Paul Elmore

This week, we’re putting all the pieces together and inviting people to share their own stories. They’ll be applying all the tools and resources we’ve talked about in previous weeks and stepping out of their comfort zones in order to gain freedom from their own stories of anxiety.

This week, we’re wrestling with one of the biggest issues of anxiety… injustice. You’ll hear the story of my motorcycle accident, and what we’re supposed to do when we face blatant injustice.

In the previous weeks, we looked at all the ways you can alleviate the SYMPTOMS of anxiety. In this episode, we’re taking a deep dive and looking at a way to address the core issue of anxiety and how making a change in your belief system you might actually become free of anxiety all together.

Last week we learned what anxiety is and where it comes from. We also looked at a lot of techniques people use to address the symptoms of anxiety without ever dealing with the core. This week we look at a different type of technique that seems a little odd at first but has proven to be highly effective in reducing the impact of anxiety and panic attacks. Listen & Subscribe Use your favorite podcast player app, search for Paul Elmore, and hit Subscribe to keep up to date with all the latest podcast episodes.

If you suffer from anxiety, you know how much it robs you of joy and happiness every day. Basically, anxiety really sucks. This is the first week of a six-week series, and in this episode we look at everything about anxiety including ways to get rid of it (beyond deep breathing and funny yoga poses). We’ll also be taking some time to see what scripture says about anxiety in future weeks and if God can actually help you feel better and more at peace. While You’re At It, Subscribe To The Podcast You can subscribe to the podcast using your favorite podcast app. Just search for Paul Elmore, click the subscribe button, and enjoy past and future episodes. Thanks

When challenging our toxic stories we have to learn new ways of making decisions. That’s where the Magic Question comes in. With this one question, you’ll be able to stop wasting your limited time, energy, and emotional resources on things that have kept you stuck. In This Episode You’ll learn the magic question that clarifies every decision you need to make. You’ll learn there’s more to the Serenity Prayer and why the second half is almost more important than the first. You’ll find out that thinking is simply asking and answering questions to yourself (and why you need more than your own voice in your head in order to grow) Worksheets CLICK HERE to download the full version of the Serenity Prayer and a breakdown of the prayer as it relates to scripture. SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST You can get automatic updates to this podcast by subscribing on iTunes or using your favorite podcast app (just do a search for Paul Elmore).

There are some things that, despite what you think or believe, you just can’t (or shouldn’t) do. Gravity for instance. No matter what we believe, we will still be restricted by the laws of gravity. In This Episode We look at the three questions to determine if what you’re facing is a limiting belief or an actual limitation We hear from four brave people who are willing to face their limiting belief, find a guide, and try to achieve the thing they’re wanting to accomplish. Video From This Episode Clips from this video were used in this presentation. (Thanks GoPro for making an awesome video) {"title":"GoPro: Lions - The New Endangered Species?","author_name":"GoPro","author_url":"https://www.youtube.com/c/GoPro","height":"608","width":"1080","version":"1.0","provider_name":"YouTube","provider_url":"https://www.youtube.com/","thumbnail_height":"360","thumbnail_width":"480","thumbnail_url":"https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MNCzSfv4hX8/hqdefault.jpg","html":"<iframe width="1080" height="608" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/MNCzSfv4hX8?feature=oembed" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>","arve_cachetime":"2021-02-18 06:40:17","arve_srcset":"https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MNCzSfv4hX8/mqdefault.jpg 320w, https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MNCzSfv4hX8/hqdefault.jpg 480w, https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MNCzSfv4hX8/sddefault.jpg 640w, https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MNCzSfv4hX8/maxresdefault.jpg 1280w"} SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST You can get automatic updates to this podcast by subscribing on iTunes or using your favorite podcast app (just do a search for Paul Elmore).

In every epic story, the hero is directed by a Guide. Dumbledore, Gandalf, Yoda, Haymitch… all of these Guides have one purpose—to equip the hero with the necessary tools and skills to overcome the obstacle. If the Guide is such an important character in story, why do we try so hard to change on our own? Why do we allow shame, or fear, or self image to keep us from doing what’s necessary for ultimate success? It’s time to find YOUR Guide if you want to change. In This Episode We look at the three necessary things for change. We talk about the importance of finding the Guide We do a play-by-play of a movie clip from A Beautiful Mind that shows us one of the best new strategies to overcoming limiting beliefs. DOWNLOAD THE WORKSHEETS In this episode, the audience was invited to do some personal reflection and clarifying of their own personal goals. You can do the same by downloading the worksheet yourself. SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST You can get automatic updates to this podcast by subscribing on iTunes or using your favorite podcast app (just do a search for Paul Elmore).

Each of us have had parents, family, teachers, friends, even strangers implant painful stories about our worth, value, and abilities into our lives. Without knowing it, we continue to allow those limiting beliefs and toxic messages to rule our reality until we feel worthless, hopeless, frustrated, and stuck. If you know that you want to change, but don’t believe that you can change, then it’s time to examine the limiting beliefs that are keeping you from trying. In this seven-week summer workshop you’ll learn: How and where your limiting beliefs got started. How you continue to reinforce those toxic stories. How to begin writing a more powerful personal story (regardless of your actual history or experience) How to allow Truth instead of opinion to shape your life. IN THIS EPISODE You’ll find out what the most limiting limiting belief really is Understand what the positive intent is behind every limiting belief How toxic stories or limiting beliefs are developed DOWNLOAD THE WORKSHEETS In this episode, the audience was invited to do some personal reflection and clarifying of their own personal goals. You can do the same by downloading the worksheet yourself. SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST You can get automatic updates to this podcast by subscribing on iTunes or using your favorite podcast app (just do a search for Paul Elmore).

Like an old-school hammer, gratitude is not a complex tool. But when learned how to be used correctly, it can get a lot done in a short amount of time. What To Listen For In This Episode Specific Q&A from last week’s topic of being hurt by the church. An experiential exercise in messages we tell ourselves The reticular activating system How gratitude changes the RAS Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get automatic updates to this podcast, you can subscribe at iTunes here.

