This Is Why We Can't Have A Podcast!

This week we start with a hat, somehow detour through quilts, graduation chaos, dirty soda bars, widow guilt, PTSD triggers, and TikTok judgment — then get interrupted by a man attacking the hedges. Honestly, very on brand.

Happy Friday, and welcome back to This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast. This episode starts with an alleged wife-for-boat trade involving frozen catfish and somehow spirals into chef-related crime stories, UFOs, AI interview scams, Great Value corn warnings, Taco Bell chaos, Criminal Minds connections, how to gird your loins, and why Anderson Cooper may or may not be an alien.

We’re back after a rough week, and this episode comes in hot with emotional whiplash, Monday morning tequila, widowhood honesty, dating disappointments, and a full breakdown of why adults need more gumption. Ashton opens up about loneliness, vulnerability, and missing the kind of companionship she had with Jake, while Jen brings the chaos with quilting updates, UK podcast dreams, Scotland plans, and a wild influencer murder story from across the pond. It’s messy, heartfelt, funny, and exactly why we can’t have a podcast.

This week, we’re talking secret-service connections, AI business makeovers, $41 million lottery dreams, what we’d buy if we won, and the old-money families who somehow lost billions. From the Vanderbilts and Astors to George Bush, streaming subscriptions, and our usual accidental spiral into death… this is exactly why we can’t have a podcast.

This week, we’re recapping everything from our chaotic Vegas trip to the emotional rollercoaster that hit way harder than expected.We’re talking Broadway raves, questionable Uber drivers, and why apparently the only thing getting action lately… is the dog 🐶🙃But it’s not all chaos—this episode takes a turn into the real stuff. Grief, triggers you don’t see coming, and those moments that hit you out of nowhere (like watching someone hug their spouse and realizing how much you miss it).We also get into insecurities, enneagrams, and what we’re actually struggling with behind the scenes—because let’s be honest, we’re all carrying something.Oh—and if anyone knows where to rent a “dad for a month”… asking for a friend.This is why we can’t have a podcast.

This episode is coming to you LIVE (and very unhinged) from the Las Vegas airport… sitting by the men’s bathroom ✈️😂We had big plans for a polished Vegas episode… but clearly, you’ve met us.This week: One of us forgot underwear and had to go full commando in Vegas 😳  We survived the Sphere + Wizard of Oz experience (and yes… we caught apples 🍎)  We discovered wild Vegas facts (including buried towns and $39 MILLION slot wins 💰)  And we officially confirmed… we are NOT bad momsBecause after hearing the most unhinged Uber parenting story ever, our mom guilt? Gone. Immediately.Also expect: 👉 Hotel chaos (missing soap, pillow drama, and near Karen moments) 👉 Vegas observations you can’t unsee 👀 👉 Gambling wins (kind of) 👉 And absolute airport-level randomnessThis is messy, chaotic, slightly inappropriate… and exactly why we can’t have a podcast.

n this episode, we spiral (naturally) from a listener confession about “corny dogs” vs. “corn dogs” into a full-blown identity crisis over the weird words our families say 😂Then things take a turn…We dive into the very real (and slightly terrifying) conversation about AI — can ChatGPT actually manipulate people? Is it telling us what we want to hear? And are we all just one bad prompt away from a mental breakdown?!Of course, we somehow end up talking about: parenting in a tech-heavy world  screen time guilt  childhood vs. “now”  and why moms feel bad for literally doing anything for themselves Oh — and we’re casually recording this while heading to Vegas and a Broadway rave… because balance 💅This episode is chaos, opinions, laughs, and a little existential crisis… basically everything you signed up for.

This episode is pure chaos—in the best way 😂We’re talking about unexpected addictions (yes… gas station slushies have entered the chat), the reality behind Coachella vs. what you see online, and why some people are out here putting entire festivals on a payment plan 😅We also dive into:• The real MVP at Dollar General (shoutout Brad 👏)• Amazon delivery fails that make zero sense• Influencer culture vs. real life• The most ridiculous driving laws (barefoot?? really??)• And the funniest “get out of a ticket” excuses we’ve ever seen 🚔It’s unfiltered, a little unhinged, and way too relatable.Basically… this is why we can’t have a podcast. 🎙️

We start with handmade bags and side hustles, but quickly spiral into the kind of chaos you’ve come to expect 😂We talk about: The real misconceptions people have about us (and why they’re kinda true 👀)  Why kids today struggle with basic respect—and what we’re doing differently as moms  The WILDEST reasons people were sent to insane asylums in the early 1900s (you won’t believe these…)  A wedding story that goes completely off the rails in the best way  And of course… a little conspiracy corner because we can’t help ourselves 🛸 If you’ve ever felt misunderstood, overwhelmed, or like you were born in the wrong century—this one’s for you.

If your life feels chaotic… welcome to the club 😅This week, we’re all over the place in the best way possible — starting with first celebrity crushes (yes, we’re talking Garth Brooks, Goonies, and questionable childhood taste 😂), then diving straight into a wild rabbit hole about Mount Everest, Sherpas, and a scandal that sounds like it belongs on a true crime channel.But the real heat? 🔥We read real comments from married men giving advice… and let’s just say, the internet did NOT pass the vibe check.From prenups to “don’t do it” warnings, we unpack the negativity around marriage, what’s actually true, and why real relationships aren’t what people make them out to be online.It’s funny, it’s chaotic, it’s a little deep — and it’s exactly why we can’t have a podcast.🎙️ Topics include:• First celebrity crushes & childhood nostalgia• The Mount Everest Sherpa controversy• The worst (and best) marriage advice on the internet• Real talk about relationships, growth, and what people don’t say out loudPull up a chair — you’re one of us now.

