Real Over Ideal

Decision Fatigue and How to Make Choosing EasierThis episode explains why decision fatigue is real, what it does to your brain, and why even small choices can feel impossible by the end of the day. Vanessa Gorelkin, your host, a licensed therapist and executive coach, breaks down the neuroscience and behavior patterns behind overwhelm, then shares practical ways to reduce the number of decisions you make.The ‘Untangle This’ of this episode is a relatable question about post-college uncertainty— the answer includes a key reminder that you do not need the perfect answer, just a starting point.Key topicsDecision fatigue is a measurable decline in decision quality after making many choices throughout the dayThe average adult makes about 35,000 decisions a day, most of them small but cumulatively drainingLate-day decision collapse shows up as impulse control failures, avoidance, shortcut-taking, and feeling stuckThe prefrontal cortex handles planning and rational choice, and it becomes less efficient as the day goes onGlutamate buildup in the lateral prefrontal cortex helps explain why controlled thinking starts to feel too costlyDecision fatigue isn’t laziness or lack of discipline, but a real neural and metabolic shift toward low-effort default choicesEvening dopamine makes comfort behaviors like food, scrolling, and shopping feel more rewardingDecision fatigue affects real-world settings like healthcare, criminal justice, parenting, and workplace performancePractical ways to reduce overload include batching big decisions early, simplifying options, automating low-stakes choices, and using routinesPerfectionism adds a hidden tax to decision-making, so “good enough” is often the better strategyNotable quotables:“Decision fatigue is a measurable decline in decision quality after making many choices throughout the day.”“You don't need to choose the perfect path. You need to choose a starting point.”“You can't think your way to clarity. You have to act your way there.”Action itemsDecide dinner or other routine choices earlier in the dayPut workout clothes out before evening arrivesReduce daily choices by using routines and defaultsTake breaks before you feel completely drainedUse “future me” as a guide when perfectionism kicks in- what would ‘future me’ appreciate?Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Why Nighttime Snacking Is Normal—and How to Manage ItThis episode explores the psychological and physiological reasons behind nighttime eating, distinguishing between habitual snacking and clinical nighttime eating syndrome. She offers practical tips to recognize patterns, respect your body's signals, and develop healthier nighttime routines.Key topics: The biological basis for nighttime hunger, including changes in hormone levels like ghrelin and leptin How circadian rhythms influence appetite and impulse control at nightThe impact of underfueling during the day on evening snacking tendenciesThe role of stress hormones like cortisol in evening eating behaviorsHow habit loops and emotional cues reinforce late-night eating patternsDifferentiating normal habits from clinical conditions like nighttime eating syndrome Practical strategies to break the cycle, including setting kitchen cut-off times and creating post-meal ritualsThe importance of satisfying meals to prevent night cravingsHow transition rituals can cue your body that eating is complete Timestamps: 00:00 - Why nighttime eating is a deeply human behavior 00:14 - Exploring the urge to eat after dinner and how it manifests 02:36 - The role of circadian rhythms in appetite regulation 03:36 - Impact of underfueling during the day on nighttime snacking 04:07 - Stress hormones and emotional eating in the evening 04:52 - Habit loops and memory-driven cravings 05:00 - The "I deserve it" affect and reward seeking at night 05:27 - Differentiating between normal habits and nighttime eating syndrome 06:24 - Importance of understanding the clinical aspect for proper evaluation 07:04 - Practical experiment: setting a kitchen cutoff time around dinner 08:53 - Responding to listener questions about post-dinner snacking habits 09:19 - How proximity to food, transitions, and emotional fatigue contribute to evening eating 10:20 - Strategies for satisfying dinners, closing the kitchen early, and creating effective evening rituals 11:54 - How understanding habits can help manage nighttime eating patternsIf you find yourself struggling with late-night snacking, remember—it's a pattern, not a flaw, and it can be understood, interrupted, and reshaped with mindful strategies. Vanessa offers insights into creating a satisfying, balanced approach to evening eating that respects both your physiology and emotional needs.Thanks for listening to Real Over Ideal. If this episode resonated, please share it with someone who might benefit, subscribe or follow the show, and consider leaving a five-star review to help others discover these helpful insights.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Hey Listeners: You'll notice some new music starting with this episode. Our editing software updated ownership of some of the tracks-- so we're trying some new things. Let us know what you think!The Power of Walking: Beyond Trademark Hype and the Benefits for Your Nervous SystemDiscover why walking is a timeless, universal activity rooted in human history—and how it can serve as a powerful tool for emotional regulation, stress relief, and nervous system maintenance. In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin breaks down the cultural significance of walking, dispels myths around the trending "hot girl walk," and shares practical tips to turn every walk into a self-care routine.Key Topics:The true meaning of trademarks and what they can and cannot protect, specifically in relation to phrases like "hot girl walk"The cultural and physiological significance of walking as an inherently human activityHow walking activates your parasympathetic nervous system, promoting calm and emotional regulationThe neuroscience behind rhythmic bilateral movements and their effect on stress and anxietyPractical steps to maximize stress relief and nervous system regulation during your walkThe distinction between the cultural phenomenon of "hot girl walk" and the physical/mental benefits of walkingWhy movement matters more than aesthetics or branding effortsAddressing public sentiment around trademarks on activities that belong to everyoneClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Understanding the Cultural Shift Around Body Image and GLP-1s In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the rise of GLP-1 drugs like Ozempic and their complex impact on body image, health perceptions, and societal norms. She offers a clear, insightful critique of the trend, emphasizing that health and worth are about much more than body size.Key Topics: The cultural and social media influence on body image and the normalization of weight loss drugs The biological and physiological effects of GLP-1 medications and their long-term implications How societal narratives link thinness to health, morality, and worth The importance of redefining health beyond appearance and size Practical advice for navigating body acceptance and resisting the shrinking trend The science behind weight regain after stopping medications and potential side effects The significance of body neutrality and affirming identity outside of societal standards Timestamps: 00:37 - Introduction: Body not a trend, physiology fights back 00:52 - Personal background and purpose of the episode 01:09 - The cultural shift: GLP-1 drugs and social media narratives 01:40 - Advertising and societal pressures to slim down 02:28 - Why thinness doesn’t equate to longevity 03:08 - Body acceptance and rejecting the trend of shrinking 03:43 - The impact of canceling food and appetite through medication 04:06 - Distinguishing between medical use and societal normalization 04:27 - The original purpose of GLP-1 medications in diabetes management 05:06 - The projected scale of GLP-1 usage in America by 2030 05:29 - Framing weight loss as a moral versus medical issue 06:08 - The fragility of weight loss achieved through medications 06:58 - Research on weight regain after stopping GLP-1s 07:23 - Biological mechanisms behind weight regain and hunger hormones 07:38 - The body's rebound effect and metabolism adaptation 08:18 - The behavioral side: scaffolding and emotional patterns 08:45 - Societal obsession: thinness as moral virtue 09:11 - Side effects and health risks of GLP-1s 09:25 - Chronic issues like gastroparesis, gallstones, and nutritional deficiencies 10:20 - Mood disturbances and long-term effects for diabetics 11:10 - The importance of existing fully in your body as resistance 11:49 - Moving away from transformation narratives toward acceptance 12:16 - Redefining health: from moral to functional and holistic 12:46 - The difference between appearance and actual health metrics 13:16 - Reclaiming personal health choices and self-trust 14:06 - Challenging the association of thinness with health and effort 15:30 - Reframing health with new vocabulary: strength, stability, connection 16:03 - The importance of non-morally judging health status 16:41 - The value of tapering off medications and understanding reversibility 17:14 - Informed decision-making about long-term medication use 17:25 - Practical tips: social media detox, eating in public, mirror practices 17:55 - Challenging internalized shame and societal expectations 18:25 - Embracing your body as your home, not a project to fix 19:07 - Closing thoughts: authenticity and self-worth beyond weightResources & Links: Vanessa Gorelkin — for therapy and body image support Connect with Vanessa Gorelkin: Website Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

If you ever feel crushing doubts about yourself- especially in circumstances that baffle you, this episode is for you.Overcoming Imposter Syndrome: A Personal Reflection and Practical GuideIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin candidly shares her ongoing battle with imposter syndrome while creating content about it. Her honest narrative serves as both a personal case study and a guide for listeners grappling with similar doubts. Discover insights about the prevalence, causes, and scientifically-backed strategies to address imposter feelings.Main Topics Covered: Vanessa’s personal experience with imposter syndrome during episode creationThe scientific understanding of imposter syndrome as a cognitive distortionWhy high-achievers are especially prone to self-doubt The role of workplace environments and societal expectations in fostering imposter feelings Practical tips to recognize and challenge imposter syndrome in real timeReframing self-doubt: from incompetence to care and responsibilityThe importance of self-compassion and perspective-taking during career transitionsAdditional notes: Remember, imposter syndrome is a common human experience—your feelings do not define your capabilities. Embrace the discomfort as part of your growth journey, and give yourself credit for the progress you are making.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Overcoming the "What-Ifery": How to Tame Your Brain's Catastrophic ThinkingIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the fascinating phenomenon of "what-ifery" — the mental habit of imagining every potential disaster. She explores how this is a natural but often unhelpful part of human cognition and offers practical, science-backed tools to build resilience against anxiety caused by relentless hypothetical fears.Main Topics:The neurological basis of "what-ifery" and intolerance of uncertaintyHow catastrophic thinking amplifies anxiety and shrinks your worldFive effective techniques grounded in cognitive science for managing worry and uncertaintyPractical tools like labeling thoughts, shrinking timelines, and body anchoringHow to shift from prediction to capability to foster confidence in decision-making Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Here's a great episode published a little over a year ago that always matters in the summertime.If you're a person who knows the summertime blues or have a loved one who feels this way-- help is on the way in this updated episode.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Uncover and Rewrite Your Emotional Homeowners Association RulesIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores how subconscious "rules"—much like HOA bylaws—govern our emotions and behaviors, often causing stress and guilt. She offers practical strategies to identify outdated or unhelpful rules and update them to better serve our current lives.Key Topics:The metaphor of emotional HOAs and how they enforce internal rulesHow childhood and cultural messages embed rules we aren't aware ofThe impact of outdated rules on our mental health and well-beingTechniques to identify, question, and revise limiting internal rulesThe importance of values-based behavior over rigid rule enforcement Recognizing conditioned responses, like feeling guilty about bedmakingPractical tips for practicing self-compassion and updating internal standards The connection between self-regulation, self-schema, and guiltHow to shift from punishment to flexible, realistic standardsClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Embracing Imposter Syndrome: A Personal Reflection with Vanessa GorelkinIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin openly shares her recent struggles with procrastination and imposter syndrome, providing a candid behind-the-scenes look at confronting self-doubt. It’s a relatable deep dive into understanding and managing imposter feelings, especially for high-achievers and those navigating new challenges.Key Topics The personal battle with imposter syndrome and how it can delay progressThe prevalence and scientific basis of imposter syndrome, affecting up to 62% of peopleCharacteristics of those prone to imposter feelings: conscientious, high-achieving, sensitive Imposter syndrome as a cognitive distortion: a mismatch between perceived and actual competenceEnvironment factors that amplify imposter feelings: underrepresented groups, ambiguous rolesNeuroscience insights: the brain’s threat detection system versus confidence-buildingPractical tips to recognize and confront imposter syndrome, including labeling feelings and perspective shiftingThe importance of growth mindset: replacing "I don’t know" with "I’m learning"Standard post-graduation doubts and how they are natural steps into professional identityReassurance that feeling like an imposter signals growth, not incompetenceEncouragement to "do it anyway" despite doubts and high standards Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Understanding the Bounce Back Tax: Why High-Functioning Days Leave You DrainedEver had a day where everything seems to go perfectly, only to crash the next morning? This episode breaks down the concept of the "bounce back tax" — the invisible toll your body and brain pay after high-energy days — and offers practical strategies to manage it without guilt or burnout.Main Topics Covered: The science behind effort costs and energy expenditure How high-functioning days deplete cognitive resources and cause physical fatigueThe role of ego depletion, allostatic load, and dopamine dips in post-productivity crashesSocial science insights into social regulation fatigue and emotional laborPractical strategies: The 80% day, reset window, and minimum effort floorsReframing rest as productive recovery rather than non-functional Remember, your high-energy days cost something — honoring that helps you build sustainable productivity and kindness to yourself.