Illuminating Anorexia & Eating Disorder Recovery

The one thing that has been most transformative in my healing journey from anorexia has been the ongoing, unfolding and deepening revelation of the love of the Father (God) for me. This revelation is available to every hungry heart. As spiritual truth gets “fleshed out” in our experience of life it heals and transforms us from the inside out. How does this happen? In this podcast I unpack and explore this process and invite you to consider my findings from your own perspective. Your questions and comments are welcome: [email protected]

I have just received the news that a friend’s niece has passed from medical complications after a long battle with anorexia. My heart breaks…I have no words….for you who loved her…and for she whom you loved. But I want to stand with you in this moment. In silence more than anything. To acknowledge your immense pain and suffering. To acknowledge her immense pain and suffering. To honour the life of she who has passed. She who struggled so strenuously and for so long against such an incredibly difficult dis-ease and insidiously destructive dis-order. I stand with you in acknowledgment…and in solidarity. I grieve with you, and for you, in your loss. I hold onto a hope that I accept you may not feel or even want to entertain in this moment. That death is not the end. That Love never fails. I hold onto that hope for you and for your loved one. Despite all. I stand with you. I see you…but not nearly as well or as compassionately or as helpfully as He who created you and your loved one…He who knows each hair of your head and hers, and every breath that you and she breathed, He who loves you both in a way beyond description. May He fill you with a hope for yourself and for your loved one in a way that seems impossible in the darkness. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

Understanding and experiencing the Love of the Father* has been one of the most profound and significant keys to helping me overcome the fear and striving at the heart of my anorexia. Sinking the roots of my being into this Love helps me manage all the ways anxiety continues to show up in my life today. If this content resonates with you and you would like to explore these ideas further feel free to contact me at: [email protected] *The way I speak of the Father reflects my beliefs and experience from a Judeo-Christian worldview.

Late last year I had a dream that brought home to me in a powerful way the preciousness of each individual life, and fuelled within me a desire to let every individual to know how precious they are, how much they are loved and how much their life matters. May this truth blossom in your heart and lead you to a life that is free and flourishing. Note: For some reason the podcast player below isn’t playing this episode. Click the relevant link to hear this podcast on Apple Podcast or Spotify Podcast or listen on your preferred podcast hosting platform.

Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a life that is free and flourishing has been a longer one. And it continues. In this podcast and the last, I want to share a recent experience that illustrates how this journey into freedom has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor in apprehending the freedom I experience today. To help clarify what I mean by recovery and freedom : to me recovery means no longer using food and body/weight/shape control to deal with difficult emotions and life's many challenges; freedom goes beyond recovery to incorporate the experience of living with a heart at peace, a healthy acceptance of self and body, no longer striving, driving or bending ones self out of shape to be something one is not or to please others but rather living from a deep core sense of well-BEing.  For more information go to: michellesparkes.com

Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a life that is free and flourishing has been a longer one. And it continues. In this podcast and the next I want to share a recent experience that illustrates how this journey into freedom has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor in apprehending the freedom I experience today. To help clarify what I mean by recovery and freedom : to me recovery means no longer using food and body/weight/shape control to deal with difficult emotions and life's many challenges; freedom goes beyond recovery to incorporate the experience of living with a heart at peace, a healthy acceptance of self and body, no longer striving, driving or bending ones self out of shape to be something one is not or to please others but rather living from a deep core sense of well-BEing.  For more information go to: michellesparkes.com

Wherever you are, whatever space you find yourself in, may your heart be encouraged, you are not beyond hope, you are not beyond help. Nothing is impossible with the God who loves you. If you feel exhausted, defeated, hopeless or despairing, I pray you experience His grace reaching in and taking hold of you, lifting you up and out of the miry clay, the stuck places, the hopeless spaces. I pray you experience His truth strengthening your bones, bringing surety to your steps, bringing peace to your heart despite the challenges you face. Hope and help, natural and supernatural. For me the help of the Helper has been the one thing that has made the biggest difference. Again and again. 

No matter how long you’ve been struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, you can get free of the attitudes and behaviours that keep you feeling stuck, hopeless and despairing. You can get off the food and weight control treadmill and recover your life. Hear the stories of four women experiencing this transformation in remarkably short periods of time. If you are ready take action, reach out: michellesparkes.com

Chelsea, 19, struggled with anorexia in her mid teens followed by a period of binge-eating and purging, which is not an uncommon experience in the recovery process from anorexia. In this podcast she speaks with Michelle about recovery, finding her way back to balance and discovering more peace and self acceptance. “Finding balance” Chelsea says “has been such a beautiful journey and not just in the sense that I have more peace with myself, I actually feel like I am more myself.” This is part 2 of a 2 part interview.

Chelsea, 19, struggled with anorexia in her mid teens followed by a period of binge-eating and purging, which is not an uncommon experience in the recovery process from anorexia. In this podcast she speaks with Michelle about recovery, finding her way back to balance and discovering more peace and self acceptance. “Finding balance” Chelsea says “has been such a beautiful journey and not just in the sense that I have more peace with myself, I actually feel like I am more myself.” This is part 1 of a 2 part interview.

