Behind the Curtain: Honest Conversations about Foster Care and Adoption

What if survival isn’t the goal—or even the best question? Rebecca opens the door to a different pursuit: building a sustainable home life in foster care and adoption by asking how to thrive when nothing else changes. Through a raw, unedited monologue, she traces the arc from a stacked season of yeses, a hospital-heavy year, and the first real brush with caregiver burnout to a set of clear, livable practices that steady the family’s pace.We unpack sustainability where it actually counts: in day-to-day choices that shape peace and connection. Rebecca walks through the signals she watches—when the laughter fades, when clutter crowds her attention, when schedules spin past reason—and how she responds with three anchors: simplify what you can, add beauty you can see, and plan intentional fun. Nature becomes a quiet ally, from flowers on the counter to time on the water, and microdoses of control help the nervous system stand down so the heart can show up.When life gets heavier, the strategy gets simpler. Sleep, sunlight, movement, hydration, and small boundaries become non-negotiables that turn chaos into a plan. For anyone who struggles to define thriving, Rebecca offers a practical tool: reverse-engineer the feeling of drowning and do the precise opposite, one consistent action at a time. The result isn’t a perfect home; it’s a durable culture where caregivers stay regulated, connection has room to grow, and love is not only present but livable.If you’re navigating foster care, adoption, or simply a season that feels too loud, this conversation offers grounded hope and actionable steps. Listen, share with a friend who needs steady ground today, and subscribe to get the next chapter as we return with edited interviews. Your review helps more caregivers find this space—will you leave one and tell us your first small step toward thriving?We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

A lot of adoptive and foster parents are handed an impossible goal: your family should look seamless, your child should feel “forever” the moment adoption is finalized, and your bond should eventually feel just like biology. When that does not happen, it can leave you spiraling between overcontrol and despair. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Stacy Cales, LCSW, a former foster parent, adoptive mom, and licensed clinical social worker known in Jacksonville for helping families untangle attachment challenges, and we name the pressure out loud.We talk about Stacye’s “beloved aunt or uncle” benchmark and why it can be the missing permission slip for exhausted parents. Lowering the bar is not lowering the love. It is removing the intensity that keeps everyone braced for failure. From there, we dig into why adoption day can feel like a letdown or even a threat, how our own attachment histories shape what feels urgent, and why we often parent our kids to survive the childhood we had. If you have ever thought, “Why is this still hard after all these years?” you are going to feel seen.You will also get practical tools you can use today: the calm storytelling voice, small consequences you can actually enforce, the power of repair, and why boundaries are a core ingredient of healthy attachment. We even touch on prenatal and early childhood brain wiring so you can stop blaming yourself for what is really nervous system math.If you are raising a child through foster care or adoption and you want more peace at home, listen through and then share this with a parent who needs it. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us what belief about attachment you are ready to release.If you'd like to know more about the work that Stacey does, or if you're a Florida resident looking for an attachment therapist, you can find more at her website here: https://floridaattachment.org/We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Fostering can sound like a noble idea until it’s your front door, your kids, your routines, and your fear of what you can’t control. That’s why this conversation matters. We’re joined by Corey McKinney, a foster dad, author, and longtime mentor, to talk honestly about the “silent” part of the foster care community: dads who want to protect their families but also feel the pull to help kids who have nowhere safe to land.Corey shares what it looked like to resist foster parenting for nearly two years, what finally shifted his mindset, and why foster care has to be a full yes from both partners. We walk through the reality of a first placement that ends in disruption, the guilt that can follow, and how talking to a trusted friend or spouse can keep you from carrying it alone. We also dig into trauma-informed parenting in the most practical way: structure, food insecurity, school fights that don’t show up at home, and the small daily habits that help kids feel safe.Then we go deeper into the part most people misunderstand: attachment. Corey explains his “temporary assignment” approach, where the goal is to send a child out of your home better than when they came in, while still loving them fully in the here and now. If you’re considering foster care, adoption, respite care, or you’re already living it and need language for what you feel, you’ll walk away with clarity, courage, and concrete tools. Subscribe, share this with a foster dad you know, and leave a review so more families can find these stories.Find Corey here:Instagram: @TheCoreyMcKinney Facebook: Corey McKinney   LinkedIn: Corey McKinneyWebsite: www.coreymckinney.netWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Foster care can be beautiful and it can be brutal, and the people who often get overlooked are the biological kids already living in the home. We wanted to change that, so we sat down with Talia Ray Farrow, a bio, foster, and adoptive sister to more than 65 kids, to talk honestly about what it is like to grow up in a foster and adoptive family that is always expanding, shifting, and saying goodbye. We get into the realities behind the highlight reel: sibling sets and separation, the grief that shows up as anger or jealousy, and the moment a child finally says, “My heart needs a break.” Talia Ray shares what helped her most as a bio kid, including parents who keep communication open every day, listen without rushing to fix, and build trust through small, steady quality time. We also talk about how grief can return years later, how to support kids through those anniversaries, and why attachment does not look the same with every foster sibling. If you are fostering, adopting, considering a foster care license, or trying to support your own children while caring for other kids, this conversation offers practical tools and a lot of hope. Subscribe, share this with a foster parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find these stories. What is one thing you wish someone had told your bio kids early on?Find Talia-Rae here:@sister.to.many (Instagram)@Sister To Many (Facebook)You can email here at: [email protected] know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Your kid is melting down, you are touched out, and the last thing you feel is “connected” yet the relationship is still the path forward. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Angela Coston, founder of For the Sake of One and a TBRI practitioner, to talk about what connection looks like when parenting kids from hard places meets real-life stress, school breaks, IEP meetings, and the long grind of behavior that repeats for years.We break down Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) into its three practical pillars: connecting, empowering, and correcting. Angela shares simple connection moves that can change the tone of a day, from five minutes of child-led play to the surprisingly effective “order what they order” moment that signals belonging. Then we get concrete about regulation: hydration, sleep, sensory input, and why protein and complex carbs matter so much when “defiance” is actually a blood sugar crash, especially for kids affected by prenatal substance exposure.From there, we wrestle with the hard edge of trauma-informed parenting: can’t versus won’t, willful disobedience versus survival behavior, and how to hold high nurture with high structure. You’ll hear scripts for choices, “first then” language, shared power, and consequences that keep agency on the child. We close with the backbone skill that makes all of this sustainable: repair, plus the self-care practices that help parents stay regulated enough to lead.If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent who needs hope today, and leave a review so more families can find trauma-informed tools. What is one behavior that triggers you most right now?Find For the Sake of One:Website: www.forthesakeofone.comWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

