Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life
by Michelle Burkhard
This growing tribe of thinkers focuses on finding the results we want in our personal AND professional lives by becoming more aware of our patterns of thinking and choosing how we want to think. Join [email protected] Give from your heart:CashApp: $growby1Venmo: @Michelle-Burkhard-3PayPal: [email protected]
Episodes
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Problem Not the Problem: Integrated Coach
Finding a deeper issue does not mean ignoring the practical one. Michelle closes the week at Level 5, the Integrated Coach, where the coachee returns with new awareness about building part of her identity around being needed, and she still has forty-seven things on her list. This episode shows…
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Problem Not the Problem: Transformational Coach
What does this pattern protect? What does it provide? At Level 4, the Transformational Coach asks the coachee what she gets from being the person everyone can count on. Her answers move from stress, to feeling useful, to feeling important, and then to a long silence when she is asked who she is…
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Problem Not the Problem: Skillful Coach
Sometimes a coachee is already telling us what the problem is without realizing it. At Level 3, the Skillful Coach listens for contradictions in her language: wanting boundaries whileneeding to be available, wanting to delegate while needing it done right, wanting her evenings back while worrying...
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Problem Not the Problem: Relational Coach
What is it like to feel responsible for so much? At Level 2, the Relational Coach moves from what the coachee is doing to what she is experiencing. As the conversation unfolds, thetime-management problem begins to connect with something more personal: “I hate disappointing people,” and “I don’t...
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Problem Is Not the Problem: Structured Coach
“My problem is time management.” Michelle opens a new week of Five Levels in Real Coaching Conversations with aleader who is overwhelmed: a packed calendar, a growing task list, late nights, and messages answered after hours. This week follows one presenting problem through all five levels to...
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Integrated Coach: Silence
Silence is a tool, not a virtue. Michelle closes the week at Level 5, the Integrated Coach, where more silence does not automatically mean better coaching. The question is always what this person needs right now. Michelle walks through several versions of a follow-up conversation: one where the...
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Transformational Coach: Structure
Sometimes silence shows up when a question touches identity. At Level 4, the Transformational Coach stays witha coachee who says, “I don’t know who I am if I’m not working toward something.” Michelle explores what happens as a long-held belief comes into view: if I’m capable of doing more, I…
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Skillful Coach: Silence
Not all silence means the same thing. At Level 3, the Skillful Coach begins to tell the difference between thinking silence, emotional silence, confused silence, defensive silence, andthe silence of a coachee who has left the conversation entirely. Michelle follows the coachee as a new question...
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Relational Coach: Silence
What is happening between coach and coachee when the room goes quiet? Michelle continues the week’s story atLevel 2, the Relational Coach. The coachee’s silence turns out to hold more than uncertainty. It holds judgment, and maybe some shame, about wanting something different from a job other...
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Structured Coach: Silence
You ask a question, and the coachee goes quiet. Five seconds. Ten. What happens inside you? Michelle begins a new week of Five Levels in Real Coaching Conversations by walking one silent coaching moment through all five levels. The coachee is successful, respected, and secure, and she isn’t sure...
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When An Integrated Coach Meets A Performance Gap
Sometimes a transformational breakthrough needs something surprisingly ordinary: a calendar appointment. Or a deadline. Or ten minutes of writing something absolutely terrible! Because the goal isn't always to feelfearless, become perfectly confident, or eliminate every obstacle. Sometimes the…
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When A Transformational Coach Meets A Performance Gap
What if the reason you haven't finished that big dream isn'tbecause you lack discipline, but because finishing means someone might actually see it? And worse yet, they might have an opinion! Welcome to TransformationalThursday, where we're exploring what happens when our desire to succeed gets...
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When the Skilled Coach Meets A Performance Gap
What if procrastination isn't really about being lazy? Whatif all that planning, researching, revising, and preparing is actually protecting you from something? After all, nobody can criticize the book you never publish, the course you never launch, or the idea you never share. Pretty clever…
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When the Relational Coach Meets A Performance Gap
"I know, I know. I didn't do it." Have you everheard someone begin a conversation already defending themselves? When someone repeatedly fails to follow through on something they say they want, shame andfear of judgment can quickly enter the picture. And sometimes, the most important thing we can...
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When The Structured Coach Meets A Performance Gap
Have you ever worked with someone who says they really want something, but their actions keep telling a different story? They want better boundaries but keep saying yes. They want to grow their business but avoid making offers. They want to write a book, but somehow the laundry keeps gettingdone...
