Talks by Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, opens with the core question: How does one enter the gateless gate? Lola points to a mountain stream, suggesting that "listening" is entering. She distinguishes between the someone’s simple interest in Zen and the actual acquisition of a Zen mind.Lola says the spiritual path begins only when the soul moves beyond a mild interest in Zen and raises the question: "Who am I?"This inquiry is described as poking a stick into a beehive—it disturbs thousands of inmates within the psyche, necessitating a new way to deal with the disturbance of selfhood.Lola contrasts psychology with Zen. While psychology attempts to study feelings like fear and insecurity objectively, Zen reverses this process. Zen's method is to experience the subject—subjectively, refusing to be lost in external objects or intellectualized solutions.This shift requires a venturesome spirit and the willingness to let go of the hundred-foot pole of ego-safety.Lola explains that the Bible's instruction to "knock and the door shall be opened" is a call for a decisive, total thrust of one's being against the door of reality, only to find that the gate was gateless from the very beginning. Lola outlines two specific methods of entry: Reason and Conduct.Entrance by Reason involves intense mental focus to realize that one's true nature is identical in all sentient beings. She references Bodhidharma's wall-gazing, explaining that the wall is actually the barrier of our own conditioning. To penetrate this wall is to realize there is neither self nor other.Entrance by Conduct is a four-fold path:1. Requiting hatred through a shift in internal attitude.2. Understanding the Buddha’s chain of causation (from ignorance to death)3. Being obedient to karma by acknowledging inherited biology while seeking the freedom of the non-entity self.4. And finally, not seeking— abandoning the attachment to dualities like praise and blame or summer and winter. Lola calls for radical simplicity and non-attachment, using the famous Zen phrase of chopping wood and carrying water to illustrate that enlightenment doesn't change what one does, but how it is done—from a chore to a natural, beautiful happening.She warns against imitation, noting that one cannot become Christ or Buddha by wearing borrowed clothing or mimicking lifestyles. True innocence and simplicity are states of being, not things to be cultivated through effort.Lola recounts the story of a monk who is invited to live in a king’s palace. The king is surprised how easily the poor monk accepts all his luxuries. Then they reach the border of the kingdom. The king will not leave his kingdom. The monk is perfectly willing to give it all up and leave. That is true freedom and non-attachment. He enjoyed the king's luxurious lifestyle without becoming possessive of it.Non-attachment is a matter of internal attitude rather than external possessions. The path ends where it began: in the Christed consciousnes and the simple recognition of the murmur of the stream as the ultimate entrance. Delivered July 6, 1987

(Note: Although there is some remaining quiet delayed echo from the original cassette tape, this talk by Lola about the basics of Zen meditation is still a good primer for a new student of the discipline)---Zen Roshi Lola McDowell Lee, explores the essence of Zen practice, noting that while the era of the 1960s opened Western minds to Eastern traditions, it often lacked the rigorous supervision required for deep spiritual growth.By the mid-80s, she observes a stabilization where Zen schools (Soto and Rinzai) have established roots, offering methods developed by Chinese and Japanese masters to help individuals realize a state of unity with the absolute.Lola explains that Zen meditation is not an abstract concept but a grounded practice. It begins with the physical act of sitting (Asana). By adopting a stable posture, one creates a triangle of solidity that allows the practitioner to relax into themselves. This physical stillness is the prerequisite for the mental work of observing the breath.Lola shares the parable of the minister trapped in a tower. Just as the minister used a series of increasingly stronger threads—from silk to rope—to escape, the practitioner uses the breath (silk thread) to lead to the observation of thoughts (twine) and finally to deep meditation (the rope) that leads to freedom.We must first dis-identify with the "drunken monkey" of the mind—the constant, jumping stream of unnecessary thoughts and emotions that distract us from our original nature.Zen is not about religious rewards or prejudices of good and evil, but about perceiving the universe exactly as it is.Lola explains the similarities of Zen with Western spiritual concepts, suggesting that the "Buddha mind" is identical to the "Christed consciousness" or the "Light" mentioned in the Gospel of John.She argues that every human enters the world with this light, but it is obscured by the cunning deceptions of the mind. The mind loves to play with safe, abstract questions like "What is God?" to avoid the direct, terrifyingly close question of "Who am I?"By treating these inquiries as distractions, the small mind of many sincere spiritual seekers maintains its control and keeps us from our potential. We need to find the Witness that exists behind the changing reflections of the mind.Our ordinary minds are like greased pigs—constantly changing from anger to sadness to joy. By learning to hold a focus and observe these phenomena without judgment, we can perceive a silence that transcends thoughts.Like a mirror that remains unchanged regardless of what it reflects, the Witness remains untouched by the drama of life. Realizing that this ungraspable reality is the path to true freedom leaves us with the central, irreducible question: "Who are you?"June 29, 1986

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, Lola discusses the distinction between accumulating knowledge and attaining true wisdom.Lola shares the koan about a monk who asked his teacher, “Is there a teaching no master ever preached before?” And the teacher said, yes, there is. What is it, asked the monk. And the teacher replied, it is not mind, it is not Buddha, it is not things..We require a different kind of perception—what Lola calls "listening with your eyes". She draws a sharp contrast between linear, "horizontal" learning—where teachers and students simply build upon accumulated information—and "vertical" spiritual growth. Vertical growth is an ascent of transcending conditioning, memorization, and ego to simply achieve a state of pure being.Many of us treat happiness like a math problem, mistakenly believing that putting two and two together through specific activities will consistently yield joy. True bliss, ananda, is an unpredictable consequence that arrives "like a thief in the night" only when the mind is unoccupied by expectation and anticipation.Lola recalls the famous story of the Buddha holding up a single flower before his congregation, speaking not a word, and transmitting the highest teaching only to Mahakasyapa, who simply smiled in understanding. A flower does not articulate beauty; it simply is beauty, blooming into the void without caring who notices.If the eye or the ear were not functionally empty, they would be incapable of receiving new images or sounds. We must empty the mind of preconceived notions.This necessity of an empty mind is brought to life through two pivotal Zen narratives. The first involves Huineng, the Sixth Patriarch, who achieved enlightenment and inherited the robe of transmission through the simple, mindful act of pounding rice in the monastery kitchen.The well known encounter between the master and a frantic, truth-seeking professor. He invites the professor to have some tea. Then he proceeds to pour tea into the professor's cup until it overflows and burns him.The ego-driven trap of making differences and establishing oneself as higher than others based on wealth, education, or even religious devotion.Lola explains the need to awaken from three specific slumbers:Sleeping in things, which is the materialistic obsession with possessions and bank balances. Sleeping in the mind, a trap for intellectuals. And sleeping in the ego, where even those who renounce the world become stubbornly attached to the concept of the self.By disidentifying with objects, the mind, and the ego, one does not destroy the world, but rather cleanses it of projected hopes and frustrations. In this state of true mindfulness—where the self disappears—an individual truly exists in the awake world. June 22, 1986

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explores the difference between merely seeking reality and actually experiencing it through the practice of true listening.Ancient Zen master, Tokai, is abruptly awakened from a nap by a frantic monk shouting about a fire under the kitchen floor. Rather than panicking or leaping into action regarding a future threat, Tokai requests that the monk wake him only when the fire reaches the passageway, instantly returning to sleep.People often miss this present reality because their minds are busy searching for preconceived concepts of the Buddha or God. The ultimate truth is already at our door.The vital difference between hearing and listening. Our internal voice acts like a thick fog, constantly evaluating, agreeing, or disagreeing with our surroundings. True listening is hearing with awareness, requiring us to drop our mental commentary and simply witness phenomena without the need to say yes or no.The attainable and the unattainable. The attainable represents the dualistic world of objects, ideas, ego, and physical forms—things we can mentally grasp and call our own. When we attain something, we form an attachment to it.The unattainable represents the non-dualistic, transcendent truth that lies within and behind the phenomenal world. The unattainable cannot be possessed or grasped. It can only be realized by abandoning the dualitt of subject and object, and resting in the middle way.A barrier to accessing the unattainable is our conditioning. Our deepest beliefs regarding what is right and wrong are not objective truths, but rather accidental byproducts of our geographic, cultural, and familial upbringing.Beneath the rose of our supposedly logical and righteous beliefs lies the hidden thorn of personal desire for an immortal soul that will survive death.The paradox of clinging to rules, conditioning, and dualistic judgments only creates confusion and chaos.The ultimate solution is to set aside all conditioning and simply listen. By dropping our "isms," religious labels, and mental defenses, we become vulnerable to reality as it is.In this state of pure awareness, trust arises naturally. Without the mind's interference, the chaotic events of the world effortlessly align into cosmic order, acting as perfectly and naturally as flowing water finding its way into a hole in a rock.While breaking old habits requires continuous practice, maintaining this state of active listening allows us to experience a profound unity.June 15, 1986

