Recovering Out Loud

Your feelings are real — but they're not reality. That's the line that reframed how I do recovery, and it's the heart of today's Borrowed Wisdom.I'm reading the highlight quotes from one of my favourite speaker tapes — Don M. on emotional sobriety — and adding my own lived-experience take. This one's about the crux of staying sober long-term: your feelings are valid, but they don't get to run the show.We get into:Creating space between a feeling and an action — including a near-miss with a Tesla in a downtown Toronto bike lane, and the one thing recovery gave me: the pauseThe "illness of superlatives" and all-or-nothing thinkingReframing addiction from the worst thing that ever happened to me into the greatest giftWhy "first thought wrong" keeps showing up disguised as common senseNot buying into resentment, and letting go of outcomes — trusting the author when I can't see the planRecovery as a doing program, not a thinking oneRock bottom as a decision I've got a world of control overThe one contrary action that separates the person who stays sober from the one who can'tIf you're struggling today, I hope one line in here lands for you. You're not as stuck as your brain is telling you.Peer perspective only — this isn't medical or clinical advice. If you're in crisis or need real help, reach out to someone you trust or a local support service.New here? Start with the pinned "Best place to start" episode on the show page.This episode is supported by New Beginnings Recovery Home (newbeginningsrecovery.ca). If you or someone you love needs a supportive place to land, DM the word HOME and our automation will point you in the right direction. (Disclosed partnership.)Recovering Out Loud — Real stories.

What do you do when someone close to you goes back out? In this solo episode I talk through what it's actually like when someone in your circle relapses — the fear, the grief, the guilt, and the relief nobody admits out loud. I've been on both sides of it: I've watched people I love relapse, and I've been the one people were trying to reach when I went back out after seven and a half years. This is lived experience, peer to peer — what helped me, what didn't, and how to support someone without setting yourself on fire to keep them warm.If no one has told you yet today: I love you, and recovery is simple, not easy.⚠️ Need help right now? This episode is in partnership with New Beginnings Recovery Home — an inpatient treatment centre near the Scarborough Bluffs. If you or someone you love is ready to reach out: ➡️ https://newbeginningsrecovery.ca/contact-us.html 📞 1-888-639-6308

Joe got laid off in July, ended up in a trap house by the weekend, and figured he had the summer off. By September he had a DUI, a car that had flipped twice and landed ten feet from a family's bedroom window, a second crash, and a Facebook post about him shared twelve hundred times that he found out about from a friend on the couch beside him.He was three weeks into rehab before he thought he was an addict. In this one he tells me what actually turned it: not a counselor, not a speech — a guest speaker with the same name and the same story, which killed the idea that he was special. Then a 45-page disclosure, two hours of hard truth, twenty character reference letters, and a judge who said he didn't have enough ties to the community to stay out of jail.We get into emotional illiteracy and the feelings wheel he couldn't make sense of. The fear inventory where he wrote down "horses." Working in this field without going numb. Why he thinks a certain kind of gossip is actually accountability. Why stagnation scares him more than craving. And the best advice he's ever gotten — stay open to information from anywhere, because you have no idea who's carrying it.Joe does a lot of quiet work in this community. This one's honest all the way through.If you're struggling: reach out to someone. That's the whole ask.Recovering Out Loud is a peer-led recovery podcast. I'm someone in recovery talking to other people in recovery. Nothing here is treatment advice.New episodes twice a week. Follow the show on Spotify and leave a rating — it's the fastest way to help someone find it. Instagram: @recoveringoutloudpod

I didn't wake up one day and decide to use after seven and a half years. The relapse started weeks — months — before the first drink or drug. I just called it a rough patch and looked away.This one lives in the space before relapse: the quiet drift most of us miss until it's too late. I walk through 10 warning signs I wish I'd caught in myself, from pulling away from support to romanticizing the past to the slow fading of purpose. Not a checklist to scare you — a mirror.I'm not here as an expert. I'm here as someone who relapsed, came back, and is grateful to be sober today. If one of these signs is flashing for you right now, you're not failing recovery. You caught it. That's a deposit.If this helped, follow the show wherever you're listening and leave a rating — it's how the next person finds it.Need help right now? This episode is brought to you in partnership with New Beginnings Recovery Home, an inpatient treatment centre near the Scarborough Bluffs. If you or someone you love is ready to reach out: https://newbeginningsrecovery.ca — or call 1-888-639-6308.

Another Borrowed Wisdom episode — I read the highlight clips from a Bob talk that shifted something in me, and reflect on them one at a time.This one lands hard on the stuff nobody tells you when you first put the drink down: that the real problem starts where the bottle ends. Bob talks about being restless, irritable and discontent as a little kid, long before he ever picked up. The "disease of more" that no amount of drinking, drugs, or even getting jacked at the gym could ever fill. And the scariest place I've ever been in my own recovery — the dry drunk. Sober, but not living.We get into geographic escapes that don't work, the redwoods that topple when they grow alone, and why community is the thing that replaced the drink for me. It closes where it always seems to: everything you want is on the other side of the action you're avoiding.Chapters below. This is lived experience and peer perspective — one addict sharing what's kept me sober one more day.If this helped, follow Recovering Out Loud on whatever platform you're on and leave a rating — it's the thing that helps the next person find it. Recovery is simple. Not easy.Need help? Visit https://newbeginningsrecovery.ca/

Everyone in recovery preaches gratitude. Almost nobody tells you it can feel completely fake when you're hurting.In this solo episode I get into what gratitude actually is in recovery — the difference between the performative "#blessed" version and the real thing — why it's so hard early on and after a relapse, and how I practice it without lying to myself. I talk about grateful for the rock bottoms, the boring wins of sobriety, gratitude as an action instead of a feeling, and the traps to avoid (bypassing, comparison, forcing it).This isn't "be positive and your problems disappear." It's a real look at gratitude as a tool — what it does, why it's hard, and how to actually use it.What helped me might help you. Recovery is simple, not easy.🎧 Follow Recovering Out Loud so you don't miss an episode. 📩 DM me on Instagram @recoveringoutloudpod — I answer every message.

Getting sober doesn't automatically make you a good person. Remove the alcohol or the drugs and you're left with the same wiring — the self-centeredness, the main-character syndrome, the 100 forms of self-centered fear that ran the show all along. The problem starts where the bottle ends.In this solo episode, Anthony talks honestly about the selfishness that outlasts the substance: the sneaky forms it takes in sobriety (recovery self-absorption, keeping score in relationships, using sobriety as a moral trump card, hiding behind "I'm working on myself"), why self-obsession is a real relapse risk, and the oldest fix there is — getting out of self through service.This is self-honesty, not self-hatred. Noticing your own selfishness is the growth, not proof that you're a bad person.Shared from lived experience, one addict to another. If this lands with you, the greatest payment I can receive is a follow — it helps the next person struggling find the show.

