Illuminating Anorexia & Eating Disorder Recovery

The one thing that has been most transformative in my healing journey from anorexia has been the ongoing, unfolding and deepening revelation of the love of the Father (God) for me. This revelation is available to every hungry heart. As spiritual truth gets “fleshed out” in our experience of life it heals and transforms us […]

I have just received the news that a friend’s niece has passed from medical complications after a long battle with anorexia. My heart breaks…I have no words….for you who loved her…and for she whom you loved. But I want to stand with you in this moment. In silence more than anything. To acknowledge your immense […]

Understanding and experiencing the Love of the Father* has been one of the most profound and significant keys to helping me overcome the fear and striving at the heart of my anorexia. Sinking the roots of my being into this Love helps me manage all the ways anxiety continues to show up in my life […]

Late last year I had a dream that brought home to me in a powerful way the preciousness of each individual life, and fuelled within me a desire to let every individual to know how precious they are, how much they are loved and how much their life matters. May this truth blossom in your […]

Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a life that […]

Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a […]

Wherever you are, whatever space you find yourself in, may your heart be encouraged, you are not beyond hope, you are not beyond help. Nothing is impossible with the God who loves you. If you feel exhausted, defeated, hopeless or despairing, I pray you experience His grace reaching in and taking hold of you, lifting […]

No matter how long you’ve been struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, you can get free of the attitudes and behaviours that keep you feeling stuck, hopeless and despairing. You can get off the food and weight control treadmill and recover your life. Hear the stories of four women experiencing this transformation in […]

Chelsea, 19, struggled with anorexia in her mid teens followed by a period of binge-eating and purging, which is not an uncommon experience in the recovery process from anorexia. In this podcast she speaks with Michelle about recovery, finding her way back to balance and discovering more peace and self acceptance. “Finding balance” Chelsea says […]

Chelsea, 19, struggled with anorexia in her mid teens followed by a period of binge-eating and purging, which is not an uncommon experience in the recovery process from anorexia. In this podcast she speaks with Michelle about recovery, finding her way back to balance and discovering more peace and self acceptance. “Finding balance” Chelsea says […]

Jeanne, 51, has struggled with disordered eating for decades. In this podcast she talks with Michelle Sparkes about finding hope and freedom from behaviors she thought she would have to live with. You can watch a video of the interview here : https://youtu.be/wZaNw_LzJdM [email protected]

Freda, 38, has struggled with anorexia and disordered eating for 19 years. In this podcast she talks about the process of finding freedom from the obsessive thoughts and rules that circumscribed her life until recently. You can watch a video of the interview here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMV-qqqlXs [email protected]

Kate is a 42 year old mother of two who struggled for decades with restrictive eating and over-exercise. In this podcast she talks with Michelle about discovering a sense of freedom that she says is “hard to put into words unless you experience it – it’s just a sigh of relief that overwhelms you.” This […]

The fear that drives us down the scales and into the self-destructive behaviours characteristic of anorexia and other eating disorders can grow into a terror that is difficult to articulate. I believe there is a spiritual dimension to this fear, that it grows from the seeds of lies believed in the crucible of life experience […]

I believe at the heart of an eating disorder lies a deep-seated hunger for acceptance and security. How we see our “self” and what we believe about our worth, value and entitlement (to life, nurture and good things) are critical issues in both the development of, and recovery from, an eating disorder. In this podcast […]

Have you ever felt deeply distressed, inconsolable or highly anxious? Right now in my country we’re grappling with the devastating impact of catastrophic bushfires. Closer to home my dearly loved mum is suffering and in decline. It got me thinking about comfort; it got me thinking about you. When we experience distressing emotions (as we […]

  I got caught in an ocean current on the weekend and it got me thinking how quickly we can go from being in control (“I’m okay”) to being out of control (“I’m in danger”). The slide from disordered or unhealthy (even sub-optimal) eating patterns and behaviours into a full blown eating disorder can happen […]

Paralysing fear. Feeling stuck and terrified. Afraid to make a “wrong” decision; afraid to make any decision. Acute anxiety is a major feature of anorexia and something most of us will relate to in some measure. Even when you’re recovered from anorexia (as I am), there are times when situations trigger that old emotional response. […]

When we are locked in the self hatred of the eating disorder ‘cage’ we need to experience ourselves as seen, known, understood, worthwhile, valuable, loved. Even when and especially in the midst of our most acute struggles. For me the heart of the Christmas message is about this. The sound quality of this audio is […]

When it comes to communicating around a difficult situation or personal challenge I find the following piece of wisdom most helpful.

