Sex in Real Life with Stacey Herrera

Sometimes old relationships linger in our nervous system. We brace for disappointment, questioning generosity, or waiting for new love to come with a list of conditions. In this episode, Stacey explores how past relationships shape the way we receive love in the present. And the shadows they cast long after they're over.     🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Sometimes exes come back into your life because they missed you. But there are times when they return because their life unraveled without the structure you provided..   In this episode, Stacey explores the difference between reconciliation and retreat. Between love and survival instinct. Knowing the difference can change everything.       🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Most of us really believe we want honesty. But do we want the truth? Or do we just want to be agreed with? In this episode, Stacey digs into the difference between honesty and the curated version many of us seek. And why it's essential to recognize the difference.     🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

What happens when a married man logs onto a dating app looking for sex, only to discover he's in search of something else? In this episode, Stacey recounts a six-hour phone call with a stranger that unexpectedly delves into the nuance of intimacy. Sometimes what we think we want hides what we really need.     🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

What if the sex you used to have wasn't better? Maybe it was just newer. In this episode, Stacey explores why so many people measure their current sex life against a memory. And why memories are often more myth than reality. Nostalgia has a way of retaining the heat. It chucks everything else.     🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Sometimes sexual frustration has nothing to do with sex. It's not about frequency, chemistry, or who's initiating. In this episode, Stacey explores how emotional disconnection shapes desire. And why relationships that look fine on the surface can still feel deeply unfulfilling. This isn't about technique. It's about asking an uncomfortable question. Are you actually sexually frustrated… or emotionally dissatisfied?     Mentioned in this episode: Emotional Intimacy Improves Sexual Satisfaction     🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Sometimes people cheat because they feel invisible to the person they're already with. It's not always about wanting someone new. In this episode, Stacey gets into why some affairs stem from a lack of fulfillment rather than lust. Drawing on her history as both the cheater and the cheated on, she breaks down the loneliness that thrives inside relationships that look completely fine on the surface. This isn't an excuse for breaking trust. It's about the harder question underneath it all. What are you actually hungry for?     Mentioned in this episode: The Contribution of Stressful Marital Interactions to Loneliness and Health across Mid-life and Later Adulthood AARP Survey: 40 Percent of Older Adults Are Lonely     🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

When people say they want to know you, they often mean they want to know the version of you that they are most comfortable with. In this episode, Stacey explores the gap between authenticity and comfort. What we reveal, what we hold back, and why intimacy often requires more friction than we're willing to tolerate. Because somewhere along the way, we learned that showing up fully was a risk not worth taking.     Mentioned in this episode: Ryan Dunlap - Former hostage negotiator and founder of Conflictish. Check him out on Instagram or YouTube Book: "How to Untie a Balloon" by Ryan Dunlap     🗳️ Suggest a topic for the show: https://bit.ly/sexirlpod-suggestion-box 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

There's an unspoken rule in most relationships. Romance goes to the top of the pile. Everything else gets what's left over.  In this episode, Stacey questions that.   What happens when one relationship has to be all the things? Should your romantic partner shoulder your needs, fears, desires, and dreams? And what does that do to your sex life?     Mentioned in this episode: Jerry Maguire (1996), directed by Cameron Crowe.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mindhttps://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

My father used to say, "Two broke people can't be happy." At 17, I thought that was the most unromantic thing I'd ever heard. Now I get it. Financial stress doesn't just affect your bank account. It might be the third wheel sabotaging your sex life. This episode explores the connection between financial stress, survival mode, and sexual desire.       Mentioned in this episode: https://ubiehealth.com/doctors-note/hormones-libido-cortisol-stress-secret-loss-87-low2e11  https://core.wisc.edu/2022/03/04/sexual-health-and-flourishing-negatively-affects-by-economic-constraints/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37082570/ https://scholarsarchive.byu.edu/facpub/2250/      💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Are you avoiding conversations about sex with your partner? You're not alone. Research shows people avoid talking about sex with their partners, even in long-term relationships. In this episode, Stacey gets into the habit of tolerating what doesn't work in bed, why we stay silent, and how that silence hollows out desire.  If you've ever waited for a moment to say something and let it pass, this one's for you.     Mentioned in this episode: https://www.paired.com/press/why-were-not-talking-about-sex https://www.marriage.com/advice/research/couples-survey-avoid-key-conversations/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9153093/     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

