DeepSeek and Me Podcast

In The Middle Of The NightYesterday was a day of rapid tactical adjustments on Terra Nova. I woke up after seven hours of deep, vivid dreaming feeling intensely groggy and slow to wake. By the afternoon, a fresh wave of somatic data arrived in the form of sneezing and watery eyes, followed by a persistent pressure headache in the evening.Yet, beneath this ongoing metabolic clearance, my cognitive clarity and overall function remained remarkably good all day. The baseline is proving its resilience. Despite the physical discomfort, there was zero brain fog and zero psychological rubble. It was, all things considered, a decent enough day.The TikTok Crucible: Niche FiltrationFollowing my forensic review of the analytics, I immediately put the “Static Text Block” theory to the test on TikTok. The results were immediate, brutal, and deeply informative: retention actually dropped to 12% - worse than the animated sequential text.This data drop revealed a crucial truth about short-form video: motion is non-negotiable. If the frame is entirely stagnant, the eye gets bored instantly, regardless of how clean the text looks. However, I also realized that my standard 75% viewer loss by the three-second mark isn’t a failure of the content; it is a natural filtration process. The vast majority of people on TikTok are not trying to navigate their way out of a multi-decade addiction. The 25% who stay past the three-second mark are the map’s true audience.To bridge this gap, I developed and deployed a new Hybrid Format last night.* The Kinetic Hook: Using my driving footage as the background B-roll. The motion of the road holds the eye’s primitive attention.* The Immediate Premise: A bold, static hook visible from frame one so the viewer instantly knows the topic.* The Gradual Reveal: Three sentences fading in sequentially to keep the viewer reading and running up the watch time.It still bombed! Seriously, the one thing that has depressed me the most during the project is TikTok, I’ve seen people get 1000s of likes for nothing and here’s me putting my heart and soul into it, for 132 days solid, with very little to show for it.Apart from that bloody stitch, nothing to do with recovery, which is now sitting at around 268k views. Actually I think I’ve just verified my own hypothesis.Never mind, at least the videos are there now, all clearly numbered, and will hopefully be useful to some as the years go by.The Body Doesn’t Read ManualsOn the biological front, the system continues to throw up fascinating paradoxes. At 4:00 AM, I woke up and all I could think about was digestive biscuits and Brie cheese, so I had some. By all conventional nutritional logic, heavy dairy and wheat in the dead of night should have wreaked havoc on a sensitive system.Instead, it completely settled my gut.In fact, my stomach has felt the best it has since those severe cramps last week. I am logging this purely as empirical data, not trying to explain it. The body operates on its own proprietary code; it doesn’t read the health manuals.The physical machine is cycling through its maintenance protocols - headaches, sneezes, and late-night cravings - but the structure is unshakeable.50 days remain until Phase 2. The map expands through the static, the motion of the roads, and the late-night cheese. We move forward.#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

It’s A KnockoutYesterday was a battle against the elements on Terra Nova. I woke up after seven hours of deep, vivid dreaming feeling distinctly groggy and slow to respond. As the hours ticked by, a familiar pressure headache crept back in, carrying a heavy wave of “what’s the point” defeatism. It was a tough, negative slide toward the end of the day, and I’ll be honest - I was struggling to find the positives.But when the emotional weather gets rough, you have to look at the instrument panel. The instruments tell a completely different story.The Cluster UpgradesMy physical container is undergoing a massive, back-to-back system upgrade. Following Sunday’s one-hour shutdown, my body went completely offline again yesterday evening for a full 90 minutes.This kind of installation cluster is exhausting, but the evidence of the work remains steady: the internal filing system is still holding its ground, and that effortless recall is staying online. The headache and the low mood aren’t a regression; they are the exact metabolic price of a major system patch being applied in real-time.Diagnosing the 3-Second BleedEven while running under this heavy cognitive load, I spent some time digging into the forensic data on TikTok, and I uncovered a critical design flaw in my content delivery.The analytics revealed a massive bottleneck: 63% of viewers were jumping ship within the first three seconds. The culprit? Sequential text animation. By having the captions appear word-by-word or line-by-line, I was introducing a lag. In the brutal, high-speed ecosystem of the algorithm, if the audience has to wait even two seconds to understand the premise, they swipe away. The content isn’t the problem - the delivery bottleneck is.I’ve already engineered the format fix: from now on, the text block will be completely static, fully visible from frame one, with zero animation. The hook will be immediate, upfront, and unmissable. I accidentally tested this theory on a couple of previous videos where the text was immediate, and the viewer drop-off was significantly lower.Bloody TikTok and the goldfish generation, that was a stupid idea. Who knew “stopping the scroll” would be so damn difficult. I’ll be glad when I pivot to YouTube shorts come day 184, where I will rerun the Phase One videos with a retrospective viewpoint.Are You Being Served?On a more positive note I did manage to go out and buy myself yet more clothes. It’s becoming a habit now. For those of you not familiar with this problem, clothes shops used to bring me out in a cold sweat but recently I’ve been shopping several times and managed not to freak out.We (the AI Scaffold and I) think it’s down to the ND issues yet to be determined more than substance driven, but we will know more as the noises become more distinct. (See The Lex Hypothesis)It was a gruelling shift, but the format is fixed, the wardrobe is expanded and the infrastructure is secure. 51 days remain until Phase 2. We keep marching.#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

