PODCAST · society
At a Total Loss
by Katherine Lazar
We’ve all had moments that leave us at a total loss — for words, for direction, for what comes next. For me, that moment came when my baby died at 37 weeks. I know firsthand what it feels like to have the world stop and to wonder if you’ll ever find a way forward again.Sometimes it’s the death of someone you love. Sometimes it’s heartbreak, illness, trauma, or failure. But being “at a total loss” isn’t where the story ends.This podcast is about what happens after the unthinkable. Each week, host Katherine Lazar sits down with people who have faced life’s hardest blows and asks the real questions: How did you survive? What did it take to keep going? And how did you find a way to thrive again?Because the truth is, we don’t survive these moments alone. It’s in the stories we share and the community we build that we find the strength to keep going.Raw, unfiltered, and sometimes even funny, At a Total Loss is here to remind you: whatever’s left you speechless, you’re not alone — and the
Episodes
-
More Loss, More Grief, Still Here
I’m opening up about the reality of pregnancy after loss, the cesarean scar ectopic pregnancy that led to emergency surgery, and the quieter work of figuring out how to keep living when grief keeps reopening old wounds. In this episode, I talk through what happened this summer—from the first...
-
Moving is weird after loss
Podcast is moving to YouTube! Don't worry, all episodes up until now will still be available on Spotify and Apple. But moving forward, our home will be on YouTube @thekatherinelazar where I'll be sharing more videos, insight, and content around life after stillbirth. In this episode I talk about:...
-
What I Learned From My Miscarriage After Stillbirth
There was a time when I thought surviving a stillbirth meant I had already lived through the worst thing imaginable. Then I miscarried. In this episode, I'm sharing what I learned from experiencing a miscarriage after stillbirth—and why it challenged so much of what I thought I knew about grief,...
-
Overprotective vs Aware After Loss
I hate when people say we are "Overprotective"...No, that's not it. We are SUPER AWARE of what can happen. This means we know the potential outcomes, we take necessary steps to prevent, we know what we can control and what we can't, we have a plan in place if something bad happens, we are no…
more -
Healing is Not Betrayal
WE'RE BACK! omg i'm sorry y'all, life has been lifing! The book launched, my living son turned 3, we are showing our house to sell it, we are trying to expand out family, and i'm just living the grief dream! But I accidentally put the podcast aside, and I didn't even mean to...But it's back and...
-
Jenny: What Joey Taught Me
In this deeply moving episode, I sit down with Jenny Kim as she shares the unimaginable story of losing her sweet son, Joey, at just six months old in a tragic accident in 2022. Jenny opens up about the devastating pain of child loss, the shock and trauma that followed, and the questions that can...
-
Losing Two Sweet Babies: What Lindsey Wants Other Moms to Know
In this episode, I sit down with Lindsey, who has experienced the heartbreaking loss of two of her sweet babies. We talk about the unfortunate care she received in the hospital, the regrets she has carried, and how those experiences have shaped her mission to help other mamas in need. We also…
more -
Accepting the Gifts From Our Babies
In this solo episode, I’m talking about something that can feel complicated in grief… the gifts our babies leave us with. And no—I don’t mean anything that takes away from the pain or tries to “silver line” their loss. I mean the real, undeniable ways they’ve changed us. For a long time, I only...
-
Marcela: Stillbirth, Grief, PAL & Supporting Other Loss Moms
In this episode, I sit down with Marcela, a loss mom from South Florida whose first and only child, Alesandra, was stillborn two years ago. Since that devastating loss, Marcela has been on a journey to find answers, rebuild trust in her medical care, and navigate life after unimaginable grief....
-
Alissa: 8 Years Later
In this episode, Alissa returns to the podcast to share what life looks like 8 years after her daughter Anna was stillborn. If you want her full story, go back and listen to Episode #52 — we recorded that one 2.5 years ago, and hearing the evolution between then and now is powerful. We talk...
-
Loss Mom Questions Answered
In this episode, I’m answering your questions — the real ones. The ones you sent me quietly on Instagram. The ones that sit heavy in your chest at 2am. We’re talking about: – Have I actually found joy again… without constantly thinking my baby should be here? – How to handle not getting grace…
more -
A Fantastic Mess
In this episode, I talk about the most fantastic mess that is life after stillbirth. This is emotional whiplash at its finest... Loss mamas are out here doing the damn thing every single day—showing up, parenting, working, laughing—and still grieving, spiraling, and holding a whole lot beneath…
more -
The Misfits of Grief
In this episode, I talk about the part of grief that doesn’t fit the mold—the way loss makes you different, and how few people truly understand the way we navigate the world afterward. There’s an unexpected empowerment that comes from owning that difference. From letting go of how grief should...
