The Todd-Marshall Delirium

We're Not Opening With Pig Brains in a Hot Pot

Catastrophic Depletion, Hire a Guy With Homicidal Ennui, and Enneagram 5 is the Barn Owl

Happyquinox! and Slightly Awkward, Barky Mandarin

Roll Up a Funny Little Devil's Cigarette, I Missed Seattle Grunge Entirely, and He Sinks His Emotions Into Bees

He Discovered He Had On a Green Hat

Schmoo: The Legless, Armless, White Fluffy Sperm Homunculus

Does Beaver Count as Fish?

Bakeries are to the French What Saunas are to the Finnish

The Widely Available Peep Show, Orange Shag Carpeting, and Avocado-Colored Appliances

An Ass-Ton of Dials, Knobs, Little Whirring Lights, Bits, and Buttons

A Rusty Trombone, You Did the Dog a Mercy, and Do the Inuit Have Frog Myths?

A Wee Bit of Christmas Delirium With Cuyler & Bryan

The Only Thing That Grows There is Fennel, Misery, and Peat Moss

A Cast of Deeply Unsavory Women, Dogs Would Rule the Landscape, and More Merciful Than Beheading, I Suppose

Calloused Half to Hell and Smelling Vaguely of Piss

The Great Emu War of 1932, Daddy Dick and Wife Dick, and You Can Pickle-Brine Chicken

Go Up, Thou Bald Head! Did You Get This From Zig Ziglar? and No, These Were Impaling Stakes

Better Than Isabuyler, Scraping Your Face Along the Wall, and This Rat Bastard Little Child

Fighting Over Toothpaste, Mucusy and Cold at the Same Time, and The Black Community is Not an Obelisk

His Typecast is "Benign Scumbag," A Weird Thing to Put in a Cemetery, and One of Those Ghastly Beheadings

They Look at My Refrigerator and Gasp, A Deep Splinter Imbedded in the Flesh, and His Nose Fell Off

A Lovely Totalitarian State, When the Dogs Begin to Smell Her, and Ike is Very Personable

Boiling the Hell Out of Seaweed, Please Avoid the Sniper's Bullet, and My Grandfather Died in a Potato Field

My Earwax is a Deep Amber, The Dentist Injector-Squeezer Thing, and Bring Back "Male Chauvinist Pig"

Hasengepelschdufeinenschwödenhetze

Please – Divorce Now, Before You Have any Kids

I Have Three Other Hogs Sniffling at My Truffles

I Don't Think Beating a Kid With a Stick is All That Effective

Whaddya, Stoopit?

An Espresso Machine, a Liquid Lunch, and a Pair of Rubber Bands

Zero Tolerance for Whimsy and Fantasy of Any Kind

Who's Spending $32,000 on a Misspelled Climax?

A Really Funny Thing to Hear Your Rabbi Say

His Coworker Has a Prehensile Tail

A Quiche Recipe With a Very Happy Ending

Very Handsome, Very Chill, and Extremely Dutch

Can You Pass the Catsup, Please?

All Living Creatures Will Eventually Evolve Into Crabs

Somebody Sneezed on the Croutons While Eating Bat Soup

Am I Demisexual?

I Bathe All My Kids in Raw Sewage

The Vanilla Ice Cream of Psychedelic Mushrooms

I Just Need to Fondle a Kiwi

Slay the House Down Boots!

One Day You Will Make a Woman Very, Very Angry

It's No Patagonian Toothfish, I'll Tell You That Much

Who Brought a Monkey to Lake Michigan?

Dusty, Snuffy, Sooty, Smoky, Turbid, Dreggy, Slimy, Smutty

French was Meant to Be Heard and Not Seen

In the Biological Muck of All Her Children