Doing Marriage Well

This episode explores how fear—fear of failure, fear of change, and fear of a spouse's anger—undermines healthy choices in marriage. It explains how avoidance and control keep problems from being addressed until they grow worse, and why third-party help or firm action may be necessary to break the pattern.

This episode explores why we often label a partner as "lazy" and shows how burnout, low motivation, or emotional detachment can be the real issues behind marital friction. Paul encourages honest self-reflection and calm conversations, and explains how identifying the root cause—rather than assigning blame—helps couples choose healthier responses and work toward change.

This episode examines how avoiding conflict by sacrificing core beliefs creates a false, temporary peace that ultimately harms marriages. It explains cognitive dissonance and gives real examples—changes in faith, parenting, politics, or sexual boundaries—people make to keep the relationship intact. Paul encourages listeners to stand firm, pray, and remain open to correction rather than giving up essential convictions for peace, because protecting your identity and truth is healthier for your marriage in the long run.

This episode explores how letting our spouse’s actions dictate our responses undermines marriage. Paul explains why blaming your partner and reacting emotionally stall harmony, and why choosing to do what’s right—even when you’re the only one—creates healthier patterns. Practical takeaways include doing your part without keeping score, having difficult conversations before burnout, and addressing issues calmly by focusing on what you need from your spouse rather than threatening to stop contributing. Twitter / Facebook

In this episode Paul explains why premarital coaching is essential for couples—especially blended families—and how getting help early prevents or prepares you for future problems. He recommends tailored multi-session coaching (not a one-size-fits-all book study), using tools like Prepare and Enrich, and stresses that good coaching must address sex and continue as a resource after marriage. With real-life examples, Paul shows how pre-premarital coaching turned into a healthy marriage for a previously divorced couple and urges listeners to encourage young couples to seek focused, face-to-face premarital support.

Paul urges couples not to suffer in silence and encourages seeking help for sexual problems. He highlights the Marriage Bed Forum and forums as safe, Christian places to read experiences and ask questions. He covers the pros and cons of getting help from friends, church leaders, and professionals, stressing the importance of trained Christian therapists and warning against harmful suggestions like porn or open relationships. The episode reminds listeners that sex is a vital part of marriage, many issues are fixable, and reaching out for support can restore intimacy and strengthen the marriage. The Marriage Bed forum    

This episode explains when it’s time to seek professional help for your marriage, how to find a trustworthy Christian counselor, and practical options including online therapy platforms. It covers cost and insurance realities, the value of referrals, blended-family expertise, setting clear goals for counseling, doing the work (homework), and staying open to personal change. Regain

This episode explores how pastors, vetted lay leaders, and marriage-focused small groups within your church can provide meaningful support for struggling marriages. It discusses pros and cons—training and privacy concerns—how church-backed help can be low-cost or free, and how group accountability and prayer can produce breakthroughs. TMB message boards

This episode explains how friends can be a couple’s greatest asset or biggest liability: choose one spiritually mature, discreet friend with a strong marriage who will challenge you and protect confidentiality. It also encourages couples with healthy relationships to help others, offers the idea of couple-level support, and reminds listeners to recognise limits and refer to professionals when needed.

Paul explains why a neutral third party is one of the best allies a marriage can have and why meeting as a couple is often wiser than seeking one-sided help. He outlines how to choose help, set expectations and boundaries, involve faith, and bring a reluctant spouse into the process.

This episode addresses the critical issue of sexual frequency in marriage and how prolonged dissatisfaction can damage relationships. It explains why a lack of intimacy often leads partners to feel unloved, drift apart, or even pursue divorce or infidelity, and emphasises that insufficient sex is an emergency that requires immediate attention. Paul urges couples to seek help, communicate openly, and take responsibility for improving their intimacy to protect their marriage from becoming roommate-like or ending entirely.

This episode explores the quiet compromises couples make in their sex lives—when partners go along with acts they don’t enjoy and how differences in preference and changing desires complicate intimacy. Using examples like breast play and oral sex, the host explains why honest, kind communication matters; suggests how to open conversations (starting with “it’s me"); and emphasises that dislikes can be valid even without full explanation. Practical alternatives and compromises are offered—timing, position changes, finishing differently, or trading acts—along with the reminder that sexual life evolves and that flexibility, gratitude, and clear requests help partners do sex well together.

Paul explains how to address annoying habits in marriage by distinguishing two common situations: staying silent or repeatedly raising the issue. He stresses choosing a good time, being kind, admitting your own part, and framing requests as “I need your help.” Practical suggestions include setting phone-free times, using headphones, offering help with tasks, creating a light signal to break habits, and praising small improvements to encourage lasting change.

