All Episodes
Disagree better — 175 episodes
Don’t let your mind pick a fight without you
Mental models: The invisible maps that shape our arguments
Are you sure you’re solving the same problem?
How to transform gravity problems in conflict resolution
Recalibration conversations
Break free from rowboating
Discover what you're really fighting about
Unpacking our stuck stories
Communicate better with looping
5 phrases to use when they raise their voice
Replay: What really matters
Can this single ingredient shield a relationship from conflict’s aftershocks?
Express disagreement amicably with these 5 phrases
Keep your wits during conflict with these cognitive distancing techniques
My favorite ways to gain insight into a conflict
You're not listening
3 problem-solving pitfalls that can derail conflict resolution
Venting anger: Why it doesn’t help and what to do instead
Discovering and managing conflict hooks, part 2
Discovering and managing your conflict hooks, part 1
Unburied empathy
Use these 5 phrases to air your grievances and get heard
Disagree better by asking great questions
25 ways to disagree better from 25 years of writing about conflict resolution
Identify a problem’s primary drivers with a relationship diagram
Getting through the day with a bit of grace
Stop rehearsing your stuck story
How to deal with stonewalling in a relationship at work or home
Don't bury anger's lede (replay)
The illusion of understanding
Get into their movie
A question to help ease suffering during conflict
Walk it out to work it out
A powerful way to change conflict habits
Generate more creative solutions with this question
Don’t avoid small fights
Ask this simple question to help regulate emotions
Sometimes it’s not a conversation that changes their mind
How to confront someone without seeming confrontational
Three essential components of highly effective listening
An upside to recurring conflict: Relational stress wood
The triviality trap
The foreseeable now
Be a better listener with this one crucial habit
A mindfulness technique for managing the urge to lash out
What happens *after* conflict resolution?
Ghost rules
Making the impossible possible
Anger resets
7 tried-and-true ways to safeguard the space between
Disagreeing in front of others? Take it offline
To reduce defensiveness, build up the social bond
Conflict resolution is like driving at night in the fog
Three threads at the heart of every argument
The non-comeback comeback after an insult
New name for the podcast
An alternative to perspective-taking when you want to reduce animosity
What is the real issue?
A conflict resolution mini-manifesto
Is a distancing spiral quietly damaging your important relationship?
Introducing QueryCards
When opinions contrast sharply, practice scales
Three alternatives to rumination after an argument
How to be truly helpful when someone is upset
On the importance of knowing what really matters
Behind every criticism is a wish
Break down listening barriers with these 4 questions
An uncomplicated way to reduce the pitfalls of emotional memories during conflict resolution
Five uncomplicated ways couples can turn arguments into discussions
3 reasons they won’t change their behavior–and what to do about it
5 ways to deal proactively with conflict while working from home during the coronavirus outbreak
Upstream conflict resolution
How to stop ruminating at night (other times too)
Spark a shift in perspective with this question
How to disagree better
Choosing the right conflict resolution tools
Every conflict contains a bid to be seen
How to influence the way people act during conflict
A way to turn anger into curiosity
Start with a small yes
Slow down and be the Bedouin
Do the next right thing
How to politely stop long-winded talkers
Avoid this common blunder when confronting difficult behavior
Control emotions better by labeling them
Blame vs contribution (and how to make the shift adroitly)
A lesson in compassion and understanding from a most annoying woman
Flip the problem to illuminate hidden solutions
4 handy principles for deciding when you can’t agree
Is the Einstellung effect interfering with your problem solving?
5 bad listening habits and how to break them
Doubt your conflict story
The type of problem that makes conflict resolution harder
A visualization for letting go of things you can’t change
3 ways to turn adversaries into problem-solving partners
How to express a concern without making things worse
Ask yourself this kind of question when an argument rattles you
Fighting in a relationship: The gift of anger
This common (but faulty) reasoning leads to bad decisions
5 impactful questions for handling difficult moments
Is the overconfidence effect sabotaging your communication?
An effortless way to discern others’ emotions
How to backpedal after saying the wrong thing
Can this key ingredient protect your marriage from relationship conflict?
The communication method that makes disagreements worse
The Picasso trick for better problem solving
When it seems trivial, pay close attention
You make me so angry!
4 quick techniques to help you think straight in an argument
The question that brings hamster wheel debates to a standstill
Future-proof an agreement with a premortem
Anxiety about a difficult conversation? Try this.
The space between
Why you should make a habit of repeating this question
A good way to overcome resistance
Fear is the enemy of apology
A surprisingly effective way to handle behavior problems
When negotiations get stuck, be sure you do this
Walking a mile in their shoes may not be such a good idea after all
A simple little technique for turning criticism into constructive feedback
5 counter-intuitive conflict resolution habits worth developing
How category errors make conflict harder to resolve
A super simple method for regaining self-control
When the win-win solution is obscure
Sweeping conflict under the rug
A remarkable tool for neutralizing the ravages of marital conflict
We could all use a Russell in our lives
De-escalate anger with this straightforward invitation
One intriguing reason blame feels hard to take
How to say no persuasively
2 smart principles for resolving everyday disagreements
Think with your hands for better problem solving
How to show you’re really listening without interrupting
Weaving the narrative of a conflict
Want someone to calm down? Don’t do this
How to ask questions like a pro
Want more self-control during conflict? Try appealing to your future self
How totalizing makes conflict more grueling
Kintsugi and the art of mending relationship conflict
5 impactful phrases to interrupt habitual yelling
When conflict is real but not true
Friction with a colleague? Ask for a favor
The key to handling arguments about respect
You want this mental device in your relationship conflict toolbox
The real message anger is trying to deliver
Be a better listener with these 3 everyday practices
30 seconds to better conflict resolution
The art of dealing with insults
How to navigate the “not my problem” problem
A quick little phrase to stop bickering in its tracks
5 uncomplicated ways to gain psychological distance during conflict (and why you should)
How starting a difficult conversation is like opening Fibber McGee’s closet
How to confront someone without being confrontational
A good rule of thumb when responding to difficult behavior
How to deal with difficult people
The secret to de-escalating loud, angry conflict
Conflict resolution terms defined
9 ways to defeat cognitive overload during conflict resolution
How “being with” is a powerful way to help
Learning from Maori tradition: Whakawhanaungatanga
Making peace with the conflict groan zone
The key ingredients of an effective apology
A loving letter to my mediation clients
When tension continues after conflict seems resolved
Overcoming resistance: Work with people, not on them
Want to influence behavior? Stop telling and ask this type of question instead
Overcoming an “empathy deficit” in conflict
One powerful way to help ease the suffering in conflict
Before you start solving a problem, be sure you do this
Keeping yourself (and others) out of conflict corners
Your memory about what happened is probably wrong
Quick to blame but slower to give credit? Beware of this thinking error
How to email someone after a falling out
Conflict resolution activities: A mental trick for getting out of our own way
One ridiculously simple way to be more persuasive