When people are hurting, the church is often one of the first places they turn to find hope, comfort, and answers. Unfortunately, those things are not always readily available because of fallibility of leaders, pastors, and believers in general. Instead of finding comfort, pain in compounded. There is still hope. There are ways to appropriately deal with the original hurt while working with an imperfect community of believers. What To Listen For In This Episode Specific stories of hurt and redemption Shared responsibility in the relationship The three roles people play in a church relationship How to find resolution Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get automatic updates to this podcast, you can subscribe at iTunes here.

When things don’t go your way, it’s normal to be angry, frustrated, confused, or resentful. What you DO with those feelings either help you process through those feelings or get stuck in them longer. You may have learned that getting angry at ANYONE is not acceptable, especially God. Or you may never have learned HOW to process through your angry feelings. In this episode, we tackle both issues. What To Listen For In This Episode The three options available to us when we’re angry at God. How parenting and being angry at God are connected. A conversation with my daughter, Mychal, about maintaining and restoring relationship between fathers and daughters. How to bring your anger towards God on six different levels. Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get automatic updates to this podcast, you can subscribe at iTunes here.

Trauma has a significant impact on how we see and understand the world. It affects your deeply held beliefs about what is safe and what is dangerous. To keep yourself feeling safe, it’s common to construct tight restrictions and self-protective strategies to mitigate any potential harm. While this works, it also keeps you stuck in a self-constructed prison. What To Listen For In This Episode The greatest impact of trauma is a deep erosion in trust. Lack of trust in yourself, other people, and the world in general. How trauma affects your view of God. “A strong faith in a weak branch can be more fatal than a weak faith in a strong branch.” —Timothy Keller Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get automatic updates to this podcast, you can subscribe at iTunes here.

“It is because the meaning of life in the United States is the pursuit of pleasure and personal freedom that suffering is so traumatic for Americans.”—Dr. Paul Brand in The Gift of Pain When happiness becomes your ultimate goal, you start to create expectations that will NEVER be able to be fulfilled. Finding comfort and security in things outside of personal and immediate happiness is a new concept to many, and one that challenges a postmodern approach to the world we live in. What To Listen For In This Episode How “love forgives the most, but condones the least.” What it might look like to live with greater accountability to others. How to provide confrontation tactfully and with kindness and grace. A Sheryl Crow song. The world’s formula for happiness vs. God’s formula for happiness. Why it’s good to choose temporary pain for longterm happiness. Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get automatic updates to this podcast, you can subscribe at iTunes here.

Our world right now is extremely painful. Tragic events, confusion, chaos, fear, and anger are running rampant. Add in the personal pain of failed marriages, trauma, abuse, and crisis and life can feel completely hopeless, leaving us to ask “Why, God?” In this, the first episode of the seven week series, we look at how our own expectations of life, God, and the world contribute to some of our own pain. More importantly, we look at how our expectations are shaped through comparing three predominant world views: Pre-modernism, Postmodernism, and Modernism—otherwise known as Football, Calvinball, and Chess. Subscribe To The Podcast You can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or listen through most podcast apps. Just do a search for Paul Elmore.    

Photo Credit: ryanmilani via Compfight cc You’ve made it to the final episode of the seven week STUCK series. Well done. In this episode we spend just a few minutes going over the previous week’s objections and then fielding a variety of questions from the audience. If you have questions regarding anything you’ve heard, feel free to leave a question in the comments section and I’ll do my best to get you some answers. Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance.

  In this, the next-to-the-last episode of the STUCK podcast series, we look at the radical idea of loving those that have hurt you as a way of getting UnSTUCK. We look at the origins of this idea, how it’s played out in the media, and, most importantly, why we, as normal human beings, have such a difficult time actually being able to accept and implement this idea. People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.  Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.   ~Mother Teresa   What To Listen For In This Episode List of movies with this common theme The simple recipe for getting UnSTUCK Radical suggestions on how to relate to your culture Specific points of resistance to this idea Guidelines on HOW to relate to a hurtful person Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance.

Your emotional state—also known as your state mind—is THE #1 determinant of success in your daily life. When you’re triggered by things like hunger, pain, fear, or discouragement, trying to accomplish important things seems impossible. In this episode of the STUCK Podcast series, we do things a little differently and play around with changing our state. It’s a slight departure from the normal series, and something I hope you find encouraging. Things To Listen For In This Podcast How to “Change your state and change your life” Something called Helium Beer Long list of state changers How to get UnSTUCK by changing your state Videos Used In This Presentation (This fist video may or may not be able to be viewed seeing as I just got an email from YouTube saying I don’t have permission to show a clip from Jerry Maguire. If this is the case, I apologize for any inconvenience.) Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance.

(Photo Credit—I don’t know who owns this image, but I believe it is fantastic. If it is yours, or you know whose it is, please let me know so I can give credit where credit is highly due.) If you believe something can’t be done, you devote less effort trying to make it happen. This makes sense if you’re trying to defy the laws of gravity—it’s probably a good thing to move on and invest your energy in something else. But if the impossible thing IS possible, like getting a new job, or changing a bad relationship, or standing up for yourself in some way, then it might be time well spent figuring out how to make the impossible possible in YOUR life. What To Listen For In This Podcast A recap and re-explanation of The Grid (in a new and improved Lite version). What happens when you’re missing boxes in your grid. The four new boxes you can build to make the impossible more possible. An invitation to examine your world view. Being STUCK is often being hopeless, and how to change that. Emotional CPR. Additional Resources I came across this post yesterday from Dr. Kelly Flanagan. He hits on the same themes of the power of choosing your attitude and thoughts from Victor Frankl. Well worth the read. (Link opens in a new tab or window). Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance.