Paul urges couples to stop tolerating behaviors that steadily damage their relationship — from selective listening and messiness to constant "fubbing" and lateness — and gives permission to address these issues rather than suffer in silence. He focuses on lateness with a personal anecdote about differing expectations and their effect on marriage, and previews practical advice on how to bring up these problems in the next episode.

Paul explains why staying silent about repeated annoyances in marriage only makes them worse: small issues accumulate into resentment and sudden outbursts, and blowing up rarely solves the problem. He outlines common reasons couples don't speak up, asks you to reflect on habits you may be tolerating, and previews that practical ways to address these issues calmly will be discussed later in the week.

This episode explores why asking for what you need in a marriage can feel risky—fear of dismissal, passive-aggression, repeated requests, or the sense that your needs aren’t valued. Paul outlines practical steps: name the need clearly (try, "I need action to feel emotion"), follow up when confused, avoid accusatory language, thank attempts, and consider third-party help for persistent issues. Small changes can gradually dismantle the walls between partners.

Paul explains that while sex is an important need in marriage, people often use it to fill other unmet needs—love, touch, intimacy, stress relief—which leaves them feeling empty and can harm the relationship. He offers a simple guideline and encourages couples to recognise when sex is being used for non-sexual needs, communicate honestly, and focus on making sex about sex to restore satisfaction and connection.

In this episode Paul explores why you can feel empty in marriage even when your spouse seems to be giving—because you may be asking for the wrong thing (for example, love versus respect), using your partner to numb past hurts, or trying to make up for what you lacked growing up. Misunderstood requests and unmet inner needs often cause ongoing frustration. Paul urges prayerful self-examination, clear communication about what you truly need, healing past wounds so you can receive your spouse’s love, and seeking third-party help when needed.

This episode explains why people often can’t admit what they truly need from their spouse: social expectations, fear of appearing weak, and old patterns from being denied as children. It describes how asking for the right things matters for feeling loved and how silence or seeking the wrong things keeps you empty. The host encourages recognising those patterns, having honest conversations with your partner, and—if a need is unrealistic—finding healthy alternatives so both spouses can move toward connection and fullness.

Doing Marriage Well — April 21, 2026: Paul explores the power of vulnerable requests and the importance of asking for emotional needs in marriage. Using simple examples (Tilly and Whisky asking for attention and Lori saying, “I will need extra hugs today”), he shows how clear requests build trust, lists common reasons people avoid asking, and encourages couples to speak honestly about what they need.

Paul explains that while faith in Jesus is essential, marriage also requires meeting one another’s human needs. God created us for relationship, and a spouse must intentionally look for and fulfil legitimate needs through sacrifice and care. Listen and reflect on what you need from your partner and how you can better meet their needs—doing marriage well means combining faith with practical love.

This episode explores how sex drive is more than a physical urge and why responsive desire—wanting sex and choosing to act— is normal, especially for many women. It explains how emotions and relationship connection shape desire and offers simple ways to initiate intimacy without waiting to feel horny. We also discuss changes in men's bodies and erections, why an erection isn't the sole sign of desire, and practical alternatives (manual stimulation, oral sex, vibrators, pumps) that keep a couple's sex life satisfying across different seasons of life. A pump  A strong vibrator   

This episode explains why sex can become painful after menopause—falling estrogen thins and dries intimate tissues—and how topical estrogen (creams, rings, or tablets) restores tissue thickness, improves lubrication, lowers vaginal pH, and can reduce infections. Your doctor will advise which option is best for you. When medication isn’t enough, careful stretching (using a lubricated finger or partner insertion held still) can restore vaginal elasticity; partners should proceed gently and communicate. The episode also describes a safe non-penetrative technique (“pseudocourse”) that provides clitoral stimulation and orgasm while avoiding painful intercourse, plus tips to control stimulation and preserve trust and comfort.

This episode explains why a couple's thinking is the key to a great sex life—be intentional about having sex, dealing with problems, and adapting as bodies and schedules change. Practical advice includes committing to regular intimacy, communicating and engaging fully during sex, trying new approaches as needed, and planning for physical changes so intimacy remains satisfying through the years.

Paul outlines two simple diagnostic questions—do erections soften during sex, and do you wake with firm morning erections—to distinguish venous leak, physical, or psychological causes of ED. He explains practical solutions: a snug, easy-to-remove penis ring for venous leak, ED medications like Cialis or generics, and the importance of medical evaluation for cardiovascular risk factors. Married Dance has a number of rings. This set is a good starting place. Check Amazon Pharmacy

This episode of Doing Marriage Well explores sex after 50 and how couples can keep their sexual lives satisfying as they age. Paul highlights common issues, the widespread lack of accurate sexual-health knowledge, and the importance of learning about your own and your partner’s bodies. He discusses where people look for help—doctors and the internet; notes the variability in expertise and information quality; and encourages seeking specialists or referrals when needed so health challenges don’t end sexual intimacy.

