What They Don't Say: Sexual Assault and Everything in Between

Life update! After taking a little over two months away from the podcast, Shannon is back to talk about something she’s never publicly discussed before: her rapist being sentenced to prison.She opens up about the emotional aftermath of trial, the complicated reality of “getting justice,” and why comments like “you’re lucky you got your day in court” may be doing more harm than people realize.Then she shares how discovering her perpetrator had been released from prison early, unexpectedly landed her in Washington DC advocating for changes to the military sexual assault legal system.Cheers!Check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.com/shopGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Sexual assault does not just impact the survivor. The impacts of it can often ripple through an entire family. In this episode, Shannon walks through the basics of what survivors wish their families understood, including how to respond when someone discloses and why trying to “fix it” can cause more harm. She also talks about family dynamics from the survivor side, including the difference between being active and passive in conversations about sexual assault and why it is okay to choose peace and self-preservation over constant correction. Finally, she answers a listener's question about alcohol and consent: "If both people were drunk, is it still sexual assault?" So, grab your drink and toast to the families who are willing to do better. Cheers!Find a rape crisis center near you: https://www.valor.us/get-help/Project Callisto: https://www.projectcallisto.org/Check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

The Epstein Files were supposed to bring transparency. Instead, they exposed what survivors already know: institutions protect themselves first.In this episode, Shannon sits down with Epstein survivor, advocate, and Founder, Jess Michaels, to unpack what’s actually happening with the Epstein Files, why the DOJ’s response matters far beyond this case, and what institutional failure looks like.But this conversation isn’t just about what went wrong. It’s about what we do when institutions don’t show up.They talk about how community care fills the gaps systems leave behind, why sexual assault is an injury first, and how the way we respond to harm can change everything. Follow Jess: https://www.instagram.com/jessmichaelsspeaks/Become a #WithYouToo App Beta Tester: https://withyoutoo.3joannes.com/Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceSend us a message: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Shannon sits down with Aaron Stone, a retired Army combat medic and survivor of sexual assault, to talk about what it means to live in silence for 18 years.Aaron was raped at 15 by someone he trusted. In the aftermath, shame became his motivator—shaping how he survived and why telling the truth didn’t feel possible for so long. He talks about freezing during the assault, then spending years pushing forward anyway, carrying what happened long into adulthood.This episode is for you if you’ve ever questioned why a man didn’t fight back, didn’t tell, or kept going like nothing happened. Cheers!Get in touch with Aaron: www.18winters.comBuy a Consent is Hot™ Hoodie: www.WhatTheyDontSay.com/shopGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

This week’s episode is a crossover conversation with Dave Markel from Sexual Assault Survivor Stories. This conversation centers around what survivors face every day: how people respond when a survivor shares their story, the misunderstandings that follow trauma, and the emotional labor survivors are often expected to carry. Shannon shares insight into the messy, painful, and confusing parts of her own journey, alongside the resilience and clarity that continue to shape her voice and her advocacy.This episode dives into day-to-day survival after trauma, relationships and intimacy, the legal process, and the importance of saying the things that too often go unsaid. Dave's SASS podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/33U3Vn4jGkzNf5weufDnjB?si=c1f725cf41044a06Send Dave an email: [email protected] Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceSend us a message and/or check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through Buy Me a Coffee . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In this episode, Ray shares her story of being abused at 13, and what happened when the people and institutions meant to protect her didn’t.This conversation explores coercion, fear, and trauma at a young age, as well as the lasting impact of being disbelieved, silenced, and pushed aside by a school system more focused on protecting itself than protecting a child. Ray shares what it’s like to grow up without language for what happened, and how institutional failure can be just as damaging as the abuse itself.If you were hurt when you were young. If the adults or institutions meant to protect you, failed. You’re not alone here. This episode is for you. Grab a blanket and get cozy. Cheers! Follow Ray on socials: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bluraybeyond/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@bluraybeyondBook mentioned: https://a.co/d/dZAuhkEGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us a message: WhatTheyDontSay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

Traumaversaries are the weird little days your body remembers even when your brain swears you are fine. In this episode, Shannon talks about what traumaversaries are and how to move through them without “should” -ing all over your needs.Whether you dread the date, forget the date, feel everything at once, or feel nothing at all, you are not weird, and you are not alone. If you love someone who has been through trauma and you want to support them better on the hard days, this episode will help you, too.Grab your drink and cheers to surviving the days you never should have had to survive. Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceBuy a Consent is Hot™ Hoodie: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