She had 11 months sober — then relapsed over an argument she'd only ever had in her own head.Jen returns to the show to walk through what came next: eight months of counting drinks, sneaking drinks, and trying to "manage it" — a stretch she says felt crazier than when she was strung out. From there it's the recovery that finally stuck: getting sober for good, becoming a sober mom (which she says was harder than getting sober the first time), and finding the four things she believes every recovery path has in common.This is two people in recovery talking honestly — lived experience, peer to peer, no experts and no scripts. We get into alcohol and drug recovery, what actually drives a relapse, emotional sobriety, spirituality without the "Sky Daddy," and why “ 12 step recovery helped me — and it's not the only way."▶️ New here? This one's a good place to start if you've ever wondered whether you could just cut back instead of quit.If it lands, follow the show and send it to one person who needs it today.⏱️ Chapters below.Generation Women Canada: https://www.generationwomen.ca/

This is Part 2 of Borrowed Wisdom: Earl, "The Path to Freedom." Earl is one of my all-time favourites in recovery. I pulled the quotes that hit hardest and reflected on each one from my own experience — a guy who relapsed after 7.5 years sober and had to find his way back.What we get into:- The mask we wear — in addiction, in sobriety, and how the tough guy performance set up my relapse- Fear as the real engine behind addiction (we're not bad people — we're frightened ones)- Self-worth that doesn't depend on other people's reception- Kindness vs. people-pleasing — a real difference most people miss- Forgiveness as a selfish act, done for yourself- 5–10 minutes of meditation and what it actually does to your impulse control- Service as the greatest high in recovery- The dying man story — and the gratitude reset it delivers every timeWant the full Earl tape? DM me on Instagram: @RecoveringOutLoudPodRecovery is simple, not easy. I love you.

Some recovery stories are told from one side. This one isn't.Chloe lived the alcoholism. Andrew loved her through it — and watched both the addiction and the recovery up close. In this episode they sit down together and rebuild the same years from two different chairs: how they fell for each other fast, how the drinking took over, the hospital trips, the relapses, and the night it finally turned.Along the way they get into the stuff nobody warns you about — the "morning me vs. nighttime me" split that runs through active addiction, what it actually does to the person who loves you, why staying can sometimes prevent the rock bottom someone needs to hit, and the hardest truth either of them learned: when you step away from this disease for three months or thirty years, you come back exactly where you left off.If you love someone in active addiction, or you've been the one being loved while you were using, this is your conversation.Chapters 0:00 – "I already know how I'd relapse" 1:37 – Love at first sight 13:43 – Withdrawal & the first 911 call 22:09 – Morning Chloe vs. Nighttime Chloe 33:20 – Walking on eggshells: loving an addict 40:56 – The last day & a psychotic break 44:52 – "Losing things is what gets people better" 47:34 – Where they are today🎧 Best place to start if you're new here. It's the full arc — using, loving, losing, and coming back — in one sitting.▶️ Host recommendation: if this one lands, go to the solo episodes on euphoric recall and the emotional sobriety plateau next.If you're carrying this for someone you love, or for yourself: you're not the only one. Follow the show so the next episode finds you, and if it helped, leave a rating — it's the single biggest thing that gets these stories to the next person who needs them.Recovering Out Loud is peer-led and built on lived experience, not clinical advice.

Nobody warns you that sobriety can stop feeling like a win.They warn you about the cravings, the first 30 days, the holidays. Nobody tells you about the Tuesday — a couple of years in — when the chips slow down, the applause stops, and being sober just becomes your life. And somewhere in that quiet, the old voice gets an opening.I know it because I lived it. I relapsed after seven and a half years sober — not on a bad day, but in the flat part, the stretch where recovery stopped feeling like an achievement and started feeling like nothing at all.This is a raw, lived-experience episode about the emotional sobriety plateau: why the "win" feeling was always going to fade (hello, hedonic adaptation), how "flat" gets mistranslated into "something's wrong," the difference between being dry and being emotionally sober, and what actually helped me build a life I don't want to escape from.If you've ever thought is this it? — this one's for you.🎙 Recovering Out Loud — peer-led recovery media built on lived experience. Real stories. 📲 recoveringoutloud.ca · @recoveringoutloudpod Follow / subscribe so the next one finds you.This podcast shares one person's lived experience and is not medical or clinical advice.

This is the first in a new series — Borrowed Wisdom — where I share the greatest recovery speaker tapes that saved my life. Every resentment I've ever had came from fear, and a speaker named Bob D broke that wide open for me.In this solo episode I pull the highlights from a speaker tape that's saved my ass more times than I can count, and I reflect on what each line means in my own recovery. We get into why we lie out of fear instead of malice, why the voice in your head projects the worst-case every time (and is almost always wrong), the difference between faith and trust — the wheelbarrow on the tightrope — and why every character defect comes with a "cookie" attached. We close on the paradox that the longer I stay sober, the more help I actually need.If you've ever stayed stuck in a resentment, talked yourself out of something before you even tried, or wondered why "letting go" feels impossible — this one's for you.If no one's told you today: I love you. Recovery is simple, not easy.▶ Follow the show so you don't miss the next one. 📩 Want the full talks? DM me on Instagram @recoveringoutloudpod — I'll send them over.

I said "I'm sorry" so many times in my addiction that the word stopped meaning anything. All words, no action — guilt with a better vocabulary. In this solo episode I get into the difference between a verbal amends and a living amends: not the conversation, but the daily commitment to behave differently and become someone who doesn't repeat the harm.I talk about cleaning up my side of the street, moving from taker to giver, making amends to myself, and the trap of using "I'll just live differently" as an escape hatch to avoid the hard conversations. I also tell the story of running into my old drug dealer at the gym five years sober — and what I did next.This one's about rebuilding trust after addiction, forgiving yourself first, and why your family doesn't owe you forgiveness — but your actions, over time, speak louder than any apology.Recovery is simple, not easy.🎧 New episodes twice a week. If this helped, follow the show — it genuinely helps it grow.0:00 Guilt with a better vocabulary0:34 What this episode is really about1:11 "How do I pay my parents back?"1:29 Welcome to Recovering Out Loud2:12 What a living amends actually is2:49 Verbal amends vs. living amends3:19 Moving from taker to giver4:02 My purpose is to be of service4:19 When living amends is the right path5:21 Amends is for you, not for them5:46 The trap: amends as an escape hatch6:32 Making amends to yourself7:11 The long game — there's no finish line7:47 What it feels like with family8:28 You cannot heal anyone9:18 Why your worst comes out at home10:26 Nobody owes you forgiveness11:16 Integrity when nobody's watching12:03 The drug dealer at the gym13:31 Don't put yourself in danger13:46 If an amends pops into your head15:06 Disturbed, discontent, disconnected15:34 It's a process — progress not perfection16:10 Don't use being high as an excuse16:32 How to actually make the amends17:22 Forgive yourself first18:09 The nightly inventory18:31 Outro

10 unfiltered thoughts from my morning journal on staying sober, comparison, peace over happiness, and the war that's really with myself.At a year and a half sober again, I sat down with my morning journal and pulled out 10 thoughts that are keeping me in recovery right now — then talked them through, raw and unscripted.This one's about comparison and jealousy in the recovery and creator space ("why not me?"), getting through hard times one day at a time, building a morning routine when your old life had no structure, beating boredom by reconnecting with friends, and why I show up to meetings for what happens before and after the meeting. We get into believing in the sober version of yourself, chasing peace instead of happiness, the power of journaling, and the reframe that changed everything for me: moving from a war on drugs to a war on myself.If you're early in substance abuse recovery, navigating life after drug addiction, or just trying to stay sober through a rough patch — I hope one of these helps. Recovery is simple, not easy.Timestamps 00:00 — Morning Pages & why I journal 02:21 — #1 Competitors as hope, not jealousy 06:23 — #2 Staying sober through hard times 08:03 — #3 The morning routine 09:46 — #4 Boredom & reconnecting with friends 11:46 — #5 Meetings: the before & after 13:36 — #6 Believing in the sober you 15:13 — #7 Peace over happiness 16:32 — #8 Journaling 17:19 — #9 Everything isn't as it seems 21:35 — #10 War on drugs → war on meMentioned • The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron — the Morning Pages practice • Past episode with Jessie (loss & staying sober through grief) • Past episode: Pleasure vs. Meaning • My recovery journal — https://linktr.ee/Recoveringoutloudpod

