t matter whether they even agree with you or think they should be forgiven for anything.You forgive so you don’t burn down your own house.What are your thoughts?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Written 10/19/2025.I promised myself that I would not write about my love life at this point in time other than to say it’s been going amazingly well. I’ve been journaling about it and may turn it into a book with the current working title, “Dating Over 50 - a Man’s Journey.” Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Here are some things I can mention that you may think amusing and for those men who are dating, may want to use yourself.Google Keep NotesI keep a google keep file on the person I date. This includes all the important stuff like their kids’ names, ages, likes, dislikes, sizes (if you can), birthdays, favorite drinks, foods, etc. Basically, anything that she talks about that may be relevant in the future. This has been really helpful as my memory isn’t as accessible as it was 20 years ago (I could pretty much remember everything, even if I read it only once in a book). Now, that info is still in my brain, but it takes a little while to percolate out. Dating Folder on my computerI keep a folder on my computer which includes things I’ve generated for a date. I have a curated list of music venues around Oak Brook, a “dating index cards with questions 2 pager” It lists some questions like “if you could hop on a plane tomorrow, where would you go?” It talks about dropping soft compliments such as “You’re really easy to talk to - I like this.” The card also mentions paying attention to how she mirrors my energy. Since this is an index card, I can keep it in my pocket and glance at it to make sure I’m on track.This may sound funny, but when you don’t know what the f*ck you’re doing, it really helps.I have another index card filled with topic specific compliments. Topics include appearance, personality focused, and playful teasing. Honestly, if I can’t give an honest compliment, I don’t. The good news is that with time and more dates, I’ve gotten better at dropping nice and flirty truthful compliments. ChatGPT I use a paid version of ChatGPT to plan dates, especially in areas I don’t know. For example, “places playing music Friday night in Barrington.” I take the results, actually research them as more than 50% are wrong, and create my curated list and choose one for the date.I have also used ChatGPT for first date, second date, and third date suggestions. Usually, I try to put in the personality of the person and ask for recommendations from what to do, how to interact, e.g. should I go in for a kiss goodnight, etc.Once, I took a whole text thread from a woman, downloaded it, stripped out any identifying information due to privacy concerns, and asked ChatGPT to tell me about the person, what’s important to her, and how I should interact with her. I already had my ideas, but it’s nice to both get confirmation and see whether there was anything I missed.Wing WomenI have three different women I bounce ideas off of who have been life savers, preventing me from screwing up. They also interpret the signs I totally miss from my dates when I tell them about what happened and the interactions.For example, I’ve seen the memes where a couple go into a thrift store and buy each other clothes that they have to wear for a date night. Next, I was part of a scavenger hunt where the losers had to wear funny T-Shirts from the store 5-Below. Combining the two together, I got it on the brain that wouldn’t it be fun to buy 4 funny T-shirts from 5-Below and allow my date to pick one, open it up and then decide whether she was going to wear it, or give it to me to wear. If she gave it to me, then the next shirt she picked she’d have to wear for our date.I thought this was a really cool and fun date night idea. Then I passed it by WW (Wing Woman) Susan, who replied, “oooh, no. Don’t do that.” She proceeded to tell me that women take time and effort to pick out the clothes they wear for dates, and this would basically be a slap in the face.I didn’t do it, but I did float the idea past one of my dates (because I still thought it a cool idea). Let’s just say that WW Susan was absolutely correct. SummarySo that’s what I’ve used to try to learn about this weird, wonderful, roller-coaster world of dating. If you have any suggestions THAT YOU HAVE USED that have been successful, please send them my way. I’ll may try them and put them in my book.As always, I love each and every one of you.RobertRobert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Do not confine your children to your own learning, for they were born in another time.”This is a Hebrew proverb.How many times have you said, this is the way it is, because that’s the way I was raised.And did your parents do that to you and their parents to them?And are circumstances this life different?My guess is yes.And so, all learning must be tempered with the realities of today.Should we be strict?Or should we be a little bit more flexible?What are your thoughts?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of others.”- Madonna (singer)We need to follow our own passions and if people say, “that’s wrong,” well, maybe it’s not.What are your thoughts?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.”This was seen at Bentley’s House of Coffee and Tea in Tucson, Arizona back in 1998.I saved the quote because it’s a good quote.What are your thoughts?Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