This week is pure chaos—in the best way possible.We kick things off with a Confession Friday that hits a little too close to home… because sometimes self-care looks like Jack in the Box, a parked car, and absolutely no shame.Then we spiral (hard) into Sister Wives territory, where things get weird, questionable, and honestly a little concerning—because marrying twin sisters and sharing a house?? Yeah… we have thoughts.And finally, we break down the viral TikTok drama heard around the internet: Mike the Lineman. A soulmate claim, a very public scandal, and a wife who deserved none of it. We unpack the timeline, the reactions, and why you truly cannot get away with anything anymore.If this episode feels a little too relatable… you belong here.Welcome to the chaos.

This week on This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast… chaos strikes immediately.Jen is eating a corn dog mid-recording 🌭, Ashton is spiraling over bad drivers (and personalized license plates 😤), and somehow we end up deep in a full-blown alien conspiracy at a Miami mall 👽BUT in between the laughs, we get real—talking about grief, friendship, and the kind of people who will walk into the river with you (even in Chanel pants 💅).✨ In this episode:The dangers of personalized license plates (apparently 😅)Jen’s strategy for surviving potential murderers at gas stationsA new widow listener we may have recruited 💔➡️❤️Why adult friendships are everythingAnd… the Miami Mall alien conspiracy that has us questioning EVERYTHINGBasically: it’s unhinged, heartfelt, and exactly why we shouldn’t have a podcast.

This week, we’re all over the place—and honestly, we wouldn’t have it any other way 😂We kick things off with a painfully relatable Confessional Friday about moms just trying to get ONE second alone (yes, even in the bathroom). From there, we dive into the reality of parenting burnout, the pressure of always being “on,” and why taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s survival.Then… we spiral (in the best way).We’re talking 90s nostalgia, ashtrays in cars, random music phases (hello Metallica), and the things that just don’t make sense anymore. And just when you think it couldn’t get wilder—we end with one of the most unbelievable true crime stories you’ve ever heard.It’s funny, chaotic, a little unhinged, and very real.Welcome to Friday 🤍

This week is pure chaos in the best way. We’re back after a short break and catching up on everything — from fever-delusion flu stories and accidental unfiltered texts, to TikTok adventures, sewing-machine dreams, onesie drama, and why recording together always goes off the rails. We also get into the emotional weight of The Madison, the little things grief teaches you, making memories with the people you love, and of course a few completely unhinged side quests along the way. Basically: friendship, laughter, real life, and absolute distraction from start to finish. 

This week, Jen and Jamie are all over the place in the best possible way 😂 From a hilarious anonymous confession about faking a garlic-and-onion intolerance to survive a terrible cook of a mother-in-law, to a full breakdown of personal relationship “icks,” Facebook algorithm chaos, and the emotional risks of vulnerability, this episode goes everywhere. They also dive into grief, emotional walls, oversharing, growing through trauma, and the weird ways life forces people to toughen up. It’s funny, honest, a little feral, and very them. 

This week, we are absolutely all over the place — from the return of questionable 90s fashion and lingerie-inspired trends, to creepy time-travel computer messages from the 1500s, to a real-life hot air balloon rescue that unlocked a brand new fear. We also spiral into Dr. Phil documentaries, Darryl Hannah drama, true crime rabbit holes, deep-fake paranoia, frozen rich people, and the kind of wild side conversations that somehow make perfect sense only to us. Basically: fashion opinions, paranormal nonsense, and just enough chaos to make you question reality. 

Listener Confession Friday takes a turn into pure chaos in this episode. What starts as a thoughtful message from Amy about people-pleasing, overthinking, and the emotional weight of trying to keep everyone happy quickly spirals into the kind of unpredictable conversation that only this podcast can produce. From setting boundaries and friendship dynamics to wild celebrity conspiracies, Jim Carrey theories, and late-night rabbit holes about the Hunger Games, nothing is off limits.Add in a toddler invasion, ice cream in bed, Bigfoot in the yard, and the kind of real-life interruptions that give this episode its name—the Zoomies—and you’ve got one of the most unfiltered recordings yet.It’s heartfelt, hilarious, slightly unhinged, and a perfect reminder of why this show is called This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast. 

This week we spiral (lovingly) into: toddler potty training panic—specifically the boy-math of standing to pee 🚽😂, the very real anger + humor that can come with grief, and why dating in your 40s feels like stepping into an entirely different universe.We also end with rapid-fire questions: phrases we’re already sick of, trends we refuse to fake-love, and the most relatable “I’m getting older” moment (hello, night driving glare 🥲).📩 Send us your Listener Confessions / “You won’t believe this” stories for Friday’s episode!

Jen rolls into the mic fresh off an emergency root canal—half-numb, fully committed—so Ashton has to carry the chaos 😂. First up: a listener confession from Jen herself, featuring “Widow Rella,” the headstone business meeting from hell, and a married man who got WAY too comfortable sending after-hours texts (including a midnight “thinking about you” that sends the red flags into orbit).Then the episode takes a hard turn into true-crime disbelief: the North Carolina mom who vanished in 2001 after saying she was going Christmas shopping… and was found alive 24 years later—with more questions than answers. The girls talk grief timelines, vulnerability, dark humor as survival, and why you should never let anyone rush your healing (or slide into your texts at 12:25 a.m.).It’s messy, funny, heartbreaking, and unhinged in the most “this is our life” way. 