What does it take to feel safe enough to be close again?In this episode, Shannon and Lauren sit down with intimacy expert and trauma survivor Susan Bratton to unpack what rebuilding intimacy looks like after trauma. They talk about how communication builds safety, and why so many survivors struggle to feel touch without fear.Susan shares her story of healing after childhood abuse and how she learned to turn numbness into sensation and shame into sovereignty. It’s a conversation about presence, power, and the possibility of pleasure after pain, and a reminder that rebuilding intimacy isn’t about sex at all. It’s about coming home to yourself. Cheers!Susan: https://susanbratton.com/ Follow Susan: https://www.instagram.com/susanbratton/?hl=enGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out merch & more: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

There were 430,000 rapes in the UK last year. 5 in 6 women never report what happened to them. If reporting feels impossible, the system needs new paths forward. That’s why the organization, Enough, was created.Shannon sits down with Katie White, co-founder of Enough, and Dr. Maisie Johnstone, counseling psychologist and clinical lead, to talk about how they’re giving sexual assault survivors more choice and more agency through a self-testing rape kit, an encrypted place to record what happened, and a digital recovery platform for those who can’t access therapy.They discuss what sexual violence really looks like in the UK, the silence surrounding it, and how reframing words like “delayed realization” and “hyper-sexuality” could change the way we understand sexual assault and healing. Grab whatever’s in your glass and press play. Cheers!Checkout Enough: https://myenough.com/Follow Enough on IG: https://www.instagram.com/enoughtoendrapeFollow Enough on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@enoughtoendrape?lang=en Enough on Youtube: https://youtube.com/@enoughtoendrape?si=mA_Rtx-rLtQmInOjCheck out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

Life after sexual assault looks different for everyone, but no one talks about how it can change your dreams, your work, and your body’s capacity to keep going. In this solo episode, Shannon unpacks how sexual trauma impacts careers and identity, and what it really means to meet yourself where you are in the aftermath. She talks about adjusting to a new normal, why it’s okay to have one, and what strength looks like for who you are now. Let's get cozy and talk about meeting yourself where you are. Cheers! Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceTell the world that consent is hot: WhatTheyDontSay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In this episode, Shannon answers a few of the questions listeners have written in. Drawing from her own healing, a bit of research, and conversations with experts, she offers honest and unfiltered responses to the things survivors are often left wondering. She gets into: – What really counts as sexual assault (and why “gray areas” aren’t gray)– Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn explained– Coping with dissociation– Her honest take on therapy, including EMDR– Red and green flags when dating again after traumaGrab your favorite beverage and join Shannon for this survivor Q&A. Cheers! Learn how your state defines sexual assault: https://rainn.org/take-action/fight-for-justice/state-law-database/Check out the website (& merch!): WhatTheyDontSay.com Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

No one really prepares you for the first days after sexual assault. The confusion. The self-blame. The nonstop “am I crazy for thinking this?” thoughts. It can sometimes feel like your whole world is upside down, and like you’re the only one going through it.In this solo episode, Shannon talks directly to survivors who were recently assaulted, or are just starting to process what happened. She shares why your brain might be doubting itself, why your body feels off, and why needing rest is a non-negotiable.,If you’ve been asking yourself “Is this normal?” the answer is yes. You’re not broken, you’re not alone, and joy will find its way back to you, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.So grab a drink, get cozy, and let’s walk through this together. Cheers! Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out the merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send me an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In Part 2 of our conversation with trauma therapist Cindie Henrie, we talk about what it means for survivors to recognize their own predatory impulses and how anger can be both destructive and productive in the healing journey. We also unpack how trauma lives in the body, how survivors reclaim power through movement and sensation, and what the cycle of abuse can look like behind closed doors—including in places like Hollywood. Cindie brings insight into the minds of perpetrators, the mechanics of trafficking, and how manipulation, denial, and control play out across systems and relationships. It’s raw, it’s honest, and you should stop reading this description and press play already. Cheers!Los Angeles Therapy Network: https://www.latherapynetwork.com/Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Board Certified Expert in Traumatic Stress Treatment, LMFT, and BCETS, Cindie Henrie joins us to explore the psychology behind sexual abuse and survival. Cindie shares her experience working with high-risk youth, sex offenders, trafficking survivors, and the LGBTQIA+ community, offering a rare and honest look at the “why” behind predatory behavior. Together, we unpack how perpetrators often carry their own trauma and project it onto their victims, how survivors internalize abuse, and she introduces the "Trauma Triangle". A model in psychology of the victim, rescuer, and perpetrator that keeps people stuck in painful cycles.If you've ever found yourself asking, "Why did this happen?" this episode will help you start making sense of it. Strap in, this is a good one. Cheers!Los Angeles Therapy Network: https://www.latherapynetwork.com/Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out our website: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

We’re talking about what happens when you end up in another toxic relationship...one that looks a little too familiar. You saw the red flags. You stayed. Is that your fault?We’re also unpacking the sticky, complicated ways survivors of sexual assault sometimes attach to people who feel safe, like comfort, like healing, like maybe they’ll be able to put us back together. (Spoiler: that’s not their job.) We share our own attachments to people we thought could keep us safe forever and fix us, and why that isn't their job.This episode is about the patterns we don’t always want to admit, and the kind of honesty that can actually move us forward. Grab a drink, get comfy, and let’s get into it. Cheers!Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceOur Website: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

In this crossover episode, we sit down with Dave Markel, a retired police detective and host of the Sexual Assault Survivor Stories (SASS) podcast. Together, we explore the complexities of rape culture, the role of humor in conversations about sexual violence, and how trauma impacts the brain long after the event itself.Dave shares insight from his years in law enforcement and his current work with survivors, helping us bridge the gap between the systems that fail and the stories that deserve to be heard. Cheers!Check out Survivor School: https://www.survivor-school.com/free?ref=WTDSListen to Dave's SASS podcast:Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/33U3Vn4jGkzNf5weufDnjB?si=e27e90ebc492437eApple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/sexual-assault-survivor-stories/id1653248814Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out our website: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

No one really tells you what going to court for a sexual assault case is like. Not the emotional toll, the things you quietly give up along the way, or the things you gain. So… is it worth it? In this episode, we're pulling the curtain back on the process and the parts no one prepares you for. It was long, emotional, and exhausting. But it also helped us reclaim our voices and feel grounded in our stories. Whether you’re thinking about it, deep in it, or just curious, we’re sharing what we wish we knew. If you’ve ever wondered if going to court is worth it, this one's for you. So grab your favorite beverage and get cozy. Cheers!Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

We talk a lot about survivors and perpetrators. But what about the people caught in the crossfire? In this episode, we sit down with award-winning author and trained SANE (Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner), Dianne C. Braley, to talk about the often-ignored reality of secondary victims: the mothers, sons, daughters, and partners of those who cause harm. Her new novel, The Summer Before, is a raw, powerful look at what it means to love someone who’s hurt others, and how those closest to perpetrators are left to navigate their own trauma, shame, and silence. Dianne opens up about growing up with an alcoholic father, loving someone in active addiction, and how society has slowly made space for addiction, but still refuses to acknowledge secondary victims. As a former SANE, she also sheds light on the lack of support built into a system that asks so much of them. Inspired by real events, this conversation and her new book make space for a deeper, more honest conversation about healing. Cheers!Dianne's new book: https://a.co/d/hTXDdRyDianne's first book: https://a.co/d/alURwXKGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceCheck out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.comGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Magician and escape artist Gabriella Lester joins us to talk about surviving sexual assault at 16 years old and the brutal years that followed inside the Canadian legal system. From walking into court through the same door as her assailant’s mom, to being told she fought back “too well” for a longer sentence, to attempting to take her own life, Gabriella opens up about what survivors are never warned about.We talk about what it takes to stay alive when the world feels rigged, how your passion can play a part in your healing, and that it is possible to have a full life after sexual assault. We also answer a listener's question: “How do I find myself again after an identity crisis post-assault?” Cheers!Gabriella's Information:Website:https://www.gabriellalester.ca/Tedx Talk: https://youtu.be/QlE3yJw2G0c?si=8z6SDujhhwHDgv55Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thegabriellalester/?hl=enGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected] some merch? WhatTheyDontSay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

Sexual assault is one of the most violating experiences a person can go through, but why does it hurt so much? In this episode, we break down the impact of sexual assault in a way that actually makes sense. From what trauma does to the brain to how it strips away autonomy, to the way society twists the narrative- we’re talking about all of it. Healing isn’t linear, but understanding what happened to you is a step forward. Let’s talk about it. Cheers!Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected] merch: whattheydontsay.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)If you value these conversations and want to help us keep them going, one way to support is through ⁠Buy Me a Coffee⁠ . Your contribution helps us continue creating these conversations. And if monetary support isn’t accessible, rating the show, sharing an episode, or following along on social helps more than you know <3

What happens when the person your entire town admires is the same person who assaults you? This week, we sit down with Allyson Kreps, a child and family psychotherapist and survivor, to talk about the brutal reality of coming forward about sexual assault.Allyson shares her story of how Mark Langford, owner of Amic Lake Maintenance and Storage in Magnetawan, Ontario, drove her hours away from home and assaulted her. She shares her 6-year legal battle and how she fought for justice, not just for others, but for herself. We dive into the backlash survivors face when they speak out, the retraumatization of the legal system, and what it means to reclaim yourself after trauma. We also answer a listener question:
"How do you work through self-blame? Like logically knowing it wasn’t your fault but not believing it?"This episode is raw, powerful, and a testament to why survivors keep fighting, even when the world wants them silent. Cheers!Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected] to wear consent is hot merch? whattheydontsay.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Ever had a wild shower thought? Same. Ever had a million-dollar idea come to you in a dream? Well, Shirah Benarde did, and it was a game-changer. At just 16, she became the co-founder of NightCap, a wearable drink-spiking prevention product. Shirah joins us to talk about the frustrations of getting people to care, being a young woman in business, building communities that create real change, and the fight to make safety a priority. And remember... don't forget your NightCap. Protect your drink, protect your peace. Cheers! Get connected with Shirah & NightCap:https://nightcapit.com/?srsltid=AfmBOoquLeR_AUhZJmxLMdv6NsKrxHglXjQkohmuZ3RxTyTME3bYaorGFollow NightCap on socials: https://www.instagram.com/nightcapit/?hl=enhttps://www.tiktok.com/@nightcapit?lang=enFollow Shirah: https://www.instagram.com/shirahbenarde/?hl=enGet Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

We’re back, and so is Lauren. After five months off the mic (and, yes, a very real hiatus in our friendship), we’re reunited and diving right back into all the messy, complicated, and chaotic conversations you’ve been waiting for.In this episode, Lauren explains why Fletcher’s I Just Had Sex with My Ex hits a little too close to home (because, well... she did). We breakdown the reality of dating after trauma, how when you’ve been treated like garbage for so long, a “good guy” can feel foreign, even wrong. The pressure to want the right kind of love, even when your gut says no, is real. And Shannon shares a proposal story that went horribly wrong. We missed you, we missed this, and we’re so happy to be back talking with our friends again. Grab a drink, settle in, and let's chat. Cheers!Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Shannon sits down with Angelique Larsen, host ofLet's Talk About It, for a powerful conversation on her journey through multiple experiences of sexual assault and abuse. Angelique opens up about the unique challenges of navigating violent same-sex relationships and the emotional turmoil that comes with them. From dealing with abusive partners to the frustrating shortcomings of support systems (yes, we’re looking at you, Title IX), the two dive deep into the raw realities LGBTQ+ survivors face when seeking justice. Cheers!Our episode onLet's Talk About It:⁠https://open.spotify.com/episode/42ojoUhn6QYE2SUBxAAorf?si=b14b86a904944bf2⁠*It's episode 4 titled "What is Sexual Assault?"Follow Angelique:TikTok:https://www.tiktok.com/@anxgxlique?_t=ZT-8svqot9MgjW&_r=1Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/officialletstalkaboutitpod?igsh=MTF3MWEwdjNpZ2M1NA==Get Educated:www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]:https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok:https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

The holidays are supposed to be all about joy and good vibes, but let’s be real—sometimes they’re just a shitshow. For some, it’s loneliness, financial stress, reminders of loss, or the family drama no one wants to talk about (like being in the same room as your uncle, who also happens to be your rapist). In this episode, Shannon dives into why the holidays can be such a challenging time and how to protect your peace by setting boundaries. You’re not a bad person for saying no, leaving early, or skipping the cookie exchange to keep your sanity intact. Protect your peace—it’s the best gift you can give yourself this year. Take a sip of that hot cocoa, press play, and feel free to use this podcast as an excuse to be late to a gathering. Cheers Get Educated: ⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠ Tik Tok: ⁠www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

