Settling Is Bullshit

You know what fuels patriarchy and capitalism? The “what’s in it for me” mindset. You know what nourishes our souls and creates a sense of community, connection, and care (especially during difficult times)? Shifting into the mindset of being a contribution.Whether we call it being of service, sharing our gifts, or leaving things better than we found them – adopting a mentality of giving what we have to offer on a daily basis boosts our sense of happiness and well being. Changing the world (with a lowercase w) happens through simple acts of kindness and care between two people.So, if you need a little dose of hope and encouragement that you can make a difference today, this episode is for you.Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/Resources, References, and LinksNote: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.Episode #35: Cultivating Joy Amidst the Shit ShowThe Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu.Episode #29: Intuition & The Reclamation of Feminine Wisdom with Andrea Leda.

Living with ADHD in a neurotypical world is hard. It just is. But we don’t have to lose ourselves in shame and self-loathing when we can’t contort ourselves into the shapes society wants for us.In this conversation with TT Hernandez, artist and trauma-informed coach for creative minds, we share about our journeys as late-in-life diagnosed ADHDers and how we found our way out of shame and burnout and into self-compassion and self-care.A huge part of that process was un-shaming the ways that our quirky and magical ADHD brains operate and learning to embrace the inevitable life pivots that the universe throws at us… ideally learning to listen to the gentle nudges before getting hit upside the head with a two-by-four (or an actual softball, as was the case for TT!)Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2026/04/02/adhd-and-un-shaming-our-life-pivots-with-tt-hernandez/Connect with TTVisit her website: tthernandez.comFollow her on Instagram: @the.tthernandez & @hall_lore_weenOrder her books!Hall-lore-ween (Book 1) https://a.co/d/eGi5Px5It’s Hall-lore-ween again! (Book 2) https://a.co/d/0MIbHM6Resources, References, and LinksDSM-5 Criteria for ADHD – when they separated things out into inattentive and hyperactive.Hyperfocus. “an intense fixation on an interest or activity for an extended period of time.”Episode #48: Honoring Our Limitations.Seven Grams. The short film TT illustrated.Rejection sensitivity. An aspect of ADHD in which we are acutely attuned to potential (and real) rejection.Body doubling. A simple but incredibly effective tool for ADHDers in which you simply have someone present with you while you work on difficult tasks.How to ADHD. My favorite YouTube channel for understanding and coping with ADHD.

Any time we’re making changes in our lives, any time we’re learning something new, any time the universe throws us a curve ball – there’s usually a big chunk of mess we have to wade through to get to the other side. This episode goes out to anyone who’s feeling stuck in that muck.Sometimes things are just shitty for a while. Sometimes we’re in limbo with nothing we can do about it. Sometimes we’re just bad at stuff while we try to get our feet back under us. And when we’re really just in it, that’s when we need an extra bit of help.So, this episode is your pep talk for getting through the messy middle, for remembering that acceptance, community support, and cultivating hope are all tools you can reach for (even if you don’t feel like it).Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/Resources, References, and LinksThe Insidious Grip of a Fixed Mindset https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/13/the-insidious-grip-of-a-fixed-mindset/Hope Isn’t a Feeling – It’s a Choice https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/04/20/hope-isnt-a-feeling-its-a-choice/Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s). Traumatic events that happen between the ages of 0-17. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/24875-adverse-childhood-experiences-ace

A reflection in the midst of heartache, this episode touches on what it means to be in relationship – with ourselves and with others (and with the pets that we have to eventually let go). There are costs to love – sometimes hidden, often overlooked, but almost always worth it.Your invitation with this listen is to come home to the love within and to consciously choose to show up in love today – in whatever corner of your life needs it most.Content note: I had to put my cat to sleep last week, and I talk about it here, though not in any detail. So this is also an episode about grief and gratitude.Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/

Whether it’s a New Year’s Resolution that’s already fallen to the wayside, a healthy habit you’ve been struggling to reintegrate, or a lovely little hobby that once brought you joy – today’s episode is your pep talk to just pick it back up.No guilt. No shame. No stories about wasted time. The truth is that we all fall out of sync with the things we want for ourselves. Habits are hard to maintain, especially new ones. And dedicating time to cultivating joy can feel hard without sufficient momentum.So, I’m here to offer myself and you not a kick in the pants, but a gentle nudge to just get the wheels turning again. Even a tiny bit of action might just get you back on the road to your most awesome self.Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2026/01/11/whatever-it-is-just-pick-it-back-up-again/Resources, References, and LinksNote: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.Atomic Habits by James Clear. Super great book to pick up if you want to make changes in your life.An Invocation for Beginnings by Ze Frank. I have watched this video well over 100 times – it’s SO good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g2025 New Year post – ”Intentions Are Better than Goals (Especially for the New Year)” (AKA Episode #28)Episode #35 - “Cultivating Joy Amidst the Shit Show”And just for bonus fun, some other motivating posts/recordings:“Habits and Routines and Rituals, Oh My!”“Start Small and You May Surprise Yourself”“In Praise of Gentle Consistency” (Episode #24)“Action Fuels Motivation (Seriously)”

Unmet expectations are probably the leading cause of resentment in our lives – especially around the holidays! Just sayin’. But! Recognizing that we had (potentially unrealistic) expectations in the first place is a great step towards greater joy and freedom and being nice to each other.This little episode is a pep talk around recognizing our expectations, letting go of the unrealistic ones, giving ourselves permission to recalibrate, encouragement to talk openly about our needs, and to take care of ourselves so we can show up well in our lives.You know, the usual.It’s also an update on what’s going on behind the scenes over here – and an expectation reset! Since I had unreasonably high hopes for myself during my first term back in school.Sending love and fortitude as we enter the dark but merry time of year.Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/11/03/unmet-expectations-are-the-theif-of-joy/Resources, References, and LinksEpisode #2: “Comparison Is the Thief of Joy.”Episodes #20 & #21: “Befriending Your Nervous System with Marjorie Schreurs.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/10/befriending-your-nervous-system-1-activation/Episode #25: “Bringing Boundaries and Self-Compassion to the Holidays with Jenny Tryansky.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/11/21/bringing-boundaries-and-self-compassion-to-the-holidays-with-jenny-tryansky/

Creativity isn’t just for artists. It’s a way of engaging with the world that we all have access to, and which offers a playful and engaging pathway toward healing. It’s also a thing that we do with our bodies! That makes it an extra-helpful way to get out of our heads and move through whatever feelings we need to process.In this conversation with somatic therapist Amanda Melbostad, we explore the magic of accessing our creativity and finding safety in our bodies. We also talk about how to find the right therapist, how to open ourselves up to creative practices, and how freeing it can be to invite our inner critic to take a back seat.Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/10/01/creativity-movement-toward-healing-amanda-melbostad/Support the podcast on Patreon @SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshitConnect with AmandaVisit their website (and book a free, 30 minute consultation) https://www.amandamelbostadtherapy.com/Find them on Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amanda-melbostad-portland-or/1562150Find them on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanda-melbostad-aa1a4340/Resources, References, and LinksNote: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.Relational Therapy. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/relational-therapyTraveling Monet Exhibit. https://monetexpo.com/My tiger picture! https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLjI5BFxhzX/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=cGpxOWFxZGh1NmJrBig Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert.Parts work episode. Episode #46: “Cultivating Self-Acceptance through Parts Work with Celine Redfield, LMFT.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/26/cultivating-self-acceptance-through-parts-work-with-celine-redfield-lmft/Blind contour exercise. https://www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-blind-contour-drawing-help-better-artistDrawing Lab. https://www.powells.com/book/drawing-lab-for-mixed-media-artists-9781592536139Vision boards. https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/a29959841/how-to-make-a-vision-board/

