The Anxiety Recovery Podcast

I was a guest on Lindsey Lockett’s podcast called Holistic Trauma Healing with Lindsey Lockett and this podcast was just too juicy to not also publish it on my podcast, the anxiety recovery podcast! What if anxious attachment isn’t something you heal by becoming hyper-independent, perfectly regulated, or never needing anyone again?In this episode, I joined Lindsay Lockett on the Holistic Trauma Healing Podcast for such a raw, nuanced conversation on anxious attachment, rupture, repair, overfunctioning, emotional unavailability, and why relational wounds have to be healed in relationship.We talked about how anxious attachment is often created through inconsistent or emotionally unavailable caregiving — and how that doesn’t always look like obvious neglect. Sometimes emotional unavailability looks like a parent being overwhelmed, struggling with their own mental or physical health, working constantly, caring for another child with higher needs, or simply not having the capacity to attune to you the way you needed.And when that happens, your nervous system learns to survive through hypervigilance, people-pleasing, overfunctioning, reassurance seeking, suppressing your needs, and trying to control the relationship so you don’t have to feel the terror of abandonment.We also got into why healthy love can feel boring after toxic or emotionally unavailable relationships, why attraction is often driven by familiarity and neuroception, and why your body may feel pulled toward dynamics that aren’t actually safe — simply because they feel familiar.Lindsay and I also talked about the connection between anxious attachment and overfunctioning: why doing the most can feel like safety, why resentment builds when needs go unspoken, why anxiously attached people often repress anger, and how anger can actually become a doorway into boundaries, honesty, and repair when we learn how to express it in a healthier way.One of the biggest themes of this episode is that social media often gets relationships wrong. We’re constantly told to “just leave,” “detach,” “never need anyone,” or heal alone before we let ourselves be loved. But attachment wounds happened relationally — so they also have to be healed relationally.That doesn’t mean staying in unsafe or abusive dynamics. It means learning the skills of secure relating: communicating needs, building capacity, allowing rupture and repair, taking accountability, and understanding that being triggered doesn’t mean you’re broken or failing.We also talked about earned secure attachment — and how secure relationships aren’t built because there is never conflict, anger, misunderstanding, or activation. They’re built through what happens after the rupture. Can we come back? Can we repair? Can we build safety over time?This episode is for you if you’ve ever felt too much, too anxious, too needy, too sensitive, or like you have to heal every single wound before you’re worthy of love.You don’t.You are worthy of relationship and belonging right now.And healing anxious attachment isn’t about becoming perfect.It’s about building the nervous system capacity, communication skills, and relational safety to stay connected to yourself and the people who matter even when it feels scary.Connect with Lindsey on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/iamlindseylockett/Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

If you’ve been stuck in the spiral of “do I stay or do I leave?”…overthinking every interaction, questioning your intuition, and trying to make the “right” decision from your mind…this episode is for you.Because the truth is — you’re not actually confused.You’re disconnected from your body.In this episode, I sat down with Becky Aste to talk about why decision-making in relationships can feel so hard — especially when you have anxious attachment — and what’s actually happening in your nervous system in those moments.We dive into how overthinking becomes a protective strategy, why awareness alone isn’t enough to shift your patterns, and how attachment activation can completely block access to clarity and intuition.We also get into what it really looks like to move from anxious attachment into secure attachment, not just conceptually, but in real-time, lived experience.This episode will help you understand:why you feel stuck in the “stay or go” loophow anxious attachment impacts your ability to make decisionswhat’s happening in your body when you can’t access clarityhow to start trusting your intuition againwhat it looks like to shift from “I don’t know” to deeply trusting yourselfIf you’ve been trying to think your way into clarity… this will show you why that hasn’t worked — and what to do instead.Your body already knows. This episode will help you learn how to listen.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for the month of May, who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together:  https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/Connect with Val on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

There are certain relationship patterns that just feel impossible to break…The overthinking.Waiting for a text back.That feeling in your body that they’re going to leave… even when nothing is technically wrong.And a lot of the time, people don’t realize this is anxious attachment — and that it’s not just in your thoughts, it’s actually living in your body.In this episode, I sat down with Mitch Webb (nervous system expert and host of Rooted Conversations) and we really got into all of it — overthinking, reassurance seeking, fear of abandonment, and why these patterns keep repeating.We talked about how this actually forms (trauma, childhood experiences, nervous system dysregulation)… and why trying to just “think differently” doesn’t actually shift it.And then we went deeper.I actually guided Mitch through a live somatic therapy / brainspotting session to work through fear of uncertainty in real time, so you can see what this work actually looks like, not just hear about it.If you feel stuck in relationship anxiety or like you keep ending up in the same push/pull dynamic… this will help you understand why — and what actually starts to change it.

If you’ve ever known someone wasn’t right for you…but you still couldn’t let them go…this episode is for you.Because there are certain connections that don’t just live in your mind, they live in your body.The ones you replay.The ones that changed you.The ones that feel almost impossible to release… even when you’ve done the work, you understand your patterns, and you know better.And at some point, you start wondering…Was that a soul tie… or was that my attachment wounds?In this episode, I’m sitting down with Katie Blumenfeld: she’s a psychoanalyst, psychotherapist, and reiki practitioner and we’re really going there.We talk about:why some connections feel so intense, consuming, and honestly… hard to breakhow to tell the difference between real love vs a trauma bond vs what people call a “soul tie”why one person can still have a hold on you… even after therapy, self-awareness, and all the healing workthe grief no one talks about, not just losing them, but losing who you got to be with themthe deeper wound underneath the thought “I’ll never find something like this again”what’s actually happening in your nervous system in these “can’t let go” dynamicsand how to start releasing this, not just in your mind, but in your bodyThis episode is for you if you’ve ever felt stuck on someone who felt… different. deeper. harder to move on from.Because this isn’t just about love.It’s about what your body learned to attach to. If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 spots open for 1:1 somatic support for the month of April for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved. When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together:  https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Katie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katieblumenfeldlcsw/Check out Katie's Website: https://www.katieblumenfeldlcsw.com/Check out Katie's Substack: https://substack.com/@katieblumenfeldlcsw/p-190017664More info on Katie's signature program: Where the Psyche Meets the Soul: https://www.wherethepsychemeetsthesoul.com/

You can literally feel when something’s off…and still not say anything.You know what you need.You’ve done the therapy.You can name the pattern as it’s happening…and you still go quiet.You still over-explain.You still choose them over yourself.If that’s you — this episode is going to hit.I’m sitting down with Lorina Manzanita (somatic intimacy coach) and we go into the kind of self-abandonment that’s not obvious…The kind that looks like being “understanding.”The kind that looks like giving them the benefit of the doubt.The kind where you leave yourself… but don’t even realize you did.We talk about what this actually feels like in your body,why being self-aware doesn’t automatically change it,and why for so many of us… it actually feels safer to abandon ourselves than to be fully honest.We also go into the grief that comes up when you realize how long you’ve been doing this…and how to start catching it in real time instead of after the fact.This isn’t because something is wrong with you.Your body just learned that being you wasn’t always safe.And this episode will help you start coming back to yourself.If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Lorina here: www.LorinaManzanita.com

Most people believe the reason they’re unhappy in their relationship is simple: their partner needs to change.If they communicated better… showed up differently… stopped certain behaviors… then everything would finally feel safe, calm, and fulfilling.But what if that belief is actually part of the cycle that keeps couples stuck?In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie Rubin sits down with relationship coach and certified hypnotherapist Peter McLaughlin to unpack the blame cycle in relationships and why so many people get trapped waiting for their partner to change in order to finally feel better.Together they explore the deeper subconscious patterns that drive blame, conflict, and repeated disappointment in relationships and why blaming your partner can actually function as a protective response when you're feeling hurt or powerless.Peter shares how unconscious beliefs, nervous system responses, and cultural conditioning shape the way we interpret our partner’s behavior and why shifting out of blame is often the key to creating healthier connection.In this episode, we explore:• why blame feels so automatic when we're hurt• the hidden reason people believe their partner is the source of their pain• why the cycle of hope → disappointment → blame keeps repeating• how media and cultural narratives create unrealistic expectations about love• the difference between expressing a valid need and reacting from blame• how to take emotional responsibility without abandoning yourself• healthier ways to communicate pain without attacking your partner• what shifts when you stop waiting for your partner to changeIf you’ve ever caught yourself thinking “If they would just change, everything would be better…” this conversation will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface, and how to start moving toward deeper connection instead of repeating the same painful cycle. Check out Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Peter on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thepetermclaughlin/Connect with Peter on youtube:https://www.youtube.com/@BlueSkyHypnosisConnect with Peter on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/petertmclaughlin/

I recently had the honor of joining Sharna, the global pregnancy loss expert behind The Pregnancy Loss Recovery Method™, the only proven framework that addresses pregnancy loss as reproductive trauma, not just grief — for a deeply powerful conversation on her podcast What I Wish I Knew About Pregnancy Loss.In this episode, we explore something that so many women experience but rarely have language for: the invisible connection between anxious attachment, pre-verbal trauma, and pregnancy loss.We talk about why loss mothers often feel trapped in hypervigilance… why trauma cannot be healed through thinking alone… and how your nervous system may have been shaped long before your loss ever happened.I also share parts of my own journey through chronic anxiety, physical health challenges, and relationship patterns — and how learning to work with the body changed everything talk therapy couldn’t reach.Inside this conversation, we explore:• Why chronic anxiety often shows up in the body as physical symptoms• Why “crying it out” actually conflicts with our biology as mothers• How trauma can be imprinted before we even have language• What’s happening in the nervous system when anxiety spikes above a 7/10• The connection between people-pleasing, grief, and anxious attachment• Somatic tools for regulation including vagus nerve toning and somatic unblendingIf you’ve ever felt like your anxiety lives in your body… or like your nervous system is constantly scanning for danger after loss… this conversation will help you understand what’s actually happening beneath the surface.

