Just One Thing for Parents with Dr Bettina Hohnen

What does your child really need when their emotions feel overwhelming? In this episode, I'm joined by Helen Wilde, a systemic psychotherapist and DBT therapist with over 25 years of experience working in CAMHS with children, young people, and families. Together, we explore how ideas from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) can support emotional regulation in everyday parenting. Helen explains that when children are overwhelmed, they're not able to think things through or respond to solutions. What they need first is validation — a sense that their feelings are understood. This might be as simple as acknowledging their experience: "I can see why you feel upset." We talk about the difference between being emotionally "above the line" (dysregulated) and "below the line" (calmer). When children are above the line, connection comes before problem-solving. Over time, these small shifts in how we respond can make a meaningful difference. Helen shares that many families notice change when parents move from trying to fix emotions to first understanding them. DBT was originally developed to support individuals experiencing intense emotional distress, including self-harm and suicidal thoughts. However, as Helen explains, many of its core principles are deeply relevant for all families. At its heart, DBT helps us understand emotions, respond to distress more effectively, and strengthen relationships. Link to Inside Out clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QT6FdhKriB8 

How do parents know when to worry about their child's mental wellbeing? In this episode, I am joined by developmental psychologist Laura Dimler to explore one of the most common and anxiety-provoking questions parents face. When your child is struggling, it can feel like an impossible puzzle. You don't want to overreact or pathologise what might be a normal phase. But equally, you don't want to miss something important. Laura brings a calm, science-informed framework to help parents step back and make sense of what they're seeing. Rather than focusing on one behaviour or one difficult moment, she encourages us to look at patterns over time and within context. Together, we explore how child development is not a straight line. There are periods of progress, but also regression, big emotions, and moments that can feel overwhelming for both children and parents. You can find out more about Laura Dimler and her work here: https://lauradimler.substack.com/ 

What are the short- and long-term effects of infidelity and separation on children, and how can parents protect their child's emotional wellbeing through it? In this episode, I am joined by Juliet Rosenfeld, psychoanalyst and author, to explore the impact of infidelity and separation on children. Drawing on her clinical work and psychoanalytic perspective, Juliet explains that these experiences can feel like a "seismic rupture" in a child's world. Even when children appear to adapt, they are often making sense of something they do not yet have the language or developmental capacity to fully understand. This can shape how they see themselves, their relationships, and their sense of safety in the world. We explore how these early experiences can echo into adulthood, sometimes showing up as difficulties with trust, fear of abandonment, or patterns in relationships. Importantly, this is not about blame or guilt. Instead, it is about awareness. Juliet shares that what matters most is not whether separation happens, but how it is handled. When parents can offer a united, age-appropriate narrative, protect children from conflict, and remind them that they were born out of love and remain deeply loved, this can significantly soften the impact and support children to thrive despite change. You can find out more about Juliet Rosenfeld and her work here: https://julietrosenfeld.co.uk/ 

How can we talk to teenagers about their brain in a way that actually helps, rather than making them roll their eyes? In this episode, I am joined by Dr Sarah McKay, a neuroscientist and author specialising in brain health, with a particular focus on women's brain health across the lifespan. Together, we explore what's really going on in the teenage brain, and why the way we talk about it matters more than we might think. Rather than asking parents to explain neuroscience to their teenagers, Sarah offers a more helpful approach: using what we understand about the brain to shape how we respond. We discuss the risks of common myths, such as teenagers being "ruled by hormones" or "unable to make good decisions", and how these narratives can shape behaviour in unhelpful ways. Instead, we reframe adolescence as a period of learning, growth and social development, where motivation, belonging and experience play a central role. With relatable parenting examples and clear, evidence-based insights, this conversation will help you better understand teenage behaviour and respond in a way that supports your relationship with your child. You can find out more about Dr Sarah McKay and her work here: https://drsarahmckay.com/

What does OCD really look like in children — and how can parents respond in a way that truly helps, rather than unintentionally keeping it going? In this episode, I am joined by Dr Stuart Brownings, a clinical psychologist at a specialist OCD clinic who works exclusively with children, young people and adults experiencing obsessive compulsive disorder. Drawing on both research and extensive clinical experience, Stuart brings clarity, humour and deep compassion to a condition that can feel all-consuming for families. Together, we explore what OCD actually is, moving beyond common stereotypes to understand the full picture, including intrusive thoughts, images, "not quite right" feelings, and the wide range of compulsions that can follow.  A key focus of our conversation is accommodation — the everyday ways parents understandably adjust their behaviour in response to their child's anxiety, such as offering reassurance, checking things, or taking part in rituals. Stuart explains why this is so common, why it makes sense, and why it can also keep OCD stuck in a powerful cycle. This is a hopeful and practical conversation for any parent navigating OCD in their family, offering small, manageable steps that can make a meaningful difference over time. You can find out more about Dr Stuart Brownings and his work here: https://www.thespecialistocdclinic.co.uk/drstuartbrownings

Diagnosis in mental health and neurodiverity is on the rise - what's really going on and what does this mean for children, families, and society?   In this special long-form episode, the first in a series of extended conversations, I'm joined by Dr Libby Nugent and Dr Anna Hutchinson, both clinical psychologists. Together, we explore the role of diagnosis in modern life, particularly in the fields of mental health and neurodiversity, where increasing numbers of children and adults are being assessed and identified, while waiting lists continue to grow.   We discuss how diagnoses can validate pain, reduce shame, and help people make sense of their experience, while also considering their limitations, the power they hold within systems, and the broader historical and political context in which they sit. This is an in-depth conversation about both the usefulness and the risks of psychiatric labels — and what families might need to consider as they navigate them.

