The Biggest Problem in the Universe

Domestic Violence 2320 Unappreciated Artists 1605 Crickets -380 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); If you haven’t purchased the most recent bonus episode for $1.33, none of this episode will make sense. Asterios Kokkinos is back! And this time he has a problem that will appeal to anyone who’s ever thought of something and then expected to make a million dollars from it. Of course I’m talking about Unappreciated Artists. Imagine a world where the guys who created Superman and Wolverine and Ghost Rider are all homeless and giving hand jobs for sandwich meat in Battery Park. If that got you excited, congratulations because that’s the world you’re living in. Personally, I think a five year old could have created the concept of Superman: a guy in a cape who can’t be killed. Big fucking deal. The success of the brand is due to xenophobia, nostalgia, and years of marketing, but what the fuck do I know. Vote up people who tell you about their dreams. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t to pay $50 more. True to form, I bring in a problem that happened to me on the way to record the podcast: Domestic Violence. If you don’t think domestic violence is a problem, you’re probably not one of the one-third of the population of Earth who is beating the hell out of the other one third. Domestic violence is the reason we have neck ties. It’s comforting to imagine we’re civilized, but the stats say otherwise. I’ve attached several of those stats to this post. If you yourself are a victim of domestic violence, please do whatever you’re statistically most likely to do. That’s all we can ask for. Maddox rounds out the episode with a much more personal problem, something that has plagued both man and comedian and the British since the beginning of time: crickets. Crickets are loud, and annoying, and full of protein. But that can be said for all the hosts of this show too. Vote up crickets and watch Maddox and Asterios hunt them down on Periscope! Update: -Maddox here: I caught the bastard last night! More to come… Caught the fucker! This cricket has been tormenting me for weeks. Should I eat it? Vote. #cricket #maddox A photo posted by Maddox (@realmaddox) on Feb 2, 2016 at 2:42am PST /Maddox We also discuss some super sweet 3D renderings of Maddox and myself brought to you by Jonathan Milling, and hear several opinions on Maddox’s brand of vigilante justice. Maddox https://youtu.be/QCwZe5Fhyfg Dick Masterson https://youtu.be/L2ojuf7V4gg Check out Asterios’ The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man Part II: www.devastatorpress.com/megaman2 And follow him on Twitter @asterios. Sources: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence – U.S. Domestic Violence Stats. HuffPo – More Sterile Numbers. Wikipedia – Super Ray, no one got a million dollars for thinking up him! Thumbnail Sources: Cap, cricket.

Episode 89 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Affluenza 1806 People Who Talk About Their Dreams -146 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); If you’re a fan of fuckface idiots, this week’s show is chock full of them due to the huge problem of “affluenza.” It’s the phenomenon of rich people blaming their affluence on their inability to tell right from wrong. It turns out that being too wealthy can cushion you from things like consequences for your actions, empathy, justice, jail time or any modicum of consideration. It’s a huge sense of entitlement to not just public resources, but other people’s actual lives. That sense of entitlement may be pervasive, as displayed by drivers of luxury vehicles who are the least likely to yield for pedestrians: Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to feel the Force and get $5 off your first purchase. What’s ironic is that for all the wealth people hoard, and all of the endless consumption, it hasn’t made anyone happier for it: https://www.stlouisfed.org/publications/regional-economist/january-2010/the-dismal-science-tackles-happiness-data The original definition of affluenza had more to do with excess consumption and the stress related to it, as seen in this dated documentary from 1997. It’s about an hour long so the bulk of the interesting parts come up top if you want to skim: Which leads us to the modern case of affluenza: Ethan Couch. He’s the spoiled shithead who stole a bunch of beer from Walmart with his friends, then killed 4 people while drunk driving and injured 9. Here are the victims left in his wake; the four in the middle are dead: Source: ABC 20/20, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyTdfkslIeY One of his victims, Sergio Molina, has been paralyzed and can only communicate by blinking: And here’s the idiot fuckface who did it, who after the car crash, he told people at the scene to remember his name because his parents would get them out of trouble: Source: ABC 20/20, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyTdfkslIeY The judge gave him 10 years probation and mandatory time in a cushy rehab facility with horses, massages and hot tubs. No jail time. The judge gave the horse-shit explanation that probation would keep Couch “under the state’s thumb.” Of course, Ethan Couch immediately skipped his probation hearing and fled to Mexico. But not before throwing one last rager in violation of his probation. Here’s the shithead partying with drunk friends after his verdict: ya boy ethan couch violating probation. i got more if u want @CityofBurleson @TarrantCountyDA pic.twitter.com/otiGprQ1uD — h (@BlondeSpectre) December 2, 2015 Also, we come to learn that Ethan was unsurprisingly homeschooled because his parents disagreed with a teacher who said he wasn’t allowed to drive at 13. Here are all the sordid details on ABC’s 20/20: As for Dick, he was predictably contrarian, even when it comes to defending a murderer. Dick mischaracterized the judge’s ruling as a rejection of the affluenza argument, but this exact same judge ruled for jail time on a very similar case where another teen, Eric Bradlee Miller, killed one person while drunk driving: Source: NY Daily News Dick’s moral compass was all over the place this episode, with his defense of stealing, dishonesty and … this teen? The judge? The ruling? I’m not sure. The disagreement was flying so fast that I think I could have said Dick was awesome and he’d find a way to disagree with me. That said, Dick’s problem of “people talking about their dreams” rounded out this episode nicely and ended things on a lighter note. Though how much of a problem is a minor annoyance you can walk away from, that at worst, is a slight inconvenience? To be fair, my problem went long this episode and Dick and I had other stuff to bring in. We’ll cover that in another episode. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Brilliant Thumbnail by: Clay Rodery, Illustrator – http://www.clayrodery.com Sources: Wired – The psychology of lotteries ABC – 20/20 episode: A Case of Affluenza HBO – Affluenza and the culture of dependency (Real Time with Bill Maher) Daily Beast – Ethan Couch’s joyride to Mexico NY Daily News – Texas teen gets 20 years for fatal drunk driving crash by same judge who sentenced Ethan Couch Star-Telegram – Judge who gave Ethan Couch probation gave another teen 20 years behind bars for fatal DWI crash Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis – Happiness and real income per capita in the US PBS – Affluenza The Motley Fool – Measuring the happiness index

Episode 88 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Not Enough Toilets 2188 Last Call 1218 Lottery Winners -913 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Just a reminder, for anyone interested in hiring DJ Tim Changz for their wedding, bar mitzvah or podcast, check him out on twitter @TimChangzzzzz. If he manages to keep that Twitter account updated for longer than a week, I will suck a dick. Asterios is back! And trying to impress a special lady friend while he’s at it with his Wayne Brady-slaying comedy, his seductive Star Wars themed puns, and his erotic extreme-shouting about nothing. But he fucks up by bringing in Last Call as a problem. If I was trying to impress a woman, I would have brought in a problem like Not Enough Celebrity Dancing Shows or Having Too Big A Penis, but to each their own. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to feel the Force and get $5 off your first purchase. Last call is a huge problem though, and not just for alcoholics; alcoholics who don’t admit they are; and alcoholics who admit they are on the podcast, but secretly don’t really think they are. According to Asterios, last call increases violence, drunk driving accidents, and alcohol consumption. According to Maddox, last call was created because of Hitler. And according to me, last call is the political issue of the century. I want a last call that’s so drunk, I can barely see it. Vote it up! Because I am a selfless humanitarian, I bring in Not Enough Toilets, a problem that sounds stupid but is actually a major source of disease and assault in the third world. It’s also the reason that all of Hollywood and especially my block stinks like urine 365 days a year. Don’t believe me? Come to LA and walk toward the smell of urine. When you pass out from ammonia poisoning and drown in a sea of piss, you’ve found my apartment. Like most bathroom-related problems, I bring in more stats than I can discuss on the show. If you’d like something to read while you’re relieving yourself in the dumpster outside of my apartment building, follow the links below. Maddox finishes the show with a high-stakes problem that you’ve probably never even considered: Lottery Winners. Tremble in fear at the dissection of their fiscal irresponsibility. Brace yourself for terrifying highs and dizzying lows of people who were once poor, get rich, and then become poor again! Your mind will bend in agony when you learn that lottery winners sometimes become addicted to drugs! And then blow their winnings on those drugs! And on scams! Scams that have much better odds than winning the lottery in the first place! I’m just kidding. Lottery winners are a huge problem. At some point in their life, everyone has won something in the lottery, even a token amount of $4, and I think we can all agree that everyone is a huge fucking problem. Apologies for the nasal sound of my voice. I was getting over a cold. Go vote up Presenteeism. Check out Asterios’ The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man Part II: www.devastatorpress.com/megaman2 And follow him on Twitter @asterios. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: UN.org – Toilet Day. LA Times – Urine Destroying Cities. Esure.com – Dick’s “1 in 7” stat is an ad by an insurance company that conflates accidents with “near misses.” Garbage Time – How winning the lottery makes you miserable. NY Daily News – Tragic stories of big jackpot winners. NY Times – You will not win the Powerball Jackpot NY Times – Dear Powerball Winner: Take Our Advice and Take the Annuity. Thumbnail Sources: Arm, toilet tank, bowl, tile.

