Doing it Messy

What happens when you stop making life decisions based on what everyone else expects, and start asking whose life this actually is? Ruth shares the personal story behind The VIP Mindset, why values like Freedom and Matatika reshaped her choices after burnout at 29, and announces a new interview series, On Her Own Terms, spotlighting women who've built values-led lives outside the expected script. A conversation about obligation versus intention, for anyone questioning burnout, midlife change, or what a values-led life actually looks like from Aotearoa New Zealand.

 This is the full story of how a self-loathing people-pleaser with undiagnosed ADHD became the founder of VIP Mindset: the burnout, the slow unravelling of a life that never fit, and the field of period pain where this whole podcast began. I don’t tell you this to say I got it right. I tell you because I know what it’s like to feel like something’s off and not know how to change it.

Have you ever put something off because you assumed there would always be time?In this episode, I’m reflecting on knowing what we want, building towards the opportunities we hope for, and being brave enough to take the leap when they arrive. From saving for a future home and taking singing lessons to jumping into cold water to see turtles and starting the dance floor in a gold sequin gown, this is a gentle reminder not to spend so long preparing for life that we forget to live it.And if you’re worried about what people think?Wear the rhinestones anyway.www.thevipmindset.com

What does it mean to choose who you want to be, even when you know you’ll never get it perfectly right?Today I’m sharing a story about a childhood friend, a moment I wish I’d handled differently, and the loss that changed the way I try to show up in the world. But ultimately, this episode is about something bigger: identity, and the choices we make about who we want to be.Because we don't have to be perfect. We just have to know who we're trying to become.Who are you choosing to be today?Content note: This episode includes discussion of suicide and grief

Short descriptionWhat if feeling stuck isn't about needing to try harder? What if we're simply being pulled in so many directions that we've stopped making deliberate choices about where we're going?In this episode, Ruth explores the difference between living by choice and living out of obligation, and asks one simple question: Does this actually matter to me?A practical, honest conversation about getting off autopilot and creating a life that actually feels like ours.

A friend named a number for what she was capable of — and it made me realise how small I’d unconsciously made “possible” for myself. This one’s about seeing what others can do without falling into comparing yourself to them, and what happens when you actually get curious about your own ceiling.🔗 Designing a Life You Love, 19 August — thevipmindset.com/design-a-life-you-love-workshop

Have you ever caught yourself wondering, Is this really the life I want?Maybe you've found yourself daydreaming about quitting your job, moving overseas, buying a boat, or starting over somewhere completely different. Or maybe you've stayed in situations far longer than you've wanted to because change felt too hard.In this episode, Ruth explores the importance of giving ourselves permission to keep choosing the lives we're building. She shares reflections from a challenging week, why knowing our own tendencies matters just as much as knowing our values, and introduces a simple exercise she calls The Dream Life Project to help you start creating a life that feels more like your own.If you've been feeling stuck, restless, or unsure where to start, this episode is for you.✨ Ready to take the next step?Join Ruth's upcoming online workshop, Design a Life You Love, where you'll explore your Values, Identity and Priorities, and begin creating a practical roadmap towards a life that feels intentional, aligned and uniquely yours.🔗 Register here: https://www.thevipmindset.com/design-a-life-you-love-workshop https://www.thevipmindset.com/design-a-life-you-love-workshopIf this episode resonated with you, please share it with a friend or leave a review. It helps more women discover the show and start designing lives they love.

This week Ruth explores te whare tapa whā, a model of health and hauora by Sir Mason Durie. She discusses what she’s trying right now, and why habits and community matter more than getting it right every time.

We hear the phrase work-life balance all the time—but what if the problem isn't balance at all?In this episode of Doing It Messy, Ruth questions why we've been taught to place work at the centre of our lives, with everything else squeezed into the margins. Through personal stories and gentle reflection, she explores the power of intentional choices, the trade-offs we all make, and how creating a life you love starts with asking one simple question:What am I choosing?If you've ever felt like life is happening to you rather than being something you're actively creating, this episode is for you.🎧 Plus, download the free Ten Minutes to Reclaim Your Life worksheet to help you reconnect with what matters most. The link is in the show notes.Remember: progress over polish.

Some weeks you don't get polished — you get real. This one's about choosing presence over perfection, protecting what matters (hi, parkrun and Alignment Circle prep), and figuring out which balls actually bounce.

**When Ambition Changes**What happens when the life you've been working towards no longer feels like the life you actually want?In this episode, I explore how ambition evolves through different seasons of life, why I'm intentionally choosing freedom alongside meaningful work, and how redefining success has brought me closer to the life I want to build. If you've ever questioned whether your goals still fit who you are today, this episode is for you.✨ I'd love to help you take the next step. DM me **RECLAIM** on Instagram and I'll send you my free **10 Minutes to Reclaim Your Life** worksheet—a guided reflection designed to help you reconnect with what matters most in this season of your life.