Spring is springing 🌼—the weather is perfect, daffodils are popping up everywhere, and somehow that turns into a full spiral about tornado anxiety, storm shelters, and why our brains refuse to relax 😩😂.This week, Jen and Ashten go from “coquette ruffles and naked lady flowers” to 10 dark, lesser-talked-about psychology facts that hit way too close to home: being addicted to stress, why your brain clings to negative memories, how anxiety can masquerade as intuition, why people stay in predictable misery, and how emotional neglect can mess with you without leaving a clear “event” behind.Along the way, there’s a mini documentary rabbit hole (hello, America’s Next Top Model 👀), some very real talk about people-pleasing, trauma responses, relationships, and the weird ways adulthood rewires what we tolerate—and what we finally refuse to.And just when you think we’re done, Ashten drops a teaser: Friday’s episode includes her own confession story… and it’s so wild she’s printing receipts for a full timeline 🧾🔥

This week’s episode is giving chaos, confession, commentary… and full unc status energy 😌🎙️We kick things off with a listener confession that takes us to a muddy cancer benefit parking lot, a golf cart, a dark rainy night… and a dent that may or may not have been confessed to. 👀🚗 Is it karma? Is it survival? Is it community service credit? We debate.From there, we spiral (naturally) into:The absolute savagery of Facebook comment sections 🍼💀The funniest mugshot reactions the internet has ever producedPetty revenge ideas that are diabolical but technically harmlessAI hot takes and whether it’s helping us or making us lazy 🤖GLP-1 discourse, skinny girl drama, and why personality > perfectionDressing authentically vs. aesthetic beige influencer culture 🎨Our current obsession with Wuthering Heights and emotionally unavailable fictional men 🖤🌫️New Gen Z slang like “iPhone face” and “unc status” (and why we might qualify)We also break down the Top 20 shows people swear they’ll NEVER watch — including some that may cause mild outrage (sorry in advance, Schitt’s Creek fans 😬).It’s relatable, it’s unfiltered, it’s a little chaotic — but it’s ours.Send in your confessions. Embrace your unc status. And remember… sometimes the universe dents a bumper and keeps it moving. 🚙✨🎧 New episodes weekly.

In this chaotic (and completely on-brand) episode of This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast, Jen and Ashten launch their brand-new segment “Jen’s Fever Dream Jukebox” — where they react to iconic (and slightly unhinged) music videos from the past. First up? The 80s one-hit wonder “Into the Night”… and let’s just say 👀 things get awkward fast. Between payphone serenades, magic carpet rides, and questionable age gaps, the girls ask the important question: How did we think this was romantic? 😂But the episode doesn’t stop at retro cringe.The conversation pivots into something deeper — adult friendships, Enneagram personality types (Type 7 vs. Type 8 energy 💥), communication styles, and why direct honesty can either build connection… or start a knife fight. They unpack what each personality needs in friendship, why fixing isn’t always helping, and how real bonds require effort, vulnerability, and sometimes tough conversations.There are dream interpretations, karaoke hot takes, Bon Jovi fangirl moments, Justin false-alarm chaos, impulse buying confessions, and a reminder that adult relationships — whether friends or family — only work when you intentionally show up.Basically: chaos, comedy, and a little therapy session wrapped into one 🎢If you’ve ever:Rewatched an old music video and thought “Wait… WHAT?”Struggled between being the fixer or the feeler in friendshipsAvoided a hard conversation 👀Or rage-ordered something on Amazon…This one’s for you.Press play… and pray. 🎶✨🎵 Fair Use DisclaimerWe use short clips of music and videos for commentary, reaction, roasting, loving, questioning life choices, and general “what is happening here?” analysis.Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act, this qualifies as Fair Use for purposes like criticism, commentary, and education (yes, you’re learning things here… probably).We are not claiming ownership of any songs, videos, or clips featured. All rights belong to their original creators. We are simply talking over them with strong opinions and occasional unhinged energy.If you’re a copyright owner and have concerns, please reach out before sending the copyright cavalry. We’re nice. Mostly. 😌

Love is Dead, The Dog Ate My Jewelry, & The Lottery Husband RitualBuckle up, chaos gremlins, because this episode started with a plan and ended in a full-blown existential crisis. We kick things off with our absolute favorite new segment, Listeners Confessions, and let’s just say some of you need a priest, a lawyer, or at least a better hiding spot for your browser history.We also announce our brand new Monday segment—a weekly dose of unhinged, concentrated chaos that only the two of us could possibly survive. If you thought we were loud before, just wait until Monday rolls around.The Valentine’s Massacre (of Joy)Jen decides to subject Ashten to a Valentine’s-themed game, which goes about as well as a screen door on a submarine. Ashten’s hatred for February 14th is so potent she manages an epic fail that might actually be a new world record for "Least Romantic Person Alive."We dive into why Valentine’s Day is a performative, commercialized nightmare, covering:• The School Trauma: Why we’re still bitter about the kid with the "special" cards.• The Silent Scoreboard: Why your relationship shouldn't feel like a graded final exam.• The Tragic Reality: We look up the most watched movie on V-Day and—shocker—it’s a total tear-jerker. Because apparently, we all want to spend our "romantic" evening sobbing into a bowl of pasta.Medieval Curses & ER ProposalsThink your V-Day was bad? We explore The Lottery Husband Ritual from medieval France, where if a guy "swiped left" on his random date, the rejected women would literally build bonfires and curse his entire existence. (Note to self: Bring this back for 2026).We also countdown the Worst Valentine’s Luck stories, including:• The $800 gift that became dog confetti.• The "Accidental Group Text" breakup (RIP to that man's dignity).• The guy who walked a 5-foot teddy bear back to his car in "the loudest silence in history."The Pivot to ParanoiaFinally, because we are incapable of staying on script, we completely ditch the "Love" theme for a Deep Dive into Conspiracies. It wasn’t on the agenda, it wasn’t requested, and it’s definitely going to get us flagged by the government, but here we are. From lizard people to the "real" reason for chocolate shortages, we’re going down the rabbit hole and taking you with us.

What starts as a simple debate over pineapple on pizza 🍍🍕 immediately spirals into Weight Watchers trauma 🧮, big-hair nostalgia 💇‍♀️, diet culture lies 😵‍💫, and the deeply unwell beauty standards of the 90s/early 2000s 👖✨.In this episode, the hosts unpack everything from zero-point mushrooms 🍄 and post-weigh-in sabotage lunches 🌮🍟 to perms, bangs, and the emotional damage of low-rise jeans 😭. They also get into Kelly Clarkson news 🎤, Kelly Osbourne discourse 👀, celebrity body scrutiny 📸, grief in the public eye 💔, and why women are still expected to shrink themselves — quietly 🙃.Along the way: kitchen-table gossip ☕️, childhood storytelling 🧙‍♀️📖, phone scanners 📡, confession-level nosiness 🕵️‍♀️, and a surprisingly emotional dive into ChatGPT-generated book titles 🤖📚 that feel way too accurate.It’s funny 😂, messy 🌀, nostalgic 🫶, and honest 💯 — the kind of conversation that jumps topics but somehow still tells the truth.If you’ve ever cried in a dressing room 🛍️😬, argued about pizza toppings 🍕, loved a good gossip session 🫢, or survived the 90s with your self-esteem mostly intact 💀… this one’s for you ✨💛.

This week’s Listener Confession Friday takes a sharp left turn into private-investigator territory 🕵️‍♀️ when an anonymous listener admits just how far they went to get the one thing no one would give them: a straight answer. What starts as unanswered texts and vague replies spirals into church livestreams ⛪, Instagram sleuthing 📸, and the kind of detective work that would make the FBI say, “okay… maybe chill.”From there, Jen and Ashten unpack why people are so allergic to direct communication 🙄, how “lukewarm” answers keep people emotionally stuck 🫠, and why closure sometimes requires seeing the truth with your own two eyes 👀. The conversation gets real about dating double standards, age gaps 💅, and why honesty feels harder than ever — especially when rejection is involved.And because this is This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast, things don’t stay serious for long 🤡. The episode wraps with Super Bowl chaos 🏈, mascot games 🐻🦅🐬, snack stadium plans 🍪🏟️, and the kind of unhinged side quests that make absolutely no sense but feel deeply necessary.If you’ve ever spiraled 🌀, investigated 🔍, demanded clarity 🗣️, or just wanted someone to say yes or no already — this one’s for you 💀✨

This week we solve absolutely nothing… but loudly.We start off by discussing unresolved beef with people who don’t even know they’re in beef with us. You know the kind. No fight. No argument. Just vibes. Bad ones. And somehow we think the best conflict resolution strategy is walking up to someone and saying:“What’s your problem?”Which, historically, has never escalated anything. Ever. 🙂From there we spiral into parenting stories where we admit that half of parenting is just trying not to say what you’re actually thinking out loud and instead inventing creative phrases like:“It’s a word.”“I just want to watch.”“Please stop narrating your fears.”We discuss kids with imaginary concerns, sibling chaos, and how humor is the only reason any of our children are still alive and we are not in jail.Then we take a heartfelt, chaotic detour to honor queen of our childhoodKatherine O’Hara (chatgpt://generic-entity?number=0) — who shaped us in ways our therapists are still unpacking.And because this is Super Bowl week, we somehow turn into fake football historians and drop trivia like we’ve been ESPN analysts our entire lives, while also admitting that our family football traditions are 90% snacks, 5% yelling, and 5% pretending we understand what a down is.We talk:    •    relationship miscommunication    •    parenting survival tactics    •    football facts we did not verify    •    childhood nostalgia    •    and why sometimes you just need to say the quiet part out loud… but funnyThis episode has everything:passive aggression, active aggression, parenting delusion, sports confusion, and emotional damage brought to you by the 90s.You will learn nothing.You will feel seen.You will absolutely question why we have a podcast.

This episode starts exactly how you’d expect from two Texas women personally victimized by ice: road rage, sliding vehicles, and what we are now officially calling VEHICULAR IRRITATION. If you’ve ever white-knuckled a steering wheel while judging every other driver’s life choices, welcome home.Then we hit a Listener Confession that is so diabolically organized it honestly deserves a filing cabinet and a paralegal. A sweet angel of a woman has been keeping a running diary of grievances in case she ever needs it for a divorce and we immediately agree: this is genius, this is petty, this is inspirational, this is how history should be documented.From there, because our brains do not drive in straight lines, we somehow end up asking:How do they decide an animal is extinct?Like… did they text the animal? Did it leave them on read? Who is out there doing roll call for species??Naturally this leads us into Hollywood, where nobody has an original idea and everyone is 22 years too young to be cast as someone’s romantic interest. We spiral into reboot rage, questionable casting choices, and the very uncomfortable truth that sometimes actors have a little too much chemistry and now we’re all watching what feels like their real relationship unfold on screen.We also uncover a list of hobbies that, for reasons science cannot explain, attract an alarming number of absolute d-bags. If you do these hobbies… we are so sorry you had to find out this way.AND THEN.We remember.TODAY IS EPISODE 50.Fifty episodes of chaos. Fifty episodes of asking questions no one asked for. Fifty episodes of you enabling this behavior.We wrap it up by announcing our upcoming Super Bowl commentary because nothing says “sports analysis” like two women who will absolutely be talking about commercials, halftime outfits, and snacks like it’s a national emergency.As always:Listener Confessions continue to be the best part of this show.The weather is our villain origin story.Hollywood needs adult supervision.And hobbies are apparently a red flag.Welcome to Episode 50.We are not getting better