Jeanne, 51, has struggled with disordered eating for decades. In this podcast she talks with Michelle Sparkes about finding hope and freedom from behaviors she thought she would have to live with. You can watch a video of the interview here : https://youtu.be/wZaNw_LzJdM [email protected]

Freda, 38, has struggled with anorexia and disordered eating for 19 years. In this podcast she talks about the process of finding freedom from the obsessive thoughts and rules that circumscribed her life until recently. You can watch a video of the interview here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMV-qqqlXs [email protected]

Kate is a 42 year old mother of two who struggled for decades with restrictive eating and over-exercise. In this podcast she talks with Michelle about discovering a sense of freedom that she says is “hard to put into words unless you experience it – it’s just a sigh of relief that overwhelms you.” This is Kate’s story. For more information visit michellesparkes.com

The fear that drives us down the scales and into the self-destructive behaviours characteristic of anorexia and other eating disorders can grow into a terror that is difficult to articulate. I believe there is a spiritual dimension to this fear, that it grows from the seeds of lies believed in the crucible of life experience that lead us to view ourselves as deficient and defective, not good enough and needing to “be different” or to “do more” in order to shore up the acceptance, love, security or support we crave. In this podcast I explore the spiritual dimension of this fear and comment on what I have found helpful in my own experience of overcoming this fear. My hope is that this may be helpful to the person battling fear right now in the midst of their eating disorder or to that one who has journeyed beyond disordered eating behaviours but finds old fears re-emerging in present circumstances. “Perfect (unconditional) love drives out fear” and “he who fears has not yet been made perfect in love”…we are all on this journey.

I believe at the heart of an eating disorder lies a deep-seated hunger for acceptance and security. How we see our “self” and what we believe about our worth, value and entitlement (to life, nurture and good things) are critical issues in both the development of, and recovery from, an eating disorder. In this podcast I share some thoughts about this spiritual dimension. I welcome your feedback and questions. [email protected]

Have you ever felt deeply distressed, inconsolable or highly anxious? Right now in my country we’re grappling with the devastating impact of catastrophic bushfires. Closer to home my dearly loved mum is suffering and in decline. It got me thinking about comfort; it got me thinking about you. When we experience distressing emotions (as we do when we struggle with an eating disorder), we need comfort. Comfort that soothes and settles, that brings peace to our soul and fosters hope for the future.

I got caught in an ocean current on the weekend and it got me thinking how quickly we can go from being in control (“I’m okay”) to being out of control (“I’m in danger”). The slide from disordered or unhealthy (even sub-optimal) eating patterns and behaviours into a full blown eating disorder can happen quickly. What are the warning signs and do you know how close you are to the ‘edge’? Here’s some thoughts for you. Love to hear from you if you have feedback, questions or concerns. [email protected]

Paralysing fear. Feeling stuck and terrified. Afraid to make a “wrong” decision; afraid to make any decision. Acute anxiety is a major feature of anorexia and something most of us will relate to in some measure. Even when you’re recovered from anorexia (as I am), there are times when situations trigger that old emotional response. So what can we do when we experience paralysing fear? Here are a few thoughts. I welcome your feedback, questions or comments. Contact me here www.michellesparkes.com/support

When we are locked in the self hatred of the eating disorder ‘cage’ we need to experience ourselves as seen, known, understood, worthwhile, valuable, loved. Even when and especially in the midst of our most acute struggles. For me the heart of the Christmas message is about this. The sound quality of this audio is poor and I apologise for that but I believe someone out there needs to hear this message of hope today. Big hugs to you. 

When it comes to communicating around a difficult situation or personal challenge I find the following piece of wisdom most helpful: “He who seeks good finds goodwill (favour)” Proverbs 11:29 Attitude is everything. When we approach a difficult communication situation with the attitude that we are “seeking good” – to understand the other, to communicate with respect, to take responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and behaviours, to find a good way forward for both parties – we will find “goodwill” or  favour. Here are 7 simple principals and strategies that expand on this one key idea: Seek to understand the other. Ask open questions – can you tell me what’s going on for you? Listen, re-state (what you’ve heard, is it what was intended), respond Use “I” language – don’t blame the other, take responsibility for your own feelings, thoughts and behaviours – when X happened, I felt Y, I would prefer Z – can we talk about this Stay open but guard your heart if the other is unable to take responsibility for their feelings, thoughts and behaviours Remember we are all a work in progress – we all carry within us a world and history that is complex, layered and unseen but we share similar fears, desires and needs Treat each other with respect – the way you yourself would like to be treated. The ‘golden rule’ (seek good; treat each other with respect) never goes out of fashion.

What do you say to two brave women now both in their 40s, struggling to stay ‘well enough’ to stay out of hospital after a long journey with anorexia, both traumatised by previous hospital admissions and struggling to know who to trust and where to turn. This is my response. I welcome your feedback and questions, and, as mentioned in the podcast, here are the links to the resources promised: Prof Stephen Touyz : Presentation. Michelle Sparkes : Anchoring Worth and Value VIDEO Teaching

A listener requests help “not to revert back to old bad habits” and to learn to eat when hungry. Here are some thoughts.  Feel free to email your questions to: [email protected]