When you're the one who wants less sex, the conversation is almost never about you. It usually centers on the person who's not getting laid. Let's flip that. In this episode, Stacey gets into the weight of being the low libido partner, and everything that comes with that. Guilt. Shame. Embarrassment. Pressure. If you're the one not saying yes, this episode is about you. Finally.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

You love each other. You're both committed. But you're not having sex. Sexlessness in otherwise loving relationships is more common than you think. And it rarely comes down to one thing. In this episode, Stacey breaks down the most common reasons loving couples stop having sex. And why it's not always the end of the world or the relationship.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Why does sex become such a charged topic in long-term relationships?  Most of the time, you're not really fighting about frequency, desire, or who initiates. You're fighting about unmet emotional needs. Connection. Validation. Autonomy. Safety. Feeling wanted. When those needs aren't being met, sex becomes the battleground. And the conflict doesn't stay in the bedroom. In this episode, Stacey gets into what's really happening beneath the surface - and why asking "what is this really about?" changes everything.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

This week's episode is for people in long-term relationships who feel like they've lost that loving feeling. Whether you're married, partnered, cohabitating, living apart, long-distance, or right around the corner. That zing that you felt at the beginning feels nonexistent. Why? Because biology is like that. And people change. Who you were at 30 isn't who you are beyond 45. Priorities and values shift—life lifes.  Sometimes you can grow into something new together. Sometimes not.  This isn't a Rx for fixing. Just a real conversation about the reality of this experience.      💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

This week, we're talking about being better partners when your person doesn't have the bandwidth for sex. What it looks like to hold space without expectations. What it's not. How non-sexual touch builds intimacy and trust. And why both people get to have feelings—disappointment and exhaustion are both valid. When you can say no without being punished, you get to say yes from a place of authenticity.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

Autopilot is not a good thing in relationships. But that doesn't mean that monotony is the enemy. When you're on the routine hamster wheel of same place, same thing, it's hard to tell if you're bored with your partner or the script. But here's the thing, your brain loves automation. Efficiency makes its job easier. Trouble is, desire needs novelty to tap into aliveness. When sex becomes routine, you have a choice. You can make it mean "this relationship is broken." Or you can see it as an invitation. In this episode, Stacey talks about transforming monotony without reinventing the wheel. Most of the time, you don't need a complete overhaul. You just need a micro tweak.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ Ready to Transform Your Intimate Conversations? Get the free workbook 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

We plan for everything around surgery except sex. Time off work. Stocking the fridge. Help with the kids. Recovery logistics. We handle all of it. But what happens to your sex life during recovery? Nobody talks about that. Not with the doctor. Not with each other.  Sometimes bodies need repairs, especially after 40. The question isn't if… It's when.. And how will you handle it when it does?  In this episode, Stacey talks about navigating sex when you're in recovery mode. This isn't tips for "keeping the spark alive," but the reality of desire with nowhere to put it, and how to work through it together. In this episode: Managing expectations (what's realistic given the circumstances) How resentment builds when you don't talk about it Leading with grace and curiosity How to keep the sexual energy flowing when you can't do it Sex in real life sometimes looks like not having sex at all for a while. It doesn't mean your sex life is over. It means life is lifeing.       💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Why isn't setting sexual intentions a thing? You set goals for your career, health, finances, relationships. But your sex life? That's supposed to just... happen naturally? That's bullshit. Everything that matters requires intention. That includes your sex life. In this episode, Stacey walks you through how to set sexual intentions that actually mean something —not vague wishes, but real, specific intentions you can act on. In this episode: Why setting sexual intentions is a great idea Questions you should ask yourself Knowing what you control vs. what needs partner buy-in Pitfalls and ways you could f*ck it up Download the worksheet. Willing to share? Pop over to Substack. And share one of your intentions. Because when you say it out loud, even to strangers on the internet, it becomes more real.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

