Soulful Wahine

As we step into May—AAPI Heritage Month—I found myself reflecting on what this journey has actually looked like for me. It’s been 5 years of being a therapist, and almost a full year of Soulful Wahine… and if I’m being honest, I don’t always take the time to pause and really sit with that.So instead of jumping into another topic, I wanted to slow down and share what this work has genuinely taught me.Not just as a therapist, but as a Polynesian woman navigating healing, relationships, and identity in real life.In this episode, I talk about:what I had to unlearn about healingwhy being understood matters more than being “fixed”what it actually looks like to sit with someone in their pain without trying to change itand how this work has changed the way I see people… and myselfThis isn’t a “perfectly packaged” episode.It’s reflective, grounded, and honest.

Hot takes I have as a therapist… that might piss you off.In this episode, I’m getting real about the patterns I see over and over again—the ones that keep people stuck, even when they’re “doing the work.”We’re talking about the gap between awareness and change, why closure isn’t something other people give you, and how certain behaviors that look like growth are actually rooted in self-abandonment.This episode isn’t meant to shame you.It’s meant to challenge you to look at what you might be tolerating, avoiding, or holding onto—and why.If something makes you pause, sit with it.That’s usually where the shift begins.

You don’t miss them.You miss the relief you felt when they finally treated you right.That’s not love… that’s a trauma bond.In this episode, we’re breaking down the difference between real love and emotional addiction—because trauma bonds aren’t just “toxic relationships.” They’re cycles built on inconsistency, highs and lows, and the nervous system getting hooked on temporary safety.If you’ve ever felt like you know something isn’t right, but you can’t seem to let go…If the connection feels intense, consuming, and hard to walk away from…If you keep going back even when it hurts…This episode is for you.We’re getting into:• What a trauma bond actually is• Why it feels like love• The role of the nervous system and intermittent reinforcement• Signs you’re stuck in the cycle• What real, safe love actually looks like🎙️ Episode 19: You're Not in Love. You're Trauma Bonded. — now live.

In this episode, I’m breaking down some of the toxic patterns I’ve had in relationships... but from a healed, accountable perspective. Not to shame myself, but to understand where they came from and how they showed up.I talk about:•Overreacting to conflict•Shutting down instead of communicating•Trying to leave before I could be left•And staying longer than I should haveThese weren’t just “bad habits.” They were protection strategies that made sense at one point, but started costing me healthy connection.This episode is for you if you’ve ever found yourself thinking,“Why do I keep doing this in relationships?”We’re not avoiding accountability over here… but we’re also not abandoning ourselves in the process.Healing isn’t about becoming perfect.It’s about becoming aware enough to choose differently.

Ever found yourself reacting to something minor… and then thinking, “why did that hit me so hard?”In this episode, I break down what’s actually happening when you get triggered—because it’s not about being dramatic, sensitive, or “doing too much.”We’re talking:•how your nervous system stores past experiences•why certain moments feel bigger than they “should”•and how old emotional wounds get activated in present-day situationsYour triggers aren’t random.They’re information.If you’ve ever felt confused, overwhelmed, or even embarrassed by your reactions—this episode will help you understand yourself on a deeper level.🎧 Listen now & start responding instead of reacting.

There was a version of me that thought I was doing everything right in relationships.I was patient.I was understanding.I avoided conflict.I tried to see the good in people.And for a long time… I thought that meant I was loving correctly.But when I look back now, I can see how often I was choosing them over me.I ignored red flags and convinced myself I was overthinking.I over-explained my feelings just to be understood.I stayed quiet to keep the peace.I ignored what my body was trying to tell me… even when it was screaming at me that something wasn’t right.And the hardest part?It wasn’t just them.I had to come to terms with the fact that there was a part of me that kept staying, kept explaining, kept hoping that if I just loved better… it would finally feel different.In this episode, I’m walking through the ways I used to abandon myself in relationships, what started to shift for me, and what I had to learn about choosing myself... even when it felt uncomfortable.This isn’t about blaming yourself.It’s about becoming aware of patterns you were never taught to question.Because once you see it, you can start to change it.🧠 In this episode, I talk about:•What self-abandonment looked for me•Ignoring red flags•Over-explaining and the need to be understood•People-pleasing, silence, and avoiding conflict•Listening to my body and recognizing misalignment•The shift from self-abandonment to self-awareness•What it really meant to start choosing myself⸻🌺 Stay Connected:Instagram: @SoulfulWahine

Have you ever felt anxious, overwhelmed, or even turned off when someone shows up for you in a healthy way?You’re not broken—and you’re not “too much.”Your nervous system may have simply learned that love isn’t safe.In this episode of Soulful Wahine, we’re diving into how relational trauma and past experiences can wire your body to associate love with inconsistency, anxiety, or emotional pain. If you’ve ever found yourself craving deep connection but pulling away when it actually shows up, this conversation is for you.We’ll talk about:•why healthy love can feel unfamiliar (or even boring)•how trauma shapes your attachment patterns•the difference between emotional intensity and emotional safety•how to begin creating a new, safer experience of loveThis isn’t about blaming yourself—it’s about understanding yourself on a deeper level.Because healing isn’t just about choosing better…it’s about feeling safe enough to receive better.🤍Connect with me:Podcast IG: @soulfulwahine