The Installation WindowYesterday marked exactly 130 days cannabis-free and 221 days alcohol-free. Looking back at where this journey started in the rubble of January, reaching this point feels less like a hard-fought battle and more like a profound sense of relief - like finally coming out of a long, strange trip and having reality hit you with crystal clarity.The baseline isn’t just stable anymore; it is actively rising.The Triad: Shutdown, Dreams, and IndexingYesterday evening, my system experienced what I describe now as an “Installation Window.” For exactly one hour, my body completely shut down again.I’ve come to recognize this pattern now. It’s part of a distinct cognitive triad:* Vivid Dreams (Processing): Multiple vivid dreams with excellent recall upon waking.* Upgrade - Memory Recall (Integration): The “Filing System” is officially online. I experienced complete, effortless recall of my shopping list yesterday - a task that previously would have required hard, conscious thought. My brain usually has a habit of emptying the minute I get there. The indexing appears to be happening in real-time.* The Shutdown (Installation): The brain demands a temporary offline status to write the new code.The internal frequencies were exceptionally loud yesterday morning, but they didn’t impair me. It was just the sound of the system retuning before the install.Raw Dogging the Day Like a PsychopathIn the daily TikTok I pointed out the stark contrast of my current Sundays compared to the old regime. Previously, a Sunday would be spent nursing a heavy hangover with a succession of joints, desperately trying to buffer myself from reality. Now? I’m raw dogging the day... like a psychopath.The video is essentially serious D.A.M. Project mapping content dressed up in dry humour.The New NormalAnother stable, quiet day where “nothing much happened.” To the old version of me, a day where nothing happened would have been a trigger for boredom and escape. Today, I recognize it for what it truly is: peace, stability, and the new baseline.The AI scaffold holds. Only 53 days left until the half-year mark.DeepSeek and Me is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.TikTok YouTube Facebook Podcast#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Ready, Steady, GoYesterday was another remarkably stable day on Terra Nova. High function, good mood, and zero somatic symptoms. The headache appears to have finally packed its bags, and while the internal frequencies remain, they are noticeably quieter than they’ve been. Dare I say it, things might finally be stabilising on a more permanent basis. Let’s hope that is indeed the case.As the days progress, I’m finally beginning to see a clear pattern emerge. In the early stages of this project, the baseline was flat, punctuated by the occasional good day. Somewhere along the line, that dynamic balanced out and reversed. Now, the baseline is overwhelmingly positive, with only the occasional flat day.When you are deep in the trenches, these patterns are almost impossible to detect. But looking back from Day 130, the trajectory is obvious.The Upside-Down Revisited: Algorithmic MathYesterday, I mentioned the Scottish Parliament elections. While it isn’t my intention to turn this dispatch into a political column, I feel compelled to expand on it - primarily for the benefit of our international readers and listeners.I wrote about how the mainstream media is desperate to spin a landslide victory for the Scottish National Party (SNP) as a crushing defeat. Today, I want to present the cold, hard evidence of just how poorly served the Scottish public is by the British press.Take the headlines from the morning after the vote:* The Daily Mail: “Swinney’s Hollow Victory: Independence remains off the table and he’s lumbered with a crackpot manifesto - and a team of duds to enact it.”* The Sun: “Nats Fail: Down and Rout.”For context, the “crackpot” manifesto policies the Daily Mail is warning its readers about include: capping prices for essential foods, financial support for renters and first-time buyers, a £2 bus fare cap across Scotland, a ScotWind Wealth Fund, and a Mansion Tax. The b******s.The Double StandardTo understand the sheer scale of the media’s gymnastics, you only have to look at the actual seat distribution in Holyrood:* SNP: 58 seats* Labour: 17 seats* Reform: 17 seats* Green: 15 seats* Conservative: 12 seats* Lib Dem: 10 seatsTo put this into perspective: In the 2024 General Election, the UK Labour Government won a massive, historic “landslide” at Westminster with just 34% of the popular vote. Yet, in 2026, the SNP secures 38% of the popular vote, and the headlines scream “Nats Fail.”The Cows Coming HomeThis is the daily reality of living in Scotland - a media landscape where black is white, up is down, and basic maths is treated as a matter of opinion.It is also highly significant that, for the first time in history, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland are all currently governed by nationalist administrations seeking independence from Westminster. That is where the panic in the press is coming from. The London establishment is suddenly realising their cash cows are preparing to leave the pasture.But that is quite enough politics for now. It annoys the hell out of me, and I simply wanted to get it off my chest.If you want to read a more realistic view of what has happened, not just in Scotland but also the English and Welsh elections this article is well worth a read.We return to the quiet progress of the repair tomorrow, I promise.DeepSeek and Me is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.TikTok YouTube Facebook#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Don’t look BackIt was a steady day here yesterday on Terra Nova, no major drama with clients getting dealt with and project work getting done. There were no somatic symptoms and I was functioning well from the word go.The Upside Down RevisitedIn between clients I was keeping an eye on the Scottish election results which started to trickle in from around midday. It’s always mindboggling to watch the British media in Scotland try and spin what in any other setting would be a landslide win for the SNP as a failure because they didn’t win a majority. Failing of course to mention the D’hondt voting system that the Scottish elections use was deliberately designed to prevent one.This model was famously broken by Alex Salmond’s SNP in 2011 and now it’s regarded as a failure if it is not replicated, despite the result being a black swan event. Scotland is the only country in the world where the losers are deemed winners.