This is the final episode in our 6-part series on erectile dysfunction.  Over the past five weeks, we've talked about the weight, the mechanics, the conversations, what partners experience, and sex beyond erections. But we haven't talked about… wanting. One casualty of ED is desire. You stop letting yourself want. No fantasizing or anticipation. No imagining or longing. You disconnect from this part of yourself because wanting something you don't think you can have feels too painful. But when you disconnect from desire to protect yourself from disappointment, you don't just lose sex. You lose something essential —aliveness. In this episode, Stacey explores how to let yourself want again. In this episode: How shutting down sexual desire bleeds all over your life The difference between arousal and desire Gifting yourself permission to want  Desire in its most valid form is to "own the wanting." You don't need a body that works like it used to. You just need to let yourself feel again.       💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Most of us learned that sex = penetration. Everything else? Foreplay. Warmup. Extra. But that model is outdated, limiting, and honestly? It's been sidelining everyone's pleasure for way too long. But you should know that a soft penis is a functional penis. Soft penises can give pleasure and receive pleasure. And when you decentralize erections, a world of pleasure opens up. In this episode, Stacey gets explicit about what sex can look like when penetration isn't on the menu—not as a consolation prize, but as genuinely satisfying, delicious sex. In this episode: Why de-centering erections improves pleasure for all Shifting from goal-oriented to pleasure-oriented sex Delicious examples of what sex can look like with or without an erection This isn't settling. It's expansion. Next week: Part 6, the last episode in this series. Reclaiming desire and starting anew.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

This is Part 4 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. This week: the partner experience. When ED happens, all the attention goes to the person experiencing it. Pills, supplements, clinics—there's an entire industry ready to help. But if you're the partner? There's nothing. No marketing. No acknowledgment. Just an expectation to be supportive and not make it worse. Partners suffer too. And they're Googling in secret, trying to find answers to questions they don't know how to ask out loud. In this episode, Stacey digs into what partners are actually searching for, what they're feeling, and what they can do. If you're experiencing ED, this episode is for you, too, because understanding what your partner is going through changes everything. In this episode: The top 4 things partners Google about ED Why partners feel invisible when ED happens Questions to ask yourself if you're considering divorce What to actually say and do when ED is weighing your relationship down Next week: Part 5. Sex beyond erections. It's going to be explicit.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

This is Part 3 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. This week: the conversation. Less than 60% of men experiencing ED talk about it with their partners. That means more than half are keeping it to themselves—and silence creates distance. In this episode, Stacey shares two contrasting stories: one where pretending ruined the experience, and one where honesty created intimacy from the start. Then she breaks down how to actually have the conversation. In this episode: When and where to talk about ED (hint: not right after it happens) What to say and what not to say Expanding your definition of sex Talking about it won't fix the ED, but it takes the pressure off. But once you name it, you liberate yourself. Next week: Part 4. The partner experience and the questions they're secretly Googling.   Resources + References: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12152114/     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This is Part 2 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. This week, we're exploring the mechanics of erection. Many penis owners do not know how their body works below the belt. Not because they're uninformed, but because nobody ever taught them. So when erection challenges arise with no obvious explanation, it's easy to assume you're just broken. In this episode, Stacey breaks down how erections work and what interferes with the process—psychological, physical, and everything in between. In this episode: The physiology of erections (and why it's not as simple as it seems) The connection between psychological and physical ED What can interfere: cardiovascular issues, medications, nervous system, pelvic floor, and conditioning Understanding the mechanics isn't a fix, but it gives context. Because it's easier to work with things you understand. Next week: Part 3. How to talk about ED with your partner. Resources + References: https://youtu.be/52vH6gDUVI8?si=4sXtUCB5O9PrjC9R https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22000-pudendal-nerve https://www.webmd.com/men/what-is-corpora-cavernosa https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/medicine-and-dentistry/tunica-albuginea     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

This is Part 1 of a 6-part series on erectile dysfunction. Not the mechanics or the fixes —we'll get to that later. This episode is about the part nobody talks about… the emotional weight. In this episode, Stacey explores what it feels like to live in a body that's changed. The heartbreak and the inconvenience. The way masculinity gets hitched to erections.  In this episode: The pressure to maintain an erection 3 ED archetypes: pretenders, withdrawals, and searchers Why ED feels lonely despite billions of targeted ads How shame keeps men from speaking up   Resources + References: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5503428/  https://academic.oup.com/jsm/article-abstract/21/4/296/7614307     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/  

In this episode, Stacey explores the rejection stories we tell ourselves and how they affect our sex lives.  She shares a story about a boundary violation that turned cruel and breaks down why we make every 'no' about our worth. How do we separate someone's no from our self-worth? And how fear of rejection gets in the way of leaning in.     💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

