Full-Time Grievers

As a paramedic for over 15 years, and now as a sound therapist and Reiki practitioner – Karen Hollenbeck supports those near death and those having to survive their loved one’s death. She's also a fellow Full-Time Griever, navigating the death of two brothers, among others close to her, all passing within a few years.In this conversation, Karen and Nathan talk about what it's like to support others through catastrophe and loss while carrying your own grief. They get into what grief actually does to the nervous system; what practices like sound therapy and Reiki can reach that talking and thinking can't; what her years in emergency medicine taught Karen, and how she managed when loss hit home.They also go deep on what we keep getting wrong about supporting grievers, what it would look like to actually do it well, and what Karen now believes about grief that our culture hasn't caught up to yet.You can download your free grief journal ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.Send your Grief Confessional ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.And contribute to the show ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.You can find out more about Karen’s work here.

In this episode, Nathan describes the functional parallel between the experience of acute grief and the documented symptoms of traumatic brain injury.The cognitive fog. The bone-deep exhaustion. The emotional volatility, the strange relationship to time, the inability to make decisions or hold a conversation – all of it has a neurological basis.Drawing on the neuroscientific research of Mary-Frances O'Connor, Lisa Feldman Barrett, and others, Nathan walks through what's actually happening in the brain during acute loss — why it disrupts everything from memory to social cognition to sleep — and closes with seven practical, science-grounded strategies for caring for the grieving brain without abandoning yourself in the process.This is an episode about understanding what happened to you. And about treating yourself, finally, with the same patience and care you'd give someone with a visible injury.You can download your free grief journal ⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠.Send your Grief Confessional ⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠.And contribute to the show ⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠.

Sometimes grief feels like reality glitched — and you’re the only one who noticed… The Grief Confessionals is a new minisode format.Raw pieces of grief – written by real people and read without commentary or advice.Just truth being witnessed.In this first confessional, Nathan shares a reflection from “the Broken-Hearted Twin” on losing their brother, and the strange, persistent sense that reality itself has somehow misfired.No brightsiding.No fixing.Just unfiltered grief, spoken out loud.Listeners are invited to submit their own Grief Confessional – anonymously or with their name – for the private collective archives of Full-Time Grievers. Some will be read (with permission) in upcoming Grief Confessional minisodes.If there’s something in your grieving process that you’ve never been able to say anywhere else, you’re welcome to share it with us. Here’s the link: https://forms.gle/rBE4o8kdL7v3pBAm6Because, often, the most powerful thing we can do for our grief is simply be witnessed.

Grief doesn’t just hurt – it changes who we are.In this episode, Nathan names an experience most grievers have, but very few expect — after loss, you may not recognize yourself. Your values and priorities shift.Your capacity changes.Your motivation gets weird.Your sense of belonging rearranges.And on top of everything else, our culture pressures us to “get back to normal” – as if we’re supposed to return to who we were before. (And, of course, we may long for that too…)But we’re *not* the same after loss, and we’re not *supposed* to be.This is a conversation about where grieving becomes identity shift – without pathologizing normal experience – and about how to live forward without betraying our love, who we were with them, or the person we’re becoming.You can download your free grief journal ⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠.Send your Grief Confessional ⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠.And contribute to the show ⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠.

In this minisode of Full-Time Grievers, Nathan M. McTague offers a different approach — not a solution, not a lesson, but a gentle invitation to be with what’s already here.This is a quiet, grounding episode for anyone who needs permission to be with their grief, just as they are.You can listen while resting, walking, or going about your day — and return to it anytime you need a reminder that you’re not alone, and you’re not doing grief wrong.You can download your free grief journal ⁠⁠here⁠⁠.Send your Grief Confessional ⁠⁠here⁠⁠.And contribute to the show ⁠⁠here⁠⁠.