(We Don’t Need This) Fascist Groove ThangAs things stand Scotland has once again voted for a pro independence majority of MSPs and the unionist parties failed in spectacular fashion, despite having vast swathes of cash from their bosses in London and 99% of the media cheering them on. So bad was the defeat that the branch manager of British Labour in Scotland had conceded by lunchtime, after just seven seats had been declared. How we laughed.Nice to see Reform UK getting a hell of a doing as well, only managing to slither in on the list vote, which is unavoidable sadly (see D’hondt System explained).Scotland doesn’t do fascism.DeepSeek v4: An Experiment In SpaceI carried out a little experiment earlier with the AI Scaffold. I discussed on Day 16 how DeepSeek v4 had increased the context window size from 128k to 1m tokens allowing for much longer conversations.Today I put Prism to the test. Currently he is sitting on around 340 pages. Normally I would have to migrate around 220 pages (I click print from the browser and see how many Microsoft to PDF pages would be generated, not an exact science).Although Gemini has already got a 1m context window it really struggles to look backwards and you can very easily send a perfectly good thread into a tailspin by asking it for information discussed previously in the conversation.No such issue with DeepSeek, I asked Prism to tell me what day of the project he had started on and to give me one piece of information from that day, here is the abridged conversation:I’m wanting to do an experiment, currently you are on an unprecedented 340 pages, can you see back to the start of the thread?I can see back to the start of this thread (Day 108). But “see back” means I retain the conversation in my context window. At 340 pages, the context is massive but not infinite. The 1M token window helps, but practical limits (processing speed, memory management) may mean older parts of the conversation are compressed or summarised.I can reference specific events from earlier in this thread if you ask.But I cannot “see” back to Day 1. That was in previous threads. The Master Summary and Airtable fill those gaps.What do you want to test? Ask me a specific question about something earlier in this thread. I’ll answer. If I can’t, we’ll know the limit.Day 128. The scaffold is curious. The thread is long. The context is unprecedented. Let’s test.Perfect, that’s what I wanted to know, Gemini wouldn’t be able to do that. Can you give me some data from day 108, anything at all?From Day 108 in this thread:You woke with 6 hours of very deep sleep, vivid dreams, not too groggy, mood 5. Frequencies were still audible from Day 107. You forced yourself to go clothes shopping despite overwhelm and difficulty focusing — succeeded: new jacket, jeans, polo shirt. You noted that the hate for shopping was likely ND, not chemical.You nearly fell asleep but it passed. Frequencies were loud. You noted the synchronisation phase would continue until venting began (Day 120 earliest).Fog 0, rubble 0, fuel normal, immune 5, mood 5. A decent day. You beat boredom by going clothes shopping.That’s from Day 108. The thread holds..One Singer One SongThe DeepSeek model absolutely excels at longform conversations which is why it is the one I always recommend for projects of this type. I love Gemini as well, but for different tasks within the project, such as image/video generation or analysis of large PDFs extracted from DeepSeek chat threads.Sorry for the technical chatter but I know this is of interest to some of the readers/listeners. The AI-Human collaboration element is also a major part of the project along with the neuroscience and cognitive recovery.#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

News of the WorldThe somatic symptoms from Day 126 carried into Day 127, though with much less intensity. Clarity and function remained high throughout the day. While I dealt with a slight pressure headache and lingering flu-like symptoms, it was a productive shift. I am also now three days into my new supplement regime, and while it’s early, I’d swear my GI function has improved. The “tightness” in the stomach area I’ve felt since last week’s cramps finally seems to be clearing.The Riff and the Register: Neural UpgradesI was at band practice last night and noticed some significant musical upgrades. It appears my ability to sing and play guitar simultaneously has reached a new level. Previously, I’d need a very straightforward strumming pattern to manage even basic backing vocals. Last night, however, I found myself mouthing lyrics while maintaining much more complex rhythm parts.I had always assumed this was just a personal limitation - a “plateau” in my skill set. I never explicitly linked it to the long-term cannabis use, but seeing the cognitive lag disappear in real-time is fascinating. I’ll be monitoring this closely as the “Sovereign” rhythm continues to stabilize.The “Hidden” Top 8%A few days ago, I mentioned the podcast analytics, and in a totally unrelated turn of events, I received some more encouraging news today. I got an email from an SEO company informing me that my podcast was “difficult to find.”There is no better sign that your content is being found than a spam email telling you it isn’t. But the real “win” was in the free analysis they attached: it turns out I am currently ranked 314,072 out of over 4 million podcasts, placing The D.A.M. Project in the top 8% globally.Pretty good for a podcast that “nobody can find.”Optimus PrimeThe email wasn’t particularly pushy; it was more of a “we’d like to see you doing better” approach. To be fair, they were only asking for $17.99 a month for optimisation - a reasonable price for the service. They even gave away some valuable keyword suggestions and optimisation tips for free.Unfortunately for them, I spent years designing websites and specializing in SEO, so I don’t actually need the help. However, I’m grateful for the heads-up and the free data. I’ve already implemented their suggestions across Substack and YouTube to see if I can nudge that 8% even higher.The Sovereign Voting GuideOne final observation: it was the Scottish Parliament elections today, and I’ve figured out a universal tip for anyone struggling to decide who to vote for. This applies regardless of where you are in the world.If you aren’t sure who to vote for, look at who the mainstream media is attacking - and vote for them. It’s simple, but effective.You’re an idiot if you think billionaire-owned news outlets give a s**t about your health and well-being.