Apricot Oak | Trauma Recovery, Psychology, and Faith

What does it truly take to keep moving forward when the ground beneath your feet falls away? In this powerful conversation, we sit down with NCAA National Champion runner and music curator Tim Avery to unpack what resilience looks like in the face of life-altering crisis.From the peak of athletic excellence and running DIY music scenes to receiving a devastating Stage 3 testicular cancer diagnosis that had spread to his lungs and liver, Tim shares the mindset, discipline, and faith that carried him through the hardest season of his life.Whether you are navigating a health battle, mental exhaustion, or a personal valley of your own, this episode will remind you how to anchor your thoughts, lean into community, and choose the curative path forward.In This Episode, We Explore:The Mindset of an Athlete in Crisis: How discipline and mental training from cross-country running became essential tools for enduring medical trauma.Separating Emotion from Reality: The power of focusing on the doctor’s curative plan rather than letting panic take the wheel.Reframing the Treatment: Why seeing chemotherapy not as "poison," but as the cure, transformed the recovery process.The Healing Power of Community: How music venues, friends, and fundraisers rallied to bring light and support into the darkest moments.Quiet Faith & Inner Grounding: Leaning into Hebrews 11:1—choosing faith in the unseen when the outcome is uncertain.Redefining Purpose Beyond the Valley: Transitioning from raw intensity into patience, gratitude, family life, and fatherhood.Episode Highlights:Welcome to Apricot Oak: Breaking through the hardest seasons of life Meet Tim Avery: From NCAA National Champion to music community leaderThe unexpected diagnosis: Facing Stage 3 cancer Emotional discipline: Tuning out panic and listening for the curative pathWhat chemo really feels like: The physical and mental endurance required" Roc4Tim" - When community shows up and outpaces the fearThe competitive runner mentality: Why outworking the odds mattersHebrews 11:1 and holding onto faith in what you cannot seeLife after cancer: Patience, fertility journeys, and welcoming baby AuroraAn ongoing journey: Leaning into the wind and never turning backConnect with Tim:Instagram: @the_timaveryConnect with Apricot Oak:Instagram: @apricotoakpodcast* * * If this episode encouraged you, please leave a rating, share it with a friend, and subscribe! * * * Thank you for listening!

True self-care goes far beyond bubble baths, spa days, or material treats. In this episode of the Apricot Oak podcast, we take a deeper look into the psychological and emotional meaning of self-care: a vital practice for healing past wounds and restoring a healthy, authentic connection with yourself.We explore how early life patterns - like people-pleasing, overachieving, and emotional suppression - create a divide between your true self and the person you present to the world. When you learn to attend to your own needs with compassion, you not only find inner peace but also build the foundation necessary to love and connect well with others.Key Takeaways:Beyond Surface Pampering: Why authentic self-care is about how you relate to your mind, body, emotions, and boundaries.Healing Early Attachment Wounds: Recognizing how survival strategies from childhood can disconnect you from your core identity.The Connection Between Self-Care & Relationships: How loving and attuning to yourself enables healthier connections with those around you.Practical Strategies for Daily Life: Seven actionable steps to bridge the gap back to your true self, from kind self-talk and daily check-ins to body movement and emotional curiosity.Connect with the Show:Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastSubscribe & Review: If you found value in this episode, please follow, rate, and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform!

In This Episode, We Discuss:As parents working to break generational cycles and raise healthy kids, it’s easy to slip from gentle parenting into total exhaustion. How do we stay regulated when our kids are dysregulated? How do we hold boundaries without crushing their spirit—or burning ourselves out?In this episode of Apricot Oak, Rachel sits down with Flora McCormick, LCPC—parenting coach, licensed clinician, host of the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, and mom of two. Flora shares her practical, highly actionable framework for Hybrid Parenting: learning to be kind and firm at the exact same time.The Gentle Parenting Trap: How the shift from "powerless kids" in past generations has overcorrected into "powerless adults" today—and why it leads to burnout.The "32-Mile Marathon" Mindset: Why staying calm during a tantrum starts with building non-judgmental mental muscles before the chaotic moments happen.Kind & Firm Mantras: Grounding phrases like "It’s not my job to make my kids happy" and "Kind is clear, clear is kind" to help you stand firm against power struggles.The "25-Year-Old" Exercise: How shifting your perspective from the quick win to long-term character building changes how you handle daily conflicts.Real-Time Examples: Practical scripts for getting out the door without yelling, dealing with pushback over screen time/treats, and de-escalating intense meltdowns.The 30-Second Reset: One game-changing, 24-hour strategy you can try today to instantly shift the energy in your home when your child is defiant.Key Quotes & Mantras from Flora:"All feelings are accepted, but certain actions must be limited.""Listen to the music, not the lyrics—look at the tone, not just the argument.""Connect before you correct."Connect with Flora McCormick:Website: sustainableparenting.comPodcast: Sustainable Parenting Podcast (Short 8–15 minute weekly episodes)1-on-1 Coaching & Resources: Check out Flora’s website for free guides and coaching packages.Connect with Apricot Oak:Instagram: @apricotoakpodcastIf this episode gave you a practical tool for your home today, please subscribe, rate, and leave a review—it helps other parents find our community!

In this short update episode, I’m stepping back to the mic after a few months away. After pausing the show following the passing of my father in April, I’m sharing a bit about this season of grieving, honoring his legacy of wisdom and kindness, and how carrying his torch forward is shaping the heart of the podcast.We’re officially back, and I'm so grateful you're here for the journey.What’s coming up next on Apricot Oak:Parenting & Connection: Practical strategies, tools, and mindsets you can try right away as a parent or caregiver.Overcoming Hardship: An inspiring interview on surviving brutal physical health challenges and finding strength through general life struggles.Thank you for your continued support, ratings, and reviews—it truly helps our community grow!Connect with the Show:Instagram: @apricotoakpodcastDon't forget to subscribe, rate, and review if this episode encouraged you today!