In this episode, we look at the second of three main causes of being STUCK—Curses and blessings… better known as the Pygmalion Effect. Many times, people’s opinions of you affect your self-concept and determine how successful or limited you feel and act. What To Listen For In This Podcast  A recap and real-time example of the trauma cycle. How a curse or blessing creates your decision grid. The most dangerous box in your grid. The Pygmalion Effect and how “once an expectation is held, an individual tends to act in ways that are consistent with the belief and eventually his or her actions may cause the expectation to become a reality”. How to change your grid. Elements of a blessing. How children respond without a blessing. What to do if you missed out on a blessing. Videos From Week 3 Here are the videos from this week’s presentation. [iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/k1T9-I3wx8I” align=”center”] [iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/XFxjy7f9RpY” align=”center”] [iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/DBXZWB_dNsw” align=”center”] [iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/5P5akoQ_eNI” align=”center”] [iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/1k08yxu57NA” align=”center”] [iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/ah32piLUl3c” align=”center”] (All copyrighted material is used for educational purposes only.) Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance.

In this, the second of seven podcast on being STUCK (and more importantly, how to get UnSTUCK) we look at The Trauma Cycle… one of the three common reasons you might be feeling like you can’t get where you want to be in life. Because it affects you at such a deep, core level, trauma is one of the strongest causes for feeling stuck. It impacts your feelings and emotions, your thinking process, and your physical body. It shapes your belief systems and your perceptions of reality. In this episode you’ll see how trauma comes in big and little experiences and what you can do to break the Trauma Cycle. If you want more information about STUCK (the series at Imago Dei) click here. What To Listen For In This Podcast The Trauma Cycle—Novelty/Threat, Arousal, Fight or Flight, Unsuccessful Escape, Fear and Helplessness, Immobilization (STUCK), Repeat… General Facts About Trauma. Why Trauma Is A Subjective Experience. Signs and Symptoms of Trauma—Click here to download the handout (opens in a new tab or window). Old Methods of Processing Trauma. How To Break The Trauma Cycle—Immobility, Arousal, Successful Escape, Empowerment Videos From Week 2 Here are the three videos from this week’s presentation. [iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/D5714ufpUKc” align=”center”] [iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/LsOre8tj1C4″ align=”center”] [iframe id=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/pyhV0OJK-is” align=”center”] (All copyrighted material is used for educational purposes only.) Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance.

Sometimes we all feel STUCK. We don’t like where we are, what we are, or who we are. But you also may not be sure how to get UnSTUCK. That’s what this series is all about. This is the first of seven podcasts exploring how to ACTUALLY promote change in your life and how to take the one, two, or three steps you need to become a healthier person. Episode 1—What To Listen For In this episodes, be listening for the following key elements: Three ways people become stuck. How strong emotional experiences create associations that are difficult to break. The list of strong emotional experiences that contribute to being stuck. What’s the difference between Child-state vs. Adult-state. Goals for the series—To get you unstuck. Traditional ways people have tried to get themselves unstuck. (click here to watch Video 1 and Video 2—Links open in new tab or window) How STUCK (the series) will help get you UnSTUCK. And the most important question of the night… If you want more information about STUCK (the series at Imago Dei) click here. P.S. There were a few “technical difficulties” and you’ll hear a couple skips and clips. I’ve taken care of the issue so hopefully, the rest of the series will be gremlin-free. Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance.

The biggest question I got from last week’s episode was “HOW do you go from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset?” It’s not easy to change, but it IS possible. Since a fixed mindset usually is learned through experiences, the way you change is intentionally create new experiences for yourself that will challenge the mindset. In fact, in all of the research I’ve been studying everything points to the act of DOING as THE way of making significant change in your life. Knowledge is not enough. Knowledge put into action is necessary. In This Episode You’ll Hear About… Learned Helplessness—How encountering failure and failure can put you into a mindset that believes success is no longer an option, so why try. The Sunk Cost Fallacy—Once you’ve made an investment, it’s harder to get out of a bad situation. Confirmation Bias—Allowing information in that confirms our negative beliefs while filtering out any information that could actually help us change. Heightened Emotional States—The reason why we believe what we believe in the first place. The I-SUCK Method of Change—Identify, Senses, Understand, Challenge By Choice, and Konnection. The Overcoming Limiting Beliefs Workshop—I’m tired of just talking about change. I want to provide a context for people to ACTUALLY change through a safe and encouraging experience. Click here to find out more. Videos Used In This Episode [youtube id=”TU7RBqTndJ8″ align=”center” autoplay=”no”] Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, just subscribe to the podcast. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance. Photo Credit

Events are inherently neutral. It is your perspective that determines if something is good or bad. The good news is (actually, it’s REALLY good news) is that you have full control over your perspective of events and experiences of life. YOU get to determine how you move through life. Sometimes, perspectives change. Think back to the job you got fired from and how bad you felt. But also think back to how thankful you were when you were able to move to a better opportunity. Getting fired is neutral. Your perspective makes it good or bad. You can learn how to have this type of adaptability. In this podcast, you’ll be introduced to: The Luck Experiment—Learn how to flip heads on a coin 10 times in a row. Survivorship Bias—The danger of comparing yourself only to the winners in this world. Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset—Comparing the differences in brain activity, emotional focus, attitudes about effort, and attitudes about failure. Navy SEALS—and why they tend to quit over breakfast. Plus (an extra bonus!)—A counter-intuitive model of relationships Videos In This Podcast In this podcast you’ll hear excerpt from this full video by Derren Brown—The System. [youtube id=”9R5OWh7luL4″ align=”center”]   Photo Credit

There are no easy answers when it comes to grieving. There is no way to escape certain levels of pain. And grieving can not be reduced to a simple formula. At it’s very root, grieving is wrestling with the bigger question of pain. Why do we have to endure pain in this world? Why do bad things happen to good people? Things to Listen For What is the purpose of grieving? (Answer—it’s the process of moving from one normal to a new normal) “Time does not heal. Rather, it is how we use our time to grieve that helps us to heal.” Some of the common elements of grieving: Shock Stage Suffering Stage Recovery Stage Things that hinder the grieving process Helpful things you can do to help the grieving process Special circumstances of grieving Printed Notes Click to Download the notes for this episode. (.pdf will open in new window/tab) Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, just subscribe to the podcast. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance. Photo Credit