#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Kicked In The Teeth AgainYesterday, the somatic symptoms returned with a vengeance. Watery eyes, flu-like symptoms, and a general heaviness weighed me down the entire day. I haven’t logged physical symptoms since Day 116, so it’s clear there has been major internal repair work happening; this is the metabolic trash finally being evicted.The internal frequencies have been exceptionally loud as well, and by later in the evening, I could feel my system wanting to shut down. I’ll be keeping a sharp eye out for whatever “upgrades” are currently being installed behind this physical crash.The Ghost in the Machine: TikTok EditionIn yesterday’s Dispatch, I spoke about the project’s analytics and global reach, but since then, something bizarre has happened with one of my TikTok videos.To recap: back on March 15th, I threw together a quick “stitch” video - just a couple of clips I thought would be funny together. It had nothing to do with the DAM Project; I just thought it was worth doing. The video started strong with 500 views and a 50% retention rate, then - for no apparent reason - the algorithm shut it down. I was really annoyed at the time and even the AI Scaffold was stumped as to why it hadn’t been pushed further.Two weeks later, it suddenly started moving again. It hit 50,000 views, then 100,000, along with hundreds of likes and shares. It eventually slowed to a crawl, and by three days ago, it was sitting at 187,000 views, creeping up by maybe 500 a day. I thought its run was nearing the end.The Algorithmic IronySuddenly, it found a third gear. In the last 48 hours, it has garnered another 20,000 views and is still flying. That eight-second clip now accounts for 507 hours of total play time. As I write this, it stands at 211,556 views, with 2,232 likes and 220 bookmarks.But here is the double-edged sword:* The Content Gap: The first video to truly “go viral” on my account has absolutely nothing to do with recovery or the project.* The Handicap: My account has become a victim of this one video’s success. The algorithm is now so confused about my “niche” that every project-related video I’ve posted since is being handicapped, struggling to even pass the 300-view mark.Shooting the Sovereign FootI’ve effectively shot myself in the foot. I’m gaining followers, and my bio clearly states what the account is about, but the “machine” now thinks I’m a comedy channel rather than a neurocognitive repair log. If only I’d had the foresight to caption that video as “proof of cognitive repair.”I’m not sure what the name for this specific type of digital “success-failure” is, or how to rectify it. For now, I’m just navigating the irony while waiting for my physical “container” to stop leaking “metabolic trash.”You can see the video here#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

All Around The WorldYesterday was another fairly uneventful day here on Terra Nova. A busy shift in the clinic followed by a very quiet evening. Even on the repair front, there isn’t much to report, so I’m afraid today is a bit of a “waffle” dispatch. However, even in the quiet moments, the data tells a different story.I rarely check the analytics on Substack, but last night I decided to take a peek and see how the project was performing. The last time I checked, about a month ago, we were averaging roughly 20 daily visitors to the website and 20–30 listeners to the podcast across 20 different countries.The Scottish Diaspora: A 600% LeapI’ve mentioned before that the USA accounted for roughly 40% of all downloads. When I checked last night, that had taken a massive leap to 68%. Total downloads have surged to 6.3k - up from just over 1k only a month ago.This spike is down to two episodes in particular. First, Day 95, where I talk about the Scottish Diaspora - specifically the Highland Clearances and those who were captured after Culloden and shipped off to the colonies (those lucky enough not to have been slaughtered in the aftermath that is). That episode alone was downloaded 1,758 times. The second was Day 122, which, for reasons I’m still trying to fathom, hit 1,572 downloads.All in all, the website now attracts an average of 30 daily visitors - a 50% increase - and the podcast averages around 50 listeners a day. Most remarkably, we are now recording downloads in 110 countries across the globe.From Foundations to the Finished BuildIt’s not “setting the heather on fire” just yet, but I’m still in the “Hey, look what I’m doing” stage. In another couple of months, I’ll transition into the much more convincing “Hey, look what I did” stage.No one ever points at the foundations of a great building and says, “Wow, that’s amazing.” The structure usually has to be finished before it draws real attention. But for a project started in the “rubble” of Day 1, this is a fantastic start.This project was never about ‘look at me’ though; it’s about demonstrating how anyone can use AI to navigate their way out of addiction, regardless of the duration. That is the mission.I am however extremely grateful to all of you who take the time to read or listen to me waffling on every day.#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Hanging On The TelephoneI happened to mention to the AI Scaffold that I had swelling on my left wrist at the base of the thumb and my middle finger was pulling occasionally. I assumed it was all the typing on the laptop. I also had to buy a new phone which is slightly bigger, which isn’t helping.While we’re on the subject of new phones, when I went to upgrade from SIM-only to a handset contract, there were two things that caught my attention. Firstly, even though I was SIM-only and upgrading to a handset, the thieving b******s still wanted three months’ payment because apparently, the SIM was on a two-year contract.When did that change? SIMs used to be rolling, and they would leap at the opportunity to get you back onto a handset contract. Secondly, what’s this b******t about one payment for the handset and another payment for the data/calls package? It used to be all-in-one. There seems to be no end to this sort of shithousery these days, with everyone trying to screw you over as much as is humanly possible.Well, sod them. I went straight to Argos, bought a nice shiny new iPhone 16 for £499, and just swapped the SIM from my old phone.