I recently asked people what their greatest challenge or concern was when it came to their struggle in the ED/DE landscape. One respondent asked how to combat her fear of gaining weight when she “knew she must.” It got me thinking about the importance of compassion. If you are scared of gaining weight but know you need to the following two podcasts will help you move forward: Coping with weight gain 1  Coping with weight gain 2 But beyond this, a word on COMPASSION. When we experience understanding and genuine compassion from others we become more SELF-compassionate and this helps shift our motivation from what [this person described as] needing harsh “force” to change, to accepting a kinder, gentler, more supportive and internally-guided rhythm and pace to change. This shift from what feels like exterior to internal motivation takes TIME. So be gentle with yourself and if you are struggling to practice self compassion seek out others who can model compassion TO you

When we explore what’s going on inside us in the lead up to a binge it helps makes ‘sense’ of our behaviour; our bingeing feels less mindless and out of control; we can view our situation with more curiosity and ourselves with more compassion. This in turn helps us consider what alternatives there may be for us next time and whether there are deeper issues or challenges we might need to work on. It can be particularly helpful to explore the binge with someone who is willing to listen without judgement and help us unpack and process our experience in a safe way (this will most likely be a trained counsellor, however a good and trusted friend can also be a great help). In this podcast I look at how this ‘modelling’ reflects back to us the worth and value so important to our recovery. If you need help with this, I can help you. [email protected]

Bingeing isn’t just (or even mostly) about physical hunger, although if we’re not giving our body sufficient food on a regular basis we will certainly binge. Bingeing is primarily about emotional hunger. Emotional hunger starts us on the journey of restricting and continues to drive us (whether we’re eating regularly or not) until we do something about it. If we want to stop bingeing, we must attend to the emotional hunger (the challenging self experience) driving it.

There are a number of things to embody and embrace (skills to learn, knowledge to apply) to get free from disordered eating behaviours and beliefs but at the heart of it all, I believe there are 3 pillars that are foundational to living a life that is whole and free… “Value is your birthright, your body is your home, and in a world of uncertainty you can experience a security deep within that will set you free from the dis-ease at the heart of disordered eating.”  Michelle Sparkes

If embodying value is the first pillar to freedom from disordered eating; experiencing your body as home (not object) is the second…and they are intimately connected…listen here for more.

Here are three things that can help you value yourself in ways that are life-affirming and health promoting: Understand your intrinsic worth and value Reflect on what you value in others Spend (more) time in the company of those people

We binge because we’re hungry –physically, emotionally, spiritually We binge because we’ve been restricting – possibly even starving ourselves – of nurture – physical and emotional We restrict because we believe we don’t deserve (more food, love, affection, belonging) – or that we should be different somehow (better, perfect) – and until then, we’ll keep on the job of improving, perfecting, remodelling Only we never arrive because perfection is impossible and external achievements cannot satisfy the heart’s hunger…to know and to rest in the truth that we are Loved, valued, chosen, special Regardless of our appearance, weight, performance, status, age, gender, occupation, ability or disability We all hunger – we may not all binge on food (although many of us do) – but we all hunger- and we all try and quench that hunger in different ways. So how can we stop bingeing on food? Understand bingeing is about hunger – physical, emotional, spiritual You will need to feed your body – regularly and appropriately – to deal with your normal physiological hunger. If you keep restricting, you will keep bingeing/losing control. Guaranteed. At the same time as you attempt to feed your body – regularly and appropriately – you will need to keep track of the situations and interactions that make it hard for you to do this –the emotional (thinking/feeling) and situational triggers that are driving your behaviours. You will need to be curious about and problem solve around these triggers – you may need the help of another person to explore and process what’s going on for you and how you can manage these challenge(s) in more health-full ways. You will need to feed your soul (with beauty, joy, connection – in ways that are meaningful to you) and anchor your spirit into the eternal truths of your worth and value. You will need to keep doing this for as long as it takes for you to feel like you’re living your life from the inside out – not driven by externals and other people’s opinions, but from a true and embodied sense of your God-given worth and value, a respect for yourself and others, and a desire to live from your heart, the best life possible. All these elements are unpacked more fully in the 4×4 Freedom Express (Guided Recovery) Program. Questions and feedback welcome.  

If you struggle with disordered eating, self and body concerns 3 key things you will need to recover a life worth living are compassion, curiosity and support. Listen here for more…

Dear Carer you are a lifeline to the one you love. I know it can be tremendously challenging to watch someone you love restricting, starving, bingeing, purging or punishing their body. You KNOW these behaviours do not produce health, well-being or happiness. How can you assist your loved one move away from damaging behaviours and towards healing and recovery? Here are 3 key thoughts to help keep the ‘lifeline’ of communication open between you and your older teen.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed or discouraged by an eating disorder ‘label’ or diagnosis this podcast will help you see that you are not alone, unusual or beyond help…and if you need more encouragement or ‘hard evidence’ get hold of my free ebook and begin your journey to freedom.

When pain comes our way it is natural to protect against it. And a very understandable way to protect against pain directed at the self or experienced within the self, is to try and control it. Food/body/weight control in this respect make ‘sense’ because it gives us a tangible way to make ourselves feel more acceptable, competent and in control. Initially it seems to work and we may receive a lot of positive reinforcement from family, friends and the culture at large (for being ‘successful’, exercising more ‘discipline,’ making ‘healthier’ food choices etcetera), BUT if we continue to rely on this strategy to deal with the ongoing challenges and stressors of life, our ‘solution’ can quickly spiral out of control and create the problem of disordered eating or an eating disorder. Miche’s Model illustrates this process. To view the model &/or to read more about it check out Illuminating Eating Disorder Recovery.