Is it okay to admit you miss drinking? Psychotherapist Eryl returns to Recovering Out Loud for an honest conversation about the grief almost nobody talks about in early sobriety — and why pretending "it was all bad" can leave you feeling more ashamed and isolated than the truth ever would.Anthony and Eryl get into the alcohol addiction recovery experience as it really is: substances as an "escape hatch," the abusive-relationship analogy that didn't start out abusive, and the "parts work" idea that you can be grateful to the part of you that helped you survive — without ever going back to it.They also dig into why we keep reaching outside ourselves for a fix (the car, the body, the next purchase), how attachment and self-regulation sit underneath addiction, the cross-addiction "whack-a-mole," and a hard look at the predatory wellness and peptide marketing showing up in recovery spaces right now. It closes on emotional regulation, money, and what it means to build a life you don't need to escape from.A peer + therapist conversation about substance abuse recovery, grief, and emotional sobriety — real stories, no guru energy.This episode discusses body image and eating-disorder recovery. Support resources are in the show notes.Find Eryl on instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/erylmccaffrey/00:00 Eryl's last 30 days — and the day she said "I need help"03:07 Why your "failed attempts" weren't failures05:09 Is it okay to miss drinking? The grief no one warns you about07:05 The escape hatch: avoiding discomfort at all costs09:42 Avoiding people, places & things (and why it's temporary)11:52 What you were really chasing was connection13:22 Grieving the old you — and being grateful to it (parts work)14:50 When the craving hits: delay, distract, cope ahead18:30 Self-regulation, co-regulation & where addiction starts20:00 Attachment styles, gender & the substance you reach for23:52 Whack-a-mole: trading one substance for another24:48 Everything can become a drug — nicotine, scrolling, shopping25:07 Peptides, Ozempic & predatory marketing in recovery spaces31:00 Honesty about TRT and the rabbit hole32:45 "Be curious, not judgmental"34:01 The real question: WHY am I reaching for a fix?35:01 Financial sobriety and your relationship with money37:55 How alcohol gets marketed to keep women small41:44 Selling escape: the beach, the Corona, the lie44:25 Building a life you don't need to escape from46:41 Waiting for the other shoe to drop48:30 Emotional regulation, in one elevator pitch49:56 You are not your thoughts — meditation & the observer

Everyone talks about what you lose when you get sober. Nobody talks about what you get back.Not the big stuff — career, family, health. Those are real, but they're slow. They're not what keeps you sober at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday.In this episode, Anthony breaks down the unexpected, small, sometimes weird gifts that sobriety actually delivers — the ones that sneak up on you, that nobody puts in their inspirational reels, and that are quietly building the proof your brain needs to stay sober long-term.What's covered:Real sleep vs. passed-out sleep (and why they're completely different)Cognitive recovery: when memory and word recall actually come backWhy boredom stops feeling like a five-alarm fireEye contact, shame, and what happens when shame unhooks from your identityPeople not flinching when you walk in the room — and what that actually feels likeTime you didn't know you hadBeing trusted again (and why that weight is a gift)The weird ones: knowing where your phone is, being able to sit in a quiet roomAnthony also covers the honest caveats — PAWS (Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome), the gifts that require active work, and the ones that don't show up on schedule.And for the person who can't feel anything yet: your timeline is real, even if it's slower than the posts.Recovering Out Loud is peer-led recovery media — real stories of addiction and sobriety, no clinical voice, no guru energy.

You're allowed to miss it. Nobody tells you that.Most recovery content tells you your using days were all bad. But if that were true, you wouldn't have kept going back. In this episode, Anthony gets honest about the parts of his drinking and using days he actually misses — the escape, the ritual, the identity, the connection — and why admitting that out loud might be the most important thing you do in your recovery.In this episode:What euphoric recall actually is, and why it's not a character flaw — it's brain wiringThe fading effect bias: why month 18 can be harder than month 35 things people in recovery are allowed to miss (but usually don't say)The two-bucket framework: needs you can meet differently vs. needs you have to grieveWhy the people in trouble aren't the ones talking about missing itThe one practical tool: playing the tape all the way throughKey takeaway: The thoughts you can talk about are the thoughts you control. The ones you can't are the ones that control you.This episode is a permission slip.Recovering Out Loud is peer-led recovery media built on lived experience — real stories of addiction and sobriety, no clinical voice, no guru energy.If you found this helpful, please leave a rating and review — it helps more people find the show.

Everyone says weed isn't addictive. Alex is eight years sober and almost didn't make it out.This is the first time he's told the whole thing start to finish. We get into the last 30 days of his using — when he was so deep he couldn't even get high anymore, just chasing a feeling that was already gone. He takes us to his last day: an ice storm, a long drive for weed that wasn't there, and waking up passed out half in a toilet bowl, ribs smashed, realizing how close it got.The part that stuck with me is what came after the drugs stopped: "The war on drugs is over. Now it's the war on self." We talk about the stuff nobody warns you about in long sobriety — isolation that feels safe, cross-addiction (food, work, gaming), men white-knuckling their mental health, and why "it's just weed" is the sentence he trusts the least.If you've ever wondered whether weed can really be a problem — or you're years in and still fighting yourself — this one's for you.What we get into:Why he couldn't get high no matter how much he usedThe one question his uncle asked that he couldn't lie his way out ofIsolation as a "safe place" — and what it costsGetting sober before legalization, and why he thinks that saved himThe difference between quitting the drug and quitting the war on yourselfRecovering Out Loud is peer-led recovery media built on lived experience — real stories of addiction and sobriety. No clinical voice, no guru energy.

Nobody told me that getting sober wasn't the hard part. The hard part was realizing the version of myself I'd been dragging around for years — the beliefs, the patterns, the way I saw the world — most of it wasn't even mine.In this episode, I'm breaking down one of the most important phrases in my recovery: Uncover, Discover, Discard. This isn't a clinical framework — it's how I actually learned to stop being run by ideas I picked up before I ever touched a substance. We're talking about the subconscious operating systems that keep us sick, where they came from, and how to actually let them go — not just white-knuckle through them.I get into the old ideas that still show up in my own life: tying my self-worth to money, earning love through making people laugh, needing everything to be okay on the outside before I can feel okay on the inside. I also talk honestly about how stopping those patterns is exactly what I wasn't doing before I relapsed — and how "Anthony 3.0" is something I'm actively building, not looking back from.In this episode:What old ideas actually are (hint: they're not opinions, they're operating systems)The three-phase process: Uncover → Discover → DiscardWhy the gap between letting go of the old and finding the new is where most people relapseSchema theory, ACT therapy, and neuroplasticity — what the research saysHow to "borrow" someone else's beliefs until you build your ownListener reflection prompts:What's one belief you carried into recovery that you picked up long before you ever touched a substance?When did you first realize a belief you had about yourself wasn't actually yours?Have you ever discovered where one of your survival strategies originally came from?Recovery is simple. Not easy.