  You’ve heard that forgiveness is an important step in the healing process. But HOW to forgive is not always as clear. In this episode we look at the 4 Steps to Forgiveness. Identifying the injury and its impact—How did you get hurt? What does it cost you? What is the long term impact? Making the injury your own—Giving up pretending that nothing happened to you and realizing that your world will never be the same again. Identifying the responsible party—If no one is responsible, then there is no one to forgive. Why is it hard to place responsibility on others? How rationalization and justification are used to try to keep you safe. Balancing the accounts—Looking forward and not backward. Putting up boundaries. Choosing to no longer seek anything from the offender. Video/Music From This Episode [youtube id=”FmUGekcTuLM” align=”center”] Printed Notes Click to download the printed notes. (.pdf opens in new window/ tab) Click to download the 4 Steps To Forgiveness Worksheets. (.pdf opens in new window/tab) Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, just subscribe to the podcast. (link opens in new window or tab) Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance. Photo Credit

In this episode we go over several of the primary topics covered in Failure101 including the purpose of failure, shame vs. Guilt, and Forgiveness. Three Things to Listen For Mistakes are okay, survivable, and necessary for me to grow. Mistakes are an event, NOT a person. Forgiveness is a necessary part of failure in order to grow. Videos From The Episode Here are the videos I showed during the class. [youtube id=”o2BITY-3Mp4″ align=”center”] [youtube id=”EIkywrKVWAo” align=”center”] Printed Notes Click to download the printed notes. (.pdf opens in new window or tab) Want To Get Each Episode? Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, just subscribe to the podcast. (link opens in new window or tab) (Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance.) Photo Credit

(This is the first of a 6 week series on Failure. Each week is presented live at Imago Dei’s Refuge in Portland, Oregon. The people at Imago have been kind enough to allow me to come back each summer and present on a variety of topics including Failure1o1, Shame, Relationships, and Self Esteem.) Want To Get Each Episode? Subscribe To The Podcast If you want to get each episode automatically, just subscribe to the podcast. (link opens in new window or tab) (Also, please take a minute and leave a review on iTunes. The more reviews the podcast receives the more people will be able to see it. Thanks in advance.) Failure201: Week 1—Positive Uncertainty Positive Uncertainty is a philosophy for making decisions when you don’t know what the future will be, which is all the time. It begins with two main attitudes: First, you need to accept the uncertainty of the future because the future is real and inevitable. No one has been to your future. There are no advance scouts, guides or road maps. Second, you need to be positive about this uncertainty because it is better than certainty. If the future were certain or even predictable, the only choice is to prepare for it. By being uncertain you allow yourself to be a proactive decision maker instead of a reactive decision maker. The Four Concepts in Positive Uncertainty Be focused and flexible about what you want. Be aware and wary about what you know. Be realistic and optimistic about what you believe. Do whole-body decision making. In this podcast episode we look at each one of these topics and describe in detail how they play out in your life. Printed Notes Click to download the printed notes. (.pdf opens in new window or tab)   Photo Credit

This is the last podcast of the series and one of the more important ones. It will sound significantly different than the rest of the podcasts, but listen all the way through. If you have comments, thoughts, or strong feelings about this podcast, feel free to leave comments below. The Movie At about the 17:30 minute mark in this podcast, we watched a snippet of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. We focused on the scenes where Edmund is rescued from the White Witch, when she comes to claim what is rightfully hers, and the sacrifice Aslan makes on his behalf. If you haven’t seen the movie, I’d suggest getting it and watching it before listening to the podcast. It will make a little more sense. A Receptive State of Mind In this podcast, I left in the opening Presence exercise we use every week to help those attending the class to become fully present and open to being there. Here’s the steps we move through each week: P—Presence—Aware of feelings walking into the room. R—Relax—Emotions are in our physical body O—Openness—Being able to conceive that you can be different is essential B—Breathe—You can change your emotional state most easily by breathing L—Listen—What does God want you to hear right now? E—Expression—What does God need to know right now? M—Meet Someone—This is a shared journey. Know who you’re sitting by Benefits of Confession C.S. Lewis explains repentance as “unlearning all the self-conceit and self will that we have been training ourselves into.. it means killing part of yourself, undergoing a kind of death.” Here are some significant benefits of the confession of sin, the acceptance of yourself as a flawed person, and having a penitent heart. Penitence is simply defined as “repentance: remorse for your past conduct.” Penitence makes me realistic about myself—As soon as I say, “Lord, Have Mercy on me a Sinner” all the self delusions fall away and I can begin to see myself as I really am. Penitence makes me realistic about other people—Not only realistic, but compassionate. If I’m a struggling sinner, then so is everyone else. When they make mistakes against me, I can understand and be compassionate. Penitence makes me realistic about God—If I’m a sinner and see myself clearly, then I suddenly see God clearly too. I cut through the sentimentality or the fear or whatever false image of God I have and should be able to see him as the loving and forgiving Father. Penitence makes me able to learn—You can’t learn anything if you think you know it all. You can’t learn to be righteous is you think you already are. Penitence makes me aware of my need for God—The cry “O Lord make haste to help me!” is the cry of a person in need. We can only be given what we need when we ask for what we need and we can only ask if we first realize we have a need. Penitence opens my heart—The hardened heart is a fearful thing, and no one who is truly penitent can have a hardened heart. Penitence takes me to the heart of humanity—When I am penitent I see the whole human condition and therefore the whole of human culture, history and relationships from a new and amazing light. Penitence makes me humble Penitence brings me down to earth—Down where I ought to be. Penitence gives me joy—Sorrow first, then joy. Main benefit of Confession—It removes any false guilt I’ve been lugging around by reminding me that I’m forgiven. Source