The hardest part of foster care is not what most people expect. It’s the moment you realize you can’t control the outcome, you can’t fix what’s broken, and you’re still called to stay. Rebecca Harvin sits down with Jason Johnson from the Christian Alliance for Orphans to talk about foster care and adoption as a long game, where “success” isn’t measured by perfect progress but by faithful presence and the simple, world-changing reality that a child is no longer alone.We dig into trauma-informed parenting and the daily work of cultivating a safe environment: staying steady when teens melt down, responding to mistakes without blowing up, and learning to parent more like a coach as kids grow. Jason shares the idea of “the thing beneath the thing” and why slowing down, listening, and getting curious builds trust and helps kids heal. Along the way, we name the surprise so many foster parents experience: the journey reveals us. Our impatience, our pride, our need to manage, and also our resilience and capacity to do hard things.We also talk about grief and reputation, the relationships that change when you protect a child’s story, and the dangerous mental loop of “Why can’t easy things just be easy?” The conversation lands on agency, neuroplasticity, and discipleship: what we repeatedly pay attention to shapes our beliefs, our brains, and the kind of home we create. If you’re fostering, adopting, or considering getting involved, this will give you language, perspective, and permission to keep going with honesty and hope.If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a foster parent or church leader, and leave a review so more families can find support and practical encouragement.Find out more about Jason Johnson here: www.jasonjohnsonblog.comFind out more about Christian Alliance for Orphans here: https://cafo.org/Find out more about The Pure Religion Project here:  https://cafo.org/purereligion/We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

A child shouldn’t have to fall asleep in a cubicle while adults debate where she’ll go next. That image stuck, and it’s the spark behind this conversation with Jennifer Tice, co-founder and executive director of Lily Pad, a South Carolina faith-based nonprofit creating trauma-informed spaces for children and vulnerable people in crisis. We get honest about what foster care and adoption actually feel like when the crisis doesn’t end after the paperwork, the home study, or the first placement. Jennifer and I dig into caregiver burnout, compassion fatigue, and the uncomfortable truth that foster parents carry most of the week with little built-in support. We also talk about caseworkers as first responders inside a system that starts in brokenness, and why turnover hurts children who are already overwhelmed. Along the way, we name the moments nobody wants to admit out loud: bonding that takes time, grief that hits at reunification, and even the relief that can show up when a hard placement ends. Two things can be true, and saying so can keep families from drowning in guilt. Then Jennifer tells the story that led to Lily Pad: how one teen’s experience in a DSS office revealed an avoidable layer of trauma, and how a “soft place to land” can change a child’s nervous system in real time. We walk through what goes into a Lily Pad room, how community partners maintain the spaces, and why this model is now expanding into law enforcement victim care. If you care about foster care sustainability, adoption support, trauma-informed care, and practical child welfare solutions, this one is for you. Subscribe for more honest conversations, share this with someone who serves kids in crisis, and leave a review so more foster and adoptive families can find the support they need.You can find out more about Lily Pad here:Lily Pad websiteLily Pad room gallery (before-and-after transformations)Donation/support pageInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/lily.pad.inc/We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Registration is now open for our annual Bio Kid Retreat weekend June 26-28 at North Florida Christian Camp. Go to www.havenretreatsinc.org for more information. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Some families look fine on Sunday and feel like they’re falling apart by Monday morning. That gap, the public calm and the private chaos, is where a lot of foster and adoptive parents live when trauma hits hard. We sit down with Ashley Mason, founder of Encourage One Another, to talk honestly about what “crisis” can really mean: unsafe behaviors, constant hypervigilance, the painful decision to pursue out-of-home treatment, and the shame that keeps so many parents quiet.Ashley shares how her own adoption story led from two moms meeting in a coffee shop to building a nonprofit that supports foster care and adoption on the back end, when the needs are intense and the bills are real. We dig into why “you asked for this” is not help, why free services often miss the root of trauma, and how families can pursue safety and healing without framing treatment as rejection. We also talk about the pressure to get an A in parenting, the misconception that perfect trauma-informed parenting guarantees connection, and the surprising freedom that comes from releasing control of the outcome.We end with practical, lived-in rhythms that make long-haul parenting sustainable: grounding yourself in the present, protecting your marriage, putting nonnegotiables on the calendar, and building small pockets of rest that keep you regulated when life is loud. If you’re parenting kids from hard places, share this with someone who needs permission to tell the truth, then subscribe and leave a review so more families can find these conversations.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Trauma leaves clues, and foster and adoptive parents are often the first people to see them clearly. When a child “forgets” what they knew yesterday, melts down at puberty, hoards food under the bed, or shuts down into a blank stare, it can feel personal, defiant, and impossible to untangle. We wanted a map that respects what caregivers live with and explains what’s happening inside the child, not just what’s happening in the room.Rebecca Harvin sits down with Dr. Frank Putnam, a leading clinical psychiatrist and trauma researcher, to translate decades of longitudinal research on childhood sexual abuse and maltreatment into real-world foster care and adoption support. We talk about accelerated puberty, accelerated biological aging, and how chronic stress compounds across development. We also dig into dissociation and “perplexing forgetfulness,” where a child’s memory and executive function can be state-dependent, making school performance and daily routines swing wildly from day to day.From there, we get practical. Dr. Putnam explains why kids test safety and how validation can matter more than forcing details. We cover trauma-informed parenting tools drawn from evidence-based approaches like PCIT and the simplified CARE model, with a clear theme: predictable, safe relationships are the strongest lever we have, especially when systems are messy and information is incomplete.We end with resilience, prevention, and emerging science like epigenetics, plus a crucial reminder: most abused children do not become abusive adults, even though the risk is higher and the stakes are real. If you care about foster parent sustainability, child trauma healing, and adoption-informed mental health, this conversation will give you language, context, and steadier next steps.If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent, and leave a review so more caregivers can find support when it’s hardest.Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

