ADHD Realities

If you've ever been told you're just lazy, that you lack willpower, or that GLP-1s are some dangerous experimental drug — this episode is going to piss you off in the best way. Dr. B sits down with obesity medicine specialist and lipidologist Dr. Spencer Nadolsky to cut through the noise and get into the actual science of GLP-1 medications — what they are, how they work in the ADHD brain specifically, and why ADHDers may be experiencing them differently than anyone's talking about. They go deep on food noise (and why it's not just "being hungry"), the dopamine-reward connection, sexual desire changes, anhedonia, PCOS, binge eating, loose skin, and the very personal reality of what it's like to be an ADHDer on a GLP-1. Oh, and Dr. B drops her own 84-pound journey — including the moment she cried in a parking lot over a pistachio cookie. In this episode: What GLP-1s actually are and where they came from (yes, including the lizard) Food noise vs. hunger vs. cravings — they are not the same thing Why the ADHD reward pathway means GLP-1s may hit differently for us The real conversation about anhedonia, flatness, and sexual desire changes PCOS, insulin resistance, and the ADHD overlap nobody's screening for Binge eating disorder and ADHD — the research, the shame, and the relief Bio: Dr. Spencer Nadolsky brings over a decade of expertise in obesity medicine, with board certifications in obesity medicine and lipidology. Since becoming a doctor, he has helped 1000s of patients lose weight and improve their quality of life through innovative healthcare delivery platforms. Dr. Spencer also has fun, educational social media content where you can laugh and learn at the same time. Find Dr. Nadolsky: Instagram: @drnadolsky | Clinic: joinvineyard.com | Podcast: Docs Who Lift ADHD is not a monolith and neither is your relationship with food, your body, or medication. This is educational content based on research and clinical experience, not therapy, not a diagnosis, not one-size-fits-all. Your experience is layered and specific to you. If you're struggling, work with a qualified professional. 

Everyone has an opinion about porn. Almost nobody is looking at the actual research. In this episode I am doing what I do in my human sexuality classroom on day one — separating what we actually know from what we have simply been told, repeatedly and loudly, until it started to sound like fact and those are not the same thing. We are talking about why "porn addiction" does not exist as a clinical diagnosis and what that means. We are talking about the research that was rejected, the diagnostic manual that said not yet, and the finding that should have completely changed this conversation — but didn't, because it doesn't sell anything. We are talking about dopamine mythology, the desensitization narrative, what the violence research actually shows, and why the NoFap movement is a belief system with a marketing strategy, not a clinical intervention. And we are talking about ADHD because your brain is being caught in a narrative that was never built with you in mind — one that takes a nervous system doing exactly what it's supposed to do and calls it broken...again. I have spent more hours than I want to admit reading this research. Pulling primary sources. Analyzing methodology. Looking at every claim through both a researcher's lens and a clinician's lens. What I found is that a significant portion of what is being handed to you as settled neuroscience is ideology wearing a lab coat. You deserved to know that. So here it is. Every study and article referenced in this episode is linked below. The supplies are there. Go read them. Critical thinking means doing your own work — I'm just here to show you where to start. This is educational content based on research and clinical experience — not therapy, not a diagnosis, not one-size-fits-all. Your experience is layered and specific to you. If you're struggling, work with a qualified professional.  Reference Links: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5775124/ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S027273582600019X https://www.psychiatryonline.org/doi/10.1176/appi.books.9781615379279.lg01 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33038740/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29412013/ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/2167702620922966 https://akjournals.com/view/journals/2006/14/1/article-p131.xml https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1277583/full https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2405844023020418 https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1240222/full https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11930-023-00380-z https://publichealth.jmir.org/2021/10/e32542 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9295218/ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10374865 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33774451/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26185674/ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/364356755_RebootNoFap_Participants_Erectile_Concerns_Predicted_by_Anxiety_and_Not_MediatedModerated_by_Pornography_Viewing https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26095441/ https://cdn2.psychologytoday.com/assets/Ley-PornAddictionReview.pdf https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5039517/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26606725/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26372200/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32661813/ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-025-03199-y https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32691692/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37309642/ https://www.semanticscholar.org/paper/The-association-between-pornography-use-and-sexual-Loutzenhiser-Arrighi/58de0d7a9d2f485ed03e810544bd9b45e0c0b3df https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343108786_Pornography_and_Sexual_Aggression_Can_Meta-Analysis_Find_a_Link https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/08862605241299442  

This episode goes everywhere — but somehow still lands exactly where it needs to. I sat down with Elle Stanger, AASECT certified sex educator and longtime sex worker, to talk about the massive cultural confusion surrounding sex work, sex trafficking, criminalization, and morality. What unfolds is a chaotic, honest, ADHD-style conversation about: why society constantly conflates sex work with trafficking how criminalization increases harm the role of religion, shame, and social narratives why people struggle to hold two truths at once ADHD brains, stimulation, and unconventional career paths how autonomy and variety can make certain environments more accessible for neurodivergent people We also talk about masking, strip club economics, freelance life, trauma narratives, media portrayals, and why nuance is so hard for people to tolerate. No script, no clean outline....Just a real conversation about sex, power, stigma, and ADHD brains trying to make sense of the world. To find more on Elle: Website The Talk Sex Podcast IG

You've seen the posts: "Never date someone with ADHD" vs "ADHD is a superpower." Both sides are loud, both are pissed, and both are missing the point. Most relationship research measures executive function, not love. And when we use neurotypical relationship standards to evaluate ADHD partnerships, we're measuring the wrong shit. In this episode, I break down what the data shows, why the parent child dynamic happens, and what accommodation looks like when you stop pretending ADHD brains work like neurotypical ones. ADHD doesn't ruin relationships, but unmanaged symptoms, rigid expectations, and zero accommodation? Yeah, that'll do it.