This episode goes out to anyone who is wandering the minefield of modern dating and needs a little pep talk about rejection. It’s a rallying cry to remember that relationships are all about fit, and that when something doesn’t work out, it’s easier to believe that, in the long term, this is for our own good.So, basically, if you want to hear me remind you that things are ultimately going to be okay and that there’s an opportunity for learning and resilience in this experience – give this a listen.If you’re in the big feelings and grief of a break up or things not working out, this may not be the time to press play. Call and friend, cry it out, and come back when you’re ready to hear some optimism and hope.Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.comSupport the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshitResources, References, and LinksEpisode #41: “If You’re Freaking Out Right Now… (Press Play) https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/05/22/if-youre-freaking-out-right-now/Episode #52: “If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/27/if-nothing-changes-nothing-changes/Blog Post/Bonus Episode: “Dating Is Supposed to Be FUN” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/31/dating-is-supposed-to-be-fun/Episode #46: Cultivating Self-Acceptance through Parts Work with Celine Redfield, LMFT” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/26/cultivating-self-acceptance-through-parts-work-with-celine-redfield-lmft/Episode #33: “Practical Mysticism and Trusting the Divine with Julie Day” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/02/13/practical-mysticism-and-trusting-the-divine-with-julie-day/

It ain’t easy to step off the beaten path or to swim ashore from the river of what everyone else is doing. But consciously choosing to opt out of hustle culture and the grind of unrealistic expectations isn’t impossible! It’s hard, for sure. It’s also hella worth it.In this conversation with Matthew Smith, founder of Wimp Decaf and multi-passionate entrepreneur, we talk about his journey of stepping off the hustle treadmill and onto the path of living the life he actually wants.The conversation is also about our mutual journeys of sobriety and spirituality, the playfulness of accepting life as it is, learning what it’s like to have a regulated nervous system, defining what matters to us, and the liberation of getting to choose what counts as enough.Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/09/03/opting-out-of-hustle-culture-matthew-smith-wimp-decaf/Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshitConnect with Matthew and WimpBuy some decaf and/or sign up for the awesome Wimp newsletter https://www.wimpdecaf.com/Follow Wimp on Instagram @wimpdecaf https://www.instagram.com/wimpdecaf/Join the conversation on Reddit r/decaf_life https://www.reddit.com/r/decaf_life/

While it’s a pithy and seemingly obvious statement, the fact remains that: if nothing changes, nothing changes. In other words, if we want things to be different, we have to start doing things differently. This counts for dating, career change, healthy habits, sobriety - any time we want things to be better, easier, or more awesome.So this episode is a pep talk for change and an opportunity for self-compassion around all the ways and reasons that change is hard!I also give you the rundown on the six stages of change – which is really just a cycle of change that we move through over and over again. If you need a refresher, here they are:PrecontemplationContemplationPreparationActionMaintenanceRelapse(and then back to precontemplation!)Read the transcript and get the show notes at SettlingIsBullShit.comhttps://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/27/if-nothing-changes-nothing-changes/Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

When was the last time you deeply felt your relationship to the world around you? To the land, to the plants, to the ways in which everything is interconnected?In this philosophical and exploratory conversation with Karma Maymi the steward of Clary Sage Herbarium in Portland, Oregon, we discuss the concept of stewardship and what it means to be in relationship with our surroundings. Our discussion delves into the complexities of ownership, the role of conditioning in our lives, and the importance of patience and deep presence in how we show up in our communities.This episode is an invitation to contemplate the interconnectedness of nature and our human experience, inviting listeners to recognize how beautifully devoted we all are, even when we inevitably fall short of our aspirations and expectations.Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/21/stewardship-karma-maymi-clary-sage-herbarium/Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshitConnect with Karma & Clary Sage HerbariumOrder supplies online at ClarySageHerbarium.com or visit the shop in Portland at 2901 NE Alberta St (and say hi to Karma in person!)Follow Clary Sage on Instagram @ClarySageHerbarium https://www.instagram.com/clarysageherbarium?igsh=N3BkZXFtcDQ0cTdqResources, References, and LinksVipassana meditation. A practice focused on observing oneself without judgment, the name means “to see things as they really are.” https://www.webmd.com/balance/what-is-vipassana-meditationTurtle Island. “‘Turtle Island' is the name for the lands now known as North and Central America. It is a name used by some Indigenous peoples who believe their land was formed on the back of a turtle.” https://deadlystory.com/page/culture/articles/World_s_Indigenous_Peoples_Day/Turtle_IslandPermaculture. A framework striving for sustainable and ecologically responsible ways of living (that often includes growing food). https://www.permaculture.co.uk/what-is-permaculture/

Fixed mindset expects instant results. It tells us that if we aren’t immediately good at something, it’s because we lack the talent or capacity. It tells us to give up without really trying. A fixed mindset feeds the inner gremlins of not good enough any time we make a mistake or things don’t turn out perfectly.But, we have to be willing to be bad at things if we ever want to get good at them. And that takes courage and effort. It means cultivating the willingness to bear the discomfort (and occasional indignity) of being a newb, being a learner, not being the best.But it’s such a beautiful and kind and generous way to hold ourselves.---This is a hybrid episode where I read a post that I wrote for the website and talk about it/offer commentary. To read the original post or transcript of the commentary, visit https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/13/the-insidious-grip-of-a-fixed-mindset/Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

For recovering perfectionists, type-A planners, and those of us who really just want to get an A at life, it can be extra hard to try new things. It can also be super hard when life throws us curve balls and those meticulous plans have to change. But it doesn’t have to be quite so bad! There are a lot of adventures to be had when we can loosen our grip on how things are “supposed” to be.In this conversation with Carrie Andersen, PhD (former educator and valiant career changer), Carrie shares about her blog The Side Quest Project, her Brodents Podcast, and the joys of exploring the nooks and crannies of life without needing to follow a linear path.It’s an affirming listen for anyone struggling with wanting to figure your life out (spoiler: you don’t have to!) or wanting some inspiration for adding a bit more curiosity, playfulness, and joy to your day-to-day routines.To support this podcast and help keep the lights on, please consider joining my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/SettlingIsBullshitRead the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/08/embracing-imperfection-and-the-nonlinear-path-with-carrie-andersen-phd/Connect with CarrieFollow her on The Side Quest Project: https://thesidequestproject.beehiiv.com/Listen to Brodents. Available anywhere you listen to podcasts! But here’s the spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/show/35NluNppY0VwTKWDS7eMUz?si=52a154207b794ac1Resources, References, and LinksHero’s Journey. The narrative archetype that most stories follow. https://www.masterclass.com/articles/writing-101-what-is-the-heros-journeyLegend Planner. https://legendplanner.com/Skyrim. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elder_Scrolls_V:_SkyrimPast life regression. “What Is Past Life Regression:?” https://outlanderpastlives.com/past-life-regression/Kintsugi. Carrie’s post about it: https://thesidequestproject.beehiiv.com/p/side-quest-1-kintsugi-artRadiolab rat laughter episode. “Is Laughter Just a Human Thing?” https://radiolab.org/podcast/91589-is-laughter-just-a-human-thingAcceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy

Rather than treating our limitations as problems to be solved or burdens to be borne, what might shift if we treated them with respect and appreciation? Finding our limits means finding our boundaries, and we have the option to view them as useful tools for self-care and safety (instead of cages we’re trying to break out of).If you enjoy this podcast, please consider joining my Patreon to help me cover the production costs and keep this show going. https://www.patreon.com/c/SettlingIsBullshitRead the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/07/30/honoring-our-limitations/Resources, References, and LinksNote: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.Nervous system activation. Listen to Episodes 21 & 22 with Marjorie Schreurs for a deep dive!The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780143129257Expressive writing. Listen to episode 42 with Stacey Hettes.Parts work. Listen to episode 46 with Celine Redfield.