The foster care system asks teenagers to carry adult-sized problems, then expects them to be “ready” on a birthday. That disconnect is where today’s conversation lives, and it’s why I’m so grateful to share the mic with Aubrie Simpson-Gotham, founder and CEO of Fostering Connections in Jacksonville, Florida. She’s building practical support for youth impacted by foster care and adoption, and she’s doing it in a way that treats teens with dignity, honesty, and real-world respect.We talk about Florida Youth Shine and what happens when youth with lived experience lead the agenda. The issues they raise are not abstract: access to mental health services, the reality of group home placements for teens, and the deep wound of sibling separation in foster care. We also name what so many caregivers and caseworkers feel but rarely get space to say out loud: overwhelm is everywhere, and the gaps are bigger than any one family can patch alone.Aubrie walks me through how Fostering Connections fills those gaps with career readiness, life skills training, youth leadership, and family empowerment nights. We get specific about financial literacy and budgeting, why teens want these skills earlier than the system often provides, and how peer groups can reduce isolation for youth who feel like no one at school understands. If you care about foster care, adoption support, independent living preparation, or youth advocacy in child welfare, this one will give you both hope and a plan.Subscribe so you don’t miss the next conversation, share this with someone who supports foster and adoptive families, and leave a review to help more people find Behind the Curtain.Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

TPR is supposed to bring clarity, but for a lot of foster and adoptive families it brings a new kind of fog. We’re talking about the space nobody captions on social media: mourning and celebrating at the same time, sitting in a courtroom while a parent loses rights, and walking out knowing a child’s story just changed forever.Stacy Lasonde joins me for an honest, tender conversation about what it feels like to live between the termination of parental rights and adoption finalization. We unpack the shock of the TPR day itself, the impossible “last visit,” and the strange reality of parenting kids who are legally wards of the state. We also get practical about the decisions that suddenly feel loaded, like whether you hang family photos, buy the bigger car, or make plans when an appeal could still change everything.Then we go deeper into the internal shift many foster parents don’t expect: foster care can carry an unspoken eject button, and adoption removes it. We talk about responsibility, control, regret, and shame, and why “write a different ending” can be a lifeline when your brain keeps running worst-case scenarios. If you’re navigating foster care adoption, trauma-informed parenting, attachment, or the long wait after TPR, you’ll feel seen here.If this conversation helped you name your own middle ground, subscribe, share it with a foster parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find these stories. What part of the wait is hardest for you right now?We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

What if the life you built at the “resort”—easy routines, familiar friends, and tidy plans—suddenly moved you to a private island? That’s how Cayela Moody describes the shift foster care and special needs adoption brought to her family of ten. Together we trace her path from an autism diagnosis that shattered assumptions to a calling that turned hard-won advocacy into a lifeline for kids others often overlook.Cayela opens up about losing herself in constant service, then choosing to re-center around home when two newly adopted children needed every inch of her attention. She and her husband forged a strategy they call “parenting small,” where each child still gets the presence, activities, and advocacy they’d receive in a smaller family. We talk about late-night teen talks, the quiet math of limited energy, and why visible needs can make your community step back—leaving families to cultivate their own thriving island.We also get uncomfortably honest about the system. With nearly half of new foster parents quitting within a year, we argue for a braver PRIDE class: one that names the real social costs, the impact on marriage, and the identity shifts before families hit the wall. Yet joy keeps showing up. Cayela shares how watching her husband scoop up a small son with Down Syndrome made her fall in love again, how her teens grew staggeringly compassionate, and how faith turned valleys into classrooms where redemption is only a matter of time.This conversation blends practical insight with lived grit: choosing kids with developmental diagnoses over unpredictable behaviors, building routines that actually work, and laughing at the small hacks—like reusing Starbucks cups—that keep mornings moving. If you’ve ever wondered how to love well when the world gets smaller, or how to hold both grief and delight without breaking, this story will meet you there.If this episode resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review so others can find it too. Your support helps more families on their own islands feel seen.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Grief doesn’t wait for tidy timelines or perfect words. With our friend and adoptive mom Jordan Whitmarsh, we step straight into the deep end: living losses in foster care and adoption, the sudden shock of death, and the quieter goodbyes that linger with no clean ending. We get honest about the myth of “five stages,” why sorrow circles back, and what it takes to build a life that can hold both ache and joy without going numb.Jordan shares the two paths she’s walked—numbing that “works” until it breaks you, and naming that hurts but heals. We talk EMDR and grief therapy, how hospice taught her to welcome help, and why the body keeps the score with brain fog, sensory overload, and zero margin for scratchy clothes or wrong coffee orders. Along the way, we trade real practices that stabilize the nervous system: simple meals on the porch, soft fabrics on hard days, a friend who folds laundry, worship that tells the truth, and nature that lets your breath deepen again.Faith threads through this whole conversation, not as a shortcut around pain but as an anchor within it. We push back on spiritual bypassing and make space for lament, anger, and tears—because a God who weeps can meet us in hospital halls, long drives, and the after-hours where casseroles stop coming. For foster and adoptive families, we name grief at milestones and holidays and offer language for the both-and: celebrating firsts while honoring who’s missing.If you or someone you love is carrying loss, you’ll find tools, companionship, and a kind voice that refuses clichés. Listen, share it with a friend who needs steady company, and if it helps you breathe a little easier, subscribe and leave a review so others can find their way here too.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

We reflect on the move from drowning in caregiver burnout to building a sustainable life in foster care and adoption. We share three pillars—community, recognizing the load you're carrying, and setting the right pace for your family (prioritize rest!) —and a bonus practice for managing our emotional field.• naming unsustainable patterns at home and work• defining sustainability independent of perfect conditions• using awareness and meditation as a starting tool• my three anchors: intentional fun, beauty, and white space• finding an honest community to end isolation• laying down burdens that are not ours to carry• pacing like an ultra marathon, not a sprint• practical rest: micro-rests, structural rests, and sleep guardrails• managing our emotional field with personal reset routines• reviewing pillars and committing to small, repeatable stepsWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

What happens when one child feels like home at the door and another, from the same sibling set, feels impossible to love? We open our front door and our hearts to a brutally honest journey through foster care: the instant bond that made love feel effortless, the second placement that brought our family to a breaking point, and the teen whose silence turned a celebration dinner into a night of cold rage and hard truths.We explore what it means to expand love beyond a feeling. When warmth won’t come on command, action anchors us. That shift—love as a verb—keeps families steady while the nervous system catches up and connection rebuilds in small, faithful steps.Then we move into the deep end: how to keep showing up when loving hurts. We unpack perception—naming “the story I’m telling myself”—to stop letting untested narratives drive our reactions. We define boundaries that are clear, kind, and enforceable. And, we explore what we really have control of... the quick answer is, on a good day, ourselves! That mix of agency and empathy lets us offer full love while limiting access to the most tender parts of our hearts until safety returns.If you’re parenting through foster care, adoption, or any hard relationship, this conversation offers practical language, scripts, and a sustainable framework—perception, boundaries, and control—to reduce burnout and keep your care aligned with your values. Subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with one boundary that helped you love well.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