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Understanding and Navigating Mental Health Relapses with Vanessa Gorelkin.In this episode, your host, Vanessa Gorelkin, a licensed occupational therapist with 30 years of experience, discusses the often misunderstood nature of mental health relapses. She shares her personal journey with depression, explains why relapse is a common part of recovery, and provides practical strategies to cope and prevent shame during setbacks.Main Topics:The reality of mental health relapses as a natural, predictable part of recoveryThe importance of accepting medication and continuous care for chronic mental health conditionsHow shame and silence can worsen mental health setbacks and why honesty is vitalPractical steps: honesty, consistency, and compassion during relapseStories of resilience, including Kaylee's experience with depression and relapse managementThe significance of support systems and open communication with loved onesMyths about linear recovery and embracing a lifelong management approach Remember, relapse is a chapter, not the entire story. With honesty, support, and self-compassion, you can navigate setbacks and continue your journey towards mental wellness.Hey listeners! From the heart-- this episode was emotional--  I cried while I recorded it (admittedly, I'm a pretty easy crier!) because talking about relapse is painful but I truly hope this episode helpful someone today. Sending love your way.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Struggling with household tasks due to overwhelm or ADHD? Vanessa Gorelkin shares a compassionate, step-by-step body doubling approach to help you initiate and complete chores with less stress. This episode offers practical exercises to tackle cleaning, laundry, and dishes in manageable blocks, emphasizing progress over perfection.Key Topics:The concept of body doubling and its benefits for neurodivergent brainsWhy tasks pile up: breaking down complex chores into simple, achievable stepsHow co-presence reduces cognitive load and increases task initiationThe importance of micro-movements and focusing on one item at a timeGuided routines for cleaning a room, doing laundry, and washing dishesStrategies for managing overwhelm, including silence and pacing techniquesEncouragement to view progress as meaningful, not perfectWe hope you enjoy this body doubling experiential episode!Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Embracing Visibility: Overcoming Fear of Being PerceivedWhat is the fear of being perceived?Discover practical ways to navigate the universal fear of being perceived in a world obsessed with visibility. Vanessa Gorelkin explores this fear and why it intensifies, especially in the digital age and post-pandemic, and offers actionable strategies to build confidence and authenticity.Main Topics:The emotional experience behind the fear of being perceivedHow hyper-visibility impacts mental health and behaviorPractical exercises to gradually increase comfort with visibility In this episode:Why the fear of being perceived isn’t about literal watching but interpretationThe rise of hyper-visibility and self-surveillance in modern cultureCommon behavioral responses: shrinking, masking, disappearing The importance of 'being seen' as a fundamental human needThree practical experiments to reduce fear: micro-visibility, separating perception from judgment, letting others be wrongHow the pandemic has heightened self-consciousness and self-observationAccepting imperfection and building resilience against misinterpretationClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin dives into the science behind the second wind phenomenon and how understanding your circadian rhythms can help you harness your natural energy peaks. Learn practical strategies to create earlier moments of safety and unclench your nervous system for increased daytime productivity.The biological basis of the second wind and circadian rhythmsHow and why your brain experiences a surge of energy late at nightPractical techniques to shift renewal moments earlier in your day Understanding safety cues that help your nervous system relaxCreating micro moments of calm to optimize daytime alertnessHow to balance evening energy surges with next-day productivityIn this episode:What the second wind phenomenon is and the science behind itWhy your brain feels alert and clear in late hours without external demandsThe hidden cost of late-night energy and how it affects tomorrow’s energyTechniques for inducing an earlier "unclench" moment to improve daytime focusHow to recreate quiet, demand-free environments earlier in the day The importance of safety signals like exhaling longer, small wins, and routinesReal-world advice for those experiencing peak energy at unconventional timesThe mental shift from blame to understanding your natural rhythms  Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode, host Vanessa Gorelkin describes how doubt can be harnessed to create a powerful path towards reaching our most important goals.As a follow up to the Motivation episode: learn about a technique that is used to help people with addiction, weight management, exercise goals and much more, called Motivational Interviewing.This episode provides some starting instruction in this powerful process so that you can experience the power of turning ambivalence into action. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Title: Unpacking Internal Family Systems: Benefits, Critiques, and Practical InsightsIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the therapeutic model of Internal Family Systems (IFS), sharing her personal experiences, scientific findings, common critiques, anda practical exercise. Whether you're a practitioner, client, or simply curious about this approach, you'll find valuable insights into how IFS can support healing and self-understanding.Key Topics:The principles behind Internal Family Systems: parts, self, and internal leadershipVanessa's personal experiences and how IFS fosters breakthroughsThe controversy: critiques around research, metaphor reliance, and trauma oversimplificationScientific evidence supporting IFS: PTSD reduction, emotional regulation, and empowermentThe response to critiques: research limitations, the role of imagery, and trauma complexityPractical demonstration: a safe, simple IFS exercise for self-awarenessHow to assess a therapist's use of IFS and avoid potential misuse The importance of applying IFS within a broader, trauma-informed contextThe potential for transformation when used ethically and skillfullyClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

How to Truly Handle a Panic Attack--Practical Neuroscience-Based StrategiesIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin debunks common misconceptions about panic attacks and anxiety, sharing evidence-based techniques rooted in neuroscience. If you've struggled with ineffective calming methods online, this guide provides clear, practical advice for interrupting and managing panic in the real world.Key Topics:The fundamental difference between panic attacks and anxiety, including neurocircuitry distinctionsWhy traditional methods like deep breathing and talking it out often fail during panic attacksThe role of the amygdala and hippocampus in panic, and how their interaction fuels the crisisTop down versus bottom up intervention strategies: why body-focused techniques are fasterPractical protocols for physiological interruption, including grounding, cold water, humming, and moreWhy meditation is counterproductive during panic and best used preventivelyWhy many well-meaning mental health professionals mismanage panic and how to recognize effective practices Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