Grief is hard — and in many ways, our culture makes it harder than it needs to be.In this episode of Full-Time Grievers, Nathan M. McTague names ten common ways grieving in America is constrained, misunderstood, or actively complicated — from unrealistic expectations of emotional coherence, or platitudes offered instead of presence, to the pressure to “move on” or return to who you were before loss.This is not an episode about fixing grievers or finding silver linings in our sorrow.It’s about telling the truth.In the second half of the episode, Nathan explores what grieving could look like instead: more emotional permission, more nervous-system awareness, more communal accompaniment, and fewer timelines imposed on love.This conversation is for people who are grieving, for those who support grievers, and for anyone who has sensed that something about how we handle grief isn’t working.You can download your free grief journal ⁠here⁠.Send your Grief Confessional ⁠here⁠.And contribute to the show ⁠here⁠.

Reiki Master, Grief Specialist, Performance Artist, and former Full-Time Grievers CoHost, Selysa Love talks about stepping away from the show and what it took to honour herself and her own growth and healing above all else.To find out more about Selysa's work go here.To see Selysa's TEDx Talk go here.You can download your free grief journal ⁠here⁠.Send your Grief Confessional ⁠here⁠.And contribute to the show ⁠here⁠.

A threshold episode. Honouring how we began and looking ahead to where Full-Time Grievers is going in Season 2 and beyond. The episode closes with a short grounding practice and a seasonal blessing for anyone moving through grief at the end of the year.You can download your free grief journal here.Send your Grief Confessional here.And contribute to the show here.

While the world turns up the sparkle, gatherings increase, and social media floods with picture-perfect celebrations, grief can feel more isolating than ever.In this episode, we explore:💛 How to use the holidays as a potent time for grief work. 💛 Finding your balance between isolation stress and social overwhelm. 💛 The neurochemistry of connection — and how it can soften the season💛 Permission to opt out, slow down, rest more, or be delightfully “Grinchy”💛 How to design a holiday experience that meets your needs — not anyone else’sWe’re grateful you’re here. You’re not alone 🤍Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

Selysa and Nathan offer another session of journal prompts to support the listener in consciously attending to and expressing specific elements of grief. You can pause the episode and write along with each prompt, and/or pick and choose from the options throughout. If you’ve been looking for ways to let more grieving  out, this is for you. (Companion to episode 18.)Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

We’ve all said it — “I’m fine.”But what’s the real cost of staying “fine” when we’re not? In this episode, Nathan and Selysa explore the physical, emotional, and relational consequences of suppressed grief — the kind we avoid, bury, or rationalize away.Together, they unpack how grief gets stored in the body, why we sometimes can’t feel until it’s safe to, and how numbness becomes both protection and prison. This is a conversation about what happens when we don’t grieve — and how we can begin to feel again, gently and safely.Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

We're back!Nathan and Selysa head into uncharted territory for many full-time grievers – actually having time set aside for grieving. Starting with the concept that writer and grief advocate, Rebecca Finegloss, calls Grieve Leave, and exploring the macro and micro opportunities from there for making time to be with our process, as well as the emotional terrain around it all – this episode is about how we can make time and space to let grief out and let resourcing in.Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

This is the second part of the conversation from episode 16 - You Don’t Owe Forgiveness, so Why Offer it?  When someone dies, anger often follows. We can find ourselves blaming doctors, family members, even God—or the person who died. In this episode, we talk about the messy, honest process of acknowledging blame, feeling the anger, and finding our way to forgiveness in grief. Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

What happens when the person you're grieving also hurt you?In this episode of Full-Time Grievers, Selysa shares her deeply personal experience navigating grief after ending abusive relationships—including with her parents—and the emotional complexity of mourning people who caused harm. Together with co-host Nathan, they explore what Selysa calls “forbidden grief,” the kind of mourning our culture denies us because the person we lost was abusive, toxic, or harmful.Selysa speaks candidly about the shame, isolation, and confusion that often accompany this grief—and how giving ourselves permission to feel the full spectrum of emotions is essential to healing and breaking cycles of abuse.This conversation offers validation, guidance, and a new language for survivors, supporters, and anyone confronting the messy intersections of love, loss, harm, and healing.Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

If you're experiencing acute grief or struggling to process overwhelming emotions, this interactive journaling episode is for you. Selysa & Nathan will gently guide you through a process of identifying, validating, and expressing your feelings. We'll explore the physical manifestations of your emotions and conclude with a moment of comforting self-touch.Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

