Unsilenced Truths

In this episode of Unsilenced Truths, I sit down with Taveion Mickens, host of Surviving The Flame, to talk about the power of a reframe — shifting how we see challenges and adversity. Together, we share how changing our perspective has helped us turn struggles into strength, obstacles into opportunities, and pain into purpose. Through our own stories and experiences, we dive deep into how reframing can help you push through hard seasons and find resilience when it feels impossible.You can also check out another powerful conversation I had with Taveion on his podcast, Surviving The Flame, where we go even deeper into finding purpose through struggle. Listen here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/surviving-the-flame/id1718368082?i=1000702382139

Hello everyone! We are still in Season 6 with another change in scenery. This episode just explains why I moved to Atlanta and what it has been like so far. Stay tuned for future episodes.

Tune in and found out... It's a good one ;)

Explaining my faith and what it means to me!

Just here to brag on God's FAITHFULNESS during these incredibly eye opening and challenging changes in my life. So please excuse how disorganized my thoughts were and the distractions that arised, I have plans to combat that moving forward.God will make a way when there is no way. He is the God that parted the Red Sea and allowed the Israelites to walk on DRY ground. If He did it before He will do it again. Faithful Then and Faithful Now.

Hello Everyone!Season 6, Episode 2 is here and I am super excited to share the mic with this particular guest. Publisher and Certified Business Coach, Selena Teems, has truly been a blessing and an inspiration during my time down here. She makes an even more amazing client and has the willingness to be coachable in areas that she is weak in, while walking boldly in her strengths. From life challenges to navigating business relationships I believe this episode is going to help somebody get their fire back and to stand in the paint against adversity.Thank you for listening and sharing.Selena Teems is a Gen X mother, business owner, real estate investor, tech founder, and 5x author of several Amazon Bestseller books. As a certified Hello Seven Coach, Selena teaches under represented and under estimated entrepreneurs to build businesses from zero to seven-figures revenue.  She has a 30 year public service career serving the residents of Miami -Dade County. She is a charter member of Next Level Sisters, Inc and a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. She is passionate about wealth creation through entrepreneurship. Her passion is to build the self-publishing ecosystem to create more wealth for authors and publishing freelancers through her coaching programs. Selena is proud to provide affordable housing to women of color in Florida and Louisiana. When not working she can be spotted in airports traveling to visit family, friends and scouting new investment opportunities. 

Thank you for listening. I do have the intentions of being consistent weekly for longer episodes and twice a week for shorter ones. Life has really done a 180, so as I adjust I hope to have the vulnerability to be transparent about the growth I am encountering.To watch the trailer for the movie I referenced I left the link below!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHhG2MsGxGI

Tune In!Read Hebrews 12 for referenced scripture

I am happy to introduce and congratulate my youngest brother, Bricey "The James" Google on his recent graduation from high school and signing to play his sport at the next level. I found this conversation to be very heart warming and humorous as we navigated our different perspectives of our upbringing. However, through this episode I came to realize that Brice has truly grown up and is indeed ready for his next level.Thank you Mom and Dad for all you have done for us and our futures.

Hello Everyone! Season 5 has been off to a slower start but as we know the turtle won the race and not the hare. This episode I had buddy back on and we spoke fairly briefly on how God has been working on us regarding matters of the heart, mindset, and habits. Hopefully, we will continue to have things to say as we press forward during this season of new and uncertainty. Thank you for listening!

I am not even going to lie to you guys. I struggled relaying to my listeners the goodness of God that I have witnessed lately. Especially relaying it in the way that illustrates that the changes that  have been most noticeable to me were within myself rather than my external circumstances. God has not failed me yet and I try my best to walk in obedience and boldness daily. To seek God in all areas of my life rather than framing my focus on what opportunities the world was telling to be on the lookout for or the opportunities people tell me I have missed. So many things remain uncertain but what I do know for sure is that God loves me, that He created me for a purpose, and that He finishes what He started. So despite, what I perceive as delays, hindrances, disappointments, and heartbreaks. When one door closes, God opens another and all I ask is for eyes  that can see his faithfulness and a heart that fully stands on His word.

"There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." Romans 8: 1 NKJVConviction v. CondemnationThank you to these special guests who shared their insight on a topic I have been pondering for weeks and allowing the Spirit to speak through them to enlighten us how to truly walk in Freedom.

I am very grateful for this guest and how she dissected the biblical phrase "joy comes in the morning" which can be found in Psalms 30. It was a very timely conversation and I hoped it helps some, if not all of you,  as much as it helped me. 

Diamonds are formed under great pressure and very often don't look like a diamond at first. It's only after rigorous polishing and a fine cut that TRUE value is revealed. Thank you Quallo for sharing what was placed on your heart and being bold in your faith!