Do you feel like you can never truly relax, even when your to-do list is empty? In this episode of the Apricot Oak Podcast, host Rachel sits down with holistic health coach Melissa Armstrong to understand why our bodies stay "on edge."We explore Polyvagal Theory—the science behind your body's internal map of safety and threat. Melissa explains that many of us aren't just "stressed"; we are living in a chronic state of functional freeze, where we get things done but feel completely disconnected from ourselves, others, and God.In this episode, we discuss:The Science of Safety: Why safety isn't just the absence of a threat, but the presence of internal peace amidst chaos.Functional Freeze: How high achievers stay productive while their nervous systems are actually shut down.The Trauma-Body Connection: Understanding how past wounds (from playground bullying to chronic stress) create inflammation and physical symptoms today.The Vagus Nerve as a "Communication Superhighway": How your body sends more messages to your brain than the other way around.Practical Somatic Tools: Simple, "stupidly simple" ways to signal safety to your body right now through breath and awareness.Key Quote:"Safety isn't the absence of problems... it's the presence of internal peace amidst the chaos." — Melissa ArmstrongTimestamps & Highlights[00:00] – Introduction: Moving from breakthrough to flourishing.[04:15] – Defining "Functional Freeze": When your body is a place you can't rest in.[08:42] – The Biblical Promise: Why the Bible promises difficulty but offers peace through a regulated spirit.[12:10] – What is Trauma? Gabor Maté’s definition and how it disconnects us from our bodies.[18:30] – The Physical Cost: How "thoughts, traumas, and toxins" lead to gut issues and fatigue.[22:15] – The Vagus Nerve: Your biological path to safety.[25:50] – The "Belly Breath" Exercise: A 30-second somatic tool you can use anywhere.[31:10] – Modeling for the Next Generation: Why regulating your own nervous system is the best gift for your kids.Connect with Melissa ArmstrongWebsite: holistichealthbymelissa.comInstagram: @holistichealthbymelissaPodcast: Holistic Health with MelissaConnect with Apricot Oak: Follow the show on Instagram @ApricotOakPodcast for more content on healing, trauma recovery, and reconnection. Don't forget to rate, share, and review the show to help others find these tools for flourishing.Keywords: Nervous System Regulation, Polyvagal Theory, Vagus Nerve Healing, Somatic Exercises for Anxiety, Functional Freeze, Chronic Stress Recovery, Faith and Mental Health, Holistic Healing

What happens when the labels you’ve built your life around suddenly fall apart? April Farlow joins us to share how a devastating medical detour and a lost season of her 20s forced her to strip away every title to find her true identity. Discover how the broken pieces of your life align to reveal a beautiful, unexpected purpose.In this episode of the Apricot Oak Podcast, host Rachel (trauma-informed therapist) dives deep into the psychology of "Who vs. Whose." April Farlow, leadership coach and author of Pieces of You, reveals how a misdiagnosis of bipolar disorder led her to build a life on "false stability" until the truth set her on a path toward radical authenticity and a place of flourishing.If you are navigating trauma recovery, seeking well-being, or trying to reconcile your faith with a messy reality, this conversation offers the "mirrors" you need to see the masterpiece God is building.The Identity Shift: Why rooting your self-worth in roles (parent, professional, high-achiever) is a recipe for a "crushing" collapse.The Kaleidoscope Metaphor: A powerful framework for seeing how your "shattered pieces" are being aligned into a beautiful pattern.Authentic Leadership: Why leading from your history of brokenness is more effective than leading from your successes.Finding Your "Tension": Practical steps to identify the burdens in your life that point directly to your calling.[04:15] – The trap of "Who vs. Whose": Distinguishing your roles from your foundation.[12:30] – The London Detour: Facing a season of extreme family trauma and "shattered pieces."[21:10] – The Label of "Unstable": Living 4 years under a medical misdiagnosis and rigid stability rules.[30:45] – Grieving the Season: How to restart from scratch when your life’s foundation is proven wrong.[42:00] – The Foundational Anchor: A father’s daily reminder that points to a heavenly identity.[55:20] – Lydia’s Place: Turning personal brokenness into a ministry for foster youth in Athens, GA.[01:05:00] – Practical Steps: How to look for the "tension" in your life to discover your purpose. April’s Book: Pieces of YouThe Ministry: Lydia’s Place (Athens, GA)Follow April on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fragmentsoffaith_/Follow April on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61567739151510Get the book: Pieces of You https://www.amazon.com/Pieces-You-Knowing-Light-Whose-ebook/dp/B0DFK79ZJH/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2NCOZ9W5ZSK17&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.XGvVSPSiXgbYZRr4EwH9Lnkc6ky27mwML785RkWeXyo.FKeTLVLczJMMflIyjE8Wn7NavQBPanjhcLhsfOCMNw0&dib_tag=se&keywords=Pieces+of+You+April+Farlow&qid=1773025082&sprefix=pieces+of+you+april+farlow%2Caps%2C158&sr=8-1Lydia’s Placehttps://lydias-place.com/Yorkshire Publishinghttps://yorkshirepublishing.com/https://www.facebook.com/search/top?q=yorkshire%20publishinghttps://www.instagram.com/yorkshirepublishing/?hl=enFollow Rachel on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/apricotoakpodcast/Rate & Review: If this episode helped you find clarity, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