What happens when life teaches you that the world isn’t always safe… and your own instincts feel harder to trust?In this episode of Soulful Wahine, I explore what it really means to relearn safety after emotional pain, betrayal, trauma, or survival mode. When we’ve been hurt—by relationships, systems, or life experiences—our nervous system often adapts by becoming hyper-vigilant, guarded, or disconnected from our intuition.But healing isn’t about forcing yourself to “just trust again.”It’s about slowly rebuilding safety within yourself first.In this episode, we explore:•Why pain and betrayal can make you doubt your own judgment•How survival mode disconnects us from our intuition•Why self-trust is something we rebuild, not something we magically “get back”•Gentle ways to reconnect with your inner voice and emotional safetyThis conversation is for the women who have done the inner work but still feel cautious, guarded, or unsure of themselves after being hurt.Healing doesn’t mean becoming naive again.It means learning how to trust yourself to handle whatever comes next.If this episode resonates with you, be sure to follow and share Soulful Wahine with someone who might need this conversation.

Not every season of growth is loud.Sometimes the most important seasons are the quiet ones. The ones where things slow down, momentum shifts, and you’re left questioning whether you’re still moving in the right direction.In this episode of Soulful Wahine, we’re talking about the emotional reality of slow seasons. The burnout that can come from constantly pushing yourself, the doubt that creeps in when things aren’t moving as quickly as you hoped, and the inner work it takes to keep showing up without abandoning yourself in the process.Social media often makes success look constant and effortless, but real growth rarely looks that way. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stay grounded, stay committed to your vision, and trust that what you’re building takes time.If you’ve been in a season where things feel slower than expected, this conversation is for you.In this episode we explore:•Why slow seasons can feel so uncomfortable for high-achieving women•The emotional toll of burnout while building something meaningful•Ways to stay grounded and connected to your purpose when momentum feels quietRemember: a slow season does not mean you’re failing.Sometimes it simply means your roots are growing deeper before the next chapter begins.

October has always been my favorite month. It's my birth month, I love the color changes that come with fall, and all things SPOOKY! 👻🎃 It's also the birth month of my aunty and cousin, who I lost in the Maui Wildfires in August 2023. Over time, this month has become both joy and remembrance for me.In this bonus episode, I share what it's been like to hold space for both; celebrating my life while honoring theirs. Even though I ugly cry in this episode a couple of times 😂😭, this isn't a sad episode. It's about legacy, love, and finding beauty in the duality of grief and gratitude.✨ Whether you've lost someone or you're learning to celebrate while navigating complex emotions, this one's for you.Be sure to tune in weekly to Soulful Wahine for more conversations on healing, self-love, and identity.

Toxic love feels magnetic, addictive, and nearly impossible to walk away from. But why? In this episode of Soulful Wahine, we're breaking down the red flags of toxic love, why we stay even when it hurts, and how these relationships can literally rewire our nervous system over time.Whether you've been caught in the cycle yourself or you're supporting someone you love, this conversation will help you see the patterns more clearly and reclaim your power. Because love shouldn't leave you drained, confused, or small. It should feel safe, steady, and expansive.In this episode I go over:- Some common red flags or signs of toxic love.- Why walking away can feel impossible- The difference between trauma bonds and bonding through trauma- Green flags to look for in healthy, grounded love.If this resonates with you, don't forget to share it with someone who needs the reminder: you deserve more than inconsistent and unsure love.

Before we can break cycles or step into healthier versions of ourselves, we first have to see the patterns we're caught in. In this episode, I dive into why awareness is the very first step of healing and why it has to be paired with grace instead of shame. Together we'll explore the blocks that keep us from seeing clearly, gentle tools to build self-awareness, and how slowing down helps us move forward with compassion instead of criticism. This is your reminder that healing isn't about perfection... but rather it's about noticing, slowing down, and offering yourself grace along the way ✨

After two months away, I'm back and ready to reintroduce myself, my voice, and my vision for Soulful Wahine. In this episode, I share what's been going on behind the scenes, why I stepped away, and what you can expect moving forward. Think of this as a fresh reset. Both for me and for the community we're building together. Welcome back to Soulful Wahine.

This episode is one of the most personal ones I've shared.I was taught to be strong, composed, selfless. I didn't realize until years later that I was also taught to shrink; to silence my needs, to put everyone else first, to be the version of a woman that made other's comfortable.But healing meant I had to unlearn her.In this episode I talk about:- What it looked like to unravel those old versions of myself.- How my mom's love helped me rebuild from the inside out.- The grief of feeling out of place after leaving Hawai'i- And the journey of finally feeling safe enough to be me -- all of me.I'm not the woman I was raised to be. I'm the woman I chose to become. And that changed everything for me.

