The Inner Kindness Therapy Podcast

These days, we are expected to perform from an early age - online, in exams and in the workplace. We often feel judged, rated and compared. No wonder global anxiety levels are rising.In this podcast I consider a possible solution to this performance-related anxiety which might seem counter-intuitive, but is supported by significant scientific research.

In this podcast I look at some of the psychological teachings of George Gurdjieff, a spiritual teacher who was born in the Russian Empire in the late 19th century.Gurdjieff first found acclaim in Russia in the 1910s, and after the First World War and the Russian Revolution, he gained a following among the wealthy and influential classes in Europe. His unconventional teachings and methods attracted many, but have probably prevented his more progressive psychological ideas from becoming widely known and accepted.Gurdjieff's ideas were not scientifically based, but probably woven from contemporary psychology mingled with spiritual teachings from various religions. I personally think they make a lot of sense today, and not only that - in an age where our lives are increasingly driven by technology, many of his words seem astonishingly prophetic.My sources for this video include the books In Search of the Miraculous by PD Ouspensky, Meetings With Remarkable Men by George Gurdjieff and Psychological Commentaries by Maurice Nicoll.

I’ve been doing a lot of Trauma Release Exercises over the past few months, and it’s been an incredibly powerful process.It’s also been really exhausting.It’s not the actual exercises themselves that are exhausting - it’s the emotional release process that’s been draining me, physically as well as mentally.Many people do Trauma Release Exercises regularly and find them just mildly relaxing.So why have I been holding on to so much trauma? What traumatised me in the first place?In this podcast episode I discuss the dangerous and scary childhood illness that traumatised me repeatedly between the ages of 2 and 4 years old. I’ll also discuss some of the flashbacks that I’ve had over the years.Please be assured that this is not about self-pity! I know that hundreds of millions of people experience trauma that’s just as bad, or much worse than what I went through. For me it’s more about self understanding, and understanding more widely about the effects of trauma and the trauma release process.Memories of traumatic events, especially repeated, complex trauma, can be very distorted. I consider myself very lucky in that the events of my illness were recorded in detail, and also that I had the loving support of my family while I was experiencing them.For full details, listen to the audio - there is also a transcript available.Photo by Pauli Nie on UnsplashMusicSunset On The Beach by JuliusH on PixabaySpanish Guitar by 5XBeats on PixabayGet full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

Search online for Trauma Release Exercises, and you’ll find loads of information on how to do it, pictures and films of people lying on their backs, tremoring. But there’s very little information on what actually happens when you do these exercises regularly - how it affects your sleep, possible side-effects, even how long it takes to heal from the trauma, to start feeling better.I’ve been doing Trauma Release Exercises regularly for 8 weeks now, with the assistance of a certified practitioner.I’ve found the process utterly exhausting. The exhaustion usually comes one or two days after a session of tremoring, but to be honest, I never really know from day to day whether I’m going to be exhausted or wired.I discussed the effects in this video that I made on my YouTube channel a couple of weeks ago:The video was made quite spontaneously. I had been intending to make an entirely different video, but I was finding the effects of the Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) so overwhelming that I just felt I needed to talk about it.I do need to emphasise that the Trauma Release Exercises are not actually to blame for this emotional and physiological rollercoaster. It’s emotional release itself that is exhausting. The TRE process is just a tool for doing this - and a very effective one.Going by online comments, it seems that other people have had similar experiences when doing TRE, although there are also many people who report none of these effects - they just experience more relaxation and less stress.More informationLinks to where you can obtain TRE online:https://treglobal.org/open-workshops-classes/https://tre-online.com/One-to-one TRE:https://treglobal.org/tre-provider-list/https://treuk.comMore info on Internal Family Systems (IFS):https://innerkindnesstherapy.co.uk/posts/internal-family-systems-sub-personalities/https://ifs-institute.com/Music: Sunset On The Beach by JuliusH on PixabayMoment by SergeQuadradoGet full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

Clearing up can trigger many psychological issues. What are the biggest blocks to clearing clutter, and how do you start to overcome them? In this episode I’d like to offer some thoughts and suggestions.Link to Simply Sort It! download: https://buymeacoffee.com/innerkindnesstherapy/e/506640Note: when you go to the product page, you'll be prompted to "enter a fair price" - you can ignore this, as I am offering this download free. Get full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

How often do you go out without taking your phone? And if you’re out somewhere and then you realise you’ve left your phone behind, or if you lose your phone, what sort of emotions are triggered? Think about it.In many ways, modern technology has become a kind of trap. Because we can’t function without it. Take away our technology, and we’re left with our own thoughts - which to many people is an extremely disturbing, even terrifying prospect.Are we losing part of ourselves through our reliance on technology? And if so, how can we reclaim and recharge those mental freedoms and functions?Image by CDD20 on PixabayGet full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