From Hustle to Secure: Rewiring Your Attachment to WorkSo many people think anxious attachment only shows up in dating.But what if the relationship that’s actually dysregulating you… is your business?In this episode, I share my personal journey from six years of chronic pain into becoming an anxious attachment specialist — and how I realized I wasn’t just anxiously attached in relationships… I was anxiously attached to achievement, productivity, and validation.If your nervous system spirals when a client doesn’t respond…If you over-give, over-work, and struggle to set boundaries…If your sense of worth rises and falls based on performance…This conversation is for you.We explore:• How chronic pain can become a portal into deeper healing• The subtle ways anxious attachment shows up in business• Why validation-seeking keeps your nervous system stuck• How childhood experiences shape your relationship with money and success• The over-giving → burnout → resentment cycle• Why nervous system regulation is the foundation of secure success• Practical somatic tools to calm anxiety in the moment• How to anchor into your adult self instead of your abandonment woundHealing isn’t about hustling harder.It’s about creating safety in your body so your business is no longer your attachment figure.You don’t need to earn rest.You don’t need to perform for love.And you don’t need to chase success the way you once chased unavailable partners.Secure attachment isn’t just for relationships.It’s for your career, your money, and the way you hold yourself through uncertainty.If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, or secretly terrified of slowing down, this episode will help you exhale.Check out the previous podcast episode I did with Anna on my podcast on healing the fear of visibility: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6afRZwfYyfo2OQF4O3fzjl?si=SmgzvOJRRcSCGX4de71B8QConnect with Anna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

So many people understand attachment styles intellectually… yet still find themselves repeating the same painful relationship patterns.Why do you still panic when someone pulls away?Why does your avoidant partner shut down under pressure?Why does the honeymoon phase fade even when nothing “bad” happened?Because attachment isn’t just psychological.It’s biological.In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I sit down with attachment expert Dr. Stan Tatkin to unpack the brain-body science behind anxious and avoidant attachment and why relationships often fail not because of incompatibility, but because of automatic survival programming.Dr. Tatkin explains that attachment strategies are not flaws, they are biological adaptations shaped by early environments.We explore:• Why attachment is a survival strategy, not a personality defect• The difference between “Waves” (anxious/clinging) and “Islands” (avoidant/distancing)• Why even avoidant partners are driven by anxiety, especially fear of engulfment, demands, and losing independence• Why anxious partners feel chronically “not chosen” and how that shows up in the nervous system• How couples unknowingly compel each other into pursue-withdraw cycles• Why attraction can turn into irritation (and why that’s a feature of biology, not failure)• The brain’s “energy conservation” law and how it automates partners into the background after the honeymoon phase• How stress flips couples into “one-person survival mode” instead of “two-person secure mode”• Why so much conflict isn’t personal, it’s neurobiologicalWe also go deep into Dr. Tatkin’s concept of secure functioning, a deliberate social contract between two equals that prioritizes the relationship’s safety above all else.You’ll learn:• What shared power actually looks like in practice• Why secure functioning requires win-win agreements (no one gets to win while the other loses)• How proactive policies and post-mortems reduce recurring conflict• Why the relationship must come first for long-term stabilityAnd one of the most powerful ideas from this episode:When your partner is distressed, they are in an altered state of threat.They cannot self-regulate.In that moment, you are the medicine.We talk about how to give the “opposite of fear” moving toward a Wave who fears abandonment, easing pressure for an Island who fears demands and how co-regulation is the pathway back to safety.If you struggle with anxious attachment, overthinking, feeling unchosen, or being stuck in a pursue–withdraw dynamic… this episode will reframe everything.You are not broken.Your nervous system learned how to survive.And secure, stable, secure-functioning love is absolutely possible, even if you didn’t grow up with secure attachment.Connect with Dr. Stan here: https://www.instagram.com/drstantatkin/Connect with Valerie here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

If you constantly find yourself overgiving, people-pleasing, or feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions, this episode is for you. Many people don’t realize they’re operating from codependent patterns because it often looks like being loving, loyal, or supportive on the surface. But underneath, it can feel exhausting, anxiety-provoking, and deeply disconnecting from your own needs.In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie Rubin is joined by trauma-informed coach, Brainspotting therapist, and narcissistic abuse recovery specialist Libby Sibert for a powerful conversation on how codependency forms, why breaking these patterns can feel so uncomfortable in the body, and how to begin shifting from chronic people-pleasing into grounded self-trust.Together, they explore the hidden signs of codependency many people miss, why setting boundaries can trigger guilt and fear even when you know change is necessary, and how these patterns live in the nervous system long before we consciously recognize them. You’ll also learn small, emotionally safe boundary practices, early signs that you’re moving toward healthier interdependence, and how to reconnect with your own needs after years of prioritizing others.If you’ve ever felt like you lose yourself in relationships, struggle to say no, or worry that putting yourself first makes you “selfish,” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening beneath the surface and how to begin building secure, balanced, and emotionally safe relationships, starting with the relationship you have with yourself.Connect with Libby on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/find_love_that_lasts_/Check out Libby's find love that lasts program: https://libbysibbert.kartra.com/page/FLTLFprogram1Check out Libby's coaching packages: https://www.libbysibbert.co.uk/coaching_packagesCheck out Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

If not knowing what’s coming next makes your chest tighten, your mind race, or your body brace for impact, this episode is for you. For many people, uncertainty isn’t just uncomfortable. It feels dangerous. The moment something is unresolved, open-ended, or unclear, the nervous system goes into survival mode: overthinking, reassurance-seeking, scanning for signs, needing answers now just to feel okay.In this episode, I’m joined by Ray Doktor to explore the fear of uncertainty, not as a mindset issue or lack of resilience, but as a nervous-system response shaped by safety, unpredictability, and past experiences.We talk about why the body often treats uncertainty as a threat, why making any decision (even a painful one) can feel more regulating than waiting, and how living in constant “I’ll be okay once I know” mode slowly exhausts the nervous system.You’ll hear us unpack:Why overthinking, urgency, and reassurance-seeking aren’t flaws, they’re protective strategiesHow fear of uncertainty shows up in relationships through the need for clarity, timelines, and reassuranceWhat’s really happening in the body when you feel stuck in the not-knowingWhy people who grew up in emotionally unpredictable environments often struggle most with uncertaintyHow constant mental vigilance keeps you braced, tense, and exhaustedMost importantly, we explore what actually helps, not by forcing yourself to tolerate uncertainty, but by creating safety inside your body.We talk about why healing fear of uncertainty requires working with the nervous system, how to stay present without freezing or spiraling, what healthy uncertainty feels like in a regulated body, and how to begin trusting yourself even when you don’t have answers yet.If uncertainty has been running the show in your life, and you’re tired of fighting your own mind, this conversation offers a gentler, more grounding way forward.If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Purchase Dr. Ray Doktor's book here: https://www.amazon.com/All-Takes-One-Hidden-Belief/dp/B0D1NSDB6LConnect with Dr. Ray Doktor on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drraydoktorcoaching/Connect with Dr. Ray Doktor on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/raydoktor

Have you ever wondered why your body reacts before you can think — even when you know you’re safe, loved, or “shouldn’t be this triggered”?In this episode, we explore triggers through a nervous-system lens and gently dismantle the belief that being triggered means you’re broken, failing, or doing healing “wrong.”I’m joined by Courtney, an Emotional Mastery and Self-Trust Coach, board-certified nurse coach, and pediatric nurse, for a compassionate and deeply grounding conversation about what triggers actually are, why they feel so intense, and how they impact our energy, relationships, parenting, and sense of self-trust.Together, we talk about:Why triggers feel so personal and discouraging — especially when shame says, “I should be past this by now”What’s really happening in the body when you’re triggered, from a nervous-system perspectiveHow triggers drain energy and show up in intimacy, communication, and motherhood — even when love is presentThe difference between managing triggers and healing their rootsWhy so many moms feel triggered and then immediately guilty for itWhat it looks like to work with a trigger instead of fighting or suppressing itHow healing triggers can restore not just calm — but deep self-trustHow triggers can become portals to self-connection rather than proof something is wrongThis is an honest, validating conversation for anyone who’s tired of trying to override their reactions and wants to understand their body with more compassion.Because healing doesn’t come from pushing yourself harder — it comes from listening more deeply.Connect with Courtney on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/the_eo_seahorse/Get access to Courtney's trigger reaction journal here: https://courtneycoacheswellness.app.clientclub.net/courses/offers/7a002f4b-a269-4927-8a3d-15d51da26eccConnect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-call