Episode 87 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Backseat Drivers 1766 Disney 1432 Street Art Abolitionists 988 Losing the Remote 434 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Sean is absent in this episode, stranded with his sticky icky in the Lands of Ass. He had a return ticket, but they deleted it. To make sure fans get the highest fidelity audio, I asked my Lyft driver, self-described “DJ of his generation”, DJ Tim Changz to fill in. It was a huge mistake. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to feel the Force and get $5 off your first purchase. Speaking of people who ruin things, how about Street Art Abolitionists? Maddox’s first problem defines, “all over the place,” and attacks several fronts at once: people who cover up street art, people who censor murals in government buildings, people who don’t have a clear premise. I’m not sure what we’re voting for, but if a vote for Street Art Abolitionists is a vote for graffiti, I’m in. One thing this problem could have used is some help from my problem: Backseat Drivers. In honor of my mother’s birthday, I bring in her biggest problem in the universe: Backseat Drivers. We all know that backseat drivers are rude, self-important, know-it-alls with small dicks, but did you also know they cause one in seven accidents? That seems like an unbelievable amount, but I don’t care because it proves my point. Instead of armchair psychologizing about the causes of this aggressive and deranged behavior, I bring in the diagnoses of actual, real-world psychologists who conclude academically and unanimously that backseat drivers are “assholes”. by Sicher sicherpolizei Maddox brings in Disney as a problem, because they bastardize the preachy morality of Hans Christian Anderson fairytales into a different kind of preachy morality more palatable for modern, four-quadrant audiences. They also capitalize on public domain works while simultaneously trying to protect their own. This is something that Maddox calls “hypocrisy”. I don’t agree with his points on Disney’s feel-good, fairytale endings, but then again I watch Disney movies from the bad guy’s point of view. Here’s the video Maddox talked about: -Maddox Power Paragraph: Hope you enjoyed Dick’s passive-aggressive digs, here are some more! Maybe you guys will do a better job of following along than Dick with the anthropology thread in my street art problem; it probably helps when you’re actively listening and not constantly interrupting with tangents. The hypocrisy Dick missed is that Disney uses public domain properties while simultaneously trying to eliminate public domain properties. Hypocrisy, like Dick complaining about preachy morality while lecturing us about the ethics of sick people coming to work–who often do so because they live paycheck to paycheck and don’t get paid sick leave–while lionizing corporations that are at least equally responsible for creating these conditions. How would you solve that problem? More regulations? Doesn’t sound very Libertarian to me. Yikes, more hypocrisy! And speaking of dicks, here’s that graffiti I talked about: http://safetyofobjects.tumblr.com/image/38983541131 http://imgur.com/BxYEO And the city I talked about without ads is São Paulo. They found that after five years of the ad-ban, 70% of the residents found it beneficial, in spite of fears of revenue and job loss that didn’t happen (more photos and description of this experiment in comments below): http://www.flickr.com/photos/tonydemarco/sets/72157600075508212/ /Maddox I end the show with a problem that needs no explanation: Losing Your Remote. Special thanks to DJ Tim Changz, the world’s greatest DJ. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: Daily Mail – 1 in 7 accidents. Psychology Today – Backseat driver field guide. Wikipedia – Rita Repulsa and backseat drivers. Telegraph – Losing the remote. Distractify – How we spend our time. NY Times – Florida professor who cast doubt on mass shootings is fired Newdream.org – Five Years After Banning Outdoor Ads, Brazil’s Largest City Is More Vibrant Than Ever Flickr – São Paulo without ads (photos) WKYT – University of Kentucky to cover up controversial mural KTVB – Debate over whether to cover or uncover historic Idaho murals Book – Viewpoints: Visual Anthropologists at Work

Episode 86 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Presenteeism 1569 Sandy Hook Conspiracy Dipshits 1190 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); For those of you who spent Monday nursing the tail end of a 3-day-hangover, this month’s Bonus Episode has been released and it’s a doozy. Buy it now to hear the audio event of a lifetime: Maddox reading a 250-word apology written by me. I wonder if Red Delicious apples are an ingredient in HUMBLE PIE?? Now onto the free shit. Fans come bearing gifts in this episode; like the Three Wise Men of old, except instead of gold, frankincense, and mir, they come bearing cookies, DVDs, and a cock pump. If you’re wondering why we’re opening presents late, thank Maddox’s goddamn mail lady who should be replaced by a drone. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t to pay $50 more. Among the gifts are some boxing-glove shaped cookies, a Polaroid that fixed my soul, a badass comic book with a bunch of penises in it, and an ominous warning from one fan who says he will reveal his identity when the time is right. I think I’ll know when “the time is right” because it will immediately precede me getting skinned alive and turned into a Buffalo Bill suit. Just kidding, mystery fan who might be and probably is Benicio del Toro. Thank you for the sick DVDs and Maddox’s cock pump, Benicio del Toro! This week, Maddox brings in Sandy Hook Conspiracy Dipshits. I don’t know if calling them “dipshits” is fair. They’re just asking questions. Like didn’t the government secretly invent the murder of a dozen little children and hoax the media by hiring the most secretive and best actors in the universe to play grieving parents on television and then for months afterward, and also use the Men in Black mind-erasing neuralizers on all the teachers, staff and custodians and bus drivers in the most insanely complicated red flag operation ever just to take our guns–which they also haven’t done yet? Actually, now that I say it out loud, it does sound like something the government would do. But that’s just one man’s opinion. If you think they’re dipshits, by all means, vote them up. I bring in cold and flu deniers–those pieces of shit (read: all of us) who will never admit they’re sick. If Bruce Jenner can admit he wants to be a woman, you can admit you have a cold. You might not win Woman of the Year for it, but we will all appreciate the honesty. Presenteeism is the act of showing up for work even though you are a walking biohazard and will be as productive as an untrained ape. It costs approximately $180 million a year, has no solution in sight, and is perpetrated by doctors and food service workers in abundance. We debate several possible reasons for this, but can’t come to a consensus. I’m curious what the Sandy Hook Conspiracy Dipshits have to say about it. If you or a loved one are thinking of going into work this cold and flu season, please remember that nothing you or anyone else does at work matters. Happy 2016! Here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Incredible thumbnail courtesy of Ali Hassanein Instagram – https://instagram.com/alihassanein Thumbnail Sources: Office, cough syrup, thermometer Sources: NY Post – Going to Work Sick isn’t helping your career NPR – Food industry workers go to work sick National Intitutes of Health – Doctors go to work sick Wikipedia – Sandy Hook School Shooting summary Vice – What kind of person calls a mass shooting a hoax? Snopes – Sandy Hook Exposed? FALSE.

Episode 85 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Filter Bubbles 1827 Envy / Jealousy 1213 Concussions 1191 Spending Too Much On Christmas Gifts 916 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Welcome to episode 85. The one where I hate Star Wars. Mickey Mouse owes me 50 bucks or a night with Goofy. Did you spend too much on Christmas presents? I didn’t, but boy did my life-coach, who schlonged himself for three grand when he planned to spend about a tenth of that. Learn your geography, kids. That’s the lesson. It could save you a mortgage payment someday. Maybe my life-coach went to homeschool? Speaking of, Maddox doubles down on homeschool before we even get started this week, but at least he gets back to basics by bringing in videos that children made and then making fun of them. He doesn’t bring in the symphonies of 8-year-old Mozart, however, a famous homeschool. Nor does he mention something called The Constitution, written by famous homeschool Thomas Jefferson. The study I mentioned about the average homeschooler testing at a full grade-level above their public school peers is linked in the sources below. The study also finds that if you read it, you’re a nerd. Maddox brings in jealousy and I hate because I wish I’d thought of it. I bring in a bigger threat to the NFL than cheating, drunk driving, violent assault, dog fighting, racist names, wife beating, shooting yourself in the leg, flashing of bad tits, rape, murder, dick pics, and lack of a kick-off: concussions. 270,000 teens every year suffer from concussions. I think we can all agree that the last thing teenagers need is being a more dumber. Maddox also brings in Filter Bubbles, the process by which computer algorithms give you the news you want to hear and not the news that’s out there. I don’t know if that’s true though. My news feed isn’t entirely nip slips and Black Twitter and that’s all I want to see. Is the gradual homogenization of human thought by computers a problem? Vote it up. Finally, Chris Strand sends in a song. I read an obvious prank email from a listener named Mia. Great job Mia. You almost got us. Here are Angry Youth Comix by Johnny Ryan referenced in the show. Maybe you’re the third person in the world who thinks these comics are funny besides Maddox and myself. I doubt it though, you’re probably not cool enough and too stuck up. Here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: Eric.ed.gov – Study about homeschoolers testing a full-grade above their level. Wikipedia – Health issues in youth sports Wikipedia – Filter Bubbles The Atlantic – Interview with Eli Pariser The Economist – “A world constructed from the familiar is a world in which there’s nothing to learn…” -Eli Pariser Psychology Today – The difference between envy and jealousy The Conquest of Happiness, Bertrand Russell, p.67 Wikipedia – People with narcissistic personality disorder are more likely to be envious. Thumbnail Sources: Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Wayne LaPierre, Bernie Sanders, Football helmet, MSNBC, Fox News

