The Kintsugi Mind

In today's episode, my boyfriend Shawn and I sit down and ask each other some DEEP questions.  The only rules? That we have to answer honestly: no filters, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (!!!)  Talking about everything from missing exes to loving someone who has depression, we dive into the more intimate (and spicy) parts of our relationship. Let's normalize talking about the tough stuff with the people we love.  --- Instagram: https://instagram.com/mykintsugimind --- Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

We all wish we could go back and tell our younger selves what we know now, and that's ESPECIALLY true when it comes that weird limbo period after graduation.  Class of 2021, or any who graduated recently: this one's for you.  Here are the five things I wish someone had told me about the emotions and experiences I'd face in post-grad life. Everything from how to make new friends to first job jitters, to my own story of hitting rock bottom in my first year out of college. I hope this helps! --- Adulthood Pending podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adulthood-pending/id1531732828  --- My blog post on postgrad friendships: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/post/post-grad-friendships  --- Instagram: https://instagram.com/mykintsugimind --- Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

Do you ever feel like your relationships just SUCK no matter what? Maybe it's that pesky habit of yours to self-sabotage when things are going too good. Or maybe you feel like you can't really trust or depend on anyone. Or you might spend most of the relationship freaked out that the other person will up and leave any day now.  If that sounds like you... this episode is going to change your life.  Fear of abandonment is one of the most prevalent issue in relationships, yet it's not talked about enough. In today's episode, I break down how fear of abandonment could be holding you back from happy healthy relationships, why you choose the wrong partners, and what to do about all... that.  Need help? Start here with this Master List of resources: https://docs.google.com/document/d/110J9BuRqz3lRXyZXLE6ZIWyUqTMB6thib1IpY93ThoQ/edit?usp=sharing  --- Instagram: https://instagram.com/mykintsugimind --- Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

TW: r*pe, trauma Today I'll be talking about facing the aftermath of my sexual assaults. Being a survivor is a messy and complex experience, and this is my attempt to make sense of some of the things that occurred during this time: hypersexuality, self-harm, rediscovering healthy sex, and dealing with my trauma in therapy.  For more information on sexual assault, please visit this Google Doc of resources I've created: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cl3QAcOGyrfZXA4qOtUtxsi24bxdtKLFTg4PyxvJD3Q/edit  How to ask for consent: https://www.instagram.com/p/CNfIIP3sCKv/  --- Instagram: https://instagram.com/mykintsugimind --- Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

Dating during a worldwide pandemic is not easy. It's even harder when you have to be separated from your partner and aren't able to see each other often (if at all).  In today's episode, my LDR partner Shawn and I sit down to talk about how, as the wise Rihanna once said, "we found love in a hopeless place." We share the growing pains of starting a LDR in the middle of a pandemic, pros & cons of being separated, and tackling jealousy and trust issues when you can't be with your partner in person.  --- Instagram: https://instagram.com/mykintsugimind --- Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

2020 was A LOT. Sh*t hit the fan. I fell off the grid for a bit. But I'm back, and I'm here to talk about an issue that's been plaguing me ever since I started this podcast: FEAR OF FAILURE. Do you ever feel like you have so many goals and dreams, but you can't bring yourself to start working towards them? Are you a chronic procrastinator? Is your perfectionism holding you back from the life you want? If so, join the club: grab a chair and have an antacid. Today we're talking about how our fear of failure sabotages us, fixed vs growth mindset, and what "failing forward" means. --- Instagram: https://instagram.com/mykintsugimind --- Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

Hey, guess what? You. Are. Worthy. It doesn't matter if you've been told otherwise all your life or if some days you really don't feel that way. A $50 bill, even if it's crumpled up and stepped on, is still worth $50, right?  In today's episode, I share my story about growing up extremely insecure, being a "push-over" in relationships, and how I finally learned to do things for ME and not for anyone else. In other words, here's a no BS rant about recognizing your value and becoming the boss queen/king/in-between that you are. Period.  (Skip to 10:15 for the lessons part) ---Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/---

Let's talk about sex, baby! You didn't think this podcast about vulnerability and honesty would be complete without an episode ALL about sex and pleasure, did you?  Today, Carolyn and I get down and dirty with the deets. We talk about the shame and stigma we experienced growing up, losing our virginity, our various "sexcapades" as adults, our views on masturbation, and SO MUCH MORE. Like seriously.  If you want some honest insight, relatable stories and one too many laughs, don't miss this episode.  --- Instagram: https://instagram.com/mykintsugimind ---

What do 2020, Halloween, and mental health all have in common? MASKS! Ha ha. But honestly, the spooky season is the perfect time for us to confront our fears, check in on the skeletons in our closet, and do some #realtalk about who we are and who we're pretending to be. Join me in today's quick chat about the masks we all wear and why we're so scared to be our true selves (and what's a "true self" anyways?!) --- Instagram: https://instagram.com/mykintsugimind ---

A bit of an unexpected episode this week: just some unscripted thoughts and honest reflections from yours truly.  Do you ever think to yourself: What's the point of it all? Because I do, and I've struggled with such dark thoughts for most of my life. Today I talk about existential crises, how to embrace the downs in life, and what to do when life feels meaningless and bleak.  ---NOTE: If you're thinking about suicide, are worried about a friend or loved one, or would like emotional support, please call 800-273-8255--- ---Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind

Whether you're a fresh grad or 5 years out of college, you'll probably remember those weird first years of adulthood for the rest of your life. It's that awkward time period where nothing seems to make sense, you don't know what you're doing with your career, your friendships are changing, and the lack of 2AM Taco Bell runs makes you... actually miss being in school?  We've all been there. While #adulting does get easier over the years, transitioning into adulthood after college can be an extremely difficult time period. Post-grad depression/anxiety is too real.  Today, my life mentor and best friend Andrew and I talk about how we handled our post-grad crisis, and the lessons we've learned along the way about job changes, happy hour, working out, and meaningful adult relationships.  ---Check out Andrew's links here:  Medium: https://medium.com/@ptchen_66190 Twitter: https://twitter.com/AndrewC17401257  --- Instagram: https://instagram.com/mykintsugimind ---

Hello listeners! Today Carolyn and I (aka your friendly neighborhood sisters/unlicensed therapists) answer YOUR questions: 1) 1:58 - "Boyfriend claims he's single on social media" 2) 8:38 - "Friend is pressuring me to open up" 3) 16:39 - "Getting back together with an ex after several years" 4) 25:43 - "My boyfriend's friend makes sexist jokes in front of me" 5) 31:50 - "Is it weird for the girl to say 'I love you' first?" ---Submit your questions anonymously here: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/contact / Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/---

Welcome to the "Brr" months, where the days are shorter, the weather gets colder... people are sadder, and suddenly all your friends are getting into relationships? The big "SAD" (aka seasonal affective disorder) is a real issue that doesn't get talked about enough. In general, the colder months can trigger a lot of loneliness and holiday anxiety. Some people find a partner or hookup to get through it, while others must bear it alone.  Either way, it's normal to feel more down during this time of the year. In this episode I give some tips and suggestions on how to survive the upcoming season, the unspoken rules of "cuffing season," and how you might benefit from a sun lamp (!).  IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/?hl=en Web: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

"How are we already at the breakup stage?" Breakups are one of the hardest things we'll ever have to go through (and that's coming from someone who's been through quite A LOT). Today, Carolyn and I take a deep dive into the not-so-fun part of relationships: the ending. We know what it's like to obsessively check your ex's social media, drunk call your ex, and cry yourself to sleep every night. We've been there.  We share some of our top breakup breakdowns, our rebounds, and how we eventually got over the people that we loved.  IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/?hl=en Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com

Whoever said relationships are easy... is a liar.  While love and dating should never be forced, they're also extremely challenging at times. Whether it's jealousy over your significant other's (super-model, super hot) ex or mind games and pettiness during arguments, relationships can really TEST us. Like, a lot.  Carolyn and I share our experiences with the "ugly" sides of dating, and all the important lessons we've had to learn the hard way: how to fight WITH your S.O. and not against them, how to deal with insecurities in the early stages, and how NOT to respond to your partner when they're angry. 

TW: r*pe, gaslighting Today's episode is not an easy one. This is my first time speaking publicly about my assault: what happened, the way it impacted my life, and the confusion and self-doubt that haunted me for years. This episode is not comprehensive; it's simply a fraction of the journey that us survivors have to go through in order to heal and recover. Please consider clicking this link here to learn more about how you can support the survivors in your life: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cl3QAcOGyrfZXA4qOtUtxsi24bxdtKLFTg4PyxvJD3Q/edit?usp=sharing  IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/

Hello, Carolyn and I are BACK and today we're diving into the oh-so-confusing (yet very exciting) part of dating: all the good stuff that happens BEFORE the relationship.  Modern dating ain't easy. From the more lighthearted questions like "should I bother shaving before this date?" to more serious ones like, "Does this person fit with my life values and goals?"— we've been through it.  And while we're both still learning a lot about dating, we shed some insight and our own experiences about flings and "things," choosing a partner, hooking up, and navigating romance, millenial/Gen-Z-style.  IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/?hl=en Web: https://www.mykintsugimind.com 