About Today's Episode:Are you tired of trying all the things to find healing without seeing real change?In this powerful episode of the Apricot Oak Podcast, we dive deep into the intersection of faith and holistic mental health with guest Kathy Stommel. If you’ve felt stuck in old patterns or overwhelmed by the weight of the past, this conversation is the invitation your soul has been waiting for.We explore the reality of healing trauma through a lens of trauma-informed spirituality, moving beyond surface-level fixes to engage in deep soul work. Kathy shares her profound insights on how we can begin breaking generational cycles by addressing the emotional and spiritual wounds that have been passed down through our families.In this episode, you’ll discover:Practical tools for healing that integrate your faith with modern psychological understanding.The difference between "spiritual bypassing" and true spiritual wellness.How to navigate faith-based trauma recovery without losing your connection to God.Steps to achieving lasting emotional wellness by listening to the wisdom of your body and spirit.Whether you are just beginning your journey or have been seeking a breakthrough for years, this episode provides a compassionate roadmap for anyone ready to move from survival mode into true flourishing.Connect With Today's Guest: Kathy Stommel can be found at:https://www.ignitingpurpose.net/[email protected]: @Igniting_PurposeConnect with the Apricot Oak Podcast:Subscribe so you never miss an episode of deep healing and transformation.Leave a review on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Godcaster to help us reach others searching for hope and healing.Fine me and connect on Instagram @ApricotOakPodcast*Please like, rate, and share this episode, it truly helps grow the show! I appreciate you so much. Thank you for listening.

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE:In today’s episode, we are diving deep into positive psychology—the scientific study of what truly makes life worth living. We’re going to explore how this field moves us beyond just 'getting by' and into a state of genuine flourishing. We’ll also look at the 'why' behind it all: how focusing on our strengths and cultivating well-being can actually rewire the brain, providing you with the practical tools to build a healthier, more intentional life.I want to thank April for showing up and sharing her expertise on the Apricot Oak Podcast.Also, a huge shout out to my loving husband who edits the show. I couldn’t do this without him and am forever grateful for him.ABOUT TODAY’S GUEST: April Thorndyke is the Founder and CEO of Empower Counseling—an organization recently celebrated as the 2025 'Best of Georgia' in Mental Health. April is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who has built a remarkable career on the foundation of creating safe, judgment-free spaces. Whether she is helping clients navigate deep-seated trauma, supporting families through the perinatal journey, or serving our military and veteran communities, April’s mission remains the same: to foster self-acceptance and empower people to see their lives through a brand-new lens.Beyond her clinical work, she is a no fluff, authentic and encouraging voice in the podcasting world as the host of Empower Hour.CONNECT WITH APRIL:April Thorndyke can be found on Instagram @empowercounselingpllcShe is on TikTok, Facebook, and you can find her at:https://www.empowercounselingservice.com/ where you can also access her podcast Empower Hour.—————————————————————————————————CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!

ABOUT TODAY’S GUEST & EPISODE:Today’s episode is very special because of my absolutely lovely guest. Today you’re going to hear from a phenomenal woman, Anna Valentine. She holds a Master’s in Drama Therapy from New York University, is a Registered Drama Therapist, a Licensed Professional Counselor, and is currently pursuing her doctorate degree in Mind Body Medicine with a Specialization in Integrative Mental Health from Saybrook University.Today Anna will talk about some of her story and how she has endured a horrific trauma and how she found her path to recovery and healing. In her journey she has become a healer and is sharing her knowledge and wisdom on how to cultivate a healthy nervous system in order to live the life you want for yourself. ---------------------------------------------------------------------A little more about Anna:She has previously served on a Private Assertive Community Treatment team at the world-renowned Menninger Clinic. She has worked with a myriad of populations in both inpatient and outpatient settings, including a forensic psychiatric unit at Bellevue Hospital in New York City, the Veteran Affairs Hospital in West Haven, Conn., and a day program in Brooklyn, New York, for individuals with chronic and persistent mental illnesses. She has worked as the expressive arts therapist on the Ellenhorn PACT team in New York City.From the forensic psychiatric unit of Bellevue Hospital to working with veterans and individuals facing chronic mental illness, Anna has been on the front lines of complex care. But what makes her work truly electric is her 'whole-body' approach. As a registered yoga teacher and certified personal trainer, she doesn't just talk about healing; she utilizes improvisation, poetry, and physical movement to unlock growth where traditional talk therapy often hits a wall.She is a representative for the North American Drama Therapy Association and a true visionary in integrative mental health.As you’ll want to know much more about her after today, go get her book: Simply Begin: Create, Meditate, and Find Purpose. Not only all of that guys, she has a really great podcast, “Moved By Grace Counseling Radio,” you’ll want to check it out!CONNECT WITH GUEST:https://www.movedbygracecounseling.com/https://www.theselahspace.org/You can find her Book here:https://www.amazon.com/Simply-Begin-Create-Meditate-Purpose/dp/1666787876/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2JIVIIHR5TI5A&keywords=simply+begin+anna+valentine&qid=1705068198&sprefix=simply+begin+%2Caps%2C95&sr=8-1&asin=1666787876&revisionId=&format=4&depth=1Or here: https://www.movedbygracecounseling.com/about-6Check out her podcast here: https://www.movedbygracecounseling.com/podcast —————————————————————————————————CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show! 

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE:In today’s episode, I have the privilege of interviewing Megan Babcock. She is the Founder of It’s Your Story to Tell. She is also an Award-winning coach, bestselling author, speaker, and podcast host equipping leaders and transforming lives at the intersection of faith and neuroscience—helping people rise with purpose and leave a lasting legacy.You are in for a treat as you are about to hear a story that is powerful in both how much pain Megan endured while also how she found healing, identity, and purpose for her life. She shares how your pain can actually transform you into your destiny. You do not want to miss this. Lean in and find parts of her story in yours-as all human beings experience pain and struggle. Today, you will gain insight into how one woman found life on the other side of her traumas and how you can too! Megan is a trauma informed coach, holistic nurse, and author of Unstuck- Break Free from What’s Holding You Back & Create a Life You Love.CONNECT WITH MEGAN:Founder of It’s Your Story to Tell, a podcast, an offering of coaching programs, and writing all around Getting Unstuck, Unlocking Freedom, and Unleashing Impact.https://www.itsyourstorytotell.com/https://substack.com/@meganbabcockCONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show with friends or on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show! A huge shout-out to my incredible husband, this wouldn’t be possible without you.

