PODCAST · comedy
The Crooked Wheel
by The Crooked Wheel
The Crooked Wheel is a comedy site in the style of The Onion. It features fake news, fake ads, fake interviews, and fake reviews. It is not intended to be taken seriously.“The Crooked Wheel” was founded in 2022 by a group of degenerates. The site was originally intended as a general satire site, but soon became known for its fake news articles.
Episodes
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Gimme Dat ‘nother One, Pops
NEW ORLEANS, LA—Stretching out on his couch with a cold beer and the remote control, local man Dan O'Brien is reportedly gimme dat'nother one, pops. "Ah, come on, one more," the man said to his television Monday before settling in for another hour of television. "I'm feelin' it." O'Brien then...
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Local Cheerleader Hopes To Become First Person To Get Out Of Town
WESTFIELD, NJ—Cheerleader for Westfield High School's varsity football team, 16-year-old Lauren Cavanaugh, hopes to become the first person ever to escape from the town of Westfield. "I'm going to get out of this dump someday," said Cavanaugh, who has already begun saving up for a one-way bus...
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Local Gingerbread Man Accused Of Being A Bad Neighbor
AUSTIN, TX—Claiming that the baked confection had been a “bad neighbor” for years, a local woman held a press conference Tuesday to accuse her local gingerbread man of harassing her and her family. “I’ve lived in this neighborhood for more than 50 years, and I can tell you that this gingerbread…
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Personalized Haunted House Lets Visitors Choose Their Own Frights
CHICAGO, IL—Explaining that the experience was far more terrifying when visitors were able to tailor their own scares, officials at Chicago’s Terror House announced Friday that their new personalized haunted house would let guests choose their own frights. “We’ve created a unique and terrifying...
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Broken Furniture Is Now Available In New, More Broken Version
STERLING, VA—Touted as the most broken-down, dysfunctional pieces of furniture ever produced, Brok-R-Door Furniture unveiled its new line of broken furniture Monday. "Our new line of broken sofas, chairs and tables is available in a variety of distressed finishes," said Brok-R-Door spokesperson...
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Local Fruit Dealer Offers Free Advice To Customers
BOSTON, MA—The owner of local produce stand The Fruit Stand has offered free advice to all his customers, no matter what they buy. "When I see someone buying apples, I tell them to eat the apple with the skin on," said owner and fruit dealer Jim O'Hara. "And when I see someone buying bananas, I...
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Pudding is Not a Vegetable
WASHINGTON, DC—In a landmark decision Monday, the US Supreme Court ruled that pudding is not a vegetable under federal law. "Pudding is a dessert, and as such cannot be classified as a vegetable," said Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who wrote the majority opinion. "Vegetables are grown in soil and...
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Pawn Stars’ Chumlee Reveals He’s Been Living In A Box For Past Decade To Avoid Child Support Payment
LAS VEGAS, NV—In a shocking revelation that sent shockwaves through the Las Vegas community, Pawn Stars cast member Chumlee revealed Monday that he’s been living in a box for the past decade to avoid child support payments. “I’ve been in this cardboard box since 2008, when I was forced to move…
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Video Games May Be Good For Kids’ Eyes
BOSTON, MA—A new study published Monday in the New England Journal Of Medicine found that playing video games may actually be beneficial to children’s eyesight. “While we have long been concerned about the effects of violent media on young people, our research suggests that there may be a…
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League of Legends is Not a Sport, Says League of Legends Player
League of Legends player and avid fan Marcus Gorman, 23, told reporters at a press conference Tuesday that the multiplayer online battle arena game is not a sport. “I don’t know what the hell you guys are talking about,” said Gorman, who has been playing League of Legends for over three years and...
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Broadway Is Revealed To Be A Series Of Dreams
NEW YORK, NY—In a stunning discovery that has sent shockwaves through the theater community, researchers at New York University's Department of Psychology announced Monday that Broadway is actually a series of dreams. "Our research shows that the entire fabric of Broadway—the plays, the actors…
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Alien Technology Finally Arrives To Destroy Earth
NEW YORK, NY—After billions of years of traveling through space, alien technology finally arrived Monday to destroy the Earth. "We have been waiting for this moment for a long time," said U.N. Secretary-General António Guterres, who was informed of the impending alien attack by an aide who…
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I’ve Lost the Ability to Differentiate Between Milk and Not Milk
BALTIMORE, MD—According to sources, local man Paul Larkin has lost the ability to differentiate between milk and not milk. “I’m pretty sure I poured milk into this glass, but now it looks like water,” said Larkin of the beverage he was holding, which he had apparently mistaken for a glass of…
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Nathan Fielder Was Just Trying To Be Funny When He Said He Would Kill Anyone Who Ate His Food
LOS ANGELES, CA—Saying he was just trying to be funny, Nathan Fielder confirmed Wednesday that he was not actually threatening anyone when he said he would kill anyone who tried to take his food. “I want to make it clear that I was just joking around when I said I would kill anyone who tried to...