Money is one of those things I sometimes wish didn't exist... but since it does, I want to be intentional about how I use it.In this episode, I'm sharing how I (very imperfectly) use the VIP framework—Values, Identity, and Priorities—to guide my spending, saving, and investing.I'm definitely not a financial expert, and I'm still figuring out budgeting systems that work for me. But I've found that looking at money through the lens of alignment has helped me make decisions that feel more intentional and much more like *me*.In this episode, I talk about:* How my values create "guard rails" around spending.* Why it's okay to spend money on things that genuinely bring you joy.* Saving for what matters most* Investing in the person* Why I'm building systems instead of relying on willpower.* The monthly budget check-ins I'm starting to help myself stay on course.This isn't about having a perfect budget. It's about making sure your money is helping you build a life that feels aligned with who you are.I'd love to hear what resonated with you. What does your spending say about your values?

A real-life example of how I use the VIP framework to help me live an aligned life at home.

A broken tooth, family dynamics, and the power of a few deep breaths.

Before we set new goals or chase the next milestone, what if we checked the foundations first? In this episode, Ruth shares reflections from her mid-year review, exploring values, identity, alignment, and wellbeing. Inspired by concepts from te ao Māori and her own work around Values, Identity, and Priorities, she unpacks why living in alignment with what matters most might be one of the most important foundations we can build.

How is it almost half way through the year? Ruth takes us through a reflection exercise using the VIP mindset framework to help us finish the year strong, not stressed.

Ruth reflects on friendship, growth, and the people we give access to our hearts.A messy, honest conversation about energy, alignment, hard conversations, drifting friendships, and the people who make us feel most like ourselves.

n this episode of Doing It Messy, Ruth explores why “just do it” can sometimes feel dismissive rather than motivating. Through personal stories about health anxiety, parenting, ADHD, and relationships, she reflects on the importance of empathy, emotional validation, and understanding that different people struggle with different things. The episode encourages listeners to approach themselves and others with more curiosity and kindness, and to ask not “why can’t you just do it?” but “what do you need?”

A conversation about identity, intentionality, and the surprisingly powerful role clothing can play in helping us step into different parts of ourselves. From blazers to witchy lipstick, Ruth explores the connection between identity and alignment.

A real-time reflection on noticing when your energy is stretched too thin — and making small, honest adjustments before burnout hits. Ruth shares how she’s reworking her weeks, redefining priorities, and learning to work with her capacity instead of against it.

When life pulls you in a million directions, it’s easy to default to burnout mode. In this episode, I share practical ways to navigate “crunch time” without losing yourself — from protecting your energy and resetting priorities, to letting go of perfection and setting boundaries that actually hold. Grounded in the VIP mindset (values, identity, priorities), this is about doing what matters most, even when everything feels urgent.

So often we think there’s something wrong with us, that we need to change who we are to achieve what we want. But what if there’s a different way? What if leaning into our natural ways of being could unlock things for us?

The small moments that make us who we are. Saying sorry, for real. The things we accept, and the things we don’t.

In this episode, I share a week where everything shifted unexpectedly — and I had to make real-time decisions about what truly mattered.It became a powerful reminder that we’re all juggling glass balls and bouncy balls — and the key isn’t doing everything, but knowing what you can afford to drop.This is a behind-the-scenes look at what the VIP mindset (values, identity, priorities) actually looks like in practice — not perfectly, but in a way that lets you show up for what matters most.

Do you ever get to the end of the day and realise there was no time for you?In this episode, I’m exploring what it really means to choose joy—without guilt. From people-pleasing and resentment to boundaries and small, everyday moments, this is about learning to listen to what you actually want.

How do you become the person you want to be?In this episode of Doing it Messy, Ruth explores the power of small habits — from kids’ sticker charts to a physio exercise that once felt impossible.When we repeat tiny actions consistently, things that once felt hard slowly become routine. And over time, those habits can change not just what we do, but who we believe we are.Progress doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to keep going

In this episode of Doing It Messy, Ruth shares what a freezing ocean swim taught her about identity, nervous systems, and commitment.If you’re someone who edges into new decisions slowly — or dives straight in — this is a reflection on how understanding your natural tendencies can help you design better priorities.Your messy move this week? Take thirty strokes.

Do you ever get really inspired and wish you could do everything? Then real life hits you like a tonne of bricks? This episode is about that.

Adapting when nothing goes to plan. Welcome to doing it messy, where I take my values, identity, priorities framework and apply it to my real life. I do things imperfectly, and chat with you about it along the way. Today I talk about a marathon gone wrong, strength training, and what to do when two of your values come into conflict. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress.