Your Secret Is Safe With Me

What does better sex actually require once you've clarified your desires and started rebuilding a connection with your partner?   If you want better sex in a long-term relationship, the next step isn't simply hoping that things improve. It's learning how to communicate, collaborate, and intentionally co-create a sexual relationship that works for both of you.   In this episode, I continue our conversation about better sex by focusing on the practical realities of reconnecting sexually with a committed partner.   Rather than assuming great sex should happen effortlessly, I challenge you to lead with curiosity, presence, and a genuine willingness to understand your partner as a sexual being, perhaps in ways you never fully have before.   Listen in this week to learn how to create better sex by taking initiative, building consistent opportunities for sensual connection, and focusing on what you can control rather than fixating on your partner's behavior. I share why understanding your partner's current perspective matters, how to approach conversations about sex more directly, and why explicit communication is often essential for creating a mutually satisfying sexual relationship.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/233   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

What if having better sex has less to do with what you do in bed and more to do with how you show up with your partner every day?   If your sex life has been unsatisfying or nonexistent for a while, it's easy to assume the solution is something dramatic. But what if the real work starts somewhere much simpler?     If you want better sex, this episode will help you understand why presence and focus are essential, even when they take effort. You'll learn how to break out of patterns of distraction and disinterest, how to take responsibility for your role in the relationship dynamic, and how to begin creating the conditions where better sex can actually become possible.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/232   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

What does better sex actually mean to you, and have you ever really stopped to define it for yourself?   So many people say they want better sex, but when we look closer, they're focused on specific outcomes or details without ever considering the bigger picture of what creates a genuinely satisfying sexual experience.   Tune in this week to learn how to begin having better sex by examining your own desires, your mental and emotional experiences of sex, and the role your thinking plays in generating sexual desire. This is the foundation for having better sex, not just occasionally, but in a way that's intentional, aligned, and actually reflective of what you want.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/231   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

When your infidelity situation starts to take over everything, it can feel like it's the only thing that matters, the only thing worth thinking about, and the only thing that will determine whether you're okay.   But what if the problem isn't just the situation itself, but how much space it's taking up in your life?   If you've been feeling consumed, stuck, or like your life is on hold, this episode will help you widen your lens and start making choices from a more grounded and intentional place.   Join me this week as I explore what happens when you become fixated on your infidelity situation and how that fixation can quietly shrink your world and distort your perspective. You'll learn why staying stuck in that mental loop often leads to more confusion and suffering, and why stepping back to look at your whole life can be one of the most powerful things you can do. I also introduce a simple but meaningful way to reconnect with yourself by asking what it's important for you to be, do, and have right now, rather than getting lost in the past or trying to predict the future.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/230   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Radical un-shaming sounds lovely in theory, but what does it actually look like when you are dealing with desires, behaviors, or parts of yourself that other people insist are unacceptable?    In this episode, I'm joined by author, teacher, and counselor David Bedrick to talk about shame, morality, psychology, and the limits of a therapeutic model that divides people into victims and perpetrators, good people and bad people.   Together, we explore how infidelity and other taboo experiences are so often approached through judgment rather than curiosity, and why that leaves so much of our humanity unseen.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/229   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Is it possible to deeply love your partner and still want to have sex or romantic experiences with someone else?   If you're in a committed relationship that was supposed to be monogamous, and you find yourself wanting more than that, you may feel confused, ashamed, or worried about what that says about you. You may wonder if something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship.   In this episode, we'll explore the reality that desire for more than one person is not inherently a problem and does not automatically mean your relationship is broken.   Tune in this week as I unpack how our ideas about monogamy are shaped by social and historical forces, why wanting something outside the bounds of monogamy doesn't make you defective, and why your first priority is figuring out what you actually want. You'll also learn how to examine the reasons behind wanting to cheat or open your relationship, and how to think more consciously about the consequences you're willing to tolerate.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/228   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Have you been so immersed in your infidelity situation that it feels impossible to think clearly about anything else, let alone what you actually want from your love life?   When emotions run high and the drama feels all-consuming, it can be hard to step back and ask bigger, more honest questions about desire, fulfillment, and the life you're trying to build.   In this episode, I invite you to take a step back from the immediacy of your infidelity situation so you can reconnect with what truly matters to you.   Tune in to learn how gaining clarity about your own desires can shift how you see your infidelity situation and the choices in front of you. You'll hear why so many of us never define what love, sex, or romance actually mean to us, how unconscious assumptions can drive painful dynamics, and how stepping out of tunnel vision can help you make decisions that align with the life you want now, not the one shaped by drama or fear.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/227   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making a "bad decision" about your infidelity situation?   Maybe you're terrified that you'll leave a good-enough marriage to pursue your affair partner, only to have that relationship fall apart. Or perhaps you're scared that any choice you make will doom you to eternal misery.   Here's what I want you to know: You are never doomed by any single decision you make. In fact, I have real-time proof of this truth, and I'm sharing it with you on this episode.   Tune in this week to hear why you're never doomed by any single decision or set of decisions you make, and how making decisions for clear reasons you like prevents regret, even when the outcomes might surprise you. If you're stuck in analysis paralysis about your infidelity situation, this episode will help you understand that bold decisions aren't irreversible sentences.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/226   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

You had a drunken one-night stand while in a committed relationship, and now you're out of sorts about it.   Maybe you're torturing yourself with questions like: "Do I have to tell my partner?" "What does this mean about my relationship?" "How could I have done this?"   Here's the truth. Sometimes a one-night stand is simply a reflection of the fact that humans can be attracted to multiple people, but sometimes it's a way to distract yourself from dealing with dissatisfaction in your committed relationship.   Join me on this episode as I help you cut through the confusion by addressing the most common questions I receive about this topic. You'll learn how to examine your orientation to your committed relationship honestly, why you need to figure out where you stand before deciding whether to disclose anything to your partner, and how to stop letting this consume your precious time and energy.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/225   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Do you want to be lying on your deathbed saying, "Oh yeah, I'm really glad I didn't take that risk"?Or would you rather say, "Thank God I went all in on my desires"?   I'm asking because I just made a massive life change - I moved to Costa Rica two weeks ago. And let me tell you, it's been HARD. We've dealt with so many hurdles that within days, my spouse was ready to reevaluate. Within hours, I was asking myself "What have we done?!"   But here's what I know after coaching hundreds of people through infidelity situations: The bigger your dreams are, the more likely you'll have to go all-in to get what you want.   And going all-in? It's uncomfortable. It's not instantly rewarding. But if we hadn't done it, we'd still be sitting on our couch in San Francisco, wondering when the adventure would begin.   Whether you're considering leaving your marriage, coming clean about an affair, or making any other big life change, this episode will help you understand what it really takes to go all-in on your desires.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/224   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Have you ever found yourself keeping silent when someone makes a sweeping judgment about infidelity?   Maybe you've sat through conversations where people say things like "all cheaters are damaged people" or "once a cheater, always a cheater," and you've felt your stomach twist into knots.   You wanted to speak up, but you didn't. The fear of being found out or judged kept you silent. I get it. The stigma around infidelity can feel overwhelming and isolating.   But here's the thing: if you want to see the dominant conversation about infidelity become more nuanced and less stigmatized, you might need to participate in changing it yourself.   Join me this week as I explore why changing the dominant narrative about infidelity isn't someone else's job - it's yours, mine, and everybody else's. You'll discover why your voice matters in changing these conversations, how to respond to judgmental comments without defending infidelity, and why speaking up about your experiences might educate people in ways you never expected.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/223   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