“If you try to be a better dog, sometimes you get an extra cookie.”Attributed to Snoopy, even though I’ve never heard Snoopy talk.But I like the sentiment.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe

Written 10/14/2025.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.I got the call at 10:30 am Friday morning. I had dropped Hyundai Elantra off the night before and they gave me a loaner car for the day. $2,100 to fix all the brake problems and master cylinder. The car is worth $1,800 at best. If I got it fixed, something else would have broken.I told them to put it back together. I wasn’t fixing it. Time to get another car. I needed a car for Saturday.I knew that I wanted one of three brands, Honda, Toyota, or Subaru. All rated highly. Next, I didn’t want to spend much money right now, so I set the results at cars costing $10,000 or less.Subarus turned up, but very few other cars.I set the bar higher, $15,000 and got some good results. I also sorted based upon the best deals (vehicle offered below market rate) and found a Subaru that was interesting. I called on it. It was available, but someone was test driving it. I told the salesperson to let me know if it sold.Next, I put that make/model of Subaru into ChatGPT. It returned stats on typical issues with that particular make/model and repair score. The repair score was average, and I was looking for better (equaling lower repairs).I put in about 4 other cars, including a BMW SUV (bad repair score - repairs + cost to fix) and finally settled on a Honda Pilot. Mileage was over 100K, but Hondas will go for at least 200K miles. Everything else looked really good, including what chatgpt returned on repair scores and possible issues.I called the place where the car was being offered and talked to Jim. I asked whether he could go lower on the price it had been on the lot for 99 days. We had a brisk discussion. I also asked about financing, which he replied he had several options.I went to his website and put my information in to get financing options from the dealership.I then went online to look at other financing options. PNC bank supposedly had something. I called and had to go into a branch and scheduled an appointment for 2:30 pm at the local branch. I told the person on the phone before we booked the appointed specifically about the car, year, mileage, where it was being sold.I got to the branch and the person I was supposed to meet with wasn’t there. Another person helped me, which was good. The biggest issue was that they wouldn’t finance a car with more than 85,000 miles on it. So, because the PNC lady who set up the appointment didn’t know it meant that I had wasted over 2 hours of time.Jim called and told me I was approved to finance all of it (no money down) for 48 months and that since I did that, he’d hold the car for me to see it and start the paperwork.Off I went in the loaner car. I toyed with taking an Uber over but decided against it in case the car was a dud. It took about an hour to get to Crestwood on a Friday afternoon.I looked at the car. Seats and interior were pristine for being 8 years old. The exterior had some scratches, and the back cargo area had scratches, but that was to be expected. The car drove really well; everything worked and seems tight. I inspected the engine, underbody, tires, etc. All looked good.I went into Jim and he had already done the paperwork for me. He kicked the current family out of his office (they were still trying to decide) and I signed 8 pages and grabbed a key. He kept the other key because he had to move the car to a part of the lot I could access after they had closed.I also asked him to fill up the tank before I returned, which he agreed to do.Back to Naperville. My Hyundai was ready to be picked up. I paid via the phone and brought my extra set of keys because it was after 6 pm by the time I arrived. I had also made an appointment over at Hyundai to sell my car to them. I brought 2 big boxes to clear all the s**t I had accumulated and dropped off the loaner car and picked mine up. The brakes were very iffy (I had to push close to the floorboard before I’d stop), but I made it over to the dealership.The guy offered me $500, I countered with $1000. He said he had to talk with his manager, so went off to do so. I waited 2 minutes and walked into the manager’s office and exclaimed, “are you gonna give it to me (the $1000)?” The manager replied he could do $800, no more. I pushed but he wouldn’t budge, and I did NOT want to bring the car come, so I counted with $800 and a Lyft ride to Crestwood. He asked how much that’d be and I said $45. He said okay. So off I went to Crestwood to pick up my car with my 2 big boxes of crap.The good news is that while cleaning my car out, I found one set of keys that had been missing for about 8 years and another set of USPS keys that didn’t go to anything.I got my Honda in Crestwood and arrived home about 8:30 pm. I lost a day, but it was just one day, and I really love the car. It’s the first one for me with a backup camera. That is something I’m still getting used to. Oh, and it has a remote starter! How cool is that.Robert’s Substack is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rslayton.substack.com/subscribe