We often talk about healing like it's a straight line, from pain to peace, from trauma to transformation. But real healing? It's messy, nonlinear, and layered. In this episode, we unpack the spiral nature of healing-how you can circle back to old wounds AND still be growing. I'll share how your brain and body store emotional pain, how neural pathways and survival patterns show up when you least expect them, and why revisiting hard feelings doesn't mean you've "failed."We'll also explore how Polyvagal theory, safety, and self-trust are essential to staying grounded on the healing journey. Whether you're feeling stuck, triggered, or like you're "back at square one", this episode is here to remind you: you're not broken, you're becoming.Book recommendation: My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakemhttps://a.co/d/1Cwal1d

In this tender and thoughtful episode of Soulful Wahine, we're exploring attachment styles through the lens of self-compassion and curiosity - not shame. So many of us grew up learning how to love and protect ourselves in ways that made sense at the time... even if they feel messy or confusing now.Whether you find yourself getting anxious in relationships, pulling away when things get too close, or struggling to trust your needs are valid - this episode will help you make sense of it all.We'll talk about what each attachment style might look like in everyday life, how your earliest relationships shaped the way you show up now, and what healing can look like as you move toward feeling safer, softer, and more secure.This isn't about labeling yourself - it's about learning to love the parts of you that were just trying to survive 💛Book recommendation: https://a.co/d/a1fRcWg

This one's going to sting.... but it's all love.You're not attracting emotionally unavailable people, you're tolerating them. And today, we're unpacking that pattern with honesty, softness, and accountability.In this episode of Soulful Wahine, I'm diving into:- Why chaos feels like chemistry.- How your nervous system mistakes inconsistency for love.- What real self-love looks like (Hint: it's not just bubble baths + mantras)- The difference between choosing peace and being "too cold"- How to finally stop settling for emotional breadcrumbs.This episode is your wake-up call AND your warm hug. You're not hard to love-you're just done accepting less.🎧 Listen now + share it with someone who always gives too much.

Friendship breakups can cut just as deep as romantic ones - especially when it's with a sister you thought would be in your life forever. In this episode, we explore the grief, betrayal, and silence that often surround broken bonds between women. But we're also talking healing- how to restore your sense of sisterhood and call in deeper, more soulful connections with women who truly see you. If you've ever felt burned, left out, or like you're better off alone... this one's for you. There is a sisterhood out there that feels safe, nourishing, and real.Book recommendation: https://a.co/d/c5Z84DV

Your inner child isn't just a memory - it's a living part of you that still craves joy, play, softness, and imagination. But for so many of us, especially as Polynesian women and women of color, childhood wasn't always safe. Playfulness was shut down. Joy felt conditional. Creativity took a backseat to survival.In this episode of Soulful Wahine, we're diving into:🌺 What inner child healing actually looks like.🎨 Why reconnecting with our inner play and creativity is essential to your healing.🤍 How joy becomes a form of resistance when you were to taught to shrink.Whether you're reparenting yourself, trying to feel more alive, or finally giving yourself permission to have fun - this episode is your invitation to soften, explore, and reclaim the parts of you that never stopped dreaming.This week's book recommendation: The Inner Child Workbook: https://a.co/d/52a4WUp 🔔 Follow for more healing-centered episodes rooted in truth, culture, and care. 💌 Share this with a sis who's learning to feel safe in her joy again.

Why does saying "no" feel so heavy? In this episode of Soulful Wahine, we're diving into the deeper roots of people pleasing - especially in cultures where being "the good girl" or "the strong one" is expected. I talk about how fear of disappointing others can keep us stuck in cycles of burnout, resentment, and self-abondonment.Whether you learned to keep the peace in your family or just can't shake the guilt that comes with setting boundaries, this one's for you. Let's talk about what it means to choose yourself without shame.Book mentioned:The Disease to Please by Dr. Harriet Braiker.Mahalo & Aloha, - Kehaulani.

Polynesian women are strong - but that strength often comes at a cost. In this episode of Soulful Wahine, we talk about the deep emotional pain that goes unspoken in our communities, and why talking about mental health still feels so taboo. We dive into what it means to break the silence, normalize therapy, and begin honoring your emotional needs without shame.Follow on IG: @soulfulwahineSubscribe on YouTube: @soulfulwahine#SoulfulWahine #PolynesianMentalHealth #BreakingGenerationalCycles.

Welcome to the very first episode of Soulful Wahine! I'm your host, Kehaulani, a licensed mental health therapist, and proud Polynesian & Black woman, here to create a space for healing, connection, and truth-telling. In this episode, I'm sharing Soulful Wahine's mission statement, my personal story, how this podcast came to be, and what you can expect from this soulful, raw, and empowering journey. Whether you're here for the sisterhood, the stories, or the healing - you're in the right place.