This week's episode is equal parts heartbreaking and historic. Derrick Hurley joins Shannon to share how his daughter was drugged and raped by a London police officer while attending nursing school in Antigua. This case grabbed international headlines, as the officer was extradited from the UK to Antigua to face justice—a historic move for a rape conviction. In this episode, they talk about the emotional toll of seeking justice, how he had to break the news to family and friends (after telling barely anyone for 4 years), and the complicated role faith played along the way. Ever heard the phrase, “God makes all things work for good”? Yeah, they're getting into that one today. They get real about the complex role religion plays in trauma, exploring how it can help and sometimes hurt. Grab your headphones and get ready for a conversation about faith, family, and the fight for justice. Cheers! (0:00) Introduction (46:26) Telling family and friends (52:33) Faith, Religion, and forgiveness after assault (1:03:46) Perpetrator impact statement (1:14:15) Biggest surprise throughout trial process (1:22:08) Sitting down with the assailant Derrick's Book: https://www.amazon.com/ANTIGUAN-JUSTICE-Fathers-Sexual-Assault-ebook/dp/B0C7LMTFPK Derrick's Email: [email protected] CNN Article: https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/13/us/antigua-rape-trial-extradition/index.html Get Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Shannon doesn’t usually tackle current events, but let’s be real—when P. Diddy, Harvey Weinstein, and Mike Jeffries are making headlines at the same time, it’s hard to ignore. In today’s episode, Shannon’s here to give a quick rundown of the criminal cases of three men with more money than morals, and apparently, no sense of decency. We’ve got a music mogul whose tracks don’t seem to include a value system, a Hollywood producer who apparently believes courtrooms are their new movie sets, and a fashion CEO who took “sex sells” a little too literally. No sugar-coating, just straight to the truth because pedophiles lost that right when they chose to touch kids. Grab your popcorn, and get ready for brutal truths—no filter, no mercy. Cheers! More info on the cases:https://youtu.be/Uo1Bznk66WI?si=UzZWKJ41j_nRnb8fhttps://www.foxnews.com/us/harvey-weinstein-new-york-court-hearing-retrial-sex-crime-casehttps://youtu.be/b8k2Rghjz2M?si=jai4rV90Hcrms9rOGet Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

What happens when the people sworn to protect us turn out to be the ones we need protection from? In this episode, the ladies sit down with Chris McGhee, a father whose world turned upside down when his daughter was assaulted by a police officer at the age of 15. The real kicker: the officer received a misdemeanor, no jail time, and no sex offender registration. If you're thinking "That’s not justice," you're not alone. Chris isn’t a lawyer, not even close—he’s just a pissed-off dad on a mission to pass Pennsylvania H.B. 1847, a bill that will make sure officers like the one who hurt his daughter are held to a higher standard. So, grab your drink of choice, and get ready for a gut punch of truth—this one’s a ride. Cheers!If you're a parent who has gone through something similar or want to know how you can help get the bill passed, Chris wants to talk to you! Chris McGhee: https://chrismcghee.com/Chris's Email: [email protected] Get Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In this solo episode, Shannon opens up about her dad’s sudden death (because if you're going to go, why not a plane crash, right?). On the surface, her dad was a comedic two-time Olympian and Nike athlete. But what was he like behind closed doors? A full-blown OCD narcissist. Shannon shares how she was told to "stay strong" and didn’t shed a tear for years, and how his early exit might’ve saved her from growing up with a not-so-great dad. She reflects on how it’s shaped her relationships with men, and whether or not she’s got some good ol' daddy issues. Grab your favorite beverage, get cozy, and welcome to the Dead Dad Club. Cheers!Get Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In this episode, the ladies dive into Em's story of domestic violence, coercion, and survival. For 15 years, she endured abuse at the hands of her former husband, who not only coerced her into fulfilling his dangerous kinks but also sex trafficked her. Under the guise of pleasing her ex-husband, Em was forced into situations she never consented to, including being advertised on Craigslist and hookup sites. Her ex-husband further violated her by distributing hundreds of intimate photos across the internet, engaging in what is known as revenge porn—images that still circulate today with no help from law enforcement. Em also opens up about the trauma of her experience, the challenges of navigating life with her personal images still being exploited, and the journey of healing as a single mother and recovering alcoholic. Em is reclaiming her power one day at a time. Oh, and they discuss some TV series recommendations because nothing sparks creativity like a boatload of trauma. Cheers! Read Em's Story (before you listen): https://www.thelovepost.global/coercive-kinks-how-my-ex-trafficked-me-and-how-i-survived/#:~:text=This%20is%20a%20story%20about,deeply%20harmful%20forms%20of%20exploitation. Get Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In PART 2 with Sheerin: We dive deeper into the Women's Advocacy Initiative, where Sheerin reveals how they're bulldozing the barriers that keep survivors silent after assault. Whether it's financial roadblocks, lack of information, or just plain not knowing your rights—let’s face it, we've all been hit by at least one of these hurdles. Sheerin also shares some of her own battles with addiction—rehab, trying heroin, and getting kicked out of school. It's time to reframe sexual violence for what it truly is: violence, plain and simple. Cheers! Women's Advocacy Initiative: https://www.wainitiative.org/ Get Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

