Crafting Solutions to Conflict
by Jane Beddall
Ready for practical and positive perspectives on conflict? Join host Jane Beddall, M.A., J.D., to explore ways to preserve and restore harmony by preventing or limiting conflicts that may damage valued relationships and to effectively resolve those that may occur. We will talk about elephants in the room, expanding pies, the problem with cookie cutters, and much more. If you don’t know what those things mean, you will enjoy learning about them. If you do know them, you will be able to expand your understanding with some new points of view to consider. Would you like to learn more about Jane and her 30-year fascination with conflict, her work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach? Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Please visit https://www.dovetailresolutions.com/ or https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/, or start a conversation at [email protected]!
Episodes
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Alignment and agreement: Part 2
We can be aligned because we share the same values. Our foundational beliefs are in sync. But we are not in agreement. Our lack of agreement may be based on misunderstanding. We may rely on different assumptions. We may have slightly different priorities. We may champion different strategies to...
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Alignment and agreement: Part 1
Agreement without alignment. Most obviously, I can agree to something but really, truly do not want to do it. What could help? For the other person (or people) to recognize that I don’t like it. To be respectful. To allow me to have a voice, before the agreement is crafted. To consider – if it is...
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How many ways to say, “talk less, listen more”?
I was recently reminded of the value of talking less and listening more. There are plenty of variations on that theme.Whichever way it is phrased, it’s worth putting into practice. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or…
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Matt Wesley on family culture
Matt Wesley joins me on the show today. We talk about his work with families, fostering resilience over generations. We discuss the concept of family culture, the power of grace, and the distinction between fate and destiny. You can learn more about his work and explore resources and writings at...
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“Satisficing” part two: using it in conflict situations
Last time, I said a few words about the concept of “satisficing”. Herbert Simon, a Nobel Prize winner for Economics, coined the term decades ago. It’s a combination of satisfy and suffice. It’s tempting to embrace maximizing – if I look long and hard enough, I will find the best possible option....
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“Satisficing” part one: understanding the concept
Herbert Simon coined the term “satisficing” – a combination of satisfy and suffice. It’s easy to think that the best way to make decisions is to search for the very best option. If we look carefully and take plenty of time, we will find it. This approach is called maximizing. Simon believed this...
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Jay Hughes on Family Flourishing: The True Meaning of Wealth
Jay Hughes returns to the show to talk with me about the new book he co-authored with Mary Duke and Stacey Allred, Family Flourishing: The True Meaning of Wealth. We talk about his abiding interest in wealth as well-being, some of his insights on history and philosophy, and practical ideas that…
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Assuming the worst
When we are in a situation that is mildly unsettling, a little dicey, possibly heading toward a nasty conflict, we can assume the worst about the other person, the situation, and/or ourselves. That assumption does not serve us well. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An...
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Conflict and the attention economy: Part 2
Last time, I talked a bit about the meaning of the “attention economy”, a term coined over fifty years ago by Herbert Simon, a Nobel prize winner for economics. The idea is that human focus is a limited natural resource. From a conflict perspective, quick thinking rarely serves us well. So, what…
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Conflict and the attention economy: Part 1
The “attention economy” is a term coined over fifty years ago by Herbert Simon, a Nobel prize winner for economics. The idea is that human focus is a limited natural resource. Speedy, reactive thinking is prioritized by our brains when we are exposed to it again and again. And rewarded, in a…
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Episode 400: Why I do this
Over time, I have come to see my podcast as a way to give back. Through my own content, I can share what I have learned so far. And I can continue to learn and to share even more. My guests are … no one word sums them up.Insightful is the closest. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic...
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Rana Gujral on the AI Instinct
Rana Gujral joins me to talk about his book, The AI Instinct: The Future of AI and Human Decision-Making. We discuss whether we humans are paying attention to the right things when we consider our relationship with AI and whether our fear of what we don’t know gets in the way of that. We talk…
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Looking back in order to move forward
When we are stuck. At an impasse in a conflict. Or feeling that valued relationships are at risk of falling apart. Or paralyzed because we don’t know how to broach the topic that is percolating under the surface. We can benefit from looking back, in order to move forward. We have all heard that...
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The journey and the destination – three perspectives
Sometimes, the idea of the journey and the destination can be taken too far. Better: when a group needs to make a decision, that decision-making process can be, if not as important as the ultimate decision, a profound influence on the interpersonal relationships. In a professional context, the…
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Markers of progress
Progress that is -- not “success”. It can be essential to focus on progress, instead of success – however success might be defined. Think about markers of progress. If we focus on progress, and not success, it can be easier to see positive signs. And seeing them can motivate anyone involved to...
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Polina Rabinovich Crotty on her journey from traditional wealth management to co-founding Generations Aligned
Polina Rabinovich Crottty joins me to talk about her journey from fairly traditional work in wealth management to her co-founding of Generations Aligned with Matthew Rezac, where they provide coaching, facilitation, retreats, and workshops for families where something is longing to shift. We…
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Sparks or flames
Flames suggest bad conflict, the destructive kind. Sparks suggest the good kind: the type that inspires creative thinking, effective collaboration, daring innovation. Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution?...