This episode starts innocent enough with a simple question:If you could only listen to ONE movie soundtrack for the rest of your life… what is it?And somehow… SOMEHOW… we end up spiraling into a full psychological breakdown about super moms, sleep schedules, and why it is deeply offensive when their husbands admire them too.Like sir???You see her packing organic lunches at 5:12am and you’re impressed??We are over here eating cheese sticks and drinking coffee like raccoons with Wi-Fi.We discuss the moms who:    •    Volunteer    •    Meal prep    •    Work out    •    Pack themed lunches    •    Know where everyone’s shoes are    •    And somehow look moisturizedWHEN DO THEY SLEEP.ARE THEY GOVERNMENT ISSUED.And worse… we admit the truth no one wants to say out loud:We are jealous of the super moms.We are jealous that their husbands are like, “Wow babe you’re amazing.”Then we take a sharp left turn into:🌞 Morning Person Energy vs Night Owl Energy — and realize society is run by people who wake up before their alarm and feel morally superior about it.We break down:    •    People who say “Let’s knock this out early” and mean it    •    People who send life-changing texts at 1:47am    •    The science-ish reason neither of these people are wrong    •    And how you’re not lazy… you’re just on a different operating systemAlso discussed:    •    Why morning people trust routines more than people    •    Why night owls reorganize their entire life at midnight    •    Why sunlight does NOT fix emotional problems, Jennifer    •    And what part of your personality people tried to “fix” that was actually your superpowerThis episode is part self-help, part mom jealousy, part sleep psychology, and part soundtrack nostalgia spiral.We learned nothing.We judged everyone.We mostly judged ourselves.And by the end, we still don’t know:    •    When super moms sleep    •    Why their husbands hype them up    •    Or what soundtrack we’re pickingBut we do know this:Society favors the people who answer emails at 6am.And we would like to formally opt out.

🎙️ Episode: “Say Something Nice or Remain Silent (We Spiraled Instead)”📅 January 24 – Compliment DayThis episode is sponsored by movie rentals, emotional damage caused by the 90s, and men who will never live up to Patrick Swayze. 🕯️💃🫠We kick things off with a Listener Confession from Tina Green, who bravely admits that every time she listens to us, it directly impacts her husband’s bank account. 🎬💸 Between Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (Ashten is RIGHT—Ben is the hottest), Gone With the Wind (Jen is ALSO right—Scarlett is a certified brat), Oklahoma, and our cabaret-induced spiral into Beaches, Sleepless in Seattle, and The First Wives Club… the rentals are adding up FAST.And then Tina casually drops the most unhinged confession of all—she talks back to us through her TV and pretends she’s in bed with us during the episode.Honestly? That’s friendship. That’s commitment. That’s alarming. 🤦‍♀️📺🛏️AFTER confessions, Ashten absolutely loses it and goes on a full rant about how 90s movies RUINED relationships by setting wildly unrealistic expectations. We’re talking:    •    Grand gestures    •    Soulmates    •    Men who magically understand emotions    •    And the emotional chokehold of GhostWhich leads to Ashten boldly declaring she is still waiting on her Patrick Swayze pottery-wheel, Ghost-style moment because frankly… the bar was set and it has NOT been met. 🕯️👻💔From there we veer into Carpool Karaoke chaos—who are you choosing to ride shotgun and scream lyrics with you, and who is absolutely banned from touching the aux cord?Jen then tells the story of an Uber driver who is convinced an actual angel once rode in his car, and we attempt (and fail) to unpack that information responsibly. 😇🚗Because it’s Compliment Day, we end things by asking the real questions:👉 What’s the compliment someone gave you that still lives rent-free in your head?Not “you’re a good mom” or “you’re a good friend”—but the one that stopped you in your tracks and stuck with you forever.It’s emotional. It’s hilarious. It’s wildly unhinged.Talk back to your TV. Lower your expectations (thanks, 90s movies).And remember:Say something nice… or remain silent.(We clearly chose chaos.)

🚨🎙️ TODAYS EPISODE: PURE CHAOS, ZERO ELEVATION REQUIREMENTS 🎙️🚨On this episode of This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast, Jen and Ashten start by asking the hard-hitting question absolutely no one needed answered: what is the actual difference between a mountain and a hill 🤔⛰️ Spoiler alert: ChatGPT gets involved, feelings get hurt, and we decide it’s less about height and more about ✨attitude✨.From there, we spiral (naturally) into the unhinged world of cruise directors because apparently being aggressively cheerful while managing thousands of vacationing strangers sounds like a nightmare… but also a personality test?? We break down the unrealistic expectations, the constant performing, and why recent cruise drama has everyone suddenly an expert on maritime customer service.Then things really go off the rails. We rant about:• Dynamic pricing and why it feels personal• Technology ruining simple joys• Tipping culture and why everyone is confused and stressed• Being asked one too many questions at checkoutAnd because no episode is complete without us oversharing, we end with our current hyper-fixations: perfumes, body washes, and why smelling good is a personality trait. If you’ve ever bought something purely because the scent made you feel emotionally supported… this part is for you.It’s chaotic.It’s mildly educational.It’s definitely why we can’t have a podcast.🎧 New episode drops TODAY.

🚨🚨 WE DID IT. Our very first Listener Confession has entered the chat… and BABY, IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT. We’re still recovering. Emotionally. Spiritually. Legally.From there, we spiral (naturally) into the Top 10 Reasons People Get Divorced and honestly??? We are CONFUSED how some of these couples even made it to the altar in the first place. Like sir… you hated her dog, her laugh, and her entire existence but still said “I do”?? Bold. Reckless. Unwell.Then Ashten absolutely LOSES IT over modern-day proposals. You’re telling us the girl picked out the ring, approved the timeline, scheduled the photographer, AND packed the snacks?? WHERE IS THE SURPRISE. WHERE IS THE AWE. WHERE IS THE DRAMA. Bring back the Clark Gable era where men risked rejection, rings were hidden in coat pockets, and we didn’t crowdsource engagements on Pinterest. 😤💍Jen then introduces us to her mother-in-law’s mysterious new magazine subscription that appears to be Hunting Wives meets Home & Garden and no one—especially her poor mother-in-law—knows if she subscribed willingly or if someone is absolutely trolling her. Either way, the camo-chic content is thriving.We briefly (but intensely) dip into the new Andrea Yates documentary, where Ashten goes FULL Nancy Grace because some things still do 👏 not 👏 sit 👏 right 👏 with 👏 her 👏.And to top it all off? We received our FIRST INTERNATIONAL COMMENT on YouTube. So yes. We are basically famous. Global. Worldwide. Please act accordingly. 🌍✨Buckle up. This episode has chaos, opinions, confusion, and zero chill.You’ve been warned. 🎧🔥