Jesse stayed sober after losing her 1-year-old son. A mother's story of recovery, grief, and faith.In December 2022, Jesse hit her rock bottom — a night of drinking and cocaine that ended in an ER waiting room, where she prayed for the first time and asked for help. Four months later, she found out she was pregnant. Her son Jacob — what she calls her miracle baby — became the reason she stayed clean.Last September, Jacob was rushed to the Emergency room. He didn't come home from the hospital. Against every odd, Jesse stayed sober through it.In this conversation, she opens up about what nobody warns you about — the brutal month and a half of Suboxone withdrawal, finding leftover drugs in her home days after the funeral, the moment anger (not strength) saved her from relapsing, and why she now believes recovery was training for grief.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Jesse opens up about:– The last 30 days of her addiction and the night she prayed in an ER waiting room – Coming off Suboxone (a month and a half of withdrawal she calls worse than cocaine) – Why pregnancy became her head start in recovery – Losing Jacob, and the moment she found leftover drugs in her home days after the funeral – How recovery turned out to be training for grief — both are one day at a time – Faith, anger at the funeral, and praying for "just a little relief" – What real support looks like (the neighbour who didn't ask, she just showed up) – Her honest answer to "worst day sober vs best day drinking" — and why it's not the one you expectFOLLOW JESSIES JOURNEY HERE ON INSTAGRAM📸 INSTAGRAM: @recoveringoutloudpod🌐 WEBSITE: https://linktr.ee/Recoveringoutloudpod—ABOUT RECOVERING OUT LOUDRecovering Out Loud is a peer-led recovery podcast hosted by Anthony — a social work student and person in long-term recovery sharing real stories of addiction and sobriety. No clinical voice. No guru energy. Just lived experience.—If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction or grief, please reach out to a local support resource. This podcast is for peer support and storytelling — not a substitute for clinical care.#RecoveryPodcast #SoberStories #AddictionRecovery

Self-forgiveness in addiction recovery is the work nobody markets — because nobody wants to buy it. In this solo episode, Anthony shares why shame is a stronger predictor of relapse than a deterrent, why guilt and shame are not the same emotion, and the 5-step practice he uses to forgive himself one day at a time.After 7.5 years sober, Anthony relapsed in 2024. He came back January 12, 2025. This episode is about what kept him stuck on the way back — and what finally got him off the hook.In this episode:- Why "I'll just feel bad enough to never do it again" doesn't work- Brené Brown's guilt vs. shame distinction — and why it matters for relapse risk- June Tangney's research on shame-proneness and substance misuse- Kristin Neff's three pillars of self-compassion, adapted for recovery- A 5-step self-forgiveness practice you can start today- The "cookie jar" — using your own hardest experiences as proof you can do thisChapter markers:00:00 Cold Open: The Day I Stopped Trying to Forgive Myself02:55 Resentment Is Poison: Forgiving Others First04:55 Welcome to Recovering Out Loud06:30 Real Check-In: My Struggle With Patience This Week09:55 Why Self-Forgiveness Is the Hardest Step12:44 Story 1: Blowing the Money & Relapsing After 7.5 Years17:47 Guilt vs. Shame — The Distinction That Changes Everything20:32 The Relapse Reckoning22:00 What Self-Forgiveness Actually Is (and Isn't)24:21 The 5-Step Self-Forgiveness Practice29:17 You Are Not the Worst Thing You Did31:16 The Cookie Jar: Drawing on Past WinsIf you got something out of this, please follow, rate, and share with one person who needs it.— AnthonyHost of Recovering Out Loud · Real stories of addiction and recovery, no clinical voice, no guru energy.#RecoveringOutLoud #SoberPodcast #Recovery #SelfForgiveness #Shame

Steven spent five months in a hotel room smoking crack, accepting he'd die there. Then his mother asked a judge if he had children — and two cops knocked. The story of one last day.Six and a half years ago, Steven was sitting in a hotel room he hadn't left in five months, smoking crack cocaine in the same clothes he'd been wearing since July. He'd accepted he was going to die there.Two weeks before the end, in a sober moment, he whispered, "Please make this stop." He didn't know who he was talking to. Then his mother sat down with a Justice of the Peace and asked the judge one question: "Do you have children?"Twelve hours after the cops knocked, Steven was in rehab. He's been sober since December 14, 2019.In this episode, Steven walks Anthony through the last day, the Form 2, the divine intervention timeline, and the turning points inside treatment — including the two women who walked in taking responsibility while everyone else played victim, and the counselor who put his hand on Steven's shoulder and said, "I believe you kid, because I tried to quit too."Anthony shares his own relapse map after seven and a half years sober — how it started with body image, became ADHD pills, then cocaine, then benzos. The slow drip. The line: "I emotionally relapsed long before I picked up."They close on current unmanageability — financial insecurity, body image at 52 — and a closing line that does the work of the whole episode.No clinical voice. No experts. Two guys in recovery telling the truth about what it actually took.🎙️ Recovering Out Loud — peer-led recovery media built on lived experience.

Most people don't relapse because they wanted to drink. They relapse because they were still chasing pleasure — just in a legal package.Anthony had 7.5 years of sober time before he picked up. In this episode, he breaks down the real reason long-term sobriety unravels: the war between pleasure and meaning, and why the recovery world is full of people white-knuckling a life they were never trained to actually want.Covered in this episode: – The hedonic treadmill and why every "high" eventually feels like baseline – Anna Lembke's pleasure-pain balance (from Dopamine Nation) – Bruce Alexander's Rat Park study and why connection beats the lever – Cross-addiction: gym, golf, Instagram, work, achievement — the "ism swap" – Viktor Frankl, Dr. Joseph Lee, and the iPhone-vs-house metaphor that changed how Anthony sees addiction – Why "I don't need to feel good. I need to do good." is the line he comes back toIf you're newly sober and bored, or years in and quietly restless — this one's for you.New episodes Tuesdays. Recovering Out Loud — real stories of addiction and recovery, no clinical voice, no guru energy.

Is alcohol the problem, or is the person holding the glass? Anthony breaks down the science, the shame, and the honest answer most people in recovery won't say out loud.Full description:Is alcohol the problem — or is the person drinking it? It's one of the most argued questions in addiction recovery, and how you answer it changes everything about how you get sober and stay sober.In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, host Anthony — alcoholic, addict, and addiction counselor in training — pushes back on the growing "alcohol is the villain" movement on social media and asks the harder question: if alcohol were really the problem, why do most drinkers never develop alcohol use disorder? And why did rehab alone never keep him sober?Anthony walks through the neuroscience (GABA, dopamine, why alcohol withdrawal can kill you), the genetics (50–60% heritability, AMA's 1956 disease classification), the 12-step "allergy" model, and the critical difference between guilt and shame in recovery. Then he lands on the answer most camps refuse to hold: both are true. Alcohol is genuinely addictive AND the person has the capacity to change.If you've ever wondered whether you're "broken," whether you can ever drink normally again, or why the just-drink-like-a-normal-person advice feels so damaging — this one's for you.Topics covered:Why "alcohol is the problem" is the wrong frame for people in recoveryThe neuroscience of alcohol addiction (GABA, dopamine, the reward pathway)Why alcohol and benzo withdrawal can be fatalDSM-5 alcohol use disorder criteria and WHO global statsHeritability, co-occurring mental health disorders, and the 14% who develop AUDThe 12-step allergy metaphor and its criticsDisease model vs. agency model — and why both matterGuilt vs. shame in addiction recoveryWhy the anti-alcohol movement misses the pointAnthony's relapse at 7.5 years sober and what he learnedMentioned in this episode:DSM-5 alcohol use disorder criteriaAMA 1956 disease classificationDr. Nick Heather's "complex learning disorder" modelWHO data on alcohol-related deaths (5.3% globally)Previous episode: Is Alcoholism a Disease or a Choice?Previous episode on peptidesConnect:Instagram: @recoveringoutloudpodRecovery is simple, not easy.