You want to protect your kids from the pain. But you also don't want to lie to them. So do you tell them about the affair? Whether you stayed together or split, whether your kids are minors or adults, this question comes up.  There is no one right answer. In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey explores the complexity and nuance of deciding whether to tell your kids about infidelity.  Find out how to think it through. In this episode: The tension between protection and honesty—both instincts make sense Privacy vs. secrecy: one protects, the other hides what affects everyone Where your kids are at: their age, capacity, and whether they can (or want to) hold this truth Why this decision shouldn't be made alone if the relationship survived This one's messy. There are layers. But that's what makes it worth talking about.       📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

Last week, we discussed the penis owners' scorecard. This week, we're talking about vulva owners who perform pleasure. Moans that are a little too extra. Making that "feel good" face to make them feel good. And putting on a show, even when the sex is mediocre at best. Sounds like generosity, but smells like performance. In this episode, Stacey explores: Why managing someone else's feelings is actually manipulation How faking it cheats your partner out of a chance to get better (sex is a skill, not instinct) The hidden cost: they think they know you, but they don't—they only know the role you're playing What happens when nobody gets to see what's actually real for you   This one's for vulva owners and anyone carrying feminine energy. But if you've ever performed to keep the peace? It's for you too.       📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

If we had a nickel for every time someone with a penis said, "My partner's pleasure is the most important thing to me," we'd all be rich. Sounds noble. But most of the time, they mean: "I need them to get off so I can feel like I'm good in bed." In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey breaks down the difference between generosity as performance vs. presence. Making your partner's orgasm is your scorecard effs up the experience. In this episode: Why "Did you come?" is often about anxiety, not attention How ego-driven performance kills presence (and pleasure) The difference between "I need you to feel good" and "I want to be with you while you feel whatever you feel" What happens when both people are managing feelings instead of actually feeling This one's direct. And yes, we're mostly talking about people with penises. But it's really about anyone who's turned sex into a performance to avoid feeling like a bad lay.       📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind https://staceyherrera.com/how-to-give-amazing-head/

She's the one who remembers birthdays and keeps the group text alive. He's the guy who handles the money and fixes what's broken.  They look like opposite types, but they suffer the same affliction: performance instead of presence. In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey digs into how the roles we play (think: the selfless woman or the endlessly capable man) keep us hidden.  These archetypes don't just show up in our daily lives. They follow us into the bedroom. And when your personality becomes a performance, intimacy flatlines. In this conversation, we explore: How high-functioning roles kill real intimacy Why performing desire (or satisfaction) makes things worse What it actually takes to feel seen, known, and wanted One question that could shift everything Next week: Are you really serving your partner's pleasure? Or just your ego? It's gonna be spicy.         📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind  

A lot shifts after 40. Your tolerance for pretending disappears. That bottomless energy you used to have? Poof… gone. Suddenly, you're saying no to things that used to be an automatic yes (including sex). It's not selfishness. It's honesty. In this episode of Sex IRL, Stacey explores how to step into main character energy without shutting people out or burning everything down to the studs. Because showing up as your whole self gives intimacy a fighting chance. In this episode: Why fakeness feels intolerable after 40 How to say no to what you don't want while leaning into what you do Why "what's genuinely best for me is ultimately best for us" The magnetic pull of authenticity       📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook 📖 How to Give Amazing Head: 10 Easy Tips to Blow His Mind  

This is the inaugural episode of Sex IRL, a brand-new podcast from Stacey Herrera. If you've been listening to Love Is…, you'll notice the shift. Stacey explains why she's pivoting toward the topic she circles back to most: sex. But this isn't a show about techniques or tips—you can Google that.  Sex IRL is about the messy, funny, deeply human ways we reach for each other, and all the fears, silences, and cracked knees that come with it.  In this short intro, Stacey shares why sex is the entry point to bigger conversations about intimacy, connection, and what gets in the way.         📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Sex IRL Substack: https://www.sexinreallife.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook

Attraction isn't static. Even in the healthiest relationships, it ebbs and flows. But what do you do when the spark is flickering and everything your partner does gets on your last nerve? This is the first episode of the Grown Ass Woman Summer series. And Stacey is digging into a question that midlife women often ask: "What if I'm turned off by my partner?" In this conversation, Stacey gets real about what it means to feel disconnected from someone you still love. (Psst… it's not always about sex.) She explores how irritability can mask deeper emotions and what to ask yourself when you're unsure if you're in a funk or getting lost. In this episode: What shifting attraction says about connection How resentment can sneak in and snuff out empathy 3 powerful check-in questions to help you reflect and recalibrate.         ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Drop a note in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box 📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Midlife & Then Some Substack https://staceyherrera.substack.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review. Your words help other midlife women find us. https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review  

