This Is It, I’m Just Me

Cancer doesn’t just affect the person who receives the diagnosis—it can change an entire family.In this deeply personal chapter, I explore what it’s like to have watched cancer affect multiple generations of my family: losing my cousin to breast cancer and my aunt and godmother to pancreatic cancer, seeing two uncles survive prostate cancer, my maternal uncle undergo surgery for colon cancer, and watching my father continue his battle with lymphoma.I talk about the impact cancer can have on families, children and caregivers, the reality of treatment and “chemo brain,” and how watching the people you love face cancer has changed my own perspective on treatment, quality of life and mortality.I also share my spiritual perspective on death and why I don’t believe death has to be something we fear.Because cancer may enter one person’s body—but its impact can reach an entire family.

Grindr is one of the easiest dating apps to actually connect on—no endless swiping, no waiting for a match, just people nearby and the ability to start a conversation. But that accessibility comes with another side.In this episode of This Is It, I’m Just Me, I take an honest look at Grindr from the good, the bad and the downright ugly: hookups, dating, friendship, love, catfishing, stolen photos, harassment, transphobia, obsession, rejection and unwanted contact.As a trans woman, I also explore why Grindr can sometimes make it easier to find men attracted to trans women, while also creating its own complications. I look at Canadian research into queer adults and dating apps, and most importantly, the role boundaries play in online dating.Because attraction doesn’t give anyone ownership of another person. “No” is an answer. “Don’t call me” is a boundary. And when someone repeatedly crosses that line, it’s time to pay attention.Grindr isn’t automatically good or bad. Some people find hookups. Some find friendships. Some find love. But whatever you’re looking for, you deserve to feel safe, respected and heard.Extra reading:
• Grindr Safety & Privacy Resources
• Pew Research Center: Online Dating & LGBTQ+ Experiences
• Canadian research on queer adults and dating apps
• Australian Institute of Criminology: Dating-App-Facilitated Sexual Violence
• Research on trans women’s experiences of GrindrContent note: This episode discusses harassment, stalking, transphobia, sexual violence, threats and unwanted contact.

After decades of dating, I have learned that words can be beautiful—but they aren’t always evidence. From the disappearing “good morning gorgeous” to promises to call that never become phone calls, I explore what happens when the excitement of early dating fades and you’re left looking at someone’s actual behaviour.Blending personal experience with current psychology and reflections on how dating has changed from the pre-texting 1990s to today’s apps, FaceTime and endless messaging, I talk about what trust, authenticity and genuine communication really look like. Because words can tell you what someone wants you to know—but eventually, believing means seeing it with your own two eyes.

We’ve been taught that being single means something is missing — but does it?In this chapter of This Is It, I’m Just Me, I explore singlehood, relationships, loneliness, and the changing ways people around the world seek connection.From changing attitudes toward marriage and living alone to Japan’s companion robots and the growing role of AI, we look at what happens when people want connection but can’t always find it through another human being.Because your relationship status does not determine your worth.Sometimes the greatest flex is knowing you can stand on your own — while still leaving room for someone who deserves a place beside you.⸻Sources & Further ReadingThis chapter draws on research about loneliness, living arrangements, relationships, mental-health access, social robots, and AI companionship.• World Health Organization — Social Connection, Social Isolation and Loneliness• Statistics Canada — One-person households and Canadian household trends• Statistics Finland — People living alone and household statistics• Pew Research Center — Loneliness and social connections in the United States• OECD Family Database — Marriage, divorce, cohabitation and changing family structuresAdditional research was also consulted on Japan’s aging population, social robots, AI companionship, and artificial forms of intimacy.The research in these areas is continually evolving. Some AI-companionship research is still emerging and should be viewed as early evidence rather than settled conclusions.For anyone interested in exploring the statistics further, the organizations above are a great place to start — and, of course, you can always Google the topics and explore the research for yourself.

