Talking With Dr Toy

Currently, according to several sources, "up to 600,000 to 700,000 Black women have been pushed out or left without work" due to  racial-gendered targeted and concerted efforts by principalities and rulers of darkness. Many are familiar with interpersonal racism and microaggressions, but systemic and structural racism is more insidious and invisible. So insidious, that many Black women are solely blaming themselves for their hardships which has induced shame, guilt, and a loss of dignity. Black women, there's a system's failure in this nation. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

"This joy that I have, the world didn't give and the world can't take it away." If we're honest, at times it does seem like life and this world can extract our joy due to the targeted attacks, microaggressions, and cruelty. However, joy is not solely based on external circumstances, it's an internal well of resourcing that resides in our soul and spirit. Joy is defined as "an abiding, deep-seated state of peace and inner stability rooted in the divine." Joy is also a fruit of the spirit that is nurtured by grace and sustained by an eternal hope in the divine presence and active involvement of Emmanuel (God with Us). Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com  

Black women, do you have emotional safe spaces? Secondly, do you use those emotional safe spaces? An emotional safe space is where we can show up as our authentic selves with our vulnerabilities and limitations and receive nurture, care, love, and validation. Such spaces provide healing where we bask in visibility, are encouraged to take off the masks, speak our voice, and reframe from shrinking and code switching. To be honest, such spaces are few and far between for Black women which is why we must cultivate our own spaces where we no longer remain silent about our mental health. Speak up! Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

This is for us! Black women need rest too. Contrary to what culture may negatively believe about Black women, we are human and deserve, rest, care, love, and nurture. The past couple of years have intensified the disenfranchisement of Black women in areas of employment, opportunities, and even in the church. It is nothing new for Black women, but the intensity is more insidious, blatant, and unapologetic, from the perpetuation of negative stereotypes to the stripping of our dignity. Black women may seem to have shields of power to withstand the attacks, but do we not bleed when we are pricked. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Emotional wellness is a part of our holistic health. Many are very aware of their physical health, but may take for granted other aspects of their health. Emotional wellness is a foundational aspect of how we function and show up in the world, our communities, and our families. However, we may often neglect our emotional health because it is not as visible as other aspects of our health. Remember, our emotional health is just as important as other aspects of our health. Check yourself! Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.

"Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be" is a powerful quote that may resonate with many of us during these tumultuous times. As I sat listening to the opening speeches of the Obama Presidential library, I sat as one who was a receiving a much needed cool drink of water. Sometimes you don't know how much you miss or need something until it shows up and then you're like awww that's it! Inspire comes from the "Latin inspirare, which literally means "to breathe into." In this parched land, may we desire to be inspired and to inspire others--it's a lifeline. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

June is men's health and mental health awareness month with the theme, "It's not weak to speak". Emotional wellness is defined as "the ability to successfully handle life's stresses and adapt to change and difficult times." It's unfortunate that when discussing men's health, we often neglect to mention or include emotional wellness. Our mere humanity includes assessing our emotional health. NIH provides an emotional wellness checklist that may be beneficial for men to improve their mental health. Let's talk about emotional resilience. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

June is men's health and mental health awareness month to increase the normalization of discussing and addressing stigma regarding men's health and mental health. "According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, men are almost four times more likely to die by suicide than women, and more than 6 million men in the U.S. experience symptoms of depression every year", yet many do not admit or disclose such symptoms. They opt to suffer in silence which is why it has become the "silent crisis." Let's help the men in our lives embrace, "it's not weak to speak." Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Although Mental Health Awareness Month is ending, please make sure to continue prioritizing your mental health. Investing in the lives of others is important, but that does not mean neglecting your life. Remember, "there's no health without mental health" and one way to invest in your life is to remember the circle of concern vs. the circle of control. Radically accepting that somethings are out of your control and to invest energy within your sphere of influence may lead to a more fulfilling life. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com      