Zen Roshi Lola McDowell Lee, opens by recounting the classic Zen koan of Master Dogo and his disciple Zengen. When visiting a deceased parishioner, Zengen asks if the person is alive or dead, to which Dogo refuses to answer either way. Even after Dogo’s passing, another master, Sakeso, repeats this refusal, telling Zengen, "No saying whatever".The story illustrates that life and death are not distinct realities, but two doors to the exact same cosmic secret. They are experiences to be lived through directly rather than intellectual problems to be solved.The human mind constantly seeks to placate itself with borrowed concepts and comfortable conclusions, missing the fundamental truth of existence. She cites Sri Ramakrishna’s metaphor of a festival crowd debating the depth of the ocean. While they argue, a man made of salt jumps into the water to discover the truth directly, dissolving in the process.Lola equates humans to this salt man; we must be willing to jump into the unknown and die daily, allowing our conditioned personalities to dissolve into the greater awareness.She notes that individuals satisfy themselves with some spiritual terminology, like karma, using it as a pacifier to explain things away and avoid facing the genuine, sometimes frightening mystery of life. Real understanding requires us to abandon the safety of the shore.She explains that the mechanics of living and dying are intimately connected to the flow of the human energy field. Lee explains that at birth, energy ripples outward, expanding into the world. In contrast, during a natural death or deep meditation, this energy field gradually compacts, subsiding and returning inward to its center to form concentrated light.When one dies, the physical body is a temporary mechanism left behind outside the temple, while unconditioned awareness effortlessly moves through the invisible door of death. Death is not an absolute end, but a transition of awareness.Lola discusses the treacherous nature of language and dualistic thinking. Relying on labels separates the thinker from reality, pushing awareness away through continuous subject-object categorization.She suggests "a-thinking" (the a being like a in amoral, or asymmetric, meaning non-. A-thinking is a wordless, subjective dwelling in non-articulated awareness. The answers to the profound mysteries of existence are found prior to the formation of words, hidden in the translucent darkness within.Lola explains that the words and stories are merely fingers pointing at the truth, and mistaking the finger for the reality it points to is a tragic error in the spiritual journey.June 8, 1986

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explores the nature of truth, the limitations of the intellect, and the profound importance of trusting one's own immediate experience.She begins by introducing a classic Zen Master Tozan’s question: "What is the Buddha?" While working in a storeroom, replied, "This flax weighs three pounds." This seemingly nonsensical answer helps dismantle our reliance on logical analysis.Lola tells the story of a young student others thought stupid. He who suddenly comes alive in class to ask where numbers go when erased from a blackboard.And the story of a toddler who stumps his mother by asking how the first clock-maker knew what time it was.These questions, like the koan, point to mysteries that cannot be solved by conventional logic.Lee emphasizes that words are merely "fiats" for communication, not the truth themselves. While words carry meaning, they often trap us. If we analyze "three pounds of flax" intellectually, we find no connection to the divine. However, the koan is not a logical proposition but an expression of a state of consciousness. To understand it, one must drop comparative judgments—notions of gain, loss, right, and wrong. The answer points to the "ordinary" nature of reality. There is no other reality than this very ordinary life.Lee observes that humans are plagued by self-distrust because we remember our lies, mistakes, and failures. Yet we have an innate biological trust exhibited daily: we trust our hearts to beat, our lungs to breathe, and we go to sleep assuming we will wake up.A person living entirely in a pitch-dark room demands to be convinced that the sun exists before stepping outside. Words cannot convey the experience of light to someone who has known only darkness; one must step out into the unknown to know it. Similarly, demanding proof of God before meditating is a form of distrust that prevents spiritual discovery.Gurdjeiff described the mind as a broken phonograph record. The repetition creates grooves in the brain, offering a false sense of security. Whether the circle of repetition takes twenty-four hours or ten years, it remains a trap. The goal of religion, she argues, is to get off this self-manufactured wheel and move into the ever-new present moment.She notes that Zen masters often engage in humble, ordinary tasks like making pickles or weighing flax, defying our expectations that a sage must be an extraordinary, otherworldly figure.The koan is a tool to exhaust the intellect. By using all of one's psychic power and Hara to solve the unsolvable, the student pushes logic to its breaking point, transforming intellectualization into intuition.Lola invokes the figure of Hermes Trismegistus to discuss the birth of the Christ consciousness. She ends with a poetic and rhythmic recitation of a Hermetic hymn, calling on the powers of earth, air, fire, and water to sing praises to the "One and All," ultimately guiding the listener toward accepting the gift of God in you and awakening in freedom. Delivered June 1, 1986

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, discusses the Diamond Sutra, known as the "Cutter of All Doubts." She story of the Buddha and his disciple, Subhuti, a Bodhisattva. It’s a paradoxical teaching: A Bodhisattva should give gifts without being "supported" by anything—not by a notion of a sign, a gift, or a recipient. If a gift is given with the thought "I am giving this to you," it is limited. However, if a gift is given without support—without the self-identification of a giver—the merit is immeasurable.Lola draws a parallel here to the Jesus’ words that "the Son of Man hath nowhere to lay his head." She interprets this as a spiritual state of having "no support" in the ego or the material world.True giving happens when the "me" is removed entirely, making the giver and the receiver one and the same, much like the right hand transferring an object to the left hand without needing praise.Lola tells the story of Master Obaku, who bows to his teacher. But why? a skeptic asks. If there is not to be praise.Lola focuses on the limitations of human thinking. Lola argues that true listening is impossible when the mind is cluttered with past conditioning and constant chatter if thinking. She tells the myth of the Egyptian god Thoth, who tries to gift "thinking" to humanity. A colleague rejects the gift, warning that thinking is what drove Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden by introducing discrimination—the ability to judge good from bad, hot from cold, and self from other. This discriminatory mind creates a dualistic prison where we constantly judge our position and fail to see the underlying Unity of reality.She contrasts this with the noumenal world of non-discrimination where, like the bamboo trees in a Zen story, the tall and the short exist perfectly without comparison.Lola shares an anecdote about her teacher’s lineage, Dr. Henry Platov, to explain how to transcend the thinking mind. His training involved building complex mental structures (philosophical systems), inhabiting them fully, and then utterly demolishing them. This process, repeated over and over, serves to teach the student that all theories are merely structures, not the Truth itself. By demolishing these intellectual safeguards, the student eventually clears the way for the real Truth to emerge. When this Truth is finally heard by a mind that is alert and free of ego.Lola delves into the Four False Notions and their involvement in the construction of the ego. The Skandhas (Lola refers to “sensations, tendencies, feelings, emotions, thinking”). Some refer to the Five Skandas as “form, feeling, perception, mental formations, and consciousness.”This is how our "Self" is actually constructed. There can be a progression of meditation designed to remove these illusions, one by one, leading to the Zen Koan: "Sitting on the top of a 100-foot pole, how do you take the next step?" This step is the leap into the void of non-support.She concludes with a humorous story about an Emperor seeking a perfect archer who discovers an arrow which appears to have landed perfectly in the center of a target on the ground. The Emperor must find this remarkable archer. It turns out he is a madman who shoots arrows randomly, and when he find them he draws the bulls-eyes around them afterward. This illustrates the Buddha’s teaching that "possession of marks is fraud."True spirituality, like Master Obaku’s bowing, has no motive and seeks nothing. It simply is.March 9, 1986

(Note: This recording contains a static hum that, in spite of efforts to remove, does remain somewhat. But the content of the talk might be worth overlooking).Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, understands how odd it must sound to some that an individual human being can become one with the universe. She explains that this search for unity is often misguided because people look out there for something that can only be found in the immediate present.This issue begins with our own internal division. The split between spirit and body, or matter and consciousness. If a person is divided within themselves, they cannot possibly perceive existence as a unified whole. Only an individual who has achieved internal integration can truly know that existence is indivisible.This internal division is not innate but learned. An infant is born in a state of natural integration, unaware of any separation between body, mind, soul, or even between self and mother. However, the necessities of survival, societal conditioning, and the need for security force the growing child to begin to discriminate.Lola explains how we are taught to identify with the upper part of the body (the intellect and head) while viewing the lower part (instincts and feelings) as inferior or shameful. This preference for the intellect causes blockages, leaving us constantly struggling to control our thoughts and creating a life defined by inner conflict.Lola suggests we try switching it up: a re-awakening of sensitivity. The intellect has no direct access to the world and is entirely dependent on the senses. When we lose touch with our physical senses, our intellect becomes uninformed and life loses its magic. Try to bypass thinking that the flower is beautiful and instead focus on what the senses are actually reporting.This return to sensitivity is likened to the ignorance, or non-duality, of a child. Our goal, however, is to achieve an awakened innocence—a state of wisdom where the knower and the known are one .Unlike intellectual efforts, Lao Tzu focuses on total immersion in one's activity. Whether walking, eating, or listening, try to become the act itself.Lola emphasizes the physiological aspects of spiritual integration, specifically regarding breath. Driven by anxiety, we breathe shallowly from the chest, whereas children and enlightened figures like the Buddha breathe from the abdomen. The tanden is not merely a physical location below the navel, but is a center of spiritual power. By shifting the seat of breath from the chest to the tanden, one can bypass the chaotic attempts by the brain to manage our experience, and access a deeper, more stable source of power. It will quiet the ego. Breathing from the tanden naturally clears the mind and allows mysteries to reveal themselves without intellectual effort .We must avoid the our imagination’s construction of complex illusions, including concepts of gods, heavens, hells, and even enlightenment itself. Intellectual attempts to clear these webs only create more webs. One logic is simply replaced by another. The only way out is to step out of the imagination entirely into a state of pure existence, where there are no thoughts or concepts.If we cannot see God in a simple stone, how can we find God within ourselves. True realization is an all-embracing acceptance of life—seeing the divine in weeds, insects, and stones—resulting in a serenity and the unified, innocent vision of the child. Oct 14, 1981