Today I'm joined by recurring guest Carolyn Shao, my best friend of 10 years and someone who's supported me through all my highs and lows. A lot of these lows involve my biggest insecurities--namely, body image issues and not feeling "good enough" or "beautiful enough." Especially in this time of quarantine, we've been on Instagram waaaay more than we should, and it's hard to not compare ourselves to the picture-perfect influencers and models. Like, how is this girl SO fit year-round? Why can't my nose be shaped like that? In this episode, we share our biggest insecurities, how we've been dealing with social media beauty standards in quarantine, and the self-confidence tips we've personally tried and tested. MyKintsugiMind-IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/ Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

Hi lovelies, I am BACK (and hopefully better than ever!) On my short hiatus, I spent a lot of time thinking about self-care, how I've been neglecting my usual routines (oops), and what it means to practice HEALTHY, FULFILLING self-care. I learned that cake for breakfast is a great idea until it's not. I learned that self-care is actually a political tool, especially during this time of turmoil within the administration.  And finally, I learned that self-care is not selfish. Everyone deserves to take care of their mental and physical health. Tune in to learn how to build your own self-care toolkit, how to not self-sabotage, and how to build a reality you don't need to constantly escape from. 

Hi lovely friends and listeners. I just wanted to say thank you all so much for your support and your feedback for the last 14 episodes. Today I explain why I will be taking a short hiatus from this podcast and what's been going on in my life lately. I hope everyone is finding the peace they need these days and taking care of themselves. Sending lots of love as usual! Stay connected with me through my IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/ or my website at https://www.mykintsugimind.com/. 

Today's episode features my wonderful friend Craig Lou, 25-year-old product manager and someone I've talked to a lot about mental illness. June was Men's Health Month, and while this episode is a bit late (sorry), it's never too late to care about men's health and unpack the unique struggles that men face in confronting mental health, toxic masculinity, and vulnerability. Craig shares his own journey with battling depression and anxiety, putting on a front for others, and how he learned to slowly open up to those around him.  Resources: Podcast episode on men's shame and how women can support them: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6CKxppjoyIjhu5wsO9gXKT?si=jmfqgIkISUGB0jjN-DMSmg  "Reasons to Stay Alive" by Matt Haig  "Can't Hurt Me" by David Goggins The Hilarious World of Depression podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/0nVNURZtqEoycVvrsIWAM5?si=jqA1anGhTZ-PjNhml_579g  NOTE: this particular episode does not address the issues of queer and trans men, but their voices are just as important. Please learn more here: https://www.cdc.gov/msmhealth/mental-health.htm https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/mental-health-for-transgender-men IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/ Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

#Pridemonth 🌈 this year is an especially tough time for a lot of people, given everything else going on in the country and in the world. But it’s at the intersections of pride and #blm that we find some of our most vulnerable community members (i.e. Black trans womxn). All this to say that as we celebrate the LGBTQ+ community this year, let’s also keep the momentum going on other human rights movements as well. In this episode, I’ll be talking a bit more about my experience & thoughts as a “baby” member of the queer community 👼🏼, why it took me so long to finally come out, and how sexuality is more fluid and complicated than we’re taught. Please check out these links:  LGBTQ+ Freedom Fund: https://www.lgbtqfund.org/ House of GG: https://houseofgg.org/ The Audre Lorde Project: https://alp.org/ Trans Women of Color Collective: https://www.twocc.us/ My Kintsugi Mind-IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/ Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/

BLACK LIVES MATTER. Period. We live in a world today that is severely lacking in empathy, or the ability to relate to others and identify with them. Today I talk about why empathy is so important, what it means to be an empath (and some of the spooky "supernatural" traits that come with it), and how we can be better allies in the BLM movement when it comes to emotional and mental engagement.  Please join me in doing Justice in June: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1H-Vxs6jEUByXylMS2BjGH1kQ7mEuZnHpPSs1Bpaqmw0/preview?pru=AAABcp48koU*xj5UIj07R3itUf992z70ZA