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE:It is such a gift of hearing MORE from the extraordinary leader and a true force in the world of human transformation: Marilize Smit—Founder, CEO, and Global Head of International Coaching for Mind Studio.I loved my conversation with Marilize so much, we made it into a two part series. In this second episode with Marilize, She discusses how the brain actually drives leadership, decision-making, and follow-through—why high-capacity leaders set bold goals yet struggle with execution, and what neuroscience reveals about sustained motivation and accountability.We’re also cover—imposter syndrome, inner criticism, and the self-talk that quietly shapes confidence, courage, and clarity. Because the truth is, the quality of your leadership is inseparable from the quality of your inner dialogue.Later in the episode, we bridge science and faith. If you’ve ever wondered whether neuroscience and Christianity are at odds, today’s conversation will change that narrative. We explore how Scripture’s call to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” is being validated by modern brain science, and how prayer, meditation, and spiritual disciplines tangibly reshape emotional regulation, resilience, and brain health.Stay throughout the episode to hear more of Marilize's personal story. Thanks for listening!---------------------------------------------------------------------ABOUT TODAY'S GUEST:Marilize Smit has built Mind Studio into a globally recognized powerhouse of personal development. Her work helps individuals unlock their full potential and create meaningful success in every area of life. Through a unique blend of cutting-edge neuroscience and ancient wisdom, Mind Studio offers a transformational framework—one that empowers people to rewire their minds, cultivate a resilient and powerful mindset, and step fully into their purpose.With customized tools, exercises, and breakthrough methodologies, Mind Studio guides individuals on a step-by-step journey into deeper clarity, confidence, and authentic success.Marilize herself has been recognized among the “Top 10 Most Empowering Women Leaders Making an Impact, 2025” by CIO Views magazine. They describe her as a visionary who “flips the script on success,” defining it not just as achievement, but as the ability to inspire and empower others while pursuing meaningful goals aligned with a clear and compelling vision. Through her neuroscience-based coaching, she helps both individuals and organizations break through barriers, ignite transformation, and unlock their highest potential.CONNECT WITH TODAY’S GUEST:You can find out more about Marilize and what her business can bring you to help you unlock your full potential and achieve success in all areas of your life. See the link below:https://mind-studio.co/She is also on LinkedIn and can be found on Instagram @marilize.smit————————————————————————————————CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE:Today, you get the real treat of hearing from the extraordinary leader and a true force in the world of human transformation: Marilize Smit—Founder, CEO, and Global Head of International Coaching for Mind Studio.Today's show is part one of a two-part series where we talk about various topics focused through the lens of neuroscience and how understanding one's brain is a powerful tool to use in promoting overall mental health, emotional well-being, and success in one's professional and personal life. ABOUT TODAY'S GUEST:Marilize Smit has built Mind Studio into a globally recognized powerhouse of personal development. Her work helps individuals unlock their full potential and create meaningful success in every area of life. Through a unique blend of cutting-edge neuroscience and ancient wisdom, Mind Studio offers a transformational framework—one that empowers people to rewire their minds, cultivate a resilient and powerful mindset, and step fully into their purpose.With customized tools, exercises, and breakthrough methodologies, Mind Studio guides individuals on a step-by-step journey into deeper clarity, confidence, and authentic success.Marilize herself has been recognized among the “Top 10 Most Empowering Women Leaders Making an Impact, 2025” by CIO Views magazine. They describe her as a visionary who “flips the script on success,” defining it not just as achievement, but as the ability to inspire and empower others while pursuing meaningful goals aligned with a clear and compelling vision. Through her neuroscience-based coaching, she helps both individuals and organizations break through barriers, ignite transformation, and unlock their highest potential.CONNECT WITH TODAY’S GUEST:You can find out more about Marilize and what her business can bring you to help you unlock your full potential and achieve success in all areas of your life. See the link below:https://mind-studio.co/She is also on LinkedIn and can be found on Instagram @marilize.smit—————————————————————————————————CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!

ABOUT TODAY'S GUEST AND EPISODE:It is an honor to introduce to you today my guest, Leslie Lamb.  Leslie is a writer, a speaker, a Christian, a counselor of many years, and podcaster of the Sifted Wheat Podcast. She has a deeply thoughtful and smart podcast, where she invites questions and has conversations about faith and relationships.In today's episode, Leslie shares her POWERFUL story of suffering from deep attachment wounds while at boarding school as a young girl, along with enduring abuse, and getting into the darkest place imaginable. She finds a way out of this dark pit through a remarkable encounter. Leslie bravely shares the deep and meaningful story of her life and how she came to find true healing, true connection, and ultimately freedom from what almost took her life. You do not want to miss this powerful story.CONNECT WITH TODAY’S GUEST:  Find Leslie A. Lamb on her website: https://lesliealamb.com/And on Instagram @leslamb & @siftedwheatpodcast—————————————————————————————————CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!Now playing on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Godcaster. Also, a huge thank you to my husband Jon Ochoa for being a wonderful editor to this podcast. I don't think I could do this without all your love and support.

