PODCAST · comedy
The Otis Advisory
by Pat Fant aka Uncle Otis
HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>
Episodes
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Holiday From the Sex part 2
The punishment phase following the presidential election has now started. Donkey Ladies everywhere, especially those with pre-existing conditions, have announced the end of sex as we know it. Men are now officially cut off as punishment for helping Orange Man win the White House. And to rub it…
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SIT TO P
SIT TO P If you don’t sit to pee, you can’t play basketball with the girls! Now you would think that’s obvious, but there are still some who are just finding this out. I’d go with what came in your shorts. That’s your pre-existing condition right there! And it won’t go away just because you…
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Socialized Democrats
SOCIALIZED DEMOCRATS To help explain how Socialized Democrats are busy saving our democracy, we brought in OPPO the Research Loving Clown to look at what’s in the new Donkey-Party platform. Aww, what’s the matter Oppo? Why so sad? Well, it looks like the Socialized Democrats secret plan the whole...
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Zohan the Conqueror
Say hello to Zohran the Conqueror – the latest fanboy of the lunatic fringe. As Mayor of New York, the Zohan only has a Beatnik-level view of what makes the world work, but he’s still planning to run this con on YOU and the rest of the coalition of the unhappy come next election day. Zohan the...
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Woke 1.0
Remember when everybody was too woke to sleep? It’s OK - that was just Woke 1.0 - a crazy time in Donkey politics and the national coalition of the unhappy. Woke kids were everywhere, but the commie caucus was still confused over what to think and what to say! Like, which car air freshener to go...
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Gain of Fauci
It was Gain of Fauci the whole time! The little shrimp was busy working the back side just to meet girls and get a new beach house! But now he’s been caught with his little Fauci pants down! They wanted to try him as an adult, but the consigliere screamed, “PARDON” after sleepy Joe gave the…
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Experimental Mayor
New York city’s new experimental Mayor, Zorro is already learning the hard lessons of socialism. Finding out you can’t be both moisture-wicking and self-absorbed at the same time or you’ll just dry up! That’s right. It’s already happening to Mayor Zorro. His city is running out of cash! He needs...
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If Kamala Had Won
What would be different right now if Kamala had won? Lower your expectations for a second and use your imagination. Try to imagine President Kamala, a free-lance thinker with no active ingredients, having control of your wallet, your thermostat, your kids, and your menu. Kamala likes keeping fear...
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War on Women
Remember the War on Women? Is that still a thing? Do women still go off to finishing school? What goes on there? Let’s say your name is still Debbie and you’re still developmentally optimistic, then you’ve probably missed the short squeeze altogether. And that’s good. Bring Your Wife to Work Day…
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Airplane Feet 2
Why is it that some still need to take their shoes off on an airplane ride? It’s just wrong. Still or sparkling, that’s gotta hurt. The guy next to you will never order another chicken fried steak again after seeing your airplane feet all fileted out in the walkway. It’s just too triggering!...
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Southern Apology 2
Your Uncle Otis is back with a real Southern apology for China, since they may not have one of those yet. And until you’ve had a good southern apology, honey you don’t know sorry. So here goes. China, here in the South, we kinda stole YOUR intellectual property too!! That’s right, we stole you...
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Count of Monty Crypto
Today we’re bringing in the Count of Monty Crypto to help explain the US economy in a way even Jasmine can understand it. Step one, if you want to save big money, don’t buy anything. Next: Hide your stuff! Go out in the backyard, dig a hole and put your stuff down there, then cover it up. If the...
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BIG BAD BUNNY
Big Bad Bunny is now hiring. He’s about to do the half time SuperBowl show and still needs a few good men to hold up his scarf for the big game. It’s a ballsey move, but since Super Bowl is copyrighted, we’re not allowed to talk about what a dumb NFL idea this really is. They just need you to…
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The Jasmine Report part 2
At night when Jasmine Crockett lies there waiting for the sandman to come take her away, she likes to dream of how important she’s gonna feel once we make her a US Senator from Texas. Commander Otis here - back on Crockett Watch where we’ve brought in Oppo the research loving clown to find out…
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The Jasmine Report part 1
You’ve landed on the Jasmine Report – the weekly national tracker that chronicles the latest bull corn leaking out of Jasmine’s campaign for Senate. Now sometimes Jasmine’s mind plays tricks on her when she dreams of winning the rural vote. “Should I go campaign at the Cracker Barrel or the…
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APOLOGY REQUEST FORM
APOLOGY REQUEST FORM Here at the Discount Think Tank and Bait Camp, we can sometimes hit a little too close to the bone. And that’s when the lawyers make us apologize. With so many wanting an apology from your Uncle Otis, we’re starting to fall behind. If I need to be sorrier faster, and get you...
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Wash Your Hands
Back in the time before filtered water, things weren't as convenient as they are now. Like, did you know there wasn’t always a little trash can sitting by the door of the men’s room so when you’re leaving, you’d have somewhere to toss your wadded up wet paper towel. Now this is just the men’s…
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CHANGE THE BABY
Let’s say you’re a victim of wife supremacy and you’ve just accidentally stumbled into a child infested area. Suddenly, someone suggests that you change baby’s diaper. Well first you need to know that the correct people have new rules for you to follow. That’s right, before you go floundering...