Why You Overthink, People-Please, and Fear Abandonment Understanding C-PTSD with Dr. Arielle SchwartzIf you have ever replayed conversations in your head, worried you said the wrong thing, people pleased even when it cost you, or felt a deep fear of being abandoned, this episode is for you 🤍In this conversation, we explore why these patterns do not mean you are broken and how they are often rooted in complex trauma or C-PTSD. I am joined by Dr. Arielle Schwartz, a licensed clinical psychologist, certified complex trauma professional, EMDR Consultant, and Kripalu yoga teacher. She is an internationally sought after speaker, a leading voice in trauma recovery, and the author of seven books including The Complex PTSD Workbook, EMDR Therapy and Somatic Psychology, The Post-Traumumatic Growth Guidebook, and Applied Polyvagal Theory in Yoga.Arielle also developed Resilience Informed Therapy, an integrative and trauma informed approach that centers nervous system safety and resilience, helping people heal without feeling pathologized or too much.Together, we unpack why overthinking, people pleasing, and fear of abandonment live in the body and what actually helps when insight alone is not enough.In this episode, we exploreWhy overthinking is so common in relationships and what it is really trying to protectWhy people who fear abandonment can feel calm when alone but anxious or dysregulated in closenessWhether attachment equals survival even in adulthoodWhy reassurance, logic, and positive thinking often do not calm these fearsWhat is usually missing when insight and self help have not been enoughWhere beliefs like I am too needy, too emotional, or too much often come fromWhat begins to change when these patterns are viewed through a nervous system and trauma informed lensHow Resilience Informed Therapy supports healing in a way that feels empowering rather than pathologizingWe covered what is one gentle first step toward building more safety in the bodyOne truth to hold onto the next time activation shows upThis is a grounding and compassionate conversation for anyone who is tired of trying to fix themselves and is ready to understand their patterns with curiosity, safety, and self trust ✨Connect with Dr. Arielle Schwartz here: https://drarielleschwartz.com/If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic healing & nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready reduce their anxiety/anxious attachment patterns. Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn.Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Loving someone with anxiety can feel confusing, exhausting, and lonely, especially when you’re trying so hard to be supportive… but nothing seems to help.In this episode, we talk about what actually helps when anxiety shows up in a relationship — and why support so often turns into fixing, walking on eggshells, or quietly abandoning your own needs.I’m joined by couples therapist and relationship coach Cheri Timko to explore how anxiety doesn’t just live in one person’s body — it lives in the space between partners. We break down why vulnerable conversations can feel so risky and how anxiety impacts emotional and physical intimacy (including sex).You’ll learn:Why trying to fix anxiety often creates more distanceHow to support your partner’s anxiety without losing yourselfWhat anxious partners actually need in moments of overwhelmHow to have vulnerable conversations without shutdown, blowups, or self-abandonmentHow couples can stay emotionally connected — even when anxiety is presentThis conversation is for partners who love each other and want to feel closer, safer, and more connected — without forcing change or silencing their own needs.If you’ve ever wondered, “How do I support my partner without disappearing myself?” — this episode is for you. 💛If anxiety or anxious attachment keeps showing up in your relationships, even when love is there, your body may still be living in the past. I am an anxious attachment specialist & trauma informed somatic coach who helps people heal their anxious attachment using somatic therapy and nervous system regulation.I have 4 January spots open for 1:1 somatic support for people who are ready to stop managing anxiety and start rewiring it.Somatic work helps your nervous system release old survival patterns that were formed before you had words, patterns like fear of abandonment, constant scanning, or feeling like you have to hold everything together to stay loved.When your body feels safe, connection no longer feels like something you have to earn. Book your free discovery call here to see if we're a good fit to work together: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Cheri here: https://www.instagram.com/couplescounselingcenter/Check out her workbooks on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Dr.-Cheri-Timko/author/B0DS3QB5KL?ref=ap_rdr&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by dating and relationship coach Emily Dini for a deeply honest conversation about why anxious attachment bonds so quickly and how to slow down without shutting your heart or abandoning yourself.If you’ve ever thought“I barely know them, but I already feel attached,”this episode is for you.We explore what’s actually happening beneath the surface when attachment moves fast inside your nervous system, your body, and the younger parts of you that learned long ago that connection had to be secured quickly to survive.We talk about the subtle ways fast attachment shows up over empathizing, avoiding hard conversations, proving and convincing energy, and the vetting mistakes that can quietly make you a magnet for emotionally unavailable, manipulative, or narcissistic partners. Not because something is wrong with you, but because your system learned to prioritize closeness over safety.You’ll hear why slowing down can feel threatening, almost like the connection will disappear if you don’t move fast, and why intensity so often gets mistaken for intimacy when attachment wounds are active.Most importantly, we talk about what pacing attachment actually looks like when you don’t want to shut down, pull away, or play games. How to stay emotionally open while staying connected to yourself and how to tolerate the discomfort of going slower without losing the bond.This is a conversation for the part of you that wants real, secure love but is tired of analyzing your patterns and still ending up in the same emotional loops.If you’ve ever told yourself “I always attach too fast, something must be wrong with me,” I want you to listen closely. There is nothing broken about you. There is a body asking for safety and a heart learning it doesn’t have to rush to be chosen.Slow doesn’t mean disconnected.Boundaries don’t mean closed.And secure love doesn’t require you to abandon yourself to keep it.

In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by Anna Holtzman, a visibility coach who works with sensitive creatives and entrepreneurs navigating the fear of being seen.Together, we explore what fear of visibility actually is — and why it’s not just a mindset issue, confidence problem, or resistance to self-expression, but a nervous system response rooted in safety, belonging, and past emotional exposure.We talk about how fear of visibility shows up not only in work and creative expression, but also in friendships, relationships, and everyday moments where you want to speak your truth — and feel your body pull back instead.Not because you’re incapable or blocked, but because part of you learned that being seen once came with real consequences.This conversation goes beyond “just show up anyway” advice and into what it actually takes to feel safe being visible without forcing yourself, overriding your body, or abandoning who you are.We discuss:What fear of visibility feels like in the body and nervous systemHow visibility can feel dangerous rather than excitingThe difference between self-expression and identity-based visibilityHow early experiences of shame, exposure, or loss of belonging shape fear of being seenWhy the nervous system can interpret visibility as a threatHow fear of visibility shows up in subtle, unrecognized waysHow Jewish identity and today’s polarized climate can add another layer to visibility fearsWhat “safe visibility” actually looks like in practiceSmall, body-safe ways to practice being seenWhat empowered visibility looks like when it’s led by a regulated nervous systemIf fear of visibility feels especially loud right now — whether in your work, relationships, or voice — this episode offers a compassionate, nervous-system–informed lens to help you understand what’s happening without pathologizing yourself.Because visibility isn’t about pushing harder.It’s about helping your body feel safe enough to be seen. 💛Check out Anna's Free workshop on healing the fear of being seen here: www.annaholtzman.com/beseenConnect with Anna on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/anna_holtzman/Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

In this episode, I sit down with anxious attachment coach Chris Rackliffe for an illuminating conversation about why so many of us with anxious attachment feel drawn to emotionally unavailable partners. We dig into the early wounds and nervous system imprints that shape our adult attraction patterns, how self-abandonment becomes a survival strategy, and what it really takes to break the cycle of choosing inconsistency over security. Chris & I brought both clinical depth and grounded warmth to this discussion, offering practical tools and compassionate insight for anyone ready to rewrite their relational blueprint and move toward partners who can truly show up.We dive deep on:Why We’re Drawn to Emotional Unavailability: unpacking how childhood wounds, early attachment patterns, and nervous system wiring make inconsistency feel like chemistry.Breaking Attraction Cycles: exploring how familiar emotional chaos can hijack your sense of safety and how to interrupt the urge to chase partners who can’t truly show up.The Roots of Anxious Attachment: understanding the pre-verbal imprints that shape self-worth, relational expectations, and what your body reads as “secure.”Self-Abandonment and Emotional Needs: identifying the subtle ways anxious attachers silence themselves, shrink their needs, or over-function to maintain connection.Rewriting Your Internal Blueprint: learning how self-trust, emotional honesty, and nervous system regulation help you choose stability over unpredictability.Co-Regulation as a Path to Healing: exploring how safe people, therapists, and grounded partners can help your system recalibrate and experience true emotional availability.Feeling Safe in Your Own Body: using somatic awareness and regulation tools to differentiate between real red flags and the discomfort of healthy intimacy.Normalizing Uncertainty in Early Dating: recognizing that doubt, activation, and hypervigilance are common for anxious attachers — and learning how to navigate them skillfully.Embracing Secure Connection: replacing old attraction patterns with partners who offer consistency, emotional presence, and genuine availability.If you’re wanting more support on how to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable partners, check out my masterclass - how to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable men here -  stan.store/healwithval/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-ora8z2guKeywords: anxious attachment, emotional unavailability, relationship healing, self-worth, communication skills, nervous system, vulnerability, co-regulation, emotional safety, inner child healinghttps://www.instagram.com/crackliffe/