Not as a way to side-step or bypass our grief, but sometimes, even as we are allowing, fostering, and following our grieving process, we have moments of also getting to witness profound and moving beauty. Because these moments can happen in between, alongside, or even as a direct result of our mourning, in this episode Nathan and Selysa spend some time talking about how we can allow, welcome, and even cultivate them. This is a tender celebration of some of the gifts that come along with all that we may lose in bereavement, and an encouragement to let ourselves receive them. (If you are sharing this with someone earlier in their grieving process, please consider a different episode.) Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

What if forgiveness isn’t something you owe — but something you offer to free yourself? In this episode, we explore forgiveness as a radical act of self-love, not a requirement to reconcile or tolerate mistreatment.We talk about what it means to forgive someone who has died, especially if the relationship was complicated or painful. We also dive into the tender process of forgiving yourself — for what you did, didn’t do, or wish you had done.Using the lens of compassion and the “always do your best” mindset, we unpack how forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing grief, not bypassing it.------ Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

As a companion to Episode 4, Debunking the 5 Stages of Grief, Nathan and Selysa delve into other ways of relating to the different periods and processes in grieving. Drawing from the three intervals and four orientations described in Conscious Grieving by Claire Bidwell Smith, as well as Psychologist J. William Worden’s “4 Tasks of Mourning” framework. A highly useful resource in orienting to your grief, especially if you’re wondering if you’re “doing it wrong.” Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

This episode can help prepare you, the griever, for the inevitable drop in support that will likely happen within six months of your loved one passing away. What do you do when your support system has run out of capacity, but you are still grieving? 1. Kindly communicate that you are still grieving, including boundaries around your time and commitments.  2. Get the support you need in a long term sustainable way. Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

Most of us received childhood gender socialization: we were assigned a gender at birth, and we were trained to behave in accordance with that gender’s rules and expectations. Selysa and Nathan unpack the research (and lack thereof) of how this gender conditioning affects the grieving process in individuals, heterosexual couples, and queer relationships. Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

Send this episode to your loved ones who are supporting you while you grieve. Don’t know what to say to someone who is grieving? You don’t need you to. They just need you to be there. Sound easier said than done? Then give this episode a listen. Nathan and Selysa discuss the harm of platitudes, why it's important to bring up the person who passed away, how to identify and meet the needs of the grieving person, avoiding caregiver burnout, and nervous system coregulation between the supporting person and the grieving person, among other important related topics.Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving⁠

Have you ever lost someone you loved, but your relationship was far from perfect?  This episode delves into the painful and complex experience of grieving a complicated relationship, whether marked by estrangement, abuse, or a final, devastating argument. We explore the emotional rollercoaster of grief in these circumstances, acknowledging the guilt, anger, and confusion that can arise. We'll also introduce the Suicide Survivor's Bill of Rights as a tool for navigating the often-unspoken challenges of complicated grief. Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ How to Receive Support While Grieving

Grief isn't a temporary chapter; it's a lifelong companion that constantly evolves. In the immediate aftermath, it can feel like a demanding  120-hour-per-week job. For the rest of your days, you may feel a new form of presence with  your departed. Processing your sadness is the key to rediscovering joy and finding meaning in a world that feels irrevocably altered. Join us as we explore the complexities of being a full-time griever. Free Download:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠How to Receive Support While Grieving

In this episode, Selysa and Nathan explore the profound and enduring connection that exists between the living and the deceased through the infinite power of love. This special episode features a guided meditation by Selysa, designed to help you deepen your connection with your departed loved ones through your shared bond of unconditional love. This meditation is most suitable for those who have progressed beyond the acute phase of grief, typically experienced within the first six months of loss. We encourage you to engage with this practice as a way to nurture your ongoing relationship with your beloved. Free Download: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠How to Receive Support While Grieving

Guilt and regret are extremely common feelings that are a part of most grieving processes. These feelings can even come up for those with the most idyllic dying stories: passing away at home from old age surrounded by loved ones.  This episode helps listeners to identify what type of guilt they may be experiencing. Nathan & Selysa share their personal experiences navigating and processing  guilt in the wake of the death of a loved one. Free Download: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠How to Receive Support While Grieving