July 2nd, 2025 marked fifteen years of continuous sobriety for me. And since I wrote about it two years ago and then recorded an episode about it last year, it seems like marking my time on this platform has become a tradition.But I don’t feel good this week! (I’m kinda sick). So, I sat down and recorded something anyway and captured what’s true for me in this moment.I set out to talk about staying positive without being toxic, and then I ended up having a lot to say about that, as well as:feeling our feelingsthe relationship between fear and faithstep two and believing change is possiblethat we can’t do life alonewe get to choose our perspectiveand a bunch of other sober shit :)So, if you want to hear me be a bit rambly and reflective and willing to normalize that even those of us on a mission to spark more joy have hard, uncomfortable days… you’re invited to listen!And you’re also invited to let me know how you’re doing in this moment and what brings you joy.Reach out on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/settling.is.bullshit/ or email me at cate[at]settlingisbullshit.comRead the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/07/03/reflecting-on-fifteen-years-of-continuous-sobriety/

If you struggle with a mean inner critic, then this episode is for you, buddy. Unfortunately, it won’t offer a magic solution or quick fix to ridding yourself of that inner voice, but it will help explain what the fuck is going on and offer a pathway to a life filled with greater self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-care.In this conversation with art therapist and marriage and family therapist Celine Redfield (they/them), we walk through the concepts of shadow work, parts work, and the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework. (Spoiler: all of those are basically the same thing with different names!) We also touch on dissociation as a coping strategy, recovering from alcoholism and addiction, creative healing modalities, and our own lived experiences of parts work – both as recipients and facilitators.Major conclusion? Parts work is the magic sauce for lessening the cruelty of the inner critic and healing our childhood wounds.Connect with CelineVisit their website: https://innergrowththerapy.com/Follow them on Instagram @InnergrowththerapyHave a convo with me!Grab a free, 30-minute chemistry call: https://tidycal.com/cate/chemistry-callBook a $75 sample session to dive in and do some work together: https://tidycal.com/cate/sample-sessionEmail me at cate[at]settlingisbullshit.comRead the transcript and view the detailed shownotes at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/26/cultivating-self-acceptance-through-parts-work-with-celine-redfield-lmft/

If we don’t have clarity about what's most important to us, about the principles we try to live our lives by, it’s no wonder that we end up wandering around feeling a bit aimless. It’s also no wonder that we get into the same arguments over and over again. Values are at the root of most conflict, we just don’t tend to see it that way.In this blog episode, I cover some ways to clarify your values and offer some perspective on how to bring that awareness forward into navigating conflict in your relationships.Also! If you want support in figuring this out, I'm offering discounted sample coaching sessions all summer. Book a one-hour coaching session with me for just $75.https://tidycal.com/cate/sample-sessionRead the original post at https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/19/unpacking-conflict-by-understanding-our-values/

While it’s tremendously important for each of us to have support when things are rough, we also need support when things are awesome. And sometimes, it helps to have a model to follow!Active constructive responding (ACR) is a framework for how we can actively communicate encouragement and support. It’s a useful tool/concept to help all of us show up as better friends, lovers, and general cheerleaders. It provides a clear pathway for nourishing our relationships through our everyday communications.In this blog episode, I explain the mechanics of the ACR framework. There is a visual to go along with the explanation, so I recommend visiting the website to look/read along.https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/12/nourishing-our-relationships-with-active-constructive-responding/Also! You can book either a free chemistry call with me or a $75 sample coaching session by using the links below:Free chemistry call: https://tidycal.com/cate/chemistry-callSample session: https://tidycal.com/cate/sample-session

Do you gravitate toward certain colors in your life? Do you find yourself looking at the world through rose colored glasses (either literally or figuratively)? Well, it turns out that we’re all in relationship to the world of color, whether we’ve got a picture of our aura or not.In this delightful conversation with aura photographer Selena Bakakis, she walks us through the rainbow – and what the colors in our field can reveal about our outlook and experiences in life.Even if you haven’t had a chance to see your aura, this conversation offers food for thought about how color can impact us, the energy we bring into our lives, and how we can embrace those things that truly bring us joy no matter how offbeat or anticapitalist they might be.If you’re in the Pacific Northwest and want to get your aura photographed, you can catch Selena at the following dates/locations:Saturday, June 21 at Seagrape Apothecary in PortlandFriday, July 18 at the Shady Pines Music Festival in Sandy, ORSaturday, October 25 at 10/25 - EARTH SPIRIT in Kennewick, WARead the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/Book a one-hour sample coaching session with me! https://tidycal.com/cate/sample-sessionConnect with SelenaVisit her Website: YourCosmicCrown.comFollow her on Instagram @YourCosmicCrownResources, References, and LinksNote: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool. Elizabeth Gilbert quote comes from Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear (one of my absolute favorite books!) https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781594634727Tarot cards. If you aren’t already familiar, here’s a great article from my favorite meditation app (Insight Timer): https://insighttimer.com/blog/what-is-tarot/Reiki. Japanese healing art that works on/with your energy: https://iarp.org/what-is-reiki/Chakras. These are the energy centers of the body and are typically associated with specific colors. Selena references a few of them, but here is a rundown: https://www.arhantayoga.org/blog/7-chakras-introduction-energy-centers-effect/

No matter how much we cognitively “know” about how trauma works, none of us are immune from the grip it can have on our capacity to deal with life. Thankfully, there are ways out, and writing is one of them.Dr. Stacey Hettes knows this firsthand. In spite of her PhD in neuroscience and decades of teaching it to undergraduate students, a tense campus event in 2019 triggered a debilitating post-traumatic stress response tracing all the way back to her childhood experiences of sexual abuse. With the help of her therapist (and eventually a coach), Stacey was able to write her way out of the pit via a gorgeous, heartbreaking, and riveting memoir that was just published this month.In this lovely conversation, Stacey and I talk about her experiences of writing her way to healing, the neuroscience of trauma, and the value of finding meaning and purpose on the other side of surviving terrible shit.Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/Connect with Stacey:Buy her book! Dispatches from the Couch: A Neuroscientist and Her Therapist Conspire to Reboot Her Brain https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781627205672Visit her website: https://www.staceyhettes.com/Follow her on Instagram @staceyhetteswrites Resources, References, and LinksNote: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.Book a free chemistry call with me! https://www.joywalking.life/servicesQuestions Stacey offers as reflection prompts for reflecting on therapy sessions:What were the emotions I was feeling?What were the reasons behind those emotions?What are the experiences? What are the memories?What do I think this is all about?Excellent book on expressive writing and the science of its benefits: Opening Up by Writing It Down by James W. Pennebaker and Joshua M. Smyth https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781462524921Melissa Walker – Heydey Coaching. https://www.heydaycoaching.com/Julie Day, spiritual counselor and podcast guest on episode #33. https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/02/13/practical-mysticism-and-trusting-the-divine-with-julie-day/Julie Valentine Center for sexual assault and child abuse recovery in Greenville, SC. https://www.julievalentinecenter.org/CPTSD – Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Here is a great episode about it on Trauma Rewired: https://illuminatedwithjennifer.libsyn.com/what-is-cptsd

