The Calm Confidence Podcast: Social Anxiety and Being Yourself

When my social anxiety was at it's worst, people would try to convince me that it was all in my head; that no one was thinking about me as much as I thought they were. And for a while I thought this would help. I tried to convince myself that no one was looking, staring or judging. But this never made me feel any better because I was always worried about the "what ifs." "But what if they are looking at me, then what do I do?" The reality is we cannot overcome a fear by convincing ourselves the thing we are afraid of is impossible, because it never is. When we are thinking like this, we are still thinking from a state of fear. We want to eventually get to a point where we accept that judgment is possible, but we can be ok with that.Other relevant episodes: How To Actually Not Care What People Think: https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/pq9mOJLL35bHow To Actually Be Yourself: https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/dJu0THLL35bInterested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

In today’s episode we explore how our mind convinces us that avoidance is a good thing. When we are really anxious we start to truly believe that social interactions are inherently dangerous, weird or awkward. The truth is they just FEEL that way. We need to teach our brain that we can handle more than we think, and it’s time we stop justifying our fears.Interested in working with me?https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSocial Anxiety Course (50% Off with the Code: August):https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseSocial Anxiety Mini Workbook (FREE):https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/digital_downloads/minibook

"Just Be Yourself." The worst advice known to man for social anxiety. Despite knowing how unhelpful this is, we can often find ourselves trying to be more "ourself." However, this desire often leads to more obsessiveness, rumination and perfectionism. It is performance rather than being. Instead we need to lower our standards. We need to understand what we can and cannot do at this given time with our anxiety, and give ourselves flexible expectations so we can see progress. Your "true" self may emerge once you stop fixating on it, or maybe it won't. But maybe it doesn't matter. Other relevant episodes: How To Actually Be Yourself: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7qxdc1vSia5PXnvrnlTasQ?si=2ADoYuFOQXWlCq3--jBzwAHow To Like Yourself: https://open.spotify.com/episode/67AfJBOLvae9n6hENlbiDx?si=GWeNKg5oSuKbcVZwlpR1MQAre You Faking It? https://open.spotify.com/episode/6QgK3oPAOXg8RFWvggrUxB?si=qE-Yv5wxToSYygftIJTfKgInterested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

In today's episode I talk about overcoming the fear of public speaking with Mona, who also goes by Babystepstothemic on TikTok and Instagram. Mona has amassed over 170K followers on Instagram and over 60K on TikTok over the past 6 months, by sharing videos of her journey to overcoming her fear of public speaking.In this episode we explore what sparked this journey and what she has learned along the way about her self and overcoming her fear.She has also developed a 14 day "Off The Cuff Challenge" for anyone interested in challenging themselves to face their fears. She has created a website that creates a random topic automatically so you can build your skills to speaking off the cuff about anything!Interested in joining the challenge? Sign up here:https://www.offthecuffspeech.com/#try-itYou can also follow Mona on instagram and Tiktok:Insta: https://www.instagram.com/babystepstothemic?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@babystepstothemic?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

What if rejection isn't actually rejection? In this episode, we break down why it feels like getting rejected is often just incompatibility that we've learned to take personally. When you wear a mask to avoid disapproval, you're not protecting yourself, you're just working harder to be liked by people who were never going to be your people anyway. We talk about why being authentic feels so risky, what actually happens when someone doesn't like the real you, and why fitting in is never the solution. If you've every shrunk or edited yourself to avoid being rejected, this episode is for you.Related episodes:Why You Can't Make Friends: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5xfQVrwWpaydjdDJXSD6qf?si=qKBWqPqrT8O-BW6ypW82XwHow To Like Yourself:https://open.spotify.com/episode/67AfJBOLvae9n6hENlbiDx?si=GWeNKg5oSuKbcVZwlpR1MQHow To Actually Be Yourself:https://open.spotify.com/episode/7qxdc1vSia5PXnvrnlTasQ?si=hGW6EOsXTRWXbVzivazvawInterested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

One of our biggest fears with social anxiety is that people will find out we have boring lives. We don't go out, don't have many friends and don't do much outside of the house and we worry people will judge us for this. Some might, but we have to accept them. Trying to hide this very really problem only makes us more insecure and self-conscious. Instead, we will learn to shift focu onto others. Get curious about them. Allow our brains to give us things to say, instead of trying to "find it." It's equally important we start building a life of our own so we can have more at our disposal, as well as give us a more fulfilling life. Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseWant To Work With Me? Check out my services here: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