The Tiny Moments That Make a Big Difference: The Chihuahua EffectIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores how simple acts of kindness and moments of silliness can create ripple effects of joy and connection. She shares personal stories, emphasizes the importance of small gestures, and offers practical ways to spread positivity daily. It's a reminder that sometimes, the tiniest actions have the most profound impact on both others and ourselves.Key Topics:The power of small, spontaneous moments of joyHow sharing a laugh or being silly can regulate your nervous systemThe concept of the Chihuahua Effect: tiny moments with big emotional impactThe role of everyday kindness as emotional probioticsPractical ways to pay forward positivity, even in small gesturesThe importance of connecting and softening with others during tough timesWhy joy is a practice, not a personality traitHow to start creating more joyful moments, regardless of moodClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Embracing Good Enough: Redefining Self-Worth and Self-CompassionIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the pervasive pressure to be perfect and the transformative power of embracing "good enough." She shares insights from scientific research, stories of iconic figures like Whitney Houston, and practical strategies to cultivate self-compassion and resilience.Key Topics:The cultural myth of perfection and the quest for unachievable standardsThe story of Whitney Houston and the trap of feeling never good enough despite extraordinary successHow self-esteem is built through actions, not beliefs or achievementsThe science behind self-criticism and the neural impact of harsh self-talkPractical techniques to counteract negative self-talk and foster self-compassionThe importance of self-acceptance for long-term wellbeingHow childhood experiences shape our self-view and the path to healingStrategies for facing mistakes with integrity and moving forwardThe concept of "adaptive self-evaluation" to build resilienceClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Rethinking Motivation: How to Make Change Without Waiting for Feelings to AlignIn this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Garelkin challenges the myth that motivation is the secret to lasting change. Instead, she provides practical strategies rooted in behavioral science for acting without feeling motivated, emphasizing that structure, habits, and environment are the real drivers of progress.Main insights include: Motivation is not a personality trait but a complex system involving emotion, desire, and energy. Famous figures like Edison and J. K. Rowling succeeded not because they waited for motivation but because they built resilience and persistence. Self-criticism and fear are motivation killers; they activate shame and threat responses that hinder progress. The middle phase of change is the hardest, often mistaken for failure—most quit because of boredom or impatience, not incapacity. Success relies on acting despite not feeling motivated, through structured habits and environmental adjustments. Practical strategies such as lowering effort barriers, leveraging the 90-second rule, pairing tasks with appealing rewards, and shaping your environment can ignite action. Building consistency in small, manageable steps fosters mastery and diminishes reliance on fleeting motivation. Family dynamics and societal roles often constrain self-perception; redefining your identity starts with small, intentional actions. Motivation is fleeting, but habits and structured systems create lasting change. Timestamps:00:00 - Motivation: The myth and the realityClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

The Power of Reaching Out: Why Support in Moments of Need MattersIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the importance of reaching out for support between therapy sessions, debunking common fears and highlighting research-backed benefits. Whether you’re hesitant to bother your therapist or unsure when to seek help, this episode offers reassurance and practical insights to normalize support-seeking as a vital part of mental health and taking care of yourself in a holistic way.Please let us know if you'd like more 'texts to a therapist'-- there are loads of examples and if it's helpful to see how common your questions might be-- glad to help!Main Topics Covered:The human tendency to minimize the need for support and the myths around being "too much"How social support impacts physical and mental health, from lowering stress to reducing illness risksCommon text messages clients send and what they reveal about universal emotional themesPractical strategies for managing intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and boundary-settingThe value of reaching out in real time, before a crisis developsEncouragement to reframe support-seeking as a sign of strength, not weaknessClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Exploring the Night Watchman Hypothesis and Human Sleep PatternsIn this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa delves into the intriguing science behind why some people naturally wake at night and how this ancient survival strategy shapes our sleep today. Discover how understanding the Night Watchman Hypothesis  (also known as the Sentinel Hypothesis) can help you embrace your sleep style and foster better relationships. Topics covered include:The evolutionary roots of staggered sleep and the Night Watchman HypothesisHow ancient humans and other species distributed vigilance across group members The science behind nighttime awakenings and their universality across culturesThe mismatch between modern life and our innate sleep patternsHow circadian rhythms influence individual sleep preferences and societal perceptionsPractical ways to understand and respect different sleep chronotypesThe importance of communication and flexibility in shared sleeping arrangementsTimestamps: 00:00 - Introduction to the nocturnal brain and the Night Watchman Hypothesis 00:40 - The evolutionary importance of staggered sleep and vigilance 02:08 - How sleep has been historically unsafe and group-based 03:11 - Evidence from hunter-gatherer tribes and species like desert birds 04:06 - Variability in sleep patterns as an inherited survival trait 05:01 - Cross-cultural research showing universal nighttime awakenings 06:16 - The natural diversity in human sleep types and their roles 07:06 - The societal bias against night owls and circadian rhythm misconceptions 08:01 - Reflecting on individual sleep preferences and neurological differences 09:20 - Practical experiment: Surveying your community about natural sleep habits 10:20 - Navigating opposite sleep rhythms in relationships through communication 11:45 - Embracing diverse circadian rhythms within householdsClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Content warning:Discussions of weight loss, disordered eating, obesity (medical term vs. medical slur) and body image, body positivity narratives.The word ‘fat’ -is used as a neutral descriptor when it appears in this conversation.Navigating Body Positivity, Weight Loss, and Societal Narratives with Pam MooreThis is the 1st in a 2 part series responding to the NY Times Editorial featuring former body positive 'influencer' Gabriella Loscano.In this episode, Real Over Ideal host, Vanessa Gorelkin, and friend of the podcast, Pam Moore, dissect the recent New York Times opinion piece on body positivity. Pam and Vanessa explore the societal implications of weight bias, the nuances of intuitive eating, and media narratives around health and body size. Key topics:The influence of media framing on societal perceptions of weight and body positivityThe history & original goals of the "Health at Every Size" movementHow influencer culture twisted body positivity and the importance of nuanceThe crux of disinformation around weight, health risks, and their correlationsThe role of language, such as terms "obese" and "overweight," and their societal connotationsThe importance of psychological flexibility and evolving self-beliefsFree NY Times Editorial with Gabriella Loscano: https://youtu.be/xXrGrsvR3wo?si=MPJDjkLE1-fV5u92Connect with Pam Moore:https://www.pam-moore.com/ This episode encourages compassionate, nuanced conversations about health, weight, and societal narratives. Remember, evolving your beliefs and understanding is part of self-trust and growth.