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HAPPY TALK
HAPPY TALK The holidays are a great time to remember some of the jacked-up ideas your mom would lay on you when you were growing up. Stuff you were supposed to believe no matter how whacked it was. Like this one: “Little Otis, you keep making that face and next time it’s gonna stick like that.…
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HUSKEY SOLDIERS
Let’s say you’re in the Army and the husky-sized pants is all you can fit into. Well, Mr. Huskey size, you may be looking for another line of work after the new war on chunky soldiers. There's even an end to whiskers and beards - back to high and tight for army men, including the girls! No more...
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MUTE BUTTON
There you sit, watching the world wake up from history. So many great things to see, or so you’d think. Well sorry pal, all you get this time is Jasmine Crockett, the cold sore on American politics. Not where you thought evolution might be taking us, but there it is anyway. Miss Jasmine, still...
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Smashed Potatoes
Hope you didn’t throw away the box your Mr. Potato Head came in. He’s going to be worth something once we wake up from this trash compactor we’ve been living in! Remember how Mr. Potato Head had a little trap door in his behind where you’d keep all his parts. You could give him a pipe and a...
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Taillight Out
Ladies, if you’ve been thinking about having some extra padding implanted in your behind, I’ve got great news. The makers of Spanx, with the street name Spanky Pants, now sell some special new drawers with the butt implants built right in. Maybe it’s just the Shitegeist of the times. The extra…
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Sock Hat in August
Must be hot wearing that wool sock hat in ninety degrees. We don’t see much of the Seattle look here at the bait camp, especially in August. A sock hat in summer is cute and all but is WOKE really worth it to find purpose in an otherwise unremarkable life? There you are, hanging like a lose…
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Blue Genes by D'Otis
We didn't used to get worked up over a cute girl on TV in three-hundred-dollar jeans. It just wasn’t a thing. But now, itching for a leg up, the donkey people believe this time, in a TV spot, they’ve finally found the Nazi in your shorts. Oh stars! A blond, blue eyed girl on TV – not queen size,...
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Jasmine's Escalade
Jasmine really likes riding in her Escalade. “Either ride me in an Escalade or I’m staying home.” The staff had their orders so Escalade it is, with the extra base boost for that Crown Royal authenticity! “Now I need to go to lunch, and I don’t mean Cracker Barrell.” Yes Mama! “I’ll go in…
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HUNTER FOR PRESIDENT
Hunter started out with nothing and still has most of it left. Like when he’d get in trouble for peeing in the pool at the Best Western. "Hunter you get out of there right now. Your daddy’s gonna wear you out when he gets back from Epstein's. I'm telling him what you did in that pool.” Sometimes,...
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ZOHAN THE CONQUEROR
Say hello to Zohan the Conqueror, the latest fanboy of the lunatic fringe, now running for mayor of New York City. It’s obvious, Zohan only has a beatnik-level view of what makes the world work, but he’s still planning to run this con on YOU and the coalition of the unhappy next election day.…
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Courtesy Lights
Any minute now a judge will try to make Trump go get back all the bunker busters he loaded on the plane to Iran, then bring them home and put them right back in the garage where he found ‘em. That’s because Orange man didn’t ask permission first. He didn’t call Sandy Cortez or that really smart...
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BUNKER BUSTER WITH CHEESE
There’s a prize waiting for anyone who can finish their Bunker Buster with Cheese and keep it down for 8 seconds - just like the rodeo. The Bunker Buster comes tail up to go down easy at forty-five degrees. And when it hits bottom you'll know it, so have s quick exit planned if things get messy....
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ALCATRAZ GIFT SHOP
Orange man wants to reopen the world-famous Alcatraz criminal resort. It’s been rusting and falling down for years, kinda like Sleepy Joe, but Alcatraz can still be restored, Joey probably not. Alcatraz has a special place for people who take their shoes off on airplanes, remove tags from pillows...
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Meet the Activist
Complaining is real popular, and nobody enjoys it more than the activist. Say hello to three-dollar Bill, he’s the new front page of the Donkey Party. When Bill’s not busy at Hamster Fight Club night, he and the other humanized mice like to head downtown for a paid appearance at the local street...
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Men Are Back
When you need a tire changed or a refrigerator moved to the second floor, who do you call? You call a man! Men are back, and are finally done with putting their hair up in mouse ears and going with you to the mall. Don’t be asking men to tell you which sheets they think are the softest. They have...
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Brooklyn Bridge
The Mexican Navy is looking for a new navigator after somebody over there tried to drive their one hundred fifty-foot-tall boat underneath the one hundred thirty-foot tall Brooklyn Bridge. Not a good look! Pealed the top right off right in front of where congressman lady Sandy Cortez stays, and...
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Inside Out
You know that trick where you turn your socks inside out to get another couple of days out of them? Well, that’s what the donkey party bosses have in mind for Kamala. Just turn the lady in the pant suit inside out for another go at the controls, and do it fast before Sandy Cortez de Putanasa gets...