Sometimes the people we grew up with become the people we no longer recognize. In this chapter, I explore sibling fallouts, resentment, aging parents, family expectations, caregiving, addiction and recovery, emotional exhaustion, and the difficult decision to step away from a sibling relationship. Because sharing blood doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your peace—and sometimes loving someone means accepting that you can’t save them, change their choices, or continue being part of the cycle.

In this deeply personal episode, I talk about where I’ve been, why the podcast has been quieter, and the unexpected shift happening in my life. After years of being visible, performing, creating, and sharing so much of myself publicly, I’m learning what it means to live a slower, softer, more peaceful life.This isn’t a goodbye. It’s a reflection. It’s about burnout, depression, grief, healing, letting go of expectations, the realities of pet ownership, and discovering that a meaningful life doesn’t always have to be a loud one.Thank you for being here with me.

In this chapter, I talk about what happens when you step away from the noise—like leaving Instagram and barely using Facebook—and start hearing yourself again. When the constant input of social media quiets down, it changes how you see everything: identity, attraction, and even yourself.Being in my own company lately has brought a sense of clarity and peace I didn’t expect. Without all that outside influence, I’m noticing who I am a little more clearly, without pressure to explain it or define it.And I’m learning that maybe I don’t need to define everything about myself to feel grounded. Maybe I don’t need a label at all—maybe I can just be me.

In this chapter, I talk about something that often gets misunderstood—living alone.Not as loneliness… but as peace.As intention.As a life that’s been carefully shaped to feel calm, soft, and truly your own.I share what it’s like to create a home that reflects your inner world, where quiet isn’t empty—it’s grounding. Where your space begins to hold you, instead of drain you.And I also open up about a new kind of companionship entering my life…A gentle, intuitive cat arriving on May 16th—bringing a kind of love that doesn’t disrupt peace, but settles right into it.This chapter is about redefining what it means to feel complete.Not waiting for love to arrive… but building a life that already feels whole—and allowing the right kind of connection to enter it, softly.If you’re living alone, learning to enjoy your own space, or craving a softer way of being… this one’s for you.

Continuing through the 1953 archives of Chatelaine, this chapter dives into two very different stories—The Story of Two Fat Men and From Merrie England to Massy by Judith Robinson. What starts as a simple reading quickly turns into something deeper, touching on health, identity, culture, and the way people thought and wrote back then. It’s fascinating to see how some things—like conversations around weight and lifestyle—haven’t changed much at all, while others feel completely of another time. Along the way, there’s also a look at the language, the personality in the writing, and even a vintage ad that adds a little humour to it all. It’s reflective, a little raw, and very much a continuation of the journey into the past—seen through a modern lens.

In this first episode of Chatelaine: The 1953 Archives, I open the March 1953 issue of Chatelaine and begin at the very beginning — including a section where readers take over and share their opinions, reactions, and perspectives. These letters give a fascinating glimpse into what people were thinking, discussing, and debating at the time. Some thoughts feel surprisingly familiar, while others clearly reflect a different era, making this a unique window into everyday life and conversation in 1953.

I didn’t post a farewell story. I didn’t announce a break. I just deleted Instagram. In this episode, I share why I made the clean cut, what it’s like stepping away from a platform that drains more than it gives, and how simplifying my digital life has helped me reclaim energy, focus, and real connection.If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by scrolling, fake connections, or the constant highlight reels, this one’s for you. A quiet exit might just be the freedom you didn’t know you needed.

Lana dives into the Fire Horse energy—a bold, transformative force that shakes up life, clears old connections, and opens space for new beginnings. She shares her journey of letting go: ending draining relationships, shedding past selves, and even redesigning her space with a new dining table that reflects her evolving style. Blending Life Path 4 grounding with natural 8-year clearing cycles, this chapter is a guide to turning pages, releasing what no longer serves you, and stepping fully into the next chapter of your life.