  A Night At The Movies This week was a little different in the Self Esteem Series. We spent the night looking at stories and characters from modern movies that became transformed by the adventures they experienced. (I’d suggest watching all the movies discussed. Here’s the list: The Matrix, Ben-Hur, The Lord of The Ring Series, Star Wars, It’s a Wonderful Life, The Color Purple, Cars, The Incredibles, Up, Finding Nemo). (Here’s the handout we used in this podcast) At the end of the evening, we came to one conclusion—becoming a different person usually requires struggle, pain, and difficulty. There is no way around it. If you’re going to become a different person, you will endure discomfort. It is this discomfort that produces resilience. It is this discomfort that forces you to start thinking differently about your life. It is this discomfort that causes you to find new and creative solutions. Without the prompting of pain, you stay the same. Period. Instead of trying to avoid the pain and struggle, step into it. Willingly. Intentionally. Plan on getting bruised and battered. And know that you will heal. And you will be changed. I Was. I Am. I Will Be This is an exercise where you see yourself as progressing instead of being stuck in a particular self-perception. Here’s how it works. “I Was”—How did you identify or perceive yourself when you were younger, or earlier in your life? What did other people say about you? How were you labeled? “I Am”—How do you see yourself today? What labels would you put on yourself today? “I Will Be”—Who do you want to be? How do you want to see youself? You write your own story. What type of character do you want to be? Write each of these things on a separate note (we used sticky notes) and place them somewhere you can see them. Notice that no one ever remains the same. You have the option and ability to change (we call that openness in the series—you’re open to the idea that you can change). Even if you’re not happy with yourself now, or how your life HAS been, what do you want your life to look like tomorrow? And the next day? Photo Credit

Everyone gets stuck in their thinking every once in a while. It’s when you become permanently stuck in that you begin to have real problems. That’s when you’re in a mental rut. In this episode of the Self Esteem Podcast, we’ll be looking at some of the common reasons why you can’t take action when action is necessary and the fears that come from thinking outside of the box We’ll also cover: The Five Perspectives Perspective 1—Seeing things from our own point of view Perspective 2—Seeing things from someone else’s point of view Perspective 3—Distancing yourself from the situation and seeing it as an independent observer Perspective 4—The role you play in the family system. (scapegoat, clown, rescuer, etc…) Perspective 5—God’s perspective What happens if you get stuck in one perspective? Perspective 1—Egotist, self-centered Perspective 2—”Codependent” losing themselves, over-influenced by other people’s point of view. Perspective 3—Detached and unfeeling, cold-hearted, loners of the world. Perspective 4—Rescuers, victim-mentality. Perspective 5—Over-spiritualization

In this episode of the Self Esteem Podcast we discuss how to start changing your thinking patterns. Here’s some of the stuff we cover: Tools To Promote Change Childlike Curiosity—wonder, Christmas and bugs etc… Experimentation—willingness to try things just to see what will happen. Best vs. right—you may not have all the information, make the best decision with the information you have at the time. Total certainty is not possible. Headlight principle. Acceptance—Instead of trying to talk yourself out of thinking or feeling what you’re feeling, you can simply accept that this issue is what you’re struggling with and trust that a solution will make itself clear to you. 10 Cognitive Distortions All-or-Nothing Thinking—Using terms like “always” “never” “every”. If your performance falls short in any way, you view yourself as a TOTAL failure Overgeneralization—Seeing a single negative event as a never ending pattern of defeat. Mental Filter—Focusing exclusively on certain, usually negative or upsetting, aspects of something while ignoring the rest. Disqualifying The Positive—Continually “shooting down” positive experiences for arbitrary, ad hoc reasons. “Good stuff doesn’t count”. Jumping To Conclusions—Assuming something negative where there is actually no evidence to support it. Mind Reading – assuming the intentions of others. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check it out. Fortune Telling – anticipating that things will turn out badly, you feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact. Magnification and Minimization—Often the positive characteristics of other people are exaggerated and negatives understated. Catastrophizing – focusing on the worst possible outcome, however unlikely. Thinking that a situation is unbearable or impossible when it is really just uncomfortable: “I can’t stand this.” Emotional Reasoning—Making decisions and arguments based on how you feel rather than objective reality. Shoulding—Concentrating on what you think “should” or ought to be rather than the actual situation. Labeling and Mislabeling—Rather than describing the specific behavior, you assign a label to someone or yourself that puts them in absolute and unalterable negative terms. Personalization and Blame—Personalization occurs when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn’t entirely under your control. Blaming other people or their circumstances for their problems, and overlooking ways that they might be contributing to the problem. How To Change Your Mind Map If you want to start changing your negative self image, it’s best to do that in the moment. Here are the areas you’re going to want to examine. Use this worksheet to help capture the negative thoughts. Cause and Effect—Owning and being responsible for your experiences. Most people are at effect most of the time. Most people believe that stuff is being done to them. Your boss is the reason your job is bad. Being at “cause” is taking 100% of the responsibility for the things that happen in your life. You may not ACTUALLY be responsible, but if you act as if you are, then you’ll experience empowerment instead of helplessness. You’ll take the action necessary to achieve your goals. Results vs. Excuses—Avoiding reasons why you don’t have what you want. If the reward is great enough we overcome our excuses. Excuses are usually related to limiting beliefs you have. Perception is Projection—The external world that you see is actually a projection of your mind based upon the heavily cut down stream of information filtered through all your expectations and desires. You only see what you expect to see. Mind/body Connection—Thoughts affect our physical body. How you talk to yourself will not only affect your behavior and your results but also have a critical affect on your health—your physical well being. Responsibility for Results—You are able to respond however you like. You are 100% responsible for your world. No one can create the results for you.