If you’ve ever felt “here but not here,” numb, foggy, disconnected, or like your body quietly checks out the moment life gets overwhelming… this episode is going to land deeply.Today on The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Jaimie Marich — one of the leading experts in expressive and somatic trauma healing — to explore a survival response almost no one talks about, yet so many people live inside of: dissociation.We break down why dissociation isn’t a flaw, a weakness, or a character issue — it’s your nervous system’s brilliant strategy for surviving what once felt unmanageable.And when you finally understand it, everything starts to make sense.Inside this conversation, we explore:✨ Why the nervous system chooses dissociation instead of panic, anxiety, or fight-or-flight✨ The biggest myths about dissociation, especially in high-functioning or overachieving people✨ Moments in Dr. Marich’s life where dissociation showed up as protection✨ How expressive + somatic work can reach places talk therapy can’t✨ Why dissociation can make relationships feel confusing — like you’re present, but not fully “in” your body✨ What happens when you try to force yourself to be grounded (and why it often backfires)✨ The feeling of “losing myself” or “going away” — and what’s really happening underneath✨ How Dr. Marich gently brings clients back when they float away, without pushing or overwhelming the system✨ What every survivor needs to hear about dissociation being a sign of resilience✨ How to support the nervous system when someone begins thawing, feeling, or “coming online” again✨ A simple practice you can do right now if you’re dissociating as you listenThis episode is a compassionate reminder that you are not broken, your body adapted.And there is a path home.Check out Dr. Jamie Marich's here: https://jamiemarich.com/Purchase Dr. Jamie Marich's book - Dissociation Made Simple here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/710427/dissociation-made-simple-by-jamie-marich/If you’re craving support in gently coming back into your body, healing your anxious attachment style, or understanding why your nervous system protects you the way it does, I’m accepting a small number of 1:1 clients for deep somatic and attachment work. Inside our work together, your body learns safety. Your patterns shift. Your relationships become deeper and more fulfilling and your life expands. If you’d like to explore whether we’re a good fit, you can apply by booking a discovery call here: https://calendly.com/freedomwithvalerie/discovery-callConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

When Receiving Feels Unsafe: Healing the Overgiver’s Nervous SystemIn this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie dives into one of the most misunderstood trauma-responses she sees in anxious attachment:why receiving — support, love, money, care, ease — can feel unsafe, even when you deeply want it.Valerie is joined by Marina Triner, The Compassionate Somatic Coach, for a raw, nervous-system–centered conversation about the overgiver’s dilemma:you’re excellent at caring for others… yet the moment someone tries to care for you, your body tenses, shuts down, or goes into vigilance.Together, they explore:✨ Why receiving triggers danger signals in an overactivated nervous system✨ The early relational patterns that wire in “I’m the giver — that’s how I stay safe”✨ The somatic roots of guilt, shame, and hyper-independence✨ How women learn to feel responsible for everyone else’s emotional world✨ Sneaky ways overgivers sabotage support, love, and abundance✨ Why “being poured into” can feel overwhelming or undeserved✨ The deeper fear beneath the thought: If I let someone give to me, they’ll see how much I need… and they’ll leave.Marina also shares deeply personal stories from her own healing — moments when someone tried to support her and her first instinct was to reject it — and what those reactions revealed about her nervous system.You’ll learn:💛 How to uncouple receiving from threat💛 How to build capacity for support in real time — in the body, not the mindset💛 How to step into feminine receptivity without feeling weak, needy, or dependent💛 What it actually looks like to retrain your body to tolerate — and eventually welcome — love, money, help, and careIf you’ve ever said:“I’m so good at giving… but receiving makes me anxious,”this episode will feel like coming home to yourself.Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Marina on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/marina.y.t/Listen to Marina's Podcast "Deep Within Podcast" here: https://marinayt.com/podcast

In this solo episode, I’m diving deep into the caretaker wound — the pattern that keeps so many anxiously attached women stuck in relationships where they’re over-giving, over-functioning, and slipping into their masculine without even realizing it.If you’re tired of attracting men who don’t take initiative…If you’re exhausted from always being the one who holds the emotional weight…If you catch yourself chasing, proving, fixing, or nurturing in hopes that he’ll finally show up…This episode is going to land in your body.We break down:✨ Why the caretaker identity feels safer than being truly seen✨ How “being needed” becomes an attachment strategy✨ Why you subconsciously choose men who don’t lead✨ How caretaking keeps you in your masculine, and why it repels secure masculine energy✨ The false sense of vulnerability that comes from over-giving✨ Why receiving feels terrifying — and why your younger parts panic when you try✨ The deeper nervous system imprint that says: “If he needs me, he can’t leave me”✨ How this pattern gets created in childhood and reinforced in adulthood✨ The somatic signs you’re slipping into caretaker mode✨ How to stop chasing and start receiving in a way your system can actually tolerate✨ What it feels like to finally put the caretaker down and be met by someone emotionally availableThis episode is your gentle, powerful reminder that caretaking is not love — it’s survival.And you deserve a relationship where you don’t have to earn connection, perform for it, or carry the whole thing on your back.It’s time to feel safe being seen.It’s time to let yourself be chosen.It’s time to come home to the part of you that no longer needs to be needed to feel worthy.Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

The holidays are marketed as “the happiest time of the year”… but for so many people, they’re the most emotionally overwhelming.In this episode, I’m joined by Danielle Zilg, MFT-in-training and host of The Feeling & Healing Podcast, for a deep, compassionate conversation about navigating anxiety, depression, grief, and family triggers during the holiday season.Together, we explore:✨ Why the holidays often activate dread instead of joy—and what your nervous system is actually responding to.✨ How family gatherings trigger old attachment wounds, emotional regression, and childhood roles you thought you’d outgrown.✨ A moment in Danielle’s life when her own holiday anxiety hit a breaking point—and what it revealed about what she truly needed.✨ Real stories of people shifting from shutdown or panic to grounded safety with somatic tools.✨ How to navigate dysfunctional parents, toxic family patterns, and resurfacing shame during holiday events.✨ What to do if you’re walking into a gathering already activated (step-by-step somatic support you can use immediately).✨ How to cope with the pain of seeing happy couples when you’re healing from a recent breakup or abusive relationship.✨ What Danielle wants anyone struggling with anxiety, depression, or grief this holiday season to know—and the message she wishes she heard years ago.This is a gentle, validating, nervous-system–informed episode for anyone who feels heavy, triggered, or emotionally exhausted this time of year.If the holidays don’t feel merry to you… you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you.Connect with Danielle on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/danielle.z.mft/Check out Danielle's Website here: https://www.daniellezmft.com/Check out last week's episode I recorded with Danielle: The Hidden Roots Of Anxious Attachment: Adoption, Preverbal Wounds, & Somatic Healing: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3z0WfkQAeTgTjoI45R36X9?si=5OFn6DrlRHqQQr7K3Js5DAConnect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Do you want to break your attraction to emotionally unavailable partners and change your dating life forever?! Then my free masterclass - Break Your Attraction to Emotionally Unavailable Partners will be perfect for you! Here's the link to tune into it:stan.store/healwithval/p/get-my-templateebookcourse-now-ora8z2gu

In this deeply grounding episode, I sit down with marriage and family therapist-in-training Danielle Zilg to explore the hidden somatic roots of anxious attachment — the ones that begin long before your first relationship, and in Danielle’s case, long before she ever had words.We dive into the preverbal and adoption wounds that shaped her earliest sense of safety, belonging, and self, and how those imprints created an anxious attachment style that didn’t make sense logically… but made perfect sense through the lens of her nervous system.Together, we unpack:What happens inside an anxiously attached body when someone pulls awayHow culture and environment decide whether your body lives in survival modeWhy preverbal trauma + adoption can wire “I’m not enough” into the nervous systemInner child wounds that shape your relationship triggers todayWhy affirmations don’t work when your body is the one holding the fearHow talk therapy can unintentionally retraumatize people with anxious attachment/CPTSDWhy “feel it to heal it” isn’t enough — and what actually helps emotions processAdult self-anchoring and how to create internal safety from the inside outMy own experience using Brainspotting to release ancestral trauma from my bodyThis conversation is for anyone who has ever wondered:“Why does my body panic, spiral, or shut down even when nothing is ‘wrong’?”“Why do I feel rejected so quickly?”“Why can’t I think my way out of this pattern?”You’re not broken — you’re carrying imprints from a time before you had language.And those imprints can be healed.This episode will help you understand your attachment triggers on a body level, reconnect with the younger parts of you who never got the safety they needed, and begin rewriting the nervous system patterns that have kept you in survival mode.Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielle.z.mft/

In this week's episode, Valerie sits down with the incredible Dr. David Grand — the creator of Brainspotting — to talk about something that’s changed both my life and my clients’ lives: healing anxiety and attachment patterns through the body using brainspotting.If you’ve ever felt like, “I understand my trauma, but nothing changes,” this conversation will show you why your brain and body might just need a different doorway to healing. We’re going deep into how Brainspotting helps release what talk therapy can’t and how it can truly rewire the anxious brain.In this episode, we explore: ✨ Why insight alone doesn’t calm the nervous system — and what actually does ✨ Why emotional safety sometimes feels boring or foreign for people who grew up in chaos — and how Brainspotting begins to rewire that ✨ Whether Brainspotting alone is enough, or if pairing it with inner child healing is key to healing anxious attachment ✨ For the person who’s tried everything — therapy, journaling, affirmations — and still feels broken or ashamed, what the true missing link to transformation is ✨ Why we often judge ourselves for being triggered, instead of realizing the body is simply trying to finish an old story ✨ What to expect when starting Brainspotting — including the sensations, emotions, and shifts that can unfold afterwardIf you’ve been searching for a deeper, faster way to heal your anxiety, attachment wounds, or trauma — one that goes beyond mindset work and reaches the body itself — this conversation will change how you see healing forever.Learn more about Dr. David Grand here: https://brainspotting.com/about-brainspotting/david-grand-phd/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/?hl=en