What does neurodiversity really mean — and how can parents navigate the joy, confusion and exhaustion that can come with it? In this episode, I'm joined by Professor Amanda Kirby, a leading expert in neurodiversity, co-founder and CEO of Do-IT Solutions, and author of more than ten books. Drawing on over 40 years of clinical experience — and her own life as a parent and grandparent in a neurodivergent family — Amanda brings practicality and compassion to a topic that can often feel overwhelming. Together, we explore the tension between the medical model and the neurodiversity movement, why children rarely fit neatly into diagnostic "boxes", and how labels can both open doors and create confusion. Amanda shares practical strategies for navigating transitions, preparing in manageable three-year "chunks", building organisation into family life, prioritising sleep, and forming constructive partnerships with schools. We also talk about the emotional reality for parents — the self-doubt, the fatigue, the systems that can feel adversarial — and why being "consistently inconsistent" is part of being human. You can find out more about Professor Kirby and her work here: https://doitprofiler.com/about-us/ 

How can we help our children make and keep friends — especially when friendships feel messy, painful or confusing?   In this episode, I'm joined by Dr Eileen Kennedy-Moore, a clinical psychologist, author and friendship expert. Together, we explore why friendship is so foundational to children's wellbeing and why almost every child will struggle socially at some point. Eileen explains how parents can support the development of perspective-taking — the essential skill that underpins healthy, lasting friendships.   We talk about what to say when children come home upset and why empathy must come before problem-solving. Eileen shares practical, memorable tools, including her "maybe game" for broadening perspective and her "soft criticism" framework for addressing unkind behaviour. This episode is full of usable language to help you support your child's friendships with confidence.   You can find out more about Dr Eileen and her work here: https://eileenkennedymoore.com/ including her podcast for children called Dr Friendtastic    A Long-Form Special: Living in the Age of Diagnosis with Dr Anna Hutchinson and Dr Libby Nugent   Diagnosis in mental health and neurodiverity is on the rise - what's really going on and what does this mean for children, families, and society?   In this special long-form episode, the first in a series of extended conversations, I'm joined by Dr Libby Nugent and Dr Anna Hutchinson, both clinical psychologists. Together, we explore the role of diagnosis in modern life, particularly in the fields of mental health and neurodiversity, where increasing numbers of children and adults are being assessed and identified, while waiting lists continue to grow.   We discuss how diagnoses can validate pain, reduce shame, and help people make sense of their experience, while also considering their limitations, the power they hold within systems, and the broader historical and political context in which they sit. This is an in-depth conversation about both the usefulness and the risks of psychiatric labels — and what families might need to consider as they navigate them.

How do you hold on to your cultural identity while raising children in a different cultural environment?   In this episode, I'm joined by Margaret Taribo, a visionary community leader and CEO of Parenting Skills to Go and Distinct Family Services.   Together, we explore what culturally appropriate parenting really means in a diverse society. We talk about identity, belonging and the tensions that can arise when home culture and peer culture don't always align.    Margaret shares powerful reflections from both her professional work and her lived experience, offering thoughtful insight into how parents can celebrate their heritage while helping their children integrate confidently into the world around them.   You can find out more about Margaret and her work here: YouTube (Echoes of Our Community): https://www.youtube.com/@MEEWithMargarettaribo/  Parenting Skills to Go: https://www.parentskills2go.org/ 

How can parents help children recover when things don't go to plan? In this episode, I'm joined by Ramita Anand, teacher, educational mentor, and creator of the Elevate programme, a mentoring programme supporting preteen girls. Together, we explore how parents can support children to navigate setbacks, build resilience, and experience repair after mistakes, disappointments, or struggles. We talk about why mistakes matter, how growth actually happens through challenge, and the role parents play in creating emotional safety while not rushing in to rescue. We also reflect on modelling resilience as parents, normalising difficulty, and helping children learn that struggling doesn't mean failing — it means growing. You can find more about Ramita and her work at  https://www.elevate-ra.com/ramita-anand/ 

What if your child's behaviour isn't about disobedience, defiance, or "pushing boundaries" — but about what's happening in their nervous system?   In this episode, I'm joined by Emily Hughes, parenting coach and founder of Finding Flow Parenting, to explore what parents can do to become a nervous-system-aware family. Emily invites us to move beyond seeing children's behaviour as wilful or intentional, and instead to understand it through the lens of the nervous system. When we do this, she explains, we gain a far more accurate and compassionate picture of what is really going on for our children — and for ourselves.   We talk about why behaviour such as running away, aggression, or hitting often reflects a child's nervous system moving into fight or flight, rather than "naughtiness" or defiance. Emily shares how reframing behaviour in this way can reduce shame, soften our parental reactions, and help us stay more grounded in moments that would otherwise escalate.   You can find out more about Emily and her work at https://findingflowparenting.coach/