Hello Everyone,I am excited to introduce my new guest, Amoya Long. I really enjoyed hearing her insight on a topic that I have been wrestling with for the past week. She was able to provide biblical context to the questions I ask and bring to light the spiritual aspect of things that many of us struggle with in the natural. I hope you guys enjoy this episode and share it with someone else who could benefit from it

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I'm glad God placed it on my heart to speak on this topic and share my platform again with one of my best buddies, Sheyenne Angus! Whether you have a significant other, someone to give you gifts (or not), or just verbal words of expressed affection I would like to focus on the greatest  gift offered to us which is salvation through Jesus Christ. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have ever lasting life".John 3:16 " 

Jesus/ God  is the best life insurance that we could ever have aka the salvation that is offered to us. Navigating life without God's covering and protection is absurd in our Christian walks and can illuminate to us when we are out of alignment. So, we have a banger for you this episode! I am super excited to share these precious nuggets that Earlicia blessed us with. I honestly think this episode speaks for itself so hopefully the technical difficulties we had with the mic won't interfere with your ability to soak up the wisdom that she lovingly shared.

Hello Everyone!Please help me welcome today's special guest, Danielle! She is one of our leaders at  Alive church and recently was my Freedom group leader. I am grateful that she had the availability to come visit the podcast and share her testimony and wisdom. At David's Bridal, we are entering Bridal season in full swing and it is easy to get overwhelmed with the details of wedding planning. Since I am still in my single season, I really want to go deeper with my relationship with Christ as he is and will continue to be my first love.

Thank you Sheyenne for being a guest again on the podcast and welcome to her grandma "Gramma Pat"  who is all the way from New Jersey. I loved having the generational dynamic in today's episode and appreciated both ladies sharing their testimonies and vulnerability. Enjoy listening and remember to share with a friend or family member.

Happy New Year and welcome 2024! If I had not read over my 2023 journal I would have missed to the opportunity to fully reflect and show gratitude for all God has done in my life. There were tears and laughter; sometimes both occurring at the same time. God has healed, provided, blessed, and protected me in ways I couldn't see in certain moments. He also showed me who He was and taught me his ways so I can share with others what I have learned and seen for myself. 2023 seeds were sown and my foundation in God was strengthened. I was also able to meet other Christlike people who have assisted me on my journey. Thank you Jesus for making a way.

During this was the episode I was supposed to talk about my messed up eyebrow that I had for my graduation weekend but I forgot to discuss it. I will have Sheyenne come visit us soon so we can both share that horror story. However, on this episode, Earley Young lll has made another guest appearance  and it was such an awesome opportunity to share a few pieces of our relationship. I am enjoying how we are growing individually and collectively.Thanks for having me on the podcast. I hope to be on many more.You guys keep showing love and supporting this podcast. #1~EY3

A special thanks to my friend Sheyenne Angus for stepping out of her comfort zone and being a guest today. I hope to be more consistent in 2024 with publishing episodes since many of you have shared your delight in listening and anticipation for new releases. Thank you again for listening and bearing with us.  Maybe, after Sheyenne "practices" we can come back for a part 2.

1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." Discouragement comes in various forms-in response to something we HOPED for, in response to our own or someone else's failure, in response to life's trials. While discouragement is not necessarily a sin, it can tempt  us to blame God or distance ourselves from him.   -(unknown)Luke 22:32 NLT"but I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail: and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers."

Long Time No See!I recorded this episode in my car on my phone because I knew that it was time to say something. I was not fully sure if I would use it as an episode or not but here we are. My summer break has not gone as planned at all and most definitely has not felt like a break. The Lord has been with me every step of the way though. I hope to be back recording soon when things are more stable and I have processed the things I have experienced and have the ability/ words to share with you the explanation for my absence. Anyways, enjoy my vulnerability and reminder that God has never failed me

Life is really what you make it. Happy birthday to me! I pray this next chapter is something special. I honored how I felt today and shared those emotions and thoughts honestly. so please, no judgement that I wasn't the happiest about how my birthday went. It could've been worse or better but I am confident that it went how it needed. I acknowledged the importance of today and so did others. I am grateful for everyone who wished me a happy birthday and for my loved ones who helped me feel valued. Today was a bit different than past birthdays but I am proud of what was accomplished in hope of a promising future. This is just the beginning.Welcome to Season 4