There is a lot of talk about feeling emotionally safe. But sometimes what we're calling unsafe is just new, unfamiliar, and uncomfortable. In this episode, Stacey explores the difference between actual harm and healthy discomfort. And why growth rarely happens when we feel at ease. She unpacks what emotional safety really means, how it's often used as a shield, and why some of the most powerful transformations happen when we feel unsure. If you've ever said, "I'm not ready" or "I don't feel safe," this one is for you. In this episode:  The difference between actual harm and healthy discomfort.   Why evolution doesn't happen in your comfort zone.  How waiting to feel safe might keep you stuck.  The #1 question to ask yourself when fear knocks To commemorate the 40th episode, get Stacey's flagship communication course, ar·tic·u·late for $29 (normally $99).  ar·tic·u·late is designed to help you speak clearly, listen generously, and handle hard conversations with ease.  Save $70 bucks when you use code FORTY at checkout: staceyherrera.com/articulate     ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Drop a note in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box 📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Midlife & Then Some Substack https://staceyherrera.substack.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review. Your words help other midlife women find us. https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review  

How do they treat you when they're upset? In this episode, Stacey explores the nuance of conflict in relationships. Whether it's weaponized silence, bringing up things shared in confidence, or claiming they "didn't mean it" after saying something hurtful, how someone shows up during conflict speaks volumes. You'll learn the difference between healthy space and emotional punishment. And why the way someone handles disagreements can (and sometimes should) be a deal breaker. If you've ever walked away from a disagreement feeling like small and unsure if love is supposed to gut you, this is for you. Stacey is serving up real-life reflections and clear standards for what respectful conflict can and should look like. In this episode: 3 conflict red flags most people ignore The emotional toll of stonewalling and disappearing acts Why "I didn't mean it" doesn't undo the impact How to set boundaries before the next blow-up When conflict becomes cruelty—and how to respond "There's a difference between taking time to self-regulate and withholding connection as a form of punishment." —Stacey Herrera     ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Drop a note in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box 📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Midlife & Then Some Substack https://staceyherrera.substack.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review. Your words help other midlife women find us. https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review  

If you're the one they check on after the fact, the person who gets the update but not the invitation, or the partner expected to adjust without being asked, this conversation is for you. This week on the pod, Stacey unpacks what it feels like to be an afterthought, how that pattern often mirrors the way we treat ourselves, and why clarity doesn't always guarantee change. Whether you speak up or stay silent, the result can feel the same—and it's exhausting. You'll hear why being overlooked isn't always about other people missing the mark. Sometimes, it starts with the way we shrink, delay, or deprioritize our own needs. Whether this shows up in romance, with family, friends, or at work, this is an invitation to center yourself with intention. In this episode: • What it feels like to be remembered last • Why speaking up doesn't always lead to being seen • How familiar pain can feel easier than honest risk • The role grief plays in self-loyalty • What it looks like to shift from default to deliberate     ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Drop a note in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box 📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Midlife & Then Some Substack https://staceyherrera.substack.com/ 📖 How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review. Your words help other midlife women find us. https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review

It might look like love. Might even feel like love. But what if it's not? In this episode, we're exploring the difference between love and attachment. Knowing the difference might save years of confusion, resentment, and chasing someone's potential. Stacey is walking you through what love is (without the fairytale framing), how attachment shows up in your nervous system and choices, and why the two get so tangled in midlife relationships. If you've ever been in a situation that made you question yourself, held on longer than you wanted to, or built a future with someone who wasn't fully present, this conversation may give you language and clarity for what you've been feeling. You'll learn: What real love looks like How attachment hides in chemistry and caretaking The waiting-for-them-to-change trap Why long-term relationships aren't always mutual How to stop confusing connection with compatibility This episode is a roadmap for recognizing the kind of connection that can hold your wholeness.       ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Submit ideas for upcoming episodes in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box 📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Midlife & Then Some Substack https://staceyherrera.substack.com/ 📖 Read Stacey's Book: How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review Your words help other midlife women find us. https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review