Parenting is demanding for everyone, but for parents with ADHD, it can feel especially overwhelming. In this episode, I'm joined by Michaela Thomas, clinical psychologist and neurodiversity specialist, to explore what parenting looks like when your own executive functions are under constant strain. Parenting is, in itself, a huge executive function task, requiring constant planning, organising, remembering, emotional regulation, and managing transitions, often under pressure. For parents with ADHD, this can create a persistent sense of falling short, even when they are trying incredibly hard.  We explore why shame and self-criticism are so common, particularly for those diagnosed later in life, and the "double whammy" many families experience when parents with ADHD are raising children with similar neurodivergent traits.  If you're a parent with ADHD and you often find yourself asking, "Why can't I just manage this?", this episode is for you. It's a reminder that difficulty is not failure, and that being a good parent does not mean getting it right all the time. Michaela offers further support through her Reset course, which is designed to help parents gently reset their nervous systems and reduce overwhelm. You can find out more here: https://thethomasconnection.co.uk/reset/

What should parents really know about ADHD medication, beyond the headlines and fears? In this episode, I'm joined by Professor Peter Hill to explore one of the questions parents ask most often and worry about: ADHD medication. Together, we unpack what ADHD medication actually does in the brain, why stimulant medications can be so effective when ADHD is significantly impairing a child's life, and how they help children move from constant distraction into task-focused thinking.  Professor Hill explains complex neuroscience in a clear, grounded way, helping parents understand concepts like the frontal lobes, what default mode network is, and why medication can support attention, self-control and emotional regulation rather than suppressing a child's personality. We also talk openly about the different types of ADHD medication, including stimulant and non-stimulant options, short-acting versus long-acting preparations, and how decisions are usually made in clinical practice. Importantly, we address side effects, safety, appetite and sleep, and some of the most common fears parents carry, including concerns about addiction.

What can you do when your child feels so distressed that school becomes impossible? How do you support them without getting pulled into the panic yourself? In this episode, I'm joined by clinical psychologist Dr Carolyne Keenan for a compassionate and deeply informative conversation about Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA) — a challenge that has become increasingly common, particularly since the pandemic, and it can leave parents feeling worried, confused and often quite alone.  EBSA isn't about a child who "won't go" to school; it's about a child who can't. Their level of distress is so high that getting through the school gate feels insurmountable. Carolyne explains why this happens, what early signs parents can look out for, and why EBSA is rarely about refusal, but about emotional safety. We also discuss how to collaborate with schools, how to spot patterns in your child's week, and how small, flexible adjustments can make the school environment feel more manageable. Above all, Carolyne reminds us that your relationship with your child is the anchor. Whatever challenges arise, the battle should never be between you and your child.  If you'd like to explore more of Carolyne's work, she offers parent Power Hours, a new EBSA course launching in early 2026, and a free downloadable survival guide. https://www.carolynekeenan.co.uk/

How do you protect children from unhelpful food and body talk when celebrations revolve around eating and family gatherings? What can parents do when well-meaning relatives, social media, or conversations about weight loss creep into festive meals?   In this episode, I'm joined by Dr Anna Colton, Consultant Clinical Psychologist and eating disorder specialist, to explore how parents can manage food and diet chat around children during the festive season. Drawing on questions sent in by parents, we talk about navigating comments from grandparents shaped by decades of diet culture, handling conversations about weight loss injections, and the powerful messages children absorb about bodies, worth and self-control – often without adults realising.   Together, we reflect on why commenting on children's eating can undermine their ability to trust their bodies, how to set boundaries with family members, and why pre-empting difficult conversations can make such a difference. This episode offers guidance to help parents protect their children's relationship with food, not just at Christmas, but all year round.   More from Dr Colton https://www.dranna.co.uk/ 

Have you ever wondered why some children seem to shrink inside themselves after a mistake, while others recover quickly and move on? In this episode, I'm joined by Dr Stephen Blumenthal, clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst and author, to explore an emotion that touches every family but is so often misunderstood: shame.    Drawing on his decades of clinical experience, Stephen explains how shame is both a normal and necessary part of human development, helping children understand social boundaries and navigate relationships. But when shame is constant or overwhelming, it can shape how a child thinks and feels about themselves in ways that are not helpful.   We discuss what shame actually is and how it differs from guilt. Stephen offers examples of how everyday parenting moments can either support healthy development or unintentionally tip a child into feeling defective, exposed or alone. We also explore the role of emotional connection in protecting children from pathological shame, why ruptures can be repaired, and how parents' own histories influence the way we respond to our children. Stephen shares thoughtful guidance on how parents can stay emotionally present, set boundaries in a loving way, and help young children and teenagers build resilience without slipping into criticism or humiliation.   If you're a parent – or supporting any young person growing up in an increasingly judgemental world – this episode offers clarity, reassurance and practical insight. More from Dr Blumenthal: https://stephenblumenthal.com 

Grief is one of the hardest experiences a child can face, and one of the hardest moments for a parent to support.    In this episode, I speak with Dr Hannah Abrahams, an Educational Psychologist with more than twenty years of experience supporting children through bereavement. Hannah brings such warmth, clarity and reassurance to a topic that can often feel overwhelming for parents.   She explains why honesty is not only kinder but essential, especially when our instinct might be to soften the truth. She shares why euphemisms can confuse children, how their understanding of grief changes as their brain develops and why we need to expect them to revisit their loss again and again as they grow.    We discuss the role of memorialising, the value of creating rituals and memories and why talking about the person who has died keeps their story alive in a way that can be grounding for children moving forward.   Hannah shares so much practical and compassionate advice. If your child is grieving or if you want to feel more prepared for these conversations, this episode will guide you.   Dr Hannah Abrahams' website: https://www.hannahabrahams.com