Freedom from disordered eating comes as we cease food restrictions and nurture body and soul. The first step on our road to freedom requires that we SEE that our current disordered eating behaviours, although originally well-intentioned, will never take us where we want to go. They will never bring us the inner peace, self acceptance and security we crave. Illuminating Eating Disorder Recovery (ebook) exists to illuminate this truth because it empowers us to make new choices in the days ahead; to let go of outmoded, unhelpful behaviours and attitudes towards food, body and self, and to find new ways to manage the ongoing challenges and stressors of life. You can’t get free from a cage you can’t see. Illuminating Eating Disorder Recovery (ebook) is available from Amazon for FREE for a limited time. 

What happens when the drive for health becomes unhealthy? asks Jenny Brockie, host of SBS Insight, as she explores our nations “health obsession” with a roomful of people and three 20+ year olds struggling to recover from disordered eating and eating disorders. As I watched the show I found myself reflecting on the power of the fathers hug to bring soothing and rest to a heart of anxiety. When a heart is anxious and troubled, what helps settle that is to be held, to be hugged by someone who loves us, who cares for us, whose heart and intention is good towards us. This settles our anxious heart. It helps us to rest and be at peace and from this base (of peace), to make decisions and choices that lead to better outcomes, healthier responses rather than fearful reactions….and more disordered eating. What drives the movement from health to unhealth? Fear. Fear that rides on the coattails of lies believed. You’re not good enough. So you… try harder, do better, be thinner, be healthier, exercise more (self and body) control. And you chase your tail down the slippery slope of disordered eating into a full-blown eating disorder because the anxiety and need to exercise control does not abate, it increases. This is the nature of eating disorders. To feel driven, compelled, pushed. To lose the freedom to CHOOSE. To become isolated, withdrawn, dis-connected. Oh but the healing power in the fathers embrace. To be seen, known, loved, valued. Irrespective of our struggles. Perfection not expected. Strong arms and a warm heart that embrace and impart a sense of shelter from the storm, safety, security, protection, support. Not your experience? I understand. Our experience shapes but does not define us. Your true worth and value stand regardless of your experience (like a $100 bill that’s been trampled and spat on but is still worth $100). And there is One who sees and knows and loves you. Does not expect perfection. Knows it’s impossible. Understands your anxious heart. Longs to embrace you. Face to face. Eye to eye. To find yourself known, loved, safe, secure (though the mountains fall and the earth may change), even then. Such comfort, such peace to impart to a troubled heart. I have found such peace in the Father’s hug.  

“Could it be that depression is not purely a physical sickness but a spiritual malaise?” asks Elizabeth Farrelly in her article, “Finding the black dog’s spiritual lead” (The Sydney Morning Herald, 26-27 August 2017 , p.30). “Perhaps we should see it less a personal issue than a societal indictment, less a treatable pathology than a spur to spiritual recovery.” I believe the same pondering and reflections could be directed towards the field of eating disorders/disordered eating and indeed, all of mental health. Prof Ian Hickie spoke (in the last podcast), of the protective factor of social connection in mental health and how loss of this over the last 50 years is “one of the most important sets of issues,” for us to consider as we seek to improve mental health and “best cope together” with the challenges of 21st century living. Elizabeth Farrelly writes of the complexity of the mind-body interaction and questions the way modern medicine resolves this by ‘pretending it’s all physical.’ But, she says, “we still don’t know how atoms and molecules generate laughter and poetry. We see that a connection exists, but not how it works, or why.” I love this and concur. There is a place for mystery, for wonder, for the exploration of spirit and the Divine. A sacred place. A hunger that science cannot fill;  a thirst that lies deep in our soul. I believe exploring this spiritual dimension is key to our recovery from disordered eating and other mental health challenges. I include an exploration of the spiritual dimension in my work (where invited) and in my model of eating disorder development and recovery. To view the model and see how I work with eating disorders, click here. To watch a video exploring the Spiritual Dimension in Anorexia and Eating Disorder Recovery (included as an optional extra in the 4×4 Freedom Express), click here. Questions and feedback welcome.