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What Men Want
What Do Men Really Want, aside from the usual stuff like getting to wipe your nose on your sleeve or maybe a good stool softener. Men are simple organisms who still think they can play Wipe Out on the steering wheel. But know other stuff too like what a woman is. Hell, men are experts in that.…
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Mud Pies in Space
If you've been getting your powdered Margarita mix from China, I think I'd be making other arrangements. Orange man has changed all this so we don’t forget how to make our own essential fixins. We shouldn't have to rely on China for medicine, memory foam and dead flashlights. “But, Oh Uncle Otis,...
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Steaks in Cages
If you’re even thinking about stuffing a T-bone down your shorts at the Walmart think again. Due to shrinkage (used to be called stealing but that was too real) they’re now keeping the steaks in little wire cages to keep your grubby mitts from stuffing Mr. Roast down your pants and heading for…
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Dented Can
It all makes sense when you think of Kamala as the dented can on the store shelf. Poor little dented can, it’s sad that nobody wants it anymore being all smushed and caved in. Pushed aside for the shiny new can, the one with the fresh AOC label, except that one’s about to be banned for all the…
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Tanks Alot Kamala
Kamala is about to open the doors to her new Think Tank! “We’ll think about anything for a price,” giggled Kamala. It’s like the self-licking ice cream cone of bad ideas, but there it is anyway. Tanks Alot Kamala is mostly particle board and sounds like a cry for help that no one hears. It even…
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OTIS OPENS YOUR MAIL
Otis gets a lot of prison mail. But when the weather’s nice, he likes to walk around the neighborhood to see what everybody else got in the mail. You can learn a lot about your neighbors by going through their mail. Take this nice lady for example. Dear Ms. Jones, Oh look, it’s from the free...
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Class Clown
Congressman-lady Jasmine Crockett really likes being the only botanical in government. But don’t be fooled by all the flowery words. Jasmine knows nothing pays off faster than class clown when you need to get noticed, before that AOC gets it all. Remember the circus business is nothing new for...
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Crawfish Are Not Fish
Everybody knows, crawfish are not fish. Never have been. Try putting crawfish in the microwave and you’ll see what I mean. The stuff in there runs out all over the place, gets all over the floor and everything. Meat doesn’t do that. You can do better. Look, a million flies can’t be wrong. Even...
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Being Chuck Schumer
The only thing more dangerous than being Chuck Schumer right now is being Chuck Schumer driving a red Tesla. That would be a bowel-curdling trigger event over at Camp TransAntifa, the Nottingham Forrest of the pumps and pearls fellas with an itch for firebombing. I know it’s getting harder to…
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Incinerated Persons
Don’t be looking for a Mother’s Day card in Wisconsin. “Mother’s Day cards don’t say mother anymore,” said Governor Shagnasty. In Wisconsin, Mother has been changed to “Incinerated Persons” – wait, is that right? By the way, now that Orange man has declared English the official language of…
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Over Easy
The barnyard is buzzing this week over the high cost of eggs. Somebody gave the chickens the flu, probably caught it at the gym like everybody else. But what you really need to worry about is egg smuggling. There coming across the border from everywhere, Smuggling eggs can get messy. Stuffing a...
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Throw Me a Line
USA sent fifty million dollars in condoms to Gaza. Found out later they decided to make condom bombs instead with all their free rubbers. Come on now, this is too easy. Let’s say you’re the runt of the litter and someone gives you fifty million dollars’ worth of free rubbers. You could go find a...
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Orange Sunrise
ORANGE SUNRISE Thanks to the new Orange sunrise over Washington, a system-wide peristalsis has begun, moving the waste and waste by-products from the gut of government. In its place, luxury, prosperity and of course endless boogie! Can you dig it. But as always, Donkey Darkness is on the rise...
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Trump Dance
TRUMP DANCE It’s a dance. It’s a movement. No wait, it’s the Trump Shuffle, and all the kids are doing it. How low can you go? Just put your bottom on a swivel and leave your pronouns at the door! The Trump Shuffle is ground zero in the land of a thousand dances. But you won’t see it on The View....
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Honor Snacks
The Honor Snacks man finally went back around to check on his snack box after the Biden White House cleared out. Naturally it came in light, again. The little bedwetters had their grubby little mitts on the Captains Wafers but never left the fifty cents in the slot. So much for Donkey people and...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>
HOSTED BY
Pat Fant aka Uncle Otis
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How many episodes does The Otis Advisory have?
The Otis Advisory currently has 290 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is The Otis Advisory about?
HIGH VELOCITY HOOT from Universal Foolishness: Original News Cartoons as short-form podcasts. Dump you old Think Tank and wade into these guilt-free waters with Tio Otis - finishing off political correctness for a grateful nation. Slower listeners keep right>>>>
How often does The Otis Advisory release new episodes?
The Otis Advisory publishes regularly with 290 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
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You can listen to The Otis Advisory on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts The Otis Advisory?
The Otis Advisory is created and hosted by Pat Fant aka Uncle Otis.
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