The Freedom From Empty Podcast

What is my "superhero origin story"? What happens when we cannot rest until everyone and everything else is taken care of? What happens when we believe if we could just do enough, be enough, get "there", earn all of the awards and promotions and titles and money and accumulate all of the things, that somehow we will no longer be afraid. Or desperately lonely? What happens when we have to choose--whether consciously or unconsciously--between being known and being safe? And what is so beautiful about my healing journey now as I learn how to expand beyond "neutral"? Join me for this episode where I explore all of this and more.

Our adaptations keep us alive. But not without cost. While my conscious beliefs were definitely problematic and contributed to my descent into burnout and mental illness, I have come to understand that underneath those conscious beliefs was nervous system patterning that fueled my capacity to run myself into the wall over and over and over again until my body and mind broke under the assault. In this episode I share a story about the retreat I didn't want to go to and how "what is underneath" is an invisible and yet powerful force that may be keeping us stuck. 

It turns out that resting is hard (in this culture). And the truth is, I didn't really give myself permission to rest until I was literally no longer able to function. Until I had exhausted my body and mind almost beyond repair. In this episode I share some of the unhelpful and downright destructive beliefs, fears and patterning around rest that I have wrestled with and succumbed to in the past, and the ways in which I am working to reframe and repattern over the course of my healing journey. I hope some of these practices are helpful for you too!

I had no idea that my inability to rest and recover from the stress and overwhelm of life was going to push me to a breaking point. But it did. Rest is THE foundational practice that allows our body to support us in reaching for our dreams, caring for others, and staying connected to the full experience of being human. In this episode I explain what I mean by "rest" and make the case for why your people need you to rest more. I also share strategies for completing the stress cycle (to make it easier to rest) and tips for supporting better sleep. 

Welcome to Season 2 of the Freedom from Empty Podcast! In this episode I share a little behind the scenes of some of the events that prompted an unplanned 20-month hiatus from the podcast, how my journey continues to evolve, and I also include some business and podcast updates. Join me now for this new season. 

I have come to believe that our unadulterated voice is an expression of the divine. But there are a million reasons why you may have lost (pieces of) your voice on your journey to where you are now. In this episode I share when I first lost my voice, what it has been like to reclaim it so far, and the steps I continue to take to heal and reintegrate my voice with my whole being. I also offer some gentle "new scripts" for you to use with your own tender heart and soul as needed. Your voice is worthy of being heard. TW: This episode includes descriptions of physical and emotional abuse.

What are some mythperceptions we all hold about what self-care, wellness and wellbeing "look like" vs. what they actually can mean for us? Are movement and exercise the same thing and can exercise be bad for you? What if listening to your body could save your life? What would it look like if you learned to be kind to your body instead of punishing it for its faults and failures? And what if we cheered each other on more because we are all, overwhelmingly, doing the best with can with what is in front of us each day? Tune into my conversation with Jen Schappel, Founder of KindBody Movement as we explore these questions and more.

Letting go of what we know can be terrifying. But holding on too tightly to things that are no longer for us can keep us stuck and ultimately make us sick. In this episode I share how surrender has been a gateway in my life. This gateway not only sent me along the path to professional opportunities but also has been the recurring theme in my reclamation of my health and well-being after decades spent performing at all costs. Listen to learn more about the freedom that can come with surrender.

"Owning a business that is based on my purpose allows me to be who I am, not what I do." Join me for this interview with Erika Biddix, Founder of Biddix Meetings and Events and Aught LLC, to hear the story of how she went from outsourcing her life so that she could do more work for her corporate boss to creating a thriving community for female entrepreneurs that also allows her to be present with her kids and family. We also chat about how self-care isn't the same for everyone, nor should it be. Instead, it should be an intentional response to the current needs and stressors in your life.

There are moments in our lives when, for whatever reason, we find ourselves with clear(er) calendars and fewer to-dos or perhaps a moment or a season when our priorities are turned on their head. If we don’t pause from time to time (or honor the pause that finds it way to us) and ask ourselves whether the way we are living is actually giving us life, we may find ourselves at the end wondering how we managed to waste this one wild and precious life (per Mary Oliver). The pause is precious. It is a chance to change everything that needs to be changed. To heal everything that needs to be healed. One pause at a time. What will you do with the pause?

My conversation with Kate Brosnan, a weight-neutral, non-diet, Registered Dietician, continues in this episode as we challenge some of the commonly held beliefs about the association between weight and health, weight stigma in healthcare, and the truth about weight cycling. We also explore the dangers of applying hyper-performance behaviors to our attempts to manage weight. 