May is Mental Health Awareness Month! "Mental health is a state of mental well-being that enables people to cope with the stresses of life, realize their abilities, learn and work well, and contribute to their communities." "There is no health without mental health." However, that message doesn't always seem to resonate due to the negative stereotypes and misconceptions about mental health. Mental health stigma prevents people from receiving the help they really need because they attribute mental health issues as a weakness, when it is simply apart of being human and living this human experience. Let's talk about it! www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

The circle of control is a powerful concept that may assist in focusing your energy on things and situations within your sphere of influence. Focusing your energy on situations and things you can control instead of those you cannot may be liberating and empowering. Some examples of things within your control include your choices, your actions, your effort, your words, your attitude, asking for help, learning from mistakes, and where to direct your energy. However, identifying and acknowledging these aspects entail stillness, reflection, and implementation. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

The circle of control helps individuals focus their attention and energy on things within their control. The circle of control "symbolizes the areas where we can take meaningful action and make positive change." As someone stated, "some things are within our power, while others are not." Radically accepting things that are not within our control is easier said than done because of our need to control.  However, embracing such a concept may be liberating and allow individuals to experience more empowerment in their lives. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Many believers celebrate and commemorate the resurrection as one of the most important demonstrations of power. The Christian church certainly emphasizes it as a distinguishing factor from other religions. The journey entailing the trauma of the Crucifixion and the renewed hope of the Resurrection is an emotional roller coaster. However, the pivotal anchor of these events is the sacrificial love of God through His son Jesus Christ. Although, everyone is not believer, I believe there is an essential and common thread that unites us all, the desire to be loved, to know you are loved, and to see that love in action. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

In celebration of  Women's history month, it's wonderful to acknowledge that we are masterpieces and significantly unique. However, we must also embrace our past with grace and compassion. There are some who continue to live in their past mistakes and failures. We may be angry, regretful, and unforgiving towards our younger selves that has induced shame and embarrassment so much so we may be experiencing fragmentation. Instead of solely judging our younger selves, it may be more helpful to understand, seek healing, and restoration. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

March has been designated as Women's History Month which serves as a reminder of the contributions women have made in this nation. Although recognizing women's contributions are significant, we should also remember, that our very nature and humanity is just as significant. A passage states, "We are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." That word handiwork has been translated as "masterpiece". I encourage women everywhere to remember, you are a masterpiece. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Resistance is powerful especially when it's enacted in the face of injustice and immorality. Resistance is also powerful within our personal lives and at times it can be a double edged sword. On one hand, we resist things intent on damaging our personhood and on the other hand, we may resist things that could enhance our lives. The goal is not to judge resistance, but to understand it. We seek to understand to increase self-awareness and more ways to enrich the quality of our lives. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