The ladies sit down with Sheerin Gryloo, the founder of the Women's Advocacy Initiative. Together they truly shoot the shit and go on a rollercoaster of conversations from makeup to nose jobs, to how to truly be an advocate for yourself and the crossovers of battling addiction as a survivor. This is part 1 of an epic two-parter. Sheerin shares her experience of being what society would call "the worst kind of victim" to having no shame attached to her assault. This episode is truly unhinged, full of dark humor, experiences, and important conversations. If that sounds like your kind of episode, give it a listen! The Women's Advocacy Initiative: https://www.wainitiative.org/ Get Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In this solo episode, Shannon discusses the current controversy that's rising in the sports world: Steven van de Velde, the beach volleyball player convicted of raping a child, is set to compete in the Paris Olympic Games this year.Should Olympic athletes be celebrated solely for their physical capabilities? Should someone with a history of heinous crimes be allowed to represent the pinnacle of sportsmanship and national pride? Stand up, do some jumping jacks, and get ready for a passionate rant filled with questions, opinions, and controversy. Cheers!Read more about today's topic: https://www.today.com/news/sports/steven-van-de-velde-netherlands-volleyball-controversy-rcna159587 https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/27/sport/steven-van-de-velde-olympics-intl-spt/index.htmlGet Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceGot questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficialIf you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In part 2 of this two-part series, Lauren and Shannon continue their conversation with Tracy DeTomasi, the CEO of Callisto. Today’s episode builds off of the societal issues discussed in part 1 of sexual assault being a perpetrator’s problem and safety lists to dive into the solutions surrounding sexual assault prevention. Tracy dives into her work at Callisto and the technological solutions being key to the next wave of sexual assault prevention. Callisto is a platform that can match you with other survivors of the same perpetrator if you have a .edu email address and help you get the resources you need. The gals dive into some impactful statistics that have the power to debunk any sexual assault myths out there and Lauren shares a story of small personal growth. Cheers! Checkout Callisto: https://www.projectcallisto.org/ Follow Callisto on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/callisto/ Get Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In part 1 of this two-part series, Lauren and Shannon have on a powerhouse in the world of sexual assault prevention. Tracy Detomasi is currently the CEO of Callisto, a company using technology to change the face of prevention solutions. In part 1, the gals dive into the idea of rape being a “man’s problem” or really a perpetrator's problem. Tracy gives us insight into what it looks like to work with teen sex offenders and their pasts that led them to live the life of a perpetrator. She discusses the importance of getting to the root cause of rape and assaults answering the questions of why do perpetrators rape, assault, and have abusive tendencies? The real kicker in this episode though is the discussion of safety lists. If you are somebody who has struggled with blame and shame within your own trauma, this episode will provide you with an incredible insight into why survivors are so quick to place blame on themselves. Hopefully this insight can help you drop the blame and shame you hold, throw it on the ground and kick it into the Pacific Ocean. Or Atlantic. Or whatever ocean is closest to you. Give it a listen. Cheers! Check out Callisto: https://www.projectcallisto.org/ Get Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Today's episode dives into the questions and curiosity of so many listeners trying to decide whether or not a legal route is the right form of justice. Lauren and Shannon answer questions from listeners and shed some light on what the legal process looks like for a sexual assault case. This episode is lots of emotional advice with a sprinkle of legal, answering questions like: What if cross-examination destroys me?What if they think I’m a liar?How do I stay strong through this?Knowing whether or not you should pursue a legal case can be quite scary so this episode hopes to bring a sense of security and understanding so you’re not left in the dark. Get Educated: ⁠https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠Got questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠Tik Tok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