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, host Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the lasting impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic as we mark its six-year anniversary.Through a blend of personal anecdotes and expert insights, Vanessa examines the emotional and systemic challenges faced by individuals and communities worldwide. She offers a compassionate guide to understanding the profound changes in our personal and professional lives, emphasizing the importance of resilience and growth. Listeners are invited to reflect on their own pandemic journeys with thoughtfully crafted prompts and practical strategies for processing grief and embracing a new normal. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of how we can learn from adversity, find strength in vulnerability, and foster a sense of community through shared stories and experiences.*Note: anecdotes about any of Vanessa's former employers or associates are just that--anecdotes, not claims of factual information. This is a podcast, not a court of law. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Have you ever felt the sting of a disappointment? Welcome to being a human being.In this episode of Real Over Ideal- Vanessa Gorelkin talks about the brain science of disappointment and how to manage it in your own life. She addresses a listener’s very real question and encourages listeners in their own reframe of past experiences that didn’t go as planned.Disappointment is a neurological event that affects our brain and body. In this episode, we explore how disappointment works biologically, how to reframe it, and practical strategies to recover and grow from setbacks.Key TopicsThe science behind disappointment: brain activity and physical painWhy disappointment is a normal biological response, not a character flawTechniques to shorten the emotional "half-life" of disappointmentPracticing emotional duality: holding two truths at onceReclaiming agency by focusing on next steps, not outcomesBuilding perspective through reflection on past recoveriesThe importance of self-respect in resilience and moving forwardIf you love practical solutions that are evidence based and delivered in language that’s down to Earth and approachable- this is the episode to try.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Exploring Severance and Beyond: A Deep Dive with Allen StareIn this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin and Allen Stare, creator of the acclaimed Severed: The Ultimate Severance Podcast and host of the brand new (as of February 2026) Hello Carol: The Ultimate Plur1bus Podcast spend time exploring themes of work-life balance and corporate satire.Vanessa and Allen do some behind-the-scenes storytelling about what makes Severance such a phenomenon—plus listeners gain insights into Allen’s passion for deep analysis, storytelling, and his latest projects. Hello Carol: The Ultimate Plur1bus podcast being his newest endeavor into ultimate rewatch territory.Key Topics:The origins and creative process behind AppleTV's Severance and its thematic depthHow corporate culture and identity resonate with audiencesThe role of humor and satire in dark, heavy series like SeveranceAllen’s deep research techniques, including identifying Easter eggs and production detailsThe inspiration and influence of Office Space, Breaking Bad, and other pop culture on Allen’s podcastsPractical advice on maintaining work-life balance and finding joy in hobbies that spill over into workThe importance of detail-oriented viewing and enjoying media on a layered levelBehind the scenes stories from production, including script insights and casting detailsThe cultural commentary on employee identity and corporate control in modern workplacesHow Allen’s podcasts serve as love letters to storytelling and analytical engagementResourcesHello Carol - The Ultimate Pluribus Podcast by Allen StareSevered: The Ultimate Severance Podcast by Allen StareApple TV+ Severance: https://tv.apple.com/show/severanceThe Matrix (1999):Office Space (1999)Sandy Pony Donuts: https://sandypony.comAllen Stares shares a passion for storytelling, detailed analysis, and connecting with audiences over themes of work and identity. His podcasts go beyond surface-level critique, offering a richly layered exploration of beloved series and their cultural impact. Whether you’re a Severance fan or just love deep dives into media, Allen’s work enriches understanding and sparks curiosity. Get busy taking a listen to Hello Carol: the Ultimate Plur1bus Podcast-- you won't be sorry.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

SummaryIn this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the Default Mode Network (DMN) of the brain, its role in neurodivergence, and how it influences rumination and creativity. She discusses the importance of understanding the DMN as a feature rather than a flaw, especially in the context of ADHD and other neurodivergent conditions. Vanessa offers practical strategies for managing rumination and building a healthier relationship with one's internal narrative, emphasizing the need for mindfulness and self-reflection.TakeawaysThe default mode network (DMN) is active during internal thought.ADHD can cause the DMN to pull attention inward at inappropriate times.Mind wandering is not inherently negative; it can foster creativity.Therapy can help shift maladaptive DMN activity to more flexible processing.Deliberate mind wandering can help manage ruminative thoughts.Grounding techniques can help redirect focus from the DMN.Labeling thoughts can interrupt rumination loops.The DMN serves as both a wise narrator and a critic.Understanding the DMN can improve mental health management.Your brain's default mode is a meaning-making machine.Chapters00:00 Understanding the Default Mode Network06:31 Navigating Neurodivergence and Rumination09:28 Strategies for Managing the Default Mode NetworkClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the subtle ways perfectionism sabotages our efforts and shares practical strategies to shift from perfection-driven habits to more flexible, compassionate approaches. Learn how to recognize these patterns and build sustainable progress without the trap of perfection.Key TopicsThe difference between adaptive and maladaptive perfectionismHow perfectionism quietly undermines goal-setting and motivationRecognizing patterns like procrastination, guilt, and all-or-nothing thinkingThe importance of self-compassion and psychological flexibilitySmall actionable steps to practice imperfection intentionallyThe role of curiosity and growth-driven motivation over fear-based standardsTips for naming and neutralizing perfectionistic inner criticsHow to set flexible standards that allow for human variabilityClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Vanessa and Diana share a frank discussion of pet grief, with a few laughs because life allows us a range of emotions. Diana and Vanessa delve into the complex emotions surrounding pet grief and the broader topic of loss. They discuss the unique bond between humans and their pets, the societal perceptions of pet grief, and the personal experiences that shape how individuals process loss. The conversation also touches on the therapeutic aspects of grief, the concept of shadow work, and the importance of embracing both light and shadow in life. Diana shares insights from her counseling practice, emphasizing the individuality of grief and the journey towards acceptance and accommodation.TakeawaysGrief is a deeply personal experience and varies from person to person.Pet grief is often underestimated but can be as profound as losing a human loved one.The bond with pets is unique due to their unconditional love and companionship.Grief involves both light and shadow, requiring acceptance of both to heal.Therapy can help individuals navigate the complexities of grief and loss.Shadow work involves exploring hidden aspects of oneself to foster healing.Grief is not linear; it doesn't follow a set pattern or timeline.Embracing vulnerability and courage is essential in the grieving process.The loss of a pet can trigger reflections on mortality and personal