I love writing poems and creating stories with words and sound. In this chapter, I talk about how I bring my poetry to life, why I started sharing it in new ways, and how I use tools like AI to shape the sound, effects, and atmosphere that make my work feel alive. I also introduce my alter ego, Velvet L, and the YouTube space where my poems meet sound.https://youtube.com/@velvetlmusic

We’re living in a time where attention is currency and everything seems to come with a price tag.In this chapter, I reflect on fame, monetization, social media metrics, privacy, and why I’ve chosen to keep my creative work free. Not because I can’t monetize it — but because I don’t want to lose the joy of it.When the world measures your worth in engagement, how do you protect your soul?

🌍 Listeners Around the WorldIn this special chapter of my documentary, I celebrate all 32 countries where this podcast is being heard. Together, we reflect on the state of the world, honor resilience and beauty in every culture, and remind ourselves that love, equality, and human rights matter for everyone.Sit back with your favorite drink or snack, no passport needed, and travel the world with me as we connect across continents, cultures, and hearts. From Canada to Ecuador, Ukraine to Australia—this chapter is a reminder that we are all human, we are all connected, and we must do better for each other.

Lately, it feels like aging is treated as a personal failure and perfection is something we’re all expected to chase. Wrinkles aren’t just lines anymore — they’re seen as flaws. Bodies aren’t allowed to change. Faces aren’t allowed to move.In this chapter, I talk honestly about how beauty standards have gotten out of control — from fillers and plastic surgery to filters, Instagram, TikTok, and the pressure to look young no matter the cost. I get into the disconnect between the “perfect” faces and bodies we see online and what’s often happening behind the screen, including anxiety, addiction, burnout, and self-destruction.This isn’t about shaming anyone or judging personal choices. It’s about questioning a system that thrives on insecurity, unpacking our fear of aging, and remembering that bodies are meant to be lived in — not constantly fixed.Perfection isn’t peace. And the illusion is real.

In this chapter, I talk honestly about why I’ve stepped away from online dating—not from love, not from connection, but from the apps themselves. As a trans woman who later came into herself as a lesbian, online dating taught me a lot… and also showed me exactly what no longer aligns.I reflect on two real experiences that shifted my perspective, why ENM and open dynamics—while valid for some—don’t fit who I am at my core, and how choosing depth, clarity, and self-respect has changed how I move through dating entirely.This isn’t a rant and it isn’t bitterness. It’s about self-awareness, boundaries, and choosing alignment over algorithms. Sometimes opting out is the most grounded decision you can make.

In “Aligned by Design,” explore astrology, numerology, and the inner guidance of energy and clarity. Discover how your Sun, Moon, Rising, Life Path, Soul, and Name numbers reveal patterns in love, work, and self. Learn why energy alignment matters more than surface attraction, how honoring your vibration strengthens your life, and why choosing yourself first is a powerful act of intentional living. A reflective, interactive journey to notice the signals your body, mind, and spirit are giving you — so nothing feels random, and everything feels aligned.

Siblings—the people we don’t choose, but who shape us in ways big and small. In this episode, Lana explores the ups and downs of sibling relationships, sharing personal stories, from celebrating her 19th birthday with her older brother to navigating transitions, support, and life’s challenges. She also dives into the psychology of sibling dynamics, including boundaries, partner relationships, and knowing when stepping back is the healthiest choice. This is a reflective, relatable conversation about love, growth, and caring for both yourself and the people you love.

Chapstick Lesbian is about choosing clarity over performance. I didn’t change my style, my personality, or my femininity — I just stopped centering men.This chapter is about listening to your body, setting real boundaries, and allowing desire to tell the truth without shame. It’s honest, grounded, and about finally letting go of what no longer fits.

Therapy, diagnosis, and responsibility in modern trans healthcare.In this chapter, Lana explores why medical transition must be treated as serious healthcare — not a social trend. Drawing from her lived experience as a medically transitioned trans woman, Canadian healthcare data, and real statistics, she discusses the importance of therapy, diagnosis, and responsible access to care. She also explains why medical transition and gender expression are not the same — and why protecting access to proper trans healthcare, especially for youth, matters.