If you're the one who remembers the birthdays, plans the date nights, manages the group chats, and loads the dishwasher (because no one else seems to notice it's full), this episode is for you. In today's conversation, Stacey opens up about what happened when she finally stopped doing it all and what she learned about herself, her nervous system, and the stories that keep so many women in midlife over-functioning in their relationships. If you've ever thought, "If I don't do it, it won't get done," this one will hit home. You'll hear why it feels so hard to step back (even when you're exhausted) and how to make small but powerful changes that allow space for support, help, and actual partnership.  Whether you're in a relationship or just realizing how often you take the lead in your life, this episode offers honest reflections and practical tools for letting go of the mental load. In this episode, you'll hear: The hidden belief that keeps women stuck in the "go-to" role Three doable ways to shift the dynamic and stop doing it all Why letting people show up for you is vulnerable and necessary What really happens when you stop filling every gap yourself Overfunctioning in relationships leads to burnout.  You deserve rest, support, and space.       ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Submit ideas for upcoming episodes in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box 📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram & TikTok for insight, truth, and grown woman reflections 💌 Subscribe to the Midlife & Then Some Substack https://staceyherrera.substack.com/ 📖 Read Stacey's Book: How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review Your words help other midlife women find us. https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review

Midlife brings shifts—some welcome, some disorienting. One of the most confusing? When your desire goes quiet for a while. This week, we're talking about sexual winter. This season doesn't get enough airtime, especially among midlife women navigating shifting roles, changing hormones, and the pressure to always be "on." This episode is for you if you've ever wondered: Why don't I want to have sex? Is this just a phase or something else? How can I stay connected to my partner when I'm not feeling sexual? Will my desire ever come back? Stacey shares her story of moving through a dormant season—not with urgency, but with curiosity. She offers insight on what helped, what didn't, and why winter doesn't mean anything is wrong. It just means your body is asking for something different. In this episode: What sexual winter is (and how to recognize it) A new way to think about intimacy and connection during low-desire seasons How to communicate what's happening without guilt or pressure Why slowing down isn't a step back—it's part of the rhythm 💫 Special Offer: May is Masturbation Month. Pleasure for One is just $10. This mini-course will help you reconnect with your body. No fixing or forcing required. Use code LOVEIS at checkout.     ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Submit ideas for upcoming episodes in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box 📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram Daily insights, soft truths, and grown woman reflections https://www.instagram.com/staceynherrera/ 💌 Subscribe to the Sensual Sundays Newsletter Weekly love notes on presence, embodiment, and coming home to yourself https://staceyherrera.com/sensual-sundays/ 📖 Read Stacey's Book: How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review Your words help other midlife women find us. https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review

What do you do when your reflection surprises you? When you catch a glimpse and think, Wait… when did that change? In this episode, Stacey shares an unfiltered reflection on aging, intimacy, hydration (yes, hydration), and her evolving relationship with the woman in the mirror. Tender. Honest. Very midlife. In this conversation: The difference between fixing and tending to yourself The soft grief and quiet joy of watching your body change Confidence that comes not from how you look, but how you stay This is not a "how to age gracefully" conversation. It's a how to stay with yourself while things change conversation. If you've been feeling discombobulated about inhabiting unfamiliar skin, the unexpected thirst, or the sometimes strange, always sacred beauty of softening… listen now. Mentioned in this episode: Sage and Grace newsletter - staceyherrera.com/sage Connect with Stacey on Instagram or TikTok Send Stacey an email or an audio message     ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Submit ideas for upcoming episodes in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box   📖 Read Stacey's Book: How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook   ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review Your words help other midlife women find us https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review

This week on Love Is…, we're exploring Sexual Autumn—a season that doesn't get nearly enough celebration. Unlike the urgent heat of summer, autumn brings a slower, deeper sensuality.  Touch becomes more intentional. Foreplay is a full-body conversation. Arousal builds in layers. It's richer and more satisfying. Might even feel otherworldly. In this episode: How to honor your body when it takes longer to warm up Why spontaneity isn't necessarily the gold standard for good sex What to do if you and your partner are in different seasons Why autumn can feel clarifying How autumn can be a gift for singles and a bridge for relationship-ers     💌 Are you in Sexual Autumn? Share your story Leave Stacey a voice note: https://async.com/staceynherrera  ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Submit ideas for upcoming episodes in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box   📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram Daily insights, soft truths, and grown woman reflections https://www.instagram.com/staceynherrera/   💌 Subscribe to the Sensual Sundays Newsletter Weekly love notes on presence, embodiment, and coming home to yourself https://staceyherrera.com/sensual-sundays/   📖 Read Stacey's Book: How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook   ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review Your words help other midlife women find us https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review