The fear of dating again after a long period of not dating is definitely a factor that keeps some people from thinking clearly about what they want to do about their infidelity situation.   In this episode, I'm addressing the terror and dislike many people have about contending with the world of dating, especially when they've been in committed relationships for years and find themselves navigating infidelity.   I work with clients who are convinced the stakes of their infidelity situation are very high because if both of their relationships didn't work out, they would end up being single and having to deal with the dating scene. This seems like a very dire scenario for a lot of people who haven't dated for a long time.   The truth is, unaddressed fears can keep us stuck in all sorts of weird and undesirable ways, and the fear of dating again is one of those fears that can keep us stuck in our infidelity situation for longer than we would like to be.   Tune in this week to hear my insights on dating for the first time in a long time. You'll learn how to get clear on what you want out of the experience of dating, why having vague intentions gets you vague results, and how this applies whether you're using dating apps, meeting people the old-fashioned way, or trying any other approach to connecting with new humans.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/222   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Working with couples separately might seem counterintuitive when challenges arise.   The dominant cultural narrative tells us that relationship problems require both partners in the same room with a therapist, working through issues together. But what if this approach actually reinforces the very dynamics that create unnecessary suffering in relationships?   I regularly get asked if I work with affair couples, and the answer is absolutely yes - but not in the traditional couples counseling format. Instead, I work with affair partners concurrently but separately. This approach has nothing to do with the affair component of the relationship and everything to do with creating lasting change in relationship dynamics.   Join me this week as I explain why I work with affair couples as individuals, and why this approach might be exactly what your relationship needs. You'll learn why your partner's actions aren't actually causing your feelings (even though it really seems like they are), the four options you have when your partner does something you don't like, and why taking radical responsibility for your own experience changes everything.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/221   If you want my personalized attention and support, we can work together one-on-one. Find out more here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/one-on-one

Going back and forth between two relationships can feel like being trapped in an endless ping-pong match.   One moment you're certain about choosing your spouse, the next you're convinced your affair partner is the one. This exhausting cycle of changing your mind (sometimes within hours or even minutes) can leave you wondering if there's something fundamentally wrong with you.   When you're caught between two people you genuinely care about, the act of choosing becomes surprisingly complex. I work with many clients who know they want to be in just one relationship, but they're struggling because they value both partners for very different reasons. They've done extensive comparisons, recognized they're choosing between two good options, and still can't seem to make a decision stick.   Here's what most people don't understand: there's nothing wrong with you if you're struggling to choose. But you may need to completely shift how you're thinking about this decision.   Tune in this week to learn why you're vacillating between two relationships, and how to break free from this pattern. You'll hear why your brain will probably throw a tantrum about having to make a decision, and the secret to making your chosen relationship thrive.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/220

Maybe you're in the midst of an affair, paralyzed by guilt and uncertainty. Maybe you're losing sleep, watching your health decline, and feeling like there's no good way out.   Today, I want to share a remarkable story that might change how you see what's possible.   The guilt was unbearable. Michael couldn't sleep, his health was declining, and he felt trapped between two worlds - a marriage that had become a roommate situation and memories of an affair that had awakened something he'd been missing for years.   This week, I'm joined by my client Michael, who courageously shares his journey of wrestling with his infidelity situation. What emerged from our work together transformed not just Michael's romantic life, but his entire approach to decision-making and relationships.   Join us today to discover why being "stuck" is often more damaging than taking action, how to make difficult decisions without having all the answers, the importance of being faithful to yourself, and how Michael created a positive post-divorce relationships.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/219

You're already making plans for tomorrow without knowing if the internet will crash, your dog will have an emergency, or an earthquake will hit.   You're creating your future every single day, despite life's fundamental uncertainty. Yet when it comes to your infidelity situation, you might be waiting for a crystal ball to show you exactly how things will turn out before making any moves.   So many people tell me they need to know what divorce feels like before deciding to get divorced, or they need 90% certainty their decision will work out well. They're looking for guarantees that life simply doesn't offer. Meanwhile, these same people confidently plan vacations, have children, and make career moves without any promise of how things will unfold.   Join me this week to learn the difference between actively creating your future versus trying to predict it. You'll hear how you're creating your future every single day through your choices, both big and small, and how you already possess the power to deliberately shape your future.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/218