More than just feeling down, clinical depression is a serious mental health condition that affects the way people feel, think, and react to general daily activities, such as eating, sleeping, or working. In Australia one-in-seven people will experience clinical depression in their lifetime and globally the number is one-in-five. Predicted to be the second leading cause of world disability by 2020, and the largest contributor to disease burden by 2030, clinical depression (also known as Major Depressive Disorder or MDD) is a complex disorder that occurs more commonly within families, and typically results from a combination of both genetic and environmental influences. Right now in Australia leading researchers are investigating the genetic factors that contribute to clinical depression in order to tailor treatments that are effective for individuals. If you are aged 18+ and have been treated (or are currently being treated) for clinical depression you can help by taking part in the genetics of depression study. Details below. Today I had the pleasure of speaking with Prof Ian Hickie AM about depression, the genetics of depression study, the link between depression and anxiety, the relationship between depression, anxiety and eating disorders, and the protective factors so relevant for all of us as we navigate together the terrain of 21st century living. Prof Hickie had so many good things to say, among them:- The most important protective factor in promoting and supporting good mental health is social connection. “We all need quality relationships; people in our lives that we have real, meaningful connections with, ” says Prof Hickie. Physical activity and managing wake/sleep cycles are additionally important. Psychological strategies, relaxation, mindfulness and yoga can all be helpful but they don’t work equally well for all of us. “What’s important,” says Prof Hickie, “is thinking about what personally works best for us.” Having a better understanding of ourselves is vital but so too is reflecting on how do we all cope together. Re-establishing the value of connections when they’re not formally organised by church and community groups or sporting clubs is important. Taking the time and effort to do this. For young people this is an issue. “You need connections at all stages of your life,” says Prof Hickie, “but you particularly need rich connections when you’re young. You need to see different role models, you need to see how different people cope, you need to have the opportunity to learn from many different people. So these are big issues for us. How do we do this well in the modern era?” The adverse effects of not doing this well he says are mainly played out in our younger people. “They’re the ones mostly affected. We’re seeing worrying trends in self harm and suicide, particularly at the moment in young women, which suggests loss of connection and some additional pressures. So it’s not just a question of how we cope on our own but together. How do we best cope together? I think that’s really one of the most important sets of issues.” To listen to the full interview press play. To learn more, or to register for the study: Visit www.geneticsofdepression.org.au Email [email protected] Freecall 1800 257 179

Great to be back in the podcasting seat! I’ve been offline piloting the 4×4 Freedom Express and really enjoying the face to face interaction involved.  I believe human connection is more needed now than ever to promote health and well BEing in our fast-paced, low-grace, digitally-connected world. One thing I’ve noticed over the last few months is a growing number of Japanese listeners to the podcast. I’m humbled, honored and intrigued. I’d love to hear your questions and concerns. In this podcast I chat about the cultural matrix in which we sit and how this influences our sense of self and entitlement. With respect to my Japanese listeners (and indeed all my listeners), I’d be honored to hear from you.

I traveled through an eating disorder in my teen and early adult years (as illustrated) and lost ~ 15 years of my life spinning my wheels on the eating disorder treadmill because I couldn’t SEE what I was dealing with or why I was struggling and I didn’t have the knowledge, skills or support to get free or get through that territory more quickly. I lost a lot of time, health and opportunity as a result and it’s made me passionate and committed to helping others not do the same. Food is the symptom not the heart of an eating disorder. If you need help get on touch : [email protected]

In the last episode I was saying that in my experience of anorexia prior to my hospital admission, I had become enmeshed, hyper-vigilant and ‘trigger-happy’ in my family environment. I was physically and emotionally starving but could not receive the nurture that existed in the relationships around me. Admission to hospital was the beginning of a shift for me. I experienced myself in new relationships in a new way. The anorectic defence began to loosen and as it did I began to binge. This horrified me. But the reaction of the hospital staff to my binges, so different to my own, started to challenge the lie that my worth and value (and right to take up space) was based purely upon my ability to exercise perfect self control . It was a seismic shift and it allowed other little specks of light and truth to penetrate the layered mesh of lies that had become entrenched with my anorexia. You can read more about this experience in Illuminating Anorexia. Questions and feedback welcome. [email protected] @mp_sparkes

When you have fallen for, and are isolated by the lie that you are not worthy or good enough you need to reach out…to connections that can affirm, nurture, and encourage YOU. It’s important to say here that anorexia itself isolates a person and lies to them about their worth and value in such a way that they cannot receive the nurture that may in fact be available in the relationships closest to them. To mums and dads and other caretakers who are watching on I did not mean to imply in the last episode that your lack of care is the reason your son or daughter is struggling. The journey into the web of anorexia is not that simple or linear. One of the main reasons I wrote Illuminating Anorexia in 2012 was to underscore this fact and to highlight the way anorexia itself lies to, and isolates a person. Roger Slade says “Starvation has the effect of removing people psychologically and physiologically from the situation in which they first decided to control their food intake.”[1] This is important to understand. The more entrenched my anorexia became the less able I was to accurately perceive and judge situations. My thinking became increasingly polarised and irrational (a known consequence of starvation). It was like I was looking out at my world (and particularly my family) through layer upon layer of misperception. The slightest hint of disapproval in a gesture or expression from my parents could elicit in me feelings of extreme guilt and fear for my failure to…WHATEVER! Every problem found its root and cause in me… “if only I had done this or not done that.” I had become hyper-vigilant (easily ‘triggered)’ in my home environment and needed time out.  It wasn’t my parents fault; it was largely a consequence of starvation and the altered relationship dynamics that ensued. My point is, at this stage I could not receive nurture from those closest to me; I was completely reactive in my relationship with mum and dad. I needed time out in a different environment, with different relationships to experience myself in a new way to allow the tight bind of the anorectic defence to loosen. For me this happened in hospital. And it helped. It didn’t resolve the anorexia but it gave me a chance to catch my breath and experience myself in a new way…this was an important key for me in the recovery journey ahead. You can read more about this in Illuminating Anorexia. If you or your loved one are in this place of reactive relationships, unable to give/receive nurture you need professional help. In addition, I recommend that you consider a change of environment (it could be as simple as engaging in a new weekly activity) and seek out new (nurturing) connections where you’re familiar anorectic defence is less likely to be triggered… Questions and Feedback welcome. [1] Roger Slade, The Anorexia Nervosa Reference Book, Harper & Row, 1984, p.72.