A single keepsake cracked open a lifetime of hidden feeling. When Simon Ben learned that his childhood teddy bear came from his birth mother, a wave of grief and anger surfaced—and so did a clear path to freedom. We sit down with Simon to explore what thriving really means for adoptees and anyone healing from old narratives: being grateful in the highs, graceful in the lows, and far less bothered by being bothered.Simon shares how Internal Family Systems helped him see parts without becoming them, and why he trusts action over sacred thoughts. We dig into perfectionism, negativity bias, and the pull of the inner critic, plus the practical language that validates kids’ emotions without welding identity to pain. You’ll hear how a simple reframe—“fear came to visit”—can calm storms, and why “I feel” beats “I am” when it comes to healing.We also get honest about generational context. Many adoptees felt invalidated by parents who lacked today’s trauma literacy; holding harm and goodwill together takes nuance. Simon’s biggest claim may be his most liberating: insights, not time, are the greatest healer. Beneath every story is an unwoundable Self—awareness, presence, wholeness—that trauma can hide but not harm. From that ground, therapy deepens, habits stick, and humor returns.If you’re navigating adoption, wrestling with identity, or tired of the mental tornado that starts when thoughts judge thoughts, this one offers a map and a mirror. Listen, share with someone who needs a reframe, and tell us the insight you’re taking with you. Subscribe, leave a review, and help more listeners find their way to thriving.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Some crises should never cost a child their family. When a single mom in a new city was admitted for kidney stones with no one to call, the default answer was removal. Instead, a host family took her daughters for one night—and that brief stay opened the door to lasting friendships, school support, and a church community that refused to let isolation write the ending. That’s the power of upstream care: precise help at the right moment that prevents unnecessary trauma.We sit down with Melody Marshall, co-executive director of My Village Ministries and Upstream Collaborative, to unpack a model that’s reducing foster care entries and restoring dignity for parents in crisis. Melody traces her path from house parenting to hosting hundreds of nights to building a national network that equips churches to meet real needs—short-term child hosting, parent allies, care communities, and practical support that stabilizes families. We talk about the hard truths, too: most removals are tied to neglect driven by poverty and thin support systems, not malice. Poverty isn’t a crime; social isolation is the accelerant. When churches step in relationally, kids remain safe, parents regroup, and reunification becomes the norm.Melody shares data from Columbus—99.9% reunification and a 40% drop in foster care numbers over five years—as well as the systems work behind those outcomes: shared policies, training, legal and insurance frameworks, and a resource bank that helps new ministries launch without reinventing the wheel. We explore the spiritual core of this calling, from standing firm when the work gets costly to trading judgment for compassion through proximity and presence. If you’ve felt drawn to foster or adopt, this conversation offers a vital first step: start upstream, build the village, and keep families together whenever safely possible.If this resonates, share it with a friend, subscribe for more candid conversations on foster care and adoption, and leave a review to help others find the show.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

What happens when grit becomes a trap and control masquerades as love? I open the curtain on nine years of foster care and adoption, from my early "This is a sprint" mindset to the slower "marathon" pace of adoption. The story moves through the highs of first placements, the heartbreak of an international adoption falling apart, and the relentless push to “fix” what was never mine to heal. Along the way, you’ll hear about the Kintsugi moment that mirrored my need to make the pieces fit, the overlapping placements that stretched our home to the edge, and a pandemic pause that revealed what I really needed was rest.The turning point wasn’t pretty. A destroyed patio set and a red-alert text to my best friend cracked my certainty wide open. Therapy helped me name superhuman expectations and the codependency hiding beneath them. I started using a simple backpack metaphor to right-size my responsibilities: my time, choices, values, and behavior belong to me; my kids’ outcomes, healing timelines, and adult friendships do not. That shift allowed me to set down the heavy, invisible loads I’d been dragging—like making siblings become best friends or proving I was a “good” wife by appearances alone.Here’s the paradox that changed our home: connection thrives where control ends. When I stopped clawing my way toward attachment and started showing up with clear boundaries and humble repair, everything softened. School days got calmer, sibling tension eased, and my own nervous system finally exhaled. This episode offers grounded takeaways for foster and adoptive parents, educators, and anyone navigating trauma-informed care: honor limits, release the script, and trust that presence beats performance. If you’re carrying too much, consider this your invitation to lighten the load.If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs relief, and leave a review—then tell me one expectation you’re laying down this week. You can message me on Instagram @behindthecurtainpod or email [email protected] know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

We open the door on incontinence in foster and adoptive homes and talk plainly about shame, trauma, and the mental load. Peter Mutabazi, founder of Now I am Known, shares the daily realities of children with incontinence issues and advocacy wins. Mica Phillips, Vice President of Aeuroflow Urology, explains how to qualify for medical-grade supplies through Medicaid and why it restores dignity.• why stigma follows older kids who need diapers• trauma, autism, ADHD, and constipation as drivers• the true cost burden and poor retail fit for bigger sizes• using physicians as allies and documentation that works• navigating Medicaid, managed care, and approvals• school and camp accommodations, IEP hurdles, and dignity• refill timing, product quantities, and fewer last‑minute store runs• practical steps to apply via Aeroflow Urology and what to expectwww.petermutabazi.comhttps://aeroflowurology.com/We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

If you're a foster parent or adoptive parent who wants to build a life that you recognize at 80. Or, if resolutions leave you burned out by February, you’re not broken—you’re using the wrong tool. Rebecca opens the door to a gentler, smarter approach to change: a clear year-end review, a vision board that serves as a compass, and one tiny 1% shift that you can actually do every day. No overhauls. No shame. Just practical steps that compound into a life you recognize and want to live.We walk through how to audit last year with honesty—what worked, what didn’t, and which relationships need new attention—and then translate those insights into a vision board placed where you’ll see it in real life. From there, we anchor the smallest possible action to an existing routine, a method known as habit stacking. Rebecca shares a vulnerable, hopeful story of rebuilding connection with an adopted child through micro-habits: reading a grounding line by the sink, recalling one good moment, and adding a brief hallway ritual. Over months, those tiny cues rewired attention, softened defense, and made connection feel natural again.This conversation also explores choosing peace as a north star for the year and making it visible in daily life—even through something as simple as one consistent nail color that quietly reminds you to ask, "What’s in my control right now?" Whether you’re navigating foster care, adoption, or just craving steadier rhythms at home, you’ll get practical, repeatable steps to move forward without the self-sabotage cycle of grand promises.Join us as we trade brittle resolutions for durable habits and build lives with intention, not accident. If this resonated, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a gentler path to change, and leave a quick review so others can find the show. Then tell us: what’s your 1% this week?We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