What does it really take to build a relationship with your child that can withstand the ups and downs of growing up — and how can you do that when family life feels busy, chaotic or overwhelming?   In this episode, I'm joined by developmental psychologist Dona Matthews, whose work focuses on helping parents create strong, secure relationships that carry children through whatever storms life brings. Drawing on decades of research, clinical experience and her own family life, Dona offers a compassionate reminder that resilience starts with connection — not perfection.   Together, we explore what it means to truly stay connected to your child: showing up emotionally, being present in the moment, and finding small ways to communicate "I'm here, I'm with you, I'm on your side." Dona explains why prioritising your own wellbeing is not selfish but foundational, because a regulated parent is better able to attune, respond and guide. She also talks about the simple but powerful role of breath, mindfulness and self-awareness in navigating tense or tricky moments.   You'll come away with a clearer understanding of how small, mindful moments help build a relationship that can truly weather any storm — and why being "crazy about your child," as Dona puts it, is one of the most protective things you can offer.

What does it really mean to give a child a secure attachment — and how can we do that if our own early experiences weren't secure?   In this episode, I'm joined by psychotherapist Anne Power, who has written extensively about attachment theory and how our early experiences shape not only how we parent, but how we relate to others throughout life.   Anne explains the two key attachment behaviours — caregiving and care seeking — and breaks them down into simple, practical elements that parents can notice and strengthen. Together we explore how attachment patterns are formed and passed from one generation to the next, what secure, avoidant, anxious and disorganised attachment might look like in family life, and how we can use this knowledge to nurture a secure bond.   We talk about what it means to be available and responsive, how to interpret your child's signals more accurately, and how your own attachment history may influence the way you respond when they are upset. Anne also offers practical ways to reshape your patterns as an adult — from creating small moments of repair with your child to finding tools for reflection and self-compassion that make change possible.   This conversation offers both compassion and clarity. You'll come away with a new understanding of how your own story influences the way you show up for your child, and what small, powerful changes you can make to help them feel safe, loved and understood.

Welcome to this special Must-Have Moments episode for ADHD Awareness Month.   In this compilation, Dr Bettina Hohnen revisits highlights from four expert conversations exploring ADHD and executive function through different stages of development — from early childhood right through to young adulthood.   We begin with Dr Laurie Faith, who explains what executive functions are, how they develop, and why joy and connection are essential for helping children's brains grow.  Then Dr Peg Dawson shares her "perfect intervention" — a simple, sustainable way to strengthen executive skills in teenagers.   Next, Linda Phillips guides us through how to support neurodivergent students as they transition to university — when independence increases but challenges may still remain.  And finally, Dr Jo Steer offers practical strategies for parents waiting for an ADHD assessment, focusing on meeting a child's needs right now rather than waiting for a diagnosis.   Together, these must-hear moments offer a developmental roadmap and a wealth of practical insights to help parents understand, support, and empower their children with ADHD and executive function differences.   Whether your child is just starting school, preparing for exams, or beginning university life, this episode will help you see the strengths behind the struggles — and remind you that small, consistent steps make a real difference.

When your affectionate child suddenly transforms into a teenager who rolls their eyes, snaps back, or avoids you completely, it can feel painful and personal. In this episode of Just One Thing for Parents, Bettina Hohnen speaks with journalist, mother of four, and bestselling author Lorraine Candy about why teenagers often act like they "hate" their parents — and how understanding what's happening in their developing brains can make all the difference. Lorraine reflects on her own experience of raising four children through adolescence, and how learning about the neuroscience of the teenage years helped her stop taking their behaviour so personally. Together, she and Bettina explore the physiological and emotional shifts that happen between 12 and 25, when the teenage brain is being taken apart and rebuilt, and why this process can leave young people overwhelmed, irritable, or quick to anger. They also discuss the power of recognising what Lorraine calls the "rupture and repair" cycle – the inevitable conflicts that arise in family life, and the vital opportunity to reconnect and rebuild afterwards. Lorraine offers reassurance that this stage, though challenging, is both normal and necessary for teenagers to become independent, emotionally intelligent adults.  This episode is a reminder to parents that the teenage years are not about losing connection, but reshaping it.

We often use praise as a way to boost our children's confidence — but does it always have the effect we hope for? In this episode of Just One Thing for Parents, Dr Bettina Hohnen speaks with Dr Barry Hymer, teacher, academic and author, about why feedback may be a far more powerful parenting tool than praise. Drawing on decades of research, Barry shares how praise, though well-intentioned, can sometimes chip away at a child's motivation and resilience. He explains the famous Stanford study showing how rewards can dampen children's intrinsic drive, and explores what happens when our words of encouragement shift from genuine feedback to subtle forms of judgement. We talk about what it really means to nurture a growth mindset, how parents can model resilience when things go wrong, and the small changes that make a big difference — like noticing effort, curiosity and persistence instead of simply saying "well done." Barry also reflects on his own experiences as a father, and how learning to replace praise with thoughtful feedback helped his children grow in confidence and self-belief.