growth.Grief can transform over time, becoming less sharp but always present.Reach Diana here:https://www.luxumbracounselling.com/Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, host Vanessa Gorelkin explores the concepts of yin and yang as they relate to self-care, balance, and personal growth. She discusses the importance of recognizing one's tendencies towards action (yang) or receptivity (yin) and offers practical suggestions for achieving a harmonious balance in daily life. The episode also addresses a listener's question about work-life balance, providing evidence-based strategies for creating boundaries and transitions between work and personal time. Ultimately, Vanessa emphasizes that balance is a journey of awareness and self-compassion, rather than a destination of perfection.TakeawaysThe tension between doing and being is something a lot of us wrestle with.Balance between yin and yang produces harmony.Neurodivergent individuals often feel these tensions more intensely.Identifying your own tendencies is the first step to balance.Small shifts can create ripples of balance over time.Saying no is an act of self-care.You do not need neurosurgery, just awareness and intention.Balance doesn't mean every day is perfectly equal.The journey itself can be comforting and exciting.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Yin and Yang in Life02:58 The Balance of Doing and Being07:14 Identifying Personal Tendencies07:58 Practical Suggestions for Balance11:14 Listener Question: Achieving Work-Life BalanceLink to Severed Podcast:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/severed-the-ultimate-severance-podcast/id166065880514:21 Embracing the Journey of BalanceClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

SummaryIn this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the complex topic of masking neurodivergent traits. She discusses the pros and cons of masking, its impact on mental health, and the importance of context and safety in deciding when to mask. Vanessa emphasizes that masking is not inherently good or bad but should be a choice rather than a necessity. The episode also includes practical strategies for managing masking and unmasking in various environments.TakeawaysMasking is a tool, not inherently good or bad.Chronic masking can lead to mental health issues.Masking should be a choice, not a necessity.Context and safety are crucial in masking decisions.Unmasking should be intentional and safe.Masking can protect against discrimination.Unmasking everywhere is not always advisable.Healthy masking is flexible and temporary.Unhealthy masking feels like hypervigilance.Grief about masking deserves respect.Chapters00:00:00 Introduction to Masking00:03:00 Defining Masking00:06:00 Pros and Cons of Masking00:09:00 Impact on Mental Health00:12:00 Practical Strategies for MaskingClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin and guest, Diana Magallon Romero, Licensed Clinical Counselor, delve into the complex topic of grief, exploring its many facets and surprise- grief goes way beyond the loss of life. Vanessa and Diana discuss how grief is a response to change, whether it's losing a loved one, a friend, a job, or even a way of life. Diana shares her insights as a clinical counselor, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and processing grief to find meaning and healing.The conversation also touches on the role of psychedelics in therapy and how they can aid in redefining one's mental map after a significant loss.If you'd like to explore working with Diana, her website is:https://www.luxumbracounselling.com/Please subscribe and leave us a 5 start review if you are enjoying the show!Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the concept of denial as a psychological defense mechanism. She discusses how denial can provide temporary comfort but ultimately leads to greater issues if not confronted. Through personal anecdotes and societal examples, she illustrates the dangers of denial and offers strategies for facing difficult truths. The episode also addresses health anxiety and the importance of acknowledging one's fears regarding medical visits. Listeners are encouraged to take small steps towards confronting their own truths.TakeawaysDenial can protect us but also cause harm.Ignoring symptoms doesn't make them vanish.Denial delays confrontation of scary truths.Denial can isolate us from support and healing.Societal denial can lead to catastrophic consequences.Psychological experiments show how denial operates in groups.Gradual exposure can help face difficult truths.Externalizing problems reduces emotional pressure.Curiosity can help in recognizing denial.Noticing patterns of denial is a step towards growth.Chapters00:00 Understanding Denial: A Double-Edged Sword09:53 Facing Difficult Truths: Strategies for Confrontation15:01 Navigating Health Anxiety: A Personal JourneyClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

It's the holiday season, and it's a time when people feel many things. Sometimes it's not all cheer or all good.This time of year can be hard on people because of stress, loneliness or real life pressure. The intensity of everything being "joyous" can feel like a heavy weight. We want to lighten things up with some real talk about lonely feelings-- and to suggest a few solutions.This episode is for you if you need a little boost and don't feel quite like whooping it up at the celebration. We've got you.Don't forget to share this podcast - maybe that's your first opportunity to reach out!Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the intricacies of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), exploring its unique approach and why it often gets misunderstood. She highlights the therapy's blend of cognitive techniques with mindfulness and emotion regulation, and discusses its potential pitfalls when applied rigidly. Vanessa offers alternative strategies for distress tolerance and emphasizes the importance of context and flexibility in therapy.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Hello Listener:If you’re enjoying this show: Please don’t forget to subscribe, rate the podcast and share with friends. Thank you for listening, wherever you are, around the globe.In this episode, Vanessa discusses her recording with podcast host and author, Kate Moryoussef, for the December 18th, 2025 episode of the “ADHD Women's Wellbeing” podcast. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-womens-wellbeing-podcast/id1605386171In that episode of the ADHD Women’s Well-being Podcast, Vanessa and Kate discuss the role of OT for ADHD, particularly for adults, insights about ADHD and neurodiversity, internal family systems, and dialectical behavioral therapy. This episode of Real Over Ideal is a behind the scenes glimpse at Vanessa ‘s post-recording thoughts and an expansion/ preview (depending on when you are listening!) of some of the topics discussed on Kate’s podcast. Watch for the episode on ADHD Women's Wellbeing Pod and remember to keep it real over ideal. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode, Vanessa provides real information about how chronic pain makes changes in your brain. She talks about the difficulties of coping with chronic pain and its invisibility to others around the person in pain.Vanessa discusses the very real pitfalls of chronic pain management programs and how they can facilitate shame instead of healing. Most importantly, this episode dives into ways that people with chronic pain can live full and meaningful lives. Vanessa explains how people living with chronic pain can be hopeful about their future. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Happy Thanksgiving, 2025 ! In honor of the day before Thanksgiving being a big travel day in the United States-- we're publishing a day early, in case it's a fun companion for your travels. No matter where in the world you are-- you're getting an extended episode this week. But our podcast is heard in 37 countries and counting, so let us say: we wish you great holiday if you're celebrating. The focus of this episode is Taylor Swift's "Eldest Daughter," and we're referencing a great article from Pam Moore on the topic that you can read right here:https://creators.yahoo.com/lifestyle/story/why-im-convinced-taylor-swifts-eldest-daughter-is-about-therapy-035952099.htmlMore on the episode:Vanessa Gorelkin and friend of the podcast, special guest Pam Moore, delve into the themes of Taylor Swift's song "Eldest Daughter" through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. (Note: sending apologies to any serious audiophiles who find the sound to be imperfect on this episode. Putting together the tracks and snips of "Eldest Daughter" was a new, challenging ground. Thank you for your patience.)Here's what's up on this episode-- Pam and Vanessa are both trained Occupational Therapists with an eye towards mental health and wellness. They've each worked with clients on an individual and larger scale to enhance their understanding of their unique selves and how to optimize their life experience, even in the face of challenges.Who better to discuss some of the layers of the song, "Eldest Daughter," with all respect to the master of lyrical layers, Taylor Swift.Vanessa and Pam provide a basic description of the helpful therapeutic approach, Internal family systems, of which they are both admittedly big fans-- and they explore how the song reflects the concepts of "parts" work, self-energy, and the protective mechanisms we develop. The conversation touches on personal experiences, the symbolism in Swift's lyrics, and the broader implications of IFS in understanding oneself and relationships.Here's where to find Pam and her many creative offerings-- you won't be sorry!https://www.pam-moore.com/Please let us know what you thought of the episode and if you'd like more like this one. Thanks for listening to the show-- we are so glad you are here. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin discusses the concept of a 'good vibes brain bank'—a mental space where individuals can deposit their small victories to combat negativity bias and enhance self-efficacy. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and celebrating minor accomplishments, which can significantly impact mental health and resilience. Through personal anecdotes and practical strategies, listeners are encouraged to build their own brain banks to foster a positive mindset and counteract self-doubt.Give yourself credit for small victories.A brain bank helps combat negativity bias.Small wins reinforce self-efficacy and momentum.Chores are meaningful activities that structure life.Banking successes can lead to greater motivation.Documenting achievements helps retrain your brain.Pick a format that works for you to track successes.Make deposits of small wins daily.Micro actions are essential for overall well-being.Building a brain bank honors your efforts.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Join Vanessa Gorelkin as she delves into the complexities of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and the misconceptions surrounding it. In this episode, Vanessa discusses the internet's tendency to mislabel emotional women as borderline and the impact of such stigmatization. She also offers practical advice for those overwhelmed by emotions, whether or not they have a BPD diagnosis.Here are links to the movies mentioned in this epiosde-- they're worth a watch!Fatal Attraction:https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/1007141-fatal_attractionSingle White Female:https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/single_white_femaleKey takeaways:The internet's role in mislabeling women with BPD. The true definition and symptoms of borderline personality disorder. The importance of dialectical behavioral therapy in treating BPD. Practical tools for managing overwhelming emotions.#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealthAwareness #RealOverIdealClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Hey Listeners — did you catch the title reference? It’s a line from a 1990's movie. Think you know it? Email me at [email protected] with your guess — or if you just can’t stand the suspense before I reveal it in a future episode. 😊This week, I’m talking about accessibility at work — not as a checkbox or a charity gesture, but as a real engine for innovation and creativity.The idea came from my colleague Dr. Daniel Balva, who invited me to join a project highlighting the importance of accessibility in professional spaces. We dive into how designing for inclusion often sparks solutions that help everyone, and how shifting our mindset can turn “accommodations” into opportunities to grow smarter and more adaptive as organizations and as people.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

It's just about Halloween, so that's why you've gotten such a scary title for an episode that hopefully will bring some rationality to the thought that the world and we are simply doomed.In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa explores the pervasive feeling of doom that many experience in today's world. She discusses the impact of constant negative news, the science behind our stress responses, and offers practical, research-based strategies to cope with these feelings. The episode also addresses listener questions about distinguishing between doom and fatigue, and how to live by one's values even in challenging times.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the themes of misinformation and the importance of critical thinking in the age of social media. Using the iconic film The Breakfast Club as a backdrop, she discusses the Barnum Effect and how it influences our perception of truth. Vanessa emphasizes the need for media literacy and the importance of distinguishing between lived experience and expertise. She provides practical tips for finding unbiased sources and encourages listeners to question the information they encounter online.TakeawaysLived experience provides perspective but is not expertise.The Barnum Effect leads to misinformation on social media.Confidence in a statement does not guarantee its truth.Check multiple news outlets for a fuller picture.The loudest voices often overshadow the wisest.Critical thinking is essential in navigating information.Use fact-checking sites to verify claims.Question who benefits from the information you consume.Building habits of cross-checking can resist misinformation.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this conversation concerning pearls of wisdom from Tracy Otsuka, Host of ADHD for Smart Ass Women Podcast, we explore the complexities of ADHD, practical tips for managing symptoms, the importance of identity, and the role of creativity and curiosity in neurodivergent individuals. Tracy & Vanessa share personal anecdotes and insights on navigating a neurotypical world, emphasizing the significance of finding one's passion -- and Tracy even offers some thoughts on the impact of hormones on ADHD.The discussion culminates in encouraging words for those struggling with ADHD, highlighting the potential for brilliance that people with ADHD have to offer. Tracy reminds the audience of the importance of positive emotion for people coping with ADHD.