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When An Integrated Coach Meets Emotion
What does an Integrated Coach do when someone getsemotional? Everyone’s favorite answer: it depends. Sometimes we explore the emotion. Sometimes we provide structure. Sometimes we simply keep going. And sometimes good coaching means recognizing that the person may need support beyond what…
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When A Transformational Coach Meets Emoiton
Can you care deeply about someone without becomingresponsible for their outcome? That question can challenge more than a behavior. It can challenge how we see ourselves as leaders, coaches, parents, friends, and helpers. On this Transformational Thursday, Michelle explores whathappens when…
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When A Skillful Coach Meets Emotion
What if the emotion is real, but the story attached to itisn’t the only story available? Our coachee’s employee is leaving, and she feels like she failed. But “she is leaving” is a fact. “I failed” is the meaning she has attached to that fact. In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens...
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When A Relational Coach Meets Emotion
What do you do when someone you care about gets emotional? For many of us, the instinct is immediate: reassure them, make them feel better, or somehow make the emotion go away. But sometimes being relational means resisting the urge to rescue. In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens...
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When A Structured Coach Meets Emotion
What happens when the person you’re coaching suddenly starts crying, gets angry, or simply stops talking? Even a capable coach can have that moment of, “Oh my gosh, what do I do now?” In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens whenemotion meets the Structured Coach. Frameworks and…
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Integrated Coach: What Should I Do?
So, does a great coach ever give advice? The answer may be alittle more nuanced than simply yes or no. In today’s episode, Michelle brings “What do you think I should do?” to the Integrated Coach, where the focus shifts from following a rule to using discernment. Sometimes a question is exactly...
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Transformational Coach: What Should I Do?
What if “What should I do?” isn’t really about the decisionin front of you? What if the deeper question is about who you believe you are supposed to be? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when thisquestion meets the Transformational Coach. A promotion may look like success on…
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Skilled Coach: What Should I Do?
“I don’t want it, but I should want it.” Have you evercaught yourself saying something like that? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when “What do you think I should do?” meets the Skillful Coach and one little word opens the door to a much bigger conversation: should. By…
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Relational Coach: What Should I Do?
When someone asks, “What do you think I should do?” they may not actually be asking you to make the decision. They might be asking for reassurance, permission, certainty, encouragement, or simply a safe place to say what they are really thinking. In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens...
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Structured Coach: What Should I Do?
“What do you think I should do?” It sounds like such asimple question, but for a coach, it can open up a whole lot more. Do you give your opinion? Ask another question? Toss it right back to them with, “Well, what do YOU think you should do?” and hope for the best? In today’s episode, Michelle...
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Integrated Coach: Repetitive Problem
What if seeing the same problem again doesn’t mean you’reback at the beginning? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when a recurring problem meets the Integrated Coach. Growth isn’t always linear. Sometimes we notice sooner, recover faster, stay stuck for less time, or make a...
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Transformative Coach: Repetitive Problem
What if the behavior that makes absolutely no sense from theoutside makes perfect sense from the inside? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when a recurring problem meets the Transformational Coach. Instead of asking, “Why do you keep doing this?” we become curious aboutthe…
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Skilled Coach: Repetitive Problem
What if the problem that keeps showing up isn’t really theproblem at all? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when a recurring problem meets the Skillful Coach. Instead of treating each situation as an isolated event, this coach begins listening across conversations, noticing...
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Relational Coach: Repetitive Problem
What happens when someone keeps bringing back the sameproblem, but the problem might not actually be the whole story? In today’s episode, Michelle explores what changes when a recurring problem meets the Relational Coach. Instead of jumping straight into another solution, this coachslows down…
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Structured Coach: Repetitive Problem
Have you ever had someone bring you the same problem again and thought, “Wait... didn’t we already do this?” In today’s episode, Michelle explores what happens when a recurring problem meets the Structured Coach. Sometimes another goal, another plan, and another action step are exactly what…
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Integrated Coach: IDK
Sometimes the wisest response is a deep question. Sometimes it is encouragement. Sometimes it is silence. And sometimes, for goodness’ sake, we just need to send the email. Growth does not always mean going deeper. Sometimes growth means knowing what this particular moment actually requires. We…
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Transformational Coach: IDK
Sometimes the thing we are trying to change makes perfectsense when we understand what is underneath it. Maybe you keep saying yes because somewhere along the way, being capable became connected to doing everything. Maybe you struggle to create boundaries because disappointingsomeone feels like...
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Skilled Coach: IDK
Sometimes the problem we are trying to solve is not actuallythe problem. Someone says they are overwhelmed, so we help them manage their time. They keep saying yes, so we help them organize theircalendar. They have too much to do, so we help them prioritize. All useful things. Unless the real...