In part two of two, we explore authoritative parenting as a blend of warmth and structure that forms character for the long game. Faith and research meet in practical steps that build trust, align kids with reality, and make the teen years a joy rather than a warning.• greeting rituals that prioritize presence over logistics• using fewer words to lower defensiveness and increase responsiveness• humor as connection that supports timely correction• creating buffer zones like car rides for debrief not discipline• aligning kids with reality through natural consequences• treating lying as a trust issue with repair and restored freedom• trust as the currency that expands autonomy in teen years• tailoring authority to readiness, not age, and coaching growth• why authoritative parenting suits trauma, ADHD, and high-demand needs• staying in community with schools while resisting over-rescue• repairing quickly and parenting toward the future adultWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

In part one of two, we explore kind, authoritative parenting for foster and adoptive families, weaving research, faith, and real-life practice into a clear path that balances warmth with firm guidance. Rachel Medefind shares how discipline means training for growth, not punishment, and why community and mindset shape outcomes.• what authoritative parenting is and is not• warmth plus discipline as twin levers for growth• the four parenting styles and long-term outcomes• why “discipline” equals training, not punishment• TBRI as a helpful tool within kind authority• research from Baumrind and Christian Smith• faith, formation, and limited purpose of authority• community as a stabilizer for stressed parents• mindset shifts toward growth and releasing outcomes• consistency with flexibility in daily practicesCome back next week for part two.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

In this episode, we explore foster parenting advice and adoption resources through the story of a neighbor's crisis that led to adopting two teens. Mary shares her transition from a career police officer's mindset to trauma-informed parenting, revealing the challenges and rewards of becoming an adoptive family. Listen to how they moved from emergency foster care to adoption, emphasizing foster care advocacy, attachment, and the power of community support and therapy guidance. This episode highlights practical wins and sustainable hope for caregivers navigating the complex journey of foster care and adoption.In this episode, we cover:• noticing red flags across the street and stepping in• compartmentalizing as a cop clashing with trauma needs• one month of emergency care moving toward TPR• faith, foster care, and deciding on adoption for teens• learning attachment, repair, and that 30% is good enough• releasing outcomes and lowering the pressure cooker• practical wins with car rides, routines, and apologies• deep wounds healing slowly and rewards arriving rarely but powerfully• community support, therapy guidance, and sustainable hopeSubscribe, rate, and share Behind The Curtain to help more families find honest adoption storiesWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

In this episode of 'Behind the Curtain: Honest Conversations about Foster Care and Adoption,' we explore essential soul care for foster and adoptive caregivers experiencing burnout. We share honest stories of exhaustion, striving, and the simple spiritual practices that help restore strength, encourage rest, and sustain leadership from a full cup. Michael Mitchell guides listeners through breath prayer, welcoming prayer, benevolent detachment, and practical ways to stay present amid caregiving challenges.Listeners will learn about the Cup Principle and signposts of a thriving soul, ways to honor unique rhythms of receiving, and prayer as a powerful tool for listening and emotional release. Techniques such as breath prayer for quick resets, naming difficult emotions without shame, and benevolent detachment are highlighted as vital foster parenting advice for emotional resilience.This episode also offers centering prayer practices, practical anchors tailored for busy caregivers and leaders, alongside recommended books and adoption resources designed to support caregivers' sustainable soul care journey. Whether you’re a foster parent, adoptive family member, or caregiver advocate, this conversation provides compassionate support for caregivers navigating the complex world of loving children from hard places.In this episode, you will find:• the cup principle and signs of a thriving soul• rhythms of receiving shaped by your unique wiring• prayer as listening, silence, and movement• breath prayer for 30-second resets• welcoming anger and naming emotions without shame• benevolent detachment to release what you cannot carry• centering prayer as a thousand returns to God• practical anchors for busy caregivers and leaders• books and resources to build sustainable soul careWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Two friends pull back the curtain on what a Guardian ad Litem does, why the role matters, and how one steady volunteer can change a child’s case. Andrea shares training, time commitment, school advocacy wins, and the power of speaking for the child alone.• what a guardian ad litem or CASA is and does• training, background checks, and virtual court workflow• time commitment of 12 to 15 hours per month• how to investigate when stories conflict• advocating for reunification visits with safety in view• teaming with attorneys and case advocate managers• securing IEPs and school services through trust and persistence• being the most consistent adult through placements and turnover• better outcomes with a GAL: stability, graduation, fewer referrals• how to volunteer and where to get startedWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Big news first: we’re taking a short breather so we can come back strong on December 2 with Season Three of Behind the Curtain. While we pause, we’re pointing you to two powerful replays and a brand-new support that can change the daily rhythm for foster and adoptive families.We start with a listener favorite: a candid look at foster care through the eyes of Brianna, a former foster youth, alongside her case manager. It’s raw, grounded, and deeply human, offering a window into what healing looks like over time—how trust is rebuilt, where systems help and harm, and what consistent adults can do to make a difference. Then we move to the school front with a practical breakdown of IEPs and 504 plans. If you’re navigating evaluations, meetings, or behavior plans, this episode turns jargon into steps, gives you language for advocacy, and explains how trauma-informed supports fit into real classrooms.We’re also excited to share a new resource at Haven: our Family Advocate position. If you’re overwhelmed by school processes or unsure how to find local services, the Advocate helps you navigate IEPs and 504s and connects you with community programs that already exist but are hard to find. Think of it as a guide who knows the map and walks it with you. If you would like more information, email [email protected]. And, for foster and adoptive moms who need true rest, mark your calendar for our therapeutic retreat in Jacksonville, Fl, February 20–22, 2026—registration opens mid-December.We’ll meet you back here on December 2 with fresh stories, practical tools, and a steady reminder that you’re not alone. Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Kate Angelo shares her transformative journey from foster care to bestselling author, revealing how small interventions changed her life trajectory and shaped her mission to help others heal from trauma.• Experiencing stability when a friend's family took her in through an independent living program after facing placement in a group home• Developing survival mechanisms that protected her during childhood trauma but required adjustment in adult relationships• Navigating triggers from past trauma, including physical reactions to certain sounds and movements• Creating communication strategies with her husband to break toxic cycles and build understanding• Working through nonprofit ministry to strengthen marriages and prevent family breakdown• Using fiction writing to explore themes of trauma, healing and redemption through her book "Girl Lost"• Emphasizing that trauma doesn't define identity and healing is possible through understanding our true purposeFind Kate's book "Girl Lost" at major retailers and learn more about her nonprofit work at her website. Subscribe to Kate's newsletter to receive exclusive content including deleted scenes from her books.This is part two of Kate's powerful story on Behind the Curtain. Go back and listen to part one here:https://www.buzzsprout.com/2401115/episodes/17808468Links to Kate Angelo's Book Forsaken:https://kateangelo.com/forsaken/Pre-Order Girl Lost Here:https://kateangelo.com/girl-lost/We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