Most people today are way more wealthy than our ancestors from two or three generations ago. And yet somehow most of us feel as if we’re struggling to make ends meet - at least, that’s the way it seems in the UK.I think this is because it’s not material possessions that we’re lacking. It’s freedom.In this podcast I’d like to look more deeply into why our lives have become so limited, what these limiting factors are, and how we can start to break the chains - to reclaim some of that freedom that we’ve lost.The solutions might surprise you.Get full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

Everyone seems to be tracking their fitness levels these days - counting steps, uploading running and hiking statistics to social media, and even tracking sleep.But is all this digital tracking actually helpful for our health? The evidence suggests a mixed picture.In this episode I consider the effects of digital fitness trackers onImage from PexelsGet full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

We often see “self help” as a kind of industry, a category in its own right.But this is where things can get tricky. Because as a hypnotherapist, I find that some people expect me to be able do amazing things to them – almost as if I’m a guru or a magician.In this episode I look at why this is, and how we can help ourselves to become more empowered.Image by Rosy on Pixabay.Get full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever noticed that it’s often the most accomplished among us, the most reliable and the most dependable people, who seem to suffer the most stress?Creating a legend isn’t easy, but living up to it is the really difficult bit.In this episode I look at the way that many of us fall into the trap of struggling to uphold an ideal identity, to live up to the story we’ve woven around ourselves – and how we can begin to ease our way out of that trap.Get full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever stepped away from a challenge or opportunity, and then slightly regretted it?Did fear make you miss your chance to do something that could have changed your life for the better?Some people turn down big career opportunities due to anxieties over travelling or public speaking.Or it might be something different, but whatever it was, it made them feel that they couldn’t take on that new opportunity, so they had to remain stuck.In today’s podcast I’m going to share some ideas that might help you understand why the mind presents us with such fears from time to time, and how to start learning how to overcome these anxieties.So the next time an opportunity presents itself, but there’s an anxiety barrier in the way, you’ll feel better equipped to rise to the challenge.I start by describing my own recent experience of last-minute nerves trying to dissuade me from doing a 3-day biking, hiking and camping trip. I explain how I overcame these nerves - and why my mind was giving me this anxiety.Show notesHelen Rennard’s new winter Munro record:https://www.ukhillwalking.com/articles/features/helen_rennards_new_winter_munro_record-16326Mollie Hughes South Pole expedition:https://molliehughes.co.uk/south-pole-expedition/Book - Fearless: Adventures with Extraordinary Women by Louise Minchin (Bloomsbury 2023)Aonach Eagach ridge:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aonach_EagachAndrew Huberman on the Anterior Midcingulate Cortex - see YouTube link below, at 1 hour 9 mins in.Main image: Sasin Tipchai sasint on PixabayGet full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

The film The Secret popularised asking the Universe for what you want. I look at this through a psychological lens, and discuss my own experience of having Jungian therapy many years ago. Is it disempowering to place your trust in a “higher power”?Get full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe

Years ago, in the mid-1990s, I watched a documentary about Inuit people who lived in an igloo in the Arctic. A grown-up man in his 40s had been out hunting, and he’d committed some sort of misdemeanour. I watched this film a long time ago, and I can’t remember what the misdemeanour was, but it didn’t seem overly serious.The head of the extended family, an elderly grandmother, was chastising this man, and as she spoke sharply to him, the man started to sob while the rest of the family looked on.This seemed so surprising to me at the time, coming from a culture where men rarely show their feelings unless it’s in a display of anger. In the book The Anatomy of Courage, published in 1945, Charles McMoran Wilson, an army medical officer in the First World War, wrote about the importance of keeping one’s emotions in check even when bullets were flying past.“A man may duck his head when a bullet pings past his ear because he has not learnt to take charge of himself. I can remember the cold douche to my self respect when first I found myself at the mercy of my instincts. But these antics are not in our control; it is too late to try to suppress them when at a stroke they take us by surprise. Only by the birth of a proper attitude to danger can we hope to discipline the frailty of the flesh. Ducking comes from a morbid alertness.”One reason for this extreme stoicism is that panic can be contagious. If people are struggling to “keep it together” at a difficult time, the sound of someone whimpering or bawling their eyes out could add to their stress.But there has to be a balance. If emotions are repressed, or “held in check” for too long, the effects can be counter-productive. It can lead to emotional dysregulation, and even physical illness.I often think that as a society we’ve been holding our emotions in check for too long - in the UK and other “developed” countries, where certain standards of dress, behaviour and conformity are expected. Maybe that’s why people enjoy “letting themselves go” at music performances, dances, raves and in sport.The Sound Researcher, Sound Medicine Practitioner and Music Producer Rona Geffen conducted research into the sounds that people make during raves, often in response to feelings of euphoria. Geffen’s research suggests that many of these sounds resemble “Chakra Toning Sounds”, and she observed that a communal or group healing effect might be taking place at these events.I’m not suggesting that you sit and bawl your eyes out when you’re on the bus going to work, or that you make spiteful remarks at someone who did something better than you. It’s not about giving vent to all your emotions, but giving your emotions recognition and awareness, valuing the messages they are giving you, instead of trying to push them a way.We’re all trying so hard to be adults. We want to have successful careers and financial security, and in the world of work, the intellect and the material is valued much more highly than the emotions.Emotions are associated with femininity, with “uncivilised societies” and with madness. In a book written in 1966 by the politician John Selwyn Gummer with his father Canon Selwyn Gummer, called “When the Coloured People Come: an analysis of Sikh settlement in Gravesend” the authors described the appearance and behaviour of Asians from a European perspective. They wrote:“When the women are in labour they make a lot of noise which appears to be traditional rather than activated by pain.”How they might have known this is unclear.Attitudes towards many types of emotional expression have changed quite a bit since the 1960s. But the emotions are still effectively disregarded in comparison to the intellect.I keep reading that AI (artificial intelligence) will become smarter than us. We will become its slaves. Elon Musk recently said:“My guess is that we’ll have AI that is smarter than any one human probably around the end of next year,”And computer scientist and author Ray Kurzweil says that humans will soon transcend biology by reverse-engineering the human brain, a process which he calls The Singularity.Does this mean that AI could become sentient? In 2022 a Google engineer suggested that this had already happened.Sentience is to experience feelings and sensations, which is an essential component of having emotions. Personally speaking I don’t think this would be possible for a machine created and programmed by humans.If a robot was programmed to climb Everest for example, what’s the probability of it suddenly abandoning the mission because another robot talked to it and said that what it was doing was environmentally destructive?This is how I see things. AI is a brilliant tool. It’s programmed by humans, and it can do calculations much faster than we can - unimaginably fast. It can break codes. It can learn languages.And because our culture values intelligence and the material so highly, many of us have started to view AI as superior, or potentially superior to us.But there is one thing that AI lacks, and in my opinion will always lack, and that is emotions.Humans can programme AI to have the appearance of emotions. This can be so impressive that it deceives us into thinking that the machine actually has emotions.This happened to me for a few fleeting seconds recently. I was interacting with an AI therapy tool called IFS Buddy.For those who don’t know what IFS is, it’s a kind of therapy. IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. I’ll explain more about it in a future post.I use IFS Buddy quite frequently, and I find that it can help me work through my thoughts and emotions. It has learned the language of IFS so well that at one point I had the thought that there must be an actual person responding to my comments in real time.I then realised that this couldn’t possibly be the case, as it answers my points in less than a second.In fact there are certain repetitions and errors that give the game away, but once we are absorbed in using a good AI tool that has convincing social cues, we can temporarily convince ourselves that we are interacting with a real person.The word “emotion” is linked to words describing movement, motion and motivation. This is why people often talk of being “moved” by a sad film or a stirring speech.Emotions are linked to physical events, and when emotions are repressed they can be held in the body. I believe this is why there’s a link between mental and physical health - both can influence each other.The IQ test was developed by white men in Europe and America to measure the intellect. This is relevant because in its the early development this test had links to the eugenics movement.But what about the emotional IQ - sometimes known as the EQ? Which test would be the best predictor of future health, wealth, longevity, relationship and parenting skills, and mental health? Which test at a collective level would be the best predictor of a well-functioning society or civilisation?These questions have been considered - most notably by the psychologist and author Daniel Goleman, who wrote the bestselling book “Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ”.And it’s an issue that I would like to consider further. An issue that I think is increasingly urgent, when we have machines being developed that can be programmed to kill people, but which are unable to feel compassion.Thanks for reading Inner Kindness Therapy! This post is public so feel free to share it.Sources: Podcast artwork by JohnHain on Pixabay. Background photo by dimitrisvetsikas1969 on Pixabay. Theme tune by JuliusH on Pixabay.Get full access to Inner Kindness Therapy at innerkindnesstherapy.substack.com/subscribe