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE:Ready to experience less stress, more peace, and deeper, more fulfilling relationships? Today on The Apricot Oak Podcast, I’m honored to welcome Anita Webster. Anita is a trauma therapist, educator, and consultant who specializes in evidence-based, brain-and-body approaches to recovery from complex trauma. Originally from Australia and now living in the U.S., she brings both expertise and deep compassion, along with a global perspective shaped by her own journey. In this episode, we’ll explore how attachment shapes our mental health and the path to greater wholeness, secure love, and deeper connection to those you love.CONNECT WITH TODAY’S GUEST:  Find Anita at: https://www.innerlifetherapy.org/And on Instagram @innerlifetherapy—————————————————————————————————CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE:In this episode, we dive into a really important conversation about attachment—what it is, how it shows up in marriage, and practical ways to strengthen and improve your attachment with your spouse. I’m so excited for you to hear from her today.ABOUT MONICA TANNER:Monica is a certified relationship coach, the host of the Secrets of Happily Ever After podcast, and the proud author of Bad Marriage Advice: Debunking Myths That Will Make You Miserable and What To Do Instead. Over the years, she has helped thousands of couples move from feeling stuck and disconnected to feeling deeply seen, safe, and passionately in love again. With tools rooted in Relational Life Therapy, her mission is simple but powerful: to help you build a marriage that actually works.CONNECT WITH TODAY’S GUEST:  https://www.monicatanner.com/https://www.badmarriageadvice.com/join-the-waitlistYou can find her book at the link above or on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Marriage-Advice-Debunking-Miserable/dp/B0FQ46HG3S—————————————————————————————————CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show! 

About Today's Episode & Guest:Today’s episode is a special one. Apricot Oak Podcast is just beginning its third season. This episode is the very first in our new series on attachment. Over the next few weeks, we’ll be exploring how the way we connect with others—and with God—shapes so much of our emotional, relational, and spiritual well-being.I’m so honored to introduce today’s guest, Heidi Mortenson. Heidi is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in the state of Minnesota, with a Certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy from St. Mary’s University and a Master’s in Counseling Psychology from Bethel University. She is trained in EMDR, an evidence-based trauma therapy, and is also a certified Daring Way™ Facilitator.Heidi brings a unique blend of clinical training, faith, and life experience to her work. She owned and led a mental health practice for 16 years, and along the way she discovered the powerful difference it makes when faith is invited into the counseling room. She has seen powerful transformation in people’s lives—not because of human effort alone, but because of the healing power of Jesus.In addition to her therapy practice, Heidi is ordained through Patricia King’s Women in Ministry Network, has studied at Bethel Supernatural School of Ministry, and completed Love Says Go Academy. She is also a podcast host and author, committed to sharing encouragement and hope with others.Heidi’s passion for this work is grounded in her deep belief that therapy works when the relationship is genuine, and that true healing is possible. I’m so thrilled to have her with us today to open our series on attachment.To learn more about Heidi, you can find her at:https://www.heidimortensonlmft.comHeidi's Podcast: Strong Tower Mental Health on Spotify & Apple PodcastsAlso, you can buy her book on amazon or find it on her website.https://www.amazon.com/Brave-Encourager-Change-World-Encouragement/dp/B0F45MTN43/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2XZHHQ445XEHH&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.8ouYwwxb_ggCQtM2VMiBdw.KBlxCrEchSlXxignSFiZp_kdDnsfV3CkosEshk5uBxk&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+brave+encouragement+heidi+mortensen&qid=1759724744&sprefix=the+brave+encourageer+heidi+mortenson%2Caps%2C161&sr=8-1---------------------------------------------------------------------CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!Also, if you download the Godcaster App, you can find Apricot Oak Podcast as well as many other podcasts all in one platform without needing a login. Download the Godcaster App today!

Wishing you a wonderful and happy Summer Season! Apricot OakPodcast is taking a summer break and will be back in the Fall with new episodes for you.Take care of yourselves, find the joy, and enjoy this season!love, Rachel@apricotoakpodcast

In this conversation I have the privilege of interviewing a talented and skillful therapist, Stephanie Chase, LMFT. Stephanie helps us understand what EMDR—Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing—is all about. You will learn why EMDR is such a powerful, research-backed tool for helping those navigating symptoms of post traumatic stress, anxiety, depression, relational conflicts, sleep disturbances, eating disorders and so many other challenges one may face in this life. Whether you’ve experienced any of these challenges yourself or are simply curious about how healing happens, I think you’ll find this discussion both hopeful and grounding.---------------------------------------------------------------------LINKS & BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS FROM TODAY'S SHOW:Connect with Stephanie Chase: Click on link below:https://www.campbellteenfamilytherapy.com/our-team/stephanie-chase/Recommended Books & Links1) Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy by Francine Shapiro, PhDhttps://www.amazon.com/dp/B00758AT24?ref=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cso_sms_apin_dp_RTSZ8MBNNM4G8ZDN4C9B&ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cso_sms_apin_dp_RTSZ8MBNNM4G8ZDN4C9B&social_share=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cso_sms_apin_dp_RTSZ8MBNNM4G8ZDN4C9B&bestFormat=true&titleSource=avft-a&previewDoh=12) Dark, Bad Day, Go Away! A Book For Children About Trauma & EMDR Therapy, by Ana M. Gomezhttps://www.anagomez.org/product/dark-bad-day-go-away-a-book-for-children-about-trauma-and-emdr-therapy-second-edition/3) To find an EMDR certified therapist, click the link belowhttps://www.emdria.org/---------------------------------------------------------------------ABOUT STEPHANIE CHASE, LMFT:Stephanie is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has dedicated her career to supporting teens and young adults. Her expertise is in trauma and abuse, depression and anxiety, substance use issues, self-injuring behaviors, family problems, grief and loss, and medical related trauma and life transitions. She has primarily worked through public school systems and local non-profit agencies, offering therapy that addresses a wide range of emotional and behavioral concerns. Stephanie received specialized training in The 7 Challenges, a program focused on drug and alcohol counseling for adolescents, and is currently in the certification process for EMDR Therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).Her therapeutic style is integrative, drawing from EMDR Therapy, Family Systems Theory, Attachment Theory, Solution-Focused Therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Stephanie has a strong interest in neuroscience and enjoys looking at the whole person when providing care. She is committed to helping clients unlock long-term healing through empirically supported methods like EMDR.Stephanie has worked with organizations such as The Bill Wilson Center, Seneca Center, Habitat for Humanity, San Jose Family Homeless Shelter, and Church on the Hill. She has also provided school-based mental health counseling at two campuses within the Santa Clara Unified School District. Passionate about serving at-risk populations, she offers pro bono therapy through A Home Within, ensuring that former foster youth have access to consistent, high-quality mental health support.Beyond her clinical work, Stephanie remains active in her community through leadership roles, particularly those supporting mothers with young children. She also enjoys writing therapeutic articles for local high school newspapers.In her free time, Stephanie loves spending time with her husband and their three children. A Bay Area native, she is proud to serve the community she calls home.---------------------------------------------------------------------CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!