In part one, Kate Angelo shares her extraordinary journey from a chaotic childhood with exotic pets, parental kidnappings, and neglect to finding purpose after aging out of foster care.• Former foster youth who became a bestselling author and now runs a nonprofit for strengthening marriages and families• Grew up in extreme chaos with exotic pets including a lion, bobcat, and monkey while experiencing neglect• Experienced trauma including witnessing her stepfather's murder and her grandmother's suicide• Was "parentified" at age 12, driving and working to support younger siblings while her mother was absent• Made the difficult choice to enter foster care as a teenager when given the opportunity• Struggled with abandonment when her mother took her siblings back to Texas but left her alone in foster care• Uses her experiences to help others develop healthy relationship skills through her writing and nonprofit workThis is part one of Kate's powerful story on Behind the Curtain, with part two coming in the next episode.Links to Kate Angelo's Book Forsaken:https://kateangelo.com/forsaken/Pre-Order Girl Lost Here:https://kateangelo.com/girl-lost/We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Brianna Groah and her former case manager Kinsey Howell share the raw reality of foster care from the perspective of a child who lived through it. With honesty and vulnerability, they reveal what makes the difference between mere survival and genuine healing in the system.• Life before foster care included living in tents in the Florida woods after fleeing CPS in West Virginia• The trauma of removal and placement in eight different foster homes over five years• Why Bri intentionally sabotaged relationships with foster families as a loyalty test• The critical moment when Brianna realized she could love her adoptive family without betraying her biological mother• How case manager Kinsey became the one constant in Bri's life by simply showing up consistently• The importance of giving foster children space rather than forcing immediate connection• Why open adoption and sibling relationships remain complicated but vital• How Bri's adoptive moms created safety through understanding rather than punishmentIf you're a foster or adoptive parent, remember that giving your child space to process emotions in their own way is often the most healing gift you can offer. The path to attachment isn't forced—it's earned through consistent presence and understanding.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Educational advocate Trina Middleton shares her 30+ years of special education experience to help parents navigate the complex world of school advocacy for children with special needs, particularly in foster and adoptive families.• Recognizing red flags in struggling students: lack of motivation to learn, resistance to reading, and inability to complete homework independently• The importance of early intervention—waiting until third or fourth grade creates wider learning gaps• Understanding the "Response to Intervention" (RTI) three-tier system of support• Differences between 504 plans and IEPs (Individualized Education Plans)• Learning the language of advocacy through Department of Education websites, other parents, and tools like ChatGPT• Parent rights in the IEP process, including requesting meetings, reviewing data, and participating in goal-setting• Federal protections including "free and appropriate public education" (FAPE) and limits on suspensions• The value of bringing an advocate to meetings and maintaining positive relationships with school staff• How to request and review data tracking to identify patterns in behavior and learning• Setting meaningful goals that address the child's actual needs rather than accepting generic "banked" goalsYour child's diagnosis doesn't change who they are. Knowing only helps you advocate and opens doors for the interventions and services that will ultimately take your child to their full potential.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

The Jantoyas, Elizabeth Janssen and Lisa Montoya, share their journey as best friends, foster and adoptive moms, and tireless advocates for children in the foster care system. They discuss how their friendship formed over fostering challenges and evolved into a community-building partnership that supports other foster families while creating meaningful change.• Elizabeth has 14 children (5 biological, 9 from foster care with 8 adopted)• Lisa has 5 children (2 biological, 3 adopted - 2 from foster care, 1 private adoption)• They met through a "blind date" set up by someone in the foster care system• Their friendship extends to their husbands, creating crucial support for the whole family• They formalized as "the Jantoyas" to share resources and support other foster families• They provide food and support to vulnerable communities beyond their own homes• They share expert strategies for navigating school IEPs and accommodations• They developed a system for kids to create self-advocacy pamphlets for teachers• They discuss the difference between trauma-aware and trauma-informed approaches• They emphasize the importance of community in sustaining foster care journeysWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