"The power of resistance lies in its capacity to foster personal growth, drive social transformation, and challenge established, often unjust, norms. It serves as a productive,, and sometimes necessary, force for change, enabling individuals to find agency, meaning, and freedom against oppressive systems or personal obstacles. It can be the catalyst for change." Black resistance is rooted in hope as well as a knowingness of authentic identity and empowerment. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Resistance has been defined as "the refusal to accept and comply with something, the ability to withstand an adverse force, or an opposing action. The attempt to prevent something by action or argument." Resistance is a foundational pillar that fostered the ability and drive of people of color's contributions to a nation that denied their humanity. Despite the challenges and barriers, a spirit of hope, persistence, and resistance propelled dreams, inventions, and imaginations. This Black History month, let's pay tribute to the resistance movement for by it, we reclaim our beauty, strength, and humanity. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Self-discovery not only takes time, intentionality, and stillness, but it also takes faith despite fear. Self-discovery can be an intimidating process because it often leads us into the unknown and that can be scary. Self-discovery shines a much needed light on areas of our lives that are tucked away and hidden possibly due to shame and discouragement. Although needed, it can induce fear and may cause us to avoid rather than exploring existential questions that may be revelatory and transformative. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Living a life instead of solely maintaining an image entails authenticity. "Are you living life authentically"? I like this definition of authenticity, "being genuine, real, and true to oneself, aligning actions with core values and beliefs, rather than being a counterfeit or acting based on external pressure." Self awareness, reflection, introspection, and courage are essential ingredients to living life authentically. Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Rick Warren published a book entitled the Purpose Driven Life where he addresses that existential question of why am I here? You've probably asked yourself that same question and maybe you're still searching for the answer. Living a purposeful life is worth pursuing, however, what informs your definition of purpose? Does your definition of purpose simply entail impressing others and looking great in the eyes of others? Has your purpose been informed by society's views of success or someone else's expectations? Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Living a life not just maintaining an image requires intentionality, reflection, and exploring some existential questions about life. Two questions entail an acknowledgement that sometimes we live life on a stage where we're constantly trying to control and manage other's perceptions of us. At times we may contort ourselves to conform to an image that is acceptable to us and one that will be embraced by others. Have you asked yourself what image am I trying to maintain and why? Let's talk about it. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Well it's 2026 and one thing you can most certainly say is that you made it over the threshold to witness the New Year. Now that you've entered, what now? What moves or goals do you desire to accomplish this year? May I offer a suggestion? Could this be the year that you make a decision to live a life not just maintain an image? Erving Goffman popularized the concept of impression management "also known as self-presentation and refers to the ways that people attempt to control how they are perceived by others." Let's talk about it! www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

There's a time for everything and a season for everything under the sun.  There's a time to plant, a time to uproot, and a time to tear down, and a time to build and finally a time to weep and a time to laugh. The end of year is often a time of reflection but some often avoid this practice because it may induce difficult emotions. However, for such a time as this, reflection maybe a process that helps you invest in a relaunch of your goals, your vision, and your dreams. Take some time to reflect, assess, and acknowledge and then invest in your relaunch! www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

It's the most wonderful time of the year is a very popular Christmas song but it only speaks to one aspect of Christmas. According to research, the holidays can also be one of the most stressful, loneliness, and depressing times of the year. Stress, depression, and grief are not great marketing strategies, so happiness, gatherings, and gifts are promoted as holiday commodities. There may be few emotional safe spaces for those who are experiencing emotional pain and grief, but just know you are not alone so please identify strategies to navigate those difficult emotions.

It's easy to be swept up in the hustle and bustle of the season as people prepare to give and receive gifts. Although we are aware of the commercialization of Christmas, it's still difficult to resist the temptation to spend more than we have, to stress and spend endless hours searching for the perfect gifts, getting the house ready for parties and gatherings, and making sure everyone's needs are met possibly fearing that we will disappoint them. However, what about you? That's not a selfish question, it is one that encompasses self love and self care. Please remember you this season. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Are you ready? Have you been preparing and stocking your mental health toolkit to navigate this holiday season? Navigating the holiday season can present a challenge because it can be a balancing act where you're experiencing and learning to manage big and difficult emotions. As you navigate this holiday season, I'm encouraging you to check your mental health toolkit. I ask you to consider the following: Context, safety, and compassion/grace for self and others. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

My grandmother affectionately known as "Bigmama" would always say, "People don't have to be nice." This statement usually came as a result of someone enacting an act of kindness. Such a reflection may have been a result of both gratitude and rarity. Grateful someone showed kindness, and the perception that it is indeed rare for people to be kind. In times like these, is being a nice a rarity? Is being cruel, uncaring, and unkind fashionable? Let us examine ourselves and ponder which culture to which we are contributing; cruelty or kindness. Please let it be the latter. It helps when people are nice. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Are you ready? Yes, it's about that time. The holiday season is fast approaching and although some may experience anticipation and excitement, others are dreading it for various reasons. Some are financially struggling this season and may not be able to do all they've done in the past which may induce some shame and even embarrassment. For others, this may be the first holiday season without that loved one whom they miss so much. Holidays are reminders and provide time for reflection which can evoke some difficult emotions. What's in your holiday mental health toolkit? www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