If I had one message to give to the world at this point in my life, it would be this one. It is raw, it is personal, and it is the greatest truth and wisdom I have known. I submit this short message to you to ponder and even test its validity for your life. It is my hope you receive something in it for you.

In today's interview, I get to introduce to you another one of my favorite people. She has been a great friend to me over the years.  You will love hearing from Jeannie Boyer today!Today we’re going to talk about a variety of topics from nutrition, stress management, self-care, and how nutrition effects mood, and overall health; we’ll also be talking about perimenopause & what women can do to improve their well-being in this stage of life through dietary and lifestyle choices! Guys, feel free to listen too, the perimenopause topic is only a small part + it may help you understand better the women in your life. :)ABOUT JEANNIE:Professionally speaking, Jeannie Boyer is a seasoned dietitian with over 20 years of experience. She currently runs her private practice focused on overall health and bariatrics. She is dedicated to making healthy eating easy with less stress, empowering individuals to restore confidence in their food choices and enjoy lasting health. Lastly, I want to make a correction. I spoke on a training I am taking, Food is Medicine. I mentioned in the interview today that the trainer is a therapist, but in fact, she is a naturopathic physician, Kristen Allot, ND, LAc. I referenced some of her work in today's episode and wanted to be sure I put the correct information about her in the show notes.A special THANK YOU to my amazing husband who works incredibly hard in life and on top of it all edits my podcast for me. THANK YOU!———————————————————————————————CONNECT WITH JEANIE:On Instagram @jeannieboyerrdVisit her website at www.bariatricsuccessrd.comCONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show! 

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE:This is a very special interview with one of my most favorite people on the planet. In today’s conversation, you will hear from Melissa Nakatani, a life long friend. She is full of life, energy, and her sense of humor is contagious.  I find her extraordinary at anything she sets her mind to.I invited her on today to talk about the challenging subject of grief and loss. As she shares her story of grief, it is my hope for you listening that you find some areas in her story that resonate with you. We have all faced loss in some way at some point in life.  I hope everyone experiences encouragement today, knowing you are not alone in the process of life as you navigate grief.————————————————————————————————CONNECT WITH RACHEL:You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcastThank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show with friends or on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show! 

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE: Today’s episode is INCREDIBLY SPECIAL. You will gain so much from listening to this episode with Elizabeth Foster.  If you have ever gone through or are going through a really tough time in life, or someone you love is going through the most difficult challenge of their lifetime, you’ve got to listen to this interview. In today’s interview, Elizabeth shares her story of how she carved out faith despite facing the tumultuous diagnosis of cancer.  As we are sharing this amazing conversation, she is potentially in the last several weeks or days of her life, yet she still has SO much JOY & HOPE.   This story is for you to encourage you in whatever you are facing. Whether it’s a horrific health diagnosis, battle in your relationships, mental health struggles, obstacles weighing you down from your job or just life pressing in on you - THIS  episode will refresh you and give you a new perspective to go forward in your life with more hope, faith, endurance, and joy.   Pleas give it a listen! CONNECT WITH GUEST: If you were encouraged by today's episode or Elizabeth's story resonates with yours, you can find Elizabeth Foster from Napa, California, on Facebook. ——————————————————————————————— CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast Thank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show with friends or on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show! 

Happy New Year to you all! It has been a fun journey to start this podcast with you. Thank you for all your support and encouragement this past year. I appreciate all my listeners and am wishing you all the very best for 2025! Be gentle on yourself and pursue what brings you joy! I'm looking forward to offering you some more great interviews to inspire you to grow and rise into the life you're destined for! CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast Thank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show with friends and on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE & GUEST: Today’s show is an introduction to my friend Laura Cortez’s story of coming out of oppression and religious torment. It is such a privilege to experience her powerful story how she overcame this trauma brought on by her church and church’s leadership. Despite facing these profound challenges of spiritual oppression, Laura has not only found her way through the misconduct of leadership and misuse of power, but has emerged on the other side with a renewed sense of healing, freedom, and hope—not just for herself, but for her family as well. Her courage to confront these experiences and her commitment to sharing her truth are a testament to her strength and resilience. Today, she joins us to offer insight, wisdom, and a message of hope to anyone navigating their own journey of healing, especially healing from religious trauma and abuse. There is hope on the other side to a restored relationship with oneself and with God. ———————————————————————————————— CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast Thank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!  Thank you to my husband, Jon Ochoa, for being the best editor in the world, I love you.