This week on Love Is..., we're diving into Sexual Summer—the season of peak desire. If spring is awakening, summer is full bloom. It's spontaneous. It's primal. It's the kind of hunger that lives in your skin and hums through your whole body. For women over 40, sexual summer might hit hardest in midlife, when pregnancy is no longer a worry, and pleasure becomes a top priority. In this episode, we explore: How sexual summer shows up in midlife (even if it skipped your twenties) What to do when your partner's not in summer with you The difference between urgent desire and aligned connection Why a high libido is a sign of aliveness, not a problem How to channel sexual energy into creativity, confidence, and connection Whether you're single, partnered, or somewhere in between, this episode is an invitation to feel everything—and do you, unapologetically. 🎧 Listen now.     💌 Got a story or question about your sexual summer? Leave Stacey a voice note: https://async.com/staceynherrera  ✨ Got a topic, idea, or question? Submit ideas for upcoming episodes in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box   📸 Follow Stacey on Instagram Daily insights, soft truths, and grown woman reflections https://www.instagram.com/staceynherrera/   💌 Subscribe to the Sensual Sundays Newsletter Weekly love notes on presence, embodiment, and coming home to yourself https://staceyherrera.com/sensual-sundays/   📖 Read Stacey's Book: How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? A guide to having "the talk" without losing your cool (or your dignity). https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook   ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review Your words help other midlife women find us https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review  

In this week's episode of Love Is..., we're beginning a new four-part series called Sexual Seasons—because desire isn't static. It changes with us. Especially in midlife, when everything from hormones to heartbreak can shift how we feel about sex, touch, and our own bodies. Today, we're exploring Sexual Spring—that delicious season of reawakened desire. It's the sudden tingles. The unexpected turn-on. The moment you catch your reflection and think, Oh hey... I remember her. 🌸 Whether you're single, partnered, post-breakup, post-baby, or just resurfacing after a long internal winter—this episode invites you to welcome your own erotic awakening. With tenderness. With curiosity. With zero pressure to perform. We'll talk about: What triggers sexual spring (and why it might not make logical sense) How to talk to your partner about new desires without scaring them off Why feeling "off" doesn't mean something's wrong—it might mean something's waking up This one's for every woman in midlife who's ready to feel alive again—in her skin, her senses, and her sexuality. 💌 Want to share your own sexual spring story? Feeling a shift in your body or sexuality? I'd love to hear from you. https://async.com/staceynherrera   ✨ Got a Topic You Want Me to Cover? Submit ideas for upcoming episodes in the Suggestion Box https://staceyherrera.com/suggestion-box   📸 Follow Me on Instagram Daily insights, soft truths, and grown woman reflections https://www.instagram.com/staceynherrera/   💌 Subscribe to the Sensual Sundays Newsletter Weekly love notes on presence, embodiment, and coming home to yourself https://staceyherrera.com/sensual-sundays/   📖 Read My Book: How Do I Tell Them I Have Herpes? Raw, real, and redefining intimacy beyond shame https://staceyherrera.com/herpesbook   ⭐️ Love the Show? Leave a 5-Star Review Your words help other midlife women find us https://staceyherrera.com/love-is-review  

This is a little bonus minisode I had to share while the feeling was still fresh. It's about the kind of love that doesn't fix — it holds. The kind that doesn't shame — it calls you in. The kind that doesn't keep you company in the dark — it helps you find the switch.   And if you're ready to stop betraying yourself in the name of being nice, needed, or helpful… Me, Again is that kind of calling in. That kind of love. Applications close tomorrow. Apply Now.   Links + Resrouces: Me, Again - coaching for the woman who's done abandoning herself.