Episode 84 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Home Schooling 1123 Elf on the Shelf 1065 Christmas Trees -405 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); “People who were homeschooled are weird and lack social skills.” Says Asterios Kokkinos, the guy who dressed up as Grumble Bee, a bumble bee-based character of his own design, to go on a daytime television game show where he was chewed out by America’s most accessible comedian during a commercial break for making a game show too awkward. If that’s not the pot calling the kettle Rain Man, I don’t know what is. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. Maddox brings in home schooling and all hell erupts on this episode. Like usual, I side with stupid and believe parents have the best interests of their children in mind. I’m just biased because I was homeschooled on the only things that matter in life: women and money. The only math and spelling I need is how to add the letters U and the D. If you were homeschooled as a kid or if you homeschool your kids, comment below, unless you’re too busy dipping your dick in mayonnaise or blogging about taxidermy or drawing thousands of pictures of your local Starbucks barista. Or maybe you’re too busy building a Real Doll that looks like one of those racist Chinese aliens from the Star Wars prequels like this winner: https://youtu.be/9ZS13ZZIef0 Listener @Phil_XG sends us some fan art in the form of Biggest Problem emojis. Check them out, and pay especially close attention to how much my emoji does not look like me and instead looks like Prince Valium from Space Balls. @Phil_XGAsterios brings in the Elf on a Shelf, a seemingly harmless Christmas tradition that is actually an Orwellian primer for a Yuletide surveillance state. War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Meme-ing is parenting. I’m just sorry we didn’t learn about the Mensch on a Bench until after this podcast. I finish the episode with Christmas Trees. Christmas Trees are like penises. They’re all crooked, they all look more majestic with a trim, and what are you supposed to do when everyone’s sick of it? Throw it in the attic? They don’t teach you that stuff in public school. Happy Holidays and here’s hoping that Santa brings Maddox some actual stats on homeschooling for Christmas. -Maddox here. Due to all the debating, I didn’t get to all of my research and videos. Here’s a video of a girl’s home school routine, which includes eating fruit loops in bed, playing Minecraft and going on a bike ride with her mom: And another one, where their curriculum includes a Bible picture book and a “science” book called “Investigating God’s World.” I wonder what they say about carbon dating? And here’s a girl who wasn’t allowed to listen to music because it was “too secular.” Though she still thinks her experience was positive: And here is a more radical offshoot of home schooling called “unschooling” where kids don’t have to learn anything they don’t want to and can decide their own nutrition: Here’s a KOOL KID who loves homeschooling. All pros, no cons because he can’t think of any. In a nutshell, you can do whatever you want. It’s a Libertarian paradise! /Maddox Check out Asterios’ The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man Part II: www.devastatorpress.com/megaman2 And follow him on Twitter @asterios. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: iDebate.org – Home Schooling Pros and Cons. Yale – How to run a successful classroom, and other things parents haven’t been trained to do. NY Times – Only 9 states require that parents have at least a high school diploma or equivalent in order to teach their children, and children are only required to have formal outside assessment in 25 states.. Thumbnail Sources: Elf on the Shelf

Episode 83 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster and Megan Pennock Geriatric Action Heroes 1261 Star Wars Prequel Apologists 1241 Too Much Star Wars Merchandise 973 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…. EPISODE 83: A New Pair of Underpants This week, we join Emperor Maddox aboard his fully operational Rant Star as he wields the might of the Pedantic Empire in a battle to destroy the rebel forces of Too Much Star Wars Merchandise. If you hate pointless brand licensing like BB-8 oranges, Han Solo Pop-Tarts, and Jabba the Hutt toilet paper, get out your up-voting blaster and shoot first, or be prepared to live in a Star Wars-less future caused by brand fatigue. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to feel the Force and get $5 off your first purchase. Source: Metro.co.uk Will Emperor Maddox be the one to bring balance to the force of intellectual property? Or will Disney fuck it up? You, the voters, are our only hope. Then, Han Asterios-olo stops by and tells us about his battle with newest show enemy #1: Darth Wayne Brady. The force is strong with Wayne Brady. The force of being a jealous hater that is. If Midichlorians were sand, Wayne Brady would sure have a lot of them in his vagina. Here is Asterios’ controversial appearance on Let’s Make a Deal. Fuck you, Wayne Brady. We are your father. Asterios also brings in Star Wars Prequel Apologists. However, he fails to compare them to Hitler. Will that hurt him? Vote or do not, there is no try. Or maybe those weren’t the problems you were looking for. Finally, I, Captain Dick Tiberius Kirk, bring in the problem of Geriatric Action Heroes. In the last decade, the average age of a movie action hero has risen from 35.5 to 48.4. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to imagine my action heroes getting prostate exams. I also don’t want to see Han Solo shooting up space Cialis to plug some shaved Wookiee. Here is the picture of Sylvester Stallone referenced in the show. In the left is Sly in his iconic role of Rocky. On the right, slightly older, is his appearance as Chaz Bono. Check out Asterios’ The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man Part II: www.devastatorpress.com/megaman2 And follow him on Twitter @asterios. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Incredible thumbnail courtesy of Ali Hassanein Instagram – https://instagram.com/alihassanein Sources: Metro.co.uk – The Star Wars food collaborations need to end now. ABC News – Star Wars themed burger tastes exactly like regular burger. Forbes – The Frozen Effect. Marketingweek.com – Brand fatigue and brand affection across the globe. Moz.com – Why no one pays attention to your marketing. Telegraph.co.uk – Geriatric Action Heroes.

Episode 82 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock and Laurie F. Daylight Saving Time 2161 The Inability to Disconfirm 1592 Slippery Slope Arguments 1339 Walking -1964 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Less than 24 hours after the Great Apple Taste Test-Off and Maddox is already crying foul. If you want know what happened, and also find out which type of apple is scientifically mealy as fuck, pull out your credit card and buy Biggest Solution in the Universe, Bonus Episode 13 now. Who invented Daylight Saving Time? If you guessed Hitler, you would be factually incorrect, but you wouldn’t be wrong. Daylight Saving Time is the biggest sham perpetrated on the civilized world since those elongating dick pills swarmed late night TV ads in the 90s. We were all curious about them. There’s no shame in that. Thanks to Casper for supporting this show. Get $50 toward any mattress purchase by visiting casper.com/biggest and using promo code “biggest” Imagine a world where you can drive home from work in the pitch black, feel hungover and jet lagged even though you didn’t do anything fun, and crash your car way more and also have a shitload more heart attacks. If that sounds good to you, welcome to planet Earth, where we collectively fuck up our clocks and our sleep schedules twice a year because someone told us to. Who needs the Milgram experiment? We have Daylight Savings Time. Nifty DST charts! Source: Andy Woodruff After my surly rant, Maddox teaches us about slippery slopes and how they’re turning everyone into Hitler. I bring in walking, an activity enjoyed by babies, dogs and alleged pedophiles. James Callan’s talented ass sends us a comic combining two topics that get him “rock hard”, titled “Attack of the Libertarian Apple Consortium.” Finally, Maddox presents the “inability to disconfirm” as a plague on critical thinking and productive political discourse–and he’s probably right, but what no one can disconfirm is how bad ass my Christmas tree looks: And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: Line Stabbings – 1, 2, 3 The Atlantic – Daylight Saving Time. America’s Greatest Shame CBS – Daylight Saving Time causes accidents. City Lab – How much does Daylight Saving Time fuck you? Find yourself on these fuck maps. matadornetwork.com – Six dumb shits who walked around the world Charitywater.org – Walking for water. Nizkor.org – The Slippery Slope fallacy explained. Registerguard.org – Slippery Slopes in the news: “Zero tolerance on hate speech a slippery slope” CNBC – Another example: “Obamacare’s slippery slope to a single payer system” Cognitivetherapynyc.com – Automatic thought and cognitive disorders including the inability to disconfirm. APA.org – When superstition fails: reactions to disconfirmation of paranormal beliefs. Book: “Marketing Theory: Philosophy of Science Perspectives,” Ronald F. Bush, Shelby D. Hunt, p.83 Thumbnail Sources: Protesters, Maddox Face

Episode 81 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Not Enough Organ Donors 2124 Human Driving Directions 1160 Superhero Obsession 466 Lines 288 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); It’s your old pal Dick again, back in the saddle with a post full of yucks and a pen full of is. Several people felt the stupefying sting of a stumping last week: Penn Jillette, Marc Maron, show producer Randy Kiyan; but guess who wasn’t among them? That’s right, the man with the sculpted mane, the jork from New York, the big papa with his name on his choppa. He makes his ties in China and his deals in gold. He’s loud, he draws a crowd, and he’s vowed to build a big beautiful wall so the illegals can’t see it at all. The chairman and president of the Big Swingin Dick Organization. He’s hard on China, he’s hard on Japan, he’s hard on his hot ass wife and you better be too. He’ll clown you on stage and he’ll bully you on the page–of Twitter. He’s the prick with the rhetoric who loves bankruptcies, Muslim registries, and making fun of disabilities. You cannot interrupt him, you cannot stump him, the GOP cannot dump him, the flaxen haired god with the ten billion dollar rod who will make America great again: Donald J Trump. The J stands for “Can’t Be Stumped”. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. In all seriousness, if you bought into the Muslim ID badge hysteria, beware of emails from Nigerian princes promising you cash prizes if you send them a picture of your asshole. You’re fired. Maddox Edit: I didn’t have time to get to it in this episode, but if anyone’s on the fence about Syrian refugees, this is the best video I’ve seen about it. It’s only about 5 minutes long and no matter what you think about the Syrian refugee crisis, I’d be curious to hear comments after watching this video. Although I suspect the people who need to watch it the most are least likely to, but if you think your beliefs can stand up to scrutiny, I challenge you to watch this video: Note: The video is panned weird to avoid automated YouTube DMCA bans. Update: Unrelated, but listener Jeff Johnson posted this video which is too awesome not to share: /Maddox This week, Maddox brings in Superhero Worship, probably because he’s jealous of all the attention they get. He then proposes a Batman-esque, vigilante solution for the problem of lines: cut. Line-Cutting Man, faster than a dipshit reading their cell phone, more powerful than a sign that says “WAIT HERE”, with the ability to fuck-over a hundred civilized people patiently waiting their turn in the single bound. Line-Cutting Man may not be the hero the airport deserves, but he’s definitely the hero who deserves to be kicked in the nards. I bring in a story of gun fever that starts with human driving directions and ends in failure on multiple fronts. Maddox takes a trip to Area 51 to look at a fence, and show transcriber Laurie Foster sends us a government so small it fits in a spaghetti jar. Is that small enough for me, your average vaccine-hating libertarian? Find out in this episode. Also, check out Laurie’s comic, Super. Laurie calls it “The Venture Bros” meets “Astro City”. I can’t vouch for that, but I do know it has a better rating than my book on Amazon. Here’s a picture of a government so small you can barely see it: Finally, listener Sam Jacobs needs a kidney. If you have one to spare, let her know (AB-neg). Maddox’s kidneys are too powerful for a normal human and I’m pretty sure I don’t have any. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Incredible thumbnail courtesy of Ali Hassanein Instagram – https://instagram.com/alihassanein Sources: Organdonor.gov – www.organdonor.gov : If you’re too lazy to Google this on your own, no one’s holding their breath. Mayo Clinic – Organ Donor Myths : Sean’s concerns are covered. Mine and Maddox’s are not. KidneyRegistry.org – Kidney Registry : And you thought Human Centipede was gross. Wikipedia – List of American superhero films KQED – – Why are we so obsessed with superheroes?