When we are struggling with social anxiety or confidence we try to project a persona of "cool" on "nonchalant" to the world. The problem is that the very act of doing this indicates we do not feel confident in the first place. Ultimately, no amount of acting cool will actually help us feel more confident or make more connections because this act turns us away from ourselves. We are no longer interested in who we are, but instead who we feel we need to be for others. The other truth is, even if we can pull this off, eventually others will see we are putting on an act. Instead lets figure out what this mask is trying to hide. What are we afraid of expressing? What are we afraid other's may judge? Can we accept these "flaws" about us? Can we show them to the world. That is what it actually means to be cool. Email your episode ideas to: [email protected] in working with me?Therapy (NJ/NY Only): https://calmconfidencetherapy.com/Coaching (Anywhere): https://calmconfidencetherapy.com/coachingInterested in the Full Length Social Anxiety Course? (33% Off for Students):https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

College is one of the most socially demanding environments you will ever be in; new people, new situations, and almost no time to ease into any of it. In this episode I talk about what it actually looks like to navigate college with social anxiety. What habits to looks out for, breaking social convention and taking as many opportunities as you possibly can.Interested in going deeper into understanding social anxiety and how to start taking your life back? Check out my full 3 hour length social anxiety course here: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

We talk a lot about the fear of being judged. But there's a side of social anxiety that nobody really talks about; the fact that when we're anxious, we often become the most critical person in the room. We judge others for their demeanor, their interests and where we think they stand in our self created hierarchy. We become, without realizing it, exactly the kind of judgmental observer we're so afraid of. In this episode I unpack why this happens and how we can start to become more accepting of ourselves by being more accepting of others first.Course (33% Off with the Code: Student):https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

You want to talk to more people, but you're afraid to initiate. This often begins with our expectations. We tend to believe there are certain social "rules" we must follow before approaching, which make taking action twice as hard as it needs to be. In this episode I challenge long held beliefs, accepting possible outcomes, and speaking freely about what is on your mind. Free Mini Workbook: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/digital_downloads/minibookFull Workbook (Use code Mini for 40% Off): https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/digital_downloads/workbookOther Relevant Episodes:The Practical Way To End Self Consciousness: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6oR1qUWbvrfGICWjrcGPHH?si=3SKZ1cbNR2aJr5vZz3AJZg

Sometimes making progress with your social anxiety can be painful. We are reminded of all the time and opportunities we lost for not making progress earlier. This can stop us in our tracks and hinder progress moving forward. In this episode I cover how to deal with this very common yet painful process.🚨 Presale for Social Anxiety Course Open Now — Course Unlocks Monday. Get 25% off before launch using code: calmconfidenceCode valid until Friday, 5/15https://calm-confidence-https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

We’ve officially hit 1000 subscribers! What a journey it’s been, thank you for all your support, you motivate me every day to keep this going.Also, quick update, there was an error with the coupon course. Some of you mentioned it wasn’t working. I figured out the issue and it should be working now, here is the course link: https://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-course

There is a not so hidden driver of social anxiety, and that is our insecurities. Whether it is the way we look, the way we talk, our current place in life, our physical symptoms... we all have insecurities. For some of us however, they consume our life. We are so afraid of of others judgment that we may hide or modify who we are to feel "secure." The problem is it never works... The more we hide the more afraid we feel. In the episode , I will explore the counter-intuitive approach to overcoming your insecurities. 🚨 Presale for Social Anxiety Course Open Now — Course Unlocks Monday. Get 25% off before launch using code: calmconfidencehttps://calm-confidence-5785.thinkific.com/products/courses/social-anxiety-courseOther Relevant Episodes: The Core Fear Of Social Anxiety: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6xgFxmAYwM0CHbWAn4Q8hU?si=WgaKLpHzQHWsle7c05T8aAThe Practical Way To End Self Consciousness:https://open.spotify.com/episode/6oR1qUWbvrfGICWjrcGPHH?si=3SKZ1cbNR2aJr5vZz3AJZgHow To Like Yourself:https://open.spotify.com/episode/67AfJBOLvae9n6hENlbiDx?si=GWeNKg5oSuKbcVZwlpR1MQ

Do you ever find yourself up all night worrying about a party, date or presentation the next day (or week or month). This is a very common symptoms of social anxiety. In this episode I explore what anticipatory anxiety is, what we tend to do to try to solve it (which often makes it worse) and what we can do instead to finally put an end to this vicious cycle.Disclaimer: This episode and podcast should NOT be considered therapy and is NOT a substitute for therapy. Listening to me does not constitute a therapeutic relationship.Join The Newsletter: ⁠https://subscribepage.io/pknKh0⁠Schedule a FREE Consultation: https://charles-perry4090.clientsecure.me/Other Episode Mentioned: How To Stop Replaying Social Interactionshttps://open.spotify.com/episode/73sQBMvUxNdnycDNG1Ntzv?si=mrfy3hx5TDSv8PCYWPdnFQ