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, discusses the ancient Indian philosophy of Samkhya Yoga as a framework for spiritual observation. It includes the dual principles of Purusha (the essence of the self) and Prakrit (the "Great Mother" or manifested nature and energy).While Samkhya might appear to be dualistic, it aims for a state of Sahaja, or awakened consciousness. This state contains and transcends the three states of objective self-consciousness, dreaming, and deep sleep..The spiritual task involves two seemingly contradictory efforts, or "two ends of one stick.” They are rigorous self-observation and voluntary self-forgetting. To observe correctly, we must develop a background attention that is indifferent to events, watching the movements of energy (Prakrit) without impatience or the desire to give orders.This leads to voluntary self-forgetting, where one stops observing the personal self and begins to watch the broader movement of existence.Obstacles to this awareness are our unconscious desires and our investment in our dreams—memories, future plans, or escapes from today's misery. By constantly wanting to become something better or different, we miss the reality of being.The path forward is meditation to balance the heart and mind, allowing Purusha to finally extricate itself from the mindless play of Prakrit. The ultimate realization is that Nirvana and Samsara are not separate. By witnessing oneself without judgment, one discovers that reality remains exactly what it is.Sept 27, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explores the concept of freedom through the conquest of self. Per the Dhammapada, we should direct straying thoughts. The path to happiness is through quieting these elusive thoughts with single-mindedness, which brings freedom.We struggle from confusing wants and needs and forgetting the primary goal: freedom.This freedom is not worldly (economic, political, or social). It’s freedom from the ego. When the ego drops, it’s like a curtain falling, revealing the reality. This is the noumenal world described by philosopher Immanuel Kant.We are caught up primarily in the phenomenal aspect of life, seeing the world through the lens of egocentricity, which acts as a barrier to our understanding reality itself.Lola shares Plato's Allegory of the Cave, in which characters are completely focused on shadows on the wall. The spiritual task is to turn around and see the light that creates those shadows.The Buddhist parable of the poisoned arrow. A monk has all these questions for the Buddha about afterlife, etc, and says he’s giving up if the Buddha doesn’t provide answers. The Buddha responds by asking if a wounded man would refuse to have the arrow removed until he knows all the details about the shooter. The Buddha's teaching is to remove the arrow of suffering. Not provide all the answers.Lola tells the Tibetan story of the servant obsessed with learning the secret of miracles. The Master’s advice is to recite a mantra, and to not think of monkeys as he does so. His resulting experience is the lesson.Lola then discusses the Sanskrit gunas (qualities in man). The importance of cultivating sattvic (fine, high frequency) qualities like sensitivity, love of beauty, and inner harmony. We can choose to exist as inner noise or as a temple of sacred silence.Many assume that Plato's Republic is about government. Then why is its subtitle: The Conquest of Self? If the book is about conquering the self, then the "philosopher king" represents our wisdom, the "guardians" our will, and the "laborers/merchants" our desires/appetites.Lola explores Plato's idea in the book of regulating art. Rather than think of it as censorship in a republic, look at it in terms of what art you want to expose yourself to. An important step in self-conquest is observing what emotions art evokes in us.True philosophy is “love of wisdom,” she concludes, not complex “philosophical” ideas. Originally philosophy was an instruction to go within, and utilize the "noetic quality" for transformation.Sep 5, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee draws on the Dhammapada to emphasize a core principle of spiritual success: vigilance, or watching. The fool is careless and enslaved by desire. The master has firm resolve.Man is the only creature on Earth with the ability to choose. Unlike animals and plants, whose lives are determined by nature, humans possess a mind that allows for conscious choice.Man is not born a true being but a becoming. He is a state of perpetual movement between opposing attitudes and emotional states. This becoming is marked by a continual search, an inner groping.Lola calls it “faith without an object.” This search for something greater raises the perennial philosophical question: Who are you?Lola discusses philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, who calls man a “project"—one who creates himself by his own effort. Man is born an opportunity, a possibility, who must become actual.The crucial action is making an aware choice, choosing one’s life with full consciousness, rather than simply letting decisions happen passively, out of convenience, desire, or external pressure. Also, not choosing is a choice.Lola discusses two schools of thought: the Essence-Central School, which holds that man is born with a ready-made essence that merely needs to unfold (like an acorn becoming an oak), and Existentialism, which maintains that man is born as pure existence, and his essence must be actively created.Lola recaps the core principles of Buddhism’s Four Noble Truths:The First Truth is the fact of suffering (dukkha), which arises because life is constant change, and change can never satisfy the human desire for permanent pleasure.The Second Truth identifies the cause of suffering as selfish desire—a constant "thirst" or fire that only burns brighter the more it is fed. This desire unrealistically expects life to satisfy every selfish whim, which is as absurd as expecting a banana tree to bear mangoes.The Third Truth offers hope: because suffering has a cause, it has an end. Extinguishing the fire of selfish desire leads to a state of wakefulness and joy, known as Nirvana.The Fourth Truth provides the solution: the Eightfold Path, which she explains in detail.Finally, Lee illustrates the deeper meaning of the Middle Way using the story of the Buddha and a disciple, who was over-exerting himself in ascetic practice. The Buddha showed him a stringed instrument, explaining that to make music, the strings must be tuned "neither too tight nor too loose—it has to be just right." This is the path to enlightenment: balance between extremes.Lee explains how we can take the Middle Way between the world of appearance and the world of inner states of consciousness. The ultimate goal of continuous self-watching is to withdraw energy from the inner "clamoring crowd" of confusion to nourish the "new man" within. Through constant mindfulness and attention to the present moment, a window opens, and one experiences life not as a pure, empty, and all-encompassing presence. Aug 29, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, continues her discussion of the Dhammapada.She warns us against mistaking the false for the true, urging us to look into our hearts and follow our true natures. Spiritual texts are meaningless without direct action. Lola discusses the seeming conflict of seeking external rewards while professing detachment from the fruit of action.Truth simply is. It is the truth of being, which human effort must uncover. Our chief obstacle is the web of conditioning. To find truth, one must deliberately extract oneself from this accidental conditioning of our societal pressures, and even our religious background.The price of truth is rigorous personal effort. That is our payment.Lola presents the story of the Siddhartha Gautama as the ultimate example of dedicated effort. His great renunciation, his adoption of the ascetic path, and his eventual realization that extreme mortification weakened his concentration. This led him to the “Middle Way." The climax of his journey was under the fig tree where he vowed to remain until he found the way beyond death and decay.The key to liberation is inwardness. The ancient Greeks believed the heart was the seat of wisdom and intuition. The heart is always pulsing in the present moment, unlike the mind, which is trapped in the past and future.The question, "How do you go in?" is answered simply: "You simply stop going out." Inwardness is achieved by stopping the mind’s outward movement toward thoughts and desires.Lee says to abandon the ways of the "lazy cowherd" who spends his time counting others' cows by merely reading the interpretations of the actual scripture instead of investigating the scripture itself—and seeking direct experience.Aug 2, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explores the meaning of the Dhammapada -Twin Verses.She discusses the importance of thought and self-mastery in shaping one's experience. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.An impure, conditioned mind leads to suffering, while a pure, unconditioned mind leads to unshakable happiness. We have, over and over, a choice of conduct: the easy path of catering to personal ego desires, or the difficult path of conscious transformation.The negative path is effortless and offers temporary satisfaction. The positive path requires a great deal of effort and an active choice to go against one's conditioned nature.For instance those who showed up this morning for Lola’s talk. It would’ve been easier, she says, to sleep in and relax. Their attendance was a choice to take the more difficult path toward awakening.What is vital versus what is trivial? Using the metaphor of a poorly thatched roof, she warns that passion will seep through an untrained mind, while a well-trained mind remains impervious.Lola examines the various Buddhist traditions that emerged after the Buddha's death. She describes the division into the Hinayana (Small Vehicle) and the Mahayana (Great Vehicle).The practical method for self-transformation is Vipassana—the effortless effort meditation. This technique involves simply sitting and observing what rises in the mind and body without judgment. To enter this state, one must "stay out of the picture" of mental activity, serving purely as the witness.The central goal of Buddhism is the enlightenment experience (Bodhi), which means "to wake, to become aware of." This awakening is a shift from a life of relativity and conditioning to an unconditioned life defined by non-attachment, non-discrimination, and non-ego.Enlightenment is a personal experience. Value your own experiences and exert yourself. From the sutras: "By oneself is one purified."The story of Gautama's path to becoming the Buddha.The meanings of the term Dhamma (or Dharma), which is linked to Pada (the path). Dhamma means: Ultimate Reality. Pada is the path to this ultimate truth.We need to drop conceptual thinking. Like a seed: the outer seed rots away to leave the essence from which the entire tree grows, The ego and thoughts must disintegrate to reveal the truth within.Ultimately, the goal is to find the "space before the thought." Or the state of "no mind." July 26, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explains the story of Dogen Zenji, the founder of the Soto Zen school in Japan. One master says, “Not knowing is most intimate.”Dogen’s question: if we are already Buddha nature — if enlightenment is our essence — then why do we need to seek it?When Dogen returned to Japan, he founded the Soto school and taught Shikantaza — just sitting. This practice, Lola explains, is single-minded meditation without striving or grasping — simply allowing truth to reveal itself.Meditation, explains Lola, is about resting in awareness, with nothing held back. The nature of mind. It’s both the source of our bondage and the key to our liberation. We must move beyond the “content” of the mind — our thoughts, dreams, and desires — to see mind itself, the clear space in which everything appears.No-mind is not the absence of awareness but awareness without clutter. It is the crystal-clear state when the activity of thinking subsides.We need to observe carefully: subject and object, thinker and thought, self and world. As one sees how all phenomena are like dreams, the sense of self begins to dissolve. Awakening brings clarity and wonder — colors seem brighter, the world more alive, even rocks appear to breathe.Lola warns that the ego can cling to enlightenment experiences. The final task, she says, is to “let go of the remedy” — to release attachment to spiritual methods once they’ve served their purpose. Like the five men carrying a boat instead of realizing they’ve already crossed the river. The teachings from Rinzai Zen are about the four positions in the relationship between ego and True Self, host and guest, questioner and answerer.Enlightenment isn’t somewhere else to reach. It’s here, now, in the clear seeing that truth is.July 5, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, tells a parable about a powerful Chinese prime minister, who was a devoted Zen student. When the minister asked his master, "how does Zen explain egotism?" the master insulted him, calling him a "numbskull". As the minister's face filled with anger and hurt feelings, the master smiled and said, "Your Excellency, this is ego".Lola explains that this ego is our very basic problem. Paradoxically, we need It presents we need the ego to function in the world, yet it is also our biggest stumbling block to discovering our true identity.Most people, she says, are so caught up in this pseudo self that they don't even know how to begin looking for the True Self. She explains that the rules of Zen practice, such as the sesshin, are designed to force practitioners to observe oneself and one’s reactions.Lola explains how the formation of the ego begins in infancy. A child, Lola says, is born like a tabula rasa or "clean slate." Everything—food, love, comfort—comes from out there. The sense of me is formed later, in contrast to “other". This "me" is a "reflected awareness". It is a reflective center built entirely from the opinions of others, starting with the mother. If the mother smiles and appreciates the child, the child feels valuable, and this positive reflection builds the ego . Conversely, if the mother ignores the child, the child feels worthless and rejected, which builds an "ill ego."This ego is necessary. The True Self can only be known by passing through this ego. The path is to first know "other," then "me" (the reflection), and finally to see that reflection as the illusion it is.As the child becomes an adult, the search for the true self begins, but it's often misguided. People look to religion, but with nearly 400 sects, they usually just pick one that reinforces what one already thinks—which reinforces the ego.The great religious traditions all aim to show one, universal truth shared by great figures like Buddha and Jesus. The smaller sects tend to get lost in trappings.This societal atmosphere we develop in helps form the ego. Lola explains there are two centers in each of us. The first is the acquired center, given to us by society and shaped by others. This is not direct experience. The second is the true center, which we are born with and is given by existence; this is direct experience . To glimpse the true center, the ego must be overcome.Lola discusses a concept of "masks of the universe” from physicist Edward Harrison. Including, historically, the magic era, the mythic era, etc. (While this is after Lola’s time, it reminds me of a more primitive structure that scholar Ken Wilber later provides us more comprehensively).Most of us are trapped in our own minds, which are full of intellectual nonsense and sentiments that make us miserable.One way out, Lola concludes, is the Zen path, which requires persistent observation: one must really observe" oneself in action to see the source of one’s misery. Second is re-evaluating our values.The goal is to reach a state of "just so." With values that are free from ego.The parable about the Zen master Joshu and a stone bridge.Jun 28, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, argues that most people waste their lives playing superficial games and are deceived by their own minds. They fail to engage in the urgent, life and death work of knowing themselves. The pursuit of money, power, prestige, and reputation are hollow endeavors, like waves on an ocean.Lola draws parallels between Zen practice and the Socratic method. Many of us meditate for a short period only to ignore one’s inner awareness for the other 23 hours of the day.Lola describes Greek philosopher Socrates as a figure who masterfully employed a method of inquiry similar to that of Zen. Socratic questioning, like the Koan, was a tool to penetrate the world of appearances and challenge ingrained opinions. This method, like Zen, is not about adding new beliefs but about drawing out the truth that is already within.Central to both the Socrates and Zen is in admitting ignorance. Plato depicted Socrates as a man whose wisdom lay in recognizing his own ignorance. Lola parallels this with the Zen master Bodhidharma, who, when asked by an emperor who he was, famously replied, "I don't know". This "unknowing" is a powerful spiritual state that moves beyond concepts, opening a space for true, transformative knowing to emerge.Ideas by themselves, even great spiritual ideas, do not raise the level of a human life. Without action by us, ideas have no real transforming power.Jun 21, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, recounts the story of master Joshu who offers cups of tea to the various monks, illustrating the idea of how distinction keeps us from seeing the world as it is. When he offers the same tea to newcomers and long-time members alike, the manager asks why. And Joshu has a shouting response. Why?Our scientific world breaks the world into bits, opreating within a framework of complexity and duality because seeing the simplicity of the whole is so difficult for us to grasp.Zen teaches us the value of non-discrimination—the art of seeing things as they are, without interpreting or naming. Lola illustrates this with a personal anecdote about a wedding party where she presided—and the which they hoped would symbolize the couple’s eternal love. But the candle kept blowing out.A tool for achieving this mental shift is the koan, and how it is not an intellectual puzzle to be solved. Rather, it is a device intended to exhaust the rational mind. The student should approach a koan" employing great faith, great resolution, and a great spirit of inquiry.”The weakness of this duality-approach becomes clear when we look at many try to understand the notion of God. In doing so, many religions create the Devil to complement the notion of God.The importance of awareness and alertness, and the meaning of the Japanese Tea Ceremony.We must pass through the obstacle of our own discriminating minds to walk freely in the universe.May 31, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, discusses human knowledge an its limitations. Typical knowledge is the result of fragmented perception. Our knowledge is narrow, limited to appearances and governed by desire, habit, and subconscious impulses.The relationship of Surya (divine light) and Agni (divine force). Agni symbolizes will in consciousness. Together, Surya (knowing) and Agni (will) form a unity. Knowledge and Will are not separate. They are two aspects of the same foundation of reality.The Upanishads say that sin is not moral condemnation but that which causes a deviation from the straight path. Even elegant, dazzling thoughts can be a deviation, like a pebble blocking the sun. Each of us has our blind spots.Jesus said, “The crooked shall be made straight.” The ideal is to find the direct way, the single eye that fills the whole house with light.May 17, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, draws on Buddhist and Hindu traditions (including the Mahabharata, Ramayana and Bhagavad Gita) to explain the human condition.Struggles and opposition are partners in our growth. Manjushri (wisdom) is not found in shrines, but is alive within each person.Lola recounts a tale of a monk and the village courtesan.She talks about how struggle is necessary for growth; it develops character. Friend and foe, like rose and thorn, are inseparable opposites. The human tendency is to focus on one side and ignore the other. True vision includes both opposites—and finding a center in the balance of them.Lola discusses whether she thinks someone can be wealthy and still find enlightenment.The true self is both presence and emptiness. The mystery of the self is real and should be made actual. Three spokes unite in one nave, and on that which is non-existent, the nave, depends the wheel's utility.Clay is molded into a vessel, and on that which is non on its hollowness, depends the vessel's utility.By cutting out doors and windows, we build a house. and on that which is nonexistent, on the empty space within, depends the house's utility.Therefore, existence renders actual, but nonexistence renders useful.Mar 6, 1987