*If you hear echo on the sound on this episode: we apologize--this episode is too loaded with great conversation and information NOT to share with you. Takeaways from this episode:ADHD is often misunderstood.Starting with small actions can help overcome the fear of beginning tasks.The role of dopamine in motivation.Time blindness is a common challenge for those with ADHD.Using tools like ready to go timers can help manage procrastination and time management.Finding passion is essential for success and fulfillment.Creativity and curiosity are significant strengths in ADHD individuals.Hormonal changes can impact ADHD symptoms, especially in women.Positive emotions drive productivity.Understanding one's strengths leads to discovering personal superpowers. Find Tracy's podcast here:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1566465824Check out Tracy's book: ADHD for Smart Ass Women:https://a.co/d/7FKHDBkWant more conversations with Vanessa and Tracy?Check these episodes on unlocking potential, emotional regulation and Internal family systems: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1566465824?i=1000583171524https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1566465824?i=1000592354432 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1566465824?i=1000713428051Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode, Vanessa Gorelkin explores the concept of aging, challenging societal norms and embracing the wisdom and creativity that come with age. Is it all about dieting and resistance to change?Aging for many people has become a cocktail of GLP-1 medications, skincare routines, and looking back to when we were younger than today. But where does acceptance fit in? In this episode of Real Over Ideal, we explore the the evidence,  hype and the mindset shifts that really matter if you want to age with strength, confidence, and self-compassion.Vanessa discusses the cultural pressures to fight aging and highlights the importance of creativity, purpose, and adaptability in maintaining a fulfilling life as we grow older. The episode features insights from the documentary 'Do Not Go Gently,' which celebrates the lives of super-agers and the role of lifelong creativity in successful aging: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0971164/This is the podcast if you're seeking wisdom about aging at any age-- it's a must listen for anyone feeling the challenges of getting older.Bonus:Does "Do not go gently" sound familiar? Here's the poetic reference...Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night- By Dylan Thomashttps://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46569/do-not-go-gentle-into-that-good-nightDo not go gentle into that good night,Old age should burn and rave at close of day;Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Though wise men at their end know dark is right,Because their words had forked no lightning theyDo not go gentle into that good night.Good men, the last wave by, crying how brightTheir frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,Do not go gentle into that good night.Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sightBlind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,   Rage, rage against the dying of the light.And you, my father, there on the sad height,Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.Do not go gentle into that good night.Rage, rage against the dying of the light.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin delves into the concept of Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), exploring its emotional impact, particularly for those with ADHD. She discusses the physiological responses to perceived rejection and offers practical strategies for managing these intense feelings. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding RSD, developing coping mechanisms, and fostering open communication about emotional experiences.TakeawaysRejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an intense emotional response to perceived rejection.RSD is often linked with ADHD but can affect anyone.The brain reacts to social rejection similarly to physical pain.Understanding RSD can help in managing emotional responses.Naming the reaction can create distance from overwhelming feelings.Practical strategies include the three-minute rule and creating a proof bank.Rejection rehearsal can desensitize the fear of rejection.It's important to communicate about RSD with others for support.Healing involves learning to take risks without fear of rejection.Most people are not analyzing us as critically as we fear. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

**Update: Since this episode was recorded: Real Over Ideal has been downloaded in a total of 33 countries!Thank you for the support from: USA, Canada, Germany, Singapore, UK, Brazil, Argentina, Czechia, Australia, Poland, France, India, South Africa, Denmark, Puerto Rico, Netherlands, Finland, UAE, Iceland, Italy, Poland, Ireland, Zambia, Greece, Ghana, Morocco, Malaysia, Serbia, Vietnam, Ecuador, Turkey, Philippinesl & Uraguay.In this episode of "Real Over Ideal," Vanessa talks about the highly sensitive person type (HSP). Do you know someone who slips away away from social gatherings, gets overwhelmed by noises or bright lights, or cries easily? They are probably an HSP.Vanessa shares the challenges and strengths of living with heightened sensitivity.Tune in to explore the signs of being an HSP, the importance of honoring one's needs, and how sensitivity can be a powerful strength in a high-stimulation world. Whether you're an HSP or know someone who is, this episode offers valuable insights and encouragement. Join us as we normalize sensitivity and celebrate it as a unique way to experience the world. Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

In this episode of Real Over Ideal, Vanessa Gorelkin and Andrew Luber discuss Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), exploring its definition, subtypes, and the lived experiences of those affected. Andrew shares his personal journey with ARFID, highlighting the challenges and coping strategies he has developed. The conversation emphasizes the importance of understanding, support, and humor in navigating the complexities of ARFID, while also providing practical tips for managing the disorder. Listeners are encouraged to embrace their experiences and seek help when needed, reinforcing the message that they are not alone in their struggles with food aversion.ARFID is a serious eating disorder that affects many people.It is distinct from other eating disorders, focusing on food aversion rather than body image.There are three main subtypes of ARFID: avoidant, aversive, and restrictive.Lived experiences, like Andrew's, provide valuable insights into managing ARFID.Practical tips, such as gradual exposure and using humor, can help cope with ARFID.Support from friends and family is crucial for those with ARFID.Creating a comfortable environment can ease the challenges of eating.Understanding ARFID can reduce stigma and promote awareness.It's important to be patient with oneself when dealing with ARFID.Seeking professional help is a brave step towards recovery.Click here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467

Time Blindness, Executive Function and ADHD Strategies In this episode of "Real Over Ideal," Vanessa delves into the concept of time blindness and its impact on our daily lives. This one is not just for people with ADHD-- but for anyone who can relate to overwhelm and anxiety from all of the juggling our daily lives demand.Discover six practical strategies to work with your brain, not against it, in managing time effectively. From externalizing clocks to gamifying tasks, Vanessa offers insights and tools to help you navigate time management challenges with compassion and understanding. Tune in to learn how to create rhythms and rituals that truly work for you. #TimeManagement #ADHD #RealOverIdealClick here to get in touch Thanks for listening!Please share the show with anyone who may enjoy it. We'd love it if you'd leave us a 5 star review wherever you're listening- it helps listeners find the show and we read every review.If you'd like to submit an "Untangle This" question, a comment, or an episode idea-- Email us:[email protected] is available to consult professionally with individual clients. If you'd like to work with Vanessa , reach out here:https://vanessagorelkin.com/contact-us#12398ed6-3711-4e15-ae41-4711059fd6abIf you'd like to read about Vanessa's background, treatment perspective and techniques, or other handy information about her practice, check out her Psychology Today profile here:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/vanessa-gorelkin-scottsdale-az/809467