ABOUT TODAY'S EPISODE: Today's show is a short episode that guides you into a spirit led mindfulness experience. We've talked about trauma, stress, and taking care of oneself and one's own nervous system on this show. I wanted to provide you with an experience of taking care of yourself through mindfulness; that is, coming to oneself without judgment, but with openness. So let this short episode guide you into some calming breath work and lead you to some inner peace to bring something good to your day. After this exercise, my hope is you will feel good knowing that you did something kind for yourself today. Take a listen! CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast Thank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show! <3 

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE: On today’s episode we talk about various subjects, particularly my guests’ story in how they have broken free from anxiety, sexual addiction, and various forms of dysfunction in their lives. We discuss relationships with self and others, specifically defining codependence and interdependence and how those show up in relationships.  In our discussion we shed light on  unhealthy and healthy ways to be in relationship with one another whether that is with your spouse, your friends, co-workers, and beyond.   CONNECT WITH GUEST: Remy & Monica Harris help Christians create healthier, happier marriages by living in the freedom of a healed heart. Passionate about Jesus, they share Christ-centered, practical, evidence-based tools for heart and relationship healing—so you can overcome struggles and confidently navigate life’s challenges. www.remyandmonica.com/heal-pain  A FREE GIFT for YOU! www.remyandmonica.com/5-phases Check out their book on Forgiveness https://calendly.com/originalintentlife/15min  Book a free call with Remy and Monica Harris https://www.facebook.com/share/g/VYBunW4PubU4woqB/?mibextid=K35XfP Remy and Monica’s Facebook group to experience some of their FREE trainings ————————————————————————— CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast Thank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!  

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE: In today’s episode, I engage in a discussion with Melissa Armstrong, an extraordinary individual with a compelling personal journey. Melissa shares her insights on healing the broken parts of our lives using a holistic approach, offering practical tools and strategies that can help us along the way. One of the key topics we explore is generational trauma—how the experiences of past generations can impact our lives today, and how we can actively address this through practical, actionable steps. Melissa's depth of knowledge and personal experience shine throughout this discussion, making it an inspiring and powerful conversation you won’t want to miss. Tune in to hear Melissa’s wisdom and discover how you can begin to heal so many areas of your life. CONNECT WITH TODAY’S GUEST:   Connect with Melissa on Instagram @holistichealthbymelissa or visit her website at holistichealthbymelissa.com ABOUT MELISSA: Melissa Armstrong is a Trauma Informed Functional Health Coach. She is a remarkable human with a powerful story that I am so grateful she is willing to share with you. She also carries so much knowledge and wisdom on the topic of healing. She helps people conquer their trauma, regulate the nervous system, balance hormones, and helps people heal their mind, body, and spirit using a Holistic approach. She offers hope to those who may be in despair or struggling in life right now, and shares how HEALING IS ALWAYS POSSIBLE! ————————————————————————— CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast Thank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show! ------------------------------------------------------------------ A special thank you to my loving husband, Jon, who does all the editing for Apricot Oak Podcast. Without him, this would not be possible - in so many ways.

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE: I am so excited for this opportunity to interview Pastor Jake Taylor.  You do NOT want to miss this one.  Jake Taylor shares his story of facing anxiety and depression and how he overcame these challenges. Also, you will receive wisdom, knowledge, and applicable ways to combat mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and trauma.  He intertwines a perspective of faith as well as practical approaches to heal and recover from what you are suffering through.  This is one of my favorite interviews! Check it out. Also, you will want a copy of his book. It is so well written, well researched, and full of interesting stories of his life in how he battled depression and anxiety at a young age and into adulthood. You will learn how he conquered anxiety and depression. You will discover practical methods to improve one’s mental health, acquire wisdom, and even laugh through the chapters as there is plenty of humor added in as well. LINK TO HIS BOOK: Invisible Illness: Understanding and Thriving With Anxiety and Depression https://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Illness-Understanding-Thriving-Depression/dp/1736281305/ref=sr_1_1?crid=136ABSLV18PC3&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.7qKBokc8J1jgt2G7jFNU9A.UW0j-bKueuT_ydnvRu50kuQkH1CsspTSoRWBFINIB98&dib_tag=se&keywords=invisible+illness+understanding+and+thriving+with+anxiety+and+depression+jake+taylor&qid=1722475255&sprefix=invisible+illness+understanding+and+thriving+with+anxiety+and+depression+jake+taylor%2Caps%2C178&sr=8-1 CONNECT WITH GUEST:  Connect with Jake Taylor on Instagram @mrjaketaylor or visit his website at https://www.pastorjaketaylor.com ———————————————————————— CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast Thank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!

Do you or someone you love struggle to overcome trauma from the past? This episode I introduce trauma and share my favorite treatment modalities for working through trauma. This episode offers you practical steps you can take to begin overcoming trauma, whether your trauma stems from a specific one-time traumatic event or from complex trauma that has shaped your character and worldview. You will hear about specific actions you can take to start regulating your nervous system, calm your body, and address the emotional effects of trauma. I'm so excited to share today's episode with you! ------------------------------------------------------------- CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast THANK YOU for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means A LOT to me and helps grow the show. Disclaimer: This podcast does not constitute the practice of therapy or other mental health treatment. The use of this information on this podcast is at the user's own risk. The content on this podcast is not intended to substitute for professional advice, mental health treatment, or therapy.