Episode 80 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Shitting After You Shower 2170 Fuckface Donald Trump 217 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); I got a flood of email this week asking me to bring in the fuckface himself, Donald Trump. It was a long-time coming, but the point his relatively innocuous candidacy becomes dangerous is when he foments racial unrest and Islamophobia, which he did this week by suggesting Muslims should carry ID cards and be registered in a national database. Awesome. Also, my Penn & Teller: Bullshit episode finally came out, and I received a response from Penn Jillette himself. Here’s the video (link to his response in the sources below): Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. Here’s the news report about how more Mexicans are leaving America than coming for the first time in 40 years (full article below): Here’s one of the clips of Donald Trump wanting to raise taxes on the rich: As for the Muslim database, Donald Trump has since backed away from the comment, in a move that may win the gold medal in the Non-Committal Olympics: The fact that he has yet to thoroughly and denounce the idea of such a database is telling. And here’s that David Letterman clip where Trump A) doesn’t know where his clothes are made and B) gets busted on outsourcing jobs & manufacturing: Letterman suggested shutting down the factory in China and opening one up in New York, and Trump said, “I’m for it!” And here’s another clip of him from 1999 proposing the biggest tax-hike ever. Video won’t embed correctly, linked below. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail courtesy of: Eliazar Tatar Sources: The Best Page in the Universe – The back-story of the Bullshit episode I was on and Penn’s official response to me Wallstreet Journal – More Mexicans leaving US than entering for first time in 40 years. Independent.co.uk – No, one in five British Muslims doesn’t support Isis Rolling Stone – Sleazy things Donald Trump has said New Yorker – Donald Trump’s Muslim database game–a more balanced look at what he said and what he may have meant. CNN – Donald Trump: tax the rich more Fortune – Trump hints at plan to raise taxes on the wealthy and eliminate it for others ABC News – Donald Trump Once Proposed the Biggest Tax Hike Ever

Episode 79 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster "Not all blank" Knee-Jerks 1928 Zealots 1584 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week, our thoughts are with the fallen in France. Dick has a knee-jerk reaction to “knee-jerks,” and I cut right through all the bullshit and get to the heart of the problem with zealots. Speaking of Bullshit, I’m finally releasing my Penn & Teller video with my official response to my appearance on their show. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. I made the argument several times before about poverty being a key factor in countries that harbor the most terrorism, and here’s the evidence again since it was abjectly ignored the last time I brought it in: (Sources below) And here are the lowest 30% of countries by GDP per capita where 6 of the top 10 countries from the list above also have the highest incidents of terrorism (the IMF didn’t report data for Syria in 2014, but Syria was ranked 136 on the list according to the CIA World Factbook). Asterisks indicate countries with high levels of sectarian violence (Buddhist separatists in Myanmar, farm attacks in Zimbabwe, rebel attacks in Ethiopia, rebel attacks in Congo and CAR, etc) that weren’t in the top 10. Clearly poverty isn’t the only cause of terrorism and civil unrest, but it’s a good indicator. Iraq wasn’t on the list of lowest GDP per capita because of oil money, but that money is concentrated in the hands of relatively few. Just three countries—Pakistan, Iraq and Afghanistan—accounted for 54 percent of terrorist attacks and 58 percent of terrorist fatalities in 2012. All three of them are Muslim countries. Want to know who wants to solve the problem of terrorism the most? Muslim countries. That said, of the 50 or so Muslim countries in the world, only roughly 6 are dealing with terrorism, and all 6 happen to be among the poorest. Poverty and lack of access to good education usually go hand-in-hand. Sources below. As for the argument that most terrorism is Muslim, The Daily Beast has a great article about it: Are All Terrorists Muslims? It’s Not Even Close. They cite an interesting study that finds that not only is most terrorism not Muslim, most of it isn’t even religiously motivated. Here’s an excerpt from that report that found ethno-nationalist and separatist terrorism accounted for the majority of incidents from 2009-2013: (Sources below) This is important to note, because blaming people who are innocent will foment reprisal attacks, killing more innocent people, causing more reprisal attacks and the next thing we know we’re in World War III. Don’t be idiots. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: Statista – Countries with the highest number of deaths by terrorism in 2013, by percentage of total deaths Slate – More Than Half of the World’s Terrorist Attacks Happen in Just Three Countries TheDailyBeast – Are All Terrorists Muslims? It’s Not Even Close Wikipedia/IMF – GDP per capita Europol – EUROPEAN UNION TERRORISM SITUATION AND TREND REPORT 2014

Episode 78 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster and Megan Pennock Bad Haircuts 2305 Unfair Internet Bans -257 Spooning Victims -1026 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We’re joined by the lovely Dating Advice Girl, Erin Tillman and our own digital cyber demon, @Asterios is back for part of this episode. We discuss bad haircuts, bad bans and the bad, bad people who “convey semiotic violence” in the form of spooning. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t to pay $50 more. That silly bullshit article about spooning is linked in the description below. And speaking of bullshit, I forgot to mention on this episode, but my long-awaited story about my experience on Penn & Teller’s Bullshit is coming soon… And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Sources: Slate – Down with spooning

Episode 77 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster The Virginity Stigma 1878 Cowardly Perverts 775 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This episode I’m joined by the sneakiest of Greeks, @Asterios, where we discuss cowardly perverts and the stigma surrounding the loss of virginity. Plus, a special cap to the apple debate at the end of this episode. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. Here’s that book I talked about in this episode: And here’s the new Sonic Turkey I made while live-streaming on Twitch the other day, pretty incredible. I had two job offers for 3D modeling because of this stream, plus Pixar wants to fly me out to do a workshop: And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail credit: Credit: Science Museum, London. Wellcome Images, [email protected], http://wellcomeimages.org Sources: The Atlantic – On ‘late’-in-life virginity loss

Episode 76 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Zombie Apocalypse Planners 1316 Halloween Not Being Recognized as a National Holiday 758 Zombies 499 Haunts -585 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This episode we are joined by our very spooky friend, Roger Barr from I-Mockery.com. Roger’s the foremost authority on all things Halloween and he’s working on a badass new game: Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. And speaking of, here’s that CSI: NY clip we talked about on the show. This is my film debut. We were on set for 12-14 hours for this clip: And here’s my new episode I talked about in this episode: And finally, here’s the long-awaited Smash Brothers video that we teased around 10 episodes ago: And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners:

Episode 75 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Burnt Popcorn 2886 Libertarian Theory -3314 The Concept of a Home Owner's Association As The Perfect Representation of a Libertarian Government Which Dick Insists It's Not So Vote It Down -3898 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); I finally brought in that ever-amorphous political theory, and the most consistently pushed agenda from 50% of this show: Libertarian Theory. Dick got so mad he threw a pen at me. My problem went on long, so don’t hold that against Dick. He also wanted to bring in Home Owner’s Associations in as a separate problem, which it totally deserves to be, hence the renaming of my second problem. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. And thanks to Harry’s and our listeners for supporting this show for the rest of the year. Here’s the cat meme about Libertarians that I mentioned on the show: Found on: http://ventrellaquest.com/tag/libertarians-are-like-cats/ Here’s the header of the main website for the Libertarian Party, lp.org. Pretty good slogan, but instead of “Minimum Government, Maximum Freedom,” why not “Maximum Fun!” It’s the party of eating your cake and still having it: My favorite bits from the platform: no mandatory education for kids! Parents should decide how–or if–their kids should be educated. Let’s extend that philosophy to vaccinations! In fact, they do just that: “We recognize the freedom of individuals to determine … the medicines and treatments they will use and all other aspects of their medical care.” Cool! How about, “Minimum Government, Maximum Measles!” Source linked below. But by far my favorite part of the website is the “Libertarian Solutions” section, which purports to show Libertarian candidates explaining how Libertarian Solutions make your life better… except the section is empty: Here’s the animation made by Mercatus Center showing some of the freest states. Poor New York always dead last! I hope they can rid themselves of all those regulations that are causing people to not want to live and work there: And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Image sources: Flag, Prospector, Shotgun, Bucket, Rip texture, Gold coins, House, Tissues, Frame Sources: Libertarian Party – Libertarian Party platform Freedominthe50states.org – The 50 states ranked by “policies that shape personal and economic freedom.” Utah made #10 on the overall list! Libertarian Party – Here’s the Libertarian Party “solutions” page that’s empty. Ventrellaquest.com – Cat comic