"Moving on to the future without letting go of the past is like tying your arm to a post while catching a train'"This chapter of my life is figuratively about to leave the train station. I can't help but to feel that with this departure will come a lot of change and opportunity for new, small beginnings. I have been asked by God to let go of a lot things. Pride, fear, relationships, expectations, my desires, hobbies, and my brokenness. Today during church the young woman speaking differentiated between "leave" and "lost". Looking back at these past six months, my mindset has shifted from perceiving my sacrifices as being taken and lost. That was an easier scenario to tell myself rather than admitting that due to my growing love for God I was choosing to leave behind everything I thought I knew. I didn't find power in distancing myself from people I cared about or exiting situations that were no longer serving me any good. To me it has seemed shameful to change and become unrecognizable and yet, THROUGH it all I have never let go of the vision that God had placed in my heart of what my next home should be. So many times I came close to settling and I applaud myself for being open minded to exploring other options. I may not know exactly what the next place I am being called to is but I do know that it is prepared and waiting for me and that I have what is necessary to head that direction. That all my needs and the needs of others around me will be provided for along the way and upon arrival. That is is okay to get excited and allow myself to wade in the wonder of the possibilities of what life could be and that the disappointment does not have to keep me down if I do not allow it too . God taught me that to protect my heart I don't have to harden it like a hard to pick scab and introduced better ways to disperse the excess noise in an anxious mind. My attentiveness had to tune into the Holy Spirit because if I wasn't listening I would not have heard the conductor's calls to prepare and board the train that would take me to my next destination.  Now the conductor has made his final call for boarding and the train will be soon leaving the station. I choose what is next because what came has served its purpose for now.

"Does your current pace of life look like that of  someone who actually wants to hear from God?"Pace can be defined as a consistent and continuous speed of walking, running, or moving. When I think of pace , my mind instantly goes to two places normally; either to how fast is the tempo of the music or what is my average speed for a duration of time while running. I am grateful for my time as an athlete and firmly believe that  my personal experiences have led me towards the exceptional trainer that I am becoming. The good and the bad taught me how to be relatable, resilient, respected, and critical (in whichever way you would like to take that). As we approach the middle of summer and Fall semester slowly approaching (Graduation), I can't help but  want to slam the brakes on life and take a pause. I used to think it was a vacation or a day off to myself that I desired . Then that expectation shifted into days where I just wanted to call a timeout from everything and anyone that needed something from me so I could reset my focus or take a nap and have a limit bit more energy to keep fighting life's daily battles. Now, I just want to remain in the peace of God 's presence. I found it. If you are searching for breakthrough and can't seem to find it- keep going. I can assure you, that you will get there and experience what I now know. It just takes showing up every day as the very best YOU that YOU think YOU can be.  It is easy to feel pressured to run a pace faster than you know you can properly sustain. Sometimes we get too comfortable or worried; maybe even excited and prematurely take actions that just seem to leave us burnt out or in a bad spot. For me, there are even days when I know that I deem my efforts to be insufficient despite it being my best capabilities and I don't hit the mark. On those days I fall short, I know that God is able to do the his Best work. When I am weak and not trying to do things in my own strength. I am learning to Honor him by being out of the way and remaining useful. Learning comes with trial and error, practice, failure, and persistency. Everyday I am not in the mood to learn a lesson and surprisingly, with time I have learned it doesn't have to be. Regardless, God has the been teaching me it is okay to run at my pace and He will be there every step of the way. If I ask, "Are You There God?" I find peace in knowing for myself, that the answer will always be Yes. It is my responsibility to remain in position to hear that subtle answer and the best way for me to do that is to run my race at my own pace.

"He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less"John 3:30To put God first before anything will be a lifelong lesson that I am okay with learning.Check out Alive Church online

Life changes every day and you have the choice to change with it or stay the same.Hello Everybody! I would like to present my two guest speakers, Troy Carter and Earley Young. This was the show's first time having a male on air and the first time hosting two guests at once.I would hate to  miss out on new,  amazing experiences and miracles because I didn't have the guts or the willingness to make changes. I don't want to be the same person forever and I don't want things that are outside of God's will for my life. Yet, I want assurance that the life I imagined for myself can be possible despite the changes that come; that the desires of my heart haven't been taking  up idle space in my mind.  I am learning to accept that flexibility and obedience are required to allow myself  to be used by God. To be committed in doing what is asked of me in His timing. No matter how I perceive the cost. I apologize in advance how the microphone was picking up surrounding sounds and our voices. I am proud of my guest speakers for sharing through the nervousness and for their honesty.

The purpose of this podcast is to simply let you all know that I am still here. It may seem like I've been absent but honestly I'm in plain sight working smarter rather than harder by simply watching and listening before doing.I bent but I didn't break. If God did it before he can do it again and do it better."The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning."Lamentations 3:22-23"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need."Luke 12:31

" Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance" 1 Corinthians 13:7This episode was released at a later date than it was recorded.  On May 8th, I verbally provided my victim statement at an expungement hearing for my rape case ( 3 years after it took place). My sexual assault was a heavy weight that I had been carrying for a long time prior to the Freedom encounter at church and I am grateful for all the young ladies and gentleman who supported me at my hearing. It was nice to have familiar faces and hugs to receive after the judge made his decision to grant the expungement ( he was definitely on my side though in his heart). I appreciated the encouragement, prayer, and love they gifted me. I know this is not the end of my story and my experiences will be a testimony to help others. It is unfortunate how poorly structured our judicial system is and the lack of preparation I felt leading up to my hearing even just seconds before it started. Despite, the uncertainty I showed up for 19 year old and 23 year old Caira in the best way I could. I can whole heartedly say that God held me up through that process and has continued to carry me in the days following. So many blessings are coming in and have arrived. Despite "losing" I feel as if I came out winning because I did... Love Won! When I left the court room and thanked God for all that he had done I received the most love I had ever felt in my life. I finally felt contentment in that moment after embracing each person and individually thanking them for the support they showed me. I fought a good fight and I was not alone. Praying friends are great friends to have. Thank you God for everything you have given me. Love never fails.

I am admitting it; I can not do life without Jesus. I need peace that surpasses all understanding! I need someone to have control of the things outside of myself because being responsible for me is a full-time job, costing more than it pays some days. I am grateful to be where I am in my life currently but to say it's been easy would be a lie. I am being transformed and who I will be on the other side is daunting and exciting. God please do a good work in me. Help my life show fruit that is evident of your presence in it. Prayer is a powerful thing and you have nothing without hope and love. God won't allow life to break you just leave you broken. He is a God of Restoration and will mold you into something better than before. He will even show you off to the world while smiling, pleased with what he has made. Everything of God is Good we just have to believe it and choose to see it.

"Stop trying to calm the storm. Calm yourself. The storm will pass"Having guests on the podcasts has been so much fun. I have enjoyed listening to other people's perspective on the topics I discuss. It reminds me that there are other people who understand what I am going through or have the answers to questions I have been asking myself and God.  I need to get back to doing things that allow me to feel grounded and connected. So this upcoming week I intend to find my way back to Caira and will be fasting. I just need to re-center myself and rest. Then I will continue to take strides in  the race God has set out for me. Take time to process your emotions in a healthy manner.Rachael will be launching her own podcast Love  Rae some time in May, so make sure you give her content a listen  when she publishes her episodes. I am proud of her for  creating a platform for her to share her experiences and perspective with the world. I admire her willingness to be vulnerable, grow, and give her insight on life.  I am grateful for development of our friend and will honor the position you have allowed me to have in your life to witness your healing journey and walk with Christ.

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"I would love to give a special thank you to Reighan Sheppard. She is the first guest ever on the Unsilenced Truths podcast and it was such a honor to have her. We had such an amazing time going in-depth on topics that had been weighing on our minds for awhile. Hopefully we are able to upload the full visual recording for you guys to watch. I enjoyed the process of creating a nice and comfortable set up. It was a pleasure to have intimate conversation over mugs of peppermint tea. I appreciate Reighan's professionalism and admired the way she presented her topics and expanded on them. Our conversation served as a reminder of the importance of having healthy connections and how relationships are our most important and accessible resources .

"It does not matter how slow you are going as long as you do not stop" I don't even know what message I was trying to get across to y'all this episode. I just wanted to share my story and where I am at mentally. Last week was definitely a high I never wanted to come down especially after coming out of such a dark time. I was reminded that just as the bad times don't last forever neither do the good. Things change in the moment but how you interpret the experience determined how you categorize it. I cried and cried yesterday. I didn't realize the anger that was stored up. Healing comes in waves and I am sure that it wasn't due to a total lack of a positive mindset but the fatigue I was experiencing mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. I needed rest. I was trying to maintain the momentum I had created for myself and wanted to use my productivity to the max. However, my body said other wise and once I physically could not do anything my emotions surfaced and well... I had swollen eyelids and dried snot on my face for 6-7 hours. In the process of trying to take care of everything else I neglected me and was mad that my  needs weren't being met through others. It is hard finding a balance of carrying what is yours and sharing the load. I find myself jumping from extreme ends of asking for assistance or isolating. I don't want to be too much or a burden, but on the other side of that coin I have no issue making it known my needs or seeking help from people who I trust can/would help me. It seems to me right now  relationships are weird and tricky but are my most valued resource. Communication and vulnerability is key. Closed mouths do not get fed.

Learn when to say no! April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month! While being assaulted is not your fault, you do have the responsibility of healing and finding a healthy way of moving forward. I encourage anyone who has been sexually assaulted to find someone safe to talk about your experience(s) with preferably a professional. Doing the internal work is hard but staying where you are at is even harder in the long run. You owe it to yourself to heal.God is so good. Lately, I have been trying to learn all the names of God and the meanings behind them. It helps me look at God as more than just a spiritual father and a provider but also a God of peace, the Almighty, a Shepherd and much more. I have been working on not limiting my beliefs in what God is able to show up and do in my life no matter how big or small. My God is a God of Miracles- one who is capable of doing more than I could imagine.Just because you can does not mean you should! Not every opportunity presented is one that should be taken advantage of. There is power in saying No. I am reminded that no is a full sentence despite only being one word. No is a sufficient answer without an explanation being provided.Don't abort the promise of your call for convenience. I said it slightly wrong in the podcast but that is what the episode description is for lol. Be patient in the process of preparation you will be grateful for everything you have gone through in the end. God shows his glory through you just be a willing vessel.