Today's episode comes out at a time where many people are in a lot of emotional pain given the deaths of George Floyd and many others. I hear you, I see you, and I hope this episode helps you in any way, big or small, on your mental health journey. Talking about our feelings is so important especially in a time like this. We still have a long way to go in terms of de-stigmatizing mental illness, but we've also made great progress.  MyKintsugiMind-IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/ Website: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/ Ask a question, give feedback, or suggest topic ideas here: https://www.mykintsugimind.com/contact Please check out this document for more ways to help the #BLM movement: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-0KC83vYfVQ-2freQveH43PWxuab2uWDEGolzrNoIks/preview?pru=AAABcostpdY*XcQ_2BfipDHyqwlukU5iIA 

“Do you eat dogs?” “Is it true that Asian men have small dicks?” “I need my yellow fever cured!” Raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by these statements ✋🙄 Dating as a minority in America is a unique experience for sure. For Asian Americans, the male and female experiences can differ vastly. Tune in today to hear Jeff and I talk about our own experiences facing racism in dating—we’ll bust some common stereotypes, discuss interracial dating, talk about Kpop and media representation, and so much more! OKCupid survey 2009-2014: https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060 My Kintsugi Mind-IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/

Guys, dating is scary, and sometimes it's hard to spot problematic behavior even when it's right there in front of you. "When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags." Today I list some of the major red flags in dating, how to spot them, how to look for GREEN flags, and basically just remind you that you are a badass individual and you shouldn't have to settle for anyone!  MyKintsugiMind-IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/

This week, I’m discussing a topic that’s not the most easy to talk about or hear about: eating disorders, body image issues, and a toxic relationship with food. I cover everything from how my ED started, the “crazy thoughts” I had throughout, and what recovery looks like.  Resource for approaching someone with an ED: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/eating-disorders/helping-someone-with-an-eating-disorder.htm MyKintsugiMind-IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/

Did you know that over EIGHTY FIVE MILLION families in the U.S. own pets? Love ‘em or hate ‘em, there’s no denying that animals have played a huge role in our lives. From guide dogs to therapy cats, animals have a unique way of making us feel better and calming us down. Today I talk about my emotional support animal, Tibby, what an ESA is, and the controversies surrounding ESAs. And remember: #adoptdon'tshop MyKintsugiMind-IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/ 

Help, I've fallen into a mind trap and I can't get out! Mind traps, or cognitive distortions, are those pesky little patterns of negative thought that can really ruin our day. "What if's" and "never"s can flood our brains and sometimes it feels like when you've spiraled, there's no stopping it. Fortunately, mind traps are very common and the solutions to them are straightforward. Check out: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C MyKintsugiMind-IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/

Today we have a special guest with us: Jeffrey Zhen, 28, senior software engineer at Indigo. Tune in to hear Jeff talk about his experiences switching from grueling, repetitive pipetting at a biochem firm (!) to doing something that he loves. Find advice here about how to switch careers, the importance of life-long learning, and the balance between passion and money. Jeff's Medium article: https://medium.com/@jeffreyzhen My Kintsugi Mind-IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/

There's no denying that COVID-19 has hit us hard, physically but also mentally/emotionally as well. With so much uncertainty and tension in the air, our mental health can suffer greatly, but sometimes in ways we don't even realize. On top of anxiety and depression, those with eating disorders, OCD, health anxiety, and domestic abuse are also being impacted--just to name a few. National Domestic Violence Hotline: (1-800-799-SAFE) Text LOVEIS to 22522 My Kintsugi Mind - IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/

"Daddy issues," fear of abandonment, self-sabotaging, distrust, and choosing the wrong partner--relationships are SO complicated. Turns out our childhood and upbringing actually play a big role in the way our adult relationships unfold. So no, it's not necessarily that you're "bad at love," and there are definitely ways to improve yourself and your relationships (phew!). Start here by finding out what YOUR attachment style is, and what you can do about it.  https://open.spotify.com/episode/6xCGvawUYvmS977N3wcXDr?si=I70wtmSMQv-Gb9a1t1ChKg https://open.spotify.com/episode/1ku0OoNCLmxWn9GK3Yeydh?si=xXJdCKdLQ-uoDjMCbTZ-oQ https://dianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjOowWxOXCg&t=47s My Kintsugi Mind - IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/ 

Therapy is becoming more and more common, but it can still be intimidating for a lot of first-timers. "Is it okay to break up with my therapist after one session?" "What can I talk about in therapy?" You'll find the answers here. Here's some advice on how to find a good therapist, how to prepare for your first session, some common red flags, and e-counseling versus traditional counseling methods. https://adaa.org/finding-help/treatment/low-cost-treatment https://www.psychologytoday.com/us https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html My Kintsugi Mind - IG: https://www.instagram.com/mykintsugimind/