Grieving comes with so many different and often intense feelings. Sometimes it’s right for us to engage with those feelings consciously and deeply. Sometimes, for lots of reasons, the feelings can be too intense to engage. Selysa and Nathan talk about why this can happen and what you can do in both cases. This episode takes a close look at some important nervous system and emotion regulation strategies for acute and active grief. Free Download: ⁠⁠⁠⁠How to Receive Support While Grieving

There are many metaphors for the long, deeply personal process of grieving. Using the analogy of ocean tides can be another useful way to relate to the recurring experience of various elements of our grief, including heightened emotion and Survival Mode reactivity that persist or return long after the initial period of mourning. This episode is perfect for those wondering why they “aren’t getting over it yet”. In the initial period of acute grief following a loved one’s death, many of us experience more frequent and intense Survival Mode reactions along with or instead of intense emotion. We may go into a state of Fight, Flight, Freeze, and/or Appease more regularly or for a sustained period, and feel less sadness, sorrow, or grief than we would otherwise expect. Nathan and Selysa discuss examples of this and how to address it. Notice, Name, Touch™ is an emotional processing tool developed by the Center for Emotional Education. Free Download: ⁠⁠⁠How to Receive Support While Grieving

In the initial period of acute grief following a loved one’s death, many of us experience more frequent and intense Survival Mode reactions along with or instead of intense emotion. We may go into a state of Fight, Flight, Freeze, and/or Appease more regularly or for a sustained period, and feel less sadness, sorrow, or grief than we would otherwise expect. Nathan and Selysa discuss examples of this and how to address it. Notice, Name, Touch™ is an emotional processing tool developed by the Center for Emotional Education. Free Download: ⁠⁠How to Receive Support While Grieving

Selysa and Nathan take a look at the most common (and most famous) misinformation about grieving the death of a loved one: “The 5 Stages of Grief”. Even though Kubler-Ross was studying the terminally ill and what they tend to go through (not bereaved people), and even though she wrote that these stages themselves were not linear – western culture has misappropriated and enshrined this way of relating to the messy, idiosyncratic journey each of us takes through mourning. They also talk about other useful ways to relate to the long term process(es) of grieving.  Free Download: ⁠How to Receive Support While Grieving

Nathan shares about working with grief in different ways throughout life. The journey includes compartmentalizing the grief around losing grandparents in younger years, which was finally opened up and explored when Nathan's chosen brother, Edward, passed suddenly in 2023. Nathan shares vital tools for navigating the extreme grief of losing one's closest lifelong companion, confidante, and ally; and how Nathan is blessed by an enduring spiritual connection with Edward. Free Download: How to Receive Support While Grieving

Selysa vulnerably shares about her personal relationship with grief, which started at age nine, and continues to this day. She dives into how she healed from losing two abusive parents as an adolescent, as well as several close friends to suicide and overdose as an adult. A hidden blessing she received from grief is peace with her inevitable death because she lives every day in alignment with her passions and purpose. Free Download: How to Receive Support While Grieving

In this inaugural episode, Founder of the Sacramento Reiki Center, Selysa Love,  and cofounder of the Center for Emotional Education, Nathan M McTague, discuss being open to getting help, remembering that (while being alone with our feelings is inevitable and important) we’re not meant to grieve in isolation, keeping in mind that people want to help and many may not know how. They also walk listeners through a free downloadable guide to help the grieving person to organize their thoughts and take appropriate actions for coordinating support in their time of need. Get the free downloadable guide here: How to Receive Support While Grieving

Full-Time Grievers is a deep dive into the turbulent waters of losing a loved one. Grief can be so isolating. This podcast provides companionship and comfort to fellow grievers, and guidance to those who are supporting a full-time griever. We – your hosts, Nathan M McTague and Selysa Love – share what has worked for us in our grieving journeys, and with hundreds of our clients. Join us as we explore the complexities of grief, share personal stories, and offer practical tools for healing.