This episode is Part 2 of Rebecca's conversation with Tammy Pulsifer. Here is the link to go back and listen to Part 1: Part 1 with Tammy PulsiferTammy Pulsifer, Director of Community Engagement at Safe Families for Children Tallahassee, shares how their organization builds support systems for vulnerable families to prevent children from entering foster care. The conversation explores the profound isolation that leads to foster care placement and how Safe Families creates communities of support for parents in crisis.• Safe Families provides a "circle of support" for families who have no one to call during crises• Children enter foster care when parents have absolutely no support network to help them• The organization helps parents develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills rather than creating dependency• Trauma affects how people respond to challenges - what appears as simple to some may be overwhelming for others• Family coaches help parents set achievable goals while volunteers provide practical support• Small "1% changes" compound over time to shift the trajectory of families' lives• Safe Families operates in 42 states and 3 countries, with various ways to volunteer• Children in foster care experience PTSD at 2-3 times the rate of veterans returning from warVisit safe-families.org to learn how you can get involved in your state.Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Tammy Pulsifer, Director of Community Engagement at Safe Families for Children in Tallahassee, shares how their organization prevents children from entering foster care by supporting families in crisis through community intervention and radical hospitality.• Born to missionary parents and raised internationally in Guam, Saipan, Korea, Hawaii, and England before settling in Tallahassee• Found purpose through local philanthropy work before joining Safe Families in 2021• Safe Families creates "circles of support" around families experiencing temporary crises like housing instability, job loss, and mental health challenges• The organization focuses on strengthening the entire family unit rather than separating children from parents• Volunteers provide practical support including respite care, mentoring, and resource connection• Personal suffering creates deeper compassion and empathy when supporting vulnerable families• Churches can better support foster families through practical help like childcare, house cleaning, and emotional support• One success story involves helping a single mother of seven transition from crisis to becoming a teacher and approaching homeownershipWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Loryn Smith brings 30+ years of child welfare experience as owner of Finally Home Christian Adoption Services, sharing her journey of fostering 120 children and adopting many into her family.• Service without sacrifice is a counterfeit• Being faithful is our responsibility; outcomes belong to God• Finding freedom in being "just a character" in God's bigger story• Relationships with children matter more than their achievements• Living in today rather than worrying about tomorrow• Creating community with people who understand your challenges• Evicting unhelpful thoughts that rent space in your mind• Redefining success beyond cultural expectations• Hard circumstances reveal where grace meets self-sufficiency• The goal is to hear "well done, good and faithful servant"Connect with us at behindthecurtainpodcast.com to continue the conversation about foster care and adoption. Follow us on social media for more resources and encouragement.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Rebecca and Olivia explore the concept of "trying softer" and how loosening our grip on control can transform our lives, especially in the demanding world of foster care and adoption.• Recognizing when we're trying too hard from a place of insecurity or fear of being "found out" as not good enough• Understanding how our tendency to meet everyone else's needs often comes at the cost of our own wellbeing• Examining the difference between authentic presence versus performing or dissociating• Learning that sustainable care means acknowledging our limits and practicing self-care• Discovering what it means to "unclench our fist" from trying to control outcomes• Finding joy in activities without productivity goals attached• Practicing radical acceptance of circumstances we cannot change• Recognizing that showing up authentically has more value than perfect performanceI hope that you enjoy this conversation, and that it helps you work through how we can loosen our grip on control and try a little bit softer in our worlds.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Stephanie Miller shares her journey as a single foster and adoptive mom to three young children, revealing both the exhausting challenges and profound joys of parenting alone.• Adopted a five-year-old last December and a 16-month-old around Halloween, while currently fostering another five-year-old• Drew inspiration from her cousin who fostered and adopted three siblings as a single mother• Openly discusses the fears she faced - financial concerns, physical exhaustion, and emotional capacity• Explains the hardest part is never getting a break, even after bedtime when household tasks remain• Finds joy in getting "all the snuggles" and witnessing every first milestone• Maintains perspective with a sign reading "Today is a good day to have a good day"• Built a crucial support network of friends, especially other foster parents who understand the unique challenges• Uses music as self-care - church choir, intentional listening, specific artists like Lauren Daigle and Ingrid Michaelson• Finds purpose in seeing positive transformations in the children she fosters, even those who stayed briefly• Emphasizes that fostering isn't about being special or a "saint" - it's about making a lasting difference in children's livesWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Rebecca shares how intentionally noticing positive moments and seeking connection opportunities with her children is transforming her summer parenting experience, despite the challenging start.• Summer began with significant struggles, including a moment when Rebecca needed to leave the house after a lawn chair broke in her hands• Progress with one child who historically couldn't participate in simple conversations without going into fight/flight/freeze mode• Celebrating her young son's decision not to "scream like a pterodactyl" during a frustrating moment• Working through attachment challenges with her daughter who typically ignores her after absences• Finding simple connection points through pool time, popsicles, and tech-free activities• Embracing the "1% change" concept from James Clear's Atomic Habits – small, consistent changes that alter trajectories• Meeting children at their comfort level for connection rather than forcing interactionsIf you're trying intentionally to notice positive moments or create connection with your kids this summer, I'd love to hear about it. Drop a comment on our Instagram page or send me an email about what you're hoping for this summer.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Rebecca Harvin and Courtney Studard share their hard-won wisdom on traveling with children of all ages, from essential packing strategies to entertainment tips that really work. We offer practical advice for making family travel more enjoyable, less stressful, and filled with meaningful memories rather than meltdowns.• Start children traveling young whenever possible - they adapt quickly and become great travelers• Lower your expectations dramatically - it's a trip, not a vacation• Always have a designated driver and entertainer in the car• Pack novel toys and activities, introducing a new one every 15 minutes• Reserve special road trip snacks that kids don't get at home• Prioritize movement at every stop with games and physical activity• Always choose hotels with pools - this will be your children's favorite memory• Pack a separate, single overnight bag for hotel stops• Organize clothing by day or outfit to prevent car chaos• Start with shorter trips and gradually work your way up to longer adventures• View initial trips as training exercises for bigger adventures later• Remember simple experiences often create the most lasting memoriesWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Jenn Ditges shares her powerful journey from infertility to motherhood through foster care and adoption, revealing how she came to mother six children after experiencing twelve pregnancy losses.• Always dreamed of being pregnant since witnessing her mother's pregnancy at age 8• Received a spiritual promise of having six children while walking in Africa• Experienced twelve pregnancy losses, with doctors eventually stopping treatment• Bought a six-bedroom house in faith before having any children• Turned to foster care after a day of prayer with her husband• Eventually adopted six children—two sets of twins and two "Irish twins"• Struggles with the complex emotions of Mother's Day and questions of maternal identity• Finds strength through faith and community support during grief• Embraces her unique motherhood journey despite it looking different than expected"There's nothing wrong with you. There is no sin that you've done that God is punishing you for. You don't know what's on the other side, just fall into the arms of Jesus."We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Jessica Miles shares her raw, powerful story of loving through the hardest seasons of foster care, demonstrating how her own difficult childhood prepared her to show up authentically for children experiencing trauma. She offers profound insight into what it means to love intentionally when behaviors are extreme and systems are failing.• Loving children the way she wished she'd been loved as a child• Creating safety and protection as foundational parenting values• Learning each child's unique love language and needs• Suffering hearing loss from years of managing extreme behaviors• Finding self-care in small, tangible ways during crisis seasons• Processing personal trauma while parenting traumatized children• Wrestling with faith questions while standing firm in commitment• Using personal pain as a source of empathy and understanding• The transformative power of being known and truly seenShare this episode with anyone walking through hard seasons who needs to know they're not alone. The hard is holy.