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Relational Coach: IDK
There is a difference between making someone feel safe andmaking sure they never feel uncomfortable. That distinction matters. When someone we care about is struggling, our instinct maybe to rescue them. We reassure. We soften. We fill the silence. We try to make the uncomfortable feeling...
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Structured Coach: IDK
What happens inside you when someone responds to athoughtful question with three little words: “I don’t know”? Sometimes our instinct is to jump in. Ask another question.Offer some choices. Explain what we meant. Rescue the conversation. Anything to fill that slightly uncomfortable space. But…
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What Do They Need From Me Right Now?
After a whole week of learning different ways to helppeople, we arrive at Level Five of the Five Levels of Coaching and the wonderfully frustrating answer: it depends! Sometimes people need a question, sometimes connection, sometimes a challenge, and sometimes they need us tolovingly hush and sit...
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Maybe It's Not About Doing Anything
What if the challenge in front of you isn’t only asking youto do something different, but to become someone different? In this episode, we explore Level Four of the Five Levels of Coaching and the move from awareness into transformation. Because the job, the relationship, the conflict, or even…
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What If The Problem Isn't The Problem?
What if the thing you keep trying to fix isn’t actually theproblem? Plot twist! In this episode, we explore Level Three of the Five Levels of Coaching and the power of getting curious about the patterns underneath our problems. Instead of rushing toward an answer, what might happen if we...
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What If They Don't Need A Solution?
What if the person you’re trying so hard to help doesn’tactually need your solution? Ouch. Sometimes people don’t need us to fix the problem, make the discomfort disappear, or share the brilliant story about how we handled something similar. Sometimes they simply need a safe place to tellthe…
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When You Want To Fix It
Ever have someone share a problem and your brain immediately jumps in with, “Oh! I know what you should do!” Welcome to being human. In this episode, we explore Level One of the Five Levels of Coaching and what can happen when we resist the urge to fix and instead ask a question that helps…
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Your Dream Needs Fuel
Big dreams need more than passion. They need fuel. In thisepisode, Michelle shares the dream underneath so much of her work: helping 10,000 education coaches reach transformational levels of coaching and creating a ripple effect throughout education that cannot be undone. She also gets very real...
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Sometimes, Life Is Hard
Sometimes life gets hard, and sometimes growth meansrealizing that not everyone is meant to travel every part of the journey with us. In this episode, Michelle shares a meaningful conversation with longtime mentor John Maxwell about the people we gain, the people we release, and the loneliness…
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No More Hope
What if we stopped hoping things would work and startedbuilding processes designed to make them work? In this episode, Michelle continues her takeaways from the Maxwell International Certification event and explores the difference between inspiration and intentionality. Whether we arespeaking,...
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You Are Never Alone
Even when we feel lonely, we are never truly alone. In thisepisode, Michelle shares another takeaway from her Maxwell International Certification experience: the helpers really are everywhere. From friends offering hugs and encouragement, to family cheering from home, to a team serving people…
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I Told You I Was Good!
There is something wonderfully satisfying about finallygetting the opportunity to show people what you have been telling them all along: “I told you I was good!” In this episode, Michelle shares a takeaway from the Maxwell International Certification event about stepping onto the stage, owning…
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Spiritual Companion
What if one of the greatest gifts we could offer anotherperson is not advice, answers, fixing, or even a really impressive motivational speech, but simply the willingness to listen deeply? In this episode, Michelle explores the idea of a spiritual companion, someone who pays attention not onlyto...
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Seeking External Nourishment
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked,appreciated, successful, or occasionally greeted with a heart instead of a thumbs up. The trouble starts when we need the outside world to continually feed us proof that we are enough. In this episode, Michelle explores what happens when our hunger...
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Emotional Hygiene
You probably would not skip showering for a week, work inthe garden and cook dinner without washing your hands, or voluntarily roll around in a dumpster and then wonder why you feel a little gross. So why do we sometimes do the emotional equivalent? In this episode, Michelle exploresemotional...
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Originality Is Challenging
Being yourself sounds wonderfully inspirational until yourealize there is no instruction manual for being you. In this episode, Michelle explores why originality can feel so challenging when copying, comparing, fitting in, or following someone else’s proven path would be so much easier.From...
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Growth = Tension
Growth is beautiful, inspiring, and occasionally incrediblyannoying because it almost always comes with tension. In this episode, Michelle explores why that uncomfortable feeling may not be a sign that something is wrong, but a signal that something is ready to change. Whether you are facing...
About this show
This growing tribe of thinkers focuses on finding the results we want in our personal AND professional lives by becoming more aware of our patterns of thinking and choosing how we want to think. Join [email protected] Give from your heart:CashApp: $growby1Venmo: @Michelle-Burkhard-3PayPal: [email protected]
Hosted by
Michelle Burkhard
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