Authenticity & Being Original explores the difference between showing up as your true self and standing out as your own unique energy. Lana dives into why not everyone will understand your growth, why some people become background characters in your story, and how being real can be both empowering and lonely. This episode breaks down the pros, the cons, and the clarity that comes from seeing through people’s fakeness and protecting your peace.

Disclaimer: This episode discusses surgical procedures and personal medical decisions. It is for informational and storytelling purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Always consult a qualified healthcare professional for your personal situation.In this episode, I share a deeply personal chapter of my life — the challenges, discoveries, and milestones that have shaped my journey as a trans woman. From my early transition experiences to surgeries in my 30s, and now, at 46, discovering new medical options that give me clarity, peace, and the chance to feel whole in my body.

In this chapter, Lana explores the way music reaches the soul — from Malte Marten’s calming hand pan to SYML’s haunting emotion and Billie Eilish’s shadow-soft power. It’s an intimate look at why certain sounds give us chills, unlock memories, and stay with us long after the song ends.Before closing, Lana invites you to play your favourite track and share one word for how music makes you feel. Drop your one word in the comments section and join the emotional landscape of this community.

In this chapter of This Is It, I’m Just Me, Lana opens up about how style is so much more than the outfits we put on. From her girl-next-door beginnings to her hot-goth era, from funky experimentation to the confidence her chest and neck tattoo awakened, she explores how fashion grows with you — and sometimes even outgrows who you used to be. This episode dives into identity, evolution, and the power of dressing for how you feel, not what’s trending.A chapter about expression, rebellion, softness, power, and learning that the most authentic thing you can ever wear… is yourself.

We live in a world where our homes, phones, and daily routines are quietly connected to AI. In this chapter, I explore how tools like ChatGPT, Google Home, Siri, and even Alexa (for many people) can support us in ways we might not always notice — from organizing our day and tracking reminders to helping caregivers navigate medical care and offering guidance in tough moments. I reflect on how AI can boost creativity, provide perspective, and even offer emotional support, while also reminding us of the importance of balance and boundaries. A thoughtful look at living alongside technology, staying human, and embracing the future that’s already here.

In this episode, Lana dives deep into the complicated layers of modern friendship — the real ones, the close ones, the fading ones, and the ones that exist mostly on a screen. From taking accountability in your relationships to understanding how social media blurs the line between friend and acquaintance, Lana reflects on how connection used to be, how it feels now, and what it means to show up authentically in a world that’s always watching. Raw, warm, funny, and honest — this is friendship, unfiltered.

In this deeply personal episode of This Is It, I’m Just Me, I share the emotional weight of my dad’s latest PET scan — news that shows his lymphoma has become active again. I talk through what it feels like to hear those results, to watch someone you love fight through exhaustion, and to live in that quiet space between fear and hope.This episode isn’t just about cancer; it’s about the human side of waiting, loving, coping, and showing up even when life feels uncertain.If you’re navigating illness in your family, if you’ve ever sat in a waiting room with a heavy heart, or if you’re simply a human trying to make sense of life’s hardest moments — this one is for you.It’s raw. It’s real. It’s me.And this is Scan Days.

In this episode, I’m sharing the shift that happened in me when I turned 46 — a quiet, powerful realignment that completely changed how I look at dating, relationships, intimacy, and the energy I allow into my life.I talk about the standards I’ve raised, the red flags I no longer entertain, and why I’m choosing slow, intentional love over rushed chaos. I also dive into why friendship first matters to me now more than ever, and how connection feels different when it’s built on honesty, consistency, and real emotional alignment.If you’re stepping into a new era of self-worth, clarity, and choosing peace over confusion, this chapter is going to resonate.This is 46 — and I’m embracing every part of it.