If you've ever been told you're "lazy," "not trying hard enough," or "just lack discipline"... yeah, this one's for you. I sat down with ADHD educator Kendall Delamont for a conversation about what ADHD really is and all the bullshit it's not. We're talking about why ADHD isn't a moral failing or a time management problem, why the internet's dopamine obsession is mostly wrong, and why generic ADHD advice is basically set up to make you feel like shit. We get into the real stuff: Why ADHD traits get turned into character judgments ("if you really cared, you wouldn't be late") Why systems stop working — and why that's completely normal, not evidence you're broken Self-diagnosis: when it's helpful, where it gets messy, and why you need follow-through Supplements, wellness grifters, and the role of confirmation bias Parenting ADHD kids when you're ADHD yourself: lead with education, ditch the shame Living in the "messy middle": building systems that work most of the time, because perfection is fake The bottom line?  ADHD isn't one thing. It's a your brain thing — and moving forward means actual education, self-compassion, and systems designed for real human brains, not fantasy ones. Find Kendall: theadhdtoolkit.com | @theadhdtoolkit Bio:  Kendall Delamont holds a B.A. in Behavioural Sciences, a B.Ed., and certification as an ADHD Educator. She spent 8 years teaching in the classroom before creating The ADHD Toolkit– a series of in-depth, research-based courses designed to support people with ADHD and the people who love them. Thanks to her own ADHD diagnosis, Kendall brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. She's passionate about equipping others with practical tools designed to work with the ADHD brain rather than heaping on shame, guilt, and ineffective viral trends.  Kendall also empowers over 200k followers across her social media platforms with practical strategies, relatable experience shares, and ever-advancing scientific research.

In this episode of ADHD Realities, I’m unpacking why the way we talk about desire — especially in heterosexual relationships — has never sat right with me. For years, we’ve framed libido differences as “higher vs. lower drive,” quietly centering access instead of capacity, and calling it neutral. It isn’t. We talk about what happens when desire gets mistaken for entitlement, why fluctuating desire (especially in women’s bodies) is so often pathologized, and how ADHD, nervous system regulation, hormones, perimenopause, menopause, stress, and life stage all shape access to desire in ways effort alone can’t fix. I also dig into why “weaponized incompetence” is frequently misapplied in these conversations, why desire is a state — not a skill — and what real accountability actually looks like when two people want different things. This episode isn’t about blaming men, excusing shutdown, or telling anyone to settle. It’s about honesty, capacity, compatibility, and knowing when a relationship can be redesigned — and when it can’t. This is not a how-to episode. It’s a reality check. Because no book, podcast, or framework can replace the work of understanding your own layers and deciding what kind of relationship truly works for your body, your brain, and your life.

In this episode, I’m joined by Caitlin V, sex and relationship coach, researcher, and host of Good Sex, for a conversation that is giving male pleasure the nuance it deserves. We unpack why so many men experience sex as pressure instead of pleasure and how performance anxiety shows up as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, or complete shutdown, often without anyone naming what’s happening. This isn’t a “just relax” or “take a pill” conversation. We talk about: Why performance anxiety is less about control and more about tension—physical, emotional, relational, and neurological How porn, cultural scripts, and silence around male pleasure shape insecurity and self-monitoring Why many men are hyper-focused on their partner’s experience while completely disconnected from their own bodies The role of breath, pacing, communication, laughter, and nervous system regulation in sexual control How ADHD can complicate arousal, stimulation, and orgasm—for better and worse Where premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation may  be adaptive responses Why male pleasure is culturally minimized while male performance is overemphasized We also dive deep into Erotic Blueprints and how naming arousal styles can radically shift shame into curiosity, creativity, and agency. This episode is for: Men who feel like sex has become a test they keep failing Partners who don’t understand why “trying harder” makes things worse Clinicians and educators who want a more humane, body-based framework for male sexuality Anyone ready to stop treating sex like a machine problem and start understanding it as a whole-person experience If you’ve ever wondered why sex feels harder instead of more connected—or why no one ever gave you the blueprint—this conversation is for you. More on Caitlin V: Check out her book Harder, Better, Longer, Stronger: Science, Skills, and Secrets for the Best Sex of Your Life Website Youtube

“She has energy for everything else — just not for me.” This episode unpacks one of the most common and damaging misunderstandings I see in relationships, especially when ADHD and autism are part of the picture. We’re talking about why energy isn’t about effort, love, or priority, it’s about access, executive function load, and nervous system cost. And why, in heterosexual relationships, women are so often carrying the emotional and executive labor of the relationship until there’s nothing left. This isn’t about blaming partners or making blanket statements. It’s about understanding how unexamined expectations, gendered roles, and neurodivergent burnout quietly erode connection and why personalizing that burnout keeps couples stuck. You won’t leave with neat answers. You will leave more informed, more curious, and better equipped to stop turning nervous system limits into personal rejections. Disclaimer: This episode is education, not therapy. I’m sharing clinical observations and recurring patterns, not diagnosing, treating, or solving anyone’s relationship in 18 minutes. The point here isn’t to walk away with neat answers, but to walk away better informed, less stuck in the wrong stories, and asking different questions about what’s happening.

What happens when sex therapy is built for brains that don’t work like yours? In this episode, I sit down with clinical sexologist, researcher, and former dissertation chair Dr. Erika Miley for an unfiltered, deeply nerdy, and very human conversation about ADHD, sexuality, and why so many people—especially cis women and AFAB individuals—are still being failed by the research and clinical models meant to help them. We talk about the massive gaps in ADHD and sexuality research after puberty, the harm of moralized language in scientific literature, and why traditional sex therapy approaches often increase shame instead of pleasure for neurodivergent clients. We dive into attention, arousal, distraction during sex, performance pressure, and what can help ADHD brains stay engaged—without pathologizing them. This conversation is part research deep-dive, part lived experience, and part call-out to the field: if clinicians aren’t trained in neurodivergence, they’re going to miss the mark. Whether you’re a provider, a researcher, or someone with ADHD who’s been told to “just relax” or “be more present” during sex—this episode will make you feel seen and give you language for what’s really going on.   More about Dr. Erika Miley: Dr. Erika Miley, PhD, LMHC, CST, is a sex therapist, sex researcher, whose work centers ADHD, neurodiversity, and sexual functioning for AFAB folks. She founded TwoX Labs and teaches clinicians evidence-based, trauma-informed continuing education. An AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Supervisor in training, she is currently accepting supervisees.  She hosts TwoX Labs as well as The Soft Science, both you can find anywhere you get your podcasts and YouTube.   Socials: @drerikamiley (Insta, Tiktok, YouTube)  