Note: Generally, this talk is more lighthearted than most that Lola gives. It’s nice to see that side of her personality.Lola begins with a comical tale about a man and a priest he asks for advice.Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, discusses Lao Tzu concept of how the hole in the wheel’s knave makes its utility. How the emptiness of a vessel creates its utility.Lola asks, “Who would you rather be: a victim or a perpetrator?”It is in the world of the Relative that we can discover the Absolute.How freedom relates to relativity. Some people don’t want freedom. They’d rather follow directions.The world is like a schoolroom where the teacher is absent. It is chaotic. Where is God?She tells the story of Swami Vivekananda, who, during his first visit to the United States in 1893, was shunned for his skin color. Eventually his speech at the Parliament of the World's Religions in Chicago brought him recognition in the US. Lola explains how many spiritual seekers seek after miracles. But the world is full of miracles. A seed dies and falls into the ground and a tree grows from it. Grass grows. Look at man? He’s a miracle. The world is a manifestation of God.Feb 28, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, discusses various texts about the notion of God — from the biblical book of Genesis to Mystica Theologica to the sutras of Patanjali.Dionysus was a disciple of St. Paul and one-time mayor of Athens.We eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil… but we must return to the Tree of Life.Buddhism did not identify God. Or a self. So for a Buddhist, what is there? Perhaps a Buddhist might say there is a Power greater than himself.Why did God create the world as it is? How do you answer the question, “Why do you love the person you love?”The wisdom of Patanjali, the author of many Sanskrit works including the Yoga Sutras. Yoga is the restraining from taking the many forms. Like a sculptor who removes parts of the stone to find the creation within.We have blind spots in our seeing, and in our hearing. We also have blind spots in our thinking… caused by the many patterns we identify with. Like a sculptor, we must learn to identify these patterns to find what remains within us.Darwin traveled the world in a big ship… and he came upon islanders who could not see his boat. It was too big. If these islanders could not see a boat because it was too big, then how do we expect to see God?That is why we meditate. To enter an area beyond our patterns, beyond our knowledge—to experience a kind of not knowing. We must give up our thoughts and identifications to experience this not-seeing. Then we can see the Truth of what we are.Lola discusses the creation of the world in the biblical chapter of Genesis. What is the Light at the beginning? And what is the Light again on the fourth day?Genesis 1:1-4 (King James version) - “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.”How this relate to Aurobindo’s poem, Savitri, that begins “"It was the hour before the Gods awake.”The tale of a man of Athos who spoke to an apricot tree and it blossomed.Jan 31, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, (who is also an ordained Christian minister) explores issues that are common to both Christian and Eastern thought to illustrate the difference between theology/philosophy and religious practice.She explains that it is easier to join a religious group and hang around it than it is to truly struggle with oneself. There are many who participate in religions just so they can tell themselves they are doing their religious duty. They learn a religious system or structure and think they have learned some truth. Not so.Simply wishing will not change you. It requires effort. We must work to be sufficiently free of delusion—which makes us more pliable and receptive continue learning.We live like a child in our father’s house—with little probing. We live under great, powerful laws of God’s will… but have we ever seen or truly understood these laws?When is the last time you were in awe of nature? The word “awful” used to mean being in awe. Now we think of it as something bad, to be feared. Feeling awe — of this mysterious thing we call life—to some it is joyful. To some it creates fear. It can be your rock, your faith.Philosophy rises from wonder. True religion arrives from awe.Lola recounts the tale of the general who visits a teacher. His question for the teacher: What is it we use every day and don’t know? The teacher served him muffins and tea. Try to stay in this awe—don’t rationalize it away. Jut remain in awe.Jesus said, ““If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (King James, Matthew 16:24).This is conversion. Lola tells a metaphorical story of God and an Old Man. God says to him that he receives nothing but endless requests for favors and things, so he wants to hide. He asks an old man, where can he hide? The old man tells him the perfect place to hide—is inside of man. Then those that seek him will only be able to succeed after a sincere investigation within themselves.If someone asks you if God exists, what is your answer? Do most who say they are believers know it for a fact that He exists? Do atheists know for a fact He doesn’t? So what is one’s answer to be? It depends.Lola tells a tale about a woman in India who clutched her baby during a flood and is saved from the flood. Sep 20, 1987