Consider this your “In Case of Emergency” episode, my dear. It’s ready for you the next time you’re in an anxiety spiral, a weepy meltdown, or any other overwhelming set of feelings that you might call a freak out.If you can’t (or don’t want to) call somebody, you can press play and listen to me remind you that you’re going to be okay, and it’s totally normal to freak out sometimes.We’ll take some deep breaths together, we’ll co-regulate, and hopefully you’ll feel a little less alone in your big feelings. (Because your feelings are valid, and I’ve totally been there, too!)Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/05/22/if-youre-freaking-out-right-now/Resources, References, and LinksNote: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.“Freak Out” by CHIC. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXgSHL7efKgSquishmallows. https://shop.jazwares.com/pages/squishmallowsSympathetic nervous system – listen to the episodes on “Befriending Your Nervous System” (#20 & #21) https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/10/befriending-your-nervous-system-1-activation/Episode #5 – “Embracing the Messy Sides of Self-love with Dawn Church” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/05/02/podcast-embracing-the-messy-sides-of-self-love-with-dawn-church/Rage room. Go smash things! If you live in Portland or Vancouver, I can vouch for Outraged: https://www.outragedroom.com/Self-compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Kristin Neff. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780061733529

How often are you getting to do the things that you are already good at? Do you wake up each day knowing that you’re going to get to show up in the world in the ways that you naturally shine? If not, then it’s time to change that, darlin.In this conversation with strengths coach Lee Peterson, we talk about how important it is to our wellbeing for us to lean into doing the things we’re naturally good at – instead of being in a never-ending spin cycle of trying to get better at the stuff we’re bad at.Lee convinces me that trying to be well-rounded is a bunch of bullshit. (Which is still blowing my mind, but it seems like letting go of trying to be good at everything is a better way to live).While the conversation is centered around the Gallup Clifton’s Strengths assessment specifically, it’s useful to anyone ready to think about how to really honor the things that make you awesomely you.Read the transcript and see the visuals at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/05/14/leaning-into-what-youre-already-good-at-with-lee-peterson/Connect with LeeVisit her website: https://www.learningkarma.com/Follow her on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/leedpeterson/Resources, References, and LinksGallup Clifton Strengths. (Costs around $50 but is worth it, in my opinion) https://www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/252137/home.aspxMeyers-Briggs. A personality framework where eight ways of thinking are broken out into four pairs (resulting in 16 different personality types). https://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/myers-briggs-overview/16 Personalities. My preferred/recommended resource for understanding Meyers-Briggs. https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-testThe Enneagram. “A powerful tool that helps us understand our motivations, core beliefs, and unconscious patterns that drive our behavior.” It’s my FAVORITE, and I’m a certified Enneagram coach. You’ll be hearing more about this from me in the coming months. https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/VIA Character Strengths. Free strengths assessment! https://www.viacharacter.org/SMART goals: specific, measurable, accountable, relevant, and timebound.Lee’s book: Gardening for the Soul. https://www.learningkarma.com/product-page/gardening-for-the-soulFixed vs. growth mindset. For an overview, watch Carol Dweck’s TED talk about it. https://www.ted.com/talks/carol_dweck_the_power_of_believing_that_you_can_improve

We all know that sleep is good for us, but it turns out that play is super good for us, too! Both are vital for healthy brain functioning – though, obviously, sleep is most important in that category. But we need both rest and play in order to live vibrant, fulfilled, and joyful lives.And we don’t have to earn them!! Rest and play are our birthrights. We are allowed to both rest AND play regardless of how “productive” we have or haven’t been!! (Yes – I’m shouting about this!)So this episode is your reminder, pep talk, and permission slip to let yourself play! To let go of the inner critic bullshit and lean into the magic that can happen when you’re just doing the thing for the sake of doing it (not to get a particular outcome). And to take whatever nap or form of relaxation you need in order to recharge.Read the transcript (and see a pictures of my spotted dick!) at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/05/01/rest-and-play-are-requirements-not-rewards/Resources, References, and LinksEpisode #8: “Recharging Your Batteries” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/05/23/podcast-recharging-your-batteries/Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry. https://thenapministry.wordpress.com/Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker. A whole book on how important sleep is! (In case you need convincing). https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781501144325Sleep hygiene! Check out Andrew Huberman’s “Toolkit for Sleep.” https://www.hubermanlab.com/newsletter/toolkit-for-sleepNational Institute for Play. https://nifplay.org/Stuart Brown – Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. The subtitle says it all, in my opinion. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781583333785Huberman Lab: “Using Play to Rewire & Improve Your Brain.” https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/using-play-to-rewire-and-improve-your-brainEpisode #38: “Saying ‘Yes, And’ to Life.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/04/23/saying-yes-and-to-life/Spotted Dick recipe. https://www.daringgourmet.com/traditional-spotted-dick-english-steamed-currant-pudding-with-vanilla-custard/Brene Brown – The Gifts of Imperfection. Excellent book in which Brown outlines 10 guideposts for wholehearted living. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781616499600Catherine Price – The Power of Fun. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780593241424

We usually don't like to look at it this way, but the truth is that we’re all just making things up as we go along. Life isn’t scripted. And embracing the improv comedy concept of “yes, and” can help us move through the world with greater flexibility, less self-criticism, and an increased capacity to be truly present.This episode is all about helping us learn to tolerate ambiguity, let go of perfectionism, and live from a place of expansion rather than shutting down.My deep and sincere hope for all of us is that we can show up, do the best we can, treat ourselves kindly, and give ourselves credit for all the wonderful ways we do contribute to the world. And one of the ways to get there is through “yes, and.”Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/04/23/saying-yes-and-to-life/Resources, References, and LinksWhose Line Is It Anyway. A show featuring improv short-form games that has been running for decades. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKg_ZFByYTINckLG76cjUEgHidden Brain – “Sitting with Uncertainty.” The excellent episode that inspired this one. https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/sitting-with-uncertainty/Merlin Works. The place I took my first improv classes, which I highly recommend if you’re in the Austin area. https://www.merlin-works.com/“The Difference between Settling and Acceptance.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/03/difference-between-settling-and-acceptance/

Here is my spontaneous love note to anyone struggling with self-doubt, self-criticism, or the shitty fucking stories that like to get their grips on us. In particular, this is for my NeuroSpicy folks, my friends in recovery, and anyone who just feels like it's impossible to fit into the box of what "normal" is supposed to look like.Here's your pep talk, here's your empathy, here's your reminder that the voice that's telling you you're not enough is a liar, and it's mean, and you're not alone in the feeling.xoxoStay tuned for Season Three coming at ya in a few more weeks.Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/03/28/if-youre-feeling-like-a-fck-up/