Mind maps are the internal representation of the outside world. They are how you “see” the world and how you feel safe. Every second you are receiving millions of pieces of information that you take in through your 5 senses—Sight, Hearing, Taste, Smell, and Touch. This information makes up your mind map. But not all the information is accurate. Filters You can’t process that much information consciously, so you start to filter some of it. Here are some of the ways you filter the information: Deletion—Because something’s not important you ignore it completely. Distortion—Believing something is truly different that it really is (mistaking a stick for a snake) Generalization—Assuming that all experiences are going to be the same as a past experience. Values—What things are important to you? Attitudes—What position do you already hold in this situation? Language—What words do you use to describe your experience? Memory—What did you do in the past in this type of situation? Meta-Programs—Are you an Introvert/Extrovert, Sensor/Intuitor, Thinker/Feeler, Judger/Perceiver Tools To Change Self Perception Here is an introduction to the basic tools for changing your self perception. I’ll go into more detail later in the podcast series. Childlike Curiosity—Having wonder, awe and surprise at many of the things in life you use to make judgments about. Experimentation—A willingness to try things just to see what will happen. Best vs. Right—You may not have all the information, but you have to make the best decision with the information you have at the time. Total certainty is not possible.

(Okay. After a minor interruption in podcast service I think we’re up and running again.) How Your Self Perception Was Shaped “No child can ‘see’ himself directly. He only sees himself from the reflections of others.” This episode of the Self Esteem series we look at how your self image has been shaped by your early childhood, parents, and experiences that everyone goes through. The Triune Brain Early in this episode we discuss how the brain is thought to work and the three different parts of the brain: Reptilian Brain—Controls fight, flight, or freeze response, hunger, sex, sleep Limbic Brain—Feelings, emotions, relationship bonding Neo-Cortex—Thinking, rational, advanced planning, and understand of time Things That Were Covered 93% of communication is nonverbal. First 6 months of development is growing the limbic brain. “Loving your kids is not enough. Doing the things so the CHILD FEELS loved (limbic brain) is the most essential.” Attitudes and actions are the MOST influential, not the words. Parents are all-knowing and god like. “These all-powerful gods treat me as I deserve to be treated. What they say about me IS what I am.” Society shapes kids and naturally gifted kids tend to get chosen and sought out. Mixed messages and the idea that kids always listen to the nonverbal over the verbal message. Being honest with children and living a congruent life. Temper openness with appropriateness. Love is a genuine encounter with psychological safety. “Children are programmed for inner presence. Without it, time together is wasted or even harmful. Yet, how frequently we give presents rather than presence.” It’s when we put actions into a context that we place values of good or bad on it. What I Wish I Had Know Before I Had Kids (That I Know Now) Dawn Hallman—Dallas Association for Parent Education, dallasparents.org I wish I had know that my children’s behavior was a language—that their actions and words were telling me something about what they were feeling and thinking. I wish I’d remembered that they did not get up in the morning plotting to do things to frustrate me. I wish I’d known that meltdowns and explosions usually meant my kids were tired, or hungry, or bored or frustrated themselves. I wish I’d known that they needed an adult to help them find the words to express what was troubling them. But they sure didn’t need a frustrated adult. I wish I’d known more about child development, brain development and behavior. I wish I’d known that growing up is a slow process. I wish I’d known how each development stage has its own way of seeing the world. I wish I’d known that most times they saw things very differently from me. I wish I’d listened more to what was true about their hearts and spirits and personalities than worrying about what other people thought about their behavior.”  

“Often what we call ‘thinking’ is merely recycling the opinions of others.”—Nathaniel Branden This is the first of seven podcasts in the Self Esteem And The Art Of Self Acceptance series being delivered at Imago Dei. Here’s some of the stuff we covered in this episode: “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” ― Mark Twain Conceit is whitewash to cover low self esteem. With high self esteem you don’t waste time and energy impressing others. You already know you have value Scripture assumes self love Acceptance is unconditional and based on value. Approval is conditional Acknowledge that we are flawed and broken Three Core Components Of Self Compassion Treating ourselves with kindness instead of harsh self judgment. Recognize our common Humanity Mindfulness and not trying to change the things we can’t Number one reason… we believe we need our self criticism to MOTIVATE ourselves. In reality, when we criticize ourselves, we are tapping into the body’s self defense system. Becks Depression Triad The self as worthless The outer world as meaningless The future as hopeless Depressed people feel as if they deserve to be punished. Core Christian Tools For Self Compassion Who We Are In Christ A fair and righteous judge Relationship—Having someone know our flaws and still accept us is the number one therapeutic tool. Conclusion People who experienced self-compassion were more likely to see their weaknesses as CHANGEABLE. Self-compassion—far from taking them off the hook—actually increased their motivation to improve and avoid the same mistake again in the future.

What do you do when the mistake you’ve made—or even worse, the mistake someone else has made—and there is no possible way to make it right? Are you stuck forever? Are you destined to hurt forever. In this episode of Failure 101 we talk about the built-in system that each of us is equipped with to deal with just such a scenario. It’s called grieving. The grieving process is simply the time it take to move from one normal to another normal. That process is not always easy… or fun. But it is part of this fragile life we each live, and it is one of the best gifts each of us has been given. Enjoy.

I’ve become convinced that forgiveness is one of the most essential skills you need to learn if you’re going to lead a healthy and balanced life. Forgiveness is not easy. Especially when you’re the one who’s made a mistake and you have to ask it of someone else. Even harder is the ability to forgive yourself—to stop continually accusing yourself of the wrong you’ve done. In this episode of Failure 101, learn what forgiveness is and isn’t, why it’s important to do, and, most importantly, HOW to take the beginning steps to giving and receiving forgiveness.  

There is a common belief that “If I screw up, someone is going to get mad at me.” The fear that failure will ALWAYS lead to conflict is another motivator for us to be terrified of making mistakes. Can failure NOT lead to conflict? Yes. Wanna learn how? Good. This episode of Failure 101 focuses on just that topic. Enjoy.