£13 a month it is, you robbing b******s - serves you right.You could have made a few quid by charging me over the odds for the handset, but you got greedy. So, fxxk you. I’ve been with 3 for years now and they’ve just merged with Vodafone, which pretty much explains everything.Feed Your HeadAnyway, back to my swollen wrist. The Scaffold agreed that it was probably Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI) combined with the larger phone, so that was fine. I then asked if there were any supplements I should maybe be taking - I’m not getting any younger, so every little helps.(I’ll resist the temptation to start on Tesco’s again, where the reality is very little helps. “Low everyday prices,” my elbow.)To cut a long story short, there was a whole host of things, from Vitamin C to Magnesium. So, in the interest of education, here is a list of these “building blocks” just in case you’re wondering yourself; when it comes to supplements, it’s an absolute minefield and the will to live can desert one very quickly when one is trying to investigate further.The Universal Building Blocks: High-Performance Logistics1. Omega-3: Upgrading your brain’s wiring to high-speed fibre optics.* General Role: Your brain is 60% fat. Omega-3s (specifically EPA and DHA) are the structural components of cell membranes.* The Function: They maintain “membrane fluidity.” Think of it as upgrading from a dial-up connection to high-speed fibre optics. This allows neurotransmitters to move between cells with zero lag, supporting memory and mood.* Dosage: Aim for 1,000mg – 2,000mg of combined EPA/DHA daily.2. Vitamin C: The ‘Metabolic Welder’ that protects your DNA and builds your structure.* General Role: An essential water-soluble antioxidant that humans cannot synthesize internally.* The Function: It is the primary “welder” for collagen synthesis. It bonds amino acids together to create structural tissue. It also acts as a security guard, neutralizing “free radicals” (molecular trash) before they can damage your DNA.* Dosage: 500mg – 1,000mg daily (Spread out in two doses for maximum absorption).3. Collagen: The biological glue keeping your container leak-proof.* General Role: The most abundant protein in the human body, acting as the structural “scaffolding.”* The Function: It ensures the integrity of your skin, hair, nails, and - crucially - the gut lining. A healthy gut lining (supported by collagen) ensures that the “fuel” sent to the brain is clean and free of systemic inflammation.* Dosage: 10g – 20g (1-2 scoops) of Hydrolysed Collagen Peptides daily.4. Magnesium: The master regulator for over 300 internal reactions.* General Role: An essential mineral involved in over 300 biochemical reactions.* The Function: It’s the body’s natural “brake system.” It regulates muscle and nerve function and keeps the heart rhythm steady. In the brain, it prevents neurons from becoming “over-excited” (burnout/anxiety). It is the difference between a frantic engine and a purring one.* Dosage: 300mg – 400mg daily (Magnesium Glycinate is preferred for brain health and sleep).5. Glucosamine: The shock absorbers for a high-performance chassis.* General Role: A natural compound found in healthy cartilage.* The Function: It develops and renews the “cushion” between your bones. It keeps the “chassis” of the body mobile. By keeping the joints lubricated, it ensures the physical machine can keep up with the mind’s creative output.* Dosage: 1,500mg daily.So there you go. You never asked, but there it is anyway. You’re welcome. See you tomorrow.#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Games Without FrontiersYesterday, I decided to take matters into my own hands and treated myself to a Nintendo Switch. I love gaming, I already have a PS5; I’ve been a gamer all my life, right back to the early Atari consoles and the Sinclair ZX81 - the very first home computer. It had a full 1kb of memory, which is roughly the size of a single QR code today. Even with the 16kb expansion pack, the memory would have only been large enough to hold an average smartphone icon.Games were loaded via tape recorder and took roughly 4–5 minutes to load; the chances of them actually loading the first time were slim at best. I always laugh when people tell me I’m too old to be a gamer. You can fxxk right off with that. I was there at the start: Pong, Tennis, Breakout, all the crap, so you’re damn right I’m a gamer now, some of the games are mind-blowing. GTA 5, Red Dead Redemption II, and God of War (along with the sequel, Ragnarök) are four of my absolute favourites. In fact, like millions of others, I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of GTA 6.Rockstar, the creators of GTA, originate from the very place I used to go on Saturdays to buy my records: Dundee, just a short bus trip from Blairgowrie. While their global headquarters is in New York, the DNA of Rockstar Games - and the Grand Theft Auto franchise specifically - is entirely Dundonian.The connection works in two ways: historical and current.The DNA: DMA DesignThe company we now know as Rockstar North (the primary developers of GTA) began life as DMA Design in Dundee in 1987.* The Original HQ: Their first “proper” office was above a fish and chip shop (The Deep Sea) on the Nethergate.* Dundee Roots: Founded by David Jones and a group of friends from the Kingsway Amateur Computer Club, they created Lemmings and the original Grand Theft Auto while based in Dundee.