Emily returns to Recovering Out Loud mid-relapse to announce she's ending her own sobriety podcast. This is by far The most raw and vunerable conversation we've had on chronic relapse, identity in recovery, and what happens when "sober Sally" disappears.Emily came on the first season of Recovering Out Loud almost two years sober, running her own recovery podcast Talks on the Rocks. She's back — and she's fighting addiction demons every day.In this episode, Emily opens up about chronically relapsing on cocaine and alcohol, why she's putting her sobriety podcast on pause, and what it feels like to be the "sober girl" online while crying in the bathroom rolling up a bill she doesn't want to use. We talk about the Mother's Day relapse, the overdose from fentanyl-laced cocaine that nearly killed her, the hole in her septum, dating apps as a relapse trigger, isolation, and the identity crisis of taking a new sales job that puts her in clubs and at open bars for a living.Anthony shares his own seven-and-a-half-year relapse and why "the obsession of every addict is that one day they'll control it again." If you've ever relapsed after long-term sobriety, struggled with chronic relapse, or felt like a fraud in your own recovery — this one is for you.Topics covered:Why she's ending her sobriety podcastChronic relapse after almost 2 years soberCocaine addiction, septum damage, and using aloneThe Mother's Day relapseThe fentanyl overdose at workDating apps and addictionIdentity in recovery: who are you when you're not "the sober one"?Why we don't pick up the phone even when we have hundreds of numbersSelf-pity, shame, and starting overIf you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please reach out to a local recovery resource. In the US: SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357. In Canada: Wellness Together 1-866-585-0445.Recovering Out Loud is hosted by Anthony. New episodes weekly.

Struggling to move forward in recovery — even when you're "doing everything right"? That might be resistance. And it probably doesn't look the way you think it does.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony breaks down 5 forms of resistance that hide in plain sight in addiction recovery — the ones that feel like growth, look like progress, and get socially rewarded, but are quietly keeping you stuck.Whether you're newly sober, years into recovery, or struggling to get back after a relapse — this episode is for you.Topics covered:Why staying busy might be your new drugThe difference between research mode and recovery modeHow self-sabotage shows up when life starts going wellWhy chaos feels comfortable and stability feels wrongPerforming recovery vs. actually doing itPain × Resistance = Suffering — and how to reduce itIf you've ever felt stuck in sobriety, struggled with self-sabotage, or wondered why you can't seem to follow through — this one hits different.Recovering Out Loud is peer-led recovery media built on lived experience. No clinical voice. No guru energy. Real stories of addiction and sobriety from someone still in it.🎙 Follow the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. New episodes weekly.In this episode:The 5 forms of resistance hiding in plain sightWhy busy is the most socially rewarded skip button availableResearch mode vs. recovery mode — and why you're probably in the wrong oneWhy chaos feels like home and calm feels like a warning signThe difference between performing recovery and doing itPain × Resistance = Suffering — and what to do with thatNotes:The equation pain × resistance = suffering is rooted in Buddhist philosophy and popularized in modern mindfulness by teacher Shinzen Young — it's one of the most useful frames I've come across in recovery.The concept of Resistance as a force that blocks creative and personal work was written about extensively by Steven Pressfield in The War of Art — worth a read if this episode hit you.The idea of research mode vs. recovery mode — consuming content instead of taking action — is something I see constantly working in the addiction space. It's real, it's common, and it's not your fault. But awareness is the first step through it.The unsexy work: sleep, food, water, one human contact a day. The research on sleep alone as a factor in addiction recovery and relapse prevention is significant — [general reference: NIDA, sleep and substance use disorder literature].

People in recovery are being deliberately targeted by the peptide industry — and most of us don't even realize it.In this episode, Anthony breaks down how the influencer ecosystem profits from the exact vulnerability that early recovery creates: the desperate need to feel better, faster. Post-acute withdrawal syndrome is real, the brain genuinely takes time to heal, and predatory actors are filling that gap with products instead of solutions.He covers what most peptide promoters won't tell you — the regulatory status, the evidence gap, the relapse risk hidden in the behaviors around self-injection and secrecy, and the questions you should be asking before anyone sells you anything in recovery.This isn't anti-peptide. It's pro-honesty.Three questions to ask before you try anything being sold in recovery spaces — and what actually worked for Anthony when nothing external did.---Topics covered:• Why people in early recovery are the easiest people to sell to• How the influencer affiliate model works — and who profits from your discount code• The regulatory and evidence reality behind the most-promoted peptide compounds• The relapse risk nobody in the wellness space is talking about• What peer-reviewed evidence actually requires vs. what's being passed off as proof• Three questions to ask before anything in recovery gets sold to you---If this episode resonated, share it with someone in recovery who's exploring this space. Like, follow, and subscribe — and recovery is simple, not easy.Mentioned Studies: BPC-157 — FDA status (unapproved drug, Category 2)Operation Supplement Safety (US Dept. of Defense): https://www.opss.org/article/bpc-157-prohibited-peptide-and-unapproved-drug-found-health-and-wellness-productsFDA Warning Letter — Summit Research Peptides (Dec 2024): https://www.fda.gov/inspections-compliance-enforcement-and-criminal-investigations/warning-letters/summit-research-peptides-695607-12102024FDA Warning Letters search page: https://www.fda.gov/inspections-compliance-enforcement-and-criminal-investigations/compliance-actions-and-activities/warning-lettersBPC-157 — WADA prohibited substanceUSADA: https://www.usada.org/spirit-of-sport/bpc-157-peptide-prohibited/The human trials problem — only 1 human study out of 544 articles reviewedAmerican Journal of Sports Medicine systematic review (Vasireddi et al., 2025 — 544 articles screened, 35 preclinical, 1 clinical): https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/15563316251355551Arnold's Pump Club plain-language summary of that review: https://arnoldspumpclub.com/blogs/newsletter/bpc-157-the-miracle-peptide-that-s-been-tested-in-only-1-human-trialThe single research group problemSTAT News / Undark investigation (Feb 2026 — "nearly all data comes from a single research group"): https://www.statnews.com/2026/02/03/bpc-157-peptide-science-safety-regulatory-questions/NAD therapy — not approved for addiction, evidence is small studies onlyWebMD: https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/nad-therapy-addictionAddiction Center: https://www.addictioncenter.com/treatment/nad-therapy/PAWS — Post-Acute Withdrawal SyndromeHazelden Betty Ford: https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome

Everyone expects sobriety to reveal the real you — calmer, freer, finally yourself. What nobody warns you about is that the first thing sobriety does is introduce you to a version of yourself you don't recognize. And you might not like what you see.In this episode, Anthony gets into the personality change that happens when you get sober — not the inspirational version, the actual version. Why early recovery can feel like becoming a worse, more uncomfortable, harder-to-be-around person. Why that disorientation is the process, not a problem. And how the agreeableness you're losing wasn't your personality — it was your armor.This one is for two groups: the newly sober who are noticing their real personality emerging and don't like what they're seeing, and the long-term sober — especially the dry drunks — who white-knuckled past this step and never did the identity work.In this episode:Why substances gave Anthony a personality — and what they were actually doing to his nervous systemEmotional development and why so many people in early recovery feel like childrenThe fawn response, people pleasing, and the codependency piece (Melody Beattie, Codependent No More)"Sobriety without identity work is just white knuckling and better skin"The grief of losing the version of you that people actually likedWhy you don't find yourself in sobriety — you build yourself, slowly, with a lot of awkward trial runsThe social fallout: which friendships survive and which don'tWhat Anthony actually does now: pausing before agreeing, using silence as a tool, recognizing the automatic yesRecovery is personal. Take what helps and leave the rest.