My Calvin's, your questions, but not my consent. Today the ladies are here to answer your questions and comments from a recent TikTok video discussing the parallels between the trial that Denim Day stemmed from and Shannon & Lauren's court-martial. Why would you keep the bra you were assaulted in? How did you get access to your trial files? Was your perpetrator found guilty? Naturally, they delve into a discussion about consent, exploring the notion that it's fluid and can be revoked at any moment you choose! Cheers! Video Referred to: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial/video/7362382615032220971?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7267593752914167342 Get Educated: ⁠ https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠ Tik Tok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Shannon and special guest, Lori Allen, have a conversation about teaching your kids about consent, what to do if your child says they've been assaulted, and what needs to happen for us to see change in the world of child sexual abuse. Lori is the Executive Director of the Gulf Coast Children's Advocacy Center, Gulf Coast Sexual Assault Program, and Healthy Start and Parents as Teachers of Bay County. This woman is a true badass who is on the forefront of creating change. Cheers! (0:00) Introduction (3:03) How did Lori get here? (6:40) Panama City’s spring break party history (12:00) Amount of children facing CSA & being comfortable with the conversation (16:33) Teaching your kids about consent (20:11) Impacts of CSA over time (23:54) What do you do if your kids tell you they’ve been assaulted? (28:04) Creating a child-friendly space (30:58) Civic policy work for CSA Resource mentioned: https://safersmarterkids.org/ Gulf Coast Children's Advocacy Center: https://www.gulfcoastcac.org/ Our Episode With Brent: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6AL2LaP2HYKPYVseyWQuuF?si=b0f0d4fb10cf4ac4 Get Educated: ⁠ https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠ Tik Tok: ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In this episode, the ladies dive deep into the unfortunate reality of how college athletes are protected at all costs by universities. Through the lens of issues at the University of Colorado Boulder, they discuss the hiring of perpetrators, misconducts that have been covered up, and the direct ties of schools with big sports teams and rape culture. But, this is not just a problem at their college, this is a universal University problem. Cheers! (0:00) Introduction (0:24) Do you want a hat? (4:07) Rape culture & college athletics overview (5:50) Cal Poly football player/assailant story (13:30) Ralphie handler on trial (23:38) CU's history with sexual violence (29:05) Deion Sanders concerns Articles referenced: 1) https://www.cuindependent.com/2024/04/10/buffs-ralphie-handler-remains-on-team-ahead-of-trial-for-sexual-assault/ 2) https://www.cuindependent.com/2024/04/10/cu-athletics-sexual-misconduct-raises-concerns-again/ Get Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In this solo episode, Shannon confronts her struggle with desensitization towards her own sexual assault and the ongoing denial she faces when reflecting on her assault. Moreover, she gets real, raw, and honest about feeling like her assault "wasn't that bad". Grab yourself a bubbly beverage, put on your cozies, and get ready to get personal. Cheers! Book mentioned: https://a.co/d/adtxAth Get Educated: https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Lauren and Shannon's conversation with Jeffrey Epstein survivor, Jess Michaels. On this episode the ladies talk about the impacts of being raped at a crucial developmental age, the neurobiology of trauma, the unique paths Jess took in order to heal and a whole lot more. Jess also shares her innovative sexual assault first aid company, 3Joannes, she founded. Cheers! (0:00) Introduction (3:14) Jess’s story (7:10) Perception of rape laws change response to SA (10:34) Learning others were raped by Epstein too (17:06) Stress hormones extreme impact on body (20:14) Creating safety and our nervous system (32:53) How Jess healed and neurobiology of trauma (37:31) Adrenal fatigue syndrome (50:19) Gaslighting ourselves (52:10) Look at SA as an injury (54:22) 3Joannes Jess’s business, sexual assault first aid (1:11:19) If we had SA first aid plan before it happened (1:15:08) 3Joannes Soft Launch & Callisto- perpetrator matching system  Jess Michaels: TEDx Talk: https://youtu.be/bJtjJiWAra8?si=ukdYFF-HgQic26ZK Callisto: https://www.projectcallisto.org/ End Rape On Campus Mapping Tool: https://endrapeoncampus.org/map-and-tool/ Perversion of Justice Book: https://a.co/d/24bPpO4 Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Lauren and Shannon delve into the complex relationship between sexual trauma, body dysmorphia, and disordered eating habits. They have a discussion about the influence of social media and advertising on our body image perceptions, reflecting on how even childhood experiences shape self-perception... why don't I have boobs but that girl does? Shannon shares her experience of disordered eating of turning to binging as a coping mechanism post-assault. Both talk about what it can be like to feel that your body doesn't deserve to be taken care of and how to begin to work through unhealthy eating habits. Cheers!Mindful Eating Resource: https://www.helpguide.org/wellness/nutrition/mindful-eatingGet Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Got questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