Jealousy is one of the most triggering emotions in relationships — and one of the most misunderstood.In this episode, trauma-informed somatic marriage coach Becky Aste joins Valerie to unpack what’s really happening beneath jealousy — and why it’s not something to get rid of, but something to listen to.Together, they explore:✨ What happens to trust and connection when jealousy goes unaddressed✨ Why telling yourself “don’t be jealous” never works✨ How jealousy impacts your sense of safety and self-worth✨ The first somatic steps to take when jealousy rises in your body✨ How to talk about jealousy in a way that deepens connection instead of creating conflictIf you’ve ever felt hijacked by jealousy or blamed yourself for feeling “too much,” this conversation will help you understand the nervous system roots & how to turn jealousy into an opportunity for healing and intimacy. 🦋Other podcast episodes that were recorded with Becky on this podcast: Heal your abandonment wound, improve your relationship, and overcome your fear of death with Becky Aste: https://open.spotify.com/episode/73saII22wTvNAwhR7BSoKZ?si=pPPpjbD6SIucgeLcqozZ7wFrom Frozen to Flee: Healing the Freeze response in your relationships with Becky Aste: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7rBXXGG2c7oiTYinh2rsgP?si=IgJmyjJoQ1CkHNcjXgSNLgMe as a guest on Becky's Podcast: Decoding your marriage through attachment theory: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0BkmnrgrmqJVbnxXrobfLA?si=-bfKiMFcTXi6fJbODa4pDQ Connect with Becky on Instagram Here: https://www.instagram.com/becky_aste/

Welcome back to The Anxiety Recovery Podcast 💫This week, we’re diving into a topic that even the most “healed” and high-achieving among us still struggle with — self-doubt.That quiet but powerful voice that whispers, “Who am I to do this?”That moment before you take a leap where your chest tightens, your heart races, and your mind floods with every reason you might fail.And even after all the therapy, healing, and inner-child work — self-doubt can still find its way in.Joining me is Raquel DaRowe, an incredible Rapid Transformational Therapist (RTT) and subconscious-mind expert who helps people break free from the limiting beliefs that keep them stuck in fear and self-sabotage. Raquel blends deep subconscious reprogramming with emotional healing to help clients quiet the inner critic and rebuild unshakable self-trust.In this episode, we explore:✨ Where self-doubt really comes from (hint: it’s not laziness or lack of confidence)✨ Why we often fear our own potential more than failure✨ The difference between anxiety and fear — and how to tell which one is driving you✨ How to move from “I’m not enough” to embodied self-trustAnd we get real about questions like:💭 What did self-doubt used to sound like in your head?💭 Why does self-doubt hit hardest after we start to step into something bigger — instead of before?💭 What’s the difference between anxiety and fear?💭 Can you remember a moment when self-doubt almost won — when that inner voice told you you weren’t enough, but you chose to move anyway?💭 What do you wish people understood about how exhausting it is to constantly feel like you’re not “ready” or “qualified”?💭 What helped you start believing in yourself when your mind had no evidence yet — when you had to borrow faith before results?💭 How can someone begin to build self-trust again if they’ve broken it with themselves over and over?💭 And if you could whisper one sentence to every listener trapped in self-doubt right now — what would you want them to hear?If you’ve ever achieved something big but still felt like it wasn’t enough, this episode will help you understand why — and how to rewrite that story from the inside out.Tune in, take a deep breath, and let’s explore the psychology of self-doubt together. 💛Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Raquel on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inner.sanctuary.guide/Check out Raquel's website: https://raqueldarowe.com/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaffmTL-k31cloODMhqW_eQF0oS2MdvQ7RKvvObdrLfHDSMdoC01bZCSCkb-zw_aem_lbqVR-fZX-c_C6SUXFm68w

What happens when the same control and independence that make you powerful in the world start to quietly sabotage your relationships?In this week’s episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, Valerie Rubin sits down with Shilpa Cacho — a love coach and mentor who helps women shift out of control and back into connection, so they can inspire their partners to rise instead of shut down.Together, they unpack:✨ How being in control everywhere else can leak into your relationships✨ The subtle ways women emasculate their partners without realizing it✨ And how to shift these patterns so you feel safe to let go — and your partner feels trusted, respected, and deeply connected to you again.We explore powerful questions like:💭 A lot of women pride themselves on being independent, organized, and in control — but how can that “control” energy actually spill into relationships in ways that hurt intimacy?💭 What are some of the subtle ways women emasculate their partners — even when they think they’re just being “helpful” or “taking initiative”?💭 Why do so many women today unconsciously take on the “masculine role” in relationships, and what toll does that take on connection?💭 Can you share a story from your coaching practice — or even your own life — where a woman thought she was “doing the right thing” by taking control, but it actually created distance in her relationship?💭 For women, what’s the hidden cost of always being the one “in control”? How does it drain them emotionally, mentally, or even physically?💭 For the woman listening who’s realizing, “Wow, I might be doing this without even knowing,” what are the first tiny shifts she can make today?💭 And what conversations can women have with their partners to invite them into leadership — without it turning into blame or criticism?If you’ve ever found yourself correcting, managing, or “helping” your partner — this conversation will help you understand what’s really driving those impulses, and how to reconnect to your feminine energy without losing your power.👉 Tune in now to learn how to stop leading from control… and start leading with trust. Connect with Shilpa on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shilpacacho/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

The Science of Heartbreak: Why It Hurts Like Physical Pain (and How to Heal)Why does heartbreak feel like physical pain—almost like withdrawal? In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I sit down with hypnotherapist Deron Singh to break down what’s happening in your brain, body, and subconscious when love ends—and how to find your way back to safety.In this conversation, we answer:Why heartbreak feels like physical pain and withdrawalWhat’s happening in the subconscious mind that makes heartbreak feel addictive and so hard to let go ofHow heartbreak can lock you into cycles of anxiety, insomnia, and even panic attacksWhy so many people feel like they “lost a part of themselves” after losing someone they loveWhat we’d say to someone who feels hopeless—like this heartbreak will define them foreverDrawing from Deron’s own experience of deep heartbreak: What’s the first gentle step forward if you’re scared to face your pain?How hypnosis helps calm the nervous system so you can finally feel safe againIf you’re in the thick of it, this episode is your reminder: you’re not broken—you’re healing. Press play to learn practical, nervous-system–based steps to move from panic to peace, release the addictive pull, and start feeling like yourself again.Connect with Deron on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deron_singh/Connect with Deron on his youtube channel: @deron_singh Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

What if the very things you call “too much” or “broken” are actually your nervous system’s way of keeping you safe?In this powerful conversation with trauma expert Tim Fletcher, we dive deep into the truth about complex trauma (CPTSD) — how it physically reshapes the brain, impacts identity, and wires us to chase love that feels unsafe. Together we unpack:✨ Why a delayed text or a change in tone can feel overwhelming when you have CPTSD ✨ Big T vs. little T trauma and how both leave lasting imprints ✨ Why people with anxious attachment are drawn to emotionally unavailable partners (and why healthy love feels “boring”) ✨ How trauma bonds mirror addiction and keep us stuck in cycles of chaos ✨ The role of co-regulation and how to relearn self-soothing + safety ✨ Healing core wounds and tools for managing triggers and emotions ✨ What life looks like if you never do the healing work — and the freedom that comes when you doIf you’ve ever wondered why love feels like walking on eggshells, why secure partners trigger the “ick,” or how trauma keeps shaping your choices long after the past is over — this episode will give you the answers (and the hope) you’ve been searching for.Connect with Valerie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