Have you ever felt proud of yourself for telling the truth… only to later wonder if you should have approached it differently?   We often think of truth-telling as an absolute good - something that's always right and beneficial. But what if I told you that, sometimes, the truth we choose to tell isn't necessarily the most important or useful truth in a situation?   This week, I share a story about how a dead rat smell in a yoga studio became the catalyst for a profound lesson about truth-telling, and how my well-intentioned truth-telling may have inadvertently created more problems than it solved.   Through this cautionary tale, you'll discover why truth isn't always the straightforward virtue we think it is. I'll show you how even those of us who consider ourselves nuanced about honesty can get caught up in truth-telling fervor, and why the most important question isn't whether to tell the truth, but which truth is most useful to tell.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/217

Have you ever had someone walk out of your life without warning, only to reappear months later as if nothing happened?   It's complicated enough when it happens in regular relationships. But when it involves an affair partner, the complexity multiplies tenfold.   This kind of heartbreak hits differently when the relationship itself existed in secrecy, making the grief even more isolating.   Join me this week as I tackle the heart-wrenching reality of what happens when an affair partner breaks your heart - and the even more complicated question of what to do if they come back. You'll learn how to stop waiting for someone else to change and start taking control of your own emotional well-being and future relationships.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/216

Have you ever thought about "checking out your options" before making a big relationship decision?   It seems logical, right? Why make a life-changing choice without knowing what else is out there?   When you're married but questioning whether you want to stay that way, the unknown can feel paralyzing.    Join me this week as I dive into why people choose to secretly date while married and what actually happens when they do.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/215

Have you ever been paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" decision about your relationship(s)?   Maybe you're considering leaving your marriage, ending an affair, or making another significant change in your relationship status. And maybe the fear of regret is keeping you stuck.   Making major relationship decisions can feel like standing at the edge of a cliff, knowing that once you jump, there's no going back.    In this episode, I break down exactly what to do when you find yourself living with relationship decisions you don't like, and share practical steps for addressing your dissatisfaction without spiraling into panic.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/214

Is it really okay to end something that's working well?   After much consideration, I've decided to pause production of Your Secret is Safe With Me indefinitely while I pursue new creative endeavors.   This decision wasn't made because anything is wrong—quite the opposite.   My experience with this transition mirrors what many of my clients face in their relationships and life choices. There's often a belief that we shouldn't end something that's "good enough" or that we must finish everything we've started. But what if the most faithful act to ourselves is allowing evolution, even when it means leaving something valuable behind?   This final episode explores the legitimacy of change and the permission we all deserve to give ourselves when moving in new directions.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/213

Have you ever felt stuck between two good choices?   Through my personal story of leaving a life I loved to join the Peace Corps, I illustrate how choosing between two good things - while challenging - can lead to profound growth and fulfillment.   If you're struggling with a decision that feels impossible because both options have value, this episode is for you.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/212

Feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world? Wondering how to focus on your own personal struggles—like dealing with infidelity—when global crises seem so much bigger?    In this episode, I explore how to stay engaged with the world's problems without being consumed by them. You'll learn why tending to your own challenges is not selfish but essential, and how taking responsibility for what you can control helps you build resilience and show up for yourself and others.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/211

Does your partner's sexual past make you uncomfortable? What if you found out they had exchanged sex for money before you met - would that feel like cheating?   These are the kinds of thorny questions I tackle head-on in this week's episode. I'll help you examine your beliefs about sex work, infidelity, and how much of our pasts we need to share with new partners.   Whether you've been on either side of this situation or are just curious to expand your perspective, you'll gain valuable insights for approaching these sensitive conversations with more clarity and intentionality.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/210

Have you ever felt like you have competing desires when it comes to relationships? Like part of you craves freedom and adventure while another part yearns for deep intimacy and stability?   Astrologer Karen Hawkwood joins me this week to discuss how astrology can provide a framework for understanding these complex and often paradoxical needs. We also discuss how legitimizing all parts of ourselves, even the ones that seem to be in conflict, is key to finding more peace in our love lives.   If you've struggled to make sense of your infidelity situation, this episode will offer a new perspective on honoring the fullness of who you are.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/209

Is paying for sex cheating?    In this week's episode, I dive into the complex intersection of sex work and infidelity. I explore how to be a conscious consumer of sexual services, the social stigma around sex work, and the diversity of experiences within the industry. I also address listener questions about the risks and benefits of seeing sex workers versus having an affair.    Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/208