When I speak to individuals about self-care, it is often equated with selfishness which has a negative connotation. When I speak of community care, showing up for others and allowing others to show up for you, there is often resistance im asking for help or leaning into the support. Why? We've been conditioned by a number of societal and cultural factors that challenge the notions of self-care and community care. If you struggle with implementing these two concepts in your life, what are your challenges? Are you ready to resolve them? In times like these, self-care and community care are lifelines. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

It is important to contextualize your life experiences. At times, our inner critic can beat us down with harsh judgments and words especially when we don't think we're operating at our best. The inner critic will remind us of how we used to perform and that presently, we're just missing the mark which can induce shame and self-loathing. However, the inner critic seldom takes into account our current context, where are we now and what's happening in our lives? Evaluating ourselves apart from context, renders an distorted assessment. Remember, context matters! www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

In times like these, it is even more important to implement strategies to take care of your holistic self. However, in order to do so in times when you're stressed and overwhelmed it is helpful to implement a brief framework to assess how you're really functioning. I suggest consistently asking yourself 3 important questions: Is this helpful for me, Is this healthy for me, and is this worth my energy? These questions may help you navigate ways to stay connected and nurture your well-being when you're stressed and overwhelmed. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

The final segment of the National Wellness Awareness Series includes awareness, attuning, and attending to our societal well-being. Societal well-being has been defined as, "The ability to actively participate in a thriving community, culture, and environment. It involves factors like the quality of relationships, community belonging, access to resources, and the overall sustainability of social systems, with policy and individual actions shaping its development and measurement." Societal well-being matters! www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

When thinking about our wellness, an area that is often neglected is our workplace well-being. We often just view our workplace as a mere job that represents a means to an end. However, we often spend more time with our co-workers and in our workplace than our families and in our home. As a result, it is important to assess your workplace well-being. Workplace well-being has been defined as, "the ability to pursue your interests, values, and life purpose in order to gain meaning, happiness, and enrichment professionally." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com  

August is National Awareness month which includes various types of well-being. Social well-being includes developing and maintaining meaningful relationships and social support. Due to past traumatic experiences, unhealthy and toxic relationships, and disappointments, cultivating this type of well-being can be most difficult. Although complex and difficult, it is a necessary aspect of tending to our wellness. Tune into Part 2 of taking care of our social-wellbeing. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.

August is National Wellness Awareness month which includes aspects of taking care of our holistic health. Social well-being is an aspect of wellness and has been defined as "the ability to communicate, develop meaningful relationships with others, and maintain a support network that helps you overcome loneliness." The former surgeon general pronounced loneliness and isolation as an epidemic that "represent profound threats to our health and well-being." A passage states that it is not good for man to be alone and "though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

August is National Wellness Awareness month which includes tending to our holistic health. Physical wellness matters and has been defined as "The ability to improve the functioning of our body through healthy living and good exercise habits." Physical wellness entails more than just body image which is the sole focus by some individuals. Physical wellness focuses on the actual functioning of our bodies. Improving our physical wellness includes the following: Prioritization, Assessment, and Action. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com.   

August is National Awareness Month which in compasses many facets of wellness that include the following: Emotional, physical, social, workplace, and societal well-being. Emotional well-being has been defined as the "ability to practice stress management and relaxation techniques, be resilient, vulnerable, boost self-love, and generate the motions that lead to good feelings." Emotional wellness is essential to improving overall health. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com   

A passage states, beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in good health, even as your soul is prospers.  August is National Wellness Awareness month with the purpose of identifying ways to prioritize our wellness which includes the following areas: emotional, social, physical, societal, and workplace.  Why dedicate a month to remind us to take care of our wellbeing? Because "it's easy in our society to prioritize meeting the needs of a job or loved ones before tending to and meeting our own needs." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com    