"The outcome is God's job, the obedience is yours"We have made it to a third season! I am so grateful for the opportunity to share my journey with you guys no matter what it looks like in the moment. I think this episode really speaks for itself. Open up your mind and eyes to signs that are being given to you daily. That tug on your heart just might be the nudge you have been waiting for to take action. Those soft whispers in your head with life giving thoughts that may seem to go against your norm can lead to quality of life better than you imagined. We constantly ask for signs and they could be the billboard you pass everyday on the way to work or a radio commercial you heard in  the car. It could be that piece of advice you refuse to take heed to because "it couldn't possibly apply to your situation". Don't box yourself in and be willing to take risks. The willingness to step out of your comfort zone into the unknown is daunting but when you have God on your side nothing is impossible. My obedience is the cross I have chosen to carry instead of the weight of the past and what was. Growing up I struggled with doing as I was told especially if I did not know the why, what or how. In season 2, I had to learn to trust God and move on his command wether I knew I was executing it right or not. Now as we enter season 3, I am learning to trust my own judgement and trust that God trusts Me with the assignments he has placed in my hands. I am not alone and I will not fail. Life is not perfect and there are many things I do not fully understand but I will remain in my lane and run my race. I am not running behind, instead I am right where I need to be. When I am obedient I am a vessel for God to work through and witness to his greatness. Within my obedience I am presented opportunities to share my testimony, live a life within His will for me, and I receive the answers to questions with the understanding that delayed does not mean denied. God's timing is perfect. God's provision is enough. God's love is healing and how comforting is it to know that someone who knows you better than yourself has plans for you to succeed! Success looks a lot of different ways but if you seek first the kingdom, everything else can fall into place."Obedience allows God's blessings to flow without constraint"Read Matthew 6

I am doing this for me...Life has been extremely hard lately, but every day I recognize the areas I have been prepared and where I am being prepared. Oddly enough, I have regained some of my joy back. Laughter does the soul wonders.This season has been full of accountability, breakthrough, self-discovery, and revelation. I grateful for the experiences despite the pain that came with refinement. I asked myself today, "Is it possible that love is enough?". The right type of love of course- straight from the source. "God is Love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them" (1 John 4:16). If the love we exhibited to ourselves and to each other was strictly based on the characteristics of what God says it is and not through the distorted perceptions of humanity, I think it would be enough. A Love that is patient and kind. A love that does not envy or boast and isn't proud. A Love that is not self-seeking, easily angered or keeps records of wrongs. A Love that does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. A love that always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. A Love that never fails (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).As this season ends and transitions into the next, I am reminded of God's faithfulness and have learned to trust Him and myself better. I want to give myself the best of me and do what is best for me. Changing the world starts with changing yourself and I  understand that I am called to shine and be a light to others. Anything is possible and I never want to forget that. I will love for I am loved. I will forgive for I have been forgiven. I will give for I have been given to. I am a child of God. I am. I can. I will. In Jesus name, Amen.

pivot (v) use with object : to modify (a policy, opinion, product, etc.) while retaining some continuity with its previous version.It is good to be intentional, create goals, and plan a course of action to have a direction to move towards in life. However, one's ability to pivot and redirect his or herself can assist with navigating change. God's timing is not reliant on the timeline we have created for ourselves. While planning and organization are great skills to have, it is important to be aware of how your steps are aligning with the circumstances you are currently in. What worked in one moment may not work in the next. The strategy you used in previous months may need to be updated for the season you are in now. It is easy to want to feel like you are supposed to be constantly doing something to ensure that life is going "right". Have you ever considered that despite all of your preparation things might still inevitably hit the fan? Ultimately, drastically changing your course in life. There is a saying "to plan for the worse and hope for the best". My dad tells me "your highest level of preparation is where you fall when things go wrong". Those two pieces of advice have been extremely helpful allowing me to approach life differently and elevate. Though I find myself most frustrated or caught by surprise when what I should be doing is nothing at all. "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). Certain areas of life are just simply out of our control and manipulating the situation for a specific outcome can do more harm than good. Patience is not always about how long you wait but how well you wait. Now I enjoy the extra downtime to do the internal work and some soul searching.In the particular example of connect four, I was so use to my winning strategy working that I focused on the execution of the strategy rather than watching my opponent's moves more carefully. "Lol. Yeah you were too locked in on your strategy" instantly became a reminder to not be so narrow minded or have tunnel vision. As a MMA fighter I should known better but life has a way of giving you nudges to re-evaluate your actions. Thank you Lando for being such a good friend, a source of encouragement, and a sound mind to entertain life questions. You are appreciated and I am grateful to have met you!