Paul explains why inviting your spouse into your spiritual life matters and how your walk with Jesus should shape your marriage. He suggests talking about your spiritual upbringing, conversion, current prayer life, Bible reading, and theological views with grace—seeking understanding rather than debate. If one spouse is not saved, Paul encourages gentle witness and shared practices like prayer, devotions, and Bible study to grow together and put God first in your marriage.

Paul discusses why sexual transparency between spouses matters and how sharing your sexual history can build empathy, explain triggers, and lead to greater intimacy. He urges honest but compassionate conversations—acknowledging both light memories and painful experiences—while prioritising safety, patience, and mutual support for healing and a stronger marriage.

This episode challenges couples to remove emotional armor and practice "emotional nudity" by opening deep feelings to one another with safety, patience, and mutual grace. Paul offers practical guidance: go slowly if trust is low, accept emotions without taking responsibility for them, respond with compassion rather than defensiveness, and work toward honest conversations that heal and strengthen your marriage.

In this episode Paul invites couples to move from past-focused conversations to sharing the thoughts they carry in the present — dreams (big and small), fears, frustrations, evolving beliefs, and reactions to current events — so spouses can better know each other and strengthen their marriage. He recommends a practical habit: a daily 10-minute "mental update" to share what's on your mind, with longer conversations when needed, as a simple way to deepen intimacy and understanding.

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (April 7, 2026), Paul explains why sharing your past matters for a healthy marriage and how revealing your history helps your spouse understand and give grace. He offers practical steps—start with joyful memories, gradually share harder experiences, and try a "history date night" where each person shares three happy rooms and one difficult room—to foster healing, unity, and stronger intimacy.

This episode explores the idea of a "no-closed-doors" marriage, encouraging couples to gradually open the hidden or locked emotional rooms they keep from one another. It emphasises that transparency can bring healing and deeper intimacy but warns it's not suitable for struggling marriages or any situation involving abuse. Listeners are advised to move slowly, give each other grace, and celebrate steady progress as they work toward greater openness. Unrelated Resource: If you are in a blended family, I recommend the Family Life Blended & Blessed livestream event happening April 18. It's completely free. 

Paul explores how early messages about sex shape our sexual self-image and create guilt, shame, and barriers in marriage. He explains that much of this baggage comes from parents and childhood experiences, and that both men and women are affected. Drawing on what God says about sexuality, Paul encourages couples to talk openly, identify the roots of their negative beliefs, and support each other in moving toward a positive, intimate, and sacred sexual relationship. Related Resource: Sexual Brokenness and Healing | Dan Allender & Jay Stringer

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (April 2, 2026), Paul examines how learned communication patterns—yelling, sarcasm, silent treatment, threats, and other hurtful tactics—turn arguments into battles that damage marriages. He explains why trying to "win" an argument leaves both partners and the relationship worse off. Paul offers a better approach: speak honestly but non‑confrontationally, listen for understanding, ask clarifying questions, and work toward solutions that let both partners feel heard and respected. Related resources are available in the show notes. Related Article: From Toxic Arguments to Constructive Disputes: Ending Dirty Fighting | Ananias Foundation

Discover how the way you see yourself affects your marriage and learn practical steps to reshape your self-image. This episode explores the childhood and social influences that form our self-perception, how those patterns show up in relationships, and specific actions—writing your self-view, seeking trusted feedback, and turning to faith—to help you become the person you want to be. Paul offers guidance on receiving compliments, managing pushback when you change, and strengthening your marriage by intentionally growing your self-image. Related Article: Family of Origin: Patterns and Particularities | The Allender Center

This episode explores how childhood wounds can create excessive self-sufficiency that harms marriage, making it hard to trust and connect with a spouse. Paul and Lori share a personal turning point that forced them to confront independence, begin healing, and learn to rely on each other, with practical encouragement for listeners to let their partners in. Related Article: How Your Childhood Can Affect Your Marriage | Gottman

Paul challenges couples to stop blaming their childhood or parents for current marriage problems and instead take ownership of their actions, seek healing, and do the work required to change. He urges anyone stuck in the past to get help, noting resources like the Allender Center, and reminds listeners that while understanding roots matters, responsibility for change rests with each individual. Related Resource: Addressing Our Trauma Stories Within Marriage | The Allender Center

Paul explores how sexual compromise leaves many marriages unsatisfied, with women feeling obligated and men shaped by unhealthy expectations, and explains why most couples struggle to find mutual joy. He lays out a biblical way forward — humility, mutual desire, forgiveness, openness, and honouring one another — showing how agreeing with God about sex can restore pleasure and connection in marriage.