If you’ve ever found yourself anxiously waiting for a text back, replaying conversations in your head, or needing constant reassurance from your partner just to feel okay, you’re not alone. This is the reality of anxious attachment — but here’s the truth: reassurance alone will never heal it.What actually heals anxious attachment is emotional safety.In this powerful episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by author and coach Chris Rackliffe to uncover why emotional safety is the foundation of secure love — and why chasing words, promises, or validation will never be enough if your nervous system doesn’t feel safe.Chris shares his own story of realizing he wasn’t emotionally safe in a relationship, what shifted when he finally found that sense of safety, and the turning point where he discovered that the body — not just the mind — holds the key to healing.We dive into:✨ What it actually means to lack emotional safety in a relationship (and the subtle signs you may be missing)✨ How anxious attachment shows up in self-talk, self-criticism, and the painful belief that you’re “broken”✨ What emotional safety looks and feels like in a healthy, secure partnership✨ Why consistency and simple routines help retrain the nervous system to trust again✨ The one practice you can try this week to start building safety in your body and relationshipsThis conversation is an invitation to stop chasing reassurance and start creating real, lasting safety — in your body, in your nervous system, and in love.If you’re ready to break free from anxious attachment, this episode will show you the missing piece you’ve been searching for.Connect with Chris here: https://www.instagram.com/crackliffe/Buy Chris's book; Need No More: The Journey From Anxious to Secure Attachment: https://amzn.to/4n6fWyQConnect with Valerie here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Why does being alone feel so unbearable, even when you know you’ll be okay? Why do breakups or abandonment trigger such intense spirals that it feels impossible to calm down?In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, we dive into the hidden roots of anxious attachment: preverbal trauma — those earliest wounds formed before we even had language. These deep imprints can wire your nervous system to panic when you’re alone, pull you back into trauma bonds, and make you feel like you’ll never be able to fully regulate without someone else.Together, we explore:✨ How preverbal trauma connects to the fear of being alone and trauma bonds✨ Why “I can’t live without them” panic is really your preverbal wound resurfacing✨ What it actually takes to access preverbal trauma (and how you’ll know you’re there)✨ Why healing this root wound can finally make you feel safe in your own body✨ The signs that preverbal trauma is starting to heal — and the hope for those who feel broken or “unfixable”If you’ve done years of healing work but still feel stuck, terrified of being alone, or caught in cycles of settling for less in love, this conversation will give you clarity, hope, and a path forward.Check out Stephen's Website here: https://www.austinattach.com/ Connect with Valerie here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Welcome back to The Anxiety Recovery Podcast! I’m your host, Valerie Rubin, and today we’re diving into a fear that keeps so many of us stuck: “What if I get this wrong?”You know the spiral — your chest tightens, your brain won’t shut off, and you second-guess every move because one wrong choice feels like it could ruin everything. Whether it’s love, career, or everyday decisions, self-doubt can feel paralyzing.My guest today, Danielle Bongiorno — speaker and author of Take the Leap — knows this fear intimately. But more importantly, she knows how to move through it.Together, we unpack:✨ Why the fear of being wrong has such a chokehold on us✨ What happens in our minds and bodies when we’re taught not to trust ourselves✨ Danielle’s most vulnerable leaps — and the turning points where she chose trust over fear✨ The hidden cost of living in indecision and hesitation✨ Practical tools you can use right now to build unshakable self-trustIf you’ve ever found yourself frozen in limbo, spiraling in “what if I get this wrong?”, this conversation will give you the permission — and the tools — to take the leap anyway.Connect with Val on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Connect with Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedaniellebongiorno/

Love Under Pressure: Dating While Building an Empire with Alexander JohnsonWhat happens when the pursuit of building an empire collides with the desire for love? Can entrepreneurs truly have both — without sacrificing one for the other?In this episode, I’m joined by Alexander Johnson, founder of Mixt Solutions, host of the Entrepreneur, Among Other Things podcast, and a man who’s generated over $200 million in online sales. Alexander knows firsthand the pressure that comes with ambition, and together we dive into the realities of dating, intimacy, and relationships when you’re building something massive.We explore:Why so many entrepreneurs treat love like a distraction or “side hustle”The hidden fears behind putting relationships on hold until after “making it”How high performers can unintentionally turn intimacy into another KPIThe emotional toll of leading in business but lacking support at homeShifts, practices, and reframes that help entrepreneurs build love alongside their empireThis conversation is raw, vulnerable, and empowering — a reminder that love isn’t optional fuel, it’s foundational fuel. Whether you’re scaling your business or just dreaming bigger for your life, you’ll walk away with hope, clarity, and practical ways to stop postponing love and start letting it amplify your success.Connect with Alexander on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alexandervjohnson/Check out the podcast I was on for Alexander's show: https://youtu.be/vuDdiY8bghA?si=B6vNXxW_FAgUqmqCCheck out Alexander's Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/06QZEpviUSca6cJxEJ9IF2?si=7ff9c3e0265143c6

Have you ever felt like you’re always on guard in relationships — scanning every tone shift, bracing for abandonment, or waiting for the other shoe to drop? That’s hypervigilance: the body’s survival response that makes love feel unsafe, even when nothing is wrong.In this episode, I’m joined by Kieran Pollitt, Transformational Alchemist, for a deep conversation on what hypervigilance really feels like in the body and how to begin rewiring your nervous system so safety, not danger, becomes your baseline.Together, we explore:✨ The lived experience of hypervigilance — why your body feels like it’s “buzzing” with threat✨ How childhood survival strategies (like monitoring every mood shift) follow us into adult love✨ The hidden ways hypervigilance seeps into work, friendships, and even being alone✨ Practices that help the nervous system learn to rest, regulate, and receive love✨ What a supportive partner can actually do (and what to avoid)✨ The most important truth to hold onto if you’ve ever felt “too much” because of your hypervigilanceIf you’ve struggled with anxious attachment, panic when a partner pulls away, or exhaustion from always being “on,” this episode will remind you: hypervigilance is not who you are — it’s what happened to your nervous system. And healing is possible. 🕊️Connect with Kieran here: https://www.instagram.com/kieranpollitt_/Connect with Valerie here: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Do you ever catch yourself asking, “Are we okay?”—not once, but over and over—even when nothing is actually wrong? Maybe you’ve gotten reassurance, only to feel that anxious knot creep back hours later. If so, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken.In this episode, I sit down with Thais Sky to unpack the cycle of reassurance-seeking in anxious attachment and the worthiness wound that hides underneath it. Together, we explore why external reassurance never seems to stick, how your nervous system learned to scan for signs of love and safety, and what it actually takes to feel secure without constant confirmation.We dive into:👉 Why anxious attachment makes “Are we okay?” feel so urgent👉 The link between reassurance-seeking and the fear of being too much or not enough👉 Why reassurance brings temporary relief but not lasting safety👉 How the nervous system fuels this endless scanning for love👉 Practical tools to build self-reassurance that feels just as calming as external reassuranceIf you’ve ever felt like you’ll always need reassurance to feel loved, this episode will give you both compassion and hope—and maybe even the permission to believe you’re already enough.Connect with Thais on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamthaissky/Connect with Val on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