-
God, Attitude & Anxiety After Loss
In this episode, I talk openly about God after the death of my son, Brody—what my faith looks like now, what it doesn’t, and how it has changed in ways I never expected. I share my honest thoughts, doubts, anger, comfort, and the quiet moments where belief feels complicated but still present. I...
-
"The Dig Out"
Tis a new year my friends and honestly, it's the same shit. In this episode, I get super vulnerable you guys. I even go a little Tony Robbins on ya... I will say I'm super proud of myself for what I did in 2025 when it came to my health and wellness. I went IN trying to get my physical health and...
-
Loss Mama Life: then vs now
Carter's mama, Amy and I, first recorded 3.5 years ago, not long after we both lost our sons. At the time, we were still deep in survival mode—learning how to breathe, how to exist, how to live in a world that had permanently changed. In this episode, we come back together to talk about life now....
-
Your Loss Mama Besties
This episode is for every loss mama — whether you’re in the first impossible weeks or years down the road trying to make sense of this new life. I brought on two other loss mamas Terra's mom, Andrea (@grievinglikeamother and Juniper's mom, Amanda (@orangeafmama) and we just… talked. No scripts…
more -
Birthday Reflections & Real Talk
It’s my birthday — the fourth one since losing Brody — and this episode is as raw and real as it gets. I’m unpacking what birthdays feel like after loss, how healing actually looks in year four, and what life is like right now: therapy, hospital stays with my living son, and the everyday chaos…
more -
Evermore Adoption Consultants
In this episode, I sit down with the founder of Evermore Adoption Consultants, Kristin Van Hoff, a birth mother whose own adoption story inspired her to build something extraordinary. Out of her personal experience came a mission rooted in love, integrity, and the belief that every family…
more -
Gabriela Rosa: Fertility Specialist
Gabriela Rosa, DrPH (Candidate, Harvard), is a Harvard-awarded fertility specialist, founder of The Rosa Institute, and author of Fertility Breakthrough: Overcoming Infertility and Recurrent Miscarriage When Other Treatments Have Failed. She pioneered telehealth-based integrative fertility care,...
-
October Talk
It's me hi, and I'm going in on a bunch of different topics! I had you submit them and I speak real talk on all of them... Firstly, wtf October 15th. How was it that this day was on total steroids. Like, so many companies posting about baby loss and it's just weird. Then I go into PAL, navigating...
-
Alexandra & Wells part 2
In this episode, Alexandra shares how her company, Alexandra & Wells, came to life out of love and loss. Together, we reflect on how our grief has evolved over the years and how motherhood—five years after loss—continues to take on new meaning. We talk about the reality of running a “grief...
-
Alexandra & Wells Part 1
Alexandra is the founder of the clothing brand Alexandra & Wells, created in honor of her son, Wells, who tragically passed away in 2019 due to a negligent labor and delivery. In this deeply emotional episode, Alexandra shares Wells’ story publicly for the first time, along with the legal battle...
-
The Kaiden Paul Foundation
Emilie is a mother to three boys: two on earth, one in heaven. Her identical twin boys were born - one sleeping, one living - on July 1, 2024 via emergency c-section due to spontaneous Twin Anemia Polycythemia Sequence (TAPS). She & her husband founded The Kaiden Paul Foundation to raise…
more -
A Touch of Teddy
Teddy’s mama, Elizabeth, started A Touch of Teddy 501(c)3 in 2023 in his memory, with a mission to send free teddy bear ornaments to pregnancy & infant loss families during the month of October. In this episode we discuss her passion for continuing her son's name by pouring her pain into helping...
-
Lara: Losing Malek & Finding Answers
In this episode, my ATL Loss Mama friend, Lara, tells us about her sweet 1st son Malek who passed at 28 weeks. She has since had her 2nd son Sami who is turning 1. Lara has a rare autoimmune disorder which could possibly play a part in her pregnancies. However, there just isn't much research or...