What do you say to two brave women now both in their 40s, struggling to stay ‘well enough’ to stay out of hospital after a long journey with anorexia, both traumatised by previous hospital admissions and struggling to know who to trust and where to turn. This is my response. I welcome your feedback and […]

A listener requests help “not to revert back to old bad habits” and to learn to eat when hungry. Here are some thoughts.  Feel free to email your questions to: [email protected]

I recently asked people what their greatest challenge or concern was when it came to their struggle in the ED/DE landscape. One respondent asked how to combat her fear of gaining weight when she “knew she must.” It got me thinking about the importance of compassion. If you are scared of gaining weight but know […]

When we explore what’s going on inside us in the lead up to a binge it helps makes ‘sense’ of our behaviour; our bingeing feels less mindless and out of control; we can view our situation with more curiosity and ourselves with more compassion. This in turn helps us consider what alternatives there may be […]

Bingeing isn’t just (or even mostly) about physical hunger, although if we’re not giving our body sufficient food on a regular basis we will certainly binge. Bingeing is primarily about emotional hunger. Emotional hunger starts us on the journey of restricting and continues to drive us (whether we’re eating regularly or not) until we do […]

There are a number of things to embody and embrace (skills to learn, knowledge to apply) to get free from disordered eating behaviours and beliefs but at the heart of it all, I believe there are 3 pillars that are foundational to living a life that is whole and free… “Value is your birthright, your […]

If embodying value is the first pillar to freedom from disordered eating; experiencing your body as home (not object) is the second…and they are intimately connected…listen here for more.

Here are three things that can help you value yourself in ways that are life-affirming and health promoting: Understand your intrinsic worth and value Reflect on what you value in others Spend (more) time in the company of those people

We binge because we’re hungry –physically, emotionally, spiritually We binge because we’ve been restricting – possibly even starving ourselves – of nurture – physical and emotional We restrict because we believe we don’t deserve (more food, love, affection, belonging) – or that we should be different somehow (better, perfect) – and until then, we’ll keep […]

If you struggle with disordered eating, self and body concerns 3 key things you will need to recover a life worth living are compassion, curiosity and support. Listen here for more…

Dear Carer you are a lifeline to the one you love. I know it can be tremendously challenging to watch someone you love restricting, starving, bingeing, purging or punishing their body. You KNOW these behaviours do not produce health, well-being or happiness. How can you assist your loved one move away from damaging behaviours and […]

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or discouraged by an eating disorder ‘label’ or diagnosis this podcast will help you see that you are not alone, unusual or beyond help…and if you need more encouragement or ‘hard evidence’ get hold of my free ebook and begin your journey to freedom.

When pain comes our way it is natural to protect against it. And a very understandable way to protect against pain directed at the self or experienced within the self, is to try and control it. Food/body/weight control in this respect make ‘sense’ because it gives us a tangible way to make ourselves feel more […]

Freedom from disordered eating comes as we cease food restrictions and nurture body and soul. The first step on our road to freedom requires that we SEE that our current disordered eating behaviours, although originally well-intentioned, will never take us where we want to go. They will never bring us the inner peace, self acceptance […]

What happens when the drive for health becomes unhealthy? asks Jenny Brockie, host of SBS Insight, as she explores our nations “health obsession” with a roomful of people and three 20+ year olds struggling to recover from disordered eating and eating disorders. As I watched the show I found myself reflecting on the power of […]

“Could it be that depression is not purely a physical sickness but a spiritual malaise?” asks Elizabeth Farrelly in her article, “Finding the black dog’s spiritual lead” (The Sydney Morning Herald, 26-27 August 2017 , p.30). “Perhaps we should see it less a personal issue than a societal indictment, less a treatable pathology than a […]