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Local Traveler Warned To Be Careful After Getting Stuck In Traffic On Way To Airport
CHICAGO, IL—Noting that the incident could have been avoided entirely if he had left the house earlier, friends of local traveler Brian Denton warned him Wednesday to be careful after getting stuck in traffic on his way to the airport. “You’ve got to be more careful than that, Brian, or you’re...
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Cats Are Just As Annoying As You Think They Are
WASHINGTON, DC—A new study published Monday by the American Association for the Advancement of Science has concluded that cats are, in fact, just as annoying as you think they are. “After a comprehensive analysis of all available data, our research team found that cats are indeed as aggravating…
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Global Warming Revealed to Be Caused By Giant, Invisible Ham Sandwich
NEW YORK, NY—A new study published Monday by researchers at the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change revealed that global warming is caused by a giant, invisible ham sandwich. “Our data indicate that the reason the earth’s temperature has risen over the past century is because...
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Soup is Not a Meal
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—A study released Monday by the Center for Health and the Environment found that soup is not a meal. "Soup is a delicious, nutritious, and filling first course," said Dr. Richard Averill, director of the center's Food Policy Institute. "But soup is not a meal." The study comes on...
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Buses and Trains are Good for People Who Don’t Have Cars
NEW YORK, NY—Explaining that the transit system is a fine way to get around if you’re not able to afford a vehicle, sources confirmed Friday that buses and trains are good for people who don’t have cars. “Sure, riding the bus or train is a perfectly fine way to get from place to place if you…
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Local Teenagers Make First Step Toward Becoming Adults By Getting Jobs At Fast Food Restaurant
MUNCIE, IN—Saying the experience would help them prepare for the real world, local teenagers Marcus Carver and Tyler Gifford told reporters Friday that they were making their first step toward becoming adults by getting jobs at a fast food restaurant. “It’s important to learn how to balance a...
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Mall Santa Arrested For Stealing From Children
SANTA FE, NM—Santa Claus was arrested Tuesday on charges of petty theft after mall security cameras caught him stealing candy canes from several children. "He's supposed to be the symbol of goodwill and giving," said Santa Fe police chief Rick Shelly. "What kind of role model is he if he steals...
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We Can’t Afford to Lower Prices, says Drug Company That Posted Record Profits Last Year
NEW YORK, NY—In an announcement that has sent shockwaves through the pharmaceutical industry, Bristol-Myers Squibb CEO Peter Dolan said in a press conference Friday that his company could not afford to lower prices on its drugs. "We're not in the business of losing money," said Dolan, whose…
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Military Conflicts Now To Be Resolved on Football Field
BAGHDAD, IRAQ—In a joint statement issued from the Iraqi capital, the governments of the United States, Great Britain, and Iraq announced Tuesday that all current military conflicts in the region would henceforth be resolved on the field of play. "We believe that football is a game of honor and...
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Your Car’s GPS Tells You To Go To A Place That’s Been Closed For A Year
TEMPE, AZ—Informing you that you had arrived at your destination, your car’s GPS system reportedly told you to go to a place that has been closed for a year, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Your destination is on the right,” the navigation system stated while displaying an image of a building that...
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Birds Are Going To Be The Next Big Thing
NEW YORK, NY—According to a report released Monday by the National Endowment for the Arts, birds are going to be the next big thing. "From bird-themed jewelry to bird-patterned wallpaper to bird-shaped cookie cutters, it seems that everything is going to be birds," NEA chairman Dana Gioia said....