Teenagers are wired to explore the world — but for parents, that can feel terrifying. How do you let your teen take healthy risks without putting them in danger?   In this episode, Dr Bettina Hohnen is joined by Professor Deborah Christie, a leading expert in adolescent health at UCL. Together, they explore the delicate balance between keeping teenagers safe and giving them the freedom they need to grow. Drawing on her extensive professional experience and her personal insights as a parent and grandparent, Deborah explains why risk-taking is not only normal but necessary, and how parents can reframe it as exploration rather than danger.   Their conversation covers how to manage parental fear, keep communication open, and recognise that our own backgrounds shape the way we perceive risk. They also discuss how to balance consequences with connection, so teenagers can develop the judgment and confidence they need to become capable young adults.   This discussion offers practical ways to stay steady through the ups and downs of adolescence, reminding parents that bravery, patience and perspective go a long way — and that this phase, too, will pass.   Here is a link to Deborah Christie's website where she shares many useful resources for free: https://www.deborahchristieconsulting.com/

How can parents support their children to eat healthily without slipping into diet talk or passing on their own body worries?   In this episode of Just One Thing for Parents, Dr Anna Colton — clinical psychologist and eating disorder specialist — shares what decades of experience have taught her about food, families and children's wellbeing.   We talk about: - Why the language we use about food matters more than we think - How to model a balanced, relaxed approach at mealtimes - Supporting children and teens to self-regulate, rather than laying down rigid rules - Why acceptance, not body positivity, is the goal that helps children thrive   Anna also shares her "one shift that changes everything": becoming aware of your own patterns around food and body image, so you have the choice not to pass them on. Listen now to hear how you can raise children with a healthy, confident relationship to eating.

In this episode of Just One Thing for Parents, I'm joined by Clinical Psychologist Dr Alex Leedham to explore the idea of the "social battery" in autism — a simple but powerful way of understanding why children with autism can so easily become overwhelmed.   Alex explains how everyday demands, from noisy classrooms to social chit-chat, can drain energy far more quickly for autistic children than for their peers. She introduces the idea of creating a battery-draining list and a battery-charging list - practical tools families can use to spot triggers, plan ahead, and build in restorative breaks.   We talk about how parents can help children tune into their own needs, develop emotional literacy, and learn what really recharges them — whether that's quiet time with headphones, preparing in advance for transitions, or connecting with close friends over a shared interest. It's different for everyone.   If you've ever wondered how to protect your autistic child's energy and prevent overwhelm, this episode offers both clarity and practical strategies you can start using straight away.

In this episode of Just One Thing for Parents, I'm joined by family therapist Shadi Shahnavaz to talk about how to reach teens who won't engage — why some adolescents shut their parents out, and what parents can do to gently rebuild connection.   We explore the everyday struggles families face when communication breaks down: parents feeling rejected, teens retreating into silence, and the cycle of criticism and withdrawal that leaves everyone exhausted. Shadi explains why trust is often lost on both sides, and how small, respectful shifts can make all the difference.   Most importantly, Shadi offers guidance on what parents can try this week: listening without judgment, setting fair and boundaried rules, and creating everyday moments of connection that build safety and trust. From bringing a hot chocolate to their room to sharing dinner together, these small acts open the door to bigger conversations.   If you've ever felt shut out by your teenager — or wondered how to reach them without pushing them further away — this episode will give you both reassurance and practical steps to bring the relationship back to life.

In this episode of Just One Thing for Parents, I'm joined by Clinical Psychologist Dr Tara Porter to talk about perfectionism — what it is, why it's rising, and how it affects young people today. We explore the cultural pressures that push children towards "never enough," from school and exams to social media and even well-meaning family expectations. Tara explains why perfectionism is such a risk factor for mental health, and how parents can recognise when opportunities tip into pressure. Most importantly, Tara offers guidance on what parents can do differently: focusing on balance, building connection, and bringing joy back into everyday family life. From protecting time for dinner together to asking the right questions at the end of the day, this conversation is full of practical insights to help children feel safe, valued, and truly "enough." If you've ever worried about your child putting too much pressure on themselves — or wondered how best to support them through an achievement-driven culture — this episode will give you both reassurance and realistic steps forward. Resources and Links Learn more about Dr Tara Porter's work and writing: https://drtaraporter.com Read my article based on this conversation: Avoiding the Perfectionism Trap: Raising a Child Who Feels Enough Explore more episodes of Just One Thing for Parents: https://drbettinahohnen.com/podcasts

In this episode, Bettina welcomes Belinda Edington, an expert in Executive Function coaching and Managing Director of Mindspark, a social enterprise dedicated to developing these critical skills in children and young people. Belinda explains what Executive Functions are—such as planning, organisation, and self-regulation—and discusses the factors that can impact their development.   She differentiates Executive Function coaching from therapy or tutoring, emphasising how it empowers individuals to rewire their brains through positive habits. This conversation is especially valuable for parents of children with ADHD, as well as any parent whose child struggles with Executive Function skills. Belinda also highlights the growing role of coaching as a supportive and effective resource for families.   If you're considering coaching for your child or simply want to better understand how to support their development, this episode offers practical insights and guidance.

Welcome to our second "Must-Hear Moments" episode, featuring highlights from four of our earliest interviews with teenage development experts. In this compilation, we dive deep into understanding teenage behavior, exploring their intense emotions and shifting identities as they navigate the path to adulthood. Our experts shed light on fascinating research that explains why teens act the way they do, offering valuable insights into their world. You'll get practical advice on what to say (and what to avoid) during those crucial interactions with your teenager. With the UK summer holidays in full swing, many parents are spending extended time with their teens. This episode is perfect for a quick listen during a short walk, especially if you're feeling stuck or overwhelmed. 