Predatory behavior in recovery spaces is real, and most people refuse to name it. In this solo episode, I share what 13th stepping is, why it puts newcomers — especially women — at serious risk, the manipulation tactics to watch for (love bombing, trauma bonding, isolation, fake "I can keep you sober" dependency), and what people with more time owe the people walking in scared.This isn't clinical advice. It's what I've seen, what I do in my own groups, and what helped me stay safe and stay sober.Chapters: 00:00 — Cold open 01:34 — What 13th stepping actually is 02:45 — Why newcomers are vulnerable 04:27 — Why rehab makes it worse 06:28 — Manipulation tactics (love bombing, trauma bonding) 08:01 — Red flags 09:11 — The consequences nobody talks about 11:56 — How to protect yourself 13:24 — Practical boundaries 14:40 — If you have time: your responsibility 17:09 — If you're new: you deserve safety 19:39 — CloseIf this hit, follow Recovering Out Loud so the next one finds you.

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony introduces a framework he calls Member, Attender, Pretender — the three roles people cycle through in recovery — and makes the case that knowing which one you're in right now could be the most important question you ask yourself this week.This isn't about shame. It's about awareness.The Three Roles:The Pretender The Pretender isn't lying about drinking — they're lying about how they're doing. They might have years of sobriety on paper. They might chair meetings. They might be the person everyone else looks up to. But internally, they've stopped surrendering. They've stopped telling the truth. They're managing an image, not an addiction.Anthony shares what this looked like in his own life: the ADHD medication he didn't fully disclose, the secrets he was keeping while standing in recovery spaces, the chest-weight of maintaining a sober identity when the reality was far messier. The pretender's environment, he says, is exactly where relapse grows and thrives.The Attender The Attender isn't lying. They're just... not in it. They're showing up, checking the box, sitting at the back. No sponsor calls, stalled step work, surface-level conversation. Nothing is actively going wrong — which is what makes this role a trap. When you're attending, you're not building. And when you're not building, you're eroding.Anthony explains why the Attender is the softest, most comfortable, and most dangerous place to be in recovery — because nobody pulls you out except you.The Member The Member isn't someone who has it figured out. It's a current state of action. Small, boring, unsexy choices. Calling someone when you don't feel like it. Staying after the meeting. Getting a newcomer's number. Doing the step work nobody claps for. Anthony's three markers of membership: reachability, honesty with one person, and contribution.The Self-Checklist (5 Questions):Anthony walks through five honest questions to figure out which role you're in right now:When did you last tell someone in recovery the actual truth about how you're doing?When did you last move forward on your step work or internal recovery work?When did you last do something for someone else in recovery that cost you time and effort?If you disappeared from your meeting for a month — would anybody call?When it's quiet — in the car, in the shower, at 2 a.m. — do you feel like a person in recovery, or a person performing recovery?Anthony has been all three. He drifted from Member to Attender to Pretender across the final years of his first recovery, and he didn't break out in time. Today, he says, he can't promise he'll be a member tomorrow — he just knows what it takes to stay in the middle.Because you only fall off the sides of recovery. You can't fall off the middle.Anthony is a person in recovery sharing lived experience. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or clinical advice. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please reach out to a qualified professional or call SAMHSA's National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7).Subscribe to Recovering Out Loud on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. If this hit you, send it to someone who needs to hear it.

Is addiction a disease… or a choice?For decades, psychologists, doctors, and people in recovery have debated this question.Some experts argue addiction is a chronic brain disease.Others believe addiction develops through learned behavior, trauma, or environment.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony breaks down the major psychological models used to explain addiction and how they influence recovery.We explore:• The Disease Model of addiction• The Learning / Behavioral Model• The Trauma & Self-Medication Model• The Biopsychosocial Model used in modern science• Why different recovery programs emphasize different approaches• Why addiction treatment looks different depending on the model you believeAnthony also shares personal insights from his own recovery journey and explains why many experts now believe addiction is multilayered, involving biology, psychology, environment, and life experience.Understanding these models can help reduce stigma, increase compassion, and open the door to more effective recovery.Because the more we understand addiction…the better we can help people heal.If you found value in this episode, follow the podcast and share it with someone who might need to hear it.

That voice in your head — the one that shows up right before a relapse — isn't random. It's patterned. It's predictable. And once you can name it, it loses most of its power.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony breaks down the 5 lies that addiction tells you — the cognitive distortions that sound completely reasonable in the moment but are quietly setting you up. Whether you're new to sobriety, years into recovery, or currently in active addiction, these thought patterns have likely already shown up in your life.What you'll hear in this episode:These patterns are what researchers call cognitive distortions — thinking errors documented in addiction research going back to the work of Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis. Anthony isn't quoting the papers. He's telling you what they sound like at 2 a.m., or on the patio, or in a hotel room alone.If even one of these landed for you — that's the one to sit with this week. Not to fight it. Just to notice when it shows up. Because naming the lie is most of the work.Anthony's sobriety date: January 12, 2025 Recovery background: Came into recovery in 2015 got 7.5 years sober, relapsed on ADHD medication, steroids, and secrecy — and came back.Recovery resources mentioned / related:Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and cognitive distortions in addictionAaron Beck's cognitive distortion modelAccountability partners and sponsor relationshipsMarlatt's Relapse Prevention Model (related episode framework)Anthony is a person in recovery sharing lived experience. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or clinical advice. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please reach out to a qualified professional or call SAMHSA's National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7).Subscribe to Recovering Out Loud on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. If this episode resonated, share it with one person who needs to hear it.

Patio season hits different when you’re sober.In this episode, I break down the reality of navigating patios, bars, and summer social environments in recovery — especially when everything looks fun on the outside.From unexpected triggers walking past patios…To feeling out of place when everyone else is drinking…To that quiet voice that tells you you’re missing out…This is the episode I wish I had before my first sober summer.I share real experiences, practical strategies, and the mindset shifts that actually help you stay sober — without isolating or feeling like the “boring sober person.”If you’re heading into your first sober patio season (or still struggling with triggers years in), this will help you stay grounded and enjoy your summer without relapsing.Why patio season is more triggering than holidaysThe psychology behind “missing out” in sobrietyHow to handle cravings in social settingsWhat you’re actually grieving (it’s not the alcohol)How to enjoy patios without drinkingPractical tools to stay sober in real timeWhen it’s better to just not goYou’re not missing the drink…You’re missing who you got to be when you had one.If this helped you, follow the podcast on Spotify and leave a rating — it helps more people in recovery find this message.🧩 What You’ll Learn:⚠️ Key Insight:📌 Follow & Support:

Why do people sometimes destroy the very progress they worked so hard to build?In recovery, something strange often happens. Life begins improving — relationships heal, opportunities return, and stability appears. Yet for many people, this is exactly when self-sabotage begins.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony explores the psychology behind self-sabotage in addiction recovery and personal growth.We break down why the mind sometimes resists success and why familiar chaos can feel safer than unfamiliar peace.Topics explored include:• Why stability can feel uncomfortable after years of chaos• Identity conflicts when life begins improving• Fear of success and rising expectations• Why vulnerability can trigger avoidance• Shame and feeling undeserving of good things• Nervous system conditioning after long periods of stress• How old habit loops quietly pull people back into destructive patternsAnthony also shares personal experiences from recovery, including how boredom, identity struggles, and fear can subtly lead someone back toward relapse.If you've ever wondered why people sabotage their own progress — or if you’ve felt it happening in your own life — this episode will help you understand the deeper psychological patterns behind it.Recovery isn’t just about stopping substances.It’s about learning how to live in peace when chaos used to feel normal.If this episode resonates with you, follow the podcast and share it with someone who might need to hear it.

