032: what ACOTAR teaches us about self-love & the neanderthal who proved humans are kind

This week, we explore two surprisingly connected stories: a powerful moment from Sarah J. Maas's A Court of Thorns and Roses (ACOTAR) series and the real-life story of Shanidar 1, a Neanderthal whose survival became one of the earliest known examples of human compassion. Arns reflects on a difficult season of anxiety, self-doubt, and healing through the lens of ACOTAR's unforgettable Mirror of Ouroboros scene—a moment that asks whether we can truly love ourselves when confronted with every flaw, fear, and shadow we carry. Meanwhile, Nins shares the remarkable story of Shanidar 1, a disabled Neanderthal who lived more than 40,000 years ago and survived against impossible odds because his community chose to care for him. His story offers compelling evidence that empathy, kindness, and mutual care have always been part of what makes us human. From fantasy literature and self-forgiveness to anthropology, evolution, and the history of compassion, this episode explores what it means to hold ourselves—and each other—through life's hardest moments. Topics discussed: Sarah J. Maas, ACOTAR, A Court of Thorns and Roses, A Court of Wings and Ruin, Mirror of Ouroboros, self-love, self-forgiveness, anxiety, mental health, healing, Shanidar 1, Neanderthals, anthropology, human evolution, compassion, empathy, friendship, personal growth, and emotional resilience. 0:00 - Intro 5:14 - Arns: ACOTAR 36:06 - Nins: Shanidar 1 56:00 - Outro Referenced in this episode: A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas A Court of Wings and Ruin (ACOTAR #3) by Sarah J. Maas @oddpride on TikTok: "Neanderthal Shanidar 1: Love Without Reason" @oddpride on TikTok: "Shanidar 1 Fossil Mystery: Why Is It Gone?" oddpride website Smithsonian Institute’s website on human origins Lietava, Ján (1988). "A Differential Diagnostics of the Right Shoulder Girdle Deformity in the Shanidar I Neanderthal". Anthropologie. 26 (3): 183–196. JSTOR 44602496 Join the brb crying community—a heartfelt, cozy comedy podcast about friendship, vulnerability, emotional storytelling, and all the movies, books, music, and life experiences that leave us in tears. Follow us: » Instagram: @brbcrying.podcast » TikTok: @brbcrying.podcast » YouTube: @brbcrying.podcast Want episode recaps, behind-the-scenes/community updates, and occasional emotional damage delivered straight to your inbox? Sign up for our newsletter at brbcryingpodcast.com. Have a sob story or cry recommendation that absolutely wrecked you? We'd love to be wrecked, too. Submit your story at brbcryingpodcast.com or email us at [email protected]. brb crying—hosted by longtime best friends Nins & Arns—is a podcast where we explore the songs, books, TV shows, films, pop culture moments, and personal stories that help us laugh, cry, heal, and feel a little less alone. Crying is our superpower, and by sharing what makes us cry in a way that makes us laugh, we show how crying helps us connect with ourselves and each other.