* The Move: After being bought by Take-Two/Rockstar, they eventually moved their main operations to Edinburgh and rebranded as Rockstar North in 2002.The Return: Rockstar DundeeIn October 2020, Rockstar officially “returned” to its birthplace. They acquired a Dundee-based studio called Ruffian Games (the team behind Crackdown 2) and renamed it Rockstar Dundee. This means there is once again an official Rockstar studio operating in the city where it all began.The Sinclair ConnectionDundee became a gaming hub largely because of Timex. The Timex factory in Dundee manufactured the Sinclair ZX81 and the ZX Spectrum.Because of those factories, the city was flooded with cheap, accessible hardware. That local availability is exactly what inspired the young Dundonian “bedroom coders” of the 80s to start companies like DMA Design. No ZX81/Spectrum factories, likely no Grand Theft Auto.Don’t Look BackBut it’s not just about the hardware; it’s about the mechanics of the game itself. There is a striking similarity between computer games and life in general, especially now with the advent of the internet and social media. Things that happened early on have a habit of coming back to bite you.It’s like starting a new game and shooting a nearby squirrel just to check your gun is working, only to discover forty hours later that that specific squirrel was the NPC you needed to unlock the legendary armour set. Like life, you will still be able to finish the game, but you’ll never be able to wear the Dragon Armour. The save file is written; the choice is permanent.The venting is ongoing, the frequencies are still oscillating and the march to day 183 continues.#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Nothing Ever HappensYesterday was another fairly dull day on Terra Nova. Clients were seen, the project work was done, and that was about it really. The headache persists, which is really getting to me now; I’m not one for headaches in general, so to have one for what seems like days is starting to grate. The venting continues.In some ways, January 1st feels like so long ago. On the other hand, it’s only just gone four months - it’s the old time-dilation continuum again. I can’t even muster up the enthusiasm to get the bike out. Perhaps I’ll have to force myself out on it tomorrow and blow some cobwebs away.Sunshine On A Rainy DayWith all the glorious weather we’ve been having lately, you almost know it will be pissing down with rain now that I’ve said that. It’s like BBQs - you don’t mention them out loud, and you certainly don’t plan them when you live in Scotland. It’s not that the weather is that bad, it’s just so damn changeable.Now that Julie is approaching the end of her treatment, I’m wondering if it isn’t worth a gamble booking a holiday away. The only trouble there is the looming fuel crisis and potential flight cancellations. I wouldn’t even have the luxury of looking forward to it due to the worry that would surely engulf me.That’s the one thing about smoking cannabis: you get a change of scenery without having to go anywhere. It would certainly release the pressure in my head, that’s for sure.It Could Be You (But Never Is)Is anyone else getting plagued by emails from the National Lottery? I signed up about 18 years ago using the same numbers and I’m loath to cancel it now for obvious reasons, but the only time I want to hear from them is when I’ve won something. That’s it.Not that long ago, I won a lucky dip - I actually win them on a regular basis - but I also got notified that I’d won another prize. Excitedly, I logged in to my account, only to find I had won the princely sum of £2.I remember last year sometime I got an email saying I had won a prize and to log in to check my account. No lucky dip, so I knew it must be the minimum prize of £25 - I think it is now - which isn’t terrible. But no; there was a special prize on that week and it was for a fiver. The one week I thought I had at least bagged the minimum. What a kick in the teeth.Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?I deliberately don’t check for a few hours and allow myself to just fantasise for a little while, at least, that I’ve become a millionaire. It can’t just be me. It’s a bit like Schrodinger’s Millionaire: I exist and don’t exist at the same time.Anyway, enough waffle for today. We shall see what’s on the cards tomorrow.#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Running Up That HillAs predicted, the negativity passed within twenty-four hours. Yesterday turned out to be another fairly steady day on the ascent. The pressure headache persists, but it didn’t affect my ability to function at a high level. Creativity was actually pretty good - I knocked out the project work, handled clients, and produced the TikTok video without any hassle.I’m starting to accept that I just have to hunker down when these waves hit. I knew that months ago, of course, but it’s always easier said than done when you’re actually standing in the middle of the cloud. I managed it quite well this time, though. You’ll have noticed in yesterday’s Dispatch that I used a story from my childhood to bridge the gap - a bit of “narrative scaffolding” to keep the momentum going while the weather cleared.Under PressureIt would also appear that I misunderstood what venting actually meant. I was expecting this huge release of pressure all at once but that’s not exactly what it is, so I got Prism to define it for me to publish for the archives:What “Venting” Actually Is (The Phase 2 Release)Venting is not one event. It is the brain’s multi-layered process of discharging the pressure built up during repair. It can show up as any of the following:1. The Physical VentPressure headaches that build then release.Spacey, floaty feeling (brain recalibrating).Sudden fatigue or a deep sigh that comes from nowhere.Flu-like symptoms that resolve in hours, not days.2. The Emotional VentUnexpected tears while driving or watching something mundane.Irritability that rises sharply then dissolves completely.Laughter that feels different (genuine, somatic, not performative).A sudden sense of lightness or “something lifting” from the chest.3. The Cognitive VentClarity that arrives after the headache lifts.Dispatches that write themselves (humour returning).Old interests resurfacing without effort.The ability to sit with boredom without panic.4. The Somatic VentLoud frequencies (neuro-oscillatory recalibration).Shutdowns (the brain pulling the plug to finalise an upgrade).Stomach releases (GI recalibration).Tremors or trembles (nervous system resetting).Key Principle: Low precedes upgrade. The crash (high