Self and body acceptance go hand in glove. The message of EMBRACE may be a challenge for the young(er) person struggling with anorexia or ED because when we’re struggling in this space, our sense of self as “unacceptable” can go very deep. Without a doubt we need to see and celebrate more diverse body shapes and sizes (this is super important for everyBODY!) but when the message that self is not okay, not acceptable, not worthy of taking up space, goes DEEP and ISOLATES, what can a young person do to break out of this harmful bind? In this podcast, I suggest the best thing a young person can do is to actively look for and seek out relationships/connections with people that have the time and space to see and acknowledge, affirm and encourage, listen and share – allow give and take. In this stretched-out time poor world these connections may not be with the person/people you may first choose or expect, but there will be people in your world that can offer you a nurturing connection. Stepping into these nurturing connections will take you FORWARD in your recovery and enable you to take in MORE nurture and more life. Don’t isolate. Reach out. Don’t settle for connections that are cold or rejecting; go where there is life, nurture, affirmation, and encouragement. Questions and feedback welcome. [email protected] @mp_sparkes

Embrace is a wonderful documentary (film) that celebrates body shape, size, and ethnic diversity. The brainchild of Taryn Brumfitt, a wife and mother of 3 who almost went under the knife in her quest to overcome body loathing, the message she brings goes beyond acceptance to embracing the skin you’re in whatever your shape, size, ethnicity or ability. I love the film and the message Taryn brings. I concur wholeheartedly. When we get beyond body loathing and negative comparisons we free up so much wonderful human energy to get on with the good stuff of connecting with self and others in truly meaningful ways that make us glad to be alive. I highly recommend you see this film if you get the chance. #Ihaveembraced.  Feedback and questions welcome. [email protected] @mp_sparkes

Gaining weight from a low weight may be possible in an outpatient setting if a person is not critically unwell. If a person can make progress with the support of a doctor, dietician and therapist in an outpatient setting, fantastic. If not it simply means more intensive support is required. (See previous podcast notes for further information and links). Some helpful thoughts about gaining weight from a low weight Accurate information is better than uninformed fear Get information from your team as to what to expect as your body is rehydrated and renourished from a malnourished state.  Much will depend on the severity of your ED.  Fluid retention, bloating, wind, cramps etc can all be expected as the body readjusts. WHAT YOU NEED TO KEEP IN MIND is that ALL these changes are temporary and will settle as you continue along the path to recovery. The sooner you seek help the better.  EARLY INTERVENTION is the best anti-dote to extreme malnutrition and the psychological disturbance (FEAR) that goes with it in an eating disorder. Remind yourself why you began recovery in the first place. Think about what your ED taken from you (health, hope, energy, relationships, work/ study opportunities, money) – make a list of these things and keep it handy when you need to remember why you’re sticking with your recovery plan. What you are looking forward to by healing? Make a gratitude list of all the things you love or have loved about life (get really specific eg., playing with your dog, creating art, chatting with your sister, dancing with your friends, the scrunch of autumn leaves under your feet, the smell of freshly cut grass, watching the ocean waves, snuggling up by a fire, road-trips to the country, etcetera. Think of as many things as you can. Aim for 100. Create a collage of pictures that represent these things (&/or the kind of life you’re looking forward to) Put this somewhere you can see it everyday. Keep choosing recovery (one day at a time). Recovery really begins with a decision from you. The truth is to recover and sustain recovery YOU will need to choose to turn your back on fear and hunger and turn your face towards life and nurture. And, you will need to do this every day. You will need skills to do this. You deserve to live, to feel the wind at your back, the sun on your face, to smile at the future, to love and embrace. You. I can help you with this. It would be my pleasure to do so. Feedback and questions welcome. [email protected] @mp_sparkes