When we have social anxiety it feels like we are doing exposure therapy every day and yet nothing gets better. Still people tell us, "you have to face your fears." But no matter how hard or often you try you still feel anxious. In this episode I explain what exposure therapy is, why it may not be working and how to actually do it so you can truly start to face and overcome your fears. Disclaimer: This episode and podcast should NOT be considered therapy and is NOT a substitute for therapy. Listening to me does not constitute a therapeutic relationship.Join The Newsletter: https://subscribepage.io/pknKh0Schedule a FREE Consultation: https://charles-perry4090.clientsecure.me/Other Relevant Episodes:On Safety Behaviors and Post Processing:"Why Your Social Anxiety Isn’t Getting Better"⁠https://open.spotify.com/episode/7yWXFBjkLAgkZC0b884f5d?si=VyeeRFcoSN-C_PhDxyxEjg⁠On Post Event Processing:How To Stop Replaying Social Situationshttps://open.spotify.com/episode/73sQBMvUxNdnycDNG1Ntzv?si=mrfy3hx5TDSv8PCYWPdnFQOn How To Be More Present In Social Situations: "How To Talk To Strangers"https://open.spotify.com/episode/2y9teRfNBokf9Wnof40Txa?si=Jxqywsd4QE2thk2mRIPCKA"How To End Self Consciousness"https://open.spotify.com/episode/310HMvM2D58SF5G1e4lEpn?si=EOIKWgXoSPWNIR9p196HgA

When you have social anxiety people give you really bad advice, like "Just be Yourself." It sounds good in theory, but what does it actually mean? No one explains it. Also, sometimes we don't even know who we are, so how can we "bo ourselves" if we can't identify with who we are and what we like. In this episode I explain what this actually means and give a practical guide to how to truly be yourself and how to figure out who you are.In this episode I also mention a prior episode where explore a similar topic called "How To Like Yourself." Here is the link to that episode: https://open.spotify.com/episode/67AfJBOLvae9n6hENlbiDx?si=GWeNKg5oSuKbcVZwlpR1MQAre you struggling with your social anxiety and looking to make a change? I am currently taking new clients (must live in NY or NJ). Click here to book your FREE 15 minute consultation: https://charles-perry4090.clientsecure.me/You can also check out my website here: https://calmconfidencetherapy.com/

Making friends can be very hard, especially when you get older, and especially when you have social anxiety. In this episode I explore my own experience and struggles making friends and what change made the difference for me. Services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Are you introverted, shy or do you have social anxiety disorder? Thes are three terms that often get confused for one another but are actually very different things. I break it down completely in this episode.DISCLAIMER: THIS EPISODE IS MEANT FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. PLEASE DO NOT USE THE INFORMATION IN THIS VIDEO TO SELF DIAGNOSE. DIAGNOSIS ALWAYS REQUIRES A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL. IF YOU FEEL YOU ARE IN NEED OF HELP, PLEASE FIND A THERAPIST AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.Sources:American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). American Psychiatric Association Publishing.

I apologize for the background noise. It was beautiful out today so I recorded outside on my phone. I spent years trying to figure out how to not care what others think. I read books, argued with myself endlessly, tried to justify, rationalize and reason my way out of my fear… but nothing worked. I remained trapped in my own mental prison. In this video I explain how not caring what others think is not an active process. It’s not something you can “do.” Instead we flip it on its head. We detach from everything we think is necessary. All the fixing, fitting in, changing yourself does nothing but create more self doubt and social anxiety. We need only to “be.” Exist. Let life come to us. Our emotions, thoughts, fears. Embrace them and you will find freedom.Link to podcast and services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=3ccd9358-ea8c-4a98-ba80-1bf8ddcc5aaf

There's one thing we all do that is making our social lives worse... our phone. It has become so easy to lean on our phone as a crutch when we feel uncomfortable in public. We avoid basic human interaction and pretend we are doing something more interesting or important. Admitting this is a crutch is the first step. Let's see if we can let ourselves sit in an uncomfortable social situation without relying on our phone for help. Let it feel awkward. Let it feel weird. Ironically this may actually make you more likely to want to speak up and say something. Services and Website: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceBook a Free Consult with me: https://charles-perry4090.clientsecure.me/Sources: Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10–23. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.04.006