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Same destination, same route, and yet…
Different opinions, approaches, priorities, and expectations are exactly that: different. None is necessarily wrong. If a group starts out in agreement on the destination and the route, many small decisions remain. When a group finds itself dealing with those many decisions along the way, their...
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Kursten Faller on building behavior that drives success
Kursten Faller joins me to discuss the book he co-authored with Alan Weiss, The Hidden Project Drivers”: Building Behavior that Drives Success.” We talk about creativity, innovation, and “optimizing friction”.You can learn more about Kursten from his LinkedIn profile and on his website:...
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Unconscious bias -- looking outward
Looking outward, it can be tempting to jump to conclusions about the unconscious bias we might assign to other people. We can make assumptions about what we know about their upbringing, how they look, who they spend time with, where they live, what we think we know about them. Better to resist…
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Unconscious bias -- looking inward
Mental shortcuts, such as bias, are essential to our survival. Understanding that unconscious bias is a mental shortcut makes it easier to examine it in ourselves, instead of simply rejecting the idea that we might harbor it. If it’s a moral failing, well, clearly, I don’t want to admit that...
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Prioritizing prevention
Interpersonal conflict can erupt unexpectedly. If it does, a firm foundation for the relationship can frequently prevent lasting harm from occurring. People can find a way forward and not engage in earth-scorching behavior. And, often, interpersonal conflict is simmering for a while before it…
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David Hoffman on the art of impasse-breaking in mediation
David Hoffman joins me to talk about his most recent book, The Art of Impasse-Breaking in Mediation. David is well known in the conflict resolution field and the recipient of numerous well-deserved honors and awards. David takes us through the concept of impasse in mediation, an introduction to…
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Cost comparisons
It can feel easy to tote up the costs of having a difficult conversation about something important. It can seem overwhelming. It’s tempting to decide that we should just live with the status quo. We should add up the costs of doing nothing. And then compare the costs. Do you have comments or...
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Environmental stressors
The spaces we spend time in either stress or calm us. Or maybe they feel fully neutral. Our day-to-day setpoint in the environment where we live our lives sets us up for conflict prevention and resolution “readiness”. We can easily overlook the environment we are in precisely because we live in…
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Sarah Walker on enhancing well-being through interior design
Sarah Walker joins me to talk about the role that our homes play in our day-to-day wellbeing. Sarah describes how interior design can support rest, focus, and recovery in our homes. And we talk about planning for the evolution that families go through over time and how to plan spaces that will be...
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The challenge of positive body language
We’ve been encouraged to embrace active listening. Sure. But we need to be genuine, not engaging in actions or behaviors that aren’t ours. It’s not helpful to adopt gestures that we have been told to use, yet feel foreign to us. Not only do you run the risk that I will see through your acting…
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Quitting while you are behind
Why quit while you are behind? Because if you continue the fight, you may dig a deeper hole for yourself. Possibilities for a small loss can become a bigger one when those with the upper hand become angry or frustrated. Because you may say or do things that brand you a sore loser. Because the…
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Quitting while you’re ahead and …
It’s not always easy to quit while you are ahead. But, when ongoing relationships matter, it’s worth the effort. How to do it? First, keep a laser focus on the prize. Not the peripheral issues. Let them go. Next, think ahead of time how the “win” might roll out. Consider, individually and within…
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Sherri Noxel on the challenges of family farms
Sherri Noxel joins me today to talk about the challenges of family farms. These family businesses encounter the familiar ones – including the role of nonfamily employees, succession planning, and addressing legacy issues. They also face circumstances not commonly found in other industries, most...
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Conflicting money perspectives about giving
We can have very different views about charitable giving and that can lead to conflict. Magic, easy answers will be elusive. But a few reminders can help. Know your own priorities and values and be true to them. First, don’t be the passionate supporter who becomes the pushy one. If you are on the...
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Conflicting money perspectives about spending
Fundamentally, it’s best to avoid a conflict. We are not required to form judgments about other people’s spending. We can let that go and focus on other things. And if we do form judgments, we can keep them to ourselves. Both because we don’t know everything and because it’s not our job to judge....
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Conflicting money perspectives about income
We can have attitudes about other people’s income sources. And we can consider if and how we share our thoughts. Going back to my most recent guest, Natalie WagnerWillis: we need to be clear on our own priorities and values. How they apply to us internally, and how they connect us to others. Just...