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE: Life can present us with the greatest hurdles. From facing cancer, to living life in the dark with an onset of blindness, Ron & Ann share their way through life’s deepest hardships. They give us keys on how to love one another unconditionally through it all. Ron & Ann share with you how to integrate faith, resilience, and love, in order to be victorious in this life. You don’t want to miss it!   ABOUT TODAY’S GUESTS:  Ron Kihara:  Born 1944 in Shakopee, Minnesota, where his father worked for the Army Intelligence Language School during WWII. Family moved to Monterey, CA , 1945, after the war with the Defense Language School now headquartered at the Army Presidio of Monterey. Ron graduated from Monterey High School in 1962 and began college at UC Berkeley, interrupted by a stint in the Army, Stateside, during the Vietnam war. Returned to college at UCB, graduated and began a career in Student Services at Berkeley, and later San Francisco State and CA State University Hayward. It was at Hayward that he met his wife, Ann. Ron is now retired and living back in Monterey, in the home where he grew up. The move was driven in part by Ron's declining vision, a result of an inherited condition called "Retinitus Pigmentosa." Monterey, being a small town, is easy to navigate on foot or by bus, affording independence for the visually impaired. Ann Kihara:  Born in 1950 in Los Angeles, California, where her father was in a PhD program of study in Psychology. Her family relocated to the town of Fullerton, where Ann grew up. After graduating from high school in 1968, Ann attended UC Santa Cruz for three years. After working for the U.S. Geological Survey and CA State University, Hayward, Ann went back to school and completed her BA. Later, she took advantage of an employee education program to obtain an MA in Counseling at CSUH. A few years later, she took an early retirement to become a licensed Marriage and Family Counselor. As that career was beginning, she moved with her husband into the family home in Monterey to continue practicing. For more information or resources for quality marriage and family therapists check out: https://www.couplesinstitute.com/ ——————————————————————————————————————— CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast Thank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show! 

ABOUT TODAY'S EPISODE: Have you ever struggled with addiction? Have you experienced the grip of past hurts, habits, or hang-ups? Today's show interviews the lovely, LaDona Lane, a beautiful example of how one can break free from the bondage of addiction. Listen to how you can break free from addiction, hurts, habits, and hang-ups that are no longer serving you. ABOUT TODAY'S GUEST: LaDonna Lane is a remarkable woman, she is authentic, powerful, and truly special. LaDonna has experienced success in breaking free from the chains of addiction, and I am excited for her to share with you her story. She has helped many people become victorious in their own recovery from addiction or past issues, you have to meet her. Countless lives have been impacted, stories rewritten, and victories celebrated thanks to her amazing dedication. LINK FROM TODAY'S SHOW: Find a Celebrate Recovery Program near you! Celebrate Recovery Locator: https://locator.crgroups.info/ -------------------------------------------------------------- CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me on Instagram at ApricotOakPodcast: https://www.instagram.com/apricotoakpodcast/ Thank you for rating, reviewing and sharing the show on social media, this makes such an enormous difference on the reach of this podcast!

ABOUT TODAY’S EPISODE: Today’s show introduces the FIRST interview on Apricot Oak’s podcast.  You do not want to miss out on this interview with the phenomenal Julie Landreth! We’ll talk about her amazing curriculum she created, Wife Lab. We discuss her program that focuses on improving one’s marriage, how to love their husband in all the best ways, and how to integrate one’s faith to help create a great marriage.   Also, Julie shares with us her amazing journey of becoming a competitive and award winning bodybuilder! She talks about her own strength journey and how to build a life you want for yourself.  She will share the wisdom she’s gained through her journey, you will leave with special tools to improve your relationships, specifically in marriage, as well as ways to become who you are destined to be!   CONNECT WITH GUEST: Connect with Julie on Instagram: @julielandreth, and @wifelab Julie Landreth is an artist, athlete, designer, and storyteller. She is a daughter of King Jesus, a wife to a fantastic man who served our country in the Marines. She is a mother to a bright and funny teen son. And a mom to a huge cat and two giant mastiff dogs. Her husband jokes how she could be a professional “best friend” because she loves to make new friends and get women together. She trained for and competed in her first two muscle competitions in the last few years. She started bodybuilding, and in less than five months of training, she took home two first-place medals and two second-place medals from her first competition. Two weeks later, she competed in Nationals at Masters USA, placing 3rd and 5th. She created and taught a course called Wife Lab™, where she encourages women in the art of praying for their marriages, understanding marriage from God’s perspective and learning how to live out loving their husbands well. She will launch a Wife Lab™ for women who are yet to be married but want to pray for their future husbands. ——————————————————————————————————————— CONNECT WITH RACHEL: You can find me and follow me on Instagram: @ApricotOakPodcast Thank you for rating, reviewing, and sharing the show on social media, it means a lot to me and helps grow the show!

Hey Guys! If you find yourself navigating uncertainty about your purpose, grappling with mental health challenges, or eager to unleash your full potential, then this podcast is for you.  The Apricot Oak Podcast is created to inspire you in your faith and encourage you to grow beyond your personal struggles. I’m Rachel, I am a woman of faith, a wife, mom, sister, and friend.  My training is in Marriage and Family Therapy, with a specialization in treating trauma.  My hope is to serve you through this podcast to provide you tools to grow beyond your pain and into a fulfilling life.  We’ll delve into topics on mental health, faith, Jesus, and discovering treasure in life’s challenges.  You’ll experience inspiring stories from guests who have persevered through personal pain and emerged stronger, living out their purpose with resilience. Life often presents us with moments of brokenness and pain, yet it’s remarkable how we can find growth in those very places. Join me as we move through life’s challenges and lean into our purpose and destiny so we can flourish in life.

ABOUT TODAY'S EPISODE: Hi, I'm Rachel! I want to share with you a few things you may not know about me, how Apricot Oak came about, and how this podcast will improve your mental health in order to live a life of joy, peace, and fulfillment. Check out the ways you can connect with me below. CONNECT WITH RACHEL: Thank you for rating, reviewing and sharing the show on social media, this makes such an enormous difference on the reach of this podcast!   Follow and tag me on my NEW Instagram @apricotoakpodcast or Share when you’re listening to a show!   I love seeing your posts!   Also if you’d like to support the show, you can do so: Share the podcast with a friend Rate and review wherever you listen Share on social media Make sure you're subscribed!