When we are socially anxious we become hyper aware of other people's feelings, and we make it our mission to ensure no one is ever upset with us. Reality check: You will upset people no matter how hard you try not to! I'm not saying we should intentionally try to hurt others but we must accept that we are flawed. We will make mistakes and hurt people. If we become too concerned with other's feelings we will always be anxious. In this episode I discuss how to become more self compassionate so you can allow yourself to make more mistakes so you are no longer controlled by your fear of not being perfect.Services and Website: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

The smallest interactions can consume us with anxiety. I know firsthand how a simple "hello" can turn the nervous system into hyperdrive. We assume the worst of people and the worst of ourselves. The truth is, most people want to talk to you. Most people will be pleasant, and the ones who aren't, aren't for us. In this episode I discuss how you can take a gradual approach to overcoming your fear of approach, and eventually how to turn absolute strangers in to conversation buddies.

Self Improvement has become as divided as American Politics. On one end we have people who believe we should accept ourselves no matter what. On the other end, we have people who believe you should essentially verbally abuse yourself into discipline. Neither of these strategies are actually effective. In this video I discuss how you can actually talk to yourself so you can build a healthy inner dialogue that will build confidence and keep you motivated, without hating yourself or thinking you're the best thing since sliced bread. FREE Confidence Manual: https://www.calm-confidence-coaching.com/s/The-Calm-Confidence-Manual-Google-Docs.pdfInterested in joining the virtual speaking lab? https://www.calm-confidence-coaching.com/#speaking-labPodcast, socials and services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Your social anxiety does not want to get better. It likes to feel safe and comfortable. Who can blame it, it's hard to challenge yourself when you are so overcome by fear. What we don't realize is that our anxiety can be very sneaky. It will subconsciously invent reasons why you shouldn't go out and talk to to people today. "It's too cold," "my car isn't working..." anything to stay inisde and away from people. The first step here is to acknowledge what is going on so we can stop sabotaging ourselves. Interested in joining the virtual speaking lab? https://www.calm-confidence-coaching.com/#speaking-labPodcast, socials and services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Sometimes the things we think are protecting us are acting the things that are hurting us, and that is the case for social anxiety. Beliefs like "but if i do that, it will be awkward," or "if I say that then they won't like me," feel like they are protecting us from shame and humiliation, when in reality they are keeping us stuck in our anxiety. Ultimately if we want to be free of social anxiety we need to embrace these painful emotions, not run from them. Interested in joining the virtual speaking lab? https://www.calm-confidence-coaching.com/#speaking-labPodcast, socials and services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

The world doesn't appreciate quiet people. When introverts are young, they are more than happy being alone. But then the people start telling them that this is not acceptable. "Why are you so quiet?" "Why don't you talk?" "Don't you have anything to say?" After a while we start to internalize this. Is there something wrong with me? Am I weird for wanting to be alone. We start to become self conscious and doubt our own experience. We try to change to fit the world but it doesn't work. Now we feel pressure to be something we're not and we can't deliver. What if we went back to our roots? What if it was ok to be quiet? Maybe there isn't any pressure after all. Podcast, socials and services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

In this episode I discuss social anxiety with Dr. Vincent Barbieri. Dr. Barbieri and I graduated from the same high school, but barely knew each other because we were both secretly struggling with social anxiety. In this episode we explore or individual experiences and what we've learned through life and through our work as practitioners. Dr. Vincent Barbieri believes that social anxiety never truly goes away, but we don't have to let it run our life anymore. By adjusting our expectations, challenging distorted beliefs and fulling embracing awkwardness, anxiety and vulnerability, we can find peace with ourselves and others.Dr. Barbieri has a PhD in Clinical Psychology from American University. He’s been practicing for 8 years in individual and couples therapy. During his PhD he studied borderline personality disorder and worked as a DBT therapist both doing individual and group therapy. He currently lives in San Diego where he works full time as a therapist at his own practice. He also a podcast called 2 Dudes Talkin’ Therapy with my colleague Dr. Jacob Ambrose. Dr. Barbieri's socials: YouTube: https://youtube.com/@talkintherapy?si=MygnVSu01Sp8TQsoSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1sg57gFa1I34sO5FoXeZoU?si=bd6648440a694d6bTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@psychdocphd4Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_vincent_barbieri_phd/?hl=enWebsite: https://www.vincentbarbieriphd.com/