Every January, the world expects us to reinvent ourselves like we’re software updates — new routines, new habits, new personalities. But ADHD brains aren’t failing resolutions… resolutions are failing us. In this Extra Hot, no-BS episode, I break down exactly why New Year’s resolutions collapse for ADHD minds (especially if you’re juggling work, parenting, sensory overload, or perimenopause chaos). We get into the science of executive function, dopamine drop-off, time blindness, emotional regulation, and why Dr. Russell Barkley deserves a shrine for explaining ADHD better than half the self-help industry. You’ll hear the truth about: 🔥 Why “fresh start energy” feels amazing… until February hits 🔥 Why neurotypical goal culture gaslights ADHDers into feeling broken 🔥 How perimenopause and parenting drain the exact functions resolutions rely on 🔥 Why shame and perfectionism murder motivation 🔥 Why habit culture is basically fanfiction for neurotypicals 🔥 And what actually works for ADHD brains (it’s not discipline) Plus, a listener Q&A that dives into ADHD activation issues, autistic sensory load, PDA demand avoidance, nervous system shutdowns, and how to build goals that support your brain instead of suffocating it. If you’ve ever set a resolution, bought the planner, color coded the pens, made the vision board, and then abandoned the whole thing by week two… this episode will feel like oxygen. You’re not the problem. The system is. And your brain deserves scaffolding, not self-gaslighting. Press play. Let’s tell the truth about January.

Why are we still recycling 1800s pseudoscience about masturbation? In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Eric Sprankle to unpack where these beliefs started, why they stubbornly survive, and how moral panic replaces real science. From fetal self-soothing to porn ‘addiction’ myths, to why ADHD brains often get misdiagnosed — we hit every uncomfortable truth with humor, clarity, and zero shame. More about Dr. Eric Sprankle: Dr. Eric Sprankle is a professor of clinical psychology at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He is also a licensed psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist affiliated with the Minnesota Sexual Health Institute. He received his doctorate in clinical psychology from Xavier University in 2009, completed a two-year post-doctoral fellowship in sexual health at the University of Minnesota Medical School in 2011, and was awarded tenure in the psychology department at Minnesota State University in 2017. Dr. Sprankle is the author of the recently published book, DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation. Book Instagram Website

What if your “rotting brain” isn’t rotting at all — it’s regulating? In this fiery, science meets sarcasm episode, Dr. Leann Borneman breaks down the viral panic around rot culture and doomscrolling — and explains why most of the research behind it was never designed for ADHD brains in the first place. We’ll talk about: Why scrolling funny, happy, or comfort content isn’t “doomscrolling” (and why everyone’s using that term wrong) How weak neurotypical studies turned into moral panic headlines about “screen addiction” The ADHD paradox of being overstimulated and bored at the same damn time Why shame — not screens — is what’s frying our nervous systems And how to figure out whether your scrolling is regulation or avoidance With humor, science, and a few well-placed f-bombs, Dr. Borneman flips the conversation on overstimulation and teaches you how to decode your own dopamine, not demonize it. 💥 Maybe the problem isn’t screens — maybe it’s our refusal to see nuance. 🎧 Listen now. Resources:  Executive Function 101 Ebook References: Fabio, R. A., & Suriano, R. (2024). The Role of Smartphone Use in Sensory Processing: Differences Between Adolescents with ADHD and Typical Development. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 21(12), 1705. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph21121705 Ferreira, Julia & Silva, Roberta & Hamuche, Carolina & Nascimento, Rafael & Ribeiro, Ana & Gil, Saulo & Melo Neves, Lucas. (2025). Positive ADHD Scores are Associated With Higher Screen Time and Anxiety Symptoms in Medical Students: Cross-sectional Study. Actas espanolas de psiquiatria. 53. 494-503. 10.62641/aep.v53i3.1892.  Meng Z, Ao B, Wang W, Niu T, Chen Y, Ma X, Huang Y. Relationships between screen time and childhood attention deficit hyperactivity disorder: a Mendelian randomization study. Front Psychiatry. 2024 Sep 23;15:1441191. doi: 10.3389/fpsyt.2024.1441191. PMID: 39376970; PMCID: PMC11457377. Przybylski AK, Weinstein N. Digital Screen Time Limits and Young Children's Psychological Well-Being: Evidence From a Population-Based Study. Child Dev. 2019 Jan;90(1):e56-e65. doi: 10.1111/cdev.13007. Epub 2017 Dec 13. PMID: 29235663. Shabahang, Reza & Hwang, Hyeyeon & Thomas, Emma & Aruguete, Mara & McCutcheon, Lynn & Gábor, Orosz & Hossienkhanzadeh, Abbas Ali & Mokhtari Chirani, Benyamin & Zsila, Ágnes. (2024). Doomscrolling Evokes Existential Anxiety and Fosters Pessimism about Human Nature? Evidence from Iran and the United States. Computers in Human Behavior Reports. 15. 100438. 10.1016/j.chbr.2024.100438. 

