All Episodes
The Todd-Marshall Delirium — 239 episodes
Love as an Entanglement, a Closeness, a Binding, a Hold, a Touch, a Clutch, an Entwinement
I Think Rastafonkey is Dead, and The Other Polar End of Seasonal Affective Disorder
If One of You is Feeling Randy and the Other is Feeling Queasy
We've All Been Bifurcating Since LUCA, Would You Drop a "Gadzooks"? and My Fiancee Has Stopped Listening
In Terms of Shafts, It is Better to Give Than to Receive
That is Statistically, Biologically, Demonstrably, Categorically Impossible
Lower Bananas and Scalding Hot Oatmeal Into His Mouth
It's Not Cannibalism, It's Theophagy!
We're Not Opening With Pig Brains in a Hot Pot
Catastrophic Depletion, Hire a Guy With Homicidal Ennui, and Enneagram 5 is the Barn Owl
Happyquinox! and Slightly Awkward, Barky Mandarin
Roll Up a Funny Little Devil's Cigarette, I Missed Seattle Grunge Entirely, and He Sinks His Emotions Into Bees
He Discovered He Had On a Green Hat
Schmoo: The Legless, Armless, White Fluffy Sperm Homunculus
Does Beaver Count as Fish?
Bakeries are to the French What Saunas are to the Finnish
The Widely Available Peep Show, Orange Shag Carpeting, and Avocado-Colored Appliances
An Ass-Ton of Dials, Knobs, Little Whirring Lights, Bits, and Buttons
A Rusty Trombone, You Did the Dog a Mercy, and Do the Inuit Have Frog Myths?
A Wee Bit of Christmas Delirium With Cuyler & Bryan
The Only Thing That Grows There is Fennel, Misery, and Peat Moss
A Cast of Deeply Unsavory Women, Dogs Would Rule the Landscape, and More Merciful Than Beheading, I Suppose
Calloused Half to Hell and Smelling Vaguely of Piss
The Great Emu War of 1932, Daddy Dick and Wife Dick, and You Can Pickle-Brine Chicken
Go Up, Thou Bald Head! Did You Get This From Zig Ziglar? and No, These Were Impaling Stakes
Better Than Isabuyler, Scraping Your Face Along the Wall, and This Rat Bastard Little Child
Fighting Over Toothpaste, Mucusy and Cold at the Same Time, and The Black Community is Not an Obelisk
His Typecast is "Benign Scumbag," A Weird Thing to Put in a Cemetery, and One of Those Ghastly Beheadings
They Look at My Refrigerator and Gasp, A Deep Splinter Imbedded in the Flesh, and His Nose Fell Off
A Lovely Totalitarian State, When the Dogs Begin to Smell Her, and Ike is Very Personable
Boiling the Hell Out of Seaweed, Please Avoid the Sniper's Bullet, and My Grandfather Died in a Potato Field
My Earwax is a Deep Amber, The Dentist Injector-Squeezer Thing, and Bring Back "Male Chauvinist Pig"
Hasengepelschdufeinenschwödenhetze
Please – Divorce Now, Before You Have any Kids
I Have Three Other Hogs Sniffling at My Truffles
I Don't Think Beating a Kid With a Stick is All That Effective
Whaddya, Stoopit?
An Espresso Machine, a Liquid Lunch, and a Pair of Rubber Bands
Zero Tolerance for Whimsy and Fantasy of Any Kind
Who's Spending $32,000 on a Misspelled Climax?
A Really Funny Thing to Hear Your Rabbi Say
His Coworker Has a Prehensile Tail
A Quiche Recipe With a Very Happy Ending
Very Handsome, Very Chill, and Extremely Dutch
Can You Pass the Catsup, Please?
All Living Creatures Will Eventually Evolve Into Crabs
Somebody Sneezed on the Croutons While Eating Bat Soup
Am I Demisexual?
I Bathe All My Kids in Raw Sewage
The Vanilla Ice Cream of Psychedelic Mushrooms
I Just Need to Fondle a Kiwi
Slay the House Down Boots!
One Day You Will Make a Woman Very, Very Angry
It's No Patagonian Toothfish, I'll Tell You That Much
Who Brought a Monkey to Lake Michigan?
Dusty, Snuffy, Sooty, Smoky, Turbid, Dreggy, Slimy, Smutty
French was Meant to Be Heard and Not Seen
In the Biological Muck of All Her Children
Sometimes a Megalodon Will Show Up, and That's Really Bad
Lying Naked in the Rain on a Tin Roof in Uganda
And Boom! You're Horizontal in Wyuka
The Most ESFJ Sentence in the History of the English Language
A Very Valuable Lesson Which I Now Apply to Narcissists
May We All Meet the Dogs Someday, and Once Again Frolic Among Them
Industrial-Sized Server Farms of Actual Indian People
We're in Cahoots, the Pie and Me
I Imagine His Luggage Does Indeed Stink of Crustacean
I Only Vote for Candidates Whose Windows I Can Throw Bricks Through
There's Something About the Charlie-Brownness of This Whole Story
Too Much Funk in the Internet Kombucha
Cuyler Just Cannot Stomach the Wholesomeness
His Body is a Variety of Small and Large Pumpkins
Something About the Charlie-Brownness of This Whole Story
What Happens if You Microwave a Human Eye?
Mmmm ... Hospice!
Enough Epistemology to Ruin Your Dinner
The BeeGees Won't Sue Me, I Hope
A Poorly Groomed, Maladjusted Welsh Roommate Named Spike
My Time Machine Drops Me Off in a Broom Closet
Everybody There is a Freak of Nature
Use the Fire Extinguisher to Bludgeon Somebody
Fart, Poop, Pee, or Blow Your Nose
"I Shot the Sheriff" Meets "Hava Nagila"
Juno, the Sequel: Michael Cera Impregnates a Man
Get Away From That Tree and Stop Barking
I Just Finished Her Chapter About Willies
A Punch is a Fleshy, Slappy Sound
Her Mouth is Being Vacated by the Day
The Worship Leader's Campaign to Destroy Bryan Once and For All
Keep Pouring Jaeger Down His Throat Until He Turns Blue
Stop Tornadoes. Take Precautions. Use Protection.
Them That Ain't Sick is Dead
Isn't That a Euphemism for the Hanky Panky?
Jeremy's Post-Prandial and Ante-Jentacular Circumgyrations
He Snapped His Fingers and POOF! Tripled Her Supply of Garlic
A Little Peanut Butter Esophagus Combined With the Paranoia of Weed
A Tiny Handful of Barely Plausible Proof Texts
Can We Just Not Mention Jesus for the Next 100 Years?
A Colombian Necktie Would Be More Ethical, and More Pleasant
Guttural Monosyllabic References to Mud and Body Parts
You're Dumb and Stupid and That Was Not a Hill to Die On
"I Keep Finding Babies All Over My House."
A Torrential Outpouring of Viscera and Clot
Pulling a Small Fish Out of the Nose of an Equally Small Child
Bend Over Until You Feel Searing Pain, A Buildup of Phlegm, and Oh, the Lunk Alarm!
I Just Ate a Church Window, Assault Your Sinuses From the Inside, and Kerrygold Butter, as Well You Should
While I Was Taking a Leak, God Breast Ye Merry, and Japan is the Foreignest of Foreign
A Pianist in a Yakuza Bar, My Mouth Tastes Like Vomit, and Dwarves Who Have Their Own Spaceships
Conceptually Stretch a Donut, Nagasaki was All Socked In, and You Can Only Get There on the Dinghy
My Korean Burrito Taco French Fry Place, A Diaper Full of Cottage Cheese, and Discovering the Carcass of Jerry
Rack the Shotgun in Church, Go Dangle Your Own Participles, and The Metaphorical Meaning Within Metal Music
Paleontologically Speaking, We're Not a Sausage State, and Kindergarten-Simple Zionism
A Bill O'Reilly Rage Machine, Not a Gathering of Porpoises, and Our Never-Ending Fever Dream
Kill Off a Few Dickensian Children, Cinder Block Burpees, and One of the Best Thursdays of My Year
Get Raw Chicken Off My Hands, That Passed Through Your Urethra? and Republicans Hiding in San Francisco
Bryan Screws Up Don Quixote, A Weird Tumescent Outgrowth, and Throw Plato at the Wall
Start With Me Eating Bats, The Pooping Diminished Somewhat, and You're My Favorite Dominatrix
Time to Start a Bitch Hunt, Seventeen Pounds of Boogers, and Is Sbubby Dadaist?
A Beast of a Hell of a Hot Day, It Transcended Pizza, and Everything Despicable About New Jersey
Competition for the Sheepiest Sheep, Your Penchant for Haggis, and Get Away, Shrew!
A Buffway House, Wading in Plum Carcasses, and Boy, is God Horny
Her Rutabaga Spitballs, A Neighbor to Mayonnaise, and Pounded Pounded Pounded
Horses Outfitted in Gas Masks, It Was Just a Giant Turd, and Look Out for Venezuelan Grinders
Pinkman in Space, It Itches the Voyeuristic Curiosity, and Locked and Loaded With Bahasa Melayu
Grandma Fumbled the Recovery, You Have a Brothel Story, and Six Flags Over Urethra
Flip Flops in Xishuangbanna, Can I Get a Fourth-Order Effect? and F*** You, Chess People
It Buzzed Like My Lady's G-String, While You're in Ruurlo, and Barley Beef Jerky, Baby
Jane Austen's Kabuki Theatre, Paraguay is Bullshit, and A Couple Tubers Short of a Jazz Band
They Didn't Have Whappies, Do You Want to Go Kiki? and False Positives Up the Wazoo
Liquidy Giardia Sharts, The Goon in Overalls, and I Wouldn't Object to Balkan Food
Japanificated, Throw Yourself at the Ground and Miss, and A Notoriously Stinky Lunch
Irish Sunset-Colored Pee, Water Torture is Transcultural, and An Ironic Story About Cucumbers
When You Have a Sea Shanty, I Went to Wichita! and Bullshit Chicanery in the Admissions Office
Intergalactic Tweezers, Massive Welsh Inequality, and Great Donkey Teeth, Mr. Washingbeard
Nancy Crushes Pareto, An Angsty 17-Year-Old Ukrainian Adoptee, and I Would Tampa That Aspen
Challenge Day 21: It's All Visceral
Challenge Day 20: When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Go to Bed
Challenge Day 19: Green Tea and Nasty Film Critics
Challenge Day 18: Confidence Builder or Reality Check?
Challenge Day 17: Be the Avuncular Nanny
Challenge Day 16: Marty McFly and the Counterfactual
Challenge Day 15: The Day Before the Happiest Day of My Life
Challenge Day 14: Could You Just Learn to Listen?
Challenge Day 13: Fine. I'll Do the Deep Dive Myself.
Challenge Day 12: Can We Leave Hell Out of This?
Challenge Day 11: Not Gonna Throw Jack Under the Bus
Challenge Day 10: There's a Lady in My Kitchen, Crying
Challenge Day 9: Wait, History Doesn't Suck!
Challenge Day 8: No, This Needs a Deep Dive
Challenge Day 7: Is This ... Supernatural?
Challenge Day 6: I Get By With a Little Help
Challenge Day 5: Do Not Hire This Person!
Challenge Day 4: Three Interesting Characters
Challenge Day 3: How a Camera Ended My Torture
Challenge Day 2: What the Hell is an Antifragile Vacation?
Writing Challenge Day 1: Pulling Weeds With the Potato Chip Lady
Writing Challenge Day 0: I'm a Feeler-Perceiver, Dammit
The Temple of Clobbering Yourself, We Lost the Turing Test, and Where's the Reagan-Era Polyamory?
Þorrablót in Chicago, Lump Us in With the Pentecostals, and Fondled or Lacking in Wisconsin
Bring the Fish Axe Down Hard, I Could Clearly Locomote, and Hey, Your Fu is Upside Down!
Briefly Bearded Blue-Moon Bryan, I Miss Child Labor, and Tinkerbell Your Way Into Anything
From Panda Sex to Social Intercourse, Get Your Leopard G-String On, and Who Films a Christmas Movie in Bulgaria?
This One Features Mussolini, I Don't Want Scaly Penises, and The Banana Bread of Fast Food Hacks
Somewhere West of Bucksnort, Romper Stomper Bomper Boo, and You've Got Stage-Four Capitalism
Your Nickname is Meat Shield, Body-Checking a Tibetan Monk, and Rabbi Ben Just Escaped a Rave
Whiskey Dick's Doo-Dah Diner, It's the Phone Cops! and Standing There Slathered in Tar
Clubbing Baby Harp Seals, Five Feet and One Cunkt, and The Strange Caramel Center of Regret
From Ponderings to Punditry, Don't Kick a Woman in Her Grave, and I am a Card-Carrying Cumberbitch
Toilet-Inspired Popcorn, Beat a Man With Two Left Feet, and The Screaming Fetus on Your Shoulder
Bach on a Vuvuzela, A Somewhat Haphazard Sandwich, and Jiggle the Thing, Your Majesty
Nine-Toe Navidson, Got Me Some Hostages, and 14 Bible Verses About Choking
Diapers in Your Mother's Car, I Love a Good Pair of Arepas, and Beautiful Bumbling Baptism
Funhouse Mirrors in My Elevator, Debt Dodger Doug, and Happy Spooky, Everybody!
Butterscotch Frost, The Minister's Knife-Wielding Cat, and Axelrod is My Porn Name
Gerbils in Heaven, Did This Trigger Violent Retching? and Bunny is in the Meat Loaf
The Branken Blacket Test, Bowls of Boiled Peat Moss, and Don't Google "Jewish Hentai"
Operation Naked Savage, An Episode-Disrupting Belch, and My Sippy Cup is Robust
More Banana Than Human, Have You Tried Lipschitz? and Energy Shooting Out of My Eyeballs
Kowtow to Moneybags McGee, Cultured Aromas of Nazi Pigeons, and Where Are You, Stickney?