In this first of two interview episodes with Kate Brosnan, a weight neutral, non diet, registered dietician, Kate shares about the journey she has been on as a mother and dietician who realized that the beliefs and behaviors about food she was passing down to her daughter were having unintended consequences. Fatphobia is a harmful, socially acceptable form of discrimination that is keeping many of us stuck in unhealthy and sometimes dangerous behaviors. And we are passing these beliefs down to the next generation. After we recorded this interview, I had the opportunity to use some of the language and perspective that Kate shared with me in a tough conversation with one of my kiddos (who was in tears over body shame) and I want you to know that I felt so much more equipped to have this conversation in a supportive way. You may be surprised by what you learn in this episode.

What if YOU were born a badass? I think we arrived here with the capacity to be total badasses. And then the world gets a hold of us. So for many, the journey back to self and soul is a journey of unlearning, of unbecoming, of ceasing to resist. It’s the gooey middle of the caterpillar’s transmutation into a butterfly. We keep dissolving and peeling back the layers until we come to the root of our being. A part of ourselves long since forgotten. The part of us that is unfettered by who the world told us we had to be in order to survive and be deemed acceptable and worthy. The part of us that is still connected to source if only by a single glimmering thread. For more on the journey back to ourselves (and our own inner badass) listen in.

From a very young age, we have been inundated with messages that we can only trust those authorities and institutions that are outside of us. We have been taught not to trust ourselves. I sat down with Bonnie Casamassima as she shared her story. Listen in to hear what prompted her to go on a journey of "unlearning" and how she is translating her journey (and the juxtaposition of both the seen and unseen) into her work. If you are in the midst of an unbecoming or a personal transformation, I think you will find Bonnie's story to be one of hope.

So much of our culture is focused on quick fixes, magic bullets, and hacks. But healing cannot be hacked. And some of the most significant milestones--the ones that announce that healing has happened or is still happening--aren’t loud, demonstrative or performative. Listen in to hear more about how quiet wins can be powerful reminders that we are making progress on our healing journey. 

Just over five years ago, at 19 years old, Bailey Rose was forced to choose between freedom and financial support from her parents. She chose freedom. In this episode, Bailey shares the story of what it took to break free from a narcissistic parent and the unexpected ripple effects of her decision. Bailey also offers validation and hope to others who may be caught in a narcissistic relationship. 

Our culture has come to celebrate performing and persisting at all costs. But what if some of those costs are actually way too high? What if not quitting could cost us our lives, families, relationships, careers . . . everything? Maybe we should break the stigma around quitting. Maybe we should learn to quit more and to celebrate others when they do the same. What are you going to quit?

I have come to believe that many of us are just out here living our lives, unwittingly playing out our (unresolved) traumas on each other because we don’t fully understand or appreciate what is actually playing out in our bodies and minds or the impact that traumatic energy is having on us and the people around us. In this episode, I explore symptoms of unresolved trauma and make the case for taking personal responsibility for what comes next.

Last week something occurred to me that hadn’t hit me in quite the same way before. Some of us may not have our self-preservation button engaged. Or, we are so accustomed to overriding the warning signs, that we don’t take reasonable steps to stop and fuel ourselves when the need is imminent.

I see you. You think if you are struggling you must not be “doing it right.” If you could just be a “better” version of yourself, life wouldn’t feel so overwhelming or challenging. What if I told you that this isn’t about self-improvement?! What if I told you that this is about nurturing the person you already are? The person who gives life your all, and who is UNDERSTANDABLY exhausted?!?

Dreaming of a better future is a key ingredient to well-being and our ability to realize our full potential. But somewhere along the way, you may have forgotten how to dream. In this episode I share more about my own experience with finding, losing, and then rediscovering my capacity to dream. I also issue an invitation for you to explore your dreams (or the obstacles that might be standing in your way). 

Many of us have been conditioned to “just do it” or go out and make things happen. And if we don’t? We must not want “it” badly enough. But what if holding on too tight and forcing things leads to poor results (at best) and injury or illness (at worst). In this episode I explore what I am learning about letting go. 

What does it mean to make ourselves whole and not perfect? We put human beings on a perfection pedestal to look up to but we may not even have an image of what it means to be whole. We will dive into imagining what being whole means from positive and negative emotions and behaviors to sustaining our spiritual, mental, & physical energies as well. 

Warning signs are messages from our body that something isn’t right. If we learn to listen to them sooner rather than later, we can avoid a crash. I recently came face to face with a warning sign I ignored for too long.  

With a deep-seated awareness of the one-year anniversary of pandemic shutdowns across the United States, and the fatigue many of us are feeling, I am bringing back the most downloaded episode of the podcast to date “7 Tips for Coping with Anxiety and Supporting Your Well-Being in a Crisis and Beyond.” These simple, no-cost tips are immediately accessible for you to calm your nervous system, regain your executive functioning, and support your overall well-being.   