Why were we all labeled “too much” before we ever got a diagnosis? Let’s interrupt that story. This week, I sit down with Dr. Gilly Kahn — psychologist, mom, and author of Allow Me to Interrupt: A Psychologist Reveals the Emotional Truth Behind Women’s ADHD. We unpack the late diagnosis epidemic, the emotional toll of masking, rejection sensitivity, and how outdated diagnostic criteria still leave girls unseen. Gilly and I talk about what it really means to reclaim your identity after years of self-blame, why emotional dysregulation deserves a front-row seat in ADHD conversations, and how empowerment starts with unlearning shame. If you’ve ever been told you’re “too emotional,” “too reactive,” or just “too much,” this one’s for you. More about this weeks guest: Gilly Kahn, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, mother, and writer. She specializes in neurodiversity and emotion regulation and provides individual therapy in Atlanta, Georgia. When she is not seeing clients or mommying, you’ll usually find her writing, probably about something psychological. Gilly’s debut book titled, Allow Me to Interrupt: A Psychologist Reveals the Emotional Truth Behind Women’s ADHD, is now available for preorder. You can learn more about Gilly by visiting her website. Follow Gilly on  Instagram

Is porn really rewiring your brain? Does masturbation harm relationships? Or are we caught in cultural shame scripts that make normal behaviors feel dangerous? In this episode, I unpack the research, from claims about erectile dysfunction and “porn addiction” to the ICD-11’s take on compulsive sexual behavior. Drawing from my clinical work with 100+ men, I explore how moral incongruence, secrecy, and shame—not masturbation itself—fuel distress. If you’ve ever wondered what the science actually says, this conversation will give you clarity, nuance, and maybe a little relief. References: 1. Antons, S., Brand, M. Diagnostic and Classification Considerations Related to Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder and Problematic Pornography Use. Curr Addict Rep 8, 452–457 (2021). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40429-021-00383-7 2. Beáta Bőthe, István Tóth-Király, Popova, N., Nagy, L., Mónika Koós, Zsolt Demetrovics,Potenza, M. N., Kraus, S. W., Ballester-Arnal, R., Dominik Batthyány, Bergeron, S., Joël Billieux, Peer Briken, Burkauskas, J., Cárdenas-López, G., Carvalho, J., Jesús Castro-Calvo, 3. Chen, L., Ciocca, G., & Corazza, O. (2025). Identification and comprehensive characterization of moral disapproval and behavioral dysregulation-based pornography-use profiles across 42 countries. Journal of Behavioral Addictions. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.2024.00054 4. Engelhardt, R., Geppert, R., Grubbs, J. B., Timo von Oertzen, Trommer, D., Maes, J., & Kraus, W. (2025). Problematic pornography use and psychological distress: A longitudinal study in a large US sample. Addictive Behaviors, 169, 108398–108398. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2025.108398 5. Grubbs JB, Perry SL, Wilt JA, Reid RC. Pornography Problems Due to Moral Incongruence: An Integrative Model with a Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. Arch Sex Behav. 2019 Feb;48(2):397-415. doi: 10.1007/s10508-018-1248-x. Epub 2018 Aug 3. PMID: 30076491. 6. Ince, C., Fontenelle, L.F., Carter, A. et al. Clarifying and extending our understanding of problematic pornography use through descriptions of the lived experience. Sci Rep 13, 18193 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-45459-8 7. Karol Lewczuk, Agnieszka Glica, Iwona Nowakowska, Mateusz Gola, Joshua B. Grubbs, Evaluating Pornography Problems Due to Moral Incongruence Model, The Journal of Sexual Medicine, Volume 17, Issue 2, 2020, Pages 300-311, ISSN 1743-6095, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2019.11.259. 8. Singareddy, C., Shrestha, S., Zheng, A. et al. Prospective Association of Symptoms of Depression and Anxiety with Pornography Viewing Frequency Among Young Adults. Arch Sex Behav 54, 749–759 (2025). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-024-03024-y 9. Vieira, C., & Griffiths, M. D. (2024). Problematic Pornography Use and Mental Health: A Systematic Review. Sexual Health & Compulsivity, 31(3), 207–247. https://doi.org/10.1080/26929953.2024.2348624 10. Walther A, Ehlert U, Komlenac N. Problematic pornography use as an externalizing depression symptom in cisgender men: A cross-sectional questionnaire study. J Behav Addict. 2025 Sep 8. doi: 10.1556/2006.2025.00070. Epub ahead of print. PMID: 40920476.    

In Episode 25 of ADHD Realities, I sit down with the brilliant Lauren Elise Rogers—holistic sexuality educator and embodied intimacy coach—for one of the most raw, liberating conversations yet. We dig into how early scripts of shame shape women’s sexuality, why confidence in the bedroom is sexy as hell, and how unlearning old conditioning lets us reclaim play, curiosity, and real pleasure. Lauren shares her own journey, the power of the “3-Minute Game” for couples, and how shifting from unconscious patterns to conscious choice transforms intimacy. We also explore how porn became the default sex ed (and why that’s a problem), how parenting with warmth and openness breaks cycles of silence, and why our kids need affection, not shame, as they grow into their own sexuality. This episode is equal parts education, vulnerability, and empowerment—you’ll walk away with tools, insights, and probably a few tears (I sure did). More information for Lauren: Lauren Elise Rogers is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy & Relationship Coach, celebrated for her warm and approachable style. Her holistic and embodied approach to education and coaching is deeply rooted in her own pain-to-purpose journey. Lauren brings an empathetic and non-judgmental approach, offering practical tools that empower her clients to take ownership of their pleasure and grow in confidence and connection. She is known for creating shame-free spaces, where she invites individuals and couples to navigate complex topics like long-term partnerships, consensual non-monogamy, life transitions, purity culture and LGBTQIA+ issues.   SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS: Website: www.sexedforyou.com Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@sexedforyou Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sex_ed_for_you/

Ever been mid masturbation and thought, “Why am I analyzing this toy like a product review instead of actually enjoying myself?” Or maybe the opposite, you’re left wondering if your clit is broken because nothing’s happening. In this episode of ADHD Realities, Dr. Leann Borneman dives into how vibrators interact with ADHD brains and sensory processing differences. From overstimulation (too sharp, too loud, too much) to understimulation (too mild, too boring, not enough), we’ll break down why these experiences happen, and what you can actually do about it. You’ll learn: The concept of sensory load shifting...why partner control changes the game, and how to recreate that effect when you’re solo. Practical strategies to dampen sensations when toys feel overwhelming. Creative ways to amp up sensations when toys aren’t hitting enough. How context like lighting, sound, hormones, stress, shapes your experience more than you think. Because vibrators aren’t broken, and neither are you. It’s all about finding the right settings for your brain and body. Check out Dr. B's Sensation Spectrum Toy Guide