Like Watching Live Kidney Surgery, We Intersect Violently, and Don't Stab the Nice Man
Two Nasty Mushroom Trips, Should I Call Coco? and My Name is on Your Hospital
Corn on the Macabre, Mr. Sandman's Being a Bitch, and Not-So-Consensual Giraffe Sex
Orange Pips, Bankruptcy Levels of Blessedness, and Don't Bother Wearing Pants
Speaking of Cutthroat, The Nacho Ride to Eagle, and How Big are Thumbscrews?
Dog Parks are Petri Dishes, The Carcasses That We Eat, and When a Man Sits on My Face
Bone Tweezers for the Ticks, Peeing on the Third Rail, and Buford's Got the Apple Palsy
A Selfie With the Corpse, That's Probably Assault, and Your Cemetery is Now a Costco
Literally Tear Off Your Face, Dalí's Magic Checkbook, and We're Ugly but Hardworking
What I Don't Like About Topologists, Impossibly Fluid Play-Doh, and Sid the Torture Kid
Time to Order Your War Bride, A Bit of a Lexical Albatross, and Screw You, Chuck!
A Skin Flute in Mexico, Publicly Purée a Goldfish? and Daddy is in Superposition Right Now
Roy Spoils Yet Another Movie, PJ Doesn't Believe in Shakras, and An Accident at the Gasoline Pump
Novel Experiences With Weed and Chicken, Is it Dweezil? and Name Your Child Yip
How to Pistol-Whip a Pineapple, Andrea's Iron Rice Bowl, and I Was a Proper Cinephile
The Challenge: Day 21
The Challenge: Day 20
The Challenge: Day 19
The Challenge: Day 18
The Challenge: Day 17
The Challenge: Day 16
The Challenge: Day 15
The Challenge: Day 14
The Challenge: Day 13
The Challenge: Day 12
The Challenge: Day 11
The Challenge: Day 10
The Challenge: Day 9
The Challenge: Day 8
The Challenge: Day 7
The Challenge: Day 6
The Challenge: Day 5
The Challenge: Day 4
The Challenge: Day 3
The Challenge: Day 2
The Challenge: Day 1
The Challenge: Day 0
Catfish-Ridden Slime, I Got Grilled in Mexico, and From Which Orifice?
Bite the Wax Tadpole, Selfish Skinflint Freeloaders, and Is Amputation a Leading Indicator?
McClane's Bloody Feet, Is Dynamite a Plastic Explosive? and The Umwelt of a Housefly
Let Me Feed the Skinks, What a Farshtunkener! and The Biggest Moon We Know Of
We Give Salmon a Voice, Justify Your Sudden Yowling, and Middleditch Goes Meta
It's Like an Elephant-Pig, You Do a Great Gilbert Gottfried, and Why Saudi Women Didn't Drive
Turkeys Suck, Getting the Shits in Shigu, and I Hunger for Your Touch
Dirty Milk Daniel, You Don't Have a Cheese Plug? and Venomous Cobras All Over Delhi
Kissing Your Mermaid, the Digital Jesus Belt Buckle, and 25 Years a Longshoreman
That Guy is on Quaaludes, Run Yourself Off Into a Bog, and Those are the Poison Arrows!
Gratuitous Volleyball Insertion, Have You Seen Caden's Hair? and Go Easy on the Nooky
A Full-on Fugue State, Chocolate Eclair Taco Salad, and You Brought an Emmy to Work?
The Psychedelic Synagogue, 9,000 Bodies Buried Here, and Sex Lives of the Potato Men
Zahavian Signaling, Propelled to Make Virginia Scream, and Bubble Upon Bubble Upon Bubble
The Pandemic Killed Romeo, a Roomba Named Mingus, and I Only Date Geniuses
To Misquote Nietzsche, Outraged by Man Buns, and Look at the Big Brain on Atatürk
Marbled Cuyler Meat, Can I Enlist in the Ant War? and A Little Bit of My Pig Brain
Because You're Malleable, Jethro the Shaman, and Did You Say Dog Cancer?
Ruminating Among the Jesuses, Constipated Men of Power, and The Didgeridoo is Scaring Me
Luke Beheads Parking Meters, Nude in Cancun, and Toothpaste as a Proxy
Name the Peat Moss, Is Maslow Upside Down? and Stupid Objectives
Somali Pirates on Yom Kippur, Virgin Prostitutes, and Mushrooms Without Visuals
Taco Envy, Billie the Queen, and Going Presuppositional