On Episode 60 of the podcast, I am joined by my first ever guest: Erin Reece of Bear Accounting & Financial Solutions, a Founding Member of the 6 Steps for Stress Recovery and Burnout Prevention. ⁠ ⁠ Listen to hear how this program has influenced her personally and professionally in every aspect of her life. ⁠

In this episode I share the three things that I wish I had known about burnout decades ago. I like to imagine that this knowledge could have helped me avoid my epic crash and burn. I couldn’t save myself then, but perhaps I can help guide you to a more sustainable and healthier future filled with perspective, peace, presence and purpose. 

Our nation is not well. We are not well. But we can heal. As individuals, communities and as a country. It will take time, and patience, and peeling back the layers one by one by one. It will require showing up with kindness, empathy, respect and compassion for ourselves and for each other. In this episode I share four important things I have learned about what it takes to heal. The longer we wait, the longer it will take. Begin now.

Many of us have been conditioned to believe that we must perform at all costs. That life and work is supposed to look like a steady, linear, upward trajectory of effort, responsibility and success. We get busier and busier and busier. But rarely check in to see how we are doing. Or whether we are actually living our lives in alignment with our purpose and well-being. I am learning to embrace a more cyclical rhythm, and a pace that is sensitive to, and recalibrated often, in the face of different seasons, stressors and circumstances. I am learning to weave and fold well-being into the fabric of my life with intention and practice. And to check-in with myself often. In a season of our lives where the only certainty seems to be uncertainty, I encourage you to embrace a regular practice of recalibration. More in this episode. 

The holiday season is fully loaded--with expectations, idealistic messages, charged relationships, and traumas present and past. And this year, many of us may be navigating the impact of a global pandemic on the holiday rituals that have been a light for us in years past. If you are struggling this holiday season, I feel you. Sometimes we hold on tightly to control because we are trying to assuage our grief and pain without fully feeling it. In this episode, I invite you to release your grip a little bit and see what happens. Do you need to let go of control, celebrate simple gifts or discover the beauty that can be found among the mess and abandoned expectations? Wrapping my arms around you this season and holding space, not only for the tears, but also for the relief and peace that can come when we allow ourselves to feel what we have been afraid to feel. Be gentle and kind with you. 

I cannot give you more time. But, I can show you the doorway back to you. I can guide you through some of the common traps. And show you the steps. I can help you reclaim who you were put on this earth to be. And teach you how to start to notice the messages, beliefs, habits, programming loops and strategies that are no longer consistent with who you are at your highest and best. I can challenge you to think differently about what you have been told is true about being human. And I can hold space for you on the journey. The 6 Steps to Stress Recovery and Burnout Prevent is LIVE.

Physical. Emotional. Mental. Spiritual. These are the 4 centers of energy that directly influence our daily capacity to do all the things we want to do. What if I told you that you have the innate ability, not only to recover from the stress of your day to day life, but also to increase your resilience and expand your capacity for the future. This episode walks you through how your energy centers directly influence your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being and also how, with awareness and intention, you can build and sustain optimal performance across all four centers.

Election day is here and the possibilities are open-ended. With big decisions being made that will affect our lives as a whole, intentional self-care and coping strategies will help us more than ever to adapt to the changing circumstances. The effect trauma can have on our lives is evident in our work, our relationships, and deep within ourselves. As overwhelming as #2020 has been, there are things you can do to support your nervous system, mitigate your trauma reaction, and restore your equilibrium. In this podcast episode, I will reveal my suggestions for supporting each other, our communities, and ourselves, in the coming months. 

I flirted with burnout a couple of weeks ago, but I recognized it and was able to walk myself back from the ledge. In order to avoid (or recover) from burnout, we need to be able to recognize the signs and symptoms, choose to save ourselves, and invest in intentional recovery practices at least(!) until we start to feel like ourselves again. If we want to stay well, we need to integrate recovery into our daily lives. Listen here to learn more about how to recognize burnout before you become a frog in boiling water.

What do you not want to miss? We often get a huge dose of perspective when we lose someone or something we love. Or when we get a serious or possibly terminal diagnosis. When we are reminded that no moment is guaranteed. One of the elements of living in alignment with our own well-being is to be very clear on what matters most to us. This is your reminder. And your permission. 

EPISODE 50!! In this episode I go deeper into the 1st step of the 6 steps for stress recovery and burnout prevention I have been using with clients and in my own life. Without our Why as an anchor, guidepost, measuring stick and North Star, we become a hamster on a hamster wheel . . . charging forward at full speed but getting nowhere . . .until we exhaust ourselves and collapse. But when we do the work to ground ourselves and stay connected to our Why, all of the other decisions become easier, we can see our progress along the way and we are able to maintan resilience in the face of extraordinary challenges.