Kate shares her journey from teacher to single foster parent, reflecting on the profound identity shift that occurs the moment a child enters your home and the unique challenges of navigating the system alone.• Background in early childhood and special education creating a strong foundation for advocacy• Building a house with kids in mind before even being licensed• The exact moment of becoming a mother at 11:23pm on June 29, 2023• Navigating the overwhelming initial days of placement with no preparation• The tremendous mental load of single parenting while managing the foster care system• Creating community support networks for foster families• Starting a nonprofit to connect those who want to help with foster families in need• The critical importance of utilizing respite care for sustainability• Finding balance between the peaceful single life and the chaos of fostering• The uncertainty that comes with foster care and learning to embrace itUse respite care regularly - it's not just good for you but beneficial for the kids to see other safe adults and different family dynamics.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Welcome back to season two where we dive into the complicated reality of Mother's Day for foster and adoptive moms, exploring how joy and grief often coexist in our parenting journey. I share my personal struggles with balancing celebration, complicated emotions, and the mantra that helps me navigate it all: "two things can be true."• Mother's Day feels different when you share it with your children's first mothers• Parenting feels drastically different when attachment comes naturally versus when it doesn't• Breaking dysfunctional cycles adds another layer of complexity to motherhood• Finding peace amidst chaos becomes a daily practice when raising children from trauma• Even when we struggle with attachment, we still show up and try every single day• We get to choose how we respond, even when circumstances feel overwhelming• Acknowledging both the beautiful and difficult parts of motherhood helps us find balanceIf nobody has told you today, you are doing a good job. It's okay to fail—you can repair. It's okay to struggle—your muscles are getting stronger. Be exactly where you are in the process, doing the best you can with the information and skills you have today.Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Vulnerability and authenticity are explored through personal experiences of motherhood, therapy, and relationships. By unpacking the burdensome narratives around love and acceptance, the episode inspires listeners to reflect on their own stories and choose healthier paths toward autonomy.• Navigating the complexities of vulnerability in relationships • The impact of books on parenting and boundaries • Confronting the stories we tell ourselves • Understanding the significance of personal autonomy • Embracing healing through awareness and compassion • Invitation to explore narratives that shape our sense of selfWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

This episode focuses on the vital role of advocacy in supporting children, particularly in foster care and educational systems. We touch on personal experiences, the importance of knowledge about rights and relationships, and strategies for effectively advocating within complex systems.• Understanding the role and significance of PACE • Navigating challenges in the foster care system • Empowering oneself with knowledge of rights and policies • The emotional landscape of advocacy work • Building key relationships within educational and care systems • Importance of curiosity and community support in advocacy • Techniques for responding versus reacting professionally • Fostering collaboration for effective outcomes.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

The episode delves into the transformative journey of foster care and adoption, highlighting the emotional complexities and realities faced by families involved. Megan Hampton-Pusey shares her experiences as a foster mother, addressing the importance of community support, the challenges of attachment, and the often-overlooked struggles of fostering. • Insights into the emotional and psychological impact of fostering • Importance of community and support for foster parents • Contrast between biological and foster parenting dynamics • The reality of attachment styles in adopted children • The burden of societal perceptions on foster parents • Discussion on resilience, trauma, and growth in children • Personal reflections on the struggles and joys of parenting • Encouragement to reconsider assumptions about foster careWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Our conversation today dives deep into the joys of foster care and adoption, sharing heartfelt stories of connection and triumph amidst the challenges. We explore the significant moments that define our experiences as foster parents, offer practical parenting strategies, and celebrate the little victories that shape our family narrative.• Navigating chaos after the holiday season • The power of positive stories in foster care • Celebrating small victories with our kids • The importance of family travel and experiences • Embracing patience and understanding in parenting • Powerful family systems: the tradition of Sunday Sundays • Welcoming a new puppy into our family dynamicWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

This episode highlights the transformative impact of Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI) on families navigating foster care and adoption. By understanding emotional needs behind behaviors, caregivers can build stronger connections and foster healing, while also addressing their own emotional challenges in the process.• Introduction to TBRI and its importance in parenting• Definition and core principles of TBRI • The role of the infant attachment cycle in development • Understanding unmet needs behind child behavior • Differentiating emotional age from chronological age • Emphasizing connection over correction in parenting• Recognizing the emotional toll on caregivers • Real-life applications of TBRI strategies • The significance of allowing grief in parenting journeys • Insights on fostering healthy family dynamics through TBRIWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Rebecca and Courtney answer questions submitted by listeners. This episode is off the cuff, unedited and offers an unfiltered view as Rebecca answers those questions. We discuss various aspects of adoption, including timelines, processes for domestic and international adoptions, advocacy for children, and ways to support families in this journey.• Exploring average timelines for different types of adoption• Practical ways to support foster and adoptive families• Sharing lighthearted stories from the foster care experience• Advocacy tips for parents of adopted children • Advice for road-tripping with large families and childrenWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Through a conversation between Rebecca Harvin and Sarah Graves, listeners explore the essential support needed in foster and adoptive families’ journeys. The episode stresses the importance of vulnerability, empathy, and community involvement to help these families thrive amidst challenges.• Explores Sarah's background and journey into therapy and social work• Discusses the emotional challenges faced by adoptive parents during home studies• Highlights the complexities and feelings surrounding adoption dissolution• Emphasizes the importance of holding space for families in need• Introduces the role of Haven Retreats in supporting foster and adoptive familiesWe know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/

Lori Serber's journey into foster care is a testament to the power of calling and the evolution of family dynamics. Lori had always felt drawn to fostering, though her husband Larry needed time to embrace the idea. Eventually, their family of five welcomed the transformative experience, navigating the multifaceted challenges and joys that fostering brings. Together, we explore how this decision impacted their children, particularly their son Wade, and the importance of fostering normalcy and familiarity for children. This episode provides a heartfelt look at how a community's influence can help foster children thrive as valued members of their new families.Fostering is not merely about providing a temporary home but about building bridges toward family reunification. Our conversation with Lori uncovers the realities, struggles, and understanding needed for this profound responsibility. We discuss the importance of setting clear expectations for prospective foster parents, emphasizing the goal of reunification whenever safely possible. Through personal anecdotes, we highlight the critical role foster parents play in supporting biological families. This section urges listeners to consider the emotional challenges and the necessity of entering fostering with a heart willing to grow and support the journey toward reunification.Amidst the challenges of fostering, we explore how faith, community, and life's simple pleasures bring joy and support. Lori and I share stories of divine provision, where unexpected generosity, like a timely gift of a couch, has reminded us that we are never alone in our mission to nurture children. We also reflect on the beauty of simple joys, such as family gatherings, which can be easily overlooked amidst the demands of fostering. This episode is a tapestry of inspiration, offering listeners a glimpse into the profound love, resilience, and community that define the foster care experience.We know that foster care and adoption present unique challenges for your marriage, so we created this Same Page Checklist as a conversation starter for you and your spouse. You can download it for free on our website at https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/couples-free-resources-1. Enjoy! Follow us on Instagram:Haven Retreats- https://www.instagram.com/haven.retreats/?hl=enBehind the Curtain Podcast- https://www.instagram.com/behind.the.curtain_pod/