"Joy is a decision; a really brave one about how you are going to respond to life".In the beginning of the episode you heard me singing the worship song Gold  by Jesus Culture in attempt to strengthen my resolve and lean on God in a time of deep emotional pain. This past week or two I have been fighting depression. Which was difficult for me to admit to myself since I try my absolute best to not allow myself to easily fall into that dark pit. Sporadically throughout college and as a teenager,  I struggled with suicidal thoughts, depression, high functioning anxiety, and PTSD stemming from trauma including various forms of assault. I had all the tools necessary to get through these last several days bruised but not broken. I am grateful for community (small groups, friends, and like-minded people), the bible (instruction manual), healing (physically and mentally), music (so many talented artists and performers) and grit. These factors allowed this battle to be very different than what I am accustomed to. It was not the worse it has ever been, yet the fight to not give up on myself is what seemed to challenge me the most. I couldn't allow myself to slip away this time. I just needed to make it to the other side even if that meant taking life one breath at a time. Yes, I said breath.  My heart was so heavy but I reminded myself that I have to respond to life from my spiritual practice (Christianity) rather than my emotional programming. I needed God to help me stand firm in who we (Him and I) knew myself to be. Other people's opinion about me couldn't matter. I can only focus on how I felt about myself, my feelings toward others and how I chose to handle a life that only I was living. It is critical to be surrounded by people who can speak life into you. People who take time out their day to pray for you and let you know you're not alone. People who bring you solutions that not only help but heal you too. *I am publishing this episode a week after recording for reference* To allow yourself to fall apart for the sake of being rebuilt can be a very painstaking process. Though I was inclined to run away from uncomfortable emotions I continued to walk towards the unknown. Despite difficulties, I found gratitude in things big and small; acknowledging  the value in the experiences I was having. I wasn't trying to be in control anymore and had thrown my hands in the air in surrender.  I no longer desired the responsibility of completely controlling my life and everything around me (as if I could in the first place). Thank you those who allow me to fully let my guard down and remind me of my best qualities. Thank you to those who provide a safe space for me share my burdens and push me towards places of restoration. Life is not the most fulfilling currently and there are multiple lessons to be learned in that. The key is to keep dancing even if the music stops and move to your own tune."Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance. And if you get the chance to sit out or dance, I hope you dance" - Lee Ann Womack

PIO was definitely a much needed form of Self-Care and I am very grateful for the opportunity to go. While the conference was a week a way from my initial visit to Alive Church, after much encouragement and a series of unexpected events I made the decision to go and "seek first the kingdom". I attended with an open-mind and heart and witnessed how God is not only moving in my life but also in the lives of the other women throughout the room.What do you believe? I am learning now more than ever that what I believe is one of the most important components of my life. An interesting quote I came across read, "You will always choose evidence for what you choose to believe in". Please ponder that for a moment...

"Try not to  resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you.  Do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?" - unknownI have never been a fan of change and lately instead of fighting it I have chosen to embrace it to the best of my abilities. The best analogy I can think of to describe my approach to life currently is "My life is a movie that I am watching while also acting inside of it as the main character and reading my lines for the first time. You only get what one take  before it cuts to the next scene." Some roads  to change are easier than others offering a soft, gentle transition. Other times it feels like you're walking through fire praying to God that you won't get burned. Change can bring about the best moments in your life. You can meet new people who bring about peace and positive or find yourself geographically in area that you can explore. Change happens on the inside and outside. The way, you think, breathe, and eat matter just as much as where you work, the cleanliness of your home, and how you get to school.  However, it is equally important to be able to look in the mirror and learn to love what you see.Not everyone will appreciate how you change and the results of it. People will not always be able to see the fruit you bear from what has been sown. Don't lose sight of your vision and what God has shown/told you.The change I am facing seems bittersweet like a farewell that mentally I was not ready to give but my heart knew it was time. Within these changes I will remain hopeful and trusting.  Who I am is changing and I have lean into my faith  knowing that any difficulties I encounter  is a part of His plan for me. That the uncertainty I face does not mean God has wavered in his love for me, but instead that he loves me so much that the things I experienced before have equipped me for a time such as this; that this too shall pass and be used as a stepping stone towards an even greater purpose. Pruning hurts but so does staying the same when everything around me is changing. Thank you God for your grace and mercy. Thank you for seeing a purpose in me that I didn't and occasionally don't see in myself. Thank you for wanting what is best for me. Thank you for your protection against the seen and the unseen. Thank you for this life I am living and choosing me as one of your own.