You feel overwhelmed, anxious, stressed and chronically depleted. Constant change and uncertainty is wearing you thin. You want to feel better, but you don't know how. And you certainly don't have the energy to do it alone. Guess what?! You don't have to! In this episode I outline the 6 steps I regularly use to touch base with myself and recalibrate my stress recovery in order to feel calmer, more relaxed, rested and to stay well despite all that 2020, and life in general, keeping throwing our way.

Not too long ago my filter came off. And (this time) I couldn’t blame it on fatigue. I was in a SAFE space. And the space of that relationship made all the difference. Safe places to be seen, in all of our beauty and our mess, are critical to well-being (and any trauma-healing journey).

In this episode I reflect on the pressure we put on ourselves (and often on others) for certain moments or experiences to be “special” or “perfect”. And the more tightly we hold on to our own construct, the more likely we are to miss out. Because life, and people, are messy. On the other hand, if we give ourselves permission to lean into what “is,” we will find gifts, and stories, in the mess.

Watching the newness of everything through a puppy’s eyes and in contrast to the pain that is boiling over in our world right now, I am reminded that one of the ways in which we have learned to deflect and disassociate from the pain of other humans is by rationalizing all of the ways they “deserved” what happened to them. How can we start to look at the world, and each other, with new eyes full of compassion and with true empathy?

In Episode 43 of the podcast, I began to make the case for why workplaces should be thinking about the impact of trauma on their workforce--which  ultimately translates to their organization’s profits and well-being--and why I think trauma informed workplaces are (should be) the future of work.  In this episode I explore the elements of a trauma informed workplace as established by SAMHSA (Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration). 

The product of transformation is beautiful. The journey is messy and hard. In this episode I share observations about the process of transformation and tips for supporting yourself through the journey.

I recorded this episode when we were already living with the impact of a global pandemic, but before the death of George Floyd. Before the effects of trauma--the impact of centuries of both overt and covert violence against people of color in this country--rose to a boiling point. More than ever before perhaps, employers and leaders are challenged to know what to do, how to respond, and how to care for their employees--the people who bring their very human lives and human scars to the workplace with them every day. Are you ready? 

We have not been taught to recognize the impact of trauma on our individual and collective well-being. This episode explores how trauma can translate into individual behaviors. You might be surprised what you learn. 

What your people need right now, and by “people” I mean your teams, organizations, families and friends, is for you to show up as the highest and best version of yourself; someone who is grounded, non-reactive, transparent, consistent, and kind. In this episode I share tips for leading through crisis--through the lens of a few things to watch out for--so that can show up well for your people in the face of uncertainty and extraordinary stress. 

Some of us are not on the front lines of the COVID19 battle right now, but as therapist Aundi Kolber writes in her book Try Softer “many of us, at some point or another, have had experiences that felt so overwhelming or threatening to our nervous systems that our brains encoded that information on a spectrum from disturbing to outright traumatic.” Trauma is recoverable with intention, resources and support. In this episode I share some of my experience living with and learning to thrive with PTSD.

You can't sleep. Maybe your chest is pounding. Or you were on the phone with your boss or client and couldn't find the right words. In the midst of a global pandemic, our fight or flight response is on overdrive, and that response, intended to help us escape a sabre toothed tiger, shunts our performance to our breathing function and our critical organs. This same fight or flight response means our executive functions (context, decision-making, perspective, impulse control) are short-circuited. Living in fight or flight compromises our immun response. And living in fight or flight for extended periods of time can leave us with chronic or terminal illness. The 7 tips I cover in this episode will help you calm your fight or flight response so that your body and brain can have a much-needed break. These tips don't cost any money. And the majority of them only take a few moments at any given time. 

Setting and holding clear boundaries allows us to support our well-being and the well-being of those around us. When I reflect on my own crash and burn, I can see clearly that my lack of boundaries led me to push myself to my ultimate limits, until my only option, as I understood it, was to throw grenades into certain areas of my life and relationships. I couldn’t survive that way anymore. And I was not the only casualty. This episode explores lessons I have learned (and continue to learn) about how to set boundaries in support of healthier personal relationships.

The world has changed dramatically. Everything is uncertain. We have choices. Our choices will influence the outcome, not only of this global pandemic but of the world we will live in in the future. 

Individuals, teams and organizations who operate within clear boundaries are more likely to thrive. Maybe you know how to use boundaries at work, but need a refresher. Maybe you never considered boundaries at work as an option for you or your team. In any case, this podcast explores 5 tips for implementing boundaries at work. Give one of these tips a try and let me know how it goes!