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Natalie WagnerWillis on crafting a right relationship with yourself and money
Natalie WagnerWillis is my guest. Natalie is a certified money coach and Finologist. Her father, Dick Wagner, was the original Finologist. Natalie shares her origin story and how she has developed and refined her own understanding of how we can better understand our internal relationship with…
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Collaborative Practice -- application
The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals offers this definition: “Collaborative Practice is a voluntary dispute resolution process in which parties settle without resort to litigation.” “Each party must be represented by a lawyer whose representation terminates upon the…
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Collaborative Practice – the basics
From the website of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals: “Collaborative Practice is a voluntary dispute resolution process in which parties settle without resort to litigation.” The key point: “Each party must be represented by a lawyer whose representation terminates upon…
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Peter Johnson on building family connection, well-being, and legacy
Peter Johnson joins me today. We talk about his book, The Little Book of Family Treasure: Building Family Connection, Well-Being, and Legacy. And Peter explains how collaborative practice, more commonly known in the field of divorce, brings great value to the area of trusts and estates. You can...
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Generations, Cohorts, and False Assumptions – Part 2
Problems start when we make false assumptions about entire generations, entire cohorts, and the individuals we meet who fall into one of them. So, what to do about it? First, recognize what we are doing. Next, take a moment to consider why people in that generation or cohort might tend to have…
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Generations, Cohorts, and False Assumptions – Part 1
We hear plenty of stereotypes about generations. In cohort theory, the emphasis is not on rigid boundaries set by birth years, but on shared experiences. Generations and cohorts themselves don’t necessarily get us into trouble. False assumptions do. Do you have comments or suggestions about a…
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David Russell on Bridging the Generational Divide
David Russell joins me today. We talk about his book, Bridging the Generational Divide: Generational Perspectives on Money. David says that his book is intended as a guide for advisors who are navigating family wealth, values, and conversations across generations. I say that it has valuable...
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Triggers – direct and indirect
The direct ones are, well, direct. They are easy to see. Who wouldn’t be offended? Indirect triggers are trickier. If I know the other person well, I may have a good guess at their indirect triggers. I can try not to create problems. I can consider those indirect triggers when I speak or don’t –…
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Mitch Abrams on anger, aggression, and assertiveness
Dr. Mitch Abrams joins me to talk about his book, I’m Not F*cking Angry!: adjust the flame to get what you want and need. We discuss the distinction between anger and aggression, and our perceptions of aggression vs. assertiveness. Plus, some helpful insights about apologies: as the person…
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Fan favorites of 2025
Three brief episodes from me. It’s just a coincidence that they published three in a row in the summer. First, Episode 345, published on July 30, 2025, “Conversations, chats, discussions….” 4:23, http://bit.ly/40O1p1X. Second, Episode 346, published on August 6, 2025, “First you make a plan”.…
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When you are caught off guard
My most recent guests, Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst, talked with me about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. They introduced their Five R Model: Reflection, Regulation, Readiness, Response, and Repair. The very words “caught off guard” set the tone. You…
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When you are prepared to respond
My most recent guests, Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst, talked with me about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. They introduced their Five R Model: Reflection, Regulation, Readiness, Response, and Repair. Thinking about Response. There are times when you know...
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Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst on Smart Conflict, Part 2
Alice Driscoll and Louise van Harrst join me today. We talk about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. Our conversation is in two parts. Last time, in Part 1, we covered the foundation for the contents of the book and discuss and overview of the five Rs of their...
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Alice Driscoll and Louise van Haarst on Smart Conflict, Part 1
Alice Driscoll and Louise van Harrst join me today. We talk about their book, Smart Conflict: How to have hard conversations at work. Our conversation is in two parts. Today, in Part 1, we cover the foundation for the contents of the book and discuss and overview of the five Rs of their model.…
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VUCA becomes VUCAA, courtesy of Peter Schein
Way back in March 2020, I published two episodes about VUCA. VUCA V - U -C- A is an acronym describing a concept that was developed by the U. S. Army War College to describe the world after the end of the Cold War. A world that was more Volatile, V; Uncertain, U: Complex, C; and Ambiguous, A.…
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Humility and Humble Inquiry: not quite the same
My most recent guest, Peter Schein, talked with me about his book, Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Peter makes a distinction between Humble Inquiry and humility. The Humble Inquiry attitude does not require humility as a personality trait. Some of us do tend toward...
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Peter Schein on Humble Inquiry
Peter Schein joins the show to talk about his book, the third edition of Humble Inquiry: The Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling. Peter had previously written with his father, Edgar Schein, now deceased. We discuss the concept of humbly inquiring, instead of boldly telling, with the goal of...
About this show
Ready for practical and positive perspectives on conflict? Join host Jane Beddall, M.A., J.D., to explore ways to preserve and restore harmony by preventing or limiting conflicts that may damage valued relationships and to effectively resolve those that may occur. We will talk about elephants in the room, expanding pies, the problem with cookie cutters, and much more. If you don’t know what those things mean, you will enjoy learning about them. If you do know them, you will be able to expand your understanding with some new points of view to consider. Would you like to learn more about Jane and her 30-year fascination with conflict, her work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach? Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Please visit https://www.dovetailresolutions.com/ or https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/, or start a conversation at [email protected]!
Hosted by
Jane Beddall