Episode 4 of Failure 101 talks about the balance sheet many of you carry in your head. Whenever you make a mistake, it’s a mark against you, and you have to somehow make up for every and all mistakes you make. The reality of the world we live in is that, sometimes, there is nothing that we can do to fix our failures. Somehow, we have to get comfortable with the idea that we are not perfect and we can’t maintain a “perfect record”. Once you are able to accept yourself in your imperfection, you’ll find out that a sense of peace and contentment shows up in your life. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense, but it works. Enjoy.

When you’ve made mistakes over and over… and when you’ve experienced the pain, disappointment, and frustration that follows those mistakes, it’s common to move into a place that says, “I don’t want to try anymore.” New things become very uncomfortable. And yet, without the willingness to step into new places and experiences, we end up stuck. Stale. Rotting. In this episode, we discuss the necessity of taking risks, how to let go of control, and how to trust again, despite the reality that you still might make more mistakes and you still might get hurt.  

One of the painful consequences of failure is the impact it has on your self-perception. It can make you doubt yourself, your choices, your skills, your worth, and your value. In essence, it’s a common belief that your mistakes make you a bad person. Fortunately, that might not be totally true. Unfortunately, that lie sets deep roots and can sometimes be a pain in the butt to break lose. In this second episode of Failure 101 we talk about how to overcome failures and why it has such a profound impact on how you view yourself.

Three years ago I taught a series called Failure101. I thought I’d make it available again for those that may be new to my podcast or those that wanted to hear it again. I hope you find it helpful. P.S. If you haven’t yet, this is where you can subscribe to my podcast. No One Likes To Fail The bad news is, its part of the human condition and can’t be avoided. You may have spent a lot of time and energy trying to avoid failure. You’re afraid if you fail it means you aren’t good enough (shame) or you won’t be accepted (conditional love). Instead Of Being Afraid Of Failure, Wouldn’t It Be Nice To… … know how to learn from your mistakes. … separate who you are from what you’ve done. … know how to forgive yourself and others when mistakes are made. Redeem Your Mistakes With Failure 101 The Failure 101 series looks at the common issues that are related to failing. Why failing hurts so much. Failures often shape how we view ourselves. Learn the difference between shame and guilt. Learning how to take healthy risks again after major failures. When we fail, we often pursue more control. Instead, learn how to truly live in grace. Failures often lead to conflict. Learn how to have productive fights. When others fail us, learn why and how to forgive (and how to forgive yourself). When failures can’t be fixed, learned how to grieve effectively. Mother Teresa said… “…our community is not composed of those who are already saints, but of those who are trying to become saints. Therefore, let us be extremely patient with each other’s faults and failures.”  

God, the Creator of the Universe, wants to be in relationship with you. Yes, he is different than you in substance and essence. But He is still able to relate personally and practically each day with you. Some Things To Remember He is Spirit and communicates through your spirit. It’s different than speaking to another created being. But it is just as real. You can learn how to speak His dialect. The more sensitive you are to your own spirit and able to recognize and identify your own thoughts, feelings, and emotions the better you’ll be able to communicate with God. Your relationship with your family, and primarily your father, sets the “tone” of what your relationship with God looks like. If your father was distant and dismissive, then there’s a good chance you view God with similar characteristics. Things That Get In The Way There are beliefs, experiences, and perceptions that can hinder a healthy relationship with God. Having “other gods” in your life—“Everyone gets their identity, their sense of being distinct and valuable, from somewhere or something .” If you find your value in what you do, what you look like, what you have, etc… then you’ve created a relationship that you depend on that isn’t God. “Our need for worth is so powerful that whatever we base our identity and value on we essentially “deify.” We will look to it with all the passion and intensity of worship and devotion, even if we think of ourselves as highly irreligious.” Hating Grace—Do you do good works to prove that you are good, or do you do good works because you’ve been made good by God. Trying to earn a relationship with God puts the focus on you and not on Him. It’s not always easy to accept unconditional love, but it is very importnat. Wounded Assumptions—If you assume that God is mad at you, wants nothing to do with you, can’t understand you, doesn’t care about you, or is tired of you then it’s going to be difficult to have an open and trusting relationship with Him. A Few Practical Things The following things will help you establish a growing relationship with God. Love the things He loves—including yourself. Adopt a soft, receptive attitude. Learn how to be still, both physically as well as emotionally.    

