Borderline Idealist – BPD, Anxiety, & Depression

A song to help you use the STOP skill to the tune of "Stop," by Spice Girls! Music, video, acting, directed and produced by Aj! More song on the way! Lyrics: PERSON: I've heard you talk about the stop skill but I can never use it AJ: why? PERSON: I just can't remember to use it! AJ: well I have a fun way that can help you to remember it! PERSON: really? Okay! AJ: it's a song that came up with. PERSON: okay! AJ: and I'm going to have to sing right now so... PERSON: .. Oh no thank you AJ: Too late! Let's say: Someone just walked in, They make you frown, For some reason you don't think they like you. It's how your friends are charmed away, Distracted from what you were saying. Trying to stay grounded but those strong feelings, Makes you want to show them how bad your feeling, Youre Lost in a daze, The stranger steps your way, With a smile, asking how you're doing? You're angry from being pushed aside, You want to run out of the room and cry, That feeling so intense, Recognize when you're about to lose it. PERSON: Okay, so that's when I... STOP right now! Take a step back, Observe your surroundings, what your feeling, Find the facts? Proceed now mindfully. Don't go overreactioning, So you won't regret a thing. La la la la Remember feelings don't last forever La la la la If you use stop things will turn out better. You feel angry like you've been deserted, But acting out right now just isn't worth it, You're right to feel the emotions you do, But resist the thrill of getting even! Acting on them Consider being wise beyond your years, Recall the times you went apeshit on peers, Never makes you look too good, When you're telling everyone you didn't get what you deserve! STOP right now! Take a step back, Observe your surroundings, what your feeling, What are the fact? Proceed now mindfully. Don't go overreactioning, So you won't regret a thing. When you feel, Eyebrows arching, Temperature rising, Hands clenched, Arms stiff, You know it's time to stop that ship!

Being assertive means having the ability to speak up for ourselves in a way that is honest and respectful. You have the right to express your view point and the responsibility to speak up. In this episode, we discuss finding and practicing your assertive voice. We reenact Aj being assertive and Cris shutting down, and both our viewpoints on how we view the situation and respond. 

AJ has tried many methods to find—but most importantly maintain—the motivation to accomplish many of his long and short term goals. Over the years, he's struggled with setting goals and seeing them through, staying on task, or simply not feel overwhelmed by his tasks. When he's failed, he's riddled with feelings of guilt and disappointment, which overtime turn into depression and a sense of hopelessness. We're excited—and a little nervous—to talk to you about a new system that has truly made a big difference in the first week of implementation. Today, we're talking about a new app called Habitica. We hope this honest discussion about goals, failure, and perseverance, will inspire you to get back up, dust yourself off, and try a new approach.

We're excited to sit down with musician Coughlin to talk about his experience in the music industry and his commitment to mental health awareness. Go to Coughlin's Instagram to Pre-Save his upcoming single, "Ridin" as heard in the intro of this episode. www.instagram.com/coughlinmusic

Learn about complex post-traumatic stress disorder with us, and a common symptom called structural disassociation common with people with BPD.

Come along with us on our morning walk! — Negative self-talk has always been in my mind passed down to me by my father. After having a discussion with him I realized I don't need his approval to succeed and we are now estranged. It took almost 30 years of my life to realize he never knew the real me, but saw me as a commodity just like my mother. I decided not to be used by them anymore to take control of my life. Healing doesn't mean forgiving, It means telling yourself that you were not responsible for what happened. It wasn't you, it was them. Now it's time to be responsible for yourself. -AJ

My self-esteem is in the gutter. I didn't realize how bad it was. I'm haunted by expectations and perfectionism.My positive self-talk is there, but sometimes the negative voices win. So, I'm beginning a journey to reprogram myself so I'm not always playing the villain. I want to motivate myself not to belittling myself, but build myself up! -AJ

May is mental health awareness month, and also BPD awareness month. Both are important to expose people to the truth about mental health issues and fight stigma.

Update on AJ's structure and schedule and how we can motivate ourselves out of procrastination.

It's Friday, so I want to get as many things done as possible. Usually cleaning a room takes extra time (more than an hour), also because I'm trying not to be distracted by social media. Etsy, poetry, and #artistproblems included!

Another day, another dinner. I really had a good day today.

There are important things to do each day (making an appointment, calling a friend, emergencies, ect.) but don't let that slow you down! No one is perfect, but hell, we can try right?

Recovering from a depressing day, I come to terms with my doubts and fear that seem inescapable. Press on!

Monday was a hard day. I want to concentrate on my life, but thinking about it got me pessimistic. But I won't stop! *episode contains talk of suicide*

What happens when you fail? What even is failure? On this episode we discuss the missteps, roadblocks, and our eventual relapse into our old schedule despite the efforts set in motion 2 weeks ago. More importantly, we discuss how to learn and pivot to pursue our goals more efficiently and intelligently.

What have I learned so far? Weekends are non-negotiable! And also, I love the feeling of focus and motivation in the sun.

Trying hard to get what I want done to better myself and my surroundings.

Mid-week report

Wasn't a perfect day. A lot of factors affected how my day turned out. The importance of the schedule is being able to get the things done that I want to get done in a timely manner. I feel like I didn't do my best today. I can't wait to try again tomorrow! 😳

First day of my schedule! Monday is here. This is how it went. The ups, the downs, the cats 🐈

Procrastinating seems to be a bpd trait. DBT teaches that structure is a great way for our minds to stay active and for us to feel productive. Like me, you may have started projects with grandiose ideas and very motivated, but then slowly became disheartened and discontinued. Our feelings are connected to our motivation so it's important that we take care of ourselves and develop good habits to pass the time.

We're being a little silly and celebrating Valentine's day by playing a game. 🍭♥️

What is Racial Trauma? In this episode, we discuss what can cause racial trauma and our own experiences dealing racism. While there are various symptoms associated with racial trauma, we focus PTSD, Depression, and Anxiety.

These are our most used DBT skills since learning them in 2020, most commonly used to benefit our marriage and our other relationships. There are many skills but these are the ones that have benefited us daily.

Join us as we review the year that will live in infamy—2020! We discuss the special interviews, DBT therapy, Self Care Walks, Patreon, and our top three most listened episodes: "High Functioning BPD" (July 26), "7 Things People with BPD Want You to Know" (May 10), and "Questions on BPD" (May 27). As we say our final goodbyes to 2020, we want to thank each and every one of you for sticking with us through this rough year. We hope you'll join us in 2021—see you on the other side! <3

Do you know who you are? We all go through changes, but BPD can constantly shift your emotions and self-esteem.

Zack is one of our listeners and our new friend! His book is filled with great information for those struggling with depression, especially for the first time. It’s a guide that covers everything from nutrition to finding the right care in an honest and encouraging way. Checkout the full book on Amazon. Link on borderlineidealist.com

AJ has begun exploring different essential oils and their effects. They can stimulate, calm, and even improve self esteem. Join us as we discuss our favorite six oils!

An update on beginning our DBT study group & also understanding the reasonable, emotional, and wise mind.

Can those with BPD experience a form of mania? Hypomania is a less severe form of mania that AJ believes he’s experienced. But isn’t mania only a bipolar thing? And how do you manage these type of energy burst that are followed by low mood?

Oh, splitting, how you affect us so! AJ speaks about how he can go from one minute loving Cris, then feel he is the worst. BPD can make a truly emotional situation harder by distrusting yourself and others.

We play a game that explores DBT interpersonal effectiveness and shows us how strongly to say no or how strongly to ask for what you want. Check out our Facebook and Instagram for the instructions.

Follow along with Cris as he walks us through a simple mindfulness exercise to help us stay focus on the present.

Mindfulness helps us to be in the moment and can also help us improve our awareness of our bodies and mind. AJ & Cris reflects on how they use the skill.

Listen to your favorite introverts talk about the difference between high functioning vs low.

Here's a great example of AJ utilizing STOP, radical acceptance, and checking the facts. We look at how DBT helped in a specific stressful situation, and what it could have been like without their help.

Learn how this distress tolerance skill can help lessen your suffering so you can proceed on mindfully. Don’t go spiraling! (I apologise for tripping over my own words. I should have let Cris read but then I would have to say he was right. No way. Sorry. Stay out of our marriage! 😂)

Here is an exercise in mindfulness. Sensory awareness is anything that involves the five senses. Find somewhere to get comfy,relax, and focus on grounding yourself in the present.

AJ has a scholarship to a DBT boot camp this summer, so he wants to pass on what he learned to you! Distress tolerance helps us calm during stress so we can focus on making a factual decision using our "wise mind." For more on distress tolerance follow the link in our blog post: https://www.borderlineidealist.com/podcast/2020/6/15/episode-66-distress-tolerance-basics

Here are some popular questions we get as6k through our social media. If you would like to send us a question or something to discuss, please email us at [email protected].

To help promote BPD awareness month, we discuss 7 things people with BPD want you to know.

We chat about the brave new world we live in under partial isolation to flatten the curve. Also AJ tells us about a new DBT skill that can help you process emotional situations.

Here's a bit of what AJ has been learning in DBT sessions. We hope you can use a skill or two to help get you through stressful times and appreciate the moment.

For all those self-isolating and bored at home, we offer the first full episode of our Patreon miniseries. These are crazy times, so why not sit back, and enjoy listening to our discussion on a woman's self discovery of BPD in a 1960s mental hospital. We love you and hope this might bring you joy in these trying times! ♥️

Valene gives us a look into her life growing up in a hectic household, struggling to find her place, and the courage to press forward.

🌈Walkin & Talkin

AJ shares one of his sacred stories from his secret stash on this walk.

Trivia: The Ides of March is the 74th day in the Roman calendar that corresponds to 15 March. It was marked by several religious observances and was notable for the Romans as a deadline for settling debts. In 44 BC, it became notorious as the date of the assassination of Julius Caesar which made the Ides of March a turning point in Roman history.

Sweetwater Creek was a great experience for us! It's our second time going and this time with friends. Here's a chat about the adventure ♥️

Are we still doing this? Yes. Yes we are. 🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏿‍♂️🚸