Note: Unfortunately these talks about the Bauls were posted out of order. But the sound quality is much better on this one, which is also the most detailed in its explanation of who the Bauls were. And this talk develops into a wonderful, rich discussion of consciousness.Lola says that not many people have heard of the Bauls because they had no organization or dogma or scripture. They were freewheeling practitioners who loved dance, music and poetry—and looked within.Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explains how the Indian Bauls were a group of Hindus also were joined by a sect of Sufis when the Muslims invaded India.The Bauls did not use the term “God.” They focused mainly on the “essential man within you.”Baul literally means “affected by the winds.”The doctrine of Shakti and the follower, or Shakta.Shakti refers to the divine feminine cosmic energy and creative power that underlies all existence. It's the active principle of the Godhead, responsible for creating, sustaining, and dissolving the universe.Shaktas, or believers in Shakti, felt that the ultimate divine being is best understood and worshipped as the feminine principle, and manifests in countless forms as different goddesses.Lola recounts the story of Krishna’s origins, per the Bhagavad Gita.Bhakti Yoga, the practice of devotion thru submission to find the secret knowledge.Lola explains that Being and Awareness is like love. Love can only be known by loving. It can’t be described or taught, it needs to be experienced.She extends the metaphor to swimming. You can’t be taught how to swim outside the water. But if you go into the water and can’t swim, you fear you’ll drown. So it seems like an impossible, paradoxical situation. Spiritual practice carries with it a similar paradox.Lola discusses Ramana Maharshi.She talks about how, when we sit in silence, one puts a downward pressure into that which is within us. Eventually that pressure releases something inside that allows one to become “a man of the heart.” The pressure allows the Being to overcome the Ego.What is consciousness? That is, Lola says, the primary question of all religion. The search, in consciousness, to grow in consciousness. Through observation and alertness… of all the activity within and without—we can stir a moment of clarity, of insight. In that flash of perception consciousness sees, and knows instantly what comes from within and what comes from without. Sep 13, 1987

Note: this talk has some sound issues, but I found it valuable enough to include the bulk of it anyway. It’s about 8 minutes shorter because the cassette player apparently started warbling and slowing down badly at the end—during the discussion of Prakrit and Parusha. There is another talk on this subject available here if you are interested. It’s a fascinating doctrine.Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explores the accounts of the Indian Bauls - a religious group that included members of Vaishnava Hindus and Sufi Muslims.They had a freewheeling spirit. And worshipped the Hindu goddess, Kali, the Divine Mother.The Bauls sought after the meaning of the Novel Man, a concept not unlike the True Man of St. Paul.Kali and Krishna. While many saw them as opposing forces, the Bauls worshipped them together, as complementary aspects of the divine.We think we own our possessions, our thoughts, our beliefs--the more the better… but in reality they own us.Our daily life and our Being coexist. But first comes Being.Lola recounts the tale of the King and the Nun… the King makes her a queen, but even as queen, she continues to secretly pray to God.The notion of the downward movement of Prakrit into the unconscious. Some people are afraid to push downward. But they need not be.Like a scientist, we should see what we can discover inside—including our sensations and our feelings. Zen’s goal is much like that of the Bauls, but Zen is more direct.Prakrit and Purusha are two fundamental and distinct principles that explain the nature of reality. All of nature comes about and is moved by the non-moving—like a magnet moves magnetized items on a board with an unseen power. While it appears the items on the board are active, they are not moving under their own power.The entire universe is the unfolding — as the interaction between Prakrit and Parusha.When you become unattached from Prakrit—then everything follows you. Like your shadow cast ahead of you when the is sun behind you—you try but cannot follow your shadow as it moves. But turn toward the sun — the Truth — and your shadow follows you.Oct 18, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, gives a talk themed on Easter. (While Lola was primarily a Zen teacher, she was also an ordained Christian minister). Lola reads from the Gospels exploring the meaning of Jesus asking, “Why have you forsaken me?”Symbols of Easter include a baby chick, pecking its way out of an egg to become that which he was destined to be. That is also a good metaphor for the human situation.Lola discusses various religious traditions, including that of the Mayans of Central America and Jewish Mysticism.Nothing is taken away from the outer. And nothing is added to the inner. It is a union of the two. Nirvana is Samsara — and Samsara is Nirvana. The history of Constantine, the Roman emperor who became a Christian—and changed the world.No one becomes truly religious on the order of another. We must see to it ourselves.The story of Adam and the tree of good and evil—as well as the tree of life.Who is the True Man that goes in and out of the gates of your face?Jewish mysticism describes the Heart of Hearts, and the Heart of Stone. The internal battle. Our will can cut through the heart of stone… with a sword of truth. It takes a self-emptying of one’s self aggrandizement.The meaning of Passover. You have to empty yourself of your miseries… as well as your best parts.Many of us pray for things, and removal of miseries… without praying (or meditating) to know God himself. It’s Spiritual Hedonism.Apr 19, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explores the meaning of Verse 15 of the Isha Upanishad:"The face of Truth is covered with a brilliant golden lid; that do thou remove, O Fosterer, for the law of the Truth, for sight."Lola discusses the prevalence of guilt in Puritanical America. How some of us feel guilt our entire lives, and how many, sometimes because of religious traditions, feel they shouldn’t enjoy life. We should look at this guilt, and try to understand it.Meditation should not be an escape mechanism.Buddha taught that it is not life that brings sorrow—but our demands on life that causes suffering. Becoming Being… that is the end of desire and suffering. The more one feeds desire, the more it burns.Lola discusses a poem byRabindranath when he was dying.What is it in you that knows?Lola discusses sex and celibacy and its relationship to religiosity.She recounts the tale of two monks who encountered a young woman unable to cross a river. In spite of their vows, the monks carry the woman across the river and set her down. The younger monk later confronts the elder, troubled by having touched a woman in violation of their vows. The elder responds with the question, "I set her down on the other side of the river. Why are you still carrying her?"Some people mistake the rejection of life as a sign of religiosity. When Siddhartha was fasting and emaciated, he had a few followers. When he finally asked to be fed, his followers abandoned him. When he wasn’t emaciated, they no longer found him an acceptable master.We should look at the things we desire in life, our attachments, and see what we identify with. The notions of Birth and Non-Birth. The ego is very interested in one’s karma. When the actions of the mind are exhausted, then transcendence is possible. But we need the dissolution of the ego, and instead to identify with the Divine Being in us. Then that is liberation.Lola May 3, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, gives a detailed discussion of the philosophical and historical backgrounds of religious traditions as they developed in India—Vedas, Brahmanism and Hinduism.Lola explains the meaning of many of the Hindu terms and explores the Isha Upanishad.Shakti, the Great Mother or feminine energy of the universe. We all have in us a power. That is shake.Hindu Tantra versus Buddhist Tantra.Prakriti and Purusha. Maya.As mentioned in the Bible, your actions in this world show your faith.A medicine is true if it cures. Your experience, not words, is what matters. Consciousness does not evolve without effort.Everything in your body is used material, recycled from the past.Surya (the sun god) and Agni (the fire god). Surya is knowledge. Agni is action. The combination leads to the truth, to the Supreme Vision and Divine Bliss.We all have the same name: “I.”May 10, 1987

(Note: original recording audio is not ideal, but Lola's message is great)Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, gives an ind-depth explanation of the practice of sitting, as this talk is during a sesshin at the temple.Who is the Buddha? What is birth and death?Zazen is learning about life by dying to one’s self. Be quietly alert, dropping the ego and identifications.Our mistake is taking the phenomenal to be the noumenal. But they are really two aspects of the same thing.Emotions confuse us and cause us pain. Learning how to sit with pain. Everyone has pain. Complaining about pain is your ego at work. One transcends pain by focusing and going beyond the phenomenal.What do you want from your sitting practice? Instruction in meditation. Breath through the Hara to find the calm. Radiate your peace.The evolution of Zen from India and Hinduism to Taoism and China to America, where we are now (in 1987) the new caretakers of the tradition.The ringing of the bell as part of the transmission process. One must learn how to ring it properly.Then Lola leads a Rinzai chant before the students enter Sesshin.Nov 29, 1987

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, discusses the meaning of the Zen saying, “Joy in the morning. Sleep at night. What else?”When we “do not know,” then we don’t concern ourselves with obsessions about outcomes. That is the meaning of “no mind.”Start by discovering what “no mind” is not. Is there a gradual acquisition of “no mind?” Is there an enduring entity called self? Is there a self to improve? Do not accept of reject an answer without learning for yourself directly.Is the thinker different than his thoughts?Just like we have frames of images in our vision, which are just a series of flashes which we might think are continuous… so do we have a series of thoughts, a thinking mind, that we might think are continuous… but they are not. How do we use the mind to study the mind? A knife cannot cut itself. How can you, living in time, know what time is?The “I” that develops as one grows in childhood grasps at immediate wants. Then, eventually, it also wants to be socially accepted. Those two wishes cause conflict in us.Your knowledge and memories are held in your subconscious. Your instincts, heart beats, etc, are held in your unconscious.It is this unconscious that is the gateway to reality.There is a method to examine your self moment by moment—called Prajahara.July 18, 1981