It’s that time again – Mercury is going retrograde and things are going to get wacky. But if you want to have a better sense of what that actually means and how it might impact your life in particular, we are here for you!In this conversation with astrologer and energy worker Fi Russell, they walk me through what the heck Mercury retrograde means, why the sign it’s going retrograde through matters, and how to look at the implications of each retrograde in our personal charts.I left feeling a lot clearer on at least one big component of astrology, and I hope you do, too! This shit is way too complicated to take on more than one bit at a time.Also! I’ll be taking a season break over the coming Mercury Rx. So, I’ll see you back in April for more adventures in claiming your joy.Connect with FiFollow them on Instagram @Venus.auraAnd check out @PsychicSister where you can book in-person readings with them here in PortlandResources, References, and LinksCheck your chart! I like the Chani Nicholas app/website for ease of access/explanation. https://chart.chaninicholas.com/Retrograde: the period of time when a planet appears to be moving backward in the sky. It impacts the areas of life which that planet rules.Shadow phase: period of time before planets enter actual retrograde. Things can start going wonky (or still be wonky) during this period, though it won’t be as acute.Astrological houses: the twelve areas of life that are impacted by the signs and planets in your chart. The placement is determined by your rising sign, which is always in your 1st house of self-identity and is the sign that was on the horizon at the moment of your birth.E.g. Because my rising sign is Aquarius (1st house), Aries rules my 3rd house (of communication, daily rituals, siblings, and extended family). Here’s a link to the full breakdown of the different houses on the Chani Nicholas website: https://chaninicholas.com/the-12-houses-in-astrology/So, for the upcoming retrogrades, check which houses these signs govern in your personal chart to learn what areas of your life will be especially impacted.Mercury Retrogrades of 2025:March 14 - April 7 – in Aries/PiscesJuly 18 - August 11 – in LeoNovember 9-29 – in Scorpio/Sagittarius

The world is bananas right now. A lot of us are angry, afraid, and struggling to stay out of the pit of despair. And that makes sense! It’s totally understandable. AND… my offering to you in this episode is the idea that centering ourselves in joy is what will fuel our ability to keep showing up. Joy isn’t the byproduct of things being amazing, it’s the lighter fluid for keeping ourselves alight.If we don’t center our joy, we will burn ourselves out, my love. And now more than ever, claiming your joy means relentlessly deciding that joy matters. That you deserve joy, that it isn’t frivolous or inaccessible.And if you don’t know where to start, I’ve got a whole big list of ideas to offer ya! Not in a toxic positivity or spiritually bypass-y kind of way, but in a small, daily practices to contribute to your mental and emotional well-being sort of way.References, Resources, and LinksSpiritual bypassing: using spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-empowerment-diary/201901/what-is-spiritual-bypassingImprov comedy. Where all the things are made up on the spot! So good! Find your local improvisers and go laugh at the absurdity. In Portland, I recommend: https://www.curiouscomedy.org/Microjoys: Finding Hope (Especially) When Life Is Not Okay by Cindy Spiegel.https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780593492222Follow me on Instagram and tell me what brings you joy! https://www.instagram.com/settling.is.bullshit“Good Day” by DNCE. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LksMebsBzcThe Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781607747307The Lightmakers Manifesto: How to Work for Change Without Losing Your Joy by Karen Walrond. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781506469942Jolene covers. SO GOOD! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6tIrJUTXaJPxrZxK2EF9yx?si=vV5mtmHNSY2wySE5y4Ka0A

Why do we do the things we do? And, more importantly, why do we keep doing them? Taking the time to reflect – to slow down, look back, and ask ourselves whether the path we’ve been on is the one we want to stay on – helps us be the person we want to be.In this conversation with Dr. John Miles, a writing professor and academic assessment specialist (and my former boss), we talk about the importance of reflective practices to help us move from living on autopilot to living intentionally. Since John and I are both trained in rhetoric and writing, we’re obviously big fans of writing shit down. So we talk about that a fair bit. And/but we also talk about:Navigating distraction in the digital eraCelebration as a form of reflective practiceRecognizing that what we do is not who we are (but it’s a part!)Reevaluating goals as we grow and evolveFiguring out our strengths and limitations as a pathway to career satisfactionConsciously using tools and practices instead of just doing them for the sake of itReferences, Resources, and LinksWofford College – where I was as an Assistant Professor of English and the Director of Digital Pedagogy (best title of my career thus far!)Reinhart University – where John is the current Provost and VP of Academic AffairsDigital Minimalism by Cal Newport. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780525536512Sabbath: Finding Rest, Renewal, and Delight in Our Busy Lives by Wayne Muller. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780553380118Sherry Turkle – scholar focused on the impacts of technology. Reclaiming Conversation is one of her more famous books. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780143109792Kathleen Blake Yancey. Reflection In The Writing Classroom https://www.amazon.com/Reflection-Writing-Classroom-Kathleen-Yancey/dp/0874212383Ironman. The ultimate triathlon event in which participants swim 2.4 miles, then bike 114 miles, then run a full fucking marathon (26.2 miles). It’s bananas. DiSC Analysis. Very business-oriented personality assessment. https://www.discprofile.com/what-is-discHabit Tracker. An app I used to use for, well, tracking habits. https://apps.apple.com/us/app/habit-tracker/id1438388363The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780143129257Thích Nhất Hạnh. Vietnamese monk and prolific author. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Nh%E1%BA%A5t_H%E1%BA%A1nh

What would it be like to live in a world filled with unconditional love? A world where we fully trusted in ourselves, where we felt utterly supported in showing up for the lessons the universe has laid out for us? It’s aspirational, for sure. But maybe it’s not quite so out of reach as we often feel.In this soul-nourishing conversation with spiritual counselor Julie Day, we talk about how to put that kind of spiritual conviction and mysticism into practice in our daily lives. Offering a vision of a loving, expansive God/Divine/Source, Julie brings a message of hope and light to these challenging times.For anyone struggling with your relationship to the Divine or just those of us in need of a reminder, this episode serves to bring home the message that we are all on track and on time for our soul’s curriculum.Connect with JulieVisit her website: https://www.thejulieday.com/Follow her on Substack to join the conversation! https://practicalmystics.substack.com/Resources, References and LinksChristian Science. https://www.christianscience.com/Mary Baker Eddy (1821-1910). https://www.marybakereddylibrary.org/mary-baker-eddy/the-life-of-mary-baker-eddy/Religious Science & Science of Mind. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_ScienceUnity Church. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unity_ChurchJivamukti Yoga. “A path to liberation through compassion towards all beings.” https://jivamuktiyoga.com/You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9780937611012The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle. https://bookshop.org/a/109472/9781577314806Thích Nhất Hạnh. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Nh%E1%BA%A5t_H%E1%BA%A1nhAgape International Spiritual Center. https://agapelive.com/Michael Bernard Beckwith. https://www.michaelbeckwith.com/ Affirmative prayer. https://www.unity.org/article/unity-spiritual-tool-affirmative-prayer