Have you ever wondered if your astrological chart holds clues to your relationship patterns and tendencies?    In this episode, I sit down with teacher and practitioner of archetypal astrology, Karen Hawkwood, to explore how astrology can provide valuable insights into the parts of ourselves that shape our experiences with infidelity.   Whether you're well-versed in astrology or simply curious about how it might relate to your own infidelity situation, this episode offers a thought-provoking perspective on the ways in which we can work with our inherent tendencies and needs to create more fulfilling relationships.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/207

What would your life look like a year from now if you resolved your infidelity situation in a way that felt really amazing to you?   Do you struggle to imagine what resolving your infidelity situation could look like? Listen in this week as I dive into the power of envisioning your ideal future and guide you through a series of prompts that will help you imagine the most delightful, satisfying resolution to your infidelity situation.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/206

What if I told you that the key to making positive changes in your life is self-love and acceptance, not self-loathing?   It may sound counterintuitive, but giving yourself credit for what you HAVE done can be incredibly motivating, especially if you've been beating yourself up over infidelity. In this episode, I guide you through an exercise to reflect on your accomplishments, big and small, over the past year. You'll be amazed at how empowering it feels!   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/205

Do the holidays have you feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place in your infidelity situation? You're not alone.    Trying to balance family obligations with an affair partner's desires can seem impossible. But even when you don't like your options, you still have choices. In this episode, I explore real-world scenarios and discuss how to identify your options, make decisions you feel good about, and take responsibility for your own happiness - no matter what your affair partner or spouse does.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/204

What's more important to you - your money or your freedom?   If you're stuck in a marriage you don't want to be in but are reluctant to leave because you don't want to lose half your wealth, you're not alone. Many of my clients grapple with this dilemma.   In this episode, I dig into what money really means to you and how to weigh that against the freedom to live life on your own terms. I share strategies to get clear on your values and make empowered choices so you can start untangling your thoughts around money, marriage, and living authentically.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/203

Are you struggling with the idea of breaking up with your affair partner? How do you tell them it's over in a way that doesn't sound like an ultimatum? Is it possible to stay friends afterwards? And what if you work together - how do you navigate that?   This is a uniquely challenging situation that brings up a lot of difficult questions, but I've got you covered. In this episode, I provide compassionate, nonjudgmental guidance on how to end an affair relationship as considerately as possible. While it may never be easy, there are ways to make the process clearer for both you and your affair partner.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/202

High-conflict breakups are always going to be tricky. And when infidelity is involved, feelings can get amplified, leading to some pretty interesting behavior. Some people have a particularly hard time when a relationship comes to an end, feeling sad, hurt, rejected, unloved, abandoned... even worthless.   So, how do you go about extricating yourself from a relationship with someone who is (to put it in the most simplistic terms) behaving very badly? Tune in this week for a conversation about dealing with high-conflict breakups where you'll learn how to support yourself as this unpleasant situation unfolds.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/201

Does your marriage or your committed relationship CURRENTLY feel like home to you? Or are you running off of memories of what your relationship once felt like to you? If you are dissatisfied with your committed relationship to the point where you're seriously considering leaving, but you think you can't leave because your sense of home is predicated upon you staying, I invite you to listen in this week.   Through my own nostalgia for past experiences of feeling at home, I share how to identify your nostalgia and discover where it's coming from. You'll learn how to navigate bewildering thoughts of wanting to leave your marriage, but not wanting to lose the sense of home you have within your marriage.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/200

No matter what you've done or are doing in regards to your infidelity situation, you are worthy of acceptance, love, and respect. As you'll hear in this episode, I explore the idea that there ARE people out there who will understand and accept you, even if they know all the details of your infidelity. While it may seem like everyone would judge and shun you, that simply isn't true. I also answer a question from a listener about their specific infidelity situation, which will offer valuable perspective to anybody engaging in something they consider infidelity, or dealing with the aftermath of an affair ending.   Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/199