"Fake it till you make it," they say, but does it actually work? Can you actually fake your confidence long enough that you will eventually feel it? Yes and no. Putting on a performance that doesn't feel genuine probably won't get you far. Sure you may be able to start getting used to the anxiety, but it's not you. If you have to pretend every interaction, what's the point? For many people, this strategy doesn't help acclimate them to the anxiety anyway. So what's the solution? First we have to figure out who we are? Who would we be if we were not anxious? How would we act, what would we say?If we can establish a sense of self that feels genuine, but perhaps we are just not comfortable sharing yet, now we have our north star. We can "act" the way that feels like us. The reality is, everything feels like an act when you are anxious because it feels uncomfortable. But we have to recognize that just because we feel uncomfortable does not mean we are being fake, it simply means we have social anxiety.Interested in checking out the podcast or joining my newsletter? Check out my linktree: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Replaying social interaction and conversations is at the core of social anxiety. For many of us, the social situation itself is not the worst part of social anxiety, it's the agonizing pain of ruminating, criticizing and critiquing every aspect of what just happen. In this episode I explain the practical way to reverse your rumination so you can move on and live your life. Through a combination of mindfulness and useful and compassionate self talk, you can finally put your obsessive thoughts to rest.Interested in working with me?: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Donohue, H. E., Modini, M., & Abbott, M. J. (2024). Psychological interventions for pre-event and post-event rumination in social anxiety: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 102, 102823. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2023.102823Seinsche, R. J., et al. (2022). Social phobic beliefs mediate the relationship between post-event processing and social anxiety. Journal Name, Volume(Issue), page range. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8818836/Vassilopoulos, S. P., Brouzos, A., & Moberly, N. J. (2015). The relationships between metacognition, anticipatory processing, and social anxiety. Behaviour Change, 32(2), 114–126. https://doi.org/10.1017/bec.2015.4

Social anxiety makes everything harder, especially dating. When we are attracted to someone our anxious skyrockets and we become stumbling, bumbling fools. Fear of rejection and humiliation throw more wood on the fire, culminating in what feels like an impossible task to take on. In this video I will break down how you can and should approach dating if you have social anxiety. I'll cover the 3 main phases; finding a date, the date itself, and the worries that come after a date. Interested in checking out the podcast or joining my newsletter? Check out my linktree: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Sorry it’s been a busy week and I haven’t had a chance to record a full episode. This is a short video I made a YouTube a few weeks ago that I forgot to download to the pod. Enjoy!Social anxiety can feel like a never ending loop that is impossible to escape. The shame we feel traps us. If we don’t act, we feel like cowards. If we do act, but it doesn’t go well, we feel embarrassed, which reconfirms our fears that we are unworthy. In this video I explore how you can finally start taking steps to a brighter future. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

When we are socially anxious for long enough, we start to become very cynical towards the world. We start to believe people are cruel and kindess is pointless. The more we withdraw, the more we believe people have nothing good to offer and we convince ourselves that we're better off being isolating and alone. But now we have become the very negativity that we say we hate. When we start to open back up to the world and share our kindness, we usually get it back in return. We start to realize there are decent people in the world and we start to look forward to meeting people again. Acts of kindness also help us get out of our head and back to connecting with our fellow human beings. So the next time you are feeling anxious, go out and do something kind for something. It's good for you and it's good for the world.Podcast/Newsletter/Services: https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Alden, L. E., & Trew, J. L. (2013). Engaging in kind acts increases positive affect in socially anxious individuals. Motivation and Emotion, 37(6), 834-846Cregg, D. R., & Cheavens, J. S. (2023). Healing through helping: An experimental investigation of the effect of kindness on depression, anxiety, and social connection. The Journal of Positive Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2022.2154695

This may be a difficult episode for some of you to hear, but you need to hear it. In this episode I explore how we allow social anxiety to sabotage our own progress and desire to change. Although not always conscious, sometimes we do this that don't help our social anxiety in the long run because of what we want to feel in the short term. I discuss primary and secondary gains, as well as the effect of resentment on our progress. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceInterested in weekly tips to improve your confidence? Join my newsletter: https://subscribepage.io/pknKh0

For many of us, the scariest part of social anxiety is not simply talking to people, it is the fear that other people will soon find out just how anxious we are. This consumes us with embarrassment and shame, and causes us to try to hide our symptoms. We think hiding our symptoms will make us feel more confident but in reality it only makes us more self conscious and obsessed with our symptoms. In this video I explore how to turn this on it's head. Join the FREE Newsletter: https://subscribepage.io/pknKh0Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Services - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Leigh, E., Chiu, K., & Clark, D. M. (2021). Self-focused attention and safety behaviours maintain social anxiety in adolescents: An experimental study. PLOS ONE, 16(2), e0247703. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0247703Hofmann, S. G. (2007). Cognitive factors that maintain social anxiety disorder: A comprehensive model and its treatment implications. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 36(4), 193-209. https://doi.org/10.1080/16506070701421313

Here are 5 very practical ways to keep the conversation going when you don't know what to say. When we feel socially anxious we overcomplicate conversations. There is no deep or mysterious way to get a conversation off the ground, we just need to say SOMETHING! As the conversation progresses, we often find ourselves lost in our mind trying to come up with something to say, instead of simply allowing our brain to give us something to say. In this video I explain how you can vastly improve your conversation skills in just a few simple steps! #socialanxiety #socialskills #confidence Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Rejection stings, but it doesn't have to consume us. In this video I discuss how to overcome our fear of rejection and learn how to prevent the downward spiral that it often leads to. If you struggle with confidence or low self esteem, it can be quite common to be sensitive to rejection. This video will give you practical tools you can use to become more resilient to the pain of rejection. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Baer, R. A., Smith, G. T., Hopkins, J., Krietemeyer, J., & Toney, L. (2006). Using self‐report assessment methods to explore facets of mindfulness. Assessment, 13(1), 27–45. https://doi.org/10.1177/1073191105283504Ghonchehpour, A., Forouzi, M. A., Dehghan, M., Ahmadi, A., Okou, G., & Tirgari, B. (2023). The effect of mindfulness-based stress reduction on rejection sensitivity and resilience in patients with thalassemia: A randomized controlled trial. BMC Psychiatry, 23(1), 281. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-023-04875-3Peters, J. R., Eisenlohr-Moul, T. A., & Smart, L. M. (2016). Dispositional mindfulness and rejection sensitivity: The critical role of non judgment. Personality and Individual Differences, 93, 125-129. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2015.06.029Troy, A. S., & Mauss, I. B. (2017). Cognitive reappraisal and acceptance: Effects on emotion, physiology, and perceived cognitive costs. Current Opinion in Psychology, 17, 1–6. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2017.06.006 (PMC 6188704)

Social anxiety can be a long battle, which is why you need patience and self compassion. Along the way will be struggles, embarrassing moments, uncomfortable feelings and failed social attempts. It can be very tempting to pack it in as soon as things get difficult, but like most things, real change comes with persistence. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Moser, J. S., Dougherty, A., Mattson, W. I., Katz, B., Moran, T. P., Guevarra, D., Shablack, H., Ayduk, Ö., Jonides, J., Berman, M. G., & Kross, E. (2017). Third-person self-talk facilitates emotion regulation without engaging cognitive control: Converging evidence from ERP and fMRI. Scientific Reports, 7, Article 4519.Ayduk, Ö., Kross, E., & others. (2010). Implications of spontaneous self-distancing for adaptive self-reflection when facing negative events. Psychological Science, 21(8), 1166-1174.Libby, L. K., Eibach, R. P., & Gilovich, T. (2005). Here’s looking at me: The effect of memory perspective on assessments of personal change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 88(1), 50-62.

This was another older video from Youtube that I never uploaded.I spent a large portion of my life attempting to extract respect and confidence from other people, only to realize this is a loop that never ends. We spend so much time focused on what other's think is acceptable, that we don't pause to ask ourselves what is meaningful to us. I someone out there find this helpful. Podcast/Instagram/TikTok/Coaching - Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

The worst part of social anxiety is not necessarily the symptoms, it's the how much it robs us of our life. In this video I discuss the effects social anxiety has on our dating life, relationships, work life and general satistfaction. Stick around to the end to find out how you can start turning this fear into motivation so you can finally take back your life. Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:https://clinical-practice-and-epidemiology-in-mental-health.com/VOLUME/17/PAGE/224/FULLTEXT/https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0887618515300414https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7028452/https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6448478/

This is another older youtube video I never uploaded to the podcast.In this episode, I explore what I think is the biggest mistake people with social anxiety make; focusing too much on improving social skills. Sometimes our attempts to become better at socializing perpetuates our obsessiveness and constant self criticism. Instead, let's focus on the underlying fear of rejection and embarrassment. Can we accept that sometimes we will make mistakes and make a fool of ourselves?Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Another older video from youtube that I never uploaded to the podcast.We often fall off our path out of fear of judgment from others and we forget the fact that our life is ours to live and no one else's. The irony is that the people judging us are often only judging us because they are unsatisfied with their own lives. After all, who has time to judge others if they are focused on themselves.Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

This was a youtube video I uploaded back in February that I forgot to add to the podcast. At the end of the video I mention a follow up episode called "Depression Changes You." If you're interested in listening to that episode you can find it on the podcast homepage, dated Feb 10.Forgiveness is never easy, especially when it's time to forgive ourselves. We forget that the person we were in the past is not the person we are now. We cannot torture ourselves for making poor decisions when we were not in a good headspace. No one makes good decisions well they are not doing well mentally. When we are suffering we make decisions that helps us survive, not thrive. Future planning is a luxury for those who are in a good place. It's time to let go and forgive yourself.Interested in Coaching? - https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceYou can also follow me on Youtube, TikTok and Instagram on the same link.

In this episode I explore the role of negativity bias in social anxiety. We often believe we have an objective understanding of ourselves, when in reality our narrative shapes everything we see. In this episode I will challenge you to challenge yourself and your beliefs about yourself and the world. Maybe we've got this thing all wrong.Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Hertel, P. T., Brozovich, F., Joormann, J., & Gotlib, I. H. (2008). Biases in interpretation and memory in generalized social phobia. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 117(2), 278–288. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-843X.117.2.278 Beard, C., & Amir, N. (2010). Negative interpretation bias mediates the effect of social anxiety on state anxiety. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 34(3), 292–296. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-009-9258-6Johnston, C. R., Quarmley, M., Nelson, B. D., Helion, C., Murty, V. P., & Jarcho, J. M. (2023). Social feedback biases emerge during recall but not prediction and shift across the development of social anxiety. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America, 120(52), e2308593120. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2308593120

This is the audio from a short video I made on YouTube. Social anxiety can also impact our relationships. It can make us worry about where we stand with someone, if they are mad at us, if they like us, etc... These worries can sometimes lead to destructive behaviors (seeking validation and reassurance) that ultimately do more harm than good. In this episode I explore what can be done about your desperation so you can feel more confident in your relationships.Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Social Anxiety makes us passive, but the more passive we are the less control we feel over our own lives. We hold onto narratives decades old because we have no new information to change them. If we want to change how we think and feel about ourselves, we have to change how we act first. Give yourself a chance to learn something new about yourself. Maybe you are not the unlikeable loser you have always thought. Maybe if you put yourself out there enough times, you can find people who like all the weird things about you. Time to get out of our heads and take action. #socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #lonely #loneliness Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceYoutube episode: https://youtu.be/KZdJjPdUWQ0

Alcohol, unfortunately, can be very good at calming our nerves. I say unfortunately because this can create a very dangerous cycle. If we rely on alcohol to get through our social situations, we increase our likehood of having alcohol problems. We are also not addressing the fear of socializing at it's core. When we drink we are finding a loophole around the fear, which doesn't allow us to overcome the fear in the longrun. #socialanxiety #socialanxietydisorder #sociallyawkward Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (2023, May 9). Alcohol and other substance use to cope with social anxiety. Spectrum. https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/news-events/spectrum/volume-15-issue-2-spring-2023/alcohol-and-other-substance-use-cope-with-social-anxietyProtective Strategies Study Team, Villarosa-Hurlocker, M. C., Bravo, A. J., Pearson, M. R., Prince, M. A., Madson, M. B., Henson, J. M., Looby, A., Gonzalez, V. M., Henslee, A. M., Cuttler, C., Wong, M. M., & McChargue, D. E. (2019). The relationship between social anxiety and alcohol and marijuana use outcomes among concurrent users: A motivational model of substance use. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, 43(4), 732-740. https://doi.org/10.1111/acer.13966Book, S. W., & Randall, C. L. (2002). Social anxiety disorder and alcohol use. Alcohol Research & Health, 26(2), 130-135.Hart, G., Panayi, M. C., Harris, J. A., & Westbrook, R. F. (2014). Benzodiazepine treatment can impair or spare extinction, depending on when it is given. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 56, 22–29. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.02.004Skelly, M. J., Chappell, A. J., Carter, E., Weiner, J. L., & Gujar, N. (2015). Adolescent social isolation increases anxiety-like behavior and ethanol consumption in adult C57BL/6J mice. Pharmacology, Biochemistry & Behavior, 133, 7-15. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pbb.2015.04.004Bisby, J. A., King, J. A., Sulpizio, V., Degeilh, F., Curran, H. V., & Burgess, N. (2015). Extinction learning is slower, weaker and less context specific after alcohol. Neurobiology of Learning and Memory, 125, 55–62. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.nlm.2015.07.014Rosen, C. S., Greenbaum, M. A., Schnurr, P. P., Holmes, T. H., Brennan, P. L., & Friedman, M. J. (2013). Do benzodiazepines reduce the effectiveness of exposure therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder? The Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 74(12), 1241-1247. https://doi.org/10.4088/JCP.13m08592