Today I sat down with my good friend Kaitlin B. Getting sober is one thing. Learning how to live with your feelings is another. In this episode, we get into emotional sobriety, codependency, boundaries, dating, self-worth, and why being alone can feel so uncomfortable in recovery. This is a real conversation about healing the patterns underneath addiction. What happens after you stop drinking or using, but still feel emotionally chaotic, overly responsible for everyone, and uncomfortable being alone?In this episode, we talk about emotional sobriety, codependency, boundaries, relationship patterns, self-worth, and the deeper healing that has to happen after substance use stops. We get into people-pleasing, over-giving, fear of being alone, unhealthy dating patterns, burnout, service in recovery, and how old wounds can keep showing up even with years sober.This conversation also explores the difference between being sober and being emotionally well, why solitude can feel so threatening, how trauma can shape intimacy and attachment, and what it looks like to start choosing healing over validation.If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the “right” things in recovery but still don’t feel peaceful inside, this one is for you. 

Is Isolation worse for you than drinking? Lets talk about it There’s a stage in recovery that doesn’t get talked about enough.It’s not the chaos of addiction.It’s not withdrawal.It’s the quiet phase where you start pulling away from people…ignoring calls, canceling plans, and convincing yourself you’re better off alone.In this episode, I break down isolation in recovery — why it happens, what it actually means, and when it becomes dangerous.We talk about:Why isolation shows up after getting soberThe difference between healthy solitude and harmful isolationHow self-pity and shame fuel disconnectionWhen isolation becomes a relapse warning signPractical ways to get out of your head and reconnectIf you’ve been feeling stuck, disconnected, or like you just want to be left alone… this episode is for you.Recovery isn’t just about quitting substances — it’s about building a life you don’t want to escape from.If this helped you, follow the podcast and share it with someone who might need it.

When people picture addiction, they often imagine someone who has lost everything.But that’s not always the reality.Some people lose jobs, relationships, and housing because of addiction. Others maintain careers, families, reputations, and outward success while silently struggling.From the outside, everything appears stable.But internally, the situation can be very different.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony explores the concept of high-functioning addiction and why it can be so difficult to recognize.Although the term “high-functioning addict” is often used in everyday conversation, it is not an official diagnostic category in clinical manuals such as the DSM-5.Still, the phenomenon is widely observed.This episode explores:• Why some addictions remain hidden• Psychological denial mechanisms• Social masking and living a double life• Cultural environments that normalize substance use• The internal consequences people experience even when life appears stableAnthony also shares personal experience with addiction and the exhausting reality of maintaining a double life while trying to appear normal to the outside world.Because addiction doesn’t always look the way people expect.Sometimes the people who seem the most stable on the outside are the ones struggling the most internally.Recognizing these patterns earlier may help people identify addiction in themselves or others before the consequences become severe.00:00 High functioning addicts explained00:21 What is a functional alcoholic or addict?00:43 Why high functioning addiction is hard to recognize01:04 The “duck on water” analogy01:12 What people mean by high functioning02:06 Personal experience with hidden addiction02:42 Denial mechanisms in addiction04:01 Social masking and the double life05:03 Hiding substance use05:48 Environments that normalize heavy drinking06:16 Internal consequences of addiction07:06 Escalation and tolerance08:16 Why others don’t recognize the problem08:50 When the double life starts falling apart09:50 Addiction doesn’t always look the way people expect10:26 Why “functional addict” is a dangerous label11:17 Addiction is about your relationship to substances12:12 Only you can diagnose yourself12:34 Closing thoughts and recovery message

Why can some people drink or use drugs casually… while others lose control the moment they start?For decades people believed addiction was simply about willpower, discipline, or bad choices. But modern research suggests the reality is far more complex.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony breaks down the real factors that influence addiction risk.Addiction rarely has a single cause. Instead, it often develops through a combination of biology, psychology, environment, and learned behavior.We explore how genetics, brain chemistry, trauma, emotional coping, and environmental exposure can all interact to increase vulnerability to addiction.Anthony also shares personal experience with relapse and recovery, explaining how addiction can remove the ability to simply “stop” once substance use begins.If you’ve ever wondered:• Why addiction runs in families• Why some people feel stronger effects from drugs or alcohol• Why trauma and emotional pain often lead to substance use• Why certain environments increase addiction risk• Why recovery requires more than just willpowerThis episode breaks down the science and lived experience behind addiction.Understanding these factors can help reduce stigma and create more compassionate, effective approaches to recovery.Because addiction is rarely just about fun, weakness, or bad decisions — it’s often about pain, reinforcement, and vulnerability.And understanding that can change how we think about recovery.

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony opens up about what it really means to get current in recovery. He talks about the danger of pretending everything is fine, the pressure to look strong on the outside, and how secrets, isolation, fear, comparison, and financial stress can quietly pull someone away from the solution.Anthony shares how meditation, honesty, prayer, service, fellowship, and integrity have helped him stay grounded through a tough season. He also reflects on learning to accept life on life’s terms, let go of control, and stop performing recovery for other people.This episode is for anyone in sobriety who feels like they’re struggling internally while trying to look okay externally. If you’ve been holding things in, isolating, comparing yourself, or feeling spiritually off-center, this conversation is a reminder that recovery starts with honesty.Topics covered:What “getting current” means in recoveryThe danger of secrets and stage-character recoveryFinancial insecurity, ego, and surrenderMeditation and spiritual awareness in sobrietyIsolation vs fellowshipIntegrity, comparison, and serviceWhy honesty can protect you from relapse

The Great Debate...Ontario’s HART Hubs vs Harm Reduction | Ontario is shifting its addiction response with the rollout of HART Hubs — short for Homelessness and Addiction Recovery Treatment Hubs — while moving away from supervised consumption services, safer supply, drug checking, and needle exchange programs. In this episode, I break down what that policy shift actually means, what HART Hubs are supposed to offer, and why this debate is so important.We talk about the real tension between harm reduction and abstinence-based recovery, why keeping people alive matters, and what happens when treatment is offered to people who are not ready to stop using yet. I also share my personal perspective on addiction, recovery, treatment, and why I believe you cannot force someone into sobriety before they are ready.This episode covers:What HART Hubs areWhat services they provideWhat they do not includeThe biggest criticisms and concernsWhy harm reduction still mattersWhether abstinence-based systems leave some people behindThis is an honest conversation about addiction policy, overdose risk, treatment readiness, and what actually helps people survive long enough to have a chance at recovery.Comment below: Do you think closing supervised consumption sites is the right move?

What actually keeps someone sober long-term?After spending the last 10 years in and out of recovery, I’ve learned some powerful lessons that completely changed the way I approach addiction, sobriety, and life.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, I break down the most important principles that have helped me stay sober and continue growing in recovery.These are ideas I’ve learned from people who came before me — the mentors, counselors, and recovery communities that helped save my life.In this episode we talk about:​ The three essentials of recovery: honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness​ Why your addict brain never stops doing pushups​ Why you cannot force someone else to get sober​ The importance of spirituality in long-term recovery​ Why service helps keep people sober​ The danger of secrets, resentment, and fear​ How ego can destroy recovery​ Why connection is the opposite of addictionRecovery isn’t easy, but it is possible.If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, this episode may help you better understand the mindset and principles that support long-term sobriety.Disclaimer: This episode reflects personal experience and recovery education and is not medical advice.