What do you do if your ex-affair partner's spouse wants to talk to you about the affair? Do you owe them an apology or explanation? Is there actually anything you can say to make this person feel any better?   In this episode, I explore the tricky question of what, if anything, you might want to offer the partner of someone you had an affair with. I discuss how to set boundaries that align with your values, share strategies for engaging in difficult conversations, and you'll learn how to decide exactly what will work best for you if you find yourself in this scenario.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/198

Have you ever reconnected with a former flame and found yourself in an affair, wondering if this is your second chance at true love? When people are engaging in affairs with someone they've been involved with in the past, they tend to see these relationships as an incredibly high-stakes situation.   Tune in this week to look at some of the major challenges of engaging in affairs with old lovers, how you might be inadvertently creating unnecessary drama through the way you think about this relationship, and what you can do about it. Even if you aren't having an affair with a long-lost former lover, you'll be able to see this human tendency to overcomplicate relationships of all kinds laid bare, so you can stop self-inflicted torture in your romantic life.    Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/197

Are you tolerating aspects of your life and relationship situations that you shouldn't? This week, I dive into what happens when we tolerate things we don't like, and why we so often think we have to put up with them when we don't. Find out why so many people don't want to acknowledge that they are tolerating things they dislike in their affair relationships, the problem with disliking something and not being willing to face it, and what you can do if you are in this scenario.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/196

Something I hear regularly is the belief that relationships that begin as affairs cannot transition into non-affair relationships. A lot of folks I work with are CONVINCED that if they start an affair relationship, it will never be able to get onto "normal" footing, and it is simply doomed to fail. But does this have to be true? Is this what you want to be true for your relationship?   In this week's episode, I help you disentangle a few things about your affair relationship, address the misconception that relationships that start as affairs and transition into non-affair relationships either don't or can't last very long, and show you why affair relationships can, in fact, last a lifetime.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/195

Are you facing doubt in your infidelity situation? Do you want to make a decision but feel uncertain about what the right decision is? Maybe you are unsure whether to end things with your marriage and pursue a relationship with your affair partner. Maybe you don't know whether your marriage is worth fighting for. Maybe you worry about the impact that exposing your affair or leaving your committed relationship will have on the people you love.   This week, I show you how to deal with doubt in your infidelity situation and why you need to be willing to look at the thoughts you currently hold about the options available to you. Find out where doubt comes from, why you experience it in the first place, and how to stop overcomplicating the decision-making process and start making decisions that feel good to you.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/194

If you are married or in a long-term relationship and also involved with someone else, there may be one big question on your mind when you think about ending your committed relationship: what exactly do you owe yourself, your partner, or your relationship before you can decide to leave it?   This week, discover why you feel so much pressure to try everything before leaving your committed relationship and what to do to avoid staying stuck in limbo when you feel this way. I share some actions you can take if you are holding back from leaving your committed relationship simply because you feel like you owe it something, and why deciding you no longer want to be in a relationship is legitimate and doesn't always mean you have to change something.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/193  

Do you ever find yourself fantasizing about your ex-affair partner? Do you torture yourself reminiscing on the wonderful times you shared, and the amazing memories you hold with them, even though the infidelity situation has since come to an end?   Discover the reasons you might still be fantasizing about your ex-affair partner, and how to start to ease your way out of this if you really do want to relegate your memories to the compost bin of history. I share some tips to help you take action that is right for you the next time you notice yourself thinking about your ex-affair partner and the three choices you always have available to you when it comes to fantasizing about your ex-affair partner.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/192

There is a common belief that marriage should last a lifetime. So when somebody decides that they are dissatisfied with life as they know it, and engage in an infidelity situation as a result, it is commonly labeled as a midlife crisis. But what if waking up one morning and deciding you are dissatisfied with your life is a wonderful opportunity to reexamine what you want and what you want to do about it?    This week, I show you why engaging in infidelity isn't always a symptom of a midlife crisis, and how to establish what is really going on in your life if you are doing this. Find out what so many people believe to be the solution to a midlife crisis, what I believe to be the real solution, and why it does not involve convincing yourself to stick with the status quo and be happy with what you have.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/191