Especially in the midst of chaos, grief, and what very much seems like the apocalypse, what there is to do is show up for each other – in whatever ways we can. The trick, of course, is in recognizing our own capacities and only offering what we actually have to give. Which may not be a lot right now, and that’s okay.But participating in relationships with people we care about means leaning on each other. It means having the willingness and vulnerability to ask for what we need, as well as getting out of our shit by showing up for others in the ways that we can.The key to all of it? Talking about it. If we want to show up well for and with the people we love, we need to talk about what everyone wants and needs and has to offer when the going gets tough.Resources, References, and LinksThe platinum rule: treat others as they want to be treated.Five love languages. https://5lovelanguages.com/Normalizing the Struggle. https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/01/23/normalizing-the-struggle/Toxic Positivity by Whitney Goodman (is the book), and then the definition is: avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions in favor of an unrealistic optimism. https://bookshop.org/p/books/toxic-positivity-keeping-it-real-in-a-world-obsessed-with-being-happy-whitney-goodman/17026036?ean=9780593418277&next=t&affiliate=109472Rage Room. A place where you can pay a fee to go smash all kinds of things! Highly recommend. Here’s the one I’ve been to in the Portland area: https://www.outragedroom.com/

Spirituality, presence, mindfulness, enlightenment… whatever you want to call it, we don’t just get there through thinking about it all the time. Or even through not thinking about it, if we’re trying the meditation route. Instead, connecting with our sense of being in the world (joyful or uncomfortable as that may be in any given moment) comes through both our thoughts and our bodily experiences. Mind and body aren’t actually separate, after all.In this expansive conversation with artist and movement instructor Linnea Solveig, we muck around in the messiness and discomfort of what it means to be a human living in a body these days – how technology, social expectations, and the reality of aging impact our capacity to connect with ourselves and one another. We also laugh a lot and celebrate the marvelous ways we’re all woven together in the tapestry of life. Connect with LinneaVisit her website: https://linneasolveig.com/Follow her on Instagram @linneasolveig https://www.instagram.com/linneasolveig or @lovehelmet for her artwork https://www.instagram.com/lovehelmet/References, Resources, and LinksBody mind centering (BMC). https://www.bodymindcentering.com/about/Alexander technique. A set of skills to improve body movement: https://alexandertechnique.com/Feldenkrais method. Self-improvement through movement: https://feldenkrais.com/what-is-the-feldenkrais-method/Asana (the poses of yoga). For more details on the different aspects of yoga that Linnea references, here’s an excellent article: “Practicing the 8 Limbs of Yoga Will Help You Understand Yoga as It Was Meant to Be.” https://www.healthline.com/health/fitness/the-8-limbs-of-yogaDescartes. “René Descartes (1596-1650) argued that the natures of mind and body are completely different from one another and that each could exist by itself.” https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6016047/Episodes on the nervous system with Marjorie Schreurs (episodes 20 & 21) https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/10/befriending-your-nervous-system-1-activation/Psoas muscle. (which I totally spelled wrong when I googled it for us) “Psoas Muscle: What It Is, Where It Is & Anatomy” https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/psoas-musclePHAME. A Portland-based arts academy for people with cognitive disabilities where Linneah also teaches classes. https://www.phamepdx.org/Yin yoga. A style of yoga class where poses are held for longer periods of time. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yin_Yoga

Are you on the struggle bus, my friend? If so, you are not alone – even if it super duper feels like it a lot of the time. And, as much as it sucks, the struggle is just a normal part of being human. What there is to do is persist and remember to connect when you can.This episode isn't here to cheer you up or drown you in my usual ebullient positivity. Instead, I'm just offering empathy, witnessing, and some virtual companionship in times when shit just feels really hard (and maybe a bit hopeless). We're just in a winter right now, and what there is to do is hunker down and await the return of spring.Resources, References, and LinksNote: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool.Toxic Positivity by Whitney Goodman (is the book), and then the definition is: avoiding, suppressing, or rejecting negative emotions in favor of an unrealistic optimism.Spiritual bypassing: the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with difficult emotions and unresolved issues.Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May.Settling vs. Acceptance episode.Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski. This is about 20% about identifying and dealing with burnout, and then 80% about how patriarchal society contributes to burnout for women in particular. (It’s super good.)

What if your intuition could be your secret weapon for changing the world? Seriously! What would shift if you thought about listening to your inner wisdom as a downright revolutionary act on both the personal and collective stage?In this lovely conversation with depth coach Andrea Leda, we unpack the magic and power of feminine intuition as a tool for breaking free from societal expectations and living authentically. And, ya know, smashing the patriarchy while we're at it!As we see it, reclaiming our intuition is a radical act of self-liberation. Our intuition is a powerful resource for navigating life transitions, stepping into the flow of our one precious life, and finding joy in even the smallest moments.This episode offers up an invitation for each of us to live more intentionally and honor the truths that are uniquely ours.Connect with AndreaVisit Andrea’s website: https://www.bravercoach.com/Join her online community: https://www.bravercoach.com/communityResources, References, and LinksNote: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super coolA Course in Miracles. The original source of my conviction that our curriculum in life is designed to move us from fear to love.Cisgender. The term that applies when your ​​internal sense of gender corresponds with the sex that you were assigned at birth.Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. A somewhat problematic ranking of human needs.Powell’s Books. The BEST bookstore ever. The original location here in Portland is the size of a city block.The Lost Kitchen. The show and restaurant in Freedom, Maine.Dani Gardner and the concept of leaning back.Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. Book Andrea highly recommended.Designing Your Life by Dave Evans and Bill Burnett. Book I highly recommend.Stephen Cope The Great Work of Your Life. Book that both Andrea and I recommend! (But that more directly informs her work).

It's a new year, same you, my love! Except not the same. Because SOMETHING has changed since the last new year. And this little hybrid episode is a pep-talk for setting an intention for who you want to be in 2025 rather than getting lost in the details of all the goals you want to accomplish. (Though we do still love our goals. Gold stars all year!)In this episode, I read and reflect on the post I wrote for New Year's 2023: "Forget Goals. Set Intentions Instead," and share about what's changed, what hasn't, and what I'm intending for myself and this podcast in the year ahead. I also admit to having been incorrect in my assumptions about how many weeks there are in a year... lol.Let's all treat ourselves with humor, kindness, and compassion in the year(s) ahead!Read the original post: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/03/forget-goals-set-intentions-instead/

To prioritize something means to treat it as more important than other things, which means only one thing gets to be a priority at a time. So it’s kind of no wonder that the idea of putting ourselves first, of prioritizing ourselves, can feel like a really big ask.However! You, my darling, are a gift to this world. You have something delicious and unique and exceptional to offer. And putting yourself on the backburner is actually doing the rest of the world a disservice.So, here are some ways to start (or continue) prioritizing yourself. You matter. You deserve it. And really nourishing yourself isn’t selfish – it’s what gives you the fuel to then share your brightness with others.To read the original post and check out the pretty new website, visit SettlingIsBullshit.com