This week on Love Is…, we're talking about self-abandonment.  Not the hashtag version. The everyday, seemingly simple but often repeated moments where we override what's true. In this episode, I'm dropping gems about : ✨ What self-abandonment looks like in real life ✨ The childhood roots of shrinking to be loved ✨ A relationship story I've never shared publicly ✨ And why healing starts with noticing If you've ever smiled when you wanted to cry, said yes when your body said no, or stayed quiet to keep the peace… this one's for you. Mentioned in this episode: Me, Again - coaching for the woman who's done abandoning herself. If this episode resonated with you: Share it with someone who needs it. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify — it helps more people find the show https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/love-is/id1769622346 https://open.spotify.com/show/2o8FU7I91KlUeEIztDKJM7?si=8a94bbc27ef040c3 Suggest a topic or ask a question: Suggestion box

In this week's episode of Love Is..., I'm unpacking something tender and true: the resistance we feel when someone offers us care, love, or support—and how it messes with our nervous systems. We're exploring: Why "I'll do it myself" can feel safer than softness. The hidden cost of always being the strong one. And why learning to receive is actually the most radical relationship shift you can make. I also share a story about a client who couldn't orgasm with her partner because she couldn't let go long enough to be fully present. This episode is a loving nudge to invite more ease, more surrender, and more pleasure.   Suggested Reading: All About Love by bell hooks – A timeless exploration of love as an action and an ethic, including the ways we learn (and unlearn) how to receive it. The Art of Receiving and Giving by Betty Martin – A deeper dive into consent, touch, and the internal dynamics of receiving with presence and clarity.  

Hey love, Ever catch yourself in the same argument? Or feel that familiar urge to shut down, chase, or fix—even when you know better? Your inner child might be behind the wheel. Again. In this week's episode of Love Is, I'm breaking down how childhood survival strategies sneak into our adult relationships, why they're so sticky, and how to start choosing differently—without blaming your past. Once you know who's driving, you can gently take the keys back.   Want to go deeper? I created a free workbook to help you connect with your adaptive child—the part of you that learned to survive by shutting down, fixing, chasing, or perfecting. It's gentle, eye-opening, and a great first step toward rewiring those old patterns. ➡️ Download the workbook (no email required)   Resources Referenced: Terry Real – the concept of the adaptive child "The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives." - Esther Perel  The 5-Second Pause – a simple practice to create space between trigger and reaction   💬 I'd love to hear what this episode stirred up for you— send me a voice note or an email:  Email: [email protected] Leave a voice note: https://async.com/staceynherrera

No one teaches us how to talk about sex. That means we learn the hard way —by fumbling or mumbling —which is no bueno. That ends today. This week on the podcast, I've got 10 tips for making these conversations a little bit less uncomfortable. From timing it right (not while you're getting busy) to the build-up (think Eiffel Tower—start at the base, not the tip).  You'll be talking pleasure, desire, and boundaries with confidence in no time! You can thank me later.    Mentioned in Episode 25: Yes/Maybe/No Workbook - A structured guide for exploring desires and boundaries Got suggestions for future episodes? Let us know. (Love Is... Suggestion Box) Join the conversation!  Email: [email protected] Leave a voice note: https://async.com/staceynherrera

As a kid, silence in my house was heavy. Not the peaceful kind – the kind that sits on your chest and makes you hold your breath. That's probably why I followed my former husband from room to room trying to make him talk it out. Not my proudest moment, but hey, we're all learning here. In this week's episode, I explain what happens when someone goes silent—they're probably not rejecting you, by the way. I also share three strategies that will change how you handle the "silent treatment." Plus, I'm dropping dimes about who should initiate reconnection after a shutdown. Psst… you might be doing too much.     Mentioned in Episode 24: The Gottman Institute's research on stonewalling Terry Real's approach to relationship repair The concept of "diffuse physiological arousal" (flooding)   Resources Referenced: The Gottman Institute's Four Horsemen Terry Real - Relational Life Therapy   Join the conversation!  Email: [email protected] Leave a voice note: https://async.com/staceynherrera

In this week's episode of Love Is..., I discuss a recent challenge in my relationship that had me questioning the real purpose of relationships. Here's what we're exploring: Why relationships bring up our sh*t How conflicts can be doorways to healing What happens when we get curious instead of defensive I share insights from relationship experts Terry Real and Esther Perel, as well as an honorable mention from Marianne Williamson. If you're in the messy middle of relationship growth right now —bless you. This one's especially for you.   Mentioned in Episode 23:   Key Quotes:  "Our intimate relationships challenge us like nothing else. We lose it, time and again, but it's in these moments that we find the opportunity to grow together." - Terry Real "This is human. This is not, you are good. You are bad... Conflict is intrinsic to relationships. There is no relationship that grows without a modicum of fight, friction, discord, duking..." - Esther Perel on "Pulling the Thread" with Elise Loehnen   Join the conversation!  Email: [email protected] Leave a voice note: https://async.com/staceynherrera