The High Cost of Pretending You’re Fine (and How to Live Authentically Without Fear)We’ve all done it—looked someone straight in the eye and said, “I’m fine” when we’re anything but. For many of us, especially if we’re anxiously attached, that mask becomes a survival strategy. We learn to perform, to be agreeable, to read the room before we speak—because deep down, we’re terrified that if people saw the unfiltered version of us, they’d pull away. But over time, that performance drains our energy, spikes our anxiety, and keeps us from being truly loved for who we are.In this episode, I’m joined by Optimal Living Coach Shannon Wooten, creator of The Braid Framework—a powerful approach to living from rhythm, not rigidity. Shannon’s framework is built on 5 root elements: Presence, Values, Emotional Regulation, Perspective, and Romance. Together, we dive into why authenticity can feel so threatening when you have a fear of abandonment, the subtle ways self-abandonment shows up in daily life, and how to start reclaiming the parts of yourself you’ve hidden to keep the peace.We talk about:Why pretending you’re fine feels safer—but secretly keeps you lonely.How to recognize the invisible cost of molding yourself to be “acceptable.”The nervous system shifts that make fearless authenticity possible.How to live from your own rhythm, even when life gets messy.Small, doable steps to stop performing and start living in alignment with your truth.If you’ve ever felt like you’re losing yourself just to keep someone else, this conversation will give you the courage—and the tools—to drop the mask, root into what’s real, and come home to yourself.Connect with Shannon here: Her instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shannonwooten/Her website: https://www.lifewithshannon.com/?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAafjbBnwsb05EN6ProkqcKA1AbPNG9MYKHt4lmZTOMM2u-g7njpO2XLD8XYCzw_aem_0_HDSS4xWWM1Irsta7wlIAConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Why You Stay in Almost Relationships That Leave You Starving (with Kendall Brown)Why does it feel safer to chase someone who won’t fully choose you… than to receive the real thing?In this powerful episode, I sit down with Women’s Trauma & Relationship Coach Kendall Brown to explore the painful cycle of situationships, breadcrumbs, and “almost” love—and why so many women with anxious attachment stay stuck in it.We dive into the deep emotional roots of why being “almost chosen” feels addicting, how trauma and emotional neglect shape what we accept, and why being under-loved can feel familiar—but also fucking exhausting.Kendall shares a raw story from her own journey of waking up from the cycle of crumbs, and together we unpack the nervous system imprint that keeps so many women tolerating love that’s inconsistent, confusing, and half-hearted.You’ll learn:The red flags of breadcrumbing you might be overlookingWhy “he’s not that bad” is a trauma response in disguiseHow to rewire your nervous system to stop craving chaos and start craving connectionAnd the first steps to breaking free from the illusion of “almost” loveIf you’ve ever felt like you were starving in a relationship that almost gave you what you needed—but never truly did—this episode is your permission slip to walk away and remember what you’re worthy of.You were never meant to settle for crumbs. You were meant for the whole damn meal. 🍽️💔Connect with Kendall on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kendallbrowncoaching/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Why is letting go so hard—especially for people like us? In this episode, we dive deep into why we cling, control, and grip so tightly in relationships, work, and even our sense of self-worth. If you’ve ever wondered why you keep ending up in the same patterns, even in totally different seasons of life, there’s a reason—and it’s not because you’re broken.Your nervous system craves familiarity like oxygen. Even if the pattern hurts, it feels safer than the unknown. Uncertainty registers as danger for the brain and body, so when life feels unpredictable, your system pulls you back to old coping strategies for a false sense of control.We’ll unpack:Why letting go triggers so much fear and resistanceThe hidden emotions under the surface—grief, anger, shame—that make surrender feel impossibleA viral reel that left me triggered (and what it taught me from a trauma-informed perspective)The deeper fears gripping protects—abandonment, rejection, failure3 trauma-informed tools to feel safe while letting goHow somatic work helps your body trust uncertainty instead of panickingIf you’ve ever tried to surrender and felt like your whole body said “NO,” this episode will help you understand why and show you how to take small, safe steps toward trust.Ready to stop gripping and start trusting? Hit play.Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Money isn’t just numbers in your bank account—it’s a mirror reflecting your deepest beliefs, fears, and unresolved wounds. In this powerful episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I sit down with finance coach Mark Harrison to uncover why money creates so much stress and shame—even for people who seem “okay” on paper.We explore how childhood experiences and family dynamics silently shape your relationship with money, why scarcity thinking feels so hard to shake, and the myths that keep you stuck in anxiety and self-sabotage. Mark shares his own journey of confronting money trauma, plus the turning point that inspired him to help others break free.You’ll learn:How money anxiety shows up in everyday life (often in sneaky ways)What it really means to be “good with money”The patterns that keep people feeling unsafe financiallyHow money stress bleeds into relationships, health, and self-worthSmall, actionable steps you can take today to start feeling more empowered around moneyIf you’ve ever felt trapped in shame, fear, or scarcity thinking about your finances, this conversation will give you hope, insight, and tools to begin healing.Connect with Mark on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/yourmoneymark/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Have you ever wondered why, no matter how many hours you spend in therapy or how much you understand your anxiety, your body still feels like it’s stuck in survival mode?You’re not alone.For so many of us, anxiety isn’t just a mindset issue—it’s a nervous system issue. It lives in your chest, in your stomach, in that constant sense of dread you can’t shake. And no amount of talking about it seems to make it go away.In this powerful conversation, I’m joined by Stevie Wright, a breathwork facilitator, somatic healer, and plant medicine advocate, to explore the missing piece to overcoming anxiety and finally feeling safe in love + life.Together, we dive deep into:🌿 Why talk therapy can’t always reach the trauma stored in your body—and what to do instead🌿 The hidden ways unprocessed emotions shape your money, business, relationships, and sense of self-worth🌿 What happens when you finally give yourself permission to heal through somatic practices🌿 The transformative role of plant medicine—and how to know if it’s right for you🌿 Simple, accessible ways to start connecting to your body and calming your nervous system todayStevie shares her own vulnerable story of what her life looked like before somatic work—being the “overachiever” trying to prove her worth, always living in her head, disconnected from her body, not feeling confident, struggling with comparison and jealousy toward other women, and finding it hard to be truly vulnerable with the people closest to her.Whether you’re curious about breathwork, feeling called to plant medicine, or just tired of feeling like your anxiety is unfixable, this episode will remind you that healing is possible.✨ You don’t have to live in a constant state of fight or flight.✨ You don’t have to keep telling your story over and over, hoping this time it will finally make the pain go away.✨ You deserve to feel safe in your body—and in your life.If you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck, this conversation is the invitation you’ve been waiting for.🎧 Tune in now and discover what’s possible when you stop trying to think your way out—and finally let your body lead the way.Connect with Stevie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stevielwright_/Join Stevie's Breath Channel here: https://www.stevie-wright.com/the-breath-channelJoin Stevie's Retreat: https://www.stevie-wright.com/radianceJoin Stevie's Microdosing Program: https://www.stevie-wright.com/bloomConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Why does it feel like love is always just out of reach? In this episode, I’m joined by somatic relationship coach Lindsey Lockett to dive deep into one of the most magnetic—and most painful—relationship dynamics: the anxious-avoidant loop. Together, we explore the real emotions behind “loving too hard” and the heartbreaking moments when the person you love starts to pull away.We unpack powerful questions, like:💔 How can someone tell they’re in an anxious-avoidant loop vs. just in a relationship with different needs?💔 What did it feel like in your body when you were caught in that push-pull cycle—and what shifted in your healing journey?💔 Was there ever a moment you realized that healing didn’t just mean getting the other person to show up—but actually learning to show up for yourself?💔 What are some of the most heartbreaking beliefs that keep avoidant partners from fully receiving love?💔 What’s going on beneath the surface for the avoidant partner when they’re pulling away?💔 What does it look like to stop blaming the other person and start tending to your own emotional landscape?💔 What boundaries or practices help break the anxious-avoidant loop without shaming either partner?💔 Can this dynamic actually become healthy—or is it always a sign that something’s unworkable?💔 What would you say to the person listening who feels stuck in the pain of this pattern but still deeply loves their partner?In a vulnerable twist, Lindsey coaches me in real time through a personal dynamic that mirrors the anxious-avoidant cycle—and what unfolds is raw, healing, and deeply validating for anyone who's ever felt caught in love that feels both consuming and confusing.If you’ve ever felt like you love too much or need too much—or if you’ve been the one to pull away when it gets too close—this episode is for you.Connect with Lindsey on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/iamlindseylockett/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Today’s episode is one of the most tender, honest, and emotionally raw conversations I’ve ever shared on the podcast.I sat down with Acceptance coach & grief guide Chris Mamone to explore the kind of grief that doesn’t always have a funeral. The kind that creeps into your everyday life — when someone you loved deeply is no longer there, when you don’t get closure, when you find yourself in the rubble of conflict, wondering who you are now.This conversation is deeply personal. I opened up about my own grief journey — the ache that’s been living in my chest, the relationship limbo I’ve been navigating, and the pain of grief. And in real time, Chris gently coached me through it. His presence is like an exhale; steady, grounded, and full of compassion. He doesn’t rush grief. He honors it. And he helps us find the path forward without bypassing the pain.Inside this episode, we explore:💔 The often invisible grief that comes with love lost, identity shifts, and relationships without closure🌀 How conflict in relationships can re-activate old wounds — and how to respond with tenderness rather than shame💬 What it means to sit with your grief instead of trying to fix or force your way out of it🕊️ The journey of coming home to yourself — to unconditional self-acceptance — even when everything feels uncertainWhether you're grieving someone, missing a version of yourself, or carrying the kind of ache no one else can see — this episode is for you. You don’t have to go through it alone. Let this conversation be a space to feel, soften, and begin to rebuild.Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Check out Chris's Website: www.empoweredgriefjourney.comCheck out Chris's Podcast: https://empoweredgriefjourney.podbean.com/Connect with Chris on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thechrismamoneConnect with Chris on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/empoweredgriefjourney/Check out Chris on Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@empoweredgriefjourney

Have you ever been told you're too sensitive, too emotional, or just too much? Or maybe you’ve silenced your needs in love, hoping to be more palatable, more agreeable—more "enough."In this empowering episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by Amy Young, a mentor and guide for women in the midst of awakening and initiation, for a deep dive into the fear of being “too much” in relationships.We explore:The origin of the “too much” wound and how it shapes our love livesWhat it really means to shrink yourself to be acceptedThe emotional cost of hiding your truth and needsHow people-pleasing can lead to resentment, burnout, and numbnessWhat we lose when we choose acceptance over authenticityThe power of nervous system regulation and embodiment in reclaiming your fullnessWhat unapologetic, fully expressed love can look and feel likeThis episode is for the woman who’s tired of abandoning herself to keep the peace—and ready to create love that honors who she really is.Connect with Amy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amyyoungcoCheck out Amy's website here: https://amyyoungcoaching.com/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://amyyoungcoaching.com/

