Episodes
-
The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day (October 2009)
Depending on who you ask, The Boondock Saints was either a gritty cult classic or an over-hyped bar fight, merely proof that nostalgia looks especially "Sean Patrick-flattering" through shamrock-coloured glasses. Regardless of which side of the pew you sit on in that debate, one thing is certain:...
-
The Holdovers (October 2023)
While we're not quite ready to wave goodbye to the crunchy leaves and glow of jack-o'-lanterns that close out October, The Holdovers makes a strong case for skipping the pumpkin spice season altogether and diving headfirst into the cozy, boozy melancholy of a 1970s New England Christmas, courtesy...
-
Bedazzled (October 2000)
If the devil appeared to me and offered to grant me seven wishes in exchange for my soul, I'd use every last one of them to try and erase the hot garbage that was Harold Ramis's Bedazzled from as many planes of existance as humanly possible. The eternity I'd have to spend roasting in hell would...
-
Frankie & Johnny (October 1991)
If someone told me that the 1991's Frankie & Johnny was required viewing for police services and psychotherapists alike, all I could reasonably reply with would be, "Say no more, fam"! Mixed in amidst this movie's snappy quips, world-building, and incredible acting is the story of an absolute...
-
Kiss The Girls (October 1997)
We can't say the title of this movie without immediately hearing our favorite singing crab, but rest assured 1997's crime-thriller Kiss the Girls is a very different kettle of fish. This movie doesn't really know what it wants to be. It tries to sell itself as a Se7en / Silence of the Lambs–style...
-
Urban Legend (September 1998)
I know we've all heard a few "Urban Legends" about our old pal Jared Leto, if you know what I mean, but for now, let us head back to a simpler time, a spookier time, a slashier time! The central premise to this film is quite arguably that one girl is an absolutely abhorent driver and should have...
-
The Town (September 2010)
Welcome to Charlestown, Baahston! The city where everyone's a bank robber, the women are all on drugs, and all the little children can dream of is an ice rink. Even Fergie's lookin a little rough in this piece! They say if you watch this back-to-back with The Departed, The Boondock Saints, and…
more -
The Queen (September 2006)
Aaaand they're back! This week, we shoot back to 2006 and a movie that left royalists, monarchists, and Anglophiles alike clamoring for more—the award darling, Oscar-bating, The Queen. This film serves up all the hallmarks of British luxury: a picnic in the Cairngorms (featuring a full bar, I…
more -
24 - Last Action Hero (June 1993)
GET DOWN with the latest episode of The Chronicles of Critic where we are taking a look at the highest grossing movie that came out this week way back in 1993. While perhaps oveshadowed by the groundbreaking film that was Jurassic Parc, Last Action Hero came out the next week to... not much...
-
23 - The Bourne Identity (June 2002)
While Scooby-Doo technically topped the box office this week back in 2002, we made sure to send one of the Treadstone assassins to do to that dog what they did to poor Eamon's retriever in The Bourne Identity. This one's our first 10 on the nostalgia-meter — and quite possibly my favourite film.…
more -
22 - The Mummy (June 2017)
Ah, The Mummy... sacred, ancient, cinema-treasure of a bygone childhood. While I doubt anyone who saw Tom Cruise's effort at the property when they were nine years old will look back with the same level of nostalgia upon the 2017 version as we do the 1999 edition, we're pleased to say this effort...
-
21 - Notting Hill (May 1999)
Not sure if this should be called Notting Hill or Nodding Off... I kid — though it does run a bit long — because honestly, it's hard to fault another Curtis classic brimming with snappy dialogue, charming meet-cutes, and... manic emotional blowouts? Thankfully, Hugh's signature floppy-haired...
-
20 - The Little Mermaid (May 2023)
Little did we know that it would actually be the "Disney Live-Action Remake-a-verse", rather than the MCU, that would end up being the bane of our existence when we started this project. But alas, here we are. Why, oh why, did someone decide that this movie needed to be "Part of Our World", when...
-
19 - Mad Max: Fury Road (May 2015)
At first when we saw that Mel Gibson had left us a voicemail, we were really thrilled... but then we listened to said voicemail. Yikes. What a lovely day it is when you find yourself speeding through a post-apocalyptic wasteland, guzzling mother's milk, guzzoline, and sand... so much sand. Mad…
more -
18 - Longtime Companion (May 1990)
Well... out of respect for the subject matter of this movie, we'll probably keep the horsing around in this description to a minimum. But if the film can open with an intentionally light-hearted, borderline stereotypical depiction of young gay men in the early '80s, then let me just say—what a...