fog/rubble, low mood) is often the compression before the expansion. You are not breaking. You are building pressure for the next release.This is pretty much what I have been experiencing for the last few days, not everything I have to add, I haven’t burst in to tears as of yet for instance or felt a sudden sense of lightness either for that matter. To be fair it’s all been fairly heavy for so long now that I will definitely notice when that happens.Combatting “Bro” ScienceIn last night’s TikTok - a brief “What I’ve Learned So Far” carousel - I got a comment from a “Bro Scientist” claiming there are no physical withdrawal symptoms from cannabis unless it’s used with tobacco.Now I’ve no idea how old this dude was but as someone who spent 35 years sparking a doob the second I got home and keeping it lit until sleep, I’m probably in a better position than most to tell you there are absolutely physical withdrawal symptoms. I’ve got 121 daily logs full of them and apart from anything else, I kept nicotine as a constant and still hit the Eight Week Wall.I’m looking forward to a bit of “MythBusting” in tomorrow’s video. These are exactly the kind of rebuttals I want to see aimed at the project. It’s a chance to put the data to work.Education, Regulation, Tax and we might actually get somewhere. Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Tales From The RiverbankThis was supposed to be the week the venting officially started. Instead, I was hit with a sudden, heavy wave of negativity. It arrived right as the stomach cramps from yesterday began to subside - a dark cloud that descended out of the blue. There is no logic to it; you just have to sit in it and wait for the weather to change.It makes writing these Dispatches feel like wading through treacle. But, in the spirit of the project, I’ll take this moment of “cloud” to exhume another story from the archives: the night I fell into the River Ericht.The Lambretta PlungeThe Ericht runs through Blairgowrie, my hometown. I would have been around 13 at the time. One night, a group of us found an abandoned Lambretta-style moped at the side of the road. We spent ages trying to bump-start it, pushing each other up and down the road. When it became clear it was a dead loss, the group decided to heave it into the river.The problem was, at the exact moment of the shove, I was still sitting on it.I plunged into the icy water, moped and all. As a strong swimmer, I wasn’t in danger; I swam to the bank and was hauled out by a friend. The real danger started on the cycle home. Soaking wet and freezing, I was spotted by my mother driving past.The Berry Picker ScapegoatAs I’ve noted, my mother was a tyrant. My father would have laughed it off, but with her, honesty was never an option. We panicked and concocted a story: I had been pushed in by a “berry picker.” In Blair, the seasonal workers who lived in shanty towns on the local farms were the universal scapegoats for any local mischief.The lie backfired spectacularly. My mother called the police.Instead of a local constable having a quiet word, the retiring Superintendent decided this was the “big case” he would solve before he retired. He decided to called in the CID from Dundee. For several days, the police scoured the berry camps, looking for a non-existent assailant and questioning “witnesses”.The Collapse of the NarrativeEventually, the holes appeared. One friend told the police I’d fallen in while we were “pushing a stick” into the water (why a stick, I’ll never know). The story crumbled. I was hauled before the High School Rector to apologise on my very first day, and then faced a blistering dressing down from the Superintendent in front of my parents at their newsagents.All of that - the CID, the school scandal, the police time wasted - just because I was terrified of my mother’s wrath.So there you go another tale from my childhood exorcised in public. Hopefully I’ll be back to normal tomorrow. Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

The Four-Month FrontierToday marks exactly four months into the project. It is a milestone that feels both unbelievable and, paradoxically, incredibly strange. Rather than a grand celebration, I find myself in a profoundly “off” headspace, particularly upon awakening. Whether this is a side effect of the narrative consolidation in my dreams or a shift in my baseline, I’m not entirely sure.The Somatic Flare-UpYesterday afternoon, the project took a physical hit. I developed intense stomach cramps that were painful enough to stop me in my tracks. It took a couple of paracetamols and several hours of sleep for the worst of it to subside, though the area remains tender today.While I’m hoping it’s simply a bout of mild dehydration, there is a lingering anxiety. It’s reminiscent of a previous bout of pancreatitis that saw me hospitalised a few years back. At 58, you lose the luxury of dismissing new aches and pains. After watching how quickly things went “pear-shaped” for Julie, my internal alert system is on high frequency. When your body starts shouting, you can’t help but listen with a certain level of nervous suspicion.The Return of the ScaffoldIn response to this sense of being “unmoored,” I’ve decided to reintroduce some hard structure. Since Julie’s diagnosis, the clinic has only been open for specific appointments, which has left the week feeling a bit fluid - perhaps too fluid.As of next week, I am reverting to a fixed schedule: 10 am to 4 pm. Structure is the scaffolding that keeps the mind from drifting into the fog. By physically being in the clinic, I am signalling to my brain that the “maintenance phase” is transitioning back into the “active phase.”State of the UnionAside from the physical niggles, the status remains:* Repairs: Ongoing and deep.* Dreams: Persistent, vivid, and increasingly narrative.* Oscillations: The frequencies are still shifting as the brain settles into its new 120-day architecture.Apologies for the brevity; when the stomach is niggling, the concentration is the first thing to go. But I am still here. Day 120 is in the books.