Erections, testosterone, fertility, penis size—men’s health is full of myths, shame, and bad TikTok advice. In this episode, I sit down with Urologist Dr. Justin Dubin to cut through the noise and get real about what’s actually going on with male sexual health. We talk about why erectile dysfunction can be an early warning sign for bigger health issues, how testosterone really works (and what kills your sperm), what to know about Peyronie’s disease and penis pumps, and why shame keeps so many men from getting help. This conversation is blunt, funny, and packed with facts your doctor probably hasn’t told you. If you or your partner have ever wondered what’s “normal,” this episode will change the way you think about men’s health. More info on Dr. Justin Dubin: Dr. Justin Dubin is a Urologist who specializes in Men's Health including sexual medicine and male infertility at Memorial Healthcare System in South Florida. Justin grew up in Wayne, NJ and graduated from Johns Hopkins University with a degree in Biology. He attended Rutgers Robert Wood Johnson for medical school then completed his training in Urology at the University of Miami followed by his Andrology fellowship at Northwestern University.  Dr. Dubin is passionate about men’s health and education with the goal of improving both the lives of men and their partners. He has published multiple papers on both male infertility and sexual health, has been quoted in the NY Times, Insider, GQ, The Cut, USA Today, and Men’s Health and is the current co-host of the men’s health podcast Man Up: A Doctor’s Guide to Men’s Health through which he hopes to destigmatize men's health topics and motivate men to improve their overall lives. Where you can find Dr. Justin Rubin: Website Instagram Tik Tok The Man up Pod 

If you’re an ADHD mom wondering why everything feels louder, harder, and more exhausting lately, then this one’s for you. In this episode, Dr. Leann Borneman gets real about the absolute chaos of motherhood with ADHD, and why the invisible labor, relentless demands, and sensory overload aren't just “part of the job”, they’re a setup for burnout. And if you’re also in perimenopause? Buckle up, because the hormonal shifts do mess with your ADHD symptoms and regulation, even if the research hasn’t caught up yet. We’re naming the rage, the noise, the overstimulation, and the deep, quiet guilt so many moms carry. This episode is validating, raw, and full of “oh my god, yes” moments, with some practical support to help you stop masking, start protecting your nervous system, and finally say, “this isn’t fine, and I’m not doing this alone". Because the problem isn’t that you’re failing, it’s that the world expects you to mother like you’re not neurodivergent or hormonal. And if you're looking for receipts, a new position paper published in July 2025 finally backs what we've been saying for years: hormonal fluctuations absolutely impact cognition, mood, and executive function. This peer-reviewed paper compiles extensive data to support the link between hormonal shifts and changes in ADHD symptom presentation across the lifespan. 👉 Read Article Here

What do you do when you realize you’re completely disconnected from your body, burned out, and expected to maintain a thriving sex life? In this episode, I sit down with psychologist, certified sex therapist, and author Dr. Kate Balestrieri to talk about her new book What Happened to My Sex Life?—a raw, real, and relatable exploration of desire, disconnection, resentment, and the slow road back to pleasure. We talk about: How burnout, patriarchy, ADHD, and resentment erode desire What “reclaiming pleasure” really means (hint: it's not about lingerie and sex toys) Why sex therapists aren’t immune to desire struggles How to start reconnecting with your body without overwhelming yourself The emotional labor and invisible scripts tied to heteronormative desire expectations What it means to want intimacy but still feel "meh" about sex—and how that doesn’t make you broken This one is honest, validating, and a powerful reminder that your sexuality isn’t gone—it might just be buried under all the bullshit. More info on Dr. Kate Balestrieri:  Dr. Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D is a Licensed Psychologist (Clinical and Forensic) in CA, FL, NY and IL. She is a Certified Sex Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist – Supervisor, and PACT III trained couples’ therapist. The Founder of Modern Intimacy, a nationwide therapy practice, Dr. Balestrieri is a passionate advocate for mental, relational and sexual health. Throughout her work, Dr. Balestrieri focuses on helping people build resilience and recovery from what ails them to move from a position of pain or discomfort to one of thriving, holistically in their lives. Dr. Balestrieri is the author of What Happened to My Sex Life? A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection and Pleasure, and is the host of the Get Naked with Dr. Kate podcast. You can find Dr. Kate Balestrieri on: IG/Tik Tok: @drkatebalestrieri YouTube: @ModernIntimacy

In this no-BS solo episode, I dive headfirst into the relationship narrative that’s wrecking ADHD partnerships... the idea that "if you cared, you'd just show it." You probably do care. Your executive function is just struggling with the neurotypical expectations attached. I break down why ADHD brains struggle with “prioritizing” in the ways neurotypical society expects by explaining the real role of executive function barriers, environmental cues, and those WTF moments. This episode is packed with: Real talk about working memory, task initiation, and time blindness ADHD-friendly ways to actually show up for your partner (without shame) Why forgetting isn’t failing—and planning your love is still love A solid reminder that intention does not equal execution, but both deserve compassion Whether you’re the ADHD partner feeling like you're constantly falling short, or the one wondering why your person never “just remembers,” this episode is a must-listen. Because your love is real. You just need a roadmap—and maybe a few post-it notes. 👉 Share this with your partner (or therapist). Let’s rewrite what prioritizing love actually looks like for ADHD brains. Follow me on IG: @bornemanpscyhotherapy Interested in working with me? Check out my Website