🚨 MONDAY’S EPISODE: ABSOLUTE CHAOS 🚨TikTok decided to personally attack us with a trend that claims your entire year is predicted by the song that was #1 on your 10th birthday. Jen? Blissfully skipping through life with “Walk Like an Egyptian.” Ashten? Emotionally assaulted by “One Sweet Day.” So… that tracks. 🎶🫠Then we spiral straight into a brand-new TLC experiment where normal people are dropped into the Amish community like it’s a reality-TV Hunger Games. Spoiler: we would not survive. Jen would be taken out immediately by the plain clothing rule and Ashten is deeply confused by several guidelines while simultaneously feeling the urge to manage the Amish with her Type 8 personality. Control issues? Never heard of her.AND THEN—because Jen cannot be stopped—we fall headfirst into a TikTok rabbit hole about a disappearing bar in Louisiana (thank you, Heather 🙌). A bar that exists for 24 hours. Men in suspenders. Mysterious vibes. Comment sections unhinged. Jen starts connecting dots that absolutely did not need connecting and suddenly we’re asking very serious questions about vampires, voodoo, and whether Louisiana is operating under different supernatural laws than the rest of us.We also shout out and THANK everyone who’s already sent in their Listener Confessions 👀—and yes, we are starting those THIS FRIDAY and we are not emotionally prepared.✨ Chaos. Amish rules. TikTok conspiracies. Emotional damage. You do not want to miss this one. ✨

🎙️ Episode Description:Well friends… YouTube put us in time-out and honestly? Rude. BUT WE'RE BACK!!This week we spiral (professionally) about our ongoing YouTube troubles, why scammers and catfish are thriving in 2026, and how technology has officially made everyone suspicious of emails, DMs, AND basic human interaction.We deep dive into generational communication differences—why some people call, some people text, and some people just ✨don’t respond✨ and call it self-care.We also learn that January 19th is Quitter’s Day (which feels aggressive but accurate), and Jen—our resident winter fairy—gives her very Jen take on why winter is for rest, reflection, slowing down, and absolutely not for making resolutions that set you up for emotional failure. ❄️✨Then we spiral into the hard truth:Things that used to be fun… are now EXHAUSTING.• Staying out late• Making plans• Leaving the house• PeopleWe validate canceling plans, choosing peace, and feeling overwhelmed by things that once required zero effort. If you’ve ever said “I just don’t have it in me anymore,” congratulations—you’re seen.Jen also drops wisdom bombs about creativity as a stress outlet, her new hobbies, and why creating something is sometimes better than therapy (don’t tell our therapists).We play “Me Too or Just Me” (spoiler: it’s almost always “me too”), dive into an Unhinged Honesty Round, and discuss what we thought being “rich” meant growing up—where Jen was absolutely “rich” in Ashten’s world and we will not be debating it. 💅PLUS:🎥 Movie discussions (as always)🤫 Listener Confessions officially start NEXT FRIDAY (send them in now—anonymous chaos encouraged)If you’re tired, overwhelmed, canceling plans, side-eyeing YouTube, or just here for the chaos—this episode is for you.Listen now. Rest later. Cancel something today. 💀💖

🎙️ NEW YEAR, SAME CHAOS 🎉New year… new resolutions… same unhinged hosts.This episode Jen & Ashten absolutely spiral over our own New Year’s resolutions (spoiler: accountability was not invited). We break down the most common resolutions everyone swears they’ll keep (working out, saving money, drinking water 🙄) and then dive headfirst into the MOST unhinged resolutions we’ve ever heard—including deciding you’re getting married no matter what this year (??? ma’am???) and buying a pet snake to face your fears because therapy was apparently booked.We also take a sharp left turn to talk about Ashten’s family trip to Roswell, New Mexico—aliens, UFO lore, weird vibes, and a True or False: Roswell Edition where Jen is… confidently wrong per usual 👽✨Then we get a little serious (don’t worry, it’s brief): we talk about the importance of just being with family, slowing down, and soaking up moments that actually matter as we head into 2026.ANDDDDD we introduce our brand new segment we are so excited about:🚨 LISTENERS CONFESSIONS 🚨You’ll email or send a voice memo with your weekly confession and once a week we’ll read/play them on the show. Anonymous. Unhinged. Possibly incriminating. What could go wrong?EMAIL SUBMISSIONS TO: [email protected] CONFESSION IN THE SUBJECT LINE TO MAKE SURE WE SEE IT!We are so honored to be part of your Mondays & Fridays, and we truly cannot wait to see what chaos, growth, laughter, and aliens 2026 brings.👉 Subscribe to our YouTube channel when we get it back up and running - we are in a time-out for some reason!  PATREON is coming your way with all of our video content!👉 Follow us on Facebook, Instagram & TikTok👉 And buckle up… because this year is already off the rails.This is why we can’t have a podcast… but we do anyway. 😌✨ And you can add our email for the listeners confessions 

In this episode, the hosts discuss a variety of topics ranging from beauty trends and personal experiences with Botox to the significance of vision boards and journaling. They share their thoughts on the importance of handwritten letters and personal connections, before diving into a shocking kidnapping case that raises questions about parental abduction. The conversation also touches on the influence of cults and concludes with reflections on popular TV shows and their impact on personal lives.