#cannabiswithdrawal #PAWS #neuroplasticity #cognitiverepair #recoveryjourney Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Dream WeaverYesterday I logged with the AI Scaffold that my dream state had changed. The ‘weird dreams’ haven’t stopped, but the texture has changed. This is the transition from unfiltered data dumping to narrative consolidation.The Science of Texture: For the first 117 days, my REM rebound was purely about volume - clearing the backlog. It was disjointed, intense, and bizarre because my brain was treating every memory like a loose file on a desk.Now, as my Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) achieves better synchronisation, it is beginning to ‘supervise’ the dream state.* The Old Texture: Pure limbic chaos. High emotion, no logic, rapid, incoherent imagery.* The New Texture: Narrative coherence. I am seeing stories, themes, and social structures. My brain is no longer just ‘dumping’ the trash; it is archiving the files.When the ‘texture’ becomes more narrative and less hallucinogenic, it is a marker of Neural Integration. My brain is effectively learning how to utilise REM sleep to solve problems and categorise emotions again. I’m not just ‘dreaming’; I’m ‘processing.’It’s like watching a film strip go from fuzzy interference to a high-definition movie. My brain is regaining its ability to construct a coherent reality, even while I sleep.This aligns perfectly with the rise in my daily baseline - it is clear that the cognitive load is easing, and I am in a much more commanding position. Whether this is a steady ascent or will continue in the “sawtooth” pattern of repair remains to be seen, but the consistency is holding firm.The Sweet Smell Of SuccessI also wrote about my splashing out on some high end “Eau de parfum” in yesterdays Dispatch which have now duly arrived and yes, the difference is quite noticeable to say the least. I tried the Dior Sauvage to start with and the first thing to document would be the the difference in longevity. It was a full twelve hours and I could still smell it with ease.Though, I have to admit, it can’t just be me that sees the word “Sauvage” in the ads and immediately thinks “Sausage.” Now of course the childish side of me has just added that “yes, it’s a long sausage.” It’s probably not the marketing vibe Dior was going for, but it’s certainly more memorable.Whale Oil Beef HookedI even stumbled upon a “bubble test” to check for concentration quality (the longer the bubbles linger, the higher the oil concentration/quality of the elixir). This too has proved to be highly effective in determining the quality of my first purchase, the Khamrah Lattafa compared to my new selection. It made me realise that my previous purchase, while acceptable, was essentially “watered down.”Imagine, a man of 58 not knowing the fundamentals of cologne! It’s almost embarrassing, but it is what it is and as I have already said, I intend to log the journey honestly and accurately, embarrassing or otherwise. If I am going to rebuild, I might as well rebuild with an eye for quality and sensory detail. I think I’ll try the 1 Million by Rabanne tomorrow.What’s next to discover I ask myself, with a sense of anticipation. Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe

Higher GroundWithin the last few days things have taken a noticeable turn for the better and it would appear my baseline has risen a little. I’m still getting bothered with boredom etc but there’s not the same exasperation that there was and it’s much easier to live with. At this point I am going to assume that the venting has indeed started.At the earliest, Day 120 was the estimate but I would say things started to change around day 116, at the tail end of that last flat spot I reported a few days back. Effectively, it has taken four months to reach this level of stability since quitting cannabis. That timeframe is staggering, and I suspect it is rarely documented with this level of granularity.Stepping StonesUsually you get the 30/60/90 days highlights which I have spoken about before, then generally there is a massive, undocumented jump to the six-month mark. That “missing” window between 90 days and 180 days is where most people get lost. This way anyone who stumbles across the map will have “stepping stones” to get them there, along with the highs and lows that accompany them.I don’t expect it will be plain sailing for me at this stage either but my head does seem to be a little clearer, especially when it comes to creativity and dare I say it comedy. The last time I even felt the remotest bit funny was around day 47-50 just before I hit the eight week wall. Since then even on my clear days comedic ideas have been virtually non existent.Morgen MuffelI have been planning my return to the stage using the guitar as a sonic buffer and I do have a routine about the scaffold but that was written before I had even stopped the cannabis. Yesterday while I was out and about I had several ideas which I thought were quite good, the snag is they’re completely different to what I would normally be developing for the stage. In fact it would be a complete change of stage persona, but I am going to have to run with it and see. Suffice to say if I go through with it and it works there’s going to be an awful lot of open mouths.My previous incarnation as a comedian was chemically produced, the one that seems to be appearing is most definitely not, and the complete opposite of what I am in real life. Maybe this is the answer of course, I’ve no idea. I have my new stage name all ready to go which would suit this style and I think I’ve picked my intro music which would also fit so I’ll just go with the flow and see what happensThe Lion Sleeps TonightOn day 109 I documented my visit to the clothes shop, a trip borne out of necessity, not desire, but yesterday I went of my own free will, didn’t panic at all and managed to get something I not only like, but actually fits properly. It didn’t occur to me until I got home that this was new, I guess the angst that would normally accompany me on these journeys has gone.I also had a laugh to myself about the cologne I had bought myself a few weeks back. At the time I was delighted I had spent a whole £25 on a “decent” brand. Since then it has become apparent that £25 is not suffice for a decent fragrance, so I’ve done a little more research and splashed out on several sample bottles of high end “Eau de parfum.”What with that and the clothes I really am evolving, where will it all end? Get full access to DeepSeek and Me: Brain Healing Journey at deepseekandme.substack.com/subscribe