In this episode Paul examines the "yes trap"—when a spouse consistently gives in out of fear of rejection rather than love—and how people-pleasing quietly erodes a marriage. He offers practical steps for partners: open, gentle communication, give choices to make expressing preferences safer, watch for times your spouse is being taken advantage of, and patiently help them build boundaries so the relationship becomes healthier and more mutual.

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (March 25, 2026), Paul explores how past emotional wounds quietly shape conflicts in marriage—affecting desires, avoidance, and personality tensions like introversion and extroversion. He encourages honest conversations with your spouse about why you feel the way you do and the promise to work toward healing together. Paul explains that admitting the influence of past pain isn’t selfish, and that pursuing healing—sometimes with a trained third party or story work—can make compromise easier and the marriage stronger.

When spouses want different things, compromise often leaves both unhappy. This episode explains a “third alternative” that finds solutions satisfying everyone’s needs, and explores accommodation and flexibility as healthier ways to resolve conflicts. Practical examples and encouragement on listening, emotional maturity, and creative options show how couples can preserve connection instead of keeping score.

This episode challenges the idea that compromise must leave both partners equally dissatisfied and explores why that approach can be unfair or manipulative. Paul offers a critique of standard compromise and introduces healthier ways for couples to handle conflicting needs without forcing equal unhappiness.

This episode explores how couples can navigate sexual needs, perceived selfishness, and misunderstandings to strengthen emotional connection. Paul highlights that wanting or not wanting sex (or specific acts) are valid needs, explains how past trauma or lack of emotional contact can create barriers, and warns against harmful stereotypes that misread motives. Practical takeaways: honest communication, empathy, and professional help when needed are essential steps toward accepting each other’s needs and doing marriage well.

This episode of Doing Marriage Well examines how childhood experiences—neglect, overindulgence, or messages about deserving—shape our ability to ask spouses for emotional and practical needs. Paul explains how differing perspectives on needs can create conflict, offers steps to identify and communicate your patterns, and encourages honest conversations or professional help to build healthier vulnerability and connection.

This episode explores how setting healthy boundaries in marriage can be mistaken for selfishness, using real examples of spouses with conflicting emotional and physical needs. It explains why emotional exhaustion deserves the same respect as physical needs and how fear of being labelled selfish can distort giving and receiving in a relationship. The hosts offer a balanced Christian perspective that affirms self-care, healthy limits, and seeking trusted help to find clarity. Paul reminds listeners that doing marriage well looks different for every couple and encourages finding a sustainable, loving equilibrium.

This episode explores how everyday differences—like morning routines, music, or weekend plans—can escalate when spouses misjudge each other’s needs. Paul emphasises honest, vulnerable conversations: explain what you need, why it matters, rank needs when possible, and revisit the discussion as life changes to keep your marriage healthy.

This episode explores how to balance caring for your spouse with caring for yourself, using stories from Jesus, a recent ER visit, and personal caregiving experience. It asks where limits lie, how to recognise them, and emphasises that self-care is essential to doing marriage well.

This episode explores how frequent complaining to your spouse — about politics, work, or small frustrations — can damage your relationship when it becomes constant rather than occasional venting. The host shares a personal confession about learned habits, the vicious cycle of seeking responses, and how hearing a partner’s feedback revealed the problem. He describes practical changes he’s making: complaining less to his wife and working to change his inner dialogue. If your spouse has told you you complain too much, take it seriously.

On Doing Marriage Well (March 13, 2026), Paul explores common ways partners unintentionally push each other away in the bedroom — from word choices and sexual jokes to unexpected or unwanted touch and awkward post-sex comments. He encourages noticing these habits, talking about them when it feels safe, and adjusting behaviour to protect intimacy, and notes that sexual care looks different for every couple.

Nagging isn’t just irritating — it’s often a warning sign that something deeper is wrong in the marriage. Persistent, repetitive urgings can come from frustration, habit, or past wounds and usually make change less likely. If you catch yourself nagging, admit it, choose one issue to address, explain why it matters to you, and say what you need. If you’re being nagged, treat it as a cry for help: listen, respond respectfully, and follow through on agreed actions. If simple fixes don’t work, explore the deeper hurt behind the behaviour and consider couple’s help. Nagging can be the death of a marriage by a thousand cuts — don’t ignore it.