"He loves you for who you are becoming because he sees you perfected through His Spirit working in you" -Melanie NewtonTo be dearly loved by God is quite honestly the most comforting thing I have to hold onto to in life right now. I am trying my best to be ROOTED and well established in genuine love, meaning to be grounded and stabilized in God's love for me- for all of us. To truly understand and believe that there is not anything I can do to be loved less or loved more. Oh, to experience a truly unconditional, impartial, everlasting, infinite, and perfect love (Richard Halverson).I have struggled my entire life to accept the idea that I am loved mainly due to how the people closest to me growing up expressed it. Then as I got older I had difficulties defining and recognizing healthy love patterns and establishing them for myself. I just knew feelings and often labeled them as good or bad  lacking stability in my life to know where those feelings stemmed from. Now being older, I have started my own journey to understand what Love is supposed to look like from myself and others. It has been difficult but this season of my life has  helped me answer questions such as "Am I loved for who I am and not what I do?", "Are the people around me aware of what real love looks like and do they exhibit it?", "Do I love how God loves and if not how can I take steps to do so?" and "How can I be more deeply rooted in love, especially when I am hurting?".I hope the  transparency of where I am at in life helps others find where they are too. It was not easy being honest about how I felt due to the fear of being judged or misunderstood. Things at times seem really confusing if I am being real. The people  that are closest to me, I love very hard and are the most aware of my struggles whether internal or external. Seasons change and so do people including myself... I am very sad at times thinking of what could have been when I remained hopeful for so long. I do understand that sometimes  what I am hearing as a "No" could be a " Not yet" from God , just as a delay is not a denial. Again to all the people I have told "I love you" looking back I know I really meant it and showed it the best way I knew how. I hope that I too can believe that those people dearly loved me just as much as they said they did.

"Every person you meet knows something you don't; learn from them"I'm in the process of restarting my heart because honestly it was not postured correctly for me to be in the most receptive state. Things (what ever they may be)  are going to hurt you for the rest of your life physically, mentally, and emotionally;  how you decide to heal from them is what allows forward movement. I realized that I've been in denial about certain areas that still needed some deep cleaning; spot cleaning my spirit was not enough. It is almost like your house... daily cleaning is nice and keeps your environment from getting overly messing but nothing compares to the refreshing you get from deep cleaning your living space. Spiritually I have been trying to overcome a lot alone because it seemed as if I didn't have anyone else to help me. I was lost and longing for a sense of community, specifically a community with the same values and desire to grow in all areas of life. I hope as I continue to heal myself I can be a vessel that leads other people to be led to their own healing. As much as I enjoy being a leader I can recognize when it is time to be a follower. Everyone deserves to experience true peace and love- I want to share that with others.

"Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible."I feel lately like my heart is hurting in ways my tongue wouldn't dare to let me speak. I don't know what seems to be holding me back. I know how I feel but who other than myself and God can truly understand the internal  battles I am fighting without the use of so many  words. I am struggling, yet in so many ways I am also thriving.  I can expect to live in moments of joy and peace, despite the storm surrounding me. I step away from confusion while leaning into the unknown. Both lack clarity but at least when I walk somewhere new I have the opportunity to expand and grow. I am thankful for new relationships and I am terrified to let go of the old. Some days I unclench my fists to release, relieve, and realize.  So much good is happening every day and I want to be able to see more of it in the world without being naive of the battles being fought around me - in me. I ask questions beginning with Why and How, when I need to be asking What. So many good things happening... That is what I will focus on. I don't ignore my hurt and instead remain patient in my healing. I know I am headed the right direction and will continue to remain steadfast in my growth (spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally).  When I feel like I am being crushed by the weight of the world I fall to my knees let it all out. I scream, cry, and allowing trapped emotions/ thoughts to spew out to the man above. I know the Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in the spirit. If anything is certain, it is God keeping his hand on me; walking with me day in and out. Hopefully, the next episode I can have the freedom to speak my truth a little bit better, but for now let's be patient with Caira together. Celebrating where I have been and where I have yet to go. Thank you!

Over the years I have learned various things about myself, one of those being that I am a "why" person. Even on rare occasion I love to ask the question "how" in order to better understand the process of how a situation began in one place and has progressed its way into another. Recently, I have come to the realization that it  isn't my job to understand how every minute detail comes together. If I had the ability to understand the big picture all the time, I would probably drive myself crazy. Trust in God and yourself is built in navigating the unknown while confidence in your ability to make it through the difficult moments develops as you overcome all the challenges in life that seem to want take you out from under your feet. Growth by no means is linear.  At times it is hard for me to recognize when I have grown in a particular area because it doesn't match the story I have created for myself in my mind; to me the best moments are when I am finally able to see that I am living out a season that turned better than I originally imagined it to be. Some days I feel like I'm crushing it to only be humbled in the next moment. Life is really about embracing the highs and the lows and finding appreciation in both while also showing gratitude for the seasons when you are in that sweet middle. I am just grateful that my life is not my own and that God has taken care of me every single step along the way. I am thankful for the people who have supported me and will continue to make space for more new things to come.

