Two Therapists Talking

David & Sherie begin talking about the CSAT model of recovery but for the partner who has been betrayed. In this episode, we talk about safety and stabilization and boundaries and containment. We talk about what these things are and how to do them. This will help the partner take steps early that will encourage healthy recovery instead of simply going off of how you feel!

David & Sherie continue talking about the CSAT model of addiction recovery for the addict or offending partner, covering the last 4 tasks including: Task 5 — Rigorous honesty + therapeutic disclosure, task 6 — Restitution and relational repair, task 7 — Trauma/shame resolution + secure attachment, and task 8 — Maintenance and growth. Listen to learn more!

David & Sherie continue talking about the CSAT model of addiction recovery, covering the first 4 tasks including: Task 1 — Break through denial and stabilize, task 2 — Understand the addiction system, task 3 — Build a recovery program, and task 4 — Three Circles boundaries. Listen to learn more!

David & Sherie outline the CSAT (certified sexual addictions therapist) model of addiction recovery. This is a great episode for someone just starting the path of recovery to know more about Dr. Patrick Carne's model and why it's so effective. This includes a model that follows this order: Crisis → sobriety → integrity → intimacy → growth (skills + support + truth). Listen to learn more!

David & Sherie finish talking about the mood cure and why we need to pay attention to what we eat as an important part of feeling better and not neglect our brain and its needs. We talk about other supplements and why they matter and ask you to answer some questions to determine where you're at.

David & Sherie talk about how important a nourished brain is in feeling good and why a lack in important nutrients can have a big impact. Learn more with the book the mood cure by Julia Ross.

David & Sherie talk about some things that overlap therapy and ancient writings and lessons and why they matter today. You will learn about how you're not separate, fear is an illusion and Love is the Truth, your mind shapes reality (it’s not a camera, it’s a projector), your ego is the enemy and everything is connected. Here's the link to learn more: https://youtu.be/ADYdypHZb2A?si=OQC2Q63_NtFAaCkO

David & Sherie talk about how to manage triggers and temptations, whether it's a temper or anxiety or sexual craving or negative self-talk or anything else. Learn a simple technique that you can use in different situations to slow down and respond to situations instead of just reacting: NNAC - Notice, Name, Allow and Choose.

David & Sherie talk about direct hurt versus indirect hurt, what those are, and why they matter. In relationships, intention and motive matter a lot! We still need to address and change hurtful behavior, but we don't want to make hurtful behavior more hurtful by how we interpret it, making reconciliation even more difficult. Listen to learn more!

David & Sherie talk about what to do if you answered no to any of the questions we asked in our last episode (Can you apologize? Do you have empathy? Can you receive input and feedback?) Keep your honesty and listen to some of the things we can do when we're struggling to taking things personally.

David & Sherie discuss some things to ask yourself and be honest about how you're showing up in relationships to see if you engage in any less effective patterns of behavior. Be willing and honest enough to take a hard look at what you might be doing that is getting in the way of the relationship you want!

David & Sherie talk about men and women and what happens if core needs aren't met, usually out of fear, and what to do about that. It's important that individuals are okay with being wrong, and can work through things that are difficult!

David & Sherie take some time off for self-care and wish their listeners a happy holidays and hope they do the same!

David & Sherie continue talking about finding the best balance in a relationship, especially when coming from discovery of deception or betrayal, and how to accomplish that in healthy ways for both partners.

David & Sherie talk more about why a history of inequality or power imbalance can affect recovery now. How our ultimate goal is to find better balance so there's healthy reconciliation in the process. We explore why some women may feel so strongly about using what's happened to maintain control instead of seeking to really understand their partner struggling with addiction. Honesty is vital, as is knowing why what's happened has happened.

David and Sherie continue talking about betrayal trauma and the pendulum swing that can happen as we're doing our best to navigate the hurt that occurs with partner betrayal. We need to consider the reasons behind behavior and separate the person from the pattern, having grace for the reasons behind the behavior while also protecting ourself. Listen to learn more!

David and Sherie talk about betrayal trauma and the long-term effects, a request from a listener, and where this concept leads us. We talk about the effects but also consider the impact of how our beliefs and the tendency to swing to the other end of the pendulum when hurt can complicate things. The narrative we adopt really influences where healing and reconciliation goes. Listen to learn more about how we conceptualize this important issue, including being careful to respond well in order to really consider and heal the relationship.

David & Sherie now talk about 5 things that men need from their partners, or what tends to make men feel the most fulfilled in relationships. We talk about mens' needs including recreational companionship, sexual fulfillment, admiration, domestic support, and an attractive spouse. Listen as we go through each and break them down!