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Animorphs Revealed To Be A Series Of Horrifically Violent Video Games
SANTA ANA, CA—In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the children’s literature community, sources confirmed Wednesday that the Animorphs series of books is actually a series of horrifically violent video games. “We are still working to uncover all the details, but what we do…
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Superpowers Would Actually be Quite Complicated
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—According to sources, if one were to suddenly acquire superpowers, the experience would be quite complicated and difficult to adjust to. “I don’t know how you’d even begin to deal with having super strength or the ability to fly,” said local man and non-super human Michael…
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Local Stand-Up Comedian Gives Up On Life
CHICAGO, IL—After a year of struggling to make ends meet as a stand-up comedian, local performer Brian Kline has given up on life, sources reported Tuesday. "I've been doing this for a year now, and it hasn't gotten me anywhere," said Kline, who has been sleeping on the couch of a friend's...
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Kids Are Reportedly Participating in a Dangerous New Trend Called ‘Sleeping’
NEW YORK, NY—Claiming that the activity poses a serious threat to the health and safety of children across the nation, a report released Thursday by the American Academy of Pediatrics warned that a dangerous new trend called “sleeping” is gaining popularity among kids. “While we’ve always known...
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Yogurt is Not a Fruit
WASHINGTON, DC—A federal judge ruled Monday that yogurt is not a fruit, but rather a dairy product. "Yogurt is not a fruit because it does not have seeds," Judge Henry T. Hargreaves said. "Also, it is not a fruit because it is not grown on a tree." Yogurt was brought to trial on charges of...
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Local Onion Reseller Pays For His Sins By Donating To Local Food Pantry
KNOXVILLE, TN—In an effort to atone for his past transgressions, local onion reseller Rick Hargrove reportedly paid for his sins Thursday by donating to the Knoxville Area Food Pantry. “I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life, but I’m hoping this will help make up for it,” said Hargrove, who...
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Local Principal Finds He Can’t Even Remember What He Was Supposed To Be Doing Right Now
CHICAGO, IL—Saying that he was pretty sure he had been in the middle of doing something, local principal Brian Phelan told reporters Wednesday that he couldn’t quite remember what it was he was supposed to be doing right now. “I know I was supposed to be doing something, but for the life of me, I...
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Local Electronics Salesman Hasn’t Been Able To Get Hard Since Wife Found Out He Was Cheating
BAY CITY, MI–Ronald "Ron" Hockenstater, a Bay City-area electronics salesman, has not been able to achieve an erection since his wife found out about his affair with another woman. "I'm just not able to get it up," Hockenstater said. "I've tried everything: Viagra, Cialis, even that...
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Local Chef Offers Free Lunch To Anyone Who Can Name All Five Of His Favorite Ingredients
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In an effort to promote his signature style and encourage diners to try something new, local chef and owner of the Blue Plate Restaurant, Jeff Talbot, reportedly offered free lunch to anyone who could name all five of his favorite ingredients. “All you have to do is tell me what...
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Local Chicken Wrangler Says He’s Never Seen Anything Like This
TOPEKA, KS—Stressing that he wasn’t sure what to make of the recent changes he had observed, local chicken wrangler Clint Henson told reporters Monday that he had never seen anything like this before. “They used to be pretty dumb, but now they’re acting real smart—they can almost think for...
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Mayonnaise Factory Reveals New ‘Mayonnaise-Flavored’ Mayonnaise
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/26/mayonnaise-factory-reveals-new-mayonnaise-flavored-mayonnaise/ NEW YORK, NY—In an effort to diversify its product line and appeal to a wider audience, the Hellmann’s Mayonnaise Company unveiled its new...
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Local Superheroes Organizing Massive Protest Against Supervillains
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/27/local-superheroes-organizing-massive-protest-against-supervillains/ NEW YORK, NY—Calling for all costumed crimefighters to assemble in Times Square at noon tomorrow, local superheroes from across the tri-state…
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Local Karaoke Machine Repairman Finds Secret Document In Machine
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/28/local-karaoke-machine-repairman-finds-secret-document-in-machine/ HONOLULU, HI—After opening up a malfunctioning karaoke machine for repairs Monday, local repairman Tom Kwan discovered a top-secret CIA document...
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Sea Bass In Ocean Have No Idea What’s Happening To Them
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/29/sea-bass-in-ocean-have-no-idea-whats-happening-to-them/ OCEANS OF THE WORLD—Gasping as they struggled to stay afloat in their rapidly warming waters, the ocean’s sea bass confirmed Monday that they have no idea...