PART TWO: Special guest Zoe Schacht. What happens when you bring an assailant into the lives of those you care about? We've all heard about fight, flight, and freeze responses to sexual assault, but Zoe shares a 4th trauma response: fawning. From personal anecdotes to a technique (from her therapist) to help reclaim the power of your words after assault and during sex. She shares her experience dating someone who became an abuser who in turn, sexually assaulted her roommate. What happens when you bring an assailant into the lives of those you care about? How do you handle that guilt? Is it okay to miss your abuser? It's all discussed today. Cheers! Get Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

PART ONE: Special Guest Zoe Schacht shares her story about being molested at age 7 and talks about how child PTSD can manifest over time. Being pinned as a "survivor" from a young age forced her to grow up faster than most, and led her to being hyper sexual as a teenager. From dating older men whom she had no interest in being vulnerable with, to realizing she is a queer woman who can't receive oral sex... Zoe has been through the wringer. But, she has spent thousands of hours in therapy to make it out on the other side of her trauma. Tune in as she shares her personal experiences and wisdom on how to move towards reclaiming parts of yourself after trauma and accepting the rest. Cheers!Get Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Got questions? Have an episode idea?Send us an email: [email protected]: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

The ladies have a conversation with the Chief Operations Officer of the Gulf Coast Children's Advocacy Center; Brent Patrick. They discuss what the organization does, the relationship they've built with law enforcement and why it's making big change, and therapy bunnies. Cheers! Gulf Coast Children's Advocacy Center: https://www.gulfcoastcac.org/ Gulf Coast's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/gulfcoastcac/ Get Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Lauren & Shannon respond to YOUR sexual assault stories and answer a question from a listener "How often do you think about your sexual assault?" Two stories are shared from two different listeners. One is an example of medical assault; how several doctors took advantage of their power, pushed the boundaries of their patients, and the long-lasting impacts of it. The other is about someone who was assaulted in college, and how being sexually assaulted can cause a victim to recreate the scenario over and over again in an attempt to gain control. Not to mention all the substance abuse that comes after sexual assault. It is such an honor to be able to share personal stories from audience members and we are so proud of all of you. Thank you for letting us be a part of your story. Listen to this episode with the same respect you would your own personal stories. Cheers! Get Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Happy Valentine's Day you sexy people! We know today is supposed to be all about love, self love, and relational love... but we can't talk about those things when some of you incredible people are dating an emotionally abusive narcissist. Today the ladies discuss what being in a narcissistic relationship actually is, the telltale signs, and how to get out this type of relationship. Is your partner not who they were at the beginning of your relationship? Do they rarely express empathy? Are they incapable of doing wrong? If these things sound familiar, tune in to see if you are in a relationship with a full-blown narcissist. Grab an ice-cold beverage, your boo, and buckle up for a reality check. Cheers! Some super informative stuff on narcissism: https://www.jordanharbinger.com/dr-ramani-how-to-protect-yourself-from-a-narcissist-part-one/ Get Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In this week's therapy session... Lauren candidly shares her journey to break free from her routes of relationship stubbornness and toxicity, emphasizing that in a healthy relationship you can't hide beneath your old ways of toxicity. The gals explore the idea that being in a truly healthy relationship requires continual self-improvement, rejecting toxicity, and embracing the need for therapy. Shannon tackles the challenges of securing a "big girl job" in a society that tells you your value lies in what you do for work. She also discusses unwanted encounters with people connected to her past of a cheating ex-boyfriend and how going to the gym is not a good time. Get cozy with your favorite cup of tea because it's therapy time. Cheers! Get Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

In this episode, the ladies delve into the unsettling reality of friends behaving unexpectedly during the sexual assault court process. Join them as they share two personal scenarios where friends either disappeared, hired attorneys to evade subpoenas, or painted victims in a bad light while testifying. They even read a portion of a witnesses testimony and break it down in attempt to understand why people might act that way. You want and hope your friends will be there through thick and thin... but that's not always the case. Court, investigations, and sexual assault can make people act way out of the ordinary. Grab yourself your favorite bubbly beverage and give this episode a listen. Cheers! Get Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Shannon shares her story on how she was sexually assaulted. Hear her truth. Cheers! Get Educated: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Tik Tok: w⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ww.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)