David & Sherie talk about 5 things that women need from their partners, or what tends to make women feel the most fulfilled in relationships. We talk about mens' needs in the next episode. These include things like affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support and family commitment.

David & Sherie talk about the challenge of having extreme beliefs about recovery and relationship frustrations, and how to avoid that. This includes misusing words like narcissism, abuse, boundaries, or safety. Using these words out of context to justify control or ever greater boundaries is not going to be helpful to either recovery, or relationships.

David & Sherie finish talking about addiction recovery and specifically how to be more focused doing recovery when struggling with ADHD or ADD, We then summarize so you have a simple, bigger picture perspective about how to do recovery if also struggling with ADHD. As a summary, these things are important: Incorporate treatment for both ADHD and addictionKeep recovery conversations shorter and more frequentUsing lists and visual aid or remindersClear structure with flexibilityGood medication managementAdapt mindfulness practices

David & Sherie continue talking about addiction recovery and specifically how to be more focused doing recovery when struggling with ADHD or ADD, What things will help, and what is different? Listen to learn more!

David & Sherie talk about addiction recovery and what is different and how to recover more effectively when struggling with ADHD or ADD, something we see a lot of in our offices. If you suspect you or your partner may struggle with this, these episodes will really be helpful!

Sherie does a body scan mindfulness meditation in this week's episode. Prepare to relax and listen to what she shares and we hope you enjoy it time and time again!

David & Sherie talk about FANOS, which is an acronym and a way for couples to check in daily and stay close and connected. It's especially helpful when overcoming addiction and creates accountability and honesty. It stands for Feelings, Affirmation, Needs, Ownership, and Sobriety or Spirituality. We go into detail on these and help you to know how to do it going forward.

David & Sherie talk about some very basic principles every couple should use, and can solve 95% of your relationship issues. From John Gottman, these skills include: 1. Express feelings using “I” statements2. Use a softened start up3. Stay Calm and Regulate Emotions4. Turn Towards and Make and Keep Bids for Connection5. Practice Repair Attempts6. Accept Influence

David & Sherie finish talking about desires and our role in changing desires to better match the life we want to live. We want to move from knowing a thing to wanting a thing to loving a thing, and we talk about the final steps to do this. Here are all the steps in the process and the bold ones are covered in this episode:Understand what virtue really isStrengthen Your Why & Define your PurposeGenuinely pursue loving virtue with energy, vigor, and effort!Create experiences of loving virtue in triggering situations through visualizingSee Others as Souls, Not ObjectsShift from Suppression or avoidance to Acceptance and SubstitutionExpect Struggles, But Keep GoingSpiritual Practices

David & Sherie continue talking about desires and our role in changing desires to better match the life we want to live. We want to move from knowing a thing to wanting a thing to loving a thing, and we talk about additional steps to do this. Here are the steps in the process and the bold ones are covered in this episode:Understand what virtue really isStrengthen Your Why & Define your PurposeGenuinely pursue loving virtue with energy, vigor, and effort!Create experiences of loving virtue in triggering situations through visualizingSee Others as Souls, Not ObjectsShift from Suppression or avoidance to Acceptance and SubstitutionExpect Struggles, But Keep GoingSpiritual Practices

David & Sherie continue talking about how our desires impact our sobriety and recovery and go into more detail about how this works and why it happens.

David & Sherie begin exploring the concept of desires and how our desires impact, possibly more than anything else, our recovery journey. Our motivation, or truest or deepest desires, significantly impact our behavior and why we might be "stuck" and continue to act our when we also don't want to have this addiction or these issues anymore.

David & Sherie continue talking about our intrusive, unwanted thoughts and start with a really helpful exposure therapy exercise or visualization. We then finish talking about additional steps you can take to manage those intrusive thoughts even more.Don't Believe Everything You Think, by Joseph Nguyen: https://a.co/d/0hISYNnOvercoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M. Winston PsyD, Martin N. Seif PhD: https://a.co/d/c7A6puk

David & Sherie continue talking about our intrusive, unwanted thoughts and talk about different methods of helping overcome these thoughts, focusing on exposure therapy and what that means.Don't Believe Everything You Think, by Joseph Nguyen: https://a.co/d/0hISYNnOvercoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M. Winston PsyD, Martin N. Seif PhD: https://a.co/d/c7A6puk

David & Sherie continue talking about our intrusive, unwanted thoughts and talk about the 3 kinds of intrusive thoughts, common thought myths, and more about what we do about them. We referenced two books in the first episode:Don't Believe Everything You Think, by Joseph Nguyen: https://a.co/d/0hISYNnOvercoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M. Winston PsyD, Martin N. Seif PhD: https://a.co/d/c7A6puk