In this episode of 'This Is Why We Can't Have a Podcast,' Jen and Ashten discuss the joys and challenges of Christmas traditions, the importance of friendship, and the dynamics of their relationships. They share personal stories, explore unique holiday customs from around the world, and reflect on the significance of maintaining connections with loved ones. The conversation is filled with humor, warmth, and candid moments, offering listeners a relatable and entertaining experience.

🎙️ This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast — Episode Drop 🎙️In this episode, Jen & Ashten spiral immediately and never recover. We start with a very serious adult problem: why windshield wipers only have “too slow,” “panic mode,” and “I guess we’re hydroplaning.” From there, we dream about luxury cars we absolutely do not need, complain about the audacity of car payments, and announce that in a perfect world we are both wildly rich and mildly unhinged.Then things escalate.Ashten presents Aubrey’s Boyfriend Manifesto (applications currently closed, background checks implied), while also delivering a passionate TED Talk about why Gone with the Wind is required viewing and how Jen has somehow survived adulthood without seeing basically any classic movie ever made. We take a ChatGPT quiz to determine which Gone with the Wind characters we are, and honestly… the results were personal.Just when you think we might calm down, we pivot to TikTok algorithms wrecking our emotions, why social media knows us better than our therapists, and how that’s probably not healthy. We also discuss nail salon days at home, where Jen may or may not have purchased every nail product known to man and may or may not actually follow through. Jury’s out.Other important truths revealed:• There is no correct windshield wiper speed• Jen should not have access to money. Anywhere.• Emma is prepared for every possible apocalypse• Our kids have better music taste than us• Car manufacturers owe us answers• Freedom is the dream• This episode explains… everythingIf you’ve ever cried over an algorithm, judged windshield wipers, loved an old movie too much, or watched your best friend online shop with zero supervision — this episode is for you.✨ Quotes you’ll hear:“In a perfect world, I’m a millionaire.”“Gone with the Wind should be a staple at your house.”“Social media has made me an emotional mess.”“Jen shouldn’t have an account. Money. Anywhere.”“This is why we can’t…”🎧 Available wherever you listen to podcasts📲 Listen responsibly (or don’t)

In this episode, the hosts discuss a variety of topics ranging from the excitement of new kittens to nostalgic millennial music and the emotional connections tied to favorite Christmas movies. They share personal stories about family traditions, holiday preparations, and the sometimes scary realities of the holiday season. The conversation flows into deeper reflections on music's role in processing emotions and memories, particularly around the holidays.

Welcome back to the podcast where logic comes to die and chaos pays rent.This week, Ashten admits that crime scene photos have ruined her life because now she feels morally obligated to keep her house spotless in case she’s murdered and doesn’t want to be humiliated post-mortem by dusty blinds and a rogue Chick-Fil-A cup.Then we deep-dive into the existential true-crime crisis of:When someone gets found “not guilty”… does law enforcement just go, “Welp, mystery solved, lunch?”Like HELLO?? Casey Anthony? OJ?Are the real killers just out there living their best lives?? Is there a follow-up department or nah???Next up, we pivot aggressively — like whiplash aggressively — into aging gracefully, because apparently Demi Moore has a blood pact with the universe and has decided not to age past 37. Teach us your witchcraft, queen.We also scream about how everyone needs to be watching Landman, how acts of service may actually be a love language AND a cry for help, and how grief and happiness can exist like chaotic roommates who share a Netflix account.And naturally, woven through all of this is:✨ Our unfiltered chaos✨ Random emotional whiplash✨ Insults said with love✨ And the kind of best-friend derailments that make you question our mental stabilityBasically… it’s us. But worse. In the best way.

A snowball of chaos hosted by Jen & the perpetually over-caffeinated AshtenHold on to your Santa hats, because this episode has everything no one asked for but desperately needed:• ❄️ The weather is colder than Ashten’s heart before coffee• 🐈 Jen’s cat pulled a “surprise! I’m knocked up!” plot twist• 🚗 Road rage confessions that will have the DMV reconsidering our licenses• 🔧 Car maintenance? Never heard of her.• 🤼‍♂️ A deep dive into why 80s wrestling was basically soap operas with muscles• 🎄 Christmas plans full of hope… and thinly veiled panic• 💋 Age gaps in relationships — because society still loves a double standard• 😂 Enough personal anecdotes to make you feel incredibly normalWe deliver vibes, chaos, and questionable life advice — all wrapped in tinsel and regret.If you came for structure… honestly why are you here? But if you’re here for laughs, oversharing, and Jen saying “I hope you do well” like a passive-aggressive Victorian ghost… welcome home.

Hold on to your hats because today we are all over the map!  Our video is blurry and we're barely on the rails but we are here ready to entertain!

In this episode, the hosts engage in light-hearted banter about football, share amusing anecdotes about a cat attack, and delve into the emotional rollercoaster of planning a surprise birthday party. They reflect on personal milestones, discuss the significance of December for engagements and breakups, and explore the complexities of family dynamics in relationships. The conversation wraps up with a humorous take on social media communication challenges.

Don't expect much from us today - we are in full self-care mode!  Get your face masks and lavender ready and laugh along with our ridiculousness!