In this chapter of This Is It, I open up about my mental health — the shadows I’ve been walking through, and the light I’m slowly finding again. I also share a new piece I’ve written, a hauntingly imaginative poem-story perfect for Halloween. It’s raw, creative, and a little eerie… with a few extra thoughts and surprises along the way.

On today’s chapter, I talk about my recent trip to beautiful Montreal, Canada, a waiter who fancied me, the issue with Ottawa and the people in it, my happier moods, and an update on my dad’s cancer diagnosis now that he’s finished chemo. I also touch on my milestone streams on Spotify and share my views on dating and where I stand with that. See you in the next chapter.

As most of you know I’ve been alone for a while, I’ve been missing some furry companionship. And so I’ll be meeting a kitty sometime in September. Her names Pekoe and my friend owns her but needs to rehome her as she has some interesting qualities lol. Listen to this short chapter of my little life.

This chapter is about drifting away from things no longer relevant to my life and focusing on myself and my current needs. Actually doing things that are gentle for my mental health and wellbeing. Not being part of a lifestyle that doesn’t involve growth. This chapter is a short one. Please enjoy!

I’m calling this chapter Chemo Complications because that’s exactly what we’ve been facing. The treatments, the side effects, the unexpected hospital stays — it’s all taken such a toll, not just on him, but on everyone around him. I wanted to use this space to open up a bit about what’s been going on, how it’s been affecting our family, and the kind of emotional weight that comes with watching someone you love go through something so intense. It’s one thing to hear about chemo; it’s another to live through the reality of it day by day. This episode is raw and personal, but I hope it helps anyone else out there navigating something similar feel a little less alone.

Burnout isn’t just about being tired — it’s a deep, soul-wearing exhaustion that creeps in when we’ve been pushing ourselves too hard for too long, often while pretending everything’s fine. In this chapter, we talk about the slow unraveling that comes with overcommitment, lack of boundaries, and emotional depletion

Gosh where do I even fucking start. The past few weeks have been emotionally exhausting, mentally exhausting, soulfully exhausting and physically exhausting. I’m just exhausted my dads cancer has just been traumatic with a shit storm of complications and I’m burnt the fuck out. Listen in to this chapter without kids in the room

This chapter talks about my personal tips and tricks to anal sex, what’s the deal with anal douches, types of lubes to use. Toys you can use and the magical touch of massage. And how to communicate with your partner/s. Hope this helps.

This chapter marks the end of the story with Almost Lovers. He told me this week that he’s selling his house and moving seven hours away for work. That means no more visits, no more fun, and no more in-betweens. It’s bittersweet—and honestly, kind of crappy—because now I have to open myself up again and find someone new I can trust. But that’s life. We grow, we change, and with that, this chapter closes.

Welcome to Almost Lovers, where passion ignites through words, touch, and unfulfilled desire. In this chapter, we explore the electric connection between two people who have never actually crossed the final line, but have shared steamy moments of sensual kissing, intense foreplay, oral pleasure, and intimate massages. It’s a story of chemistry, anticipation, and the thrill of being consumed by desire without going all the way. Tune in as we dive deep into the world of almost lovers, where the heat never fades, and the tension builds with every kiss, touch, and word.

In this heartfelt chapter, we explore the incredible journey of my father, from his childhood and teenage years to the moment he met my mother. Join us as we reflect on his experiences, the challenges he faced, and the strength he showed after his cancer diagnosis. This chapter is a tribute to resilience, love, and the power of family.

I always try to be authentic, and be myself. Life isn’t always easy and we all have dark clouds and they aren’t always dark. Sometimes they are grey and sometimes we allow some sun to peak through to brighten our days. It’s best to not allow those dark days to stay.