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, discusses Chapter 10 from the Tao Te Ching (Paul Carus translation)"What can be done?"Who by unending discipline of the senses embraces unity cannot be disintegrated. By concentrating his vitality and inducing tenderness he can become like a little child. By purifying, by cleansing and profound intuition he can be free from faults."Who loves the people when administering the country will practice nonassertion."Opening and closing the gates of heaven, he will be like a mother-bird; bright, and white, and penetrating the four quarters, he will be unsophisticated. He quickens them and feeds them. He quickens but owns not. He acts but claims not. He excels but rules not. This is called profound virtue."We often ask, “What is the purpose of life?” Is it to make money? Have sex? Raise a family? Power? These are goals, but they are not the meaning of life.He who lives with a purpose loses his life. What? Live with no purpose? Learn to cope with yourself.When your teacher asks, What is your original face? You do not want to tell him all your reasoning. You must show him.If you learn there is no answer, then you’re free.In logic there is the question: If the many return to the one, then to what does the one return?The three questions the Emperor asked of Bodhidharma.Yes, of course you will have goals. But remember to be present, in the Now, for Now is the day of the Lord. Don’t let your thoughts about the future or the past allow you to miss living today.The question isn’t "What is the purpose of life?" The question is: How do we live this life… this gift of life we’ve received. That’s what matters.Lola explores the notions of the masculine mind and the feminine mind in all of us. Aggressive versus Receptive. The story of Socrates and the Sophist.June 28, 1981

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explores the notion of patience in practice. And time.For nearly twenty years, Hon, a layman, studied under Master Egon. Several of the students went out to the edge of the district and Hon looked up at the falling snow and said, “Snowflakes as nice as these do not fall elsewhere.”We are all in such a hurry. But time is a state of mind—full of anxiety about the future and the past. If you are patient enough, you will not miss yourself. The Buddha sat and sat and sat… in no time.Lola recounts the tale of the old man and the young man, traveling together to a gated village that closes when the sun goes down. They asked their boatsman if they could make it in time. He replied, “You can reach it if you don’t hurry.”The young man hurried, and the old man just plodded along. When in his haste the young man fell into a ditch, the old man was too feeble to help him. So the old man continued on… and arrived at the village in just the nick of time.If you wish to be spontaneous, you cannot pose. If you have posed your whole life. It won’t be easy to stop the habit.Be silent and watchful—and aware—and you’ll be able to see your habits.The story of the old man who was dying and asked his son to go find a teacher and learn to meditate. So the son goes to a teacher and says, “My father would like to see my meditative face before he dies. How long will it take?” “Three years answered the teacher. So the son asked, “What if I work really hard at it?” Then 30 years.The five senses and the biblical reference to the single eye.Those who know use words differently than those who do not know. The sense is not in the word—but in the user. July 5, 1981