Welcome to this special episode highlighting key insights from four of our earliest interviews with child development experts. We'll revisit valuable tips on supporting children who are struggling, covering topics like anxiety, trauma, communication, and problem-solving skills. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the podcast, these must-hear moments offer practical advice for parents, especially timely for those navigating challenges during the summer holidays. Join me as we explore essential strategies to help our children thrive through difficulties.

I have been excited about this episode as I interviewed the incredible and inspiring Hilary Kennedy who developed Video Interactive Guidance (VIG) which has such a strong evidence base for making change. She talks us through some transformative and often counterintuitive strategies for building stronger relationships with our kids. Learn about the "serve, catch, return" approach from video interaction guidance (VIG) and discover how doing less and having more fun can lead to deeper connections. Hilary introduces the "love, play, work" framework, and explains the "take five" concept for more meaningful conversations. Whether you're a parent of a newborn, a teenager, or anywhere in between, this episode has something for everyone.

In today's episode, we dive deep into the hidden scripts that shape our parenting journey with behaviour expert Andy Baker. In it you will discover how seemingly harmless phrases like "children shouldn't argue" or "eat your peas, there are starving children" can actually be detrimental to our kids' development and self-esteem. Andy sheds light on these generational "should" and "shouldn't" scripts that not only affect our children but also impose unrealistic expectations on us as parents. Andy offers practical strategies to break free from unhelpful scripts and shift towards more nuanced and reflective parenting approaches. Whether you've caught yourself repeating phrases from your own childhood or struggle with parental guilt, this episode offers valuable insights and actionable advice that will transform the way you think about family communication and nurture healthier relationships with your children.

As if parents and teachers didn't have enough to worry about before, now they have to get their heads round AI in education. In this podcast episode, I chatted with Claire Badger, an experienced teacher and head of teacher professional development at InnerDrive. Claire breaks down the complex world of AI in learning, outlining the key issues and highlighting some fascinating research that has been done to look at children, homework and AI. We talk about why banning AI in schools isn't practical, how AI can help (or hinder) with homework, and whether it's useful as a bespoke tutor.   Claire offers down-to-earth advice for parents and teachers on how to use AI wisely, encourage real learning, and keep the lines of communication open. While there's a risk that AI could limit children's learning if used improperly, it also has the potential to enhance skills development for kids from all backgrounds when applied wisely.

In this enlightening podcast episode, Clinical Psychologist and family therapist Manuela Sapochnik shares her insights on enhancing parenting through couples therapy, drawing from two decades of experience. She explores how attachment patterns shape relationships and how misaligned behaviors can create tension between partners.   Manuela explains that this tension often spills over into parenting, but can be addressed through increased awareness and intentional change in interaction patterns. As couples work together to improve their relationship, they naturally begin to interact differently with others, including their children.    This shift can lead to profound changes in family dynamics. By developing more adaptive ways of managing relationship challenges, parents can model and instill secure attachment patterns in their children.   Remarkably, Manuela notes that as couples engage in this work, they often see improvements in their children's behavior before even addressing specific parenting issues.   Please tune in for a deeper understanding of this transformative approach.

When your child tells you they think they have a mental health problem parents can feel frozen. How should they respond and what action should they take? I was joined by Rachel Acheson, a psychotherapist with years of experience in adolescent mental health services and schools to discuss this issue. Rachel offers clear, balanced advice on this potentially daunting situation, breaking down what parents can do, what to say, when it might be time to seek professional help, and what kinds of support are available. From the importance of staying calm and validating your child's feelings, to knowing the signs that professional support might be needed, Rachel covers it all. Whether you're currently facing this situation or want to be prepared for the future, please have a listen to my interview with Rachel.

In this episode of Just One Thing For Parents, Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist Jon Goldin discusses the crucial role of boundaries in children's development. He emphasizes that consistent, predictable boundaries provide psychological safety and promote secure attachment. Jon likens teenage boundaries to flexible rubber tires, allowing some give while maintaining stability.   The conversation covers challenges parents face in setting boundaries, including generational changes and social media influences. Jon and Bettina stress the importance of parental unity in boundary-setting, even in separated families. They explore the balance between kindness and strictness, the significance of emotional boundaries, and practical advice on issues like social media use and sleep routines. Please have a listen.   This is a really important and often tricky topic for parents. 

I was joined by Jenny Peters, family therapist, who addresses the parental panic that often arises when tried-and-true strategies suddenly falter. In those moments when parents feel stuck she advises us to turn to the "Three C's" approach: Curiosity, Compassion, and Courage. We talk about why these three core skills are so important for a parent to embrace and give examples and offer practical advice - from calming breathing techniques to navigating public tantrums. The key to our stuckness often lies in our own experience of being parented and having this insight can help compassionately unlock difficulties. Whether you're grappling with a toddler's tantrums or a teenager's resistance, Jenny's wisdom provides a roadmap for reconnecting and resolving conflicts. This episode is a must-listen for any parent seeking to foster stronger, more understanding relationships with their children, regardless of age or stage.