Pathogenic Bacteria 1459 Friend-Zone Opportunists 1441 Shitting Your Pants 1053 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Well it finally happened. We finally told a story so gross that Sean almost threw up during this taping. We thought he was kidding at first until he pushed his mic away and started gagging. I was two adjectives away from having Sean ruin thousands of dollars of recording equipment with stomach bile. You’re welcome! Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off your new mattress. I’ve been sleeping on mine for nearly a year and it’s still awesome. Here’s the “gift” we received from Tom Lond from the C.U.N.T. foundation: “Thanks” “a” “lot.” And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Image sources: Flickr – Leaves Flickr – Background Sources: CDC – Number of people who get foodborne illnesses in the US every year. New York Times – CDC finds 23,000 deaths per year from antibiotic resistant infections CDC – 2002 study of mortality by bacterial infections

Episode 73 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Friend-Zoned Pussies 1923 The Pope 185 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); I finally bring in “friend-zoned pussies” this episode, along with Dick’s fuming about the Pope having an opinion. Plus a bunch of voicemail near the end of the episode about my use of a wig instead of actual pubes on my shirt. Actual pubes are gross, idiots. Nobody wants that on their shirt. In fact, here’s the picture of the hair that gets pulled from my chest every day at the end of shoots. Enjoy, idiots: Speaking of, the easier way to get rid of chest hair–which you should never do–is Harry’s. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. We received an awesome Buddy Cop trailer from long-time fan and listener, Wauterboi that we played during our 12th Bonus Episode. Here it is: And speaking of, I got paid a visit from our very own Wauterboi on the set of the game show I’m hosting in Vegas, Cash Floor. What a badass: “Ode to an Angry Dick” by Jacob Sigren. And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Incredible thumbnail courtesy of Ali Hassanein Instagram – https://instagram.com/alihassanein/ Sources: Wikipedia – Friend zone definition and examples in popular culture.

Episode 72 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Human Robots 1637 Man Buns 616 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); A man bun is a bun you don’t want to eat, smell or touch. Mercifully, this trend in hairtrocity may be coming to an end. It turns out that man buns cause premature baldness. This week, Dick got sent a bunch of articles about how people with man buns are going bald, which put the fear into him and may spell an end to the bun. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. Also, literally the day we recorded this episode, I saw this car that obviously just got in an accident with a parking ticket on its windshield. This is what I was talking about with “human robots.” The lacking of any judgment, empathy or reason. Just mindless application of rules: We also got paid a very Boisterous visit from the year 3000. And here’s the Lil’ Bits clip we mentioned on the show: And here’s the podcast for our SoundCloud listeners: Thumbnail courtesy of Eliazar Tatar Image attributions: Flickr – Gundam Flickr – Bun Flickr – Space Asterios bits: “News Theme” licensed under Creative Commons from Ithaca Audio: http://www.ithacaaudio.com/2010/12/07/news-theme/ Sources: ABC7 – Popular hair style causes premature baldness. Time – Study finds bald guys look more manly and dominant. Wallstreet Journal – Baldness signals authority and leadership FoxLA – Dick on Trump

Episode 71 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Stonewalling Vegans 2525 Paralysis 1730 Artificial Scarcity of Pretzel Buns 688 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We put up a united front against Vegans who stonewall restaurant choices in this episode. Also, the fan problem of “artificial scarcity of pretzel buns” from the tail lend of the last episode made it onto our list of official problems. And we tackle the big problem of paralysis. Here is the 3D-printed recreation of the model I made in my tutorial: Looks pretty good! Also my big announcement: I’m hosting a game show in Las Vegas! Here’s a pic from one of the shoots. I’ll be posting occasional pics from the set on my Instagram account: Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. Here’s what I was talking about during the episode with regards to smaller causes getting a “megaphone” to spread their message, like the ALS ice bucket challenge: It’s good that these often neglected areas of research are getting some attention, there can be a tipping point where we start paying an undue amount of attention compared to the impact it has on people’s lives. And for our SoundCloud listeners who might have missed it last episode, the podcast is syndicated there as well as iTunes and Stitcher: Finally, with regards to the counter-terrorist expert’s claims that “There is no evidence that demonstrates that countries with low levels of economic development, high rates of unemployment, poor rates of economic growth, high levels of income inequality … have higher levels of terrorism:” I think the fact that the top countries affected by terrorism have low level of economic development, high rates of unemployment, poor rates of economic growth and high levels of income inequality is pretty strong evidence: (Sources below) Thumbnail courtesy of Eliazar Tatar Image attributions: Flickr – Wide eye Flickr – Scream Flickr – Broccoli Flickr – Steak pan Sources: The Atlantic – The CIA poured billions into a jihad against Soviet-occupied Afghanistan ABC News – One in 50 Americans lives with paralysis WebMD – B12 deficiency found in 92% of vegans. Social Science Research Network – Does US Military intervention reduce terrorism? Statista – Countries with the highest number of deaths by terrorism Vox – ALS ice bucket challenge and why we give to certain charities

Episode 70 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Terrorism 2481 Ham-fisted Video Game Stories 152 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This episode was chock-full of facts—from me—with Dick & Sean forming a tag-team duo of incredulity. I’ve linked to sources about the disputed claims below (about the Swiss eating cats and dogs, donor fatigue and the lack of middle-eastern support for terrorism from Pew Research Center). Speaking of, we had a surprisingly nuanced conversation about terrorism in this episode that didn’t derail into a Trump campaign speech (though almost). Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off your mattress. Also, when I say I don’t like stories in video games, that doesn’t mean across the board you idiots. There are clearly some exceptions (most of the Metal Gear Solid series, for example, or one of my favorite games of all time, Snatcher). Here’s the contentious video that got everyone’s panties in a bunch: I await all the examples of good story-telling in video games as you idiots post mostly RPGs in the comments section—the exception I noted. Go to hell. And for our SoundCloud listeners who might have missed it last episode, the podcast is syndicated there as well as iTunes and Stitcher: Incredible thumbnail courtesy of Ali Hassanein, IG: @alihassanein Sources: BBC – The Swiss still eat cats & dogs Maddox – Christopher Reeve is was an asshole. WiseGeek.com – Donor Fatigue Pew Research Center – Most Middle-Eastern countries have an overwhelmingly unfavorable view of terrorist organizations

Episode 69 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Poly-Evangelists 1308 No Quality Singles 617 The Female Orgasm -290 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); For our 69th episode, we did a big sex-themed episode with special guest, author and dating expert, The Dating Advice Girl also known as Erin Tillman on Twitter, @datingadvicegrl: Here’s a photo we took from the recording: Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” (or just click on the link) for $5 off your first purchase. Here’s the full clip of Angelo’s mom going off: And the full Sean Joke song: And speaking of SoundCloud, the podcast is also syndicated on the platform, starting with #67. Listen here: Thumbnail courtesy of Jessica Safron Sources: MoreThanTwo.com – Glossary of poly terms. Set aside an hour or two to read them. Mic.com – A stats on the dreaded Female Orgasm.

Episode 68 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. People Who Can't Cook 1800 Toddlers 1752 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week’s problems are both subsets of bigger problems: “People Who Can’t Cook” is a subset of anti-intellectualism, and “Toddlers” is a subset of “Babies,” since not all babies survive it to toddler age, whatever age that may be. Also, whoever wagered his life savings to see a video of a shitty self-checkout machine not working, send me an email at [email protected] because I’m going to take you to the cleaners. The metaphorical ones when I clean out your bank accounts, and the literal when you shit your pants when you realize I have multiple videos. Special thanks to Audible. Check out http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest for a free audio book download. Also, thanks to @asterios for calling in this week. And a big thanks to Tom Phillips and Denzel Walkes from http://www.gameobliterator.biz/ for calling in all the way from Germany to give us his report. Thumbnail by Eliazar Tatar Thumbnail Sources: Flickr – Middle fingers Flickr – Hello kid Flickr – Daycare Tom Phillips’ score: “Breaking In” – Boxcat Games Sources: YouTube – People who can’t cook is a problem from a new video I’m making. Coming soon…

Episode 67 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Self-Defeating Thoughts 3384 Cheating 2165 Too Long Shorts -1182 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Cheating can be a problem, but the biggest cheating you can do is to yourself with self-defeating thoughts. Buy tickets to my new life-coaching seminar. Also, too long of a shorts. I’m also teaching a seminar on indefinite articles. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” (or just click on the link) for $5 off your first purchase. We didn’t get a chance to talk about it in this episode, but listener William Riding sent this in: (Click for larger image) Thumbnail Shorts – https://www.flickr.com/photos/bestfor/2366699632 Thanks to James Gàrlánd for the intro problems. Sources: Psychology Today – An article that’s so poorly-written that I almost didn’t link to it. But there are still a few nuggets of useful insight within. TheBolde.com – Self-defeating thoughts you have when you’re single