In this lively conversation, the hosts discuss the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday and personal milestones, including a significant birthday and a wedding in the family. They reflect on life transitions, the challenges of caregiving, and the importance of choosing the right partner in marriage. The conversation also touches on Thanksgiving traditions and food preferences, leading to a humorous rant about customer service experiences at Sonic. Throughout, the themes of gratitude, connection, and the complexities of family dynamics are prevalent.00:00 Thanksgiving and Birthdays: A Time for Reflection05:47 Caregiving: The Unsung Heroes12:49 Thanksgiving Traditions and Food Preferences19:23 Customer Service Rants: Sonic Experience29:22 Closing Thoughts and Gratitude

The conversation revolves around the humorous and light-hearted discussion of what names future grandchildren might call their grandmother, with a focus on the implications of age and identity in familial roles.TakeawaysThe choice of grandma names can reflect generational attitudes.Humor plays a significant role in family discussions.Names can carry cultural and personal significance.The idea of being a 'young' grandmother is subjective.Family dynamics often influence naming conventions.Conversations about names can lead to deeper reflections on identity.The importance of maintaining a youthful spirit in family roles.Names can evoke strong emotional responses.Family discussions can be both serious and playful.The topic of grandma names can spark creativity and laughter.

Welcome back to another episode where Jen and Ashten try to have structured adult conversation and instead derail into twelve topics, three emotional spirals, and one government scandal. 🎙️💥We start with time management and somehow end up discussing:    •    AI judging us like it pays our bills.    •    Music therapy aka crying in the car like the main character.    •    The CIA spending MILLIONS trying to turn HOUSE CATS into SECRET AGENTS (someone approved that???).    •    TikTok rabbit holes that begin with crockpot recipes and end with underground Costco bunkers.    •    Parenting in 2025 where we are basically the office managers of tiny unhinged roommates.And THEN we ask the question that no one prepared for but everyone needs answered:Why is there no “WIDOW” box on paperwork???Like, I didn’t forget.I didn’t misplace him like a library book.Stop making me choose between single and married. Make the widow box, cowards. 🪦🖊️Also, we drag stick figure family car decals because why are we broadcasting household headcounts? Absolutely not.If you’re tired, confused, highly caffeinated, and emotionally held together by podcast humor and iced coffee—you belong here. 🤝Grab your headphones, your emotional support snack, and your unresolved emotions.It’s time. 🎧💅This Is Why We Can’t Have a Podcast

Welcome back to another episode of unhinged bestie logic, where one of us is thriving in No Spend November (it’s Jen, shockingly ) and the other one is currently explaining why a Stanley cup in a new color is an emotional need, not a purchase (hi, it’s Ashten 🥲).In this episode we cover:💸 No Spend November — where it came from, who started it, and why we should probably sue them.💄 Full Glam Every Day Women:You know those women who wake up, contour, blend, bake, and sparkle before 9am?Yeah… we need to know HOW, WHY, and are they okay???🦃 The Presidential Turkey Pardon:Jen: “Oh yeah, they pardoned the turkey.”Ashten: “I’m sorry, the WHAT?”We go deep. It’s emotional. It’s poultry.😍 Presidential Crushes:Because everyone has one. Don’t lie.And yes, ours says a lot about our attachment styles.Don’t worry — we unpack that too.🔮 Superstition Showdown:Do you knock on wood?Avoid stepping on cracks?Refuse to put your purse on the floor?Prepare to find out which one of us is a fun quirky starand which one may need to sage the entire house immediately.It’s chaos. It’s laughter. It’s learning (barely).Come listen and question our life choices with us.🎧 Grab your earbuds. This one is chef’s-kiss ridiculous.

We swore this was going to be a soft, cozy, pumpkin-spice-flavored episode.You know… gentle vibes, a light breeze, maybe a candle lit, maybe us pretending we meditate.Yeah. No.We immediately spiraled.We start with November birthdays and somehow convince ourselves they are the main characters of the zodiac (they are… but like, relax). Then we slide straight into holiday traditions — the ones we lovingly keep doing even though everyone in the room is one green bean casserole away from starting a family feud.And then, of course, the seasonal emotional rollercoaster begins.The temperature drops and suddenly we’re crying at commercials, reorganizing closets at 2am, wearing chunky sweaters like we’re in a Gilmore Girls reboot, and calling every small task “self-care” because we are trying our best, okay?If you’re currently:    •    emotionally preparing for Thanksgiving chaos,    •    mood-swinging with the weather,    •    or simply existing at what we call “Mid-Level Bare Minimum,”then pull up a chair, grab your blanket, and join us.This is your safe space.Your emotional support podcast.Your permission to be both sentimental and completely unhinged.Welcome home, babes.We’re in this November spiral together.

This week, we’re knee-deep in Halloween nostalgia, debating the Great Trunk-or-Treat Crisis of Modern Parenting™, and asking the important questions… like why are we all dressing our toddlers as pumpkins when we KNOW they’re feral raccoons at heart?We’re talking:• The glory days of running wild in the dark with a pillowcase full of sugar• Why Trunk-or-Treat feels like Halloween with training wheels• The costumes our parents should’ve gone to jail for letting us wear• And yes… we let ChatGPT choose our group costume (hint: Sanderson Sisters chaotic energy was FOUND.)Nostalgia. Humor. A tiny existential crisis about whether we’re making “core memories” or just buying $38 costumes our kids refuse to wear.You know. Seasonal content.🕯️ If Halloween makes you emotional about childhood and also slightly judge-y about modern parenting… this one’s for you. 🕯️

Ever tried being nice to someone you can’t stand? Yeah—same. In this episode, we’re diving head-first into:💬 Why fake niceness should be a crime🧠 How to stay real without losing your sanity👻 Superstitions that still make us knock on wood🎶 The songs that hit different when you’re grieving🪩 Adult friendships, social overstimulation, and themed costumes we probably took too farWe’re talking authenticity, awkward small talk, and all the emotional chaos that makes being a grown-up feel like a group project nobody wanted to lead.Hot take: You don’t have to like everyone—just don’t be a weirdo about it.Bonus bits: Urban legends, Halloween energy, and hints about our next guest 👀