Living in human bodies in contemporary society means all of us have to engage with gender in some capacity. Woman, man, trans person, non-binary, gender-free… moving through the world means navigating and/or disrupting societal gender norms. And how cool would it be if we could all walk around feeling not just comfortable with our gender but downright euphoric about it?!Today’s guest helps us think about gender with a bit of playfulness and a lot of curiosity. Performer, theater artist, educator, and clown Ania Upstill (they/them) shares their experience with gender identity, perfectionism, and the radical value of being deeply present. They also share how clowning can be a practice for life for mental and cognitive health, and as a form of mindfulness infused with childlike wonder. What’s not to like about that?!And! The sticker giveaway continues. Leave a rating or review, take a screenshot, and send it to me at cate [at] settlingisbullshit.com, and I will send you stickers!Connect with AniaVisit their website: https://www.aniaupstill.com/Follow them on Instagram @butchmermaidResources, References, and Links“Transhumance: A clown’s journey through gender” – Ania’s performance at the Kennedy Center in June of 2024. Highly recommend. Well worth 55 mins of your time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxKepAXNan0Trans – latin root: “through, across, or beyond.”Commedia Dell’arte. In case you want a more detailed explanation: https://www.metmuseum.org/toah/hd/comm/hd_comm.htmLecoq School. The physical theater tradition that Ania mentions: https://www.ecole-jacqueslecoq.com/?lang=enShakespeare at Winedale. An original practice Shakespeare in performance program outside of Austin, Texas where Ania and I met in 2009. https://liberalarts.utexas.edu/winedale/Pronouns! As I was editing this episode, I got an email from someone in the Portland Parks & Recreation department who had a link to this article included in her email signature – which both made my heart happy and seemed like a nudge from the universe to include it in the show notes. “Why do I list my pronouns?” https://www.portland.gov/parks/pronounsLaughter Yoga (is apparently a totally real thing!) https://www.laughteryoga.org/Botox. I did actually google what Botox is, and I’m just going to leave this quote from the Mayo Clinic that the core component of Botox “is made from the same toxin that causes a type of food poisoning called botulism.”https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/botox/about/pac-20384658Gender affirming care. What it is and why it matters: https://www.hrc.org/resources/get-the-facts-on-gender-affirming-care

In the spirit of the holiday season and last week's episode on boundaries and self-care, I figured it might be good for all of us to revisit one of my older blog posts about saying (and accepting) no. I want to live in a culture that supports healthy boundaries. And healthy boundaries entail respecting people’s “no,” especially our own. Learning to graciously take no for an answer has helped me, in turn, learn how to get more comfortable telling other people no (i.e. learn to respect and hold my own boundaries).So let’s take a little journey together and talk about boundaries, my loves, and how honoring other people’s no’s can create an environment where everyone feels a bit more safe and seen.Read the original post: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/10/13/taking-no-for-an-answer/

Setting boundaries and practicing self-care are hard things to do – especially during the holiday season. But finding a clear sense of our actual capacity and remembering to check in with our body’s needs are important skills the whole year round.In this great conversation with personal development coach Jenny Tryansky, we explore the necessity of being a “rested self" and delve into the complexities of energy management, rest, and self-regulation, particularly in the context of family dynamics during the holidays.It’s a lovely reminder to all of us that we have permission to take care of ourselves, to step away from the conversations that stress us the fuck out, and to check in with what we need in order to show up well.AND! To get a free set of Settling Is Bullshit stickers, leave a rating or review and email me a screenshot at cate [at] settlingisbullshit.comConnect with JennyJenny’s website: https://www.jennytryansky.ca/Follow Jenny on Instagram @jennytryanskycoaching or FacebookConnect with Jenny on LinkedInReferences, Resources, and LinksKaren Brody (Jenny’s rest mentor) and her Daring to Rest program: https://daringtorest.com/The podcast episode where Jenny interviews Karen: “Motherline Exhaustion” – https://daringtorest.com/podcast/59My previous episode about protecting your energy: “#08 | Recharging Your Batteries” – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/05/23/podcast-recharging-your-batteries/Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith TEDx on the seven types of rest: “The real reason why we are tired and what to do about it” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGNN4EPJzGkMy two-part series on befriending our nervous system with Marjorie Schreurs (episodes #20 & #21) – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/10/befriending-your-nervous-system-1-activation/Sarri Gillman’s TEDx: "Good Boundaries Free You" – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtsHUeKnkC8&t=433s

Especially during chaotic times, gentleness is the way forward. Today's episode is a pep talk for all of us trying to make changes in our lives. It offers us the reminder that we can get where we want to go through showing up as best we can without beating ourselves up for falling short of our own unrealistic expectations. (like always getting episodes out exactly on time! lol).Cool shit unfolds a day at a time when we just keep showing up.Also! I'm giving away stickers!! As mentioned in the episode, please leave a review, take a screenshot, and email me at [email protected] to claim yours!For additional resources and to read the transcript, visit SettlingIsBullshit.com

A short love note to those of us who are grieving after the election. Here's our reminder that we're not alone and that we can choose to lean into each other instead of letting the spin out consume us. "Moving from Fear to Love" – https://settlingisbullshit.com/2022/12/27/moving-from-fear-to-love/Quote from Howard Zinn: “To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”From You Can’t Be Neutral on a Moving Train.

Especially when times are tough (and the world feels full of doom and gloom), we need cheerleaders in our lives – people who will believe in us when we can't believe in ourselves. And when we can't believe in big, cool shit for ourselves, it can be easier to believe in it for others. So! Let's all be the change we want to see in the world and offer our support, encouragement, and enthusiasm to each other. It'll become a reciprocal snowball of awesome!This is a blog episode, but in a new twist, I offer a couple of minutes of prefatory commentary before diving into the content I wrote for the website. Visit SettlingIsBullshit.com to read the original post.

Whether we call it magic, prayer, intention, or simply mindfulness, there is power in how we show up in our lives. It’s often just a matter of how much we’re actually paying attention.In this delightful and seasonally appropriate conversation with tarot reader and witch Julie Miller, we talk about what it means to embrace the magic of the everyday activities that so many of us pour our love and intention into: cooking, gardening, crafts, and whispers to the universe. We also touch on the misery of denying our own authenticity, the freedom and joy of being who we really are, and Julie offers a nice little tarot reading for the end of October.AND! In the spirit of the episode, I’m running a special give-away for listeners. Now through October 31st, 2024, visit SettlingIsBullshit.com, subscribe to the newsletter, and then email me ([email protected]) a screenshot of your review/rating for the podcast. You’ll then be entered into a drawing for a free Prisma Visions Tarot Deck! Follow @Settling.Is.Bullshit on Instagram for more details and an opportunity for additional entries!Connect with JulieVisit her website and sign up for Caffeinated Tarot https://www.saltandcrow.com/Follow Julie on Instagram @Salt_and_crowResources, References, and Links:Phyllis Curott – The Book of Shadows. Julie’s first book on witchcraft! https://www.phylliscurott.com/books-and-tarot/book-of-shadowsPractical Magic: “There's a little witch in all of us.” 1998 movie starring Sandra Bullock and Nichole Kidman that gave me and so many other teeny-boppers and aspiring witches LIFE back in the day. Andrea Leda – a beautiful, magical, amazing coach who I deeply respect and is helping me continue to birth my coaching business and this podcast! https://www.bravercoach.com/Trout Lake Abbey. B&B, zen center, and druid sanctuary near Mt. Adams in Washington state. Highly recommended treating yourself to a few days’ visit. https://www.tlabbey.com/The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope. https://www.stephencope.com/shop/books/the-great-work-of-your-life-a-guide-for-the-journey-to-your-true-calling/Dharma. Honestly, I’m going to just suggest that you read Stephen Cope’s book to understand this concept, but it’s a way of thinking about/approaching/understanding what it means to live into our calling or duty or reason for being.