What happens when your identity feels like something to hide instead of something to honor?In this raw and healing conversation, I sit down with Ari Kantor to unpack the quiet, often unspoken fear many Jews carry — the fear of being Jewish. The fear of being stereotyped, misunderstood, dismissed, or not belonging at all. Together, we explore the internalized shame passed down through generations, the trauma of silence, and the weight of ancestral memory shaped by antisemitism and survival.Ari shares her personal journey of growing up disconnected from her Jewishness — shaped by harmful stereotypes like “Jews are greedy” or “Jews run the world,” and the subtle messages that being visibly Jewish wasn’t safe. We explore questions like:Can you describe the first time you felt ashamed or unsafe for being Jewish?What did it feel like to not resonate with your identity because of how it was misunderstood?What was the turning point when you began to reclaim your Jewish identity and feel proud again?How did you begin to unlearn the shame you carried?Ari vulnerably walks us through how Krav Maga, mindset work, and embodiment practices helped her return to herself — to safety, power, and pride. We also dive into the collective experience:How does it feel to walk through the world carrying both the fear of being Jewish and the pain of not being seen at all?What practices help build nervous system safety around being fully seen and heard in your identity?What does embodied safety mean as a Jewish woman in today’s world?And if fear wasn’t in the way… what truth would you speak unapologetically about being Jewish?I also share my own story — healing ancestral trauma around the Holocaust through brainspotting, and finding the courage to let go of the fear I didn’t even realize I was carrying.This episode is a sacred invitation to anyone who’s ever felt the need to shrink, hide, or apologize for who they are. It’s about reclaiming your voice, honoring your lineage, and finding safety not in silence — but in embodiment.Connect with Ari on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/arifit_ari/Check out Ari's website here: https://www.arifit.com/thrive?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaekdCw3gHwP3qvgcupUYLaY4uTkauEhdRws64Aq76AWum62NCEZ4W9gJ8RfRQ_aem_kF4yCCjowfez6FVaw1F_7QConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Muscles Don't Lie: What Chronic Tension Is Really Telling You — with Dr. Mike IzquierdoIs your body trying to tell you something your mind has been avoiding?In this powerful episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Mike Izquierdo — chiropractor, author, and nervous system expert — to explore the hidden language of chronic tension and what it reveals about unresolved emotional wounds. We dive deep into what actually happens in the body during fight, flight, or freeze… and why so many people stay stuck in high-functioning survival mode without even realizing it.Dr. Mike shares how emotional trauma often manifests as persistent muscle tension, how defensive patterns can linger long after the threat is gone, and why this somatic stress is so often overlooked in traditional healing. He opens up about his personal journey, the moment he knew conventional approaches weren’t enough, and how somatic healing transformed his understanding of pain and anxiety.We talk about:The overlooked connection between muscle tension and emotional traumaWhy anxiety often shows up physically before it shows up mentallyHow to begin regulating your nervous system and create safety in your bodyWhy healing happens when we stop numbing and start listeningIf you’ve ever felt exhausted, anxious, or in pain without a clear reason — this episode is for you.Purchase Dr. Mike's Book -- https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08PL9Y97L/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=drmikeiz-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B08PL9Y97L&linkId=8f3b631c30a6f0bd637b4b8e6b25fa4d&fbclid=IwY2xjawKKJIRleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETFUNVROSDFaVk5aSlNIT3RZAR7FGjMv5Twkq0ZzvjQSBuTWoI56S9Mw5ArYKRGWaTOsU7E5lPjBqEQdX5Dguw_aem_yuUO05sODLPftyOyodcu3wBook a session with Dr. Mike at his chiropractic practice in Lakewood, Ohio here: https://drmikeiz.com/?fbclid=IwY2xjawKKJNdleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETFUNVROSDFaVk5aSlNIT3RZAR4jkUs4l3Nc5AcvHeLlmGieEk9cDFi_ks2ClFtbkHnE-viyZZkxAHGJ4_8q7w_aem_cxeaXaHCsHQQSkrNHjOtngConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

Why do we push away love even when we deeply crave it? In this powerful and eye-opening episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I’m joined by self sabotage coach Nathan Francis to unpack the hidden ways we sabotage healthy love—and why. We explore the subtle signs of self-sabotage, how childhood emotional wounds can make safety feel like a threat, and the internal beliefs that keep us stuck in painful patterns. Nathan shares vulnerable moments from his own journey, including the realization that he was the common denominator in his relationships. We also discuss how to heal after sabotage, break the cycle of shame, and finally allow in the love we deserve.If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep messing up something good?”—this episode will bring clarity, compassion, and hope.Connect with Nathan on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nathanfrancis__/Listen to my episode on Nathan's Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2rz6kS4uhFSDWwysYti5nF?si=SxymEMlORjqLEOx53iRiMwConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

In this powerful and heart-opening episode, I’m joined by trauma-informed Human Design specialist and somatic coach Rosy Crescitelli (@wholeheartrosy) to explore what it really means to trust yourself—especially if you've been shaped by high-demand religions, rigid systems, or experiences that made you doubt your inner knowing.Rosy shares her personal journey and offers insights into how disconnection from the body leads to misalignment, how shame and conditioning block our intuition, and why so many of us try to "think" our way into self-trust—when it's actually something we need to feel.If you’ve ever struggled with making aligned decisions, felt stuck in patterns of self-doubt, or wondered how to reconnect with your inner authority, this episode offers a somatic and soulful path forward.We’ll cover:Why self-trust isn’t a mindset—it's a body-based practiceHow Human Design can help you embody your truthThe cost of living out of alignment with your inner knowingA gentle starting point for those who feel disconnected from themselvesThis is your invitation to drop the pressure, tune into your body, and reclaim the trust that’s always been within you.Connect with Rosy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wholeheartedrosy/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

In this episode, we discuss how relationships affect your health, how to find a secure man, pursuing a spectacular life, and more!Time Stamps:(0:17) First Episode After Moving Back to Colorado(3:28) Who Is Valerie Outside of Work?(9:14) How Relationships Affect Your Health(14:25) Realities of Our Nervous System and Relationships(16:50) What Makes Someone Attractive?(23:13) Finding A Secure Man(25:50) What Is Attachment Theory?(32:20) The Addiction To Stress(35:15) Different Attachment Styles(38:50) The Financial Aspect(45:12) Living a Spectacular Life and Love(58:30) Sitting In Your Discomfort(59:28) Advice and Action Steps For You(1:01:26) Where To Find Valerie---------------------Follow Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/Follow Alex on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alex.undefined_/

What if healing didn’t always have to be heavy? In this heart-opening conversation with trauma-informed coach and play movement specialist Angie Berrett, we explore a radically different approach to healing—one rooted in play, joy, and pleasure.We dive into what happens when you've psychologically outgrown your family or friends, and why healing that only focuses on crying, journaling, or “doing the work” can sometimes leave us feeling stuck or incomplete. Angie shares how integrating joy helped her realize she was missing a vital piece of the puzzle—even after doing all the “right” things.We also talk about why play can feel unsafe, even guilt-inducing, especially for those of us with anxious attachment or trauma histories. Is it possible that joy can feel like a betrayal to the pain we’ve endured? And if so, how do we move through that?Angie offers practical tips for those constantly in survival mode who want to begin reconnecting with joy but don’t know where to start—and shares powerful insights from the 7 primal circuits in the brain (SEEKING, RAGE, FEAR, LUST, CARE, PANIC/GRIEF, and PLAY) to help us understand why play is not just fluff, but essential for healing.If you’ve ever told yourself, “Play isn’t productive” or “I don’t have time for joy,” this episode is your invitation to shift that story. Learn how reclaiming play can rewire your nervous system, deepen your relationships, and radically transform your sense of self-worth.Connect with Angie Here: https://angieberrettmovement.com/

How to Rewire Your Brain for Secure Love (Instead of the Highs & Lows of Toxic Relationships)Why does secure love feel boring after toxic relationships? How do you know if your gut feeling is real or just an old trauma response? In this episode, I sit down with somatic healing coach and toxic love recovery expert Emily Colligan to break down the nervous system shifts needed to stop chasing unavailable partners and start feeling safe in healthy love.We explore:✨ Recognizing Toxic Patterns & Self-SabotageCan you share a moment when you realized your nervous system was wired for unsafe love?What patterns kept showing up for you?How do you differentiate between a gut feeling and an old trauma response in dating?What are the biggest nervous system shifts that help someone stop chasing unavailable people?What are some sneaky ways people self-sabotage when they finally meet someone secure?If someone feels hopeless about ever breaking their toxic relationship patterns, what would you say to them?What’s the most powerful shift you’ve seen in yourself (or clients) from doing this work?What are the signs that someone’s nervous system is still wired for unhealthy love and toxic relationships?Why do so many people feel bored in secure, healthy relationships after experiencing toxic dynamics?What’s a relationship moment that triggered your deepest wounds—and how did you work through it somatically?💭 Understanding How Your Nervous System Wires You for LoveWhat’s something you used to believe about love that now makes you cringe?How does our nervous system learn to associate love with emotional unavailability, neglect, or stress?Can you share a story of a client (or yourself) who kept chasing unavailable love—until they rewired their nervous system? What changed for them?💡 The Path to Secure LoveWhat’s the difference between true safety in love vs. feeling ‘addicted’ to a toxic dynamic?If you’ve ever felt stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns, this episode is for you. Healing is possible—tune in now! 🎧💛Connect with Emily On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emilycolligantherapy/Join Emily's Masterclass here: https://stan.store/emilycolligantherapy/p/rewireforhealthyloveConnect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/

In this episode of The Anxiety Recovery Podcast, I sit down with registered dietitian Alex Long to explore the deep connection between anxious attachment, body image, and our relationship with food. We unpack how anxious attachment shows up in the way women see their bodies, the patterns of emotional eating and restriction that stem from attachment wounds, and how to start listening to your body’s actual needs instead of following rigid plans out of fear.We also dive into what it means to build a secure attachment with your body, health, and fitness—learning to trust your body again after years of dieting, over-exercising, or feeling disconnected from yourself. Plus, we tackle the big one: detangling your worth from achievement and learning that you don’t have to ‘earn’ love through success.If you've ever felt like your body was something to control rather than trust, or that your worth was tied to how much you achieved, this conversation is for you.🔗 Tune in to reclaim a more compassionate, trusting relationship with your body and self.Connect with Alex on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alex.undefined_/Connect with Valerie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healwithval/