In this episode of ADHD Realities, Dr. Borneman sits down with Dr. Jessica McCarthy a licensed neuropsychologist and clinical psychologist, for a no-BS, deeply validating conversation about what it really means to live with ADHD in a world not designed for our brains. Together, they unpack the messy middle between medical models and neurodiversity movements, and explore the danger of relying too heavily on diagnosis as identity. This isn’t just another “what is ADHD?” episode, it’s a raw, unscripted look at self-compassion, environmental disconnects, grief, and the hard truth that sometimes… effort alone isn’t enough. Expect laughs, F-bombs, and real talk about: Why the pendulum swing from pathology to “ADHD is a superpower” leaves people unsupported The social media myths that do more harm than help Diagnosing vs. functioning and what schools actually get right The difference between support and avoidance And how both professionals are navigating this in their personal lives too Whether you’re newly diagnosed, long time late diagnosed, or just trying to figure out why nothing seems to “work”, this episode is your reminder that you’re not lazy, but there is work to be done in ways that work with our brains and the realities, not against them. 🎧 Grab your coffee, put your phone on do not disturb, and let’s get radically honest. Who is Dr. McCarthy?  Dr. McCarthy is a licensed clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist, specializing in neuropsychological and psychoeducational assessments and cognitive-behavioral therapy for children through adults. She focuses on neurodivergent populations, including ADHD, autism, and learning differences, and conducts medically-driven assessments for conditions like TBI, stroke, and dementia. Dr. McCarthy uses evidence-based behavior therapies such as ACT and CBT, and enjoys working with young adults and women of all ages navigating life transitions. Her approach emphasizes understanding the brain-behavior relationship and providing actionable recommendations for patients and families. She has worked in schools, medical settings, and private practice, offering a wide range of specialty care. Dr. McCarthy is also a recognized speaker and media contributor on topics related to neuropsychology and mental health.   How to find Dr. McCarthy? Website IG: @elements_psych @dr.jessica.mccarthy  Check out the new office location in Chatham, NJ

What if the systems we move through every day like school, work, life, were actually built to support the way our brains work, instead of working against us? In this episode, I sit down with my longtime friend and neurodiversity advocate Dave Thompson to unpack what real inclusion looks like in the workplace. From childhood diagnosis to system level change, Dave shares how his personal and professional experiences collided into a career focused on redesigning the workforce for neurodivergent success. We talk about: The emotional complexity of disclosure at work Why accommodations aren't just for some people—they benefit everyone How AI tools like ChatGPT can be liberating or limiting depending on who's steering the ship And how Gen Z is forcing workplaces to finally catch up This conversation isn’t just about jobs, it’s about dignity, autonomy, and building environments that actually work. Whether you're an ADHDer navigating the 9 to 5, a manager wanting to do better, or someone just tired of masking, this one’s for you. Website Rebranding The Brain: Neurodiversity at Work | Dave Thompson | TEDxDanville

Ever felt totally in the mood... until your clean skin, mental fatigue, or the idea of grabbing the lube made your brain shut down? In this intimate solo episode, Dr. Leann Borneman dives deep into the real life overlap of ADHD, executive function shutdown, sensory overload, and the confusing disconnect between wanting sex and being able to access it. This isn’t about low libido, it’s about bandwidth, task sequencing, overstimulation, and the environmental mismatch so many ADHDers face in the bedroom. With raw honesty, relatable humor, and practical strategies, this episode validates the “WTF is happening to me” moments and helps you reframe them with compassion, clarity, and collaboration. Whether you're a therapist, a partner, or someone with ADHD trying to make sense of your own intimacy patterns, this one is for you. ADHD Informed Bedroom Check In

If sex has ever felt like a confusing chore, a pressure-filled performance, or just… not designed with your brain in mind, you are not alone. In this episode, Dr. Leann Borneman sits down with bestselling author and sex therapist Dr. Laurie Mintz (📚 Becoming Cliterate, A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex) for a raw, hilarious, and deeply validating convo about orgasms, desire, and a little on how ADHD + sensory differences can shape our sexual experiences. We tackle: The orgasm gap and why it’s not your fault The myth of "foreplay" and why it’s time to rewrite the script Vibrators, high-vibration receptors, and the neuroscience of pleasure ADHD overstimulation, sex paralysis, and the magic of planning without pressure Responsive vs. spontaneous desire—and how most of us were never taught the difference Whether you’ve faked it, avoided it, or felt broken for not wanting it—this episode flips the script and reminds you: pleasure should work for your brain, not against it. 👉 Listen in and give yourself permission to reimagine sex on your terms. More information on Dr. Laurie Mintz: Dr. Laurie Mintz is an Emeritus Professor at the University of Florida teaching Human Sexuality to hundreds of undergraduates yearly. She has published over 60 scholarly works and authored two popular press books: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It  and A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex.  Mintz is a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in private practice. She is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, indicating her work has had a positive national influence on the field of psychology. In 2023, she was named one of Forbes “50 over 50” women innovators. Dr. Laurie Mintz Contact: Instagram Website

Why does receiving oral feel like work for so many vulva owners with ADHD? This episode unpacks it all: the sensory chaos, the internal monologue that won’t quit, the vulnerability overload, and the executive dysfunction that makes "just enjoy it" feel like a cruel joke. I dive deep into: How gender scripts, shame, and ADHD intersect in the bedroom Why “let go and enjoy” is NOT trauma-informed advice What overstimulation, masking, and delayed self-awareness look like during oral Real talk on orgasm grief, communication challenges, and reclaiming your pleasure If you’ve ever tapped out mid-oral because your nervous system was screaming louder than your partner’s praise, this one’s for you. You are not broken. Your brain just wasn’t designed for the script you’ve been handed. Content note: This episode contains honest conversation, humor, and a whole lot of validation, but is not a substitute for therapy. Please work with a qualified professional if you're experiencing distress.