How do our bodies store trauma and what does that even mean? Why does getting triggered hijack our capacity to think straight? And what the heck can we do to heal from our past and nurture a well-regulated nervous system so we’re not freaking out all the time?! Well, listen in my love! In the second part of this two-part series, coach extraordinaire Marjorie Schreurs answers all those questions and more – including a conversation about how and why psychedelics help with healing trauma. While this episode can stand on its own (mostly), I’d recommend going back and listening to part one (last week’s episode) first – as it sets the context for a lot of the vocabulary we use and the way we talk about levels of activation through a color-coded analogy.To read the transcript, visit SettlingIsBullshit.comConnect with Marjorie:Marjorie’s coaching website: https://soulsticecoaching.com/Follow Marjorie on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marjorie-schreurs/Follow Marjorie on Instagram @SoulsticeCoaching https://www.instagram.com/soulsticecoachingResources, References, and Links:EMDR. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. One of many excellent, somatic approaches to healing trauma, and the one I have several years of experience with as a client. https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/Deb Dana. https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/Polyvagal Theory. The Polyvagal Institute’s website is a great resource for more information. https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheoryVagus Nerve Resets. All sorts of resources available on this. Here’s a video/instructor we like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnV3Q2xIb1UHeart Rate Variability. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/21773-heart-rate-variability-hrv Goldfish – “This Is Water” by David Foster Wallace. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eC7xzavzEKY

How well do you hear the signals your body is sending, my love? Most of us either don’t hear so well or too often choose not to listen... and the consequences can look like burnout, meltdowns, freak outs, and tantrums, or chronic fatigue, self-criticism, and general cranky-pants-ness. So! Got a body? This episode is for you! It’s the first installment of a two-part conversation with body wisdom coach Marjorie Schreurs, where we dive deep on how important it is to pay attention to the multitude of signals our bodies are sending us – so that we can take better care of ourselves and de-escalate when we’re on our way to the red zone (or orange zone!, which will make more sense when you listen).You’ll walk a way with a better understanding of how to recognize your levels of activation – as in, the signs that your internal “threat” detector is getting loud and cutting off the signal to the rational/thinking part of your brain. In part two, we’ll cover how to bring your brain back online by soothing your nervous system.Connect with Marjorie:Marjorie’s coaching website: https://soulsticecoaching.com/Follow Marjorie on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marjorie-schreurs/Resources, References, and Links:Marjorie defines some of these terms in the episode, but in case you didn’t quite catch it or want to dig in more, I googled it for you! :)Neuroception. “Unleashing Your Sixth Sense: The Power of Neuroception” – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brain-reboot/202310/unleashing-your-sixth-sense-the-power-of-neuroceptionAutonomic nervous system. “Autonomic Nervous System: What It Is, Function & Disorders” – https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/23273-autonomic-nervous-systemLimbic system. “Limbic System: What to Know” – https://www.webmd.com/brain/limbic-system-what-to-knowPolyvagal theory. “What is Polyvagal Theory?” – https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheoryBurnout by Emily Nagoski, PhD. Really excellent book that walks through how burnout happens and what to do to take care of ourselves around it (either preventative or after it’s too late). https://www.burnoutbook.net/Read the transcript on SettlingIsBullshit.com

When life is doing shit that we don’t like, acceptance is the jumping off point, y’all. Settling is the crash landing. Or maybe it’s the getting stuck on a sandbar landing. Settling is definitely muddy and gross, and I do not wish it upon any of you beautiful souls! Acceptance, on the other hand, is key to figuring our way out of the quagmire of settling. Once we identify and accept the things we cannot change, only then can we find our way to the areas in our life where we do have agency and choice. And way more often than we tend to realize, we do have choice! We just might not like the options. But not settling for bullshit means choosing what we’re willing to tolerate in order to get what we actually want. Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.comThings I reference in this episode:“WTF Is Settling is Bullsh*t?”: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2022/12/02/wtf-is-settling-is-bullsht/Designing Your Life: https://www.amazon.com/Designing-Your-Life-Well-Lived-Joyful/dp/1101875321Episode 17: A Pep Talk for PatienceEpisode 18: How Trauma Disrupts Our Capacity for JoyThe Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/B01I29Y344/

We all have trauma, y’all. It just might not be Trauma with a capital T. Instead, many/most of us are just wandering around on this journey of life getting hijacked by our little-t trauma responses without even knowing it!That’s why I brought in a globally-renowned trauma expert to talk to us about how trauma gets in the way of our joy. And, in full transparency, Dr. Stephanie Goldsmith, PhD is also one of my best friends from college. So, you know this will be fun. That’s right, I said it. A fun conversation about trauma.Key concepts? Everyone has trauma, and you can’t talk yourself out of a trauma response! They are stored deep in our sweet lil’ brains, and they happen before the thinking part of our brain can take back the wheel. They also really fuck with our capacity to feel joy. But there is hope! And all sorts of options when it comes to getting help.Connect with Steph (probably Dr. Goldsmith to you)Goldsmith Psychological Services in Clairemont, CA. https://www.goldsmithpsychologicalservices.com/Gestalt Associates Training Los Angeles (and all over the world!): https://gatla.org/Dr. Goldsmith’s podcast about Gestalt Therapy: All GestaltFor detailed show notes and resources, visit SettlingIsBullshit.com

Season two is finally here! And getting it launched took longer than I had hoped/anticipated, which ended up being juicy fodder for an evergreen topic: PATIENCE! We all need it. We all have a hard time with it. And we can now all come back to this episode when we're struggling around it.This is a 20ish minute pep talk, mini-meditation, and practical exercise all rolled into one that applies universally to any topic that we're feeling impatient about.Huge shout out to the fabulous designers at The Sly Studio for the magnificent new logo and album art: https://www.theslystudio.com/Takeaways:Waiting can be frustrating, and your feelings are valid!Empowerment comes from making conscious choices and we need to get chill before we can get to a place of choice.Creating a to-do list can help redirect focus during impatience.Engaging in self-care activities can alleviate feelings of powerlessness.Trusting the process is key to navigating life's uncertainties.

Self-love is an inside job. And this is your pep-talk for recognizing and appreciating your own awesomeness. It's there! I promise! The trick is just to start looking for the good in ourselves instead of focusing on what we don't have or what we're bad at – none of that shit really matters! Wherever you are on your self-love journey, there is hope!This one includes some juicy journal prompts and practical exercises, so check out the original post to put things into practice: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/02/20/if-you-cant-love-yourself-how-can-you-trust-that-others-do/

What would shift if we all gave ourselves a bit more credit (or brownie points or gold stars) for all the things we do? Whether it's a single squat or one minute of meditation or one sentence of writing, how much might we accomplish if even the little shit counted (as better than nothing)?Read the transcript/original post: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/09/29/what-if-everything-counted/

Wondering WTF a faux feeling is? While you might not be familiar with the term, it's pretty likely you'll know what we're talking about: "feeling" unappreciated, manipulated, judged, ignored... it's a long list of not-actual-feelings that we can get trapped in when we're trying to navigate conflict with the people in our lives. Read the original post: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/10/26/escaping-the-mire-of-faux-feelings/And the companion post on nonviolent communication: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/11/27/the-life-changing-magic-of-nonviolent-communication/