The Magic Button that I'm diving deeper into this week is the one you wish you could push to answer all your questions about your infidelity situation. The one that, when you push it, your infidelity situation magically resolves in a way that you are delighted with, without you having to do much of anything. That magic button would solve all your problems, right?    I teach you how to contend with things that are challenging in your life and infidelity situation in a way that is most empowering for you. I show you the problem with looking for external examples and answers regarding what to do about your infidelity situation, and how to, instead, use your precious time and energy learning how to come up with your own answers.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/190

People often freak out when infidelity occurs, even if it has pretty much zero impact on their lives. It gets treated as a big scandal that the "perpetrator" needs to redeem themselves from. Whether or not you buy into the idea that scandal, disgrace, and redemption are real things, other people turning your experiences into a public spectacle is a very real thing, and it's a pretty big deal.   Tune in this week to discover what you need to consider if you find yourself the object of a scandalous spectacle following an affair. I share two parallel practices for dealing with being the object of a scandal, and you'll learn how to take responsibility and begin the work of redeeming yourself in your own eyes, if that's what you choose to do in this situation.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/189

Have you ever found yourself in an affair situation with someone who is monogamously committed to someone else? For a while, your partner is pretty sure they want to leave that relationship and pursue a non-affair relationship with you. They share their intentions to leave their partner for weeks, months, or even years, and they may even take action to prove these intentions.    Then, one day, your affair partner reaches the point where they decide that they can't leave their committed relationship after all. They decide to stay in that relationship, despite everything they have said and done in their affair relationship with you. So what happened? And what the hell do you do now?! Tune in this week to find out.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/188

How often do you make a decision that you think you're happy with, then doubt yourself and fear it was the wrong one because you feel so many mixed emotions about it? When you make a major decision in your life, about your infidelity situation or otherwise, you are most likely going to have mixed thoughts and feelings about it, but that DOESN'T mean it's a problem or a sign you should choose differently.    In this week's episode of Your Secret Is Safe With Me, learn why it is completely okay to change your mind on any decision you make and the importance of making decisions with a managed mind. Find out why making a decision with a managed mind doesn't mean you can't change your mind further down the line and how I used exactly what I'm teaching you this week in my own life to put an end to a program I was offering so soon after putting it out into the world.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/187

Join me for part two of "Why I Do the Work I Do" as I share the turning point that led me to become a relationship coach specializing in non-judgmental assistance to people engaging in infidelity, and exactly what it took for me to get here. I'm picking up where I left off last week and sharing the power of taking small steps forward, even when your confidence is wavering, and how I created this unique role for myself despite believing for a while that I didn't have what it takes to be an entrepreneur.   You CAN create a version of yourself and your life that doesn't exist yet, and I'm showing you how in this episode.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/186

As you may be aware, "non-judgmental infidelity coach" is not a common job description that exists out there in the world, at least not to my knowledge. This thing I do and the angle I take is pretty unique, and I am dedicated to offering non-judgmental guidance to people actively engaging in any form of infidelity. But how did I get here? What exactly led me to do the work I do?   In this week's episode, I share where my interest in all things sexuality and the stigma surrounding it came from, and how exactly I came to do the work I do today. I dive into what enables me to conceptualize infidelity and help people in the ways that I do, and how my background and interests from a very young age inform my capacity to help people deal with their infidelity situations in a non-judgmental way.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/185

At some point, the drawbacks of your infidelity situation can start to outweigh the benefits, and if this happens for you, you may want to start thinking about taking a conscious, deliberate approach to resolving your infidelity situation in a way you feel good about. Yes it might feel hard at first – so hard that you may decide that you'd rather stay put and continue to accept the status quo – but here's the thing: staying stuck and stressed is NOT your only option. It is NOT as hard to resolve your infidelity situation as you may currently believe; you just need to change the way you approach it. And I'm here to help.   This week, I show you why resolving your infidelity situation doesn't have to be as difficult as you think it will be and how to resolve it in a way you feel great about.   Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/184