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, further explores the Mystica Theoligica.NOTE: LOLA HAS A BAD COLD TODAY AND A PERSISTENT COUGH. If that bothers you, please skip. But the content of the talk is worth the discomfort, in my opinion.Religious life is like a sculpture… best to take away from life that which is not Him rather than ascribe characteristics to Him.Most of our thoughts and emotions are unconscious. And people think: Oh, how life without emotions and desire would be so colorless. But is that true?Heraclitus preferred what he called “the dry soul.”Gurdjieff once told Ouspensky that, for the most part, no one self-remembers. If you can do that, he said, you’re most of the way toward Being.The ordinary want to be extraordinary. But the truly extraordinary appreciate the ordinary. Looking at a bird. A plant. Ordinary life.If you feel pain during sitting, keep watching your body. You’ll learn things.Instead of trying to be a better man, try to be a new man.You have a stance in this world. What is it you are standing on? How many of your concepts and emotions are you clinging to? How much are you understanding correctly?If you pay only lip service to the practice, it will not suffice. If you pay “hard sitting,” the True Self will know what you’re doing.Dec 11, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explores the meaning of the opening of the Mystica Theoligica.“Thou Trinity beyond Being, direct us to the heights of mystical revelation, sublime beyond all thought and light, wherein the simple, absolute and immutable mysteries of Divine Truth are hidden in the translucent darkness of that silence which revealeth in secret. For this darkness, though of deepest obscurity, is yet radiantly clear, and though beyond touch and sight, it overfills our unseeing mind with splendors of transcendent beauty. This is my prayer….”Lola does a deep dive into the meaning of the reference to the translucent darkness, and what it means in terms of our Zen practice.We start believing in the world of twos, of duality, soon after birth. The dichotomy of virtue and sin. Where there is one, there is the other.If you want to find God, you need to train your mind to observe, to look.A discussion of Christian Zen in Japan and elsewhere. And what the term means.Jacob Needleman’s book, Lost Christianity, about how Christianity took the path less mystical than Buddhism did.A mystical event is an undisturbible insight. It presents itself gutlessly, innocent, in ignorance.She notes that there are no proofs for Truth. We need to verify Truth for ourselves, through our own experience. We live in a mystery of mysteries, a mystery that can be experienced—but not through words. All the world has been created without a word.Lola discusses the meanings of atheism, theism, and agnosticism. How the athiest speaks as if he knows. As does the theist. But usually neither really knows. The agnostic, while he may be a seeker, admits that he, as yet, does not know. And when he does, he doesn’t speak of it. We should keep that ignorance while seeking.This meaning is not unlike that of Ikyu, about how one cannot explain it, or speak of it. It is the state of not-knowing that opens the door.Lola talks about how we learn things at age 5 that we still believe to be true but that may not be so. She recounts a time when she was five walking in the snow from Church with her grandfather.While therapy can get help clear up some childhood issues, it will not clear them all. Nor does it need to. Meditation will solve the small ones eventually.What is real Prayer? Lola tells of a time, at 18, when she was in a bit of a pickle. How she tried praying, but her prayers were demands and not sincere.Instead of making prayer a demand, we need to learn to just let go, and know that you, yourself, can do nothing. Admit hat you don’t know. Because the thinking mind will not find the answers. Dec 4, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, recounts the tale of the Persian teacher who asked a disciple to place a bag of gold in the middle of a bridge. He is to find a poor man to cross the bridge. The man successfully crossed the bridge where there is a bag of gold which he desperately needs. But he missed the gold. He had been too afraid to open his eyes and never saw it.Our problem is we think know our faults. But we close our eyes to them.You seekers who want freedom… freedom from what?Do you ever watch how you make your choices? Otherwise, how will you ever change?In the Upanishads it says we are like some spiders who spin a web, which comes from inside us. And then when they are finished with the web, the swallow the web and put it back inside us.A father put his five sons to a test. He asked them: “What is the most important thing about man? If you don’t answer correctly, you’ll fall dead.” Four of the five all studied the ones before them, but still fell dead. The fifth said the most important to realize is that we don’t learn. He lived.You meditate for a while. You feel good about yourself so you take a break. Then you start to feel bad about yourself again, and start over. It is hard to change. We don’t learn easily.Lola recounts the tale in the Mahabharata of the Pandava Brothers.As Gurdjieff says, we are trapped in our habit patterns. The key is to realize you are repeating automatically. In order to stop, just watch yourself. Don’t think about it. Just watch. And look to change.Notice how you are when you are alone. Then when you realize someone is watching, see how quickly you change. Why?We need to move into the Unconditioned. From the. Known, the Conditioned, to the Unknown, the Unconditioned.That’s why we use a Koan. It’s like a pebble dropped in us to exhaust our thinking, to move out of the Known into the Unknown. The Koan stays in us and continues to work on our psyches.There are three movements: the first, the Known to the Known, is thinking.Second is the Known to the Unknown, which represents a moment of consciousness. And the third is the Unknown to the Unknown, which is supra-consciousness.The other seed in us is Prajna, or wisdom. It is through Prajna that we move to the Unconditioned. Prajna is disrupted. Moving from the grasping to the no-grasping, and Emptiness, Non-Discrimination.A koan from Pang: How does the ocean, which has no muscles or bones, hold up a 10,000 pound ship? Nov 6, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, shares the tale of a student who asked his teacher why, after he had fasted and prayed for 30 years that he had still not found God. The teacher’s response: “You could sit for 100 years and it wouldn’t do any good. Selfishness is your barrier.”Lola recounts a long letter to a Roshi where the practitioner listed all his thoughts about spirituality and the universe. The Roshi’s response: “You know too much.” Just accumulating words is not gonna do it.If you acknowledge that you don’t know… then you can live with these fictions and not let them dominate you.Are you truthful with yourself? Really truthful? The naked truth? We’ve lived with our fictions so long we start to believe they are reality.Why, asks Lola, does Nature hide the light from us? Nature does not. The veil is ours.Do you ever believe you are somebody special? Most of us have at various points in our lives, or in our days. We think that we—as individuals—are going to be enlightened. Watch for your appearances to raise their heads. Then drop them.Pay the price, which is to admit the truth.If time is an issue with your meditation, then you’re not really meditating. If you ever have a real moment of true meditation, you’ll never complain again about time spent meditating.Oct 30, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, continues her examination of Lao Tsu’s Tao Te Ching, now in Chapter 17."The great rulers - the people do not notice their existence;The lesser ones - they attach to and praise them; The still lesser ones - they fear them;The still lesser ones - they despise them;For where faith is lacking,It cannot be met by faith.Now how much importance must be attached to words!"- Translated by Ch'u Ta-KaoIn today’s America, Lola’s exploration of Lao Tsu’s words are more relevant than ever.The difference between true seeking and consolation.The Bible says man is created in the image of God. What in us is in the image of God?We often say, whatever happens is for the best. But is it? For the Witness, good and bad outcomes in the usual sense don’t matter. He is not involved.We convince ourselves of a false contentment, even when outcomes are not good for us. But that is not true equanimity.Lola recounts the tale of the fox and the grapes.The ego fulfills itself by any method. You say something to yourself long enough, you start to believe it. DO NOT DECEIVE YOURSELF.As the Bible says, “come out from among them, and be ye separate…” It is not telling us to be our egos, but to be our True Self.Zazen is an understanding of reality that does not come as the result of analysis. It is direct perception from the noesis.***During the last fifteen minutes of Lola’s talk she focuses on the internal process during our meditation practice.Lola explores the Law of Interdependence. Relationships coming together, then parting, and how when conditions are right, the threads come together.If you truly observe yourself during your sitting, you move from thought to thought, from thought to no-thought, from no-thought to no-thought, and so one. To and fro. In this movement you pass through the Ku, the zero. Do you see it? Ku and Shiki.If you meditate for one hour daily, if you truly concentrate, you can merge with the Ku.When a person becomes a Being instead always Becoming, then the true individual can shine through.Jul 31, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, goes into considerable detail early and late in the talk about meditation to help prepare students for a sesshin.Lola talks about how the subject and object become one. One sitting.Master Gutei and his One-finger Zen.Lola discusses various teachings involving the monastery’s Tenzo, or cook. And why this is a very advanced position within the system.She recounts the tale of Dogen Zenji and the cook, and why the cook couldn’t continue his conversation with the master and needed to return to his kitchen. “My duty. My pleasure.” The Tenzo is not just a cook. His practice is in the kitchen, his activities, as ours should be in all our own.To be of service to others—is service to God.Sitting, by itself, is not enough. One must do good. A secret service, not for acclaim, but just for the sake of goodness.“If not me, then who?If not now, then when?”We are our own lifetime project. Open your heart to yourself and your mind to yourself. That is Zen.Exploration of a portion of the Diamond Sutra—how all composite things are like a dream, a bubble and a shadow. Elements come together for just a moment.Jul 10, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, continues a discussion of Lao Tsu’s Tao Te Ching. Today, Chapter 16 (Suzuki translation) By attaining the height of abstraction we gain fulness of rest. All the ten thousand things arise And I see them return. Now they bloom in bloom But each one homeward returneth to its root. Returning to the root means rest. It signifies the return according to destiny. Return according to destiny means the eternal. Knowing the eternal means enlightenment. Not knowing the eternal causes passions to rise; and that is evil. Knowing the eternal renders comprehensive. Comprehensiveness renders broad. Breadth renders royal. Royalty renders heavenly. Heaven renders Reason-like. Reason renders lasting. Thus the decay of the body implies no danger.—Lola explains the rather harsh reality that we are not as important as we make ourselves out to be.Desires need the Self to exist. The Self, however, can exist without desires.The sky can exist without clouds, but clouds cannot exist without the sky.When clouds cover the sky, only clouds can be seen. When Self is covered by desires, the Self cannot be seen. And the same thoughts and desires cloud us over and over again.The sky doesn’t care if there are clouds or not. Clouds come and go.What is your image of your Self? The True Self has no purpose. “The True Self leaves no trace,” says Lola. “I will leave no trace.”Lola recounts the tale of the teacher and the monk. The teacher tells him to open just one eye, which he does. Then the teacher says, “Who taught you how to open one eye?” Lola recounts her time in a Japanese monastery. What is inaction? Any method implies an action. How to meditate. There is no action required—simply a shift in consciousness. Don’t make it so difficult.There’s a physical eye. A dharma eye. And a Buddha eye. Each has its own domain.Lola recounts the tale of the emperor who, with all his soldiers and all his palaces, was still frightened about dying. Then a wise man gave him an amulet with a message inside.Jul 3, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, continues her exploration of the Tao Te Ching. Today, Chapter 15: The ancient masters were subtle, mysterious, profound, responsive. The depth of their knowledge is unfathomable. Because it is unfathomable, All we can do is describe their appearance. Watchful, like men crossing a winter stream. Alert, like men aware of danger. Courteous, like visiting guests. Yielding, like ice about to melt. Simple, like uncarved blocks of wood. Hollow, like caves. Opaque, like muddy pools. Who can wait quietly while the mud settles? Who can remain still until the moment of action? Observers of the Tao do not seek fulfilment. Not seeking fulfillment, they are not swayed by desire for change.—How many of our daily acts are done with awareness?We have the tendencies we were born with and the conditioning established through our lives. How we walk across the icy stream of life—our methods and tendencies are less important than our alertness.How does a Holy Man walk? We can see that each walks differently. Yet their awareness, which we cannot see, is the same.People recognize us by how we act. So often we choose to act so that we look good to others. We act like Jesus. Or the Buddha. But we have it backwards.When we find a depth of awareness, right actions will follow.We must learn ignore our concepts, our ideas, to be free. Including the ones you know about and those you are unconscious of.Does your True Self know how hard you work to be good? We all want to find heaven and bring our best qualities along with us. We must drop our luggage—and concentrate on an inner awareness.When you make a resolution—who do you make it to? Many develop a rigidity—in order to adhere to their resolutions. And when we fail, guilt develops. Learn to vacillate, be flexible. Then there is no need for guilt. If you are not naturally kind, or generous, then rigid vows to be so will not help. If you need vows, look within to discover why.We seek security--safety, a home, etc. But animals in the wild are not secure. They must be alert at all times. Their lives depend on it. Learn about death while you’re still alive.The tale of the Emperor who, looking for a Holy Man, finds a beggar.May 28, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, provides a detailed exploration of Chapter 14 of Lao Tzu’s Tao Te Ching, “Praising The Mysterious.” In it Lao Tzu calls Reason the form of the formless. Reason’s clue.But if we can’t touch it or see it, how are we to understand it? Don’t to endow it with qualities. Don’t describe it. It may appear bright, but it is simply reflecting our brightness. But that is only what we perceive. It is, itself, not bright. Our perception is limited. We perceive in twos. But the Tao is one. So how do we see it? To understand the world with the intellect…we compare, etc. But that is all abstraction.Light is limited. But darkness has no boundaries. When light hits a prism, it becomes a rainbow of colors. Take the prism away and the colors disappear. But we love colors and are captivated by them.They say, “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.” That’s because if you see him, it is not him. You can’t see him. Like the Neti Neti approach, when we sit we discard all we hear. Until we reach the inaudible.Lola recounts a tale from the Upanishad of a father who instructs his son to visit a guru and find the inaudible. The son goes to the guru and asks to know the inaudible. The guru sends him into the forest with 400 cows. “Return when they become 1000.” The son goes off into the forest and spends all his time serving the needs of the cows. Eventually, he returns to his father… to remarkable result.Jesus said: If you have eyes, then see. Lola asks: what do you think you are looking at?May 8, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, gives a detailed explanation of Lao Tzu’s notion that there are two basic types of meditation one should practice. One of emptiness only, and one of concentration.Sitting with pure, empty mind:The first he described as meditating without desire. Chuang-Tzu called it “just sitting and forgetting” meditation. During this practice, we empty the mind of all impediments and sit with only pure mind. Easier said than done. Most of us sit, and only once in a while do e actually meditate. Most of us don’t want to really sit because we don’t want to give up anything.To sit this way, just empty, it does not mean to blank out, or be unconscious. Just be quiet, still, every day. In the Pure Mind. When the mind is empty, Lao Tzu says it is like still water. It can then reflect. Without thoughts, which are activity, disturbances in the water. The clearness of the mind already exists.It is this we often call the mirror mind, that mind which is clear, empty, and able to reflect. Then we can become that mirror.2. Using the Pure Mind to concentrate on something—a word, a sound, a question.Lao Tzu suggests also using a second method where we focus, and develop our concentration.He says we should use both methods of meditation. Learn to find the Pure Mind. And use it to focus.Plotinus, a Neo-platonist, had similar thinking to Lao Tzu in 250 A.D.“The perfect and unchangeable life of the Divine Spirit overflows in an incessant stream of creative activity, which spends itself only when it has reached the lowest confines of being, so that every possible manifestation of Divine energy, every hue of the Divine radiance, every variety in degree as well as in kind, is realized somewhere and somehow. And by the side of this outward flow of creative energy there is another current which carries all the creatures back toward the source of their being. It is this centripetal movement that directs the active life of all creatures endowed with Soul. They were created and sent into the world that they might be moulded a little nearer to the Divine image by yearning for the home which they have left. This aspiration, which slumbers even in unconscious beings, is the mainspring of the moral, intellectual, and aesthetic life of mankind.Lola explains that many look to our outward life to find fulfillment. In creating, achieving, jobs, creating families. But ultimately, fulfillment, she says, is found within.But life should not be just one or the other. We should find fulfillment in both the outer and the inner.How does an oyster know to open itself in order to eat? It doesn’t think. What about the oyster knows to do that?When we look in the eyes of a cat or dog, or bird, we can, if we know how to look, see that divine miracle within them too. We should be in awe of life. But we’re usually not. Our pure intelligence is clouded by our thoughts.As Jesus said, “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man. The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”Allow your intelligence to become wisdom.May 1, 1988

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, who is also an ordained Christian minister, continues her exploration of Christian parables and how they might apply for Zen practitioners.Jesus spoke, in the book of Luke 5:36-39:“And no man putteth new wine into old bottles; else the new wine will burst the bottles, and be spilled, and the bottles shall perish. But new wine must be put into new bottles; and both are preserved.”Your life can be life-denying or life-affirming.You can be religious without being part of any organized religion. Being truly religious is an internal practice.Meister Eckhart’s mystical interpretation of the Biblical parables of the Virgin and the Christ.Whatever you do in work, do it with love. It’s easy to swing between love and hate. You become what you love, but you also become what you hate.Lola explores the meaning of Matthew 25:13 - “...always stay awake and be alert, because you don't know the day or the hour when the Bridegroom will appear.”Lola Dec 12, 1984