Self-consciousness prevents us from living and acting freely in the world. When we are in a social situation and we become self conscious it becomes nearly impossible to engage in conversations because we feel we need to constantly watch and edit ourselves. In this episode I explore why we are self conscious and what mindset shifts and practical skills we can adopt to step outside of ourselves and rid ourselves of fear and social anxiety. Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Fistikci, N., Saatcioglu, Ö., Keyvan, A., Kalkan, M., & Topçuoğlu, V. (2015). Attentional bias and training in social anxiety disorder. Noro Psikiyatr Arsivi, 52(1), 4–7. https://doi.org/10.5152/npa.2015.8777 Arad, G., Azriel, O., Pine, D. S., Lazarov, A., Sol, O., Weiser, M., Garber, E., Bloch, M., & Bar-Haim, Y. (2023). Attention bias modification treatment versus a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor or waiting list control for social anxiety disorder: A randomized clinical trial. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 180(5), 357–366. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.20220533Amir, N., Foa, E. B., & Coles, M. E. (2009). Attention training in individuals with generalized social phobia: A randomized controlled trial. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 118(1), 159–170. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0013643

PODCAST NAME CHANGE! THIS WAS FORMERLY THE "THERAPY ON TAP PODCAST."Sometimes it feels like no matter how many times we put ourselves in social situations, nothing gets better. We are still filled with the same dread and anxiety, despite people and mental health professionals telling you "you have to challenge yourself" if you want to overcome fear and build confidence. In this episode I explore why exposure therapy doesn't always work, and what you can to actually make the progress you are looking for.Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidenceSources:Edgar, E. V., Richards, A., Castagna, P. J., Bloch, M. H., & Crowley, M. J. (2024). Post-event rumination and social anxiety: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Psychiatric Research, 187, 87–97. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jpsychires.2024.03.013Watkins, E. R., & Roberts, H. (2020). Reflecting on rumination: Consequences, causes, mechanisms and treatment of rumination. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 127, 103573. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2020.103573Donohue, H. E., Modini, M., Abbott, M. J., Rapee, R. M., & others. (2024). Psychological interventions for pre-event and post-event rumination in social anxiety: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 102, Article 102823. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2023.102823Price, M., & Dalgleish, T. (2010). The impact of cognitive behavioural therapy on post-event rumination in social phobia. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 48(8), 673–678. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2010.04.003Maeda, S., Yoshida, K., Amano, K., Tamagawa, A., Hayashino, Y., & others. (2022). The effect of distraction versus post-event processing on cortisol recovery in individuals with elevated social anxiety. Biological Psychology, 182, Article 108918. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2022.108918Gray, E., Beierl, E. T., & Clark, D. M. (2019). Sub-types of safety behaviours and their effects on social anxiety disorder. PLOS ONE, 14(10), e0223165Evans, R., Chiu, K., Clark, D. M., Waite, P., & Leigh, E. (2021). Safety behaviours in social anxiety: An examination across adolescence. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 144, Article 103931

When we feel anxious in social situations, we play it safe. We don't tell the funny joke, we sit in the corner of the room, we don't share our interests. This can temporarily make us feel more safe and at ease, but actually exacerbates the anxiety in the long run. In this episode I explore why playing it safe is a dangerous game, how it traps us from truly accepting ourselves and allowing others to accept us, and how it makes things worse in the long run. #socialanxiety #shyness #shyguy #socialskills #confidence #confidencebuilding Sources:Gray, E., Beierl, E. T., & Clark, D. M. (2019). Sub-types of safety behaviours and their effects on social anxiety disorder. PLOS ONE, 14(10), e0223165Evans, R., Chiu, K., Clark, D. M., Waite, P., & Leigh, E. (2021). Safety behaviours in social anxiety: An examination across adolescence. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 144, Article 103931Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence

Every socially anxious person's nightmare... You're in a conversation, things seem to be going ok, when suddenly... your brain freezes. Now your heart and your thoughts are racing, trying to come up with something to say. What do you do now? In this video I dive deep into this commonly asked questioned by social anxiety sufferers, and the answer may not be at all what you expected. #socialanxiety #shyness #shyguy #socialskills #confidence #confidencebuilding Interested in following me or booking a coaching session? Find all links in Linktree below:https://linktr.ee/calmconfidence