What is the purpose of having romantic relationships? Why do we tend to pair up with other individuals? I believe the answer is to “experience a little piece of heaven.” Literally. Heaven is fully knowing each other and your Creator. No sin. No fear. No shame. No hiding. Nothing that gets in the way of being connected to each other. I believe that here on earth it takes so much energy to overcome all the fear and shame in being vulnerable that we really only get to experience that with one person at a time.  And even then, it takes a life time to learn how to do well. But if you get to experience being fully seen and intimate, you’ll realize that there really is nothing better. It’s what we’re built for. Important Quotes In this podcast episode I shared several quotes from Timothy Keller’s book Reason For God. I think it’s important that you be able to read them for yourself, so here they are. “In many areas of life, freedom is not so much the absence of restrictions as finding the right ones, the liberating restrictions. Those that fit with the reality of our nature and the world produce greater power and scope for our abilities and a deeper joy and fulfillment.” “One of the principles of love… is that you have to lose independence to attain greater intimacy. If you want the “freedom” of love—the fulfillment, security, sense of worth that it brings—you must limit your freedom in many ways. You cannot enter a deep relationship and still make unilateral decisions or allow your lover no say in how you life your life. To experience the joy and freedom of love, you must give up your personal autonomy.” “For a love relationship to be healthy, there must be a mutual loss of independence. It can’t be just one way. Both sides must say to the other, “I will adjust to you. I will change for you. I’ll serve you even though it means a sacrifice for me.” if only one party does all the sacrificing and giving, and the other does all the ordering and taking, the relationship will be exploitative and will oppress and distort the lives of both people.” This one’s from C.S. Lewis “Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. the alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation.”  The Practical Stuff These are some of the things that are necessary for healthy romantic relationships: Time & Intimacy—Time is a great filter. The more time you spend with someone the more facets you get to see of their lives. Relationships that take things slowly and move deeper in intimacy at a moderate pace tend to have safer relationships. Equitable & Shared Values—Both people have to have a shared investment in the relationship. That equity and balanced commitment level means each person shares the load of responsibility for the success of the relationship. We-ness—“We only become ourselves in love, and yet healthy love relationships involve mutual, unselfish service, a mutual loss of independence.” The 2 ‘S’s—Men’s primary need is significance. Women’s primary need is security. 99% (if not more) of all relationship conflicts center around one of these areas. Men Set The Tone In The Home—For some reason, men have a greater responsibility of setting the emotional tone in the home. This is part of the leadership role for men. A spiritual man is someone who recognizes that HOW they do things is just as important as WHAT they are doing. The #1 Thing To Look For In A Romantic Partner—The desire to grow, improve, and change. Warning Signs Of Bad Romantic Relationships Physically or emotionally making promises they can’t keep Power struggles and controlling behaviors Avoidance and emotional unavailability—Romance is inherently vulnerable by design Reactivity instead of proactivity The Four Horsemen (that predict divorce)—Gottman Criticism:  Attacking your partner’s personality or character, usually with the intent of making someone right and someone wrong Contempt:  Attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse him/her Defensiveness:  Seeing self as the victim, warding off a perceived attack Stonewalling:  Withdrawing from the relationship as a way to avoid conflict.  Partners may think they are trying to be “neutral” but stonewalling conveys disapproval, icy distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness Photo Credit

In this podcast we are continuing the Affinitas series and talking about healthy friendships. Right about the 17 minute mark there is a video that we watched that was put out by Coca Cola. It’s a great example of what we’re talking about in the episode. That same video is below. Take a few minutes and watch why having good friends is important. Elements Of Healthy Friendships The following things are the foundational elements to healthy friendships. Equitable—You both get something productive and beneficial from the relationship. No one person has all the power or control. Both of you are self-confident and self-competent. Shared Experiences—You have to has some shared interestes in order to have common grounds and shared goals. This is the video we watched in the class. Appropriate Conflict—Not all conflict is bad. Healthy conflict can mean there is a high level of trust in the relationship. Agression is undisciplined assertiveness. Long-suffering—Healthy friendships assume the best of each other and give the benefit of the doubt when problems arise. Encourages Growth—People change. People should change. Good friendships hope to see you improve and become a better person, and you hope the same for them. Shared Values—Values are WHY  you do what you do. Healthy friendships have to be moving in the same direction and are motivated by the same things. Be A Good Friend And Please Share If you find this podcast helpful, please use the button below to share on Facebook, Twitter, or Google+. Also, comments are always welcomed and enjoyed, both on this post or especially on iTunes. Thanks.

In the entire Affinitas series, if I could spend more time on one subject, it would be this one—How to have a better relationship with yourself. So many people believe you have to be critical of yourself, berate yourself, put yourself down, or be extra critical of yourself in order to be a good person. In reality, these things end up causing more damage than help. Focusing On The How There is a ton of information on WHY to love yourself and WHAT it looks like, but there is very little good information on HOW to actually change those beliefs. Why is that? I’m convinced it’s because most people don’t actually know how to change those things. The common how-to’s are “try to talk yourself into liking yourself better” or “Just accept yourself.” All of those things may work later on, but there is a more important factor at work. The Belief Level What we want and need is easy to describe. “I want to be happier.” “I want more friends.” “I want to like myself better.” But there is a deeper level where your beliefs about yourself and your world shape what you actually do in life. You may want more friends, but if your beliefs are telling you, “But no one would really want you around” then you ‘re going to be living out that truth in your life. If you don’t change on the belief level, then real, long-lasting change will never happen. How To Change The Belief Level Most of your beliefs about life were shaped before the ages of 5 or 6. They were shaped by the experiences you had. The things that you view as “real” and “true” are actually your interpretations of the events at the time and may not actually be true. When you start to question your reality, then you start to be open to changing your self-limiting beliefs. And once you’re open to new ideas and realities, all sorts of things change and become different for you. Now, after you become open to challenging your reality, you need to start giving yourself different experiences. After all, it was experiences that shaped you in the first place and it will be new, different, better experiences that help shape your new reality about yourself. What Next I’d enjoy hearing your thoughts and comments on how to change your relationship with yourself. Please leave a comment here or on iTunes. If you want to subscribe to the podcast and hear the entire series, click here. Feel free to share with your friends and neighbors using the Facebook, Twitter, or Google+ buttons below. And Thanks. Photo Credit

Affinitas Week 3 This week is the catch up from last week’s Affinitas class. We finish talking about about the 3 Biggest Problems For Family Relationships, focusing mainly on the last two reasons: As an adult, you still relate to your parents through childish rules Your values as an adult clash with the family rules and values Class Resources Below is The Bow Tie Principle. It describes how the relationship between parents and children is supposed to look as well as providing descriptions of the major needs of each age group.   In the class we also talked about The Codependent Roles people learn to adapt in their families. Finally, we talked about Parents With A Family History Of Trauma and how they relate to their children. Come Join Us If you want to personally attend next week’s class, this is where you can find out all the information. We’d love to have you. Subscribe To The Podcast The easiest way to listen to all 7 weeks of the Affinitas series, as well as every other podcast episode, is to subscribe to the Podcast via iTunes. It’s as easy as clicking the button below. Also, please take a few minutes and leave a comment and rating on iTunes. It really helps improve the ranking of the podcast making it easier for others to find it.  Thanks. If you like what you’ve heard, please use the Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ buttons below to let the world know. Thanks. Photo Credit