Navigating the choppy waters of family separation is a journey that touches countless lives, with a staggering 1 in 3 children under 16 experiencing this significant shift in their family dynamics. As parents, we often grapple with the burning question: "How will this affect my little ones?" It's a valid concern because yes, separation is undoubtedly a seismic event in a child's world. However, parents have the power to shape this experience, as I found out in my discussion with Dr Marielle Quint, Clinical Psychologist. Marielle has a vast amount of experience in this area and her advice will help any parent finding themselves in this situation. She emphasises the importance of conflict management, maintaining a delicate neutrality when discussing ex-partners and the importance of ongoing conversation with kids for nuance and understanding. Ultimately, Marielle leaves us with a hopeful vision: children thriving in separate, loving, stable homes where conflict gives way to understanding. It's a challenging ideal, yes, but one that's deeply worth striving for. Below are useful organisations, websites and books for parents to access:    Organisations for parents CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) Publishes the "Parenting Plan" to help separating parents keep child-focused planning at the center. https://www.cafcass.gov.uk Gingerbread: A charity for single parents with emotional and legal guidance. https://www.gingerbread.org.uk Family Lives: Offers a helpline and guidance for parenting through separation. https://www.familylives.org.uk The Parent Practice: Delivers training for parents on communication skills and managing family transitions. https://www.theparentpractice.com Relate: Counselling services for families and children going through separation. https://www.relate.org.uk The Spark (Scotland) / Tavistock Relationships (England): Offers therapy and parenting support from a psychodynamic and systemic perspective. https://tavistockrelationships.org   Book recommendations: Understanding Children's Needs when Parents Separate by Emilia Dowling and Di Elliott Mum and Dad Glue Paperback – by Kes Gray  (Author), Lee Wildish (Illustrator) Living with Mum and Living with Dad: My Two Homes Paperback –  by Melanie Walsh (Author) It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce (Lansky, Vicki) Paperback –  by Vicki Lansky  (Author), Jane Prince (Author, Illustrator)   I Don't Want to Talk About It: A Story of Divorce for Young Children by Jeanie Franz Ransom  (Author), Kathryn Kunz Finney (Illustrator) The Divorce Journal for Kids by Sue Atkins (Author) and Amy Bradley (Illustrator) The Split Survival Kit - 10 Steps for Coping with your Parents' separation by Ruth Fitzgerald (Author) When Mom and Dad Separate: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief (Drawing Out Feelings) Helping Children to Cope with Change, Stress and Anxiety: A Photocopiable Activities Book 

In this episode Dr Nicky Greaves helps us think about how to support children on the autism spectrum with emotional regulation. She has some really innovative ideas about how we can use the special interests of these individuals to help them understand a context. She gives clear examples and interesting insights. For any parent supporting a young child with autism who is finding it hard to manage every day life it is an episode worth tuning into.

In this episode of "Just One Thing for Parents," host Bettina Hohnen delves into the crucial topic of building healthy resilience in children with guest Dr. Netali Levi, a clinical psychologist. They explore how modern parenting has rightly emphasized emotional support for children, but sometimes to the extreme of centering family life entirely around children's happiness. Netali introduces the concept of "family-centric parenting," which balances the needs of all family members and encourages age-appropriate contributions from children. This approach aims to foster resilience by avoiding overprotection and allowing children to face and overcome challenges. The discussion offers practical strategies for implementing this balanced parenting style, highlighting its benefits for both children's development of coping skills and parents' well-being. It's a great episode for parents seeking to nurture emotionally healthy, resilient children while maintaining a harmonious family dynamic.

In our latest episode of "Just One Thing For Parents," I welcomed back Leonie Kenny to explore the challenges autistic children face in developing friendships and how parents can support them. Leonie delves into the complexities of social interactions for autistic kids, explaining how their weaker shared imagination, tendency towards black-and-white thinking, and reduced flexibility in interpreting others' behavior can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. She also highlights how social anxiety and sensory processing difficulties, common in autism, can overwhelm these children, affecting their ability to respond appropriately in social situations. This insightful discussion offers parents valuable perspectives on why their autistic children might struggle with friendships and provides practical tips on how to nurture their social skills. Tune in to discover what parents can do to support their autistic child in navigating the often tricky terrain of friendships.

Navigating the ups and downs of children's friendships can be a source of significant anxiety for parents. Whether our kids are on the receiving end of unkind behavior or we're concerned about their own actions towards others, these situations often leave us feeling helpless. In this enlightening episode, I'm joined by Leonie Kenny, an experienced Speech and Language therapist, who addresses the crucial question: "What is just one thing parents can do to help their children to manage and develop good friendships?"   Leonie offers valuable insights, reminding us that friendship skills are learned, not innate. She emphasises the vital role parents play in this learning process. Key takeaways include the importance of allowing children to experience some social discomfort, learn from their missteps, and create space for them to problem-solve independently.   Whether you're dealing with friendship challenges now or want to proactively equip your children with essential social skills, you won't want to miss this discussion.

In this enlightening episode, Sheila Redfern joined Bettina for a conversation that delves deep. Sheila is an expert in an approach known as Reflective Parenting. She explains that we often find ourselves caught up in trying to change our child's behavior and forget to check in with ourselves, yet that's where the magic can happen. Sheila introduces the concept of "mentalizing," which is all about reflecting on our own feelings as well as those of our children to create deeper connections. This episode was recorded the same week as the highly talked about Netflix series Adolescence. Sheila and Bettina observe through discussing this series that even the most loving parents can unintentionally slip into 'benign neglect' by not being curious about or engaging with their children's worlds. Sheila has some tried and tested ways to help parents begin to use this approach with their children. Ultimately, Sheila drives home the point that emotional regulation is essential for fostering positive behavioral change. By prioritizing our emotional well-being, we equip ourselves to better support our children on their journeys. Please check out Sheila's latest book "How Do You Hug a Cactus? Reflective Parenting with Teenagers in Mind" published in March 2024