No longer pissed and still positive. MLK weekend gave me a reality check in all areas of my life.  Things have been a bit foggy in my head. Slightly confusing at times. It genuinely seemed like I was driving on a dark, narrow highway with dim headlights but thankfully I made it to my destinations safely. As I was listening to the recording I realized I started a story and never finished it, so be ready for me to come back around at the end and sliding in the rest of the story in (Hahaha)... <--- how did you read that? Anyways, life can be rough but always find/make time to laugh and smile. I appreciate those who asked "When are dropping the next episode?" it kind of pulled me out of my "funk". I didn't know what I wanted to say and felt like there wasn't room in my schedule to speak to guys; boy was I wrong. I tried some new things while recording this ( change in environment, glass of wine, video recorded episode) and it was definitely more of my usual vibe. It didn't seem so serious and I felt-light hearted sharing what's been going despite how tiring my day was. I am really proud of not giving up on my goals and allowing my vision of my future to expand and be more inclusive. I am grateful for the hard things I go through and the peace/joy the good times bring. I am proud of me.

Can you be pissed off and still have a positive mindset? I am asking a genuine question... I have been running into block days these past few days with my courses for the Spring semester. Roadblocks are inconvenient and quite honestly annoying, so what do you do when you can only go forward and turning back isn't an option? I apologize in advance if the audio is a little loud in some areas. Your girl was highly upset but prior to recording I did some breathing exercises, listened to some praise music and got right with Jesus, ate a snacky snack, and really asked myself what am I wanting to say this moment. I was angry y'all and I am not ashamed to admit. The things I am struggling with will pass like all things and I know I need to stick to my guns and continue to fight for my goals/dreams. Nevertheless, we will honor my anger (which is neither good or bad in my opinion) and allow Caira to release some tension for the next thirty minutes. Thanks in advance!***Also I didn't go kayaking,  take a nap , or do more school work. After I finished recording I got a text from my job asking if I was on the way. I was scheduled to work and had mixed up the days. Sigh... so much for time management but hey good things can still happen today.***   

**Trigger Warning**It's a new year and a new season of Unsilenced Truths! Why is it a new season you may ask... I don't know it just smelled like a fresh start in the air ;) This episode I opened up about my sexual assault from 2020 and the impact it had on my life. What prompted this topic was my desire to be a bit more transparent about some of my  darker life experiences but also watching the interview I did with Jalaycia and @thesocialrecipe (on instagram) in light of Sexual Assault Awareness month (April). I appreciated the platform that I had been provided to speak my truth and spread awareness about being assaulted because that had truly changed my life. It got worse before it got better but new positive experiences and habits have stemmed from this which I have gratitude for. In watching that interview, I realized that it was my first time mentioning the idea of having my own podcast *wink wink* and the underlying theme we discussed was being open and vulnerable enough to speak MY truth. A truth that I had felt was being silenced by the company I worked for, a past significant other, my own fears and doubts, and my peers ( people wanting to protect and stand by my assailant). Navigating how to take legal action was very difficult and ultimately, my case was dropped due to lack of evidence. Everything was effected from my graduation date (medically withdrew from classes multiple semesters) to me temporarily giving up on my passion of being a personal trainer. I fell to alcoholism and smoking weed to cope with the anxiety, depression, grief, and lack of self-esteem. However, with time, patience, friendship, counseling, solid support, perseverance, and God I am in a much better place than I was before mentally, physically, and emotionally. Hell... even spiritually. I admire my resilience and courage. I have grown beautifully despite the roller coaster ride of healing and life. I am grateful that my story can help others and I hope Sexual Assault Awareness month means something to you now without it having to actually happen to your or a loved one. Thank you...

"Somehow I just can't say enough how much I appreciate you being in the world""I think one of my favorite feelings is laughing with someone and realizing halfway through how much you enjoy them and their existence" "Find somebody who shares your definition of love"This episode here honestly made me feel like throwing up for the majority of the time I was speaking. It was scary and little embarrassing sharing this however,  after recording I had a sudden sense of peace. I often get nervous at the level of vulnerability I allow on this podcast but hey it is called Unsilenced Truths for a reason. Please be kind..... I did not have an intended direction with what I was saying; the goal was ultimately to get some feelings off my chest and a few spinning thoughts out of my head. Love sounds so different depending on who you ask to describe it. I often find it difficult to get clear guidance in the Love department of life because how it is experienced and demonstrated is extremely subjective to each individual. Two people in the same love story can experience in two entirely different ways. Love to ME has  appeared in many ways with numerous definitions but thank you God for a clear illustration of what it ACTUALLY looks like (1 Corinthians 13). Thank you for anyone who has given/ showed me their love and to those who I have told "I love you" I hope you know I meant it.