Many people believe that once they quit drugs or alcohol, the addiction is over. But for many in recovery, the addiction doesn’t disappear — it just changes form.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony breaks down cross addiction, the phenomenon where addictive patterns shift from substances to other behaviors like gambling, work, fitness, social media, shopping, or even relationships.Drawing from his own experience — including how steroids and body dysmorphia led him back into addiction after years sober — Anthony explains how the real issue isn’t the substance, it’s the underlying addiction process.You’ll learn:• What cross addiction actually is• Why the brain searches for new dopamine sources after quitting substances• The warning signs of cross addiction• The difference between healthy coping and addictive behavior• How to prevent cross addiction in recoveryRecovery isn’t just about quitting substances.It’s about learning how to live without needing to escape your life.If you’re sober, in recovery, or supporting someone who is, this conversation could change how you understand addiction.

Addiction doesn’t only affect the person using substances — it affects everyone around them.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony shares a deeply personal and honest conversation about what happens when addiction enters a family. From broken trust and emotional chaos to the painful cycle of hope and disappointment, families often find themselves trying to fix something they cannot control.Anthony speaks from experience about how addiction impacted his own family and the difficult amends that followed. He explains why addiction is often called a family disease, how enabling keeps addiction alive, and why healthy boundaries are one of the most important tools families have.You’ll learn:Why addiction changes the entire family systemThe difference between supporting and enablingWhy families often feel guilt and responsibilityThe importance of boundaries and self-careWhy families need recovery tooIf you are struggling with a loved one in addiction, this episode offers clarity, compassion, and practical guidance.Remember the three truths:You didn’t cause itYou can’t control itYou can’t cure itBut you can protect yourself and support recovery.

In this episode, I break down what spirituality actually is — especially for people in recovery who don’t believe in God, grew up religious, or feel triggered by the word “spiritual.”Spirituality in recovery isn’t dogma — it’s connection, grounding, meaning, and a power greater than your impulsive brain. Today I share practical spiritual tools, how I rebuilt my relationship with a higher power after relapse, and how spirituality became the anchor that keeps me sober.We cover:• Spirituality vs religion (what’s the difference?)• Why willpower alone isn’t enough in addiction recovery• The spiritual void caused by addiction• Practical tools: stillness, gratitude, service, meaning-making, surrender• How ego blocks your recovery• How to build a spiritual practice even if you’re brand newIf you’re struggling, open to change, or tired of white-knuckling sobriety—this one’s for you.Follow on IG: @RecoveringOutLoudPodSubscribe for weekly recovery content.

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony dives deep into one of the most dangerous emotional patterns in addiction recovery: resentment.Often called the number one offender of relapse, resentment quietly builds in the background through replayed anger, unmet expectations, and stories we tell ourselves about other people.Anthony explains the difference between anger and resentment, why anger is often a secondary emotion rooted in fear, and how holding onto resentment keeps people stuck in a disturbed mental state.Drawing from personal experience, recovery principles, and emotional sobriety practices, this episode explores:• Why resentment feels justified but ultimately harms you• How social media, expectations, and comparison fuel anger• The connection between resentment and relapse• The concept of being “disturbed vs undisturbed” in recovery• Practical tools to regulate anger in the moment• How forgiveness and responsibility dissolve resentment• The idea of a “spiritual bank account” in sobrietyAnthony also shares practical strategies for dealing with anger in real time, including breathing techniques, meditation, boundary setting, and journaling.Recovery isn’t about eliminating emotions — it’s about learning how to feel them without letting them control your actions.If you're struggling with anger, resentment, or emotional triggers in recovery, this episode offers powerful insight and tools to help you move forward.

Have you ever been having a normal day when a smell, a song, or a place suddenly pulls you back into the past?In this episode, we talk about intrusive memories in recovery — why they happen, why they feel so intense, and why they don’t mean relapse, failure, or weakness.Intrusive memories aren’t something you choose. They’re automatic nervous system responses that often show up in addiction recovery, trauma healing, and emotional sobriety — especially once substances are no longer numbing the system.We break down:What intrusive memories actually are (and what they’re not)Why smells, music, and places are such powerful triggersWhy sobriety can make memories feel louder before they softenThe difference between memory and meaningWhy intrusive memories are not cravingsWhat to do when an intrusive memory hitsWhy triggers and obsessions fade over time in recoveryThis episode is for anyone who’s ever thought:“Why did that come out of nowhere?”“Does this mean I still want to use?”“Am I doing something wrong in recovery?”You’re not broken.You’re not back there.Your nervous system is learning safety.

Complacency in recovery rarely announces itself. It creeps in quietly—disguised as comfort, routine, and “I’m fine.”In this episode, Anthony Degasperis breaks down how complacency develops in recovery, why it’s one of the most common relapse pathways, and how to recognize the early warning signs before things spiral. Drawing from lived experience, Anthony explains why relapse is usually a process, not a moment—and why catching complacency early is far easier than rebuilding after a fall.This conversation explores emotional sobriety, self-awareness, comparison traps, and the importance of staying intentional and connected in recovery. If your recovery feels “boring,” this episode might be exactly what you need.Complacency doesn’t mean you’re doing recovery wrong—it means you’re human.In this episode, Anthony Degasperis explores how complacency shows up once the chaos fades and life starts feeling manageable again. He explains how recovery can slowly slip into emotional autopilot, why comparison to others weakens vigilance, and how subtle shifts in thinking and behavior can quietly move someone closer to relapse.You’ll learn:Why complacency feels comfortable—but is still dangerousThe difference between boring recovery and checked-out recoveryEarly emotional and behavioral warning signsWhy addiction doesn’t disappear—it goes dormantHow humility, honesty, and connection interrupt relapse cyclesThis episode is a reminder that recovery isn’t about intensity—it’s about intention.

“You can be sober… and still be miserable.”You cannot be miserable and sober for long - it doesn't work A lot of people hear sobriety and assume it automatically equals recovery.But if you’ve been around this long enough—or lived it—you know that’s not true.Today we’re breaking down:What ‘dry drunk’ actually meansThe difference between being sober and being in recoveryWhy people relapse even after long stretches of abstinenceAnd what real recovery actually looks like in day-to-day lifeThis isn’t about labels.It’s about quality of life.

my apologies in advanced for the poor video quality on this oneWhy can two people experience the same trauma in recovery — and one relapse while the other grows?The answer isn’t willpower. It’s perception.In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, we unpack how distorted thinking fuels cravings, emotional suffering, and relapse — and how recovery teaches us to reinterpret pain instead of escaping it. You’ll learn why discomfort isn’t the enemy, how emotional sobriety equals perceptual maturity, and why feelings are real but conclusions are optional.If early recovery feels louder, harder, or more overwhelming than you expected — this episode will help you put on a new pair of glasses.🎧 Topics include:Why triggers aren’t events — they’re interpretationsPain vs suffering (and how resistance multiplies pain)Emotional sobriety and perceptual maturityHow mindfulness interrupts cravingsThe shift from “why me?” to “what now?”

Welcome to Soul School. Today i sat down with Jessica and Nicole from the Soul School Podcast and we got real deep to uncover, discover and discard old ideas. You can find them on instagram here : https://www.instagram.com/therealsoulschool/What if addiction isn’t about alcohol, drugs, or behaviors—but thinking?In this episode, we break down why money obsession, judgment, anger, and control feel just as compulsive as substances—and why recovery doesn’t work until the programming changes.We explore:Why chasing money feels like spiritual starvationHow judgment becomes a socially acceptable drugWhy “more” never fixes the internal problemWhat reprogramming actually looks like in daily lifeHow service, presence, and awareness replace obsessionReplacing drugs and alcohol with self awareness and service to others can change your life one day at a time. This conversation is raw, uncomfortable, and honest—covering ego, spirituality, resentment, and the illusion of control.⚠️ Open mind required. Take what helps. Leave the rest.