In this insightful episode, Bettina is joined by psychotherapist Anastasis about how parents can effectively support teenagers facing body image concerns. Anastasis discusses the challenges of talking about bodies as kids grow, particularly in the teenage years in context of what is going on in the teenage brain. This can be a tricky conversation for parents to start and something many parents might avoid for fear of saying the wrong thing. There is often high sensitivity and even shame around their body for teenagers. He advocates for normalising conversations focused on acceptance rather than pressure to 'love' one's body. He encourages parents to begin tentatively and start with observations, aiming to match where the young person is in terms of their privacy and openness. Try to avoid polarisation - talking about it all the time or not at all. This will be different for individuals, depending on their profile, whether there is neurodiversity present or sensory sensitivity. He recommends parents talking about their own experience, both the pride they felt about their body as a teen and the challenges. All of this creates a supportive environment for their teenagers' body image journey.

In this insightful episode of Just One Thing, Bettina chats with Anne Ozsivadjian about the important journey that follows an autism diagnosis. If you're a parent navigating this new chapter, this conversation is for you. Anne breaks down what to expect after your child receives an autism diagnosis, emphasizing the vital difference between a diagnosis and a detailed formulation that gives you a better understanding of your child's unique needs. She encourages parents to take their time processing the diagnosis and to tap into reputable resources. You'll discover practical tips on how to communicate the diagnosis to your child in a way that feels right for their age and understanding. Plus, Anne shares valuable strategies for making your home environment more autism-friendly, ensuring your child feels safe and supported.  By the end of this episode, you'll have actionable ideas and resources that can help you and your child navigate this journey together, including ways to find professional support and connect with other families. Join us for this enlightening conversation and empower yourself with the knowledge to support your child every step of the way!

Many parents of neurodiverse young people struggle with how to support their children when they transition to University. It's a huge step and a time when these these young people are quite vulnerable. Linda Philips is a Speech and Language therapist who specialises in this area and in this episode she answers the question - What's Just One Thing Parents can do to support their neurodivergent child while they are away at university. Linda highlights the unique challenges faced by university students with autism and ADHD as they transition and how parents can support them. She emphasizes the importance of regular check-ins for parents, shifting from giving advice to facilitating problem-solving through active listening. We also cover strategies for building resilience, understanding individual needs, and fostering social connections through clubs and interests. Please have a listen and I know all parents will find some useful ideas from this episode. 

In this episode, we explore how parents can support teenagers in building resilience through healthy stress. Matilda, an expert in evidence-based parenting, explains that healthy stress involves manageable challenges that help teens develop coping skills for future difficulties, without exposing them to toxic stress or leaving them unsupported. We discuss the science behind this approach, including studies on squirrel monkeys and controlled tree growth, highlighting the benefits of mild stress exposure. Matilda also shares practical strategies for recognizing normal stress versus serious issues, emphasizing the importance of understanding your child's unique behavior patterns. In today's social media-driven world, where normal variation in emotions can be misinterpreted as disordered, this conversation provides valuable insights for fostering resilience and raising confident, capable teens.

In this episode of the podcast Just One Thing For Parents, we tackle the question of how parents can help their children develop a healthy relationship with screens.   Our guest, Dr Naomi Fisher challenges the traditional focus on screen time, which can become somewhat of an obsession for well intentioned parents. Doing this distracts from more important considerations when it comes to screens, such as what children are actually doing on the screen, how they connect with their activities and helping them to develop those all-important self-regulations skills.   She encourages parents to engage with their kids' screen-based interests rather than just limiting time,  showing an interest and perhaps joining them. When we look closely, there is usually a developmental value of children's chosen screen activities. As we share interests with them we build trust in our relationship which will serve them and our relationship (and therefore influence on them) well in the long term.   Ultimately, the message is to join children in their digital experiences, validating their interests and building a foundation for communication as they grow.

In this episode of JOT for Parents, Bettina is joined by the renowned Peg Dawson to explore effective interventions for executive skill difficulties in older kids. Executive functions, like planning, organizing, paying attention, and managing time, are crucial for managing everyday life and reside in the brain's frontal lobes. Many children struggle with these skills, leading parents to mistakenly think their kids are being difficult or lazy when they actually haven't developed the necessary brain circuits or habits. Peg Dawson, the author of "Smart but Scattered," shares her expertise and introduces a simple yet powerful five-minute intervention designed to help parents enhance their child's executive skills. This episode is a must-listen for every parent, as it addresses a universal challenge in supporting children's development.

Professor Roz Shafran is a highly experienced Clinical Psychologist who really knows about what works for parents. She talks about the power of problem solving as a parent and problem with our kids. It is not only incredibly helpful for us to approach something we feel stuck on but when we do it with kids we built their future ability to manage their lives/ Most importantly, it works. Roz talks us through the the IDEAL method—Identify the problem, Describe the outcome, Explore strategies, Anticipate outcomes, Act, and Look and learn. I always think a template is helpful for parents to find new skills in these highly emotive situations. Roz talks us through some everyday examples all parents will struggle with - when a child won't leave a playdate or with a child who has an eating disorder. This is a technique parents can use when they are struggling but also can be used with adolescents to collaboratively problem solve how they could find a solution to their difficulties. It's an episode that everyone can get something from.