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, who is also an ordained Christian minister, discusses parables from the Bible and how they can help Zen practitioners.Understanding Jesus’ parables is like puzzling with Zen koans. We reach a point with the puzzles and allows them, like a diamond cutter, to work on us. And eventually, in a new state, we begin to understand.We are free. Yet we have no freedom. It’s a paradox. The freedom within, unforced, allows us to mature. But we can choose to ignore the within. We are also free to choose the adventure within.Your choices in this world create your personality. What you become by the end of your life—that you have chosen. Yet, what we are born with affects our choices. We are seeds. How we live that growth is our destiny.Lola discusses the historical meanings of the word sin from the Egyptian and the Greek. From the Greek, to miss.A parable, and a koan, is like a bridge between the Truth and our unconscious selves.We call ourselves human beings. But we are not yet. We are seeds.To illustrate, Lola presents Jesus’ parable of the weeds:“Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.“The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’“‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.“The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’“‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’”How are we to interpret this? asks Lola.Lola say to look within—and wait. But don’t wait with the old you. That’s your ego waiting. Let go of your attitudes. They’re not important during meditation. Only when a cup is empty can it be filled.Let gratitude well up in you. Sit, and eventually the door opens and light comes in. You don’t bring it in.Lola Dec 9, 1984

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explains that enlightenment is not a goal. “A goal is like the horizon. You can never reach it.”The immediate is the ultimate. You have to be aware and wake up to this moment. This moment is eternity.Human beings do a lot of unconscious abstracting. Lola explains.The teacher asks, “Do I have a staff or do I not have a staff?” The monk tries to answer in different ways. Finally he is so frustrated he gives up and leaves. He wanders for 12 years and finally returns to the teacher. He repeats the question to the teacher who responds with, “Is that what I said? How silly of me.”Zen is not a belief system. The purpose of Zen is to disturb the dreaming mind. It is a method to awaken. The puzzles in Zen are intended to create such a strain in you that you cannot ignore.Lola recounts the tale of the monk who repeatedly notices his teacher worshiping a statue of the Buddha. He asks him, “Why do you sit there and worship the Buddha? The teacher answers that it is because I like worshiping the Buddha. The monk then asks, “Why do you like worshipping the Buddha?” The monk continues to ask him question after question about this subject which puzzles him. Then the teacher gets up and slaps him.Why did the teacher do that, asks Lola.Zen teachers try to create a fire in the monk’s cauldron, a pot in his gut. The monk’s mind is tethered. So the teacher allows question after question… until he runs out of questions. Then the slap.Lola explains, “When you come to me with questions and I answer them, it does nothing for your consciousness, you’re being. It just gives you more stuff in your head.”Zen is a milieu, and atmosphere, in which to better understand yourself. When you truly practice, you are in the milieu, the Work. And you have made yourself available to God.Nov 12, 1984

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, explains that when you sit properly in meditation, your world is gone. You are alone. Absolutely alone. And when you learn to accept this alone, it builds a great strength. Find that alone—and accept it.She asks: you know all about your history, your friends, your work… but do you know you?Without that light within you—that forgotten light—there would be no you. It is the reason you exist.Many of us—at 40, or 50, or 60—hold the same image of God that we developed at age 5 or 10. Childish beliefs. Philosophies and beliefs make you feel better. But they are avoidances.During troubling times—like during war—people start believing. God is an escape for them.Master Ummon is asked about the four virtues of the Nirvana Sutra: Immutability, Joy, Personal Existence and Purity. Ummon picked up a cup and asked, “How many virtues has this?” “None at all,” the monk answered.Ummon suggested the monk best go on with his lectures about the Sutra.Ummon practices only one virtue: existence value.The garden of your mind is full of beautiful flowers—and weeds. We need to explore it all. But that takes time. We have time for movies and gossip and football—but not to meditate.If you stop puffing up your ego, it will shrink. Which is good, because eventually death will destroy it. This causes us anguish. But with practice, it doesn’t need to.Nov 5, 1984

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, asks how someone like Hitler could come to power. He was loud, and brash, and gave a secure feeling of strength to those who were insecure.Lola recounts the tale of the Turkish teacher who travels to foreign lands and gathers quite a following. Until some Turks happen onto him and hear the nonsense he speaks. This, she says, is often how we talk to ourselves. We can deceive ourselves for years.She also presents portions of an Ikkyu poem:“The crescent moonBecomes full, and wanes,And nothing is left;But still, there in the dawn,The crescent moon!”Lola discusses Jesus’ line from John 1:9, about the Light that cometh into the world… is the true Light that lighteth every man.It is the light within us.Mankind has, in a sense, fallen asleep to this inner light. We’ve forgotten who we are, as we continue to be mesmerized by the ten thousand things of the world.When you fall in love, you feel good. It strengthens your identity. Same goes when you are popular, or successful. It feels good because it strengthens your identity. But that identity is not you. That’s just how you identify yourself objectively. You are identified with all kinds of things. Patters of thinking, feeling, from your childhood and on—all of which have authority over you. Yet none of these things you identify with say anything about the real you.Who are you really? Your name is not you. Your photo is not you. Who are you?Lola discusses similar ideas from numerous thinkers, including Sri Aurobindo about how we have grown a riddle to ourselves. Also the last words of German theologian, Bonhoeffer, shortly before his execution.Lola tells the humorous story of the forgetful philosopher who, one morning, decided to label absolutely everything so he won’t forget. In the morning he awakens and it’s a grand success. He can find everything in its place… but suddenly panicked when he can’t find himself.Everyone will need to answer the question: Who am I? Until that question becomes so magnificent—but terrifying—you haven’t really asked it yet.Oct 28, 1984

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, reads from renowned Zen teacher, Ikkyu: “If it rain, let it rain; If it rain not, let it not rain; But even should it not rain, You must travel with wet sleeves.”What is religion? It is an inquiry into yourself.The German theologian, Meister Eckhart, once wrote, “There is an agent in the soul, untouched by time. . . God Himself is that agent.Keep looking inside a seed, you’ll find nothing. Because its essence is invisible. It is there, however, that Truth abides.We are looking for nothingness, Lola notes, laughing, “Nothing doesn’t give you much to look for, does it?” But she adds, “Thou art that.”If you are sure you know something, then how would you ever seek it? Search for nothing at all. Just ask, What is here?The missing 18 years of Jesus’ life, from age 12 to 30. What did he do?Life without choice.Bankei: “There can be no death for what was never born, so if it is unborn, it is obviously undying. There is no need to say it, is there?”Lola explains that we need to learn to watch everything, even our pains. Our tummy aches. Our head aches. Be the watcher. For then you’ll be better prepared to watch your death.Oct 21, 1984

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, relates the tale of the monk who questions Chuang Tzu. He begins:Monk: "Much of what you talk about is that which is not of use to us."Chuang-Tzu: "Most of the earth is no use to you."Yin and Yang. Two archetypical poles of Nature. Male and female.Yin is quiet, intuitive. Yang is strong, creative, active. We must come to know the other to be in balance.We constantly swing between Yin and Yang. Aristotle said that we mostly ignore the middle.What does a house consist of? Walls make it actual. The seemingly non-existent, empty space inside is what makes it useful. Windows and doors let light in. Keep your eyes and ears open. They are our windows and doors.Like a vessel—its utility is in its emptiness. Existence renders actual. Non-existence renders useful.The same is true of us, such as our emptiness within.Lola also asks: Where does the mind go when you sleep?Lao-Tzu: Non-action is not doing nothing. Oct 7, 1984

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, tells of the puzzled monk who visits Master Fuketsu. He asks, "How can Truth be expressed without speaking—and without being silent?"Lao Tzu said, he who speaks does not know. And he who knows does not speak.Then there is the Maha Mudra, or the great gesture.When you hear a word from a master, there is a silence in the word.A portion of the great poem by Sri Aurobindo:The Hour Before The Gods AwakeIt was the hour before the Gods awake.Across the path of the divine EventThe huge foreboding mind of Night, aloneIn her unlit temple of eternity,Lay stretched immobile upon Silence' marge.Almost one felt, opaque, impenetrable,In the sombre symbol of her eyeless museThe abysm of the unbodied Infinite;A fathomless zero occupied the world.—-Lola explains the tale of the king who summoned the 27th Patriarch, Prajnatara, to perform a recitation. But when the master arrived, he remained silent, letting his attendant do the reciting, which, at first, upset the king. And what happened when Prajnatara spoke to the king’s three princes. And who the youngest prince became.The next time you’re bothered about something, suggests Lola, just let your breathing remain natural. And see what happens.Then Lola rings her bell, and asks, How do you awaken when you hear the bell? Don’t think. Just listen. Listen not with the ears. Listen with the Mind.Sep 30, 1984

Zen Roshi, Lola McDowell Lee, recounts the story of the family where every member was enlightened. A visitor asked the father, “Is Zen difficult?” The father answered, “Yes, very.” The visitor then asked the son the same question. “No, it’s not difficult at all,” the son said. Then he asked the daughter. She answered, “If you make it difficult, it is difficult. If you make it easy, it is easy.”Actions do not change your being. The periphery does not change the center.The truth is found in the now, the present. If you are looking for it in another world, you’ll miss it here.Look with an undivided eye, and undivided consciousness. Because Samsara is Nirvana, and Nirvana is Samsara.Whatever you do, when you do it in silence, real silence, then God is there. All day long you are becoming, as you look toward your future. Instead of just being. The future, however, will never arrive. It’s a projection.Life, for us, has no beginning or ending. We are always in the middle.Also, Lola presents a detailed discussion of the Mu koan.Sep 23, 1984