More than just feeling down, clinical depression is a serious mental health condition that affects the way people feel, think, and react to general daily activities, such as eating, sleeping, or working. In Australia one-in-seven people will experience clinical depression in their lifetime and globally the number is one-in-five. Predicted to be the second leading cause of world disability by 2020, and the largest contributor to disease burden by 2030, clinical depression (also known as Major Depressive Disorder or MDD) is a complex disorder that occurs more commonly within families, and typically results from a combination of both genetic and environmental influences. Right now in Australia leading researchers are investigating the genetic factors that contribute to clinical depression in order to tailor treatments that are effective for individuals. If you are aged 18+ and have been treated (or are currently being treated) for clinical depression you can help by taking part in the genetics of depression study. Details below. Today I had the pleasure of speaking with Prof Ian Hickie AM about depression, the genetics of depression study, the link between depression and anxiety, the relationship between depression, anxiety and eating disorders, and the protective factors so relevant for all of us as we navigate together the terrain of 21st century living. Prof Hickie had so many good things to say, among them:- The most important protective factor in promoting and supporting good mental health is social connection. “We all need quality relationships; people in our lives that we have real, meaningful connections with, ” says Prof Hickie. Physical activity and managing wake/sleep cycles are additionally important. Psychological strategies, relaxation, mindfulness and yoga can all be helpful but they don’t work equally well for all of us. “What’s important,” says Prof Hickie, “is thinking about what personally works best for us.” Having a better understanding of ourselves is vital but so too is reflecting on how do we all cope together. Re-establishing the value of connections when they’re not formally organised by church and community groups or sporting clubs is important. Taking the time and effort to do this. For young people this is an issue. “You need connections at all stages of your life,” says Prof Hickie, “but you particularly need rich connections when you’re young. You need to see different role models, you need to see how different people cope, you need to have the opportunity to learn from many different people. So these are big issues for us. How do we do this well in the modern era?” The adverse effects of not doing this well he says are mainly played out in our younger people. “They’re the ones mostly affected. We’re seeing worrying trends in self harm and suicide, particularly at the moment in young women, which suggests loss of connection and some additional pressures. So it’s not just a question of how we cope on our own but together. How do we best cope together? I think that’s really one of the most important sets of issues.” To listen to the full interview press play. To learn more, or to register for the study: Visit www.geneticsofdepression.org.au Email [email protected] Freecall 1800 257 179

Great to be back in the podcasting seat! I’ve been offline piloting the 4×4 Freedom Express and really enjoying the face to face interaction involved.  I believe human connection is more needed now than ever to promote health and well BEing in our fast-paced, low-grace, digitally-connected world. One thing I’ve noticed over the last few […]

I traveled through an eating disorder in my teen and early adult years (as illustrated) and lost ~ 15 years of my life spinning my wheels on the eating disorder treadmill because I couldn’t SEE what I was dealing with or why I was struggling and I didn’t have the knowledge, skills or support to […]

In the last episode I was saying that in my experience of anorexia prior to my hospital admission, I had become enmeshed, hyper-vigilant and ‘trigger-happy’ in my family environment. I was physically and emotionally starving but could not receive the nurture that existed in the relationships around me. Admission to hospital was the beginning of […]

When you have fallen for, and are isolated by the lie that you are not worthy or good enough you need to reach out…to connections that can affirm, nurture, and encourage YOU. It’s important to say here that anorexia itself isolates a person and lies to them about their worth and value in such a […]

Self and body acceptance go hand in glove. The message of EMBRACE may be a challenge for the young(er) person struggling with anorexia or ED because when we’re struggling in this space, our sense of self as “unacceptable” can go very deep. Without a doubt we need to see and celebrate more diverse body shapes […]

Embrace is a wonderful documentary (film) that celebrates body shape, size, and ethnic diversity. The brainchild of Taryn Brumfitt, a wife and mother of 3 who almost went under the knife in her quest to overcome body loathing, the message she brings goes beyond acceptance to embracing the skin you’re in whatever your shape, size, […]

Gaining weight from a low weight may be possible in an outpatient setting if a person is not critically unwell. If a person can make progress with the support of a doctor, dietician and therapist in an outpatient setting, fantastic. If not it simply means more intensive support is required. (See previous podcast notes for […]

To recover from anorexia a person will need to confront their fear of food and eating; their fear of getting fat and losing control. It’s a huge challenge because the semi-starvation diet of an anorectic CREATES the food obsessions and inflexible, polarised thinking that make seeking recovery so difficult. Fear drives anorexia; and the anorectic […]

“Pornified messages are bombarding our young people and giving them distorted ideas about their bodies, about relationships, and about sexuality,” says Melinda Tankard Reist, in this podcast interview, “According to global research, (this is) making our kids very unwell.” We are seeing a rise in negative physical and mental health outcomes, eating disorders, anxiety and […]

Grace, a podcast listener asks, “Do you have any insight on the impacts of not only the media, but porn as well. For the folks in relationships (I am married, second time around) is it such an issue for most people with ED?  I recently found a great deal of it on a computer history […]

This series is designed to inspire you and help you dream again; to recover the hopes and aspirations deep inside you that may have got lost in your battle with an ED. When your eyes are cast down, lost in the life-consuming territory of an ED, you need a vision of the future that will […]

When the ED voice (the bully in your head) is making it hard or impossible for you to take in the nurture you need to survive and thrive you need help.  You need other people to come alongside you and help you fight the lies and the fear that paralyses you SO THAT you can […]

When you’re fighting anorexia, you become afraid to eat. The terror of losing control and getting fat is REAL and is created by the eating disorder itself.  I want to tell you, food is not your enemy; the fear of food and what it can do to you is your enemy.  The ED voice lies […]