To recover from anorexia a person will need to confront their fear of food and eating; their fear of getting fat and losing control. It’s a huge challenge because the semi-starvation diet of an anorectic CREATES the food obsessions and inflexible, polarised thinking that make seeking recovery so difficult. Fear drives anorexia; and the anorectic (semi-starvation) diet drives fear. It’s a vicious cycle that can only be broken by feeding the body and conquering the fear. When health risk becomes critical (as medically determined), inpatient care becomes essential. Anorexia, basically self-starvation, carries with it serious health consequences and risks. Recovering from an emaciated weight (or from extreme malnutrition)* requires medical oversight. There are risks involved with refeeding.  For the severely malnourished this is likely to occur within an inpatient setting. *It’s important to understand that ALL eating disorders carry risk and that risk cannot be determined by simply looking at a person and observing their weight. A large person may be starving and at risk. For this reason, ANY person who has, or thinks they may be developing an eating disorder, should seek medical help and get a professional assessment and diagnosis. Eating Disorder First Aid Guidelines is a wonderful Australian publication providing clear and essential information on eating disorders for sufferers and carers. I highly recommend this publication to everyBODY. It could save a life, and that life could be your own. Gaining weight from a low weight may be possible in an outpatient setting if a person is not critically unwell. If a person can make progress with the support of a doctor, dietician and therapist in an outpatient setting, fantastic. If not it simply means more intensive support is required. Some helpful thoughts about gaining weight from a low weight Accurate information is better than uninformed fear Get information from your team as to what to expect as your body is rehydrated and renourished from a malnourished state.  Much will depend on the severity of your ED.  Fluid retention, bloating, wind, cramps etc can all be expected as the body readjusts. WHAT YOU NEED TO KEEP IN MIND is that ALL these changes are temporary and will settle as you continue along the path to recovery. The sooner you seek help the better.  EARLY INTERVENTION is the best anti-dote to extreme malnutrition and the psychological disturbance (FEAR) that goes with it in an eating disorder. Remind yourself why you began recovery in the first place. Think about what your ED taken from you (health, hope, energy, relationships, work/ study opportunities, money) – make a list of these things and keep it handy when you need to remember why you’re sticking with your recovery plan. What you are looking forward to by healing? Make a gratitude list of all the things you love or have loved about life (get really specific eg., playing with your dog, creating art, chatting with your sister, dancing with your friends, the scrunch of autumn leaves under your feet, the smell of freshly cut grass, watching the ocean waves, snuggling up by a fire, road-trips to the country, etcetera. Think of as many things as you can. Aim for 100. Create a collage of pictures that represent these things (&/or the kind of life you’re looking forward to) Put this somewhere you can see it everyday. Keep choosing recovery (one day at a time). Recovery really begins with a decision from you. Even if you feel like you are in hospital against your choice, the truth is to sustain recovery YOU will need to choose to turn your back on fear and hunger and turn your face towards life and nurture. You will need to do this every day. You will need skills to do this. You deserve to live, to feel the wind at your back, the sun on your face, to smile at the future, to love and embrace. You. I can help you with this. It would be my pleasure to do so. Feedback and questions welcome. [email protected] @mp_sparkes    

“Pornified messages are bombarding our young people and giving them distorted ideas about their bodies, about relationships, and about sexuality,” says Melinda Tankard Reist, in this podcast interview, “According to global research, (this is) making our kids very unwell.” We are seeing a rise in negative physical and mental health outcomes, eating disorders, anxiety and depression, self harm, low self-esteem and poor academic performance. “I believe we are facing a significant crisis amongst our girls,” says Melinda. Girls are experiencing increasingly negative attitudes towards their bodies, describing themselves as fat, disgusting and unworthy (even to live). Boys are comparing girls’ bodies with porn star bodies on the basis of whether or not they match up. “And we wonder why girls are anxious and depressed,” says Melinda, “to me the mystery is that any girls make it through unscathed.” Boys start seeing porn at an average age of 11, often viewing pornography that eroticises and glamorises violence against women. “We’re teaching boys that violence is sexy,” says Melinda, “We have these national campaigns to address violence against women but we are doing nothing to address the cultural drivers of that very same violence.” Drivers such as the normative, permission-giving beliefs to boys that girls’ bodies exist for their sexual gratification and pleasure. “Boys are learning a sense of entitlement to the bodies of women and girls,” says Melinda, “and girls are learning that they exist primarily as sexual service stations for men and boys.” Girls are so disconnected from their own sense of pleasure, intimacy, and authentic human connection, says Melinda, that when she asked a 15-year-old girl about her first sexual experience, the girl responded, “I think my body looked okay. He seemed to enjoy it.” [Italics, mine] “Girls shouldn’t have to be navigating sexual requests at 11 and 12 and be assessed on the basis of their bodies,” says Melinda, “they are not being valued for their gifts, their talents, their abilities, their desire to change the world, to be a loving sibling, a devoted friend, their spirituality…they are not being valued for anything other than whether they look hot or not.” This is making our girls very unwell. Change is difficult but possible…and every voice counts. This is the premise behind Collective Shout for a World Free of Sexploitation, a grass roots organisation co-founded by Melinda, that works to address the toxic messages of pornography that give our young people distorted ideas about their bodies, about their relationships, and about sexuality. Melinda speaks to girls and boys across the country, empowering girls to say no to unwanted sexual intrusions and encouraging boys and girls to seek respect-based relationships. “It’s difficult and it takes guts,” she says but change is possible and evident in the stories she shares in this interview. Collective Shout is active politically and also works with corporations that want to take a responsible approach by agreeing not to sexualise women and objectify girls to sell products and services. It’s a big job but Melinda and her team are proof that when voices join together for the common good, they can indeed make a collective SHOUT! If you would like to know more about Melinda Tankard Reist and the work of Collective Shout, please click the embedded links. Feedback and questions welcome. [email protected] @mp_sparkes