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A Secretive Group Of Billionaires Gather To Plot How To Take Over The World
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/31/a-secretive-group-of-billionaires-gather-to-plot-how-to-take-over-the-world/ NEW YORK, NY—In a dimly lit conference room deep within the bowels of the New York Federal Reserve Bank, a secret cabal of the world’s...
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Local Pilot Playing on His Phone During Takeoff
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/08/30/local-pilot-playing-on-his-phone-during-takeoff/ SANTA ROSA, CA—According to passengers on the flight from San Francisco to Santa Rosa, local pilot Jeff Wicks played on his phone throughout the entire takeoff...
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Popular Children’s TV Show “Kill Your Parents!” Canceled After Freak Murder Accident
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/02/popular-childrens-tv-show-kill-your-parents-canceled-after-freak-murder-accident/ BURBANK, CA—In a rare move for a show that has been on the air for nearly 20 years, executives at Nickelodeon announced today that...
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In Order to Get Away from the Missus, Adult Child Joins Orphanage After Parents Die of Old Age
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/04/in-order-to-get-away-from-the-missus-adult-child-joins-orphanage-after-parents-die-of-old-age/ CHICAGO, IL—Feeling suffocated by the expectations of his family, local adult child Jason Kline announced Wednesday...
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Online May Be Too Much For Some People
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/04/online-may-be-too-much-for-some-people/ WASHINGTON, DC—A new report published Monday by the Pew Research Center has found that the internet may be too much for some people. “Our research indicates that…
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NASA Secretly Preparing To Land On Moon
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/15/nasa-secretly-preparing-to-land-on-moon/ WASHINGTON, DC—According to a classified U.S. government memo obtained by the Undercurrent, NASA is secretly preparing to land astronauts on the moon by the end of 2023.…
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Bartender Says He’ll Give You Free Drink If You Tell Him What’s Wrong
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/03/bartender-says-hell-give-you-free-drink-if-you-tell-him-whats-wrong/ RALEIGH, NC—Offering a sympathetic ear and a free shot of his favorite whiskey, local bartender Dan Burke reportedly told local man Patrick...
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Recording Studio May Have To Fire Guy Who Keeps Trying To Make The Drums Sound Like Rush
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/04/recording-studio-may-have-to-fire-guy-who-keeps-trying-to-make-the-drums-sound-like-rush/ CHATSWORTH, CA—Complaining that the sound technician was “completely out of control,” executives at West Coast Recording…
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Local Animal Supply Store Hasn’t Had A Customer Since ’97
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/02/local-animal-supply-store-hasnt-had-a-customer-since-97/ HANOVER, NH—The Hanover Pet Emporium has not had a customer since 1997, when regular customer and Hanover resident Edna Kline died. "We used to have a lot…
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Afterlife Revealed to Be Just Like Life, Only More So
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/15/afterlife-revealed-to-be-just-like-life-only-more-so/ THE HEAVENS—In an announcement that sent shockwaves through the Christian and secular communities alike, the Lord our God, Creator and Supreme Ruler of the...
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This Human Body Bores Me. Time for the Upgrade
This episode is also available as a blog post: http://thecrookedwheel.com/2022/09/04/this-human-body-bores-me-time-for-the-upgrade/ NEW YORK, NY—I am so bored with this human body. It's just so slow and weak and fragile. I want to upgrade to something more powerful, more efficient, more sleek. I...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
The Crooked Wheel is a comedy site in the style of The Onion. It features fake news, fake ads, fake interviews, and fake reviews. It is not intended to be taken seriously.“The Crooked Wheel” was founded in 2022 by a group of degenerates. The site was originally intended as a general satire site, but soon became known for its fake news articles.
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The Crooked Wheel
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does The Crooked Wheel have?
The Crooked Wheel currently has 61 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is The Crooked Wheel about?
The Crooked Wheel is a comedy site in the style of The Onion. It features fake news, fake ads, fake interviews, and fake reviews. It is not intended to be taken seriously.“The Crooked Wheel” was founded in 2022 by a group of degenerates. The site was originally intended as a general satire site,...
How often does The Crooked Wheel release new episodes?
The Crooked Wheel has 61 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to The Crooked Wheel?
You can listen to The Crooked Wheel on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts The Crooked Wheel?
The Crooked Wheel is created and hosted by The Crooked Wheel.
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