In honor of National Masturbation Month, we're getting real about how self-pleasure, stimulation, and sensory seeking show up in ADHD brains. This isn’t just about orgasms — it’s about regulation, shame, curiosity, and reclaiming your body on your terms. Whether you’re navigating sensory overload, executive dysfunction, or internalized judgment around pleasure, this short episode breaks down why masturbation can be a form of self-care, not self-indulgence. We’ll unpack the overlap between stimming and sexual touch, how ADHD impacts self-exploration, and why some of us struggle to even initiate solo time. If you’ve ever felt frustrated, disconnected, or unsure of your pleasure patterns, you’re not alone — and you’re definitely not broken. Disclaimer: This episode is for educational purposes only. While it’s hosted by a licensed mental health provider, it is not a substitute for individualized mental health care. Think of it as a sprinkle of support to add to your backpack of knowledge — something to walk with on your journey of self-understanding and empowerment. Let’s get curious, not critical.  

In this hyperfocused, myth-busting deep dive, I’m joined by ADHD nutrition research expert Annika Angelo and we go all in. From sugar cravings and red dye panic to gluten, binge eating, and why sitting down for a full “balanced meal” might be working against our ADHD brains... this episode is packed with science, laughter, and so much validation. We explore: Why people with ADHD crave sugar (and why it’s not a moral failure) What the research actually says about food dyes, gluten, and dairy The real connection between binge eating and ADHD How nutrition is often set up through a neurotypical lens What an ADHD-friendly plate really looks like (spoiler: it’s not just broccoli and discipline) Whether you're a parent feeling food guilt, an adult ADHDer who lives off snacks and vibes, or just someone confused by all the conflicting advice online, this episode will leave you feeling more informed, less judged, and maybe a little mind-blown. 🧠✨ Because ADHD isn’t a discipline problem. It’s a different brain. And we deserve more fitting narratives! Links for Annika: Website - nutrimindcoaching.com Patreon - patreon.com/nutrimindcoach Podcast [The Nutritional Mental Health Podcast] - https://open.spotify.com/show/1OZgEmTw9WO00Xxz5XUuBN

In this episode, I sit down with somatic sexologist Sarah Silverstein to explore therapeutic yoni massage and its connection to ADHD, trauma, body awareness, and pleasure. We dive into what yoni mapping actually is, how it can support nervous system regulation, and why it may be helpful, especially for my fellow ADHDers looking to reconnect with their bodies. ⚠️ Disclaimer: We discuss G-spot stimulation and internal orgasms. If that’s not part of your experience, you are not broken, everyone’s anatomy and pleasure responses are different. Much of this conversation is based on personal and professional experience and is not supported by empirical review outside of the information on message therapy and the positive effects this has. Please listen with curiosity, compassion, and discernment. If this works for you, amazing. If not, that’s okay too. ✨ Topics include: Yoni massage vs. clinical pelvic work ADHD, sensory overwhelm & intimacy Shame, sensuality & self-awareness How to explore pleasure without pressure 🔗 Follow Sarah: https://www.instagram.com/sarahsilverstein 🌐 Learn more & explore workshops: https://sarasil.com 🎙️ Subscribe for more episodes on ADHD, sexuality, and mental health

What happens when you mix neuroscience, lived ADHD experience, and zero tolerance for shame? This episode. I sit down with Dr. Ludovico Saint Amour di Chanaz (neuroscientist, author, and ADHDer) to unpack the chaos of late diagnosis, burnout, identity grief, motivation struggles, and why self-compassion isn't just nice... it's necessary. We’re talking ADHD cycles, why routines feel impossible, the not so sexy truth about sleep, and how to stop hating yourself for having a human brain. If you're tired of “just try harder” advice then this one’s for you. Contact info for Dr. Ludovico Saint Amour di Chanaz: Ig: https://www.instagram.com/brain.curiosities/ The ADHD User's Manual: https://www.amazon.com/ADHD-Users-Manual-Understanding-Empowerment/dp/8409668696/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1J3RNTJMXZZ4N&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.uqoe5Wr8kQfU8krtFg8jvNE3CjtWcd1pEIyKOJZ2Kq1A0SQV7k-IvP84ioI9J4fq6o7y984537VPux4JxEgXeuU4N0mMF-LPKV0cUnZQssWVr4q4qAlPFxXfTe6FG0aEPxqdXYdaSILUtzpvyXwJuOjfniyuXJTXrQFXuq9dKzHEzki4iVcYn81Fz-g_cVCHR_xNSqg2FU4N7gAthQ55qUS74Itfw5WWM0Ew9HMDW2Y.UydnfNGdnbDYWEO9oEaKfgNHXQQGcnMwFPDC2ZY5RYM&dib_tag=se&keywords=adhd+users+manual&qid=1743954684&sprefix=adhd+us%2Caps%2C1279&sr=8-1

People pleasing isn't just a personality quirk, it can be a deeply ingrained survival strategy, especially for ADHDers who grew up masking, over apologizing, or craving external validation. In this episode, we dive deep into how ADHD impacts people pleasing in the bedroom, where saying "yes" when we mean "maybe" or "no" happens more often than we realize. You'll gain a stronger ADHD informed lens on your sexual and emotional experiences, learn why your brain might default to over-accommodating, and discover practical, shame free ways to reconnect with your desires. We’re talking scripts, boundary setting tools, and communication shifts that actually work with your ADHD brain, instead of against it. This episode is your permission slip to stop abandoning yourself in intimate moments and start showing up authentically, awkwardly, and powerfully.

Desire is a powerful force in our intimate lives, and when you add ADHD into the mix, understanding it becomes even more crucial. In this episode, I sit down with Natassia Miller to dive deep into all things desire from what it is, the common misconceptions, and how hormones influence our experiences. We’ll also discuss the role of communication in navigating intimacy and explore creative ways to make playtime more inviting. Whether you have ADHD or love someone who does, this episode is packed with insights to help you better understand and embrace desire in your relationships. For more information on Natassia: IG: https://www.instagram.com/natassiamiller Website: https://www.wonderlust.co Intimacy Deck (Use code LEANN15): https://www.wonderlust.co/intimacy-card-deck Art of Sexual Desire Masterclass: https://www.wonderlust.co/desire-masterclass

In this episode, we’re diving into the fascinating connection between ADHD, BDSM, and sensation seeking. If you’ve ever wondered why your ADHD brain craves intensity, novelty, and deep sensory experiences, this one’s for you! We’ll explore how BDSM can provide the structure, stimulation, and dopamine rush that many ADHDers naturally seek, whether it’s through impact play, power dynamics, or sensory exploration. Shockingly, there is no published research directly examining the link between ADHD and BDSM....yet. My upcoming research could be the first to shine a light on this connection and what it means for ADHDers exploring kink. In this episode, we’ll break down the myths, discuss the importance of consent and communication, and share how embracing your unique wiring can lead to a more fulfilling sex life.

In this episode of ADHD Realities, we’re tackling a topic that doesn’t get talked about enough; porn use, compulsive behaviors, and how ADHD plays a role. As ADHDers, our brains crave dopamine, and that can sometimes lead to patterns of porn consumption that feel hard to manage. We’ll break down the myths, explore how ADHD and impulsivity intersect with porn use, and discuss when it becomes a problem. Plus, we’ll talk about self compassion, healthy boundaries, and how partners can navigate this together.

Many of us with ADHD experience sensory processing challenges, and these don’t simply switch off during playtime. This is a common theme not only in my personal life but also in my work with clients in my clinical practice. It’s important to remember that both ADHD and sensory processing exist on a spectrum, meaning experiences can vary widely from person to person. The goal of this episode is to provide insight and empowerment, helping you become more mindful of whether sensory processing challenges might be contributing to any disconnect in your playtime.

 I am feeling all the feels this week as I reflect all the workI am doing with my clients and the continued work on my research. On this episode I take the opportunity to just spew my thoughts in a chaotic way (leaning into my ADHD loud and proud). I go over the impact of desire discrepancies in our relationships and how perimenopause/ menopause can make things harder when we are not empowered with the knowledge and support to help set our relationships and playtime up for success. Dr. Laurie Mintz- Becoming Cliterate: https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Cliterate-Orgasm-Equality-Matters/dp/0062664557/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1VBQRTF58KM6A&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.7Zoopr6zcZWdvAdpddlzSChstRbVELREugIQZJdAHvQcPHY-ihgTA0skOQlFW-v0yiMLzCG-Whu6HtCPaRJCcQ.koAHm_G8YWLvEDGAEcOKSHavYBFfx4KnXj5LwCk49WQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=becoming+cliterate+dr.+laurie+mintz+book&qid=1737992751&sprefix=becoming+cliterate%2Caps%2C127&sr=8-1 Dr. Emily Nagoski- Come Together: https://www.amazon.com/Come-Together-Science-Creating-Connections-ebook/dp/B0BHCYHKS2/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3U19WI1E8EX7H&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.sZ3DEDRnUISgyeIJHrrVruEmK9kNa0VEAt1UqeLaghnnXVNuWzO0hPhABN6xMzh3Y3bNx4wXNTykMwG-ZguUlFDf0SX2XOG4WIxrgRnecpypdgIMxvmVKyj451dWr5nojxBr-wRhSFIi0DsfTh2Ho-qAdeHpp2z3Y__ke0GXcoYehm79tIGihPri4Bd6n-By9be89tTweD7O4z4UQQxPY8pRTl-jJasMDi0M39cVliw.MSMVpMroHqqSEOEEqdUK2uYs08eme7vWi3KzmYV9LUQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=come+together+emily+nagoski%2C+phd&qid=1737992779&sprefix=come+together+%2Caps%2C95&sr=8-1 Dr. Mary Claire Haver- The New Menopause: https://www.amazon.com/New-Menopause-Navigating-Through-Hormonal/dp/059379625X/ref=sr_1_3?crid=8658T46NRYNF&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.eUOWa_TN0sXbFLm_ms-bN-BpNzAoaMx6G1TjuQWVueldEf8fwvLIISpxO5Ho2d37uArNcMQ1P35nGCzWEvSrhP5AZloLq6JijA7yfSkXH8yAOHDjJi-akKaz8EDv7sWMDnzY5ic4oo4_FHNvaMObH1hQfDt6tTC7E1pi-mva_tYn5FkvPR5GKLCdgq7JMQ9DHNuVywXezteZWu2CJngPyNcHDAeF9R7YZqsfZfWEz8w.pt-hI8R1Y7yrDZMunDyNRCX6B_u8Vee-DxW6vVCd-nQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=new+menopause+book&qid=1737992834&sprefix=new+meno%2Caps%2C172&sr=8-3 Desire Cards- Use code LEANN15- https://www.wonderlust.co/intimacy-card-deck

I’ve noticed that hypersexuality can be a hot topic, but unfortunately, it’s often misunderstood. There’s actually quite a bit of research out there about ADHD and its connections, but I’m concerned about how ADHD is sometimes unfairly blamed for hypersexuality. So, I’d love for you to join me in this 20-minute episode as I dive into what we know about ADHD and hypersexuality, and share some of my thoughts and concerns on the matter. Here is a link to a recent 2024 article used as a source to the information discussed in this video: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science...

In this episode, I'm excited to chat about something that’s been causing quite a stir in our community: the difference between intimacy and sex, and the frustrations professionals have around it. Intimacy is such a vital part of our relationships, and it’s super important for us ADHD women to feel empowered and confident in expressing our needs, especially during playtime. A lot of folks might not stop to think about how expectations can shape our experiences especially when we talk about ADHD, but I’m here to share why they’re so crucial for our satisfaction in intimacy and playtime.

Let't get into how ADHD plays a role in playtime and some steps to help you make playtime more enjoyable again. 

Episode 1:  Let's chat about something really important, ADHD and low desire. We all know that living with ADHD can come with its own set of challenges, and I want to share some common stressors that I've noticed among my clients dealing with low desire.