-
17 - X2: X-Men United (May 2003)
In the immortal words of DMX, "X Gon' Give It 2 Ya!" — and boy, does this movie ever give it to us! The costumes, the miniature work, the sets, the acting, the stunts, and Huge Jacked-Man's guttural Wolverine yell that sinks Rod Steiger's 'January Man' yell-acting to the bottom of a medical-grade...
-
16 - The Avengers (April 2012)
Well, it finally happened... we've stumbled into Martin Scorsese's favourite innovation in film—the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Before the corporate juggernaut that is Disney began force-feeding us this particular IP ad nauseam, there was a brief period of time known as "Phase 1," when we all...
-
15 - The Jungle Book (April 2016)
A tiger, a bear, a black panther and a man-cub walk into a bar - and manage to re-create the true Disney classic that is... checks notes... The Lion King? Seriously, the number of shot-for-shot recreations of that movie is astounding, considering that the source material for this production was...
-
14 - Bridget Jones's Diary (April 2001)
Bridge... Brijet... Bridjt.. Briget.. how on Earth do you spell this damn name? Oh well, guess I'm illiterate. You know who definitely isn't illiterate? The amazing team of, book-writing, script penning, comedic geniouses that created the razor-sharp and laugh-out-loud movie that may just even be...
-
13 - The Girl Next Door & The Alamo (April 2004)
What, another DOUBLE FEATURE?! What is it about movies from 2004 that makes us itch to watch more than one at a time? Speaking of itching, something tells me a few characters from The Girl Next Door are no strangers to that particularly 'prickly' sensation... Join us as we watch a walking bag of...
-
12 - Godzilla vs. Kong (March 2021)
Come for the creature fights, stay for the VFX. But don't forget to bring your tomatoes to throw at the screen, because the real monsters in this movie are all the scenes that force you to endure what might be the most expositional dialogue you've ever heard since that time you accidentally…
more -
11 - Diabolique (March 1996)
This movie has the same energy as excitedly going to grab some ice cream from the freezer but discovering that the only flavour left in the neopolitan container is strawberry. Or when you go to chow down on that perfect sandwich you made earlier and have been craving all day, only to take a bite...
-
10 - Four Weddings and a Funeral (March 1994)
Get your tea and crumpets ready as we travel back to enjoy the absolute staple of the British institution that is Four Weddings and a Funeral. You may have never realized that the likes of Love Actually, Bridget Jones's Diary, and Notting Hill were all born of this O.G. cultural touchstone and…
more -
9 - 10,000 BC (March 2008)
This movie will have you asking questions like, "where are we?" and, "is it ethical for white people playing non-white people to have dreadlocks?" or perhaps, "do the dinosaur-deniers have a point?" and maybe even, "how do the druid guys get any slaving done with nails that long?" I don't think...
-
8 - Man of the House (March 1995)
If there is a limit to how much borderline-problematic representation of native american culture can be stuffed into a single movie, this film makes every attempt to find out. Watching this movie made me feel like I was shot into an alternate universe wherein Jonathan Taylor Thomas is a little…
more -
7 - The Number 23 (February 2007)
This movie is the third installment of the Ace Ventura franchise, wherein Ace is depressed, lets down his guard, contracts rabies from a rabid dog, and falls into a hallucinatory fever-dream psychosis, and I will die on this hill! From the time where alt-rock bands and the second British invasion...
-
6 - Happy Gilmore (February 1996)
Air humping, butt cracks, questionable breakfast foods, alligator wrestling, glasses of "shut-the-hell-up", Bob Barker's fast hands (thanks Chuck Norris), and - what we feel - is an unforgivable and uninvestigated PR strategist's ploy to ruin a man's life for golf ratings. Happy Gilmore was the...
-
5 - The Lego Movie (February 2014)
If before recording this episode you told me this movie came out eleven years ago and I still hadn't seen it... I would have walked right by you without another word because I'm obviously too high-society, snobby, and cultured to waste my time with an animated children's movie based on toys. But...
-
4 - You Got Served & The Perfect Score (January 2004)
Wow its a DOUBLE FEATURE! Why? Because this dude cannot abide that a movie about men dancing sensually in the rain while still claiming to be "straight street" and "straight hood" was the highest grossing movie released this week in 2004. And because my nostalgia-meter was off the charts for an…
more -
3 - Serenity (January 2019)
Serenity! No, not the good 'space' one, the unhinged, Black Mirror-wannabe one released January 25, 2019. The one that has us asking those classic, existential questions like, "What does it all mean?", "What even is reality?", and, "Given the movie's twist, does it make sense that the main...
-
2 - The January Man (January 1989)
Only the 1980s can deliver a film whose synopsis is, "Disgraced Manhattan ex-cop re-hired by the mayor as a last ditch effort to solve the mystery of eleven women murdered by a serial killer" and say it's a comedy. This movie has it all - from wooden performances to hysterical yell-acting,...