Disclaimer: This chapter is raw, emotional and real.As someone who looks positive all the time we to have an extra layer below that positivity. This chapter talks about how my depression is affecting me currently. I’m extremely being vulnerable and speaking honestly about how I’ve been feeling lately and I am extremely emotional in this chapter. I touch on topics of grief, pet loss and my dad’s cancer and other mental health issues.Most don’t see this side of me. As I put a different layer on the surface for everyone else to see. Most people who have depression fake their smiles and fake being happy all the time. But lately I’ve been very drained energy wise, mentally exhausted and just over it. This chapter is rawest in its entirety.Kleenex will be needed.

I recently came out as a lesbian, embracing my desire to live authentically and be true to myself. I’ve realized that I no longer have a sexual interest in men, and I feel ready to step into this new chapter of my life with confidence. It’s an important part of my journey, and I’m excited to explore who I am and what this new phase holds for me. Listen to a few stories within this chapter and sit back grab a drink or a snack and let’s dive in.

In this chapter, I’ll share the story of how my nipple pasties unexpectedly popped off during my performance at the historic Mayfair Theatre, where I was the show opener for Forbidden Films. Along with that mishap, I’ll dive into a little backstory about the beauty and history of the theatre itself. Built decades ago, the Mayfair holds a special place in the city, known for its vintage charm and rich history. For more information about the theatre check out their website https://mayfairtheatre.ca/

My father’s cancer has progressed to stage four, and it has spread to other parts of his body. This is the latest update on what’s happening. This chapter covers the type of cancer he has and the next steps going forward, as well as how I’m coping with this new situation.

This chapter is all about getting creative with yourself. For me, it’s writing, as I feel it’s my best outlet. I’ve never been one to paint or draw, but I have a way with words. Over the years, friends have always told me I should publish a poetry collection in a book. While I haven’t taken that step yet, I’m excited to share some of my latest pieces of work in this chapter. It’s a personal journey, and I hope my words resonate with you.

I wrote a new piece for the next smutty storytelling happening in a few months time. This morning while I was in the shower these words started to flow in my head and I knew I might have an exceptional new piece. Disclaimer: This piece is graphic in nature which also touches on sexual trauma, alcohol use and is very detailed. Listeners please be advised and if this isn’t for you please pass on this chapter.If you need help please call 911 in Canada For suicidal thoughts text 988

On this chapter I talk about keeping an open heart, a open mind. And letting the divine lead me to the right person in my, when it comes to getting an emotional connection with someone. Whether that be with a male or female. Dating can be so tricky when you’re trans. I’m still not using the so called dating apps. And there’s been a little leeway with someone I was getting to know last year. Listen in on this short chapter.

In this chapter we dive into the often-overlooked aspect of dating—taking responsibility for your own actions and decisions. In a world where it’s easy to blame others for relationship woes, true personal growth starts with owning up to your part in the process. Whether it’s recognizing patterns, acknowledging past mistakes, or being honest about what you want, taking accountability can change the course of your dating life.Throughout this episode, we’ll discuss how taking ownership of your dating decisions—whether that’s choosing a partner, handling conflict, or deciding when to walk away—is empowering.Taking responsibility for your choices and behavior in dating is about more than finding a partner—it’s about growing as an individual. After all, accountability isn’t just about accepting blame when things go wrong; it’s about owning your power to make things go right.

This new chapter is all about leveling up and truly embracing our authentic selves, shedding old layers, and stepping into a more aligned version of who we are. Dating, as many of us know, is never an easy journey. It can feel especially challenging when you carry a calm and grounded energy. That kind of energy tends to attract people from all walks of life, including those who may not have done the inner work on themselves yet.While this can lead to moments of deep connection, it can also mean encountering individuals who are drawn to your calmness but aren’t ready to match the level of emotional maturity or self-awareness you bring to the table. It’s a process of filtering through the noise and finding those who are not just attracted to the energy you exude but are also able to meet you there.This chapter is about being discerning, setting healthy boundaries, and recognizing that while you may attract many, not everyone will have the capacity or readiness to walk this path with you. It’s about honoring your growth, not settling for less, and opening yourself up to the relationships that truly align with your values and the person you’re becoming.