There's a passage that states, "God is the Father of all comfort." This passage denotes that there's a need to be comforted. Comfort has been defined as "the easing or alleviation of a person's feeling of grief or distress." It seems pretty simple to accept the need to be comforted, but some struggle with this need because of the stigma of weakness and vulnerability. Some have been conditioned in the dysfunction that to be comforted denotes weakness which brings about shame. To be comforted is to be human. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

There's a verse that states, "David was distressed...and He encouraged himself in the Lord." There are times in your life where you may also be distressed due to a number of transitions, issues, and relationship losses. The distress may be all too consuming and you're unsure of ways to navigate it. Please take time to draw from a well of encouragement so that you can encourage yourself in times like these as well as encourage others. Hold on, hang on, and stay encouraged. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

There's a song entitled "Walk in the light". Light illuminates and provides clarity of vision in the midst of darkness. Darkness is symbolic of some hard and difficult times that may represent what many are experiencing in this season. Darkness can be all consuming, overwhelming, and possibly cultivate a spirit of hopelessness and helplessness. However, there's a dawn that pierces through the darkness which encourages us to turn on the lights. Turning on the light is an intentional act of inspiration and resistance. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com. 

There may be some individuals in your life that are energy vampires. Sometimes, these people are friends and families and it may be difficult navigating such relationships. There are several types of energy vampires and it will be beneficial to devise ways to effectively identify and manage these relationships. Managing these relationships are certainly a form of self-care and self-preservation. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Instead of asking what's wrong with an individual, the question should be asked what happened to you. This is an appropriate question to ask of people in your life who may be energy vampires.  According to Gupta, there are several ways energy vampires interact within relationships including as the constant victim and criticizer. These types of energy vampires may be stuck in loops where they can't move beyond victimizing and negative experiences which informs their identity and their behavior. This shows up in how they relate to others which can be draining and exhausting. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

As Mental Health Awareness month comes to a close, please remember that taking care of your mental health takes place 365 days a year. Awareness of Cup fillers and drainers are vital for maintaining your mental health. One cup drainer to recognize is energy vampires. "Energy vampires are people who sap your emotional energy either intentionally or unconsciously. They could be friends, family members, partners, colleagues, or neighbors who feed on your care and attention and can leave you feeling stressed, drained, exhausted, and overwhelmed." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com  

Filling your cup is not a luxury, it is truly a necessity. You are worthy to take 10 or 15 minutes from your schedule to nourish and take of yourself. You may have received messages that you're not worthy of such care, however, you are and you can make that decision to be intentional about your self-care. Please take some sacred pauses and discover ways to improve your health, preserve your peace, increase your care, and shower yourself with love and compassion. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Filling your cup is not a luxury, it is truly a necessity. You are worthy to take 10 or 15 minutes from your schedule to nourish and take of yourself. You may have received messages that you're not worthy of such care, however, you are and you can make that decision to be intentional about your self-care. Please take some sacred pauses and discover ways to improve your health, preserve your peace, increase your care, and shower yourself with love and compassion. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com

Mother's Day is a significant reminder of all the work and love mother's have poured into their family, communities, and this nation. For some, today may bring about a range of emotions from happiness, gratefulness, sadness, grief, and even regret. However, you may navigate this day, please make sure you stay connected with your experience and give yourself a cup of grace.  A wonderful way to do that is to ensure you identify what fills and drains your cup. www.talkingwithdrtoycom 

Many counselors speak to individuals about making sure they preserve their energy by encouraging them to fill their cup. Filling one's cup simply means ensuring that their heart, mind, and even soul is nurtured and nourished with things that bring energy and life. Life can either infuse or drain individuals energy and it is important to be aware and attentive of life's cup "fillers and drainers." www.talkingwithdrtoy.com 

Experiencing a constant state of being overwhelmed can adversely affect thoughts, emotions, and physical wellbeing. Although we can't always control external stressors, there are some strategies we can use to more effectively manage how we respond. Investing time by implementing certain strategies may assist in stabilizing mood and decreasing stress which may increase quality and quantity of life. www.talkingwithdrtoy.com