Grace, a podcast listener asks, “Do you have any insight on the impacts of not only the media, but porn as well. For the folks in relationships (I am married, second time around) is it such an issue for most people with ED?  I recently found a great deal of it on a computer history and I’m having a really hard time not feeling good enough. I didn’t eat for a week the last time I saw it, talked to my spouse about it but it’s apparent that he’s a typical guy who likes to look at other women in that context. He doesn’t understand. My rational mind knows it’s ridiculous, but the disorder tells me to try harder. Be thinner. Be better. It hits on every trigger. Maybe a podcast topic someday?” It is a layered subject and can be very touchy (‘scuse the pun) because it’s an issue that affects us all in some way and I think the marketers have done a great job in targeting our natural desire for intimacy and sexual expression without supplying the bigger picture and context. Porn is big business but I submit that anything that objectifies a person devalues them and is helpful to NObody and is in fact harmful to authentic relationships and the creation of real intimacy. For my podcast listener Grace, I submit the following (with a fuller response available in this podcast). Dear Grace I think the “pornification” of our culture is a huge player in the ongoing and escalating OBJECT-ification of everyBODY and helpful to NObody…including your husband. Intimacy in relationships exists between people and is based upon respect and valuing of one another so when bodies are treated as objects (as they are in porn), people are easily used, abused, exploited (and dismissed when their use has passed), and this can certainly give rise to insecurity. This isn’t the way I believe human beings are designed or wired to function well. Is the issue more prevalent (triggering) to ED sufferers? It’s a good question. My thought is that because EDs are a battle to overcome self rejection (to find, consolidate and rest in a place of healthy SELF-ACCEPTANCE), this issue could be particularly challenging to any unhealed, or healed and getting stronger  interior places (beliefs/attitudes) about our worth and value. You deserve respect. What you think, feel, believe and desire (in this and any other issue impacting upon you and your relationship) is as important as what your husband thinks, feels, believes and desires, and is worthy of his time and attention. Mutual respect is key (and porn does not promote this); being mature enough to dialogue around, and do the hard yards involved in, understanding what is consensual, uplifting and life-affirming for the person we profess to love. More in the podcast. Hope it helps. Happy to hear more. Travel well, Michelle

This series is designed to inspire you and help you dream again; to recover the hopes and aspirations deep inside you that may have got lost in your battle with an ED. When your eyes are cast down, lost in the life-consuming territory of an ED, you need a vision of the future that will draw you forward, like a rope attached to an anchor out of the quagmire of your ED and into your future. Freedom beckons and that freedom has context.  Within these stories of inspiration and dreaming, lie principles and keys to help you on your journey (things like vision, knowledge, focus, perseverance, courage, support), because like the journey of a dream, your recovery will meet challenges and opposition. Beyond the vision of freedom (from an ED), I pray these stories bring to your remembrance the hopes and dreams buried deep inside and long forgotten or perhaps never truly awakened, that will give your freedom context. When the dream is bigger than the pain, we will push through. My guest today is Kelly McJannet, visionary CEO of Food Ladder, a wonderful young lady heading up an outstanding not for profit organisation, doing extraordinary work to feed some of the most impoverished and disadvantaged communities around the globe, including here in Ramingining, Australia’s East Arnhem Land. In the process, Foodladder creates jobs, hope, passion, purpose and food security in these local communities, building a legacy of social capital that is impossible to put a price on. Kelly has so many good things to say. One of the key principles I heard Kelly repeat time and again in our interview, was the importance of having a clear vision of why you’re doing what you’re doing and the knowledge to backup your strategy – this is like a compass that keeps you heading true north, resisting the distractions and helping you to hold your position against opposition, discouragement and disillusionment. These principles have tremendous application to the recovery journey from an eating disorder and form the basis of the 4×4 Freedom Express. If you want help to get free from your ED, you know where to find me. Questions and Feedback welcome. [email protected] mp_sparkes   “Food ladder uses the most effective technologies to feed the most disadvantaged communities in a global social enterprise movement.” Kelly McJannett, CEO FoodLadder 2016 Winner, Australia’s 100 Most Influential Women (Social Enterprise and Not For Profit)

When the ED voice (the bully in your head) is making it hard or impossible for you to take in the nurture you need to survive and thrive you need help.  You need other people to come alongside you and help you fight the lies and the fear that paralyses you SO THAT you can take in the food you need to survive and thrive. If you can’t do this on your own, you need help. A doctor, counselor and dietician at a minimum and if you’re still unable to make headway with this level of outpatient support, you will need more intensive inpatient support. There is no shame in this. This is how an ED operates. As you starve the body your ability to think clearly and rationally about your situation will be compromised. Your thinking will become more inflexible and polarised. As shades of grey are lost and rational thinking erodes, the fear and terror engendered by the ED voice grows. But that voice is a liar. It operates on falsehood. In this podcast, I simply want to be a voice in your ear that counters that lying voice and fear.  To give you a statement that you can fight back with. You will need more help than this. But I believe this will help… When the ED voice (the bully in your head) is giving you a hard time, speak back to it and say: “You’re a liar. I deserve to eat. As I look after my body, my body will look after me.” Feedback and questions welcome. [email protected] @mp_sparkes

When you’re fighting anorexia, you become afraid to eat. The terror of losing control and getting fat is REAL and is created by the eating disorder itself.  I want to tell you, food is not your enemy; the fear of food and what it can do to you is your enemy.  The ED voice lies to you. It exaggerates and amplifies things from a black and white perspective that gets stronger the longer you buy into the ED (restrict food) ‘solution’.  You do not need to fear getting fat and losing control. AS you learn to look after your body your body will look after you. This is the truth. If you are struggling to eat enough good and nutritious food to survive and thrive you need HELP. One thing you can do right now is remember, you deserve to eat. Speak back to the ED voice and tell it, “You’re a liar. I deserve to eat. As I learn to look after my body, my body will look after me.” This really IS the truth. Feedback and questions welcome. [email protected] @mp_sparkes