-
Lexi: Leaning into the Pain
After losing her first daughter Lily at birth, Lexi set out to feel it all. To her it was important for her to lean into her pain, her grief, and her motherhood to a baby no longer here. Lexi poured herself into her poetry, that she self published as a way to connect with Lily as well as take…
more -
Loss Life Lately
I'm on the mic to discuss what's been goin on in this sh*t show. I'm all over the place with my iced coffee and ketamine stories and punching the air and the fine line between crazy and not giving af and all the lessons I've learned in the last couple weeks. I hope this makes you feel less alone…
more -
Elle: Triplet Loss Mom & Therapist
Elle is mama to her triplets in the stars, Noah, Eden & Hudson who were born severely prematurely in June 2021. Since then she has had their little brother, Sonny born in 2023. Elle is a successful therapist for loss mamas, pregnancy after loss and parenting after loss mamas. She is the epitome…
more -
Kate: Grief & Beauty after infant loss
In this episode I speak to my girl Kate, her precious son, Cameron James Miranda was born May 4, 2022. He spent 9 days at home before being diagnosed with Enterovirus Myocarditis. He fought for 4 months in the CVICU. Cameron may not physically be here but over the past almost 3 years, her family...
-
Emmy: Coping & Hoping After Stillbirth
Emmy is the mother of Layla, who was stillborn at 39 weeks in November 2022. She finds comfort and copes with her pain through taking care of her home and helping others find healing as well. Although it feels like it in the beginning, she believes baby loss is not the end. The best thing we can…
more -
She's back on her BS
I'm back and with a mini "rebrand"...At a Total Loss is now Living the Loss Life because well, that's what I'm doing every single day and I'm here to share it with you. When I first hit record, I was drowning. I had just lost Brody only 4 months prior. I was raw, wrecked, and trying to survive…
more -
Anna & Kent Thalman: Filmmakers
Anna and Kent are Atlanta Loss Parents whose son Seth was born and passed away on September 28, 2021. The film is screening this Saturday here in Atlanta and then soon nationwide at select theaters. Official Website: https://www.invisiblemansion.com/rideinparadise Trailer:...
-
How Perfectionism Makes Grief Harder
Rio Richards, Grief & Trauma Recovery Therapist, is BACK to discuss all things grief. She opens up about what she struggles with after losing her father 4 years ago. We specifically talk about the 8 Ways That Perfectionism Makes Grieving Harder founded on an Instagram post that she made. Here's...
-
January 87, 2025
This is the 87th day of January and we are still doin the damn thing. I get on the mic to talk about the latest and greatest in loss life... Here's what I talk about: This being the longest month ever and my one resolution has failed The absolute anger that comes with baby loss Being a *good*...
-
Mason Sawyer
Mason of the 10ninety Podcast was the guest speaker at our 2025 raised By angels Charity Gala this past weekend. On July 25, 2021, Mason’s life changed forever when he lost his wife Kortni, son Riggins, and daughter Franki in a devastating car accident. He also lost his older brother, Race, and…
more -
New Year, Same Sh*t
Hey everyone! I'm on the mic just yappin away, it's fun for me. I talk about this new year and how literally nothing is going to change (resolutions are dumb after your baby dies). I also have some crazy random story that happened to me that I'm still shocked about. I'm your biggest hype girl so...
-
Dr Joanne Cacciatore- Grief Doctor
This is one of THE most powerfully inspiring episodes I've done to date. PLEASE, if you are a loss parent and even if you are not, listen to this episode....Dr. Joanne Cacciatore is a bereaved mother to her daughter Cheyenne born still 30 years ago. She is also the founder of the MISS Foundation,...
-
Tallia: Loss Mama & Life Coach
Tallia Deljou is a fellow loss mom and life coach specializing in healing emotional wounds. Her loss journey includes 2 recurrent miscarriages followed by the loss of her son Araam, who was born prematurely at 22 weeks and 3 days and joined us earth side for 15 hours. She takes a gentle and...
-
100th Episode!
Liz from Episode 1 is back to check in about where she is 2 years after our first recording ( I cannot believe it!) At the time, I was 6 months out from losing Brody and Liz was 9 months out from losing her Harrison. We talk about anger, and owning our grief, how it's managed now, and how we've...
-
Maila's Present
Helena's beloved daughter, Maila, was born still at 36 weeks and 5 days on December 29th, 2022 despite being in "perfect health" during her pregnancy. She is the inspiration behind creating personalized baby loss keepsake books because babies like Maila deserve to be remembered. Maila’s Presents...
-
Holidays After Loss
*Recoded prior to Halloween*...Holidays after baby loss are so weird. I'll also share insight from other mamas on how they've dealt in the past and the advice they have moving forward. Ways to honor our babies will also be shared as this is a huge struggle, especially in the beginning. Here's…
more -
Rio Richards | Grief & Trauma Recovery Therapist
Rio is a psychotherapist and grief integration coach, specializing in helping individuals and couples navigate the profound and complex journey of loss and trauma. With a somatic and psychodynamic lens, Rio helps clients heal and rebuild using both the power of the mind and body for long-term...
-
Jillian + Lorenzo
Jillian is the founder of Courage in Time Inc., a nonprofit supporting families who have experienced stillbirth and infant loss through curated bereavement boxes, grief and postpartum resources, and connection to other bereaved families. She established this courageous space after her son Lorenzo...
-
Lyndsay + Kove
I chat with Lyndsay about her precious second son, Kove, who was born still at 37 weeks just a little over a year ago. That is when her grief and baby loss journey began. Since then she has started Kove's Keeper, a bereavement care package for parents suffering stillbirth & infant loss in the…
more -
Count the Kicks/Healthy Birth Day
Kimberly Isburg, Communications Manager for Count the Kicks and Healthy Birth Day, joins me to discuss the importance of tracking fetal movement and the mission that she is on with her team to make preventable stillbirth a thing of the past. I of course chime in with my own personal experiences...
-
Triggers, Spirals & Complaining
I break down 3 popular topics after baby loss. What triggers us & how we react to it The grief spirals that come out of nowhere & how they are not setbacks Having zero tolerance for others complaining Y'all talk to me about these things ALL the time on instagram and I'm diving in to explain my...
-
Catherine: Incompetent Cervix, Placental Abruption & DIC
Catherine is the mother to her TWO angel babies, Brooklyn (11/29/16) and Miles (12/7/17 - 12/14/17) and her now miracle baby, Lux. Catherine's experiences have covered a range of "rare" circumstances. We discuss ALL of it. She has faced an incompetent cervix, placental abruption, disseminated...
-
Anxiety During PAL
I tackle THE most requested topic from my followers "how do handle anxiety during pregnancy after loss". So I polled and here I read off all the things y'all sent to me regarding this topic. You will hear be reading so if watching it helps, go to my At a Total Loss Youtube page :)...Here is what…
more -
PAL Birth Plan
Amanda, Junie's Mama, comes on to talk about getting your Pregnancy After Loss (PAL) Birth Plan together. Juniper was born still at 38 weeks due to an undiagnosed small placenta (if you want to hear the whole story, find the episode 'Amanda + Juniper'). Since then, Amanda has been a huge advocate...
We're indexing this podcast's transcripts for the first time — this can take a minute or two. We'll show results as soon as they're ready.
No matches for "" in this podcast's transcripts.
No topics indexed yet for this podcast.
Loading reviews...
ABOUT THIS SHOW
We’ve all had moments that leave us at a total loss — for words, for direction, for what comes next. For me, that moment came when my baby died at 37 weeks. I know firsthand what it feels like to have the world stop and to wonder if you’ll ever find a way forward again.Sometimes it’s the death of someone you love. Sometimes it’s heartbreak, illness, trauma, or failure. But being “at a total loss” isn’t where the story ends.This podcast is about what happens after the unthinkable. Each week, host Katherine Lazar sits down with people who have faced life’s hardest blows and asks the real questions: How did you survive? What did it take to keep going? And how did you find a way to thrive again?Because the truth is, we don’t survive these moments alone. It’s in the stories we share and the community we build that we find the strength to keep going.Raw, unfiltered, and sometimes even funny, At a Total Loss is here to remind you: whatever’s left you speechless, you’re not alone — and the
HOSTED BY
Katherine Lazar
Loading similar podcasts...
Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does At a Total Loss have?
At a Total Loss currently has 140 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is At a Total Loss about?
We’ve all had moments that leave us at a total loss — for words, for direction, for what comes next. For me, that moment came when my baby died at 37 weeks. I know firsthand what it feels like to have the world stop and to wonder if you’ll ever find a way forward again.Sometimes it’s the death of...
How often does At a Total Loss release new episodes?
At a Total Loss publishes regularly with 140 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to At a Total Loss?
You can listen to At a Total Loss on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts At a Total Loss?
At a Total Loss is created and hosted by Katherine Lazar.
URL copied to clipboard!