David & Sherie begin talking about something everyone struggles with to some extent - what to do with our intrusive, unwanted thoughts! What they mean, why they're there, and what we can begin to do about them. This is the first episode in a series because there's so much good information. We reference two books in this episode:Don't Believe Everything You Think, by Joseph Nguyen: https://a.co/d/0hISYNnOvercoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Sally M. Winston PsyD, Martin N. Seif PhD: https://a.co/d/c7A6puk

David & Sherie finish talking about motivation and why it's at the heart of a change process. Continue listening to learn how to increase or improve or act better on you motivation. Listen as we review the last 6 of 9 steps:4. Create Routines & Systems5. Remove Barriers & Make It Easy6. Use Rewards & Accountability7. Track Your Progress8. Accept That Motivation Fluctuates9. Focus on Identity, Not Just Goals

David & Sherie talk about motivation and why it's at the heart of a change process. How does one increase or improve or act better on their motivation? Listen as we review the first 3 of 9 steps:1. Set Clear, Achievable Goals2. Connect to Your Why3. Start Small & Take Action

David & Sherie finish talking about internal family systems or IFS. This will help you to know if it's going to help in your own healing and growth process and whether or not more information will get you where you want to be. If so, we recommend the following books: No Bad Parts: https://a.co/d/9ezT5RVInternal Family Systems Workbook: https://a.co/d/buzWoerAre you interested in worthing with us directly? Please reach out! Work with David or learn more about him here: https://www.discoverinnovo.com/Work with Sherie or learn more about her here: https://lakewoodfamilytherapy.com/sherie-adams-christensen/

David & Sherie talk about internal family systems, started by Richard Schwartz. He attempted to help others work through their traumas and challenges and developed a way to do this that has since grown into an effective therapeutic method. Listen to this episode and see if it's interesting to you and might be something for you to look more into!Are you interested in worthing with us directly? Please reach out! Work with David or learn more about him here: https://www.discoverinnovo.com/Work with Sherie or learn more about her here: https://lakewoodfamilytherapy.com/sherie-adams-christensen/

David & Sherie finish talking about other conditions that are comorbid or run with addiction. We talk about ADHD and regulating impulse control and the effect that has on recovery, as well as autism, NPD, and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. Hopefully this helps you develop compassion for partners who struggle with these things.

David & Sherie talk about other things to be aware of when considering addiction recovery and how those things impact the process. Depression, for example, is important to recognize and understand when trying to work through recovery. Anxiety, ADHD, autism, and other mood and personality disorders are also considered. We also talk about dopamine and how the brain works when in addiction.

David & Sherie finish talking about steps to recovery for the betrayed partner and will finish up with the final 5 steps: know your values, learning, responding, not reacting, self-evaluation, and demonstrating empathy. Listen to learn more and make your recovery as good as it could be!

David & Sherie continue talking about the steps of recovery for the betrayed partner including forgiveness, understanding addiction, getting support, and committing to doing your own work.

David & Sherie talk about the updated steps to recovery for the betrayed partner, or the actual things they should be doing in a recovery process. There is a lot to do that helps, so use this as a roadmap for what to do when something happens or there is a recent discovery. And the more closely you follow these steps, the better! We cover taking time and space, having boundaries, and focusing on creating purpose from the pain in this episode.

David & Sherie continue talking about steps to recovery for the addict including understanding addiction yourself, working through past trauma, and holding boundaries in toxic relationships. All of these are vital to recovery!

David & Sherie cover the steps to recovery for the addict, with additions to our original episodes when we first started. Several additional steps like understanding addiction, processing past trauma and creating boundaries are now included.

David & Sherie finish talking about the letting go technique that will help with working through negative past experiences along with helping with stress and even triggers.

David & Sherie talk about a wondering technique for letting go of strong, negative emotions. It's a step-by-step guide that you can do on your own with a few minutes that will have a profound effect on how you feel. It comes from David Hawkins book Letting Go, which we highly recommend. Part one of two.

David & Sherie talk about why many relationships need a marriage contract, especially after infidelity and disclosure. We will talk about how to do it and what to cover so you can create your own.

David & Sherie talk about 3 simple (not necessarily easy!) things that every healthy and happy relationship need to have and do: be loving, communicate clearly, and hold boundaries until there's problem solving.

David & Sherie continue talking about what healthy couples do to have good relationships, and cover 5 things specifically that we can, including turning towards bids for connection, flipping your internal script, ritualize cherishing, learn to fight smarter, and making time together.