PODCAST · society
#AutisticAF Out Loud
by Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû)
One Voice... Raw. Real. Fiercely Autistic. johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com
Episodes
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For This Autistic Elder, School Was a F***ing Job
School is a job. School is just pre-training for working for the Man. School is a job.Kids clock in at 3. They never clock out. Not even on social security. The Man reminds you who’s boss.Monthly check by monthly check.And like any check… Ya gotta work to keep it. Retirement’s a fucking job, too....
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Autistic Noir: They Called It "Immaturity." They Missed Every Red Flag
Cold open Welcome to the Treatment Funhouse… First room. Guy in a jumpsuit, “We gotta strap ya in.” He waves at a chair. “Safety,” he says in a bored voice. So you sit. You really want… something… different in your miserable life. [Brief music] Suddenly he snaps manacles on your wrists. Then…
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When "Kind" Words… Hurt: An Autistic Elder on Microaggressions
I’m writing a memoir… out loud. Building a book. Fragment by fragment. Just like I lived it. I told a small, self-deprecating… white lie. To get out of committing to volunteering for a new project. My bad. You see? I had history with this person. Co-founder of an advocacy nonprofit. Small....
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Family, God & Vodka Neat...? My Autistic Elder’s Truth
A comet, a cult, an ice storm, a family dinner... and a disastrous drinking game. Winter, 1997-98. One autistic elder's truth about faith, control, and what it costs to survive your own family. ⚠️ Content note: offensive language, substance use, religious criticism, mental health themes, cult...
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7 Autistic Decades. I'm Still Driven. What If I NEVER Get “There...”?
Still driven to matter. Desperately. Almost 73. And I can’t unwind… busted springs, broken dancer in a jewel box. This piece isn’t an answer. It’s an accusation. And underneath? A terrified question I can’t stop asking. Is listening more your thing? Hit the play icon ▶️ on the player above. Or…
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Autistic in a Sea of Faceless Ghosts… I Still Want to Remember You
Note to long-time subscribers: You’re seeing this one again cuz I’ve given the original video a serious makeover. Then tucked it into a small archive of live spoken word pieces, for the newer folks these raw pieces brought to our strange little corner of the internet. _____ Someone wrote me…
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This Autistic Elder Looks Back… without Shame
If you’re drawn to the raw experience born of neurodivergence, disability, trauma… or just honest storytelling that doesn’t sanitize the hard parts… Maybe this one’s for you. With full transcript, video, original artwork. Family leaves marks on you. Some visible, some not. Hell, just...
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On Autistic Burnout: "Believe I'll Ch-Ch-Change... My Shirt"
Intro Someone said an average writer “borrows.” The other kinds, both kinds... steal out right. Bowie, Robert Johnson, Marvin Gaye. I owe you guys one for this. Believe I’ll Ch-Ch-Change… My Shirt. Sunlight cracks my window, Gotta be midday. Kick myself a pathway Just to pee into the bowl. Like a...
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"every clock is a handgun pointed at my head"
Full Spoken Word Transcript My time, it can’t be measured. Not a dimension. It’s a force. A violent force. every clock is a handgun pointed at my head III Every clock is a handgun pointed at my headEvery tick, tick… fucking tickTolling Fear, Doom… dreadClick. Slide. Cock… click. Every night a...
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Autistic Elder on this Moment...? “Slouching toward Montauk”
Intro My grandfather was a… complex man.He slept beside an orderly nightstand.Tucking Mein Kampf tightIn its tidy drawer every night. And… He used to take me sailing. {Silence} Is listening more your thing? Hit the headphone icon 🎧 on the player at top. Or pick your app: Apple, Spotify…
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Friends, Grief & Autism…? They say we have no feelings…
Friends, Grief & Autism…? They say we have no feelings… They say autistics don't have emotions. Don't make friends. Clue, I ain't Spock. This is "My Friend Billy." A spoken word piece about grief, friendship, and what they never tell you about our autistic hearts. From my Amazon chapbook "every...
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Family, School, Work? They created this autistic bad@$$.
Where does my autistic rage come from? Not from being born wrong. From being raised, schooled, mocked, trained, therapped, and medicated into it. This is about the source. The ones who created what they blamed us for. No apologies, no redemption arc—just the accusation. Content note: Strong...
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Like Some Angel with a Dislocated Shoulder: Song for My Autistic Son
A father’s reflection on parental regret, missed connections, and what it means to forget the life you didn’t live. Raw spoken word + visual art. No hidden meanings. No inspiration. Just what it’s like 👉More poetry: “Live Autistic Truth” playlist (link below) 👉 Full collection: “every clock is…
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Family is complex for me. Autistic + ADHD... but Shameless.
A spoken word piece about family wounds, estrangement, and choosing to live unapologetically. From Elvis dying on Mount Marcy to stalking Death Valley stars—this is what shameless looks like when you stop trying to be the son they ordered. 👉 Gift Season Special: “every clock is a handgun pointed...
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Trump Brings Gaza War Crimes Home to US Autistics
Trump brings Gaza war crimes home to US autistics. Using starvation to subjugate people is a war crime, whether at the point of a gun or denying SNAP benefits. November 1st, SNAP halted. Healthcare funding threatened. Social Security could vanish, Trump warns. 42 million Americans face losing…
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LIVESTREAM: Trump Brings Gaza War Crimes Home to US Autistics
Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. Show notes and transcript up tomorrow, 11/3. #AutisticAF Out Loud Newsletter is a reader-supported publication. Click to receive new posts… free. To support my work, please consider a paid subscription....
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My Autism? Failing Upward to Burn Out? Or Succeeding Downward to...
My autism? Failing upward toward collapse, succeeding downward toward joy? What if you weren't born to produce anything? 👉 New Chapbook: "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" → https://www.amazon.com/every-clock-handgun-pointed-head-ebook/dp/B0FNLHC6SY 👉 Start Here: Live Autistic Truth...
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RFKjr, Tylenol... Autism? Facts Ain't the Point
RFK Jr.’s autism claims aren’t about helping anyone—they’re about deciding who gets to exist in America. 👉 New Chapbook: “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head” - https://www.amazon.com/every-clock-handgun-pointed-head-ebook/dp/B0FNLHC6SY 👉 Start Here: Live Autistic Truth playlist 👉 Full...
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I saw... "Trump Disbands Congress." The Autistic Implications
👉 Check out Trigger Warnings playlist More analysis on how world events impact neurodivergent lives and practical resistance strategies. I just saw Trump disbands Congress. For all intents and purposes, the US government isn’t just shut down—Trump has effectively rendered Congress useless and...
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LIVE: Urgent Trigger Warnings, Plus RFKjr & Autism…
Thank you to everyone who tuned into my live video! Join me for my next live video in the app. Trigger Warnings: Trump Disbands Congress Sources:Democracy Now! democracynow.org/2025/10/8/adel… “Scary Precedent”: GOP Blocks Rep.-Elect Adelita Grijalva from Taking Seat Amid Epstein Files Fight...
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That Autism Superpower Thing... Let's Blow the Whole F-&%ing Myth Up
👉A live reading from the Amazon book, “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head.” What You’re About To Watch A quick, sharp destruction of the “autism as superpower” narrative that’s everywhere in neurodivergent spaces. No superpowers. No kryptonite. Just the messy, explosive, delightful...
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Live Autistic Truth: "sneaking my mother's creepy g-d on high"
Intro But I ain't going to lie, this next one's rough and long and complex. Plain spoken in its own way, but complex. It may not need a TS Elliott-pretentious kind of footnote, but I try to intertwine family, control, and religion and very real events from my winter of '97-'98. And just for you...
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What They Didn’t Tell Me About My Autistic Body… That Remembers Everything
Content Note: Sexual abuse, family trauma, therapy processing, strong language, intense emotional content Video Summary This live piece cuts to the bone of what trauma recovery actually looks like. When your brain works differently. And your body never forgets. What happens when you finally see...
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Live Autistic Truth: "Dancing Close to the Edge of the Noise"
👉 Subscribe… free or paid… to Substack, get a free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection.👉 Support my work → Available as Amazon ebook or softcover. Exclusive hardcover edition coming soon. Content Note: Strong language, neurodivergent struggles…
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Live Autistic Truth: "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head"
Free Resources & Purchase Links 👉 Subscribe… free or paid… to Substack, geta free PDF of the entire "every clock is a handgun pointed at my head" collection. 👉 Support my work → Available as Amazon ebook or softcover. Exclusive hardcover edition coming soon. Content Note: Strong language…
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Someone said this knocked them sideways
Someone wrote me: "These knocked me sideways... I spent so much time as an undiagnosed autistic girl, wondering if I was the alien dropped among the normies." This is "A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog." Living truth. Autistic style. 👉 VIDEO: A Swirl of Flesh-Colored Fog - 6:01 I can't see faces.…
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Autistic Family & Other Mysteries, Live Spoken Word, 8/31/25
Thanks to everyone who tuned in! Free or paid subscribers? Join me for my next live video in the app. Gonna be a Trigger Warnings kinda take on old men with their fingers on THE Button. This week… Here’s my speaking script from this live performance. Close to a transcript, but I changed a few…
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Live Spoken Word, "every clock is a handgun" — s05e07
👉 YouTube Video of this live spoken word performance 👉 “every clock is a handgun pointed at my head,” Amazon book & ebook Cold Open I feel like a brilliant creative soul as if… trapped in a damaged body & neurology trying to communicate with the world through an intermittently short-circuiting...
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Trigger Warnings 2: Not Everything's Funny: Colbert, Trump .. & Hiroshima
Cold Open I just heard the duly-elected President of these United States... Donald J. Trump... brag about dropping the atom bomb. On Hiroshima. My god. Steven Colbert? Jon Stewart...? Once, these guys were subversive... were daring. But... But with troops still in the California streets and...
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Doc, You Got Us All Wrong, Pts 1 & 2
Cold Open You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"… But missing the whole damn forest we know locally as "Survival." [Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience] Intro You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real....
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Doc, You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 2: CBT...? Never Worked for Autistic Me
Cold Open CBT…? Never worked for autistic me. So, look, we KNOW masking doesn't work. Or FEAR. Or PAIN. We’re dying from them already. That's all the words we need. [Music] Intro You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953. Season 5, Episode…
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Doc? You Got Us All Wrong, Pt 1: Autistic Resilience
Cold Open You wanna pathologize me? Knock yerself out. Faithfully counting every leaf marked "deficit"… But missing the whole damn forest we know locally as "Survival." Intro You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953. Season 5, Episode 5....
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I need to talk with you about events beyond autism today
Cold Open [into silence] Friend, I haven't done this before. Usually I talk autism & neurodiversity with you. But I'm very concerned about events unfolding this weekend... I've seen these patterns emerge before. In other countries. Authoritarian countries¹. I have no plan of action to suggest.…
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Living Autistic in Dangerous Times: Trump Labels 1 in 4 Families “Dire Threat”
Cold Open (into silence) You love Dune? Like me? Frank Herbert is dead... wrong. Fear is NOT the mind-killer. Denial is. [Music ] Intro You're listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953. Season 5, Episode 5. Attacks on neurodivergence, facing our...
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Autism, Neurodiversity, 3 Poems... 3 Rando Manifestos
Cold Open I was not born to be pitied. I was born to raise Hell. Autistic style. Intro You’re listening to AutisticAF Out Loud. One voice. Raw. Real. Fiercely Neurodivergent. Since 1953. Season 5, Episode 4. Breaking mirrors, dancing at the edge of noise, raising autistic hell. Autism,...
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Autistic Spoken Word: Every Clock Is a Handgun
Full podcast with links to available poster artwork: https://johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com/p/podcast-every-clock-is-a-handgun-2ee Sensory-Friendly Discussion & Summary: https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/30720fb4-dab4-48b9-873f-90ec1ac03b88/audio Transcript: Autistic Spoken Word: Every…
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Podcast: Every Clock is a Handgun in My Autistic Time
Hey! I’m Johnny Profane… back after a 6-month bout of the "shys" to launch Season 5 of AutisticAF Out Loud. Missed you guys… But I'm here now, at least for the moment... Let's do something great with that moment, shall we? This seems like the perfect occasion to talk about Time… and how it…
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One Autistic Voice: Escapin Up The Country
An Example of Exclusive Subscriber Content… Raw, Real, Authentic. I’m letting my one austic voice do all the talking this time. I kinda like that. AutisticAF Out Loud - One Autistic Voice. Hmm… Here’s my first thank you. My first real attempt at being live on camera. It’s an autistic thing. No...
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Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Unique Neurodivergent Ass… s4e3
Shattering Neurodivergent Stereotypes: A Raw Dialogue for Tomorrow's Generations Description: Embark on a transformative journey with Johnny Profane in this compelling episode of AutisticAF Out Loud, titled "Actually Autistic? Whatever Doesn't Kill Your Unique Neurodivergent Ass…". This...
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Autism? It's a State of Being. NOT an Identity Group, s4e2
Autistic Authenticity: Navigating Identity and Community Description: Dive into a candid conversation on AutisticAF Out Loud, where we tackle the often blurred lines between being autistic, belonging to identity groups, and maintaining personal integrity. "Autism? It's a State of Being. NOT an...
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Slouching Toward Joy: My Best 6 Phases To An Actually Autistic Relief, s4e1
Embracing Autism's Raw Truths in My 70s Description: Dive deep with Johnny Profane into a journey unlike any other—a raw, unfiltered exploration of living with autism discovered later in life. This episode peels back the layers of daily life, challenges, and the unexpected joys found in the...
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The Night this Autistic Adult Broke Free: An Autistic A.F. Halloween Tale, s3e8
###🎙️ Unmasking at the Late Night Picture Show: One Autistic's Reckoning * One night that demolished a lifetime of conformity * One bodacious shift... from meditation cult to liberated living * One tale of indulgence, rebellion & the embrace of an #autistic identity 👉 Click to witness the...
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Homeless & Autistic...? Pt 2 - Theo Schools Me in Actually Autistic Joy s3e7
🎙️ Episode Highlights: The Myth of "You Can Do Anything": An Autistic Lens (Must-listen for adult autistics) The Hidden Costs of Conventional Education on Autistic Lives (Essential for educators) Curious? Keep listening. 👂 Listen and Learn: Step into the intricate world of autistic experiences,...
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Homeless & Autistic? Theo Taught Me Actually Autistic Joy in School s3E6
🎙️ Inside This Episode: • The Hidden World of Theo, a Homeless Autistic... Scholar • Privilege vs. Failure: An Autistic Perspective • The Raw Essence of Autistic Joy ❓Curious? Keep listening to uncover these hidden gems. 🌈 Why You Need to Listen: Step into a realm where societal norms crumble,...
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This Autistic’s Fantasy: So, He Asks about My History… What I told My Doctor, s3e5
Perfectionism ain’t working for me… maybe not for Autistic AF dot you, either. So here’s something, shall we say, a little “rawer” than my usual /rant… Trascript: https://autisticaf.me/2023/09/29/this-autistics-fantasy-so-he-asks-about-my-history-what-i-told-my-doctor/ #AutisticAF Out Loud…
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“Calm Down!” Why is this the WORST Advice You Can Give an Autistic Person?”
Ever been told to ‘calm down’? How’d it feel? Well, this autistic feels like exploding! :https://autisticaf.me/2023/08/26/calm-down-why-is-this-the-worst-advice-you-can-give-an-autistic-person/ #AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3e Spotify...
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"Neurodivergent Kiss: Autistic Fairytale... Or Fabulous Marriage?"
Folks ask about my #neurodivergent marriage. Umm… over and over. Like… “Is that even possible?” Gotta story for ya… Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/2023/08/18/neurodivergent-kiss-autistic-fairytale-or-fabulous-marriage/ #AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple…
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Authentic Autistic Life: 4 Short Stories Fearless, Joyful and Chaotic, s3e2
Season 3's mission? To boldly explore living authentically autistic... out loud. That first story? Carving out a safe space to be our true autistic selves... a big part of that quest. Support the show --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/autisticaf/message This is…
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Love, Politics & Faking Normal: 3 New Autistic Myths s03e01
Season 3 of AutisticAF Out Loud starts off with 3 new stories: 1. Living Unmasked Is a Political Act 2. Autism, Love & My Friend Billy: A New Epic Myth 3. Faking Normal: How I Mask My Writing Disorder... to Bring You Autistic Joy Transcript:...
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#AutisticRave: Group Processing Disorder. It's a Thing.
I'm autistic. And I can't DO social groups. I don't think I'm alone. So, I'm launching a hashtag. #GroupProcessingDisorder. Transcript: https://autisticaf.me/ #AutisticAF Out Loud Podcast Listen & Subscribe: Apple https://neon.ly/mDd3e Spotify https://neon.ly/p1Vay Audible https://neon.ly/vkXa1...
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does #AutisticAF Out Loud have?
#AutisticAF Out Loud currently has 75 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is #AutisticAF Out Loud about?
One Voice... Raw. Real. Fiercely Autistic. johnnyprofaneknapp.substack.com
How often does #AutisticAF Out Loud release new episodes?
#AutisticAF Out Loud has 75 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to #AutisticAF Out Loud?
You can listen to #AutisticAF Out Loud on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts #AutisticAF Out Loud?
#AutisticAF Out Loud is created and hosted by Johnny Profane (Knapp Âû).
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