Episode 66 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Data Caps 3937 Shit 905 McDonald's 615 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Shit. You don’t want it in you and you don’t want it on you. It’s a big problem. Plus, the fast food version of shit, and data caps. All kinds of shit this episode. Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. I’m talking to you, ladies. Here’s the video McDonald’s put out to assuage consumers’ fears about their fries having “17 ingredients” that turned out to actually be 19. Which is definitely not a Franken-fry, according to McDonalds’ PR campaign: And here’s the McRib video that ends up looking exactly like the frozen McRib they show at the start of the video: Thumbnail credit: Eliazar Tatar big mac – https://www.flickr.com/photos/zigazou76/16478209807/sizes/l/ cake 1 – https://www.flickr.com/photos/yashima/1458392811/sizes/l/ cake 2a – https://www.flickr.com/photos/nagarjun/4310796460/sizes/l/ cake 2b – https://www.flickr.com/photos/nagarjun/4310796022/sizes/l/ Thanks to James Gàrlánd for the intro problems. Sources: CDC – Global wash statistics WHO – Water sanitation figures Washington Post – McDonalds’ market share is shrinking Gizmodo – FierceWireless.com – Data Fees as a percentage of revenue Fool.com – Average Data Usage NewNetworks.com – National Infrastructure Initiative Scandal ArsTechnica – Business Decision HuffingtonPost – 97% Profit of cable companies

Episode 65 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock and Laurie Foster Hoverboard Hoaxes 1736 Death 1584 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Well, I called it. There was some cheating with the votes in the Dropbox episode, number 63 and probably 64 with the “Piss Driblets” episode. That’s what making the show about a “contest” does. It encourages cheese-dick cheating and turns this show into a cheese-dick game show. Don’t cheat with the vote, idiots. It ruins the show. That’s why I keep stating it’s not a contest, because turning it into one will encourage bullshit like this. That aside, I finally brought in what is, to date, the biggest problem in the universe: death. Also, Dick has a problem with hoverboard hoaxes. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t and pay $50 more. Plus we received another care package from our transcriber and friend of the show, Laurie Foster! She went all-out this time and sent us a ton of cool shit: Listeners of this show can get the entire 1st volume for just $5 using promo code “biggestproblem”. Check it out here: http://www.super-comic.com/biggest/ And the Patreon link is http://www.patreon.com/supercomic Here’s that jet pack video I talked about. I don’t know why this technology isn’t more modern. It’d be trivial to correct for pitch and yaw shifts using computers and micro propulsion bursts using computers to compensate for tilt, much like a Segway corrects for tilt. Yeah, I just invented that. Genius. And here’s that “A too small of a face for my head man” art we received: Lukas Awesome thumbnail by: Jessica Safron She’s the same illustrator who made that awesome fan art of me macking with Mary from Quartet a few episodes back. Check out her web comic at https://satanninja.com/ Sources: NY Times – Spicy food leads to longer life Wikipedia – Death is more of a process than an event. Journal of Medical Ethics – Death and Organ Donation: Back to the Future

Episode 64 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Piss Driblets 2090 Infantilism 1926 Hunting Cry Babies 1438 Ants 1313 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); The problem we’ve teased in the intro for a while now is finally brought in: ants. Also, another type of ant that’s arguably worse: infantalism. Just a bunch of emotionally immature cry babies who can’t cope with the stress and pressure of life. And speaking of cry babies, Dick takes the trophy-hunting variety to task. And “piss driblets.” Big thanks to US for sponsoring this episode. The reviews are in and people love Bonus Episode #10. Thanks for supporting the show. Here’s that video I referred to in this episode. It took 10 tons of cement to fill up one ant colony. The comments on the video are pretty choice, with a song about tartar sauce and this gem: “Fuck you bitch! I uploaded this motherfuka I’ll comment whatever I want son!” And on that note, here’s some more great fan art: Ahmed Bially https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo4neIaKrLSICqjS4VKGVbAhttps://twitter.com/ghidanouri1 And this incredible homage by @olomerol http://www.sabandija.com@olomerol More F+ work, keep them coming. Thumbnail by: Jack Tubbs Thumbnail sources: Easel: https://www.flickr.com/photos/chippenziedeutch/3037224782/ Guy: https://www.flickr.com/photos/henry_huey/15211501890/ Kid’s drawing: https://www.flickr.com/photos/mejuan/4384019575/ Kindergarten: https://www.flickr.com/photos/wwworks/2885861465/ Sources: FlavorWire.com – Enlightenment philosophy for a generation of adult infants Wikipedia – Paraphilic infantalism Reader’s Digest – 13 common items for getting rid of ants Google search on “how to get rid of:”

Episode 63 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Helping Friends Move 1347 Dropbox / Cloud Storage -855 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); I take a big shit on Dropbox and other “data rental” services this episode, and Dick complains about boxes of another kind: the ones filled with your friends’ stuff when you help them move. This might be one of the most comprehensive thumbnails we’ve had on the show. Also in studio with us today is Austin Blank (not as a guest with a problem, just an in-studio guest). Here’s a picture of him with friend of the show, John Morrison: Big thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Get $50 off any mattress by going to https://casper.com/biggest and using promo code “biggest” Also, the fan art section on the site is finally live. Speaking of, we received some incredible art from Ali Hassanein this episode: Ali Hassanein Ali Hassanein F+ work for sure. And here’s Jessica Safron’s awesome art we talked about (click for NSFW versions): And here’s that hot knee porn Dick mentioned: Thumbnail by: Eliazar Tatar Thumbnail sources: Flickr – Dolly Lama Flickr – Boxes Flickr – Truck and street Sources: ZDNet – Dropbox dropping the ball with security notifications Networkcomputing.com – 5 Dropbox security warnings for businesses ITPro.co.uk – Is Dropbox fit for business? TechCrunch.com – Dropbox bug makes passwords optional for hours

Episode 62 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock People Who Don't Value Science 3057 Trans Fats / Partially Hydrogenated Oils 1924 Initiating a Conversation 1643 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week we are joined by the lovely and talented Robin Higgins. We discuss people who don’t appreciate science, first-time jerk sessions and her play about the sex-lives of Star Trek characters. Speaking of, here’s the Borg-gy scene we talked about in this episode: Plus you get some terrible negs to use if you want to get slapped. Jeff Goldblum would approve. And of course, trans fats. It’s not what you think. Or, more likely, exactly what you think. Thumbnail by: Jack Tubbs Thumbnail sources: Flickr – DNA Flickr – Girl Sources: WHO – Leading causes of death world-wide Harvard – Shining the spotlight on trans fats CNN – The history of trans fat

Episode 61 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Wage Theft 3140 People Texting in Public Walkways 2001 Stoner Marketing 392 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); If you guys hated horses last episode, you’re going to hate hoarseness even more this one as my voice has been ravaged by Comic-Con 2015. Plus, more acrid debating this episode. I don’t know how, but Dick found a way to disagree with everything I had to say this episode. That’s like a plot twist that nobody saw coming because it’s not a plot twist. Plus two new songs, wage theft, and a blurb about Comic-Con. Plus here’s the shitty Sonic the Hedgehog made by a guy named after a headache medicine, olomerol: And finally, here’s that a capella song Dick played at the beginning of this episode in case you guys want to have your day ruined with a really shitty song that has absolutely no redeeming qualities: And the completely true and very funny “Small Face Dick” song. Is Matt Bahr a bad enough dude to fight Maddox? You be the judge: Thumbnail by: Eliazar Tatar Thumbnail sources: Burglar, Money fan, Office, Money drain, Money roll Sources: Taco Bell – Taco Bell’s menu that has items with 420 calories in them. Subtle, like a jackhammer. TheFix – Marketing the Munchies Wikipedia – The magnitude of wage theft Forbes – Here’s what white collar wage theft looks like. Gainesville.com – Push is on for local wage theft ordinance. Pando.com – High-tech wage theft TriplePundit.com – Source for the $9 billion estimate

Episode 60 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Hiccups 1305 Horses -1574 Sharks -1658 French Bread -2681 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Hate horses? Love glue? Then this is the episode you’ve been waiting for. Also, Dick’s hatred of sharks and phobia of normal bodily functions. Here’s some of the fan art we talked about this episode, courtesy of @daggersforteeth: And the money art: Here’s a brief recap of my awesome Sonic tutorial on Twitch: And here’s the UNFINISHED Mario tutorial I was working on the other night: Looking pretty good… not done yet though, so hold your horses. Special thanks to us. This episode is sponsored by our own bonus show, thanks for supporting us. Click here to check out Bonus Episode #9 Thumbnail by: Jack Tubbs Sources: LD Davis – Proof that some manufacturers still use animal-based glue. Good. Hope it’s horses Quora – Are dogs smarter than horses? Stupid explanation within. Washington Times – Horse slaughtering is back! Julia Child – The French Chef clip from this episode

Episode 59 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Selfie Stick 1522 No Fumar 189 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); It’s a big week for marriage of the gay kind (so just marriage). Dick makes an indecent proposal, plus I share a bit of sad news. And speaking of sad news, like a Phoenix rising from BBQ-flavored ashes made of porcelain, our producer Randy Kiyan fixed the Ash figure that Butt Sanchez sent us back in Episode 52. It’s as good as new. I even thought Randy might have purchased a new one to replace it. Nope, turns out he’s just an alchemist: Plus we get a visit from Asterios and not Tom Phillips from GameObliterator.biz. Speaking of, here’s Tom’s website for all you non-believers: Special thanks to Denzel Walkes. Thumbnail sources: by Jack Tubbs Sign Sources: HawaiiNewsNow.com – Hawaii Raises Smoking Age Cancer.org – Why do people start smoking PBS.org – Real Reasons behind Smoking Bans, Ronald Bayer, a professor at Columbia (same school as the Ghostbusters) Stanford – “Evidence” of the Dangers of Outdoor Smoking New York Times – NY Times dubs the selfie-stick the “Narcissistick.”

Episode 58 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Anti-Intellectualism 3283 Free Water Cups 584 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We’ve got a heavy topic this week that seems light-hearted at first, but boy are you in for a surprise of the bloviating kind. But as of this writing, the “80mph” video mentioned in this episode has over 1.2 million downloads with 4,787 votes of approval: Plus my buddy Tom Phillips stops by with his E3 roundup. Plus my own recap of E3 at the top of the show. Speaking of, here’s the video I mentioned: Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Go to Harry’s website and use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” when checking out to get $5 off your first purchase. I’m talking to you, ladies. Here’s the fan art we talked about during this episode: By Mr. Gobun By James Callan Click the image/link for the full comic. Thumbnail credit: Eliazar Tatar Thumbnail sources: Party Guy Fridge Asterios-I mean, Tom Phillips bits: “Breaking In” – Boxcat Games Sources: Newsweek – The ignorance of Americans NBC News – Science comes from the pit of hell National Journal – Snowballs exist, therefore global climate change does not. Local maxima and minima? What’s that?!? Psychology Today – Anti-Intellectualism is killing America

Episode 57 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Social Justice Warriors (SJW) 10786 Shitty Dads 2508 Soy 1439 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We’ve got two 800-lb gorillas of problems this week where Dick and I put up a rare united front to the afront of the outrage-army. Plus the other 800-lb gorilla: people who eat soy. More specifically, soy itself. I’ll bring in the people another time. Here is my Twitch channel. I kept saying “twitch dot com” when it’s actually “twitch dot tv:” Could there be a Street Fighter Alpha 2 competition in the works? Sounds like a question only a pro gamer can answer. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t to pay $50 more. Here’s the fan art we talked about during this episode: By Gorepump By Rob Hyde And finally, here’s that Chet Hanx quote: Awesome Thumbnail credit: Eliazar Tatar Thumbnail sources: Flickr – Flag Flickr – Knights Flickr – Castle Sources: Oxford Journal of Medicine – Soy makes your sperm weak. Men’s Health – Some of the negative effects of soy. WebMD – A lot of the claims here don’t have external sources, so take them with a grain of salt. Or drop of soy sauce. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology – Women who are told to “ask” for a raise do so as opposed to women who are told to “negotiate” for one, p607.

Episode 56 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Teleology 2370 Honor Killings 2274 The Netflix "Are you still watching?" Button 345 High Heels -817 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Ever wonder why things happen? Turns out it’s for a reason. Also, I bring in the two big “H” problems this week: honor killings and high heels. Dick and Sean think wobbly feet and permanent injury are a small price to pay for beauty. Thanks to Audible for sponsoring this episode, thanks to you for supporting us but thanks most of all to me for everything. Go to http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest for your free audio book download. Apparently talking about high heels, honor killings and teleology aren’t nearly as contentious as talking about the Netflix, as you’ll hear near the end of this episode with the debut of our new guest-host: Baby-Dick. Sources: Osteopathic.org – High heel statistics BBC – Honor killings are believed to have originated in tribal customs. Wikipedia – Emo killings in Iraq Stanford.edu – Teleology in biology Ashford University – Take the quiz. Are you a teleology?

Episode 55 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Pregnancy 1555 Tractors Pulling Out In Front Of You 1179 Speech Recognition 945 Pizza Snobs 714 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We have a super-stuffed episode this week that’s bursting at the seams with the amniotic fluid of comedy. Plus a certain DIGITAL CYBER DEMON stops by with an Internet report. Did you know those exist? Broaden your horizons. Also, one of us is an armchair evolutionist (hint: see sources below to settle the debate). And here’s that kickass artwork that we talked about at the start of this episode: By: Jacob Mantia (some artwork may be NSFW) Make sure to listen past the closing theme of this episode to hear the song sent in by David Ellerie and my favorite Asterios bit to date. Speaking of, here are the credits: Hilarious thumbnail: Jack Tubbs Asterios Bits: BED MUSIC: Cybersdf – https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/ Night on Bald Mountain – Mussorgsky SOUND EFFECTS: Thunder – SoundBible Correction: The “Cock Wankerson” voicemail about cyclists was by John Costanzo, not David Ellerie. Sources: Tufts.edu – Early Greek pizzas called “plakous” Berkeley.edu – MISCONCEPTION: Evolutionary theory implies that life evolved (and continues to evolve) randomly, or by chance.

Episode 54 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Perfectionism 2355 People Who Complain About Being Cold All The Time 1142 Forest Fires 589 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week, idiots who are too hot and idiots who are too cold. I bring in a problem and a potential solution to that problem in the same episode (though still a problem in its own right). Dick and Sean walked right into my trap that I baited them with this episode. Plus, we reveal that Shifty Sean actually did bring in a problem for our 1-year-anniversary, but the problem mysteriously got deleted. Who could have done it? What happened? We’ll find out soon enough… Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” for $5 off your first purchase. In case you missed the announcement last episode, here’s the book announcement. Thumbnail Credit: Jack Tubbs Sources: WildfireToday – Some surprisingly robust statistics about forest fires FEMA – Some cool deathly statistics about forest fires.

Episode 53 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Bad Blowjobs 1846 Psychics 1751 Automatic Sensors 959 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week we’re joined by the very funny and badass, Ron Babcock. His Instagram account, @heyron, has some of the best tour photos I’ve ever seen. Here’s one of my favorite sketches Ron has done: Last episode lured a lot of armchair economists out of the woodwork, and everyone except for me and a few critical thinkers in the comments section turned out to be idiots. Ironically, the care package we received last episode with the broken bottles turned out to be way more valuable than had those bottles shown up intact. Maddox: 1, Economists: 0 (forever). Speaking of psychics, I didn’t have time to mention it on the show, but in 2011 a psychic claimed to have a vision about a mass grave in Texas, which caused police to search an innocent couple’s property while the FBI, police dogs and helicopters buzzed overhead, which caused their neighbors to think they might be murderers. The psychic turned out to be wrong (gasp). This week’s sponsor is our own bonus episode, thanks for supporting our show: Bonus Episode 7 In case you missed the announcement last episode, here’s the big news: I’m writing a new book. Thumbnail credit: All me And finally, the closing song, “Maddoxnomics”, by Robert Araujo. Sources: Discovery – Fake predictions by fake psychics cause real damage to real people Caltech – Tangshan Earthquake shits all over the broken window fallacy: p. 852, “A contract system in which the building funds came from future profits and tax relief.”

Episode 52 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Armchair Economists 940 Bicyclers -130 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Our big 1 year anniversary episode! And my big announcement is finally here: Click here or go to hellThis is our biggest episode yet and may be one of my favorite episodes. Easily in the top 52 of all time. Dick is so blinded by the butt-hurt he feels towards cyclists that he refuses to even call them “cyclists.” Plus I’m so blinded by the butt-hurt from all you idiots that I demolished your stupid “broken window fallacy” that all you morons kept parroting in the comments last episode. More like broken-record fallacy. Here’s the hilarious song by @BandWagonBedlam: And Bags of Sand by Christopher Strand Want to support our show? Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” (or just click on the link) for $5 off your first purchase. And here are all the pictures from the Butt Sanchez package:    Special thanks to @Reverend_Scott and Andy McKee for the song at the end. Make sure to listen past the closing theme song. Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs And in case my website goes down due to traffic, here’s a direct link to the sign-up form: sign up here. Sources: About – The busted broken window fallacy Investopedia – The broken window fallacy in more detail Expert Reviews – Some of the technology and industries that came out of World War II Bicycle Universe – Bikes vs. Cars Energy Calculator Daily Mail – Bicycling wrecks your prostate

Episode 51 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Earthquakes 2186 Gossip 1405 Flowers 1028 Bachelor Parties 388 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Ever heard of an industry so shitty that boycotting it would make things worse? Think about that next time you buy flowers for your mom. And speaking of, happy Mother’s Day, suckers! And I didn’t even get to mention this in the episode, but the simple act of buying your wife flowers will make her think you’re cheating on her (source below). Plus, a big announcement on my website… Also, Dick brings in a problem that objectively deserves to be on this list. Just not higher than #11. We’re one episode away from our milestone of 52! What a fun number, just rolls off the tongue. Thumbnail: Diego Rivera, The Flower Carrier, 1935 Sources: US Leap – The depressing lives of flower workers Times of India – Buying flowers for your wife? Nice try, cheater. Psychology Today – To gossip or not to gossip? That is the stupid title.

Episode 50 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Unexpected Guests 2754 High School Prom 1950 First-Time Child Experts 907 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Big surprise this week in our Big 50th episode, and what may be the most elaborate prank Dick and I have ever experienced. We’re joined by special guest, @Asterios again. Except now he has a new nickname: The Sneaky Greek or Greek Sneak, along with his sidekick, Shifty Sean. Speaking of, here’s the brilliant “The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man” series: http://devastatorpress.com/megaman2/ And because you asked, here’s a picture of Sean: Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode, go to casper.com/biggest. It really helps us support the show, thanks to everyone who has supported our sponsors for keeping us going for 50 episodes. The hilarious song/voicemail at the end of the episode is by @Reverend_Scott with music by Andy McKee. Make sure to listen past the closing theme song. And finally, here’s that fan art sent in by Canon Manley of drunk Dick throwing a shitty orange. You know it’s not a Cara Cara orange because I’d be right there to catch it in my mouth: Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Sources: New York Times – Unwanted parenting advice from strangers Scary Mommy – Snarky response to unwanted parenting advice from actual parents to actual parents (aka, not Dick)

Episode 49 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Wage Gap Truthers 3914 Reefer Madness 2200 Getting Too High -138 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); It was 4/20 this week, which means everyone lights up and celebrates weed on the day Hitler was born. Dick makes an impassioned case for why pot should be legalized, and why people who smoke too much of it are idiots. We also go more in-depth about the wage gap article and video I released recently. Here it is in all its debunking glory: Here’s the Charlie Brown fan art we received from John Nikolouzos: And this accurate piece: And for those of you who are still blazing, here is the Sativa Sean song by Christoffer Strand. Thumbnail credit: Clay Rodery, Illustrator. http://www.clayrodery.com/ Sources: Maddox – Nobody will ever read them, but all my sources are here

Episode 48 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Obesity 4495 Bacon Worship 2419 Income Tax 1243 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); I’ve got a stats for you. Who has two thumbs, an expensive watch and is writing this episode’s post? Dick Masterson, that’s who. Like usual, controversy begins before the show does as we count down to a major milestone, but which one are we counting down to? 50 episodes or 1 year? Voice your opinion in the comments or by voting down monkeys. Maddox attempts to shit himself out of the shit he stepped in with last week’s Guardians of the Galaxy problem. That problem went down harder than the Titanic. Or did it? Maybe we’ll find out in the next 30-second installment. I bring in a timely vote grab: Income Tax. Maddox brings in some alarming stats on obesity, like that cars and trucks consume 938 million additional gallons of fuel per year transporting the weight Americans have put on since the 60s. And lastly, we invite everyone who worships at the Church of Bacon to try a bacon-wrapped go-fuck-yourself. See you next Tuesday. Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Sources: WHO – Obesity stats CDC – Fat adolescents increased over 400% since 1980 LiveScience – Cars & Trucks consume more fuel to haul ass National Priorities – Tax money comes in, Tax money goes out Tax Foundation – Average worker pays over $8,000 in income tax Whitehouse.gov – Tax Calculator, if you put in your salary and turn it upside-down, it says FUCK YOU.

Episode 47 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Losing Your Cell Phone 1787 "Wash Me" -951 Guardians of the Galaxy -2855 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); I gave everyone blue balls by hinting that I’d bring in Guardians of the Galaxy a few episodes ago. Well it has finally come. And by it, I mean you. I shit all over the movie in this episode. I didn’t even get to all of my gripes due in part to Dick’s inexplicable love for boring superheroes like Superman. And here’s the little dick that Dick found on his car. I wonder who drew this work of art? Dick suggested that there was no other movie in which the good guy distracts the bad guy with dance, so I did some research. Here you go: Stupid Austin Powers dance to destroy the “fembots:” Lion King (thanks to listener Sayan Ban for pointing this out): Uhura from Star Trek dancing to distract the bad guys: Chris Tucker from Rush Hour basically only had a repertoire of dance moves (though technically this wasn’t done to distract the bad guy since his car has already been exploded): Sources: TV Tropes Great Escape TV Tropes Spanner in the works Twitter @tweet_secrete – “One of these things…” song Picosong Full Dick BBC song

Episode 46 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Vine Stars 1673 The BBC -271 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Big episode this week, with the most elaborate Dick vs Dick in the show’s history, going all the way back to episode 1. Also, Dick’s penchant for shitty Vine videos and his hatred of the BBC. I love the BBC and I would change my last name to BBC out of spite if I had a last name. Here’s the picture of what I’d look like with a sumo bun. Even when someone tries to make me look like a hipster, I look like a badass. Sources: IB Times Rainn Wilson drops vine star BBC – BBC Fees The Guardian – BBC Spendings Wikipedia – How BBC fees are collected Twitter – Dick’s agenda to ban the BBC

Episode 45 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Penis Injuries 2765 Utah 2631 Mars One 2535 Loud Talkers 2374 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Love overbearing governments, nothing to do and anal? Utah might be for you. Plus, Dick breaks his penis and I eat a steak with a dash of barf. Here’s that clip from Boiler Room I mentioned in this episode: “We could use you at a two.” And here’s the bingo game again if you want to play along while listening: http://nathanc.me/bpbingo Update: The 3kHz hum has been fixed. It was filtered out and shoved up someone’s ass. Here’s Greg Simon’s full song played this episode: “If He Could Turn Back Time: Dick vs Dick” Sources: Purdue Review – Defining Conservatism Thrillist – Some of the crazy drinking laws in Utah Harris Polls – Loud talkers ranks #2 on the list of annoyances Medium – Mars One “Scam” and the full story

Episode 44 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #4 of 4: Vote on the problems below: Well-Intentioned Idiots 4748 The Huffington Post 3391 Unsolicited Advice 2661 Smart Phone Fact Finding Fuckheads -178 Kid Prison -696 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Here’s the article that this week’s problem was based on: http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=dancing_man Dick, the contrarian-in-chief, did his best to defend party girls. I go into a lot more detail on my website with relevant tweets and sources: The final live episode that we recorded at YouTube Space is available here: LIVE Episode #4 Thanks to us for sponsoring this episode. Here’s a link to the bonus episode we played clips from at the top of the show: Bonus Episode 5. Also available on iTunes. Sources: Maddox – The Dancing Man and the Cult of Well-Intentioned Idiots Rolling Stone – Rolling Stone article with editor’s note

Episode 43 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #3 of 4: Vote on the problems below: Chump Syndrome 2088 Spoiler Cry Babies 1260 The Pronoun "They" 276 People Who Turn Left -435 Having Sex In Weird Places -1705 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Spoiler alert: if you care about spoilers, you’re an idiot and your children won’t get into a good college. In this episode, I make a case for how left turns cause terrorism and Dick reminisces about his man and the Duke & Dutchess of weed. Speaking of, here are a few of those Sean memes: Thanks to @HeroGreg Watch LIVE Episode #3 by clicking on the link I mentioned eight words ago in this sentence. Three down, one to go. Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Here are the pictures of fat people made skinny from Reddit’s FatsoShop thread: Thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the code biggestproblem when checking out to save $5 off your purchase and it’ll help our show. Here’s the dashcam footage that listener Zach Garness sent in where a car loses control and fishtails (probably turning left) while he was listening to The Biggest Problem in the Universe in the background: And here’s Wauterboi’s song we played at the end of this episode. Finally, Bonus Episode 5 and the great Oculus Rift debate is now available on iTunes. Sources: PubMed – Manuka honey shits all over Dick’s superbug problem. Maybe. USA Today – No left turn: Companies try to save fuel as prices rise Washington Post – The case for almost never turning left while driving Bloomberg – UPS Makes no left turns in quest to deliver sustainability

Episode 42 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #2: Vote on the problems below: Student Loans 4184 Fit Shaming 2384 Superbugs 1435 Hotdog Truthers 1031 People Who Complain About What Others Are Doing On Social Media -176 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); The backlash to “fat shaming” seems to be “fit shaming,” which is abjectly stupid. I could spend all day eating overpriced steak while standing in line at the Apple store and hammering nails into my pee-hole, and fit-shamers would still be dumber. Also, Dick doubles down on his non-theory about allergens, and doesn’t like to read NPR or any other news source. I also get yelled at for fact-checking as a side effect of Dick’s powerful anti-fact antibodies. Despite that, I was correct about the life-expectancy rate around the turn of the century (sources below), as well as the BBC article about peanutbutter, the NPR article about the new antibiotic that kills superbugs. I’m right about everything. Also, the Live episode #2 is live. Easter Egg: At the end of this episode, I went on a rant about “lucid dreaming” and mentioned an article I wrote but never posted. It’s actually available on my server, and the URL is pretty obvious if you look for it. If anyone finds the article, I’ll post it here and give you a shout-out. Well that was fast. Listener Justin Main found the article almost immediately after this episode went live. So as promised, here it is, my previously unpublished article titled: “Lucid Dreaming is a waste of time” – http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=lucid_dreaming Thumbnail Credits: Thanks to illustrator @sword_and_ink for the kickass thumbnail. Here’s the picture from the Brazzers porn, “Tour of London: Part Two,” that a fan sent in to compare to my jacket from the live episode: Thanks to Audible. Check out http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest for a free audio book download. And here’s the fit-shaming image of Maria Kang: Sources: NPR – The NPR article that shits all over Dick’s problem this week. BBC – Children who started eating peanuts earlier in life had allergy levels 10 times lower than children who didn’t. So I guess it’s crazy to extend this theory to other allergens or drugs we’re exposed to, even though it applies to hot sauce, martial arts and caffeine. Berkeley – Life expectancy by decade Thumbnail: Illustrator – @sword_and_ink FDA – Petri Dish NIAID – Bacteria

Episode 41 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Recently Enlightened People 1845 Hay Fever 980 Bathroom Attendants 590 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We are joined by a very special, fan-favorite guest this week. You asked for it, so you got it. Here’s a plug for our guest’s upcoming project: Fans of angry rebukes of our fans should love this episode. Plus, live episode 2 coming next Tuesday, March 3rd. Also, “Guardians of the Galaxy” sucks full-time. Everyone’s an idiot except for me. Sincerely, -Maddox, Thought Leader Thumbnail by: Clay Rodery, Illustrator. http://www.clayrodery.com/ Sources: The Telegraph – Honey includes wind-blown